Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Dangerous Miners

Upon encountering an Agent of the New Order for the first time, one of the very first things that people tend to notice is that the Agent has a courageous heart and an iron will. One Agent, whose heart is more courageous and whose will is more iron than most, is Bing Bangboom.

KnightHawk cosmos > hehe this is going to be fun because bing is gonna get ban
Bing Bangboom > who says so?
KnightHawk cosmos > hummm CCP says so
Bing Bangboom > why would CCP ban me?
Zing1 > is CCP finally doing something about James 315 and his flunkies now
KnightHawk cosmos > for harresement
Bing Bangboom > KnightHawk cosmos did you petition me?
Zing1 > They had sanctioned the mining bumping
Bing Bangboom > they still allow it
Zing1 > that is one way to get banned Bing
Pro Hofstadter > am off guys fly safe , bing u suck shithouse
KnightHawk cosmos > go look at the terms of use

'Twas another day in Kino. It's true that Bing Bangboom is superior to the miners who inhabit that system. But he doesn't act like he's above it all; he willingly goes into Kino to help the miners.

Zing1 > aqctually I did what I was told to do. Now I am not in a corp so I don't have to comply with anything
Bing Bangboom > you know I am revoking your permit don't you?
Zing1 > DO I givew a fuck that the permit is revoked
Zing1 > I will mine if I want to
Bing Bangboom > just so everyone knows you DID buy one.
Zing1 > only for the corp to get out of war. Now I am not in a corp
Zing1 > and as my bio states FUCK YOU
Bing Bangboom > and you DID pledge your support for James 315...
KnightHawk cosmos > sounds to me like you are to damn lazy to make isk any other way then to harrase other players
Zing1 > I don't deny that but it doesn't now. And as I stated it was only to get the corp out of war. But now I am not in a corp so you can fuck yourself with that micro scopic dick of yours

When you think about it, our Agents are like the teachers in those movies where they go into a struggling inner-city school. Others may have abandoned the poor children in those schools, but the hero of the film, like an Agent of the New Order, is undaunted by the challenge.

Tawate Endashi > Bing Bangboom why do you follow this. This is basically setting aside every aspect of the game and controlling it. Making it as if this 'Supreme' Person is CCP in one body
Clatu Barada Nicktoe > Anyone following this so called code should have their account revocked permanently
Zing1 > Bing you keep spoutiong about the code. But what is your individual views. YOu act like the code is above reproach but it isn't
Zing1 > so give your arguements please and stop going the code this and the code that
Zing1 > show you can think for yourself
Bing Bangboom > OK.

Yet it is still a challenge to open the minds of the miners--minds which have been left closed for so long. It can be difficult to bridge the generation gap. "Bad" means good, "sick" means well, "literally" means figuratively, and "penultimate" means ultimate. Often, an Agent must ask himself or herself, "How do I reach these carebears?"

Tawate Endashi > Its like your making this your job and responsibility and making other players lives a misery
Clatu Barada Nicktoe > They cant handle themselves in low sec thats why they pray on newbs in hi sec
Bing Bangboom > not newbs... carebear highsec miners.
Bing Bangboom > some newbs will actually pew pew
Zing1 > yep even when faced with a player that has 4 times the sp
Bing Bangboom > yeah, that guy yesterday.... wanted to duel me.
Bing Bangboom > hehe
Bing Bangboom > takes me back to the old can flipping days.

In an instant, Bing Bangboom felt a wave of nostalgia. He wanted to teach the carebears a history lesson. That's beyond them; miners have difficulty relating to events that occurred months or years ago. So Bing gathered the unruly miners together to share an anecdote about something that had happened in Kino the day before...

Spine Ripper, Bing's Knight alt, had killed a Retriever pilot named wakko Dallocort. wakko, like so many other highsec youths, wanted to prove how tough he was. So he challenged Spine Ripper to a duel.

Bing carefully explained the Code. Actions have consequences. wakko wasn't having any of it.

