Wednesday, January 31, 2018

The Orcas of Nakugard, Part 8

Previously, on MinerBumping... The Nakugard system was crawling with Orca mining bots. Then Agent Alt 00 came to town and wiped them out with her newly formed Talos gank fleets. Some miners cheered, though others were filled with anxiety. Whenever a miner spoke up to question Alt's pro-Code policies, she ganked them. But could she win their love?

The beauty of the Code was on full display in Nakugard. You'd have to be really uncultured not to appreciate a sight like this.

It would be an understatement to say that Majura KIseki picked the wrong day to bring a freighter into Nakugard.

As luck would have it, a Thanksgiving ganking contest was running in the MinerBumping channel at the time. Alt 00 submitted the freighter gank and won a prize. She was thrilled--but realized that the Nakugard miners might not be happy for her.

A day had passed without any sign of Orca miners in the system. Just when our Agent started to think the Orcas might be gone for good, she detected two on her scanner. And one of them was fielding 'Augmented' Mining Drones, forbidden by the Code.

Alt 00 rushed to Nakugard's defense. She destroyed the fail-fit Orca; the other quickly left the system in a panic.

The ganked Orca belonged to the same corporation as Djsky, another Russian Orca pilot. Djsky and company had been chased out of the system five days earlier. They were very foolish to return to the scene of the crime.

Alt 00 wasn't expecting to kill the Orca's pod, but she did...

...Because it was still sitting there, 12 minutes later. Our Agent dispatched one of her alts that didn't have a criminal timer and cracked the egg.

Now even the most bot-aspirant of miners got the message. Nakugard was officially clean, with nary an Orca in sight. For the rest of the day, Alt 00 kept watch, but no Orca botters dared enter Nakugard. The next day, the system continued to be a no-Orca zone.

Another day passed, and Nakugard's new era of peace continued. Alt 00's scans detected no Orcas.

There was no denying Alt 00's power, but some miners had "concerns" about what our Agent was doing. One of them, Katherine Altol, vocalized a heretical point of view. To support her position, Katherine quoted an anarchist. Whoever said that quote, it wasn't me--which means it was probably wrong.

Katherine's unauthorized opinions threatened to make the other carebears grow restless, so Alt 00 put her to death and podded her out of the system. Nakugard belonged to the Code, and only the Code.

To be continued...

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Your Responsibility to Read the Code

We all know that everyone in highsec is required to obey the Code. Even the worst of the rebels understand this, though they choose--for now, at least--not to live up to their obligations. There are, perhaps, some in the "resistance" who still fail to realize that the Code is their law. But even they are aware that disobeying the Code results in the destruction of their ships.

So we know that all of highsec must follow the Code. And to follow the Code, you've got to read the Code. This responsibility can't be delegated to others; everyone has to read it. Some carebears struggle to read the Code at all. Many others struggle to give it a proper reading: Casually scrolling to the bottom like it's an update to the EULA and clicking "accept" simply won't do.

I'd like to spend a bit of time talking about one's duty to read the Code. I think this conversation will be enlightening for a lot of folks.

The responsibility to read the Code, to read it well, and to read it often, is a responsibility that falls heavily upon the highsec carebear. Before we dig any deeper, though, I'd like to address something that the more mischievous rebels will undoubtedly want to raise--the old "you don't follow your own Code" chestnut.

Agents of the New Order are experts in the Code. Alt 00, for example, is famous for pulling quotes from the Code (and MinerBumping posts) like arrows from her quiver: Fire arrows, poison-tipped arrows, boxing glove arrows, or whatever the situation calls for. It's an impressive talent.

Yet an uppity miner may be inclined to ask, "Don't Agents need to read the Code? Shouldn't they be required to memorize it, and prove it to a rebellious carebear's satisfaction--or else they're breaking their own Code?" This is nonsense. It is not an Agent's job to answer to carebears. Agents, in fact, are the Code; they embody it. The Code manifests itself in them. A carebear trying to quiz an Agent about the Code would be like a man demanding that a gust of wind read books about aerodynamics.

No, like the other aspects of the Code, it is up to the carebear to obey. And the carebear must do so to the Agent's satisfaction.

