Thursday, February 7, 2019

Unmistakably Guilty

On a routine patrol of the Poinen system, Agent Eva Solberg was shocked and horrified when she saw an unlicensed Venture pilot huffing gas. That was the New Order's gas!


It was time to teach the miner a lesson she wouldn't soon forget. For extra style points, our Agents decided that this gank should be performed with haulers.


The miner, Vixen III, was eliminated. Eva patiently awaited the carebear's reaction to having been ganked by haulers. But there was only silence.


Incredibly, Vixen's pod simply hovered motionless in space. Eva went all the way to Jita, purchased a Thrasher, equipped it, and returned to Poinen. Vixen's pod hadn't moved an inch.


Eva met up with fellow Agent Reed Teemer, who had been there for the Venture gank. They had a leisurely conversation in full view of Vixen's pod.


Miners love to claim--after the fact--that they had been at their keyboards the whole time. "I wasn't AFK," they insist. "You never asked me to say anything in local. Isn't that in your Code?"


After 40 minutes had gone by, the shipless Capsule still hadn't budged. There was only one explanation: This gas-huffing bot-aspirant had been AFK the entire time.


Reed gave the miner a clear warning of the Agents' intentions in Poinen local. Still no answer.


Eva sighed as she targeted the pod.


In a flash of light, the deed was done.


Vixen's Capsule was no more.


The miner offered no protest. Now it was her corpse's turn to float in space.


No one in Poinen spoke a word in Vixen's defense. Could anyone deny that the system had seen justice that day?


When the killmail came through, the full enormity of Vixen's bot-aspirancy became known. zKillboard valued the pod at 539 million isk. Yet the miner had allowed it to sit unattended in space, totally defenseless.


After CONCORD baptized Eva's victorious Thrasher, our Agent returned home. She had witnessed the depravity of a wretched miner. Yet the Code had saved the day--so it was a good one.

32 comments:

  1. Wow! Bot-aspirancy is a sickness. The greed underscored by even undocking with a full set of +5 learning implants, much less going AFK with them. I wonder how many hours of gas huffing it will take to replace them? Should have followed the Code.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent work agents Reed and Eva Solberg! Exemplar agents both!

    Praise James! \o/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah... Poinen is a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

    and I just want to say here (for posterity.... for those that are reading this in 10 years time) that the new launcher is shit. Thanks for spending resources on "fixing" the old launcher, CCP.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This "story" is yet more proof of the utter irrelevancy of Jamey and his CHODE. slaves. The victim can easily replace what was lost and keep right on mining. CHODE. is a minor annoyance, nothing more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL at the irrelevant CHODEanon post about irrelevancy. Comedy Gold!!

      Delete
    2. "Didn't want that 539m ISK anyway!"

      Delete
    3. Why you so mad Kenny

      Delete
    4. lol, im in that alliance, whole reason they mining is cuz they broke

      Delete
    5. Somebody already forgot the story of Captian JackSparrow from yesterday's installment. Allow me to quote the tears:

      > come on man that was all my isk
      > dude rly im not a big wig i dont have tons of isk
      > guys come on
      > man you just ruined my whole day

      His prideful delusion cost him everything.

      Delete
    6. Is your daily whine more proof that the catalyst did more than touch you?

      I say whichever agent ganked you really made you so mad you visit us here like a priest prays to god.

      Amenymouse.

      Delete
    7. Calm down, chode. slaves. EO is more than just you and your mining alts.

      Delete
  5. Calm down Kenny lover

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're funny Kenny

      Delete
    2. If you Kennys don't stop Kennying around I'm gonna Kenny.

      Delete
  6. Meh seems made up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't you mean of wind. This site has become such a snoozefest of the the same old rubbish.

      Delete
    2. Yet here you are.
      Bot aspirant has no will to resist.

      Delete
  7. A very cinematic story. It was just like being there!

    And 'Vixen III' is far too cool a name to have been wasted on a mining character.

    ReplyDelete
  8. All these chodeanon, kennyanon, and anonamice posts, all of them!

    They all taste like looser tears!

    Get a permit or get rekt ag fanboi loooosers! XD

    Keep up the great work agents! Praise James!

    Praise His mighty CODE. alliance!

    \o/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just imagine how wrong you are if you mine and use gank intel for your source of education on eve online.


      Hahahaha.

      Delete
    2. Looking forward to a weekend of mining in various high security systems while watching college basketball on the television. Some good games in the line up. And probably not a chode. slave to be found. They truly are irrelevant to the vast majority of EO denizens.

      Delete
  9. Another fart sniffing miner is dead.........

    Where was ag ?

    See what happens when you refresh the comments section of minerbumping every minute ag.

    #minerslifesdon'tmatter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. ag is so impotent. They *could* have a spai in our fleet with us and still they can't seem to get their stuff right! They just fail all the time.

      What would Thomas think if he knew his HSM friends were helping us gank?

      That's like double failure. XD

      Delete
  10. Thanks for another name to add to my big list of CODE clowns in need of a good ganking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Sol Epoch, cry more you big baby.

      Delete
    2. Another carebear fantasy. You are impotent like the rest of the shardani army.

      Keep dreaming cane toad.

      Delete
  11. That's it. Keep dreaming that no one will ever fight back. Just remember all CODE agents are smart and all miners are dumb. We're great and miners are scum because James tells us so. The more confident you are the better for me. Bye for now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa miner! You sound you could be real compliant, extracting every ISK worth of every yearly mining permit you bought for your characters! Just buy them already, show 'em how it's done!

      Delete

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