An educator to his core, he walked wakko through the security status game mechanics. Knights of the Order have negative sec status and don't do duels.

wakko wasn't in a teachable mood on that day. He was too emotional. After all, his Retriever had been blown up barely a month before.

Some miners, sadly, only understand and respect strength. The good news is that the Agents of the New Order have a whole lot of it.

As Spine Ripper talked to wakko in local, he brought in Bing Bangboom. Now a duel was possible.

Bing flew his trusty Rifter into the belt where wakko was waiting for him. Bing reflected on the power of the Code for a quiet moment, and then the duel began.

A typical result. Bing was Invincible and destroyed the miner's destroyer. However, it turned out that wakko ran with a gang. One of the gang's members, Fenrir Mason, flew a Talos. Now it was on.

Bing taught the Kino system a thing or two that day. With the New Halaima Code of Conduct as his guide, Bing easily defeated the fearsome beast. The screenshot above offers some hint of Fenrir Mason's poor fitting. Let's see the rest:

The proof is in the killmail. After that, the hoodlums of Kino had to give Bing some respect. There is much power in the New Order, and in its Code. And if the activities of all our Agents inspire just one highsec carebear to read, it will all have been worth it.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Brony Conspiracy, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Among the bronies of the Cutie Mark Crusaders Militant Coalition, there were a few bad apples. Botten Miromme raged against the New Order before jumping ship to a different corp. But then that corp's alliance declared war against the corp to which Agents Lord Mandelor and Father Julius belonged.

After Botten suffered a grievous loss in the war, he suddenly left his new corp. Julius demanded an explanation.

Botten suggested he had been kicked, presenting a new mystery. What was at the source of all this nonsense?

Father Julius and Lord Mandelor went directly to the hostile corp's diplomat, Hawkred Joringer. She was more than happy to speak with them.

Botten, it seemed, didn't meet the corp's rigorous requirements.

Specifically, his Hyperion loss raised doubts about his ability to PvP.

Hawkred was able to shed some additional light: Botten had indeed been behind the wardec.

As our Agents suspected, Botten was up to his usual tricks. When the truth was uncovered, it didn't win him any friends among his new corp.

Though a wardec was still active, the two sides came together. They bonded by sharing tales of Botten's incompetence.

As usual, where the rebels spread chaos and disorder, the New Order brings harmony and friendship.

A brony might say that friendship is magic. We in the New Order have a more scientific view. Friendship is built on trust, integrity, respect, honour, and a Code firmly grounded in common sense.

Monday, July 29, 2013

The Brony Conspiracy, Part 1

Over the past few months, Agents of the New Order have had repeated encounters with a group of bronies calling themselves the "Cutie Mark Crusaders Militant Coalition".

You might recall, for example, their horseplay in the Ikao system. Agent Lord Mandelor resolved to "corral them into line".

After Mandelor conducted a successful awox operation against them, Botten Miromme began to leave complaints in the comments section of MinerBumping posts and my EVEmail inbox.

Finally, Botten (a bot-aspirant name if I've ever seen one) challenged one of our Agents to a duel. Predictably, Botten lost. But the story didn't end there.

According to Agent Lord Mandelor, the brony angst displayed in various MinerBumping posts drew the attention of a highsec outfit called Miner Intimidation. They launched a bold offensive against the bronies, inflicting nearly 700 million isk of damage.

A typical kill from the war: Botten Miromme lost a stealth bomber--a blaster-fit stealth bomber.

A few days after the bronies lost their war, Lord Mandelor was notified that a random war had been declared against his own corp, the Tengoo Uninstallation Service.

Mandelor and the rest of his corp flew into battle. They came across some war targets in Kor-Azor Prime and destroyed them.

Suddenly, Lord Mandelor realized that one of the war targets--flying a 330 million isk Hyperion--was none other than Botten Miromme. He had left the brony corp and joined the Game 0f Tears alliance just prior to the wardec. Maybe the wardec wasn't so random after all?