When confronted with his responsibilities, a highsec miner may wail. They so often do. Yet the requirement to read the Code is probably one of the easiest and most enjoyable tasks a carebear will be called upon to carry out. It's a lot more pleasant than being ganked, or engaging in PvE. It's not depressing or toxic like talking to an Anti-Ganker. The Code is short, and it's so well written. And it's in seven(!) languages. How does a carebear flunk the "Read the Code" test?

The Code, as I said, is brief--fewer than 2,300 words. According to Google, the average adult reads about 200 words per minute. We can assume that the average highsec PvE'er reads at about half that speed. In less than 23 minutes, then, they can train "Code" to level I. Compared to other EVE tasks, that's not so bad, right?

It should go without saying that reading the Code once is a good start, but it's only a start. A carebear should read the Code slowly and carefully enough to comprehend it, too. We don't want all of those beautiful words bouncing off the miner's thick skull, do we? Since the Code is so profound, so deep, and so layered, it's important for a miner to read the Code more than once. And, owing to the frailties of the human memory, a miner needs to read the Code on a regular basis.

It's not a lot to ask. Carebears, think about how much time you spend playing EVE overall. Now do the math on how many times you could read the Code if you spent just 5% of your EVE time reading the Code. Just five percent! The other 95% you could do whatever you want (within the boundaries of the Code, of course). Just as an example, consider the miner who spends around an hour per day playing EVE, five days per week. That comes out to 260 hours a year, 5% of which is 13 hours. Within that space of time, a carebear can easily read the Code more than 30 times. Someone who devotes twice as much time to EVE could read the Code 60+ times per year.

So, carebear, how many times did you read the Code last year? I'm guessing many of you came up short, even with 95% of your EVE hours being open to activities other than reading the Code.

(And before you ask, no, you can't multitask. If you're reading the Code while mining, you're considered AFK. Dock up, log out, and then read the Code.)

So, carebear, what's your excuse? We've proven that it isn't a lack of time. "But James 315," you say. "I'm a rebel miner. I don't agree with the Code. I don't believe in it."

That's an exceptionally bad reason not to read the Code. First of all, you live in highsec. Even if you reject the Code, it's the cornerstone of the culture and civilization in which you live. That alone makes it worth reading, for compliant and non-compliant miners alike.

Then there's the fact that there are so many powerful Agents out there, and they do embrace the Code. If you're a rebel, you have every reason to read the Code, if only to better understand your enemy. If you were a terrorist and you had a copy of the counter-terrorism manual being used by the people hunting you down, wouldn't you read it? And carefully?

No, rejecting the Code isn't a reason to avoid reading it. It's in the rebel's self-interest to read the Code. Rebellion isn't his motive, then. If he fails to read the Code, he can only be motivated by pure, unbridled bot-aspirancy.

I'd like to conclude this post with a suggestion for CCP, since they can never have too many good ideas: Incorporate the reading of the Code into the new player experience. However, as we saw with the example of EULA/ToS getting scrolled through, it needs to be implemented in the right way. I think the most obviously reasonable way to do this would be to display the text of the Code one phrase at a time, and then have the player click to go to the next phrase, and keep on going until the Code has been fully read. Have each player do this when he creates a new account, and maybe once every month after that. Agents of the New Order would be exempt from this requirement.

Also, the player should be required to enter a Captcha each time to unlock the next phrase. I know it's a pain, but unfortunately we've seen how people have used macros to automate things in EVE. The bots and bot-aspirants need the Code most of all. Let's give it to them.

Monday, January 29, 2018

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 34

Previously, on MinerBumping... Mission Ready Mining was bump-drunk after weeks of being pummeled by New Order forces in the Gelhan system. Though MRM had hired several mercenary groups to come to their aid, they somehow managed to alienate The Marmite Collective, which went to war against MRM. A wild rumor took hold among the half-mad miners: The Marmites and the mighty CODE. alliance must be in cahoots!

Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet returned to Gelhan for another day of doing what he'd been doing from the start: Bumping non-compliant miners. Now, however, MRM "intelligence" was convinced that these actions were part of a wider conspiracy.

MRM spymaster Slypher Hekki believed that there was no longer any doubt about the matter. The Marmites and CODE. were guilty of colluding with each another.