A few minutes after the glorious battle, Agent Father Julius received a convo request from Botten. Despite the active wardec, Botten expressed puzzlement at being shot at.

Botten claimed that there was an agreement in effect such that the New Order's Agents would not bother Botten or his fellow bronies any more. He was referring to the duel I mentioned earlier--the duel that Botten lost. Apparently he thought he was still entitled to the "winner" condition, despite triggering the "loser" condition.

Dissatisfied, Botten took his leave. But a mystery remained. Was it a coincidence that he joined an alliance that wardecced his old corp's arch-nemesis (after he lost his own poorly-fit Nemesis)? But if Botten was somehow responsible for the wardec, why was he so surprised that he came under attack during the war? Lord Mandelor was determined to get some answers, straight from the horse's mouth.

To be continued...

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Kills of the Week

I'd put some flavor text here, but I know you just want to see the kills. I understand that. Without further delay, here are some kills to ponder; they took place during the week of July 21st @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 27th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

SHEER Inkunen managed to lose a 1.3 billion isk pod to Agent Spine Ripper. And what did SHEER use to protect his massive implant investment--which included some pricy shield implants? Oh, just a completely untanked Retriever. "Sheer" indeed. But he was mining in highsec, so who's gonna stop him? The New Order, that's who. He obviously wasn't using the shield implants, though, so no big loss.

My goodness! Oldberg lost a 2.7 billion isk pod, including even more Crystal implants. Agent D400 is so good at sniffing out these expensive pods. Surely Oldberg wasn't as reckless as SHEER. No, he wasn't. He was even more reckless--flying a completely untanked Retriever, this time in a 0.5 security system. Out with the Oldberg, in with the New Order.

Charles Augustus lost this 5 isk Ibis, which was deemed to represent an imminent threat of illegal mining. Owing to its Civilian Miner, an Ibis is considered a mining vessel. But because it carries a Civilian Gatling Railgun, it's also considered a combat ship, so Agent D400 didn't just gank him--he won an honourable 1v1 duel. Why am I highlighting this kill? Well, recall what I said earlier about D400 and his pod-sniffing abilities:

Yes, that is a 1.9 billion isk pod he found lurking in the Ibis. Check out the Mining Foreman Mindlink amidst the wreckage. A New Order Agent's instincts never fail.

What's with all of the expensive pods lately? Our Knights are ganking capital ships' worth of isk these days. Zlake lost a 2.4 billion isk pod when Agent Temporary Amnesia reminded him of his responsibilities under the Code. Crystal implants yet again. Fortunately, this time the miner was actually making good use of them: His Hulk was ganked in a 0.5 security system, equipped with a Small Shield Booster II. He had no other tank; midslots and rigslots were left empty.

Now for a really unusual specimen. Dimontiy lost a 150 million isk Retriever. Like the rest of the gang today, he had no interest in tanking up. Instead, he equipped a couple of drone rigs and, remarkably, one speed rig. He needed those drone rigs, though, because his ship also contained Federation Navy drones. You certainly want to get the most out of those when you're mining in highsec.

Agent Ruwmina gracefully killed Dimontiy. Later that same day, Ruwmina renewed their acquaintance by killing him again in the same system. Dimontiy had learned his lesson: The second Retriever he lost was only worth 88 million isk, and included shield rigs. Dimontiy was apparently happier with his second death, so later in the day he resumed mining in the same system with the exact same fit. The result? Ruwmina returned and popped him yet again. That's the definition of bot-aspirancy: Doing the same stupid thing over and over while hoping for a better result.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Friends in High Places

One of the things that contributes to the immense power and influence of the New Order is the fact that we transcend all corporations, alliances, and coalitions. Because of its broad ideological appeal, Agents of the New Order can be found everywhere in EVE.