TheInternet tried to ignore the chatter, focusing instead on bumping an unlicensed Hurricane. Yet the scandalous charge of collusion cast a pall over Gelhan. Everybody was talking about it now.

According to MRM propaganda, CODE.'s alleged mercenary contract was a violation of the Code. Slypher argued that it's illegal to bump or gank unlicensed miners for pay. TheInternet knew that his motives were pure, so he ignored the conspiracy theories and went about his work.

However, the collusion story wouldn't go away. Agent Georgia B Dixie entered Gelhan only to find that yet another discussion about the Marmite-CODE. connection was already underway.

From Agent Georgia's perspective, the whole thing made no sense. Marmites are mercenaries, so why would they hire mercs themselves? Wouldn't it make more sense to accuse CODE. of hiring the Marmites? Also, the miners' timeline was way off. The Marmite wardec didn't occur until, what, two dozen parts into the story?

Nevertheless, the miners went along with the conclusions of MRM's top analysts: The New Order was intervening in Gelhan for the purpose of helping the Marmites win the war. New Order Agents were obviously getting some kind of payoff, and that made all of their bumping activities illegitimate.

There was one problem with the story that made some MRM members uncomfortable. Ever since the days of the Guiding Hand Social Club, EVE players have had a fascination with mercenaries. Granted, the heyday of the mercs is long past, but some element of it remains. Paul Kirk didn't like the idea of calling Agents mercenaries, even if it was the party line. In his eyes, it would raise their stature.

Over the following days, more MRM members were caught mining just outside Gelhan. They no longer believed in victory; they were deserters. Gankers intensified their patrols in adjacent systems.

Of course, non-MRM miners were also ensnared during these operations. They were duly informed that all mining activities in the Gelhan neighborhood carried heightened risk.

Miners don't like being kept informed, though.

Agents Kalorned and Georgia occasionally spotted tanked miners and subjected them to enhanced bumping techniques. Because so few MRM members dared to undock, it was easier to concentrate on correcting individual miners. At times, a single miner might find himself bumped for an hour at a time--or even longer. Slypher once again threatened to get CCP involved.

Just then, Gelhan received a special visitor. It was the return of Gai Heiyuu, the CEO of Mission Ready Mining.

To be continued...

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Kills of the Week

My impression of a bot-aspirant rebel: "Don't worry about getting a New Order mining permit. I've been mining here for years and never seen an Agen--*BOOM*." Want me to do another one? Okay. "Don't worry about getting a New Order mining permit. Just fit a tank and you'll be--*BOOM*."

As you can see from these selected kills from the week of January 21st @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 27th @ 23:59 EVEtime, those impressions are spot-on. Uncanny, really.

Carebear apologists accuse our Agents of "torture". It's nonsense, of course. If you want to see torture in EVE, check out what Samiris Duran was doing to this Megathron hull. Disgusting. Agents Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Pod-Goo Repoman, Hek Arbosa, and Aaaarrgg gave the Megathron the merciful release of death. It's in a better place now, far away from Samiris Duran.

This is the kind of freighter kill that demands an explanation. Liendao Gregento lost her Charon to Agents Siegfried Cohenberg and Braggs Seyllin. Observant readers will note that Siegfried isn't on the killmail, though. And the elite, eagle-eyed readers will note the damage: Braggs only did half a percent of the total.

Siegfried is one of the most gifted bumpers out there. He quite literally bumped the Charon to death. As for the Guristas NPCs who applied 99.5% of the damage, they're undoubtedly Agent-aspirants. Arguments about sentience aside, those Guristas have more of a soul than most carebears, that's for sure.

People often ask: Which is the most elite PvP alliance in EVE, CODE. or Pandemic Legion? I'll let the reader decide, but I think it's worth noting that every time PL and the mighty CODE. alliance have gone head-to-head, CODE. has prevailed.

As was the case here. Miss Jools did her best, but she was no match for Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Alison, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Joel Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jason Kusion, Tax Collector Kimi, Eden Jayne Quiggins, brainlet, Ding Dong MingMong, and Mining Lord 1999.