Everyone knows how much I adore Brave Newbies Inc. Rather than using newbishness as an excuse to be bot-aspirants and avoid the fun parts of the game, the Brave Newbies came together and embraced EVE as it is meant to be played. Six months after their founding, they have over 3,700 members in their original corp. When I received an EVEmail from one of their fleet commanders, I read it with interest.

Le Petite More forwarded me dozens of killmails of bot-aspirants who had been terminated by Brave Newbies in the name of the Code. Sometimes people say the New Order "picks on" new players. But the New Order, like the Brave Newbies, empowers new players.

I also received an interesting EVEmail from Jameson2011 of Black Rebel Rifter Club, who serves as a director of one of their alliance's other corps, Black Dragon Fighting Society. The BDFS received an application from someone whose name Jameson2011 instantly recognized, thanks to MinerBumping. The applicant's name was Anslo.

Yes, that Anslo. Months ago, he founded an anti-New Order resistance movement called the Proveldtariat. His goal was to unite the miners of highsec in a holy crusade against the Code and the Saviour of Highsec. It went about as well as you might expect. Deeply embittered, Anslo took out his frustration on Code-compliant miners, but failed in that, too.

Jameson2011 graciously offered Anslo a way to redeem himself and become more suitable for employment. Anslo refused; he currently sits in an NPC corp. I suppose there's not much call for failed rebel leaders these days. Meanwhile, with all of our connections across EVE, "Agent of the New Order" is the best thing you could ever put on your résumé!

One Hundred Ten Billion in Shares Sold

A special double milestone update for all you New Order fans out there: We've surpassed the 110 billion isk mark. All highsec should celebrate that over 110,000 shares have been sold. Temporary Amnesia earns a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for purchasing 1,000 shares and sending us over the 109 billion mark. After that, 1,000 shares were purchased by... Hold on, let me double-check this... Huh. Capt Lynch earns a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for sending us over the 110 billion mark. Well, there you go!

Friday, July 26, 2013

The Atonement of Chunk

It's the feel-good story of the week.

Agent Lord Mandelor, whose many heroic deeds have been recounted in these pages, sent a report from Kamio. Having won victory over some space bronies in Ikao, he was eager to test his mettle in one of the original New Order territories.

Mandelor, along with Agents Lord Kailethre and Father Julius, stood ready with Catalysts. They offered the rebel miners terms by which they might surrender. Scoffing, Lucien Mekhet alerted everyone to the Catalysts. But he was using his D-scan. That's progress!

chunk1993 emerged as the spokesman for the rebel forces. He denounced the Code in front of everyone in the system.

Unfortunately, the rebellion's command-and-control apparatus stumbled out of the gate. When Lucien quoted James 3:15, chunk1993 thought it was a quote of mine, and ZemaG DniM threatened to petition his fellow rebel.

Just like that, organized resistance fell to pieces.

Though he had alienated the other Code-deniers in system, chunk1993 remained loyal to his own corp. He guarded their mining vessels with an Armageddon Navy Issue.

Finding the rebels an unseemly bunch, Lucien began to wonder if he should switch sides. chunk1993 wasted no time in escalating the situation and dove straight for his pile of real-life death wishes.

But immediately afterward, he sent a convo request to Lord Mandelor. Did he intend to spit his venom in a more private setting?

Incredibly, chunk1993 apologized. The New Order is practically synonymous with mercy in highsec, so Mandelor instantly forgave the wayward lad.

There was a controversy surrounding the permit status of some of the miners under his guard. chunk1993 was no longer sure he could trust them.

The New Order's work is never done. Lord Mandelor was able to negotiate a satisfactory arrangement and get everything settled.

After just a short time in the presence of the New Order, chunk1993 became an entirely different person.

chunk1993 departed, a smile on his face and a "long live James 315" in his heart. My name is an salutary salutation in any situation. If someone greets you with a "long live James 315" or ends a conversation with a "hail James 315", you know they're one of the good guys.