This was the jump freighter's cargo. In fairness to PL, the pilot was only a member of Sniggerdly. That's like their feeder corp, right?

Poor Danny Daraka. Nobody told him about all the jump freighters with ORE cargo expanders who have been dying in the Iyen-Oursta system. Not only did nobody tell him, but apparently he's gotten behind on his MinerBumping reading. Always a costly mistake.

Agents Jayson Kusion, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Alison, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Kittens, Jason Kusion, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector HongMei, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, brainlet, Mining Lord 1999, and Ding Dong MingMong torched the AFK jump freighter and set him back 20.8 billion isk.

If you're too poor to buy a jump freighter, you can lose all your stuff in a Deep Space Transport for a fraction of the cost. What a bargain! Drunken Phonebooth wandered into Uedama looking very out of place in his Impel. Agents Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, and brainlet greeted him with the "Uedama hello", which looks suspiciously similar to the "Uedama goodbye".

Phugoid was smartbombed by Agent brainlet after losing his 2.5 billion isk Orca. You know you're in for bad times when your pod costs more than your Orca. Phugoid lost all 3.6 billion isk of his implants.

Speed and armor are nothing compared to the Code. Don't forget it--or else our Agents will have to remind you.

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Seventy-Three Billion in Shares Sold

The New Order of Highsec is the most vibrant and vital part of the EVE experience.

...Partly because even when people leave the game, they send us their isk and we only grow stronger. Remind me again why player retention is a good thing?

Zoe Worclaw purchased 875 shares, which took us past the 1,572 billion isk mark and earned the Permabanned Heroes of the Code another Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ by proxy.

Funny story: The Agent commended by Tarth Mikakka in this EVEmail also purchased shares this week, but not enough to earn a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Yet the Agent inspired Tarth, who bought more shares--500 to be precise--which took us past the 1,573 billion isk mark and earned him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. You see? I told you this story would be funny, and I delivered.


Agent Australian Excellence and his fellow gankers have been killing a lot of freighters and jump freighters lately. You may have noticed the carebears' screams.

One of the ganks was filmed for your viewing pleasure. It's just a nice, casual video hosted by Streamable.


Someone sent me a piece of New Order artwork by email without leaving an in-game name. Who gets the credit, then, you ask? Maybe it should be dedicated to the Permabanned Artists of the Code. (EDIT: Agent Count Ragnar Danneskjold has taken credit for the piece.)

Look at that elite signage. So much for all the miners who claim they weren't warned about the Code.

Friday, January 26, 2018

Unmasking the False Permit Holder

We all know that using a Venture for highsec mining is a strong indicator of bot-aspirancy. The same certainly applies to using a mining frigate for the gathering of highsec ice.

Ellandan Gallix was caught mining ice in a fail-fit Endurance--in Kino of all places! After their round of elite PvP concluded, Agent Lawrence Lawton received a convo request from the miner. An apology, perhaps?

Ellandan immediately protested his innocence, claiming to be a permit-carrying miner. These can be some of the toughest convos to deal with.

Lawrence tried to explain himself, but Ellandan was a bit too huffy to listen.

The rebels cynically claim that a New Order permit means nothing. Actually, our Agents take the permits very, very seriously. Agent Lawrence was eager to straighten things out.

Specifically, Lawrence wanted to straighten the miner out. And while he was at it, he collected evidence of the miner's true nature.

There's a big difference between a Gallant miner and a Goofus who thinks he bought a "get out of jail free" card for 10 million isk. The latter loses his ship and behaves disrespectfully to his superiors, the Agents of the New Order. Ellandan didn't waste any time in proving himself to be a Goofus.

Within seconds of the convo closing, Ellandan made good on his threat to file a petition with the Saviour of Highsec. Ellandan got super lucky. No, he didn't get reimbursed; he got his mail answered in Highsec Miner Grab Bag #148.

As you might recall from said Grab Bag, Ellandan sent Lawrence more evidence of his bad faith. He never intended to be a Code-compliant miner. Not with that attitude.

And as for his reaction to the Grab Bag?

The miner decided to burn more bridges. Actions speak louder than isk: He may have purchased a mining permit, but Ellandan simply wasn't ready to join the New Order family. Highsec is thankful that Agent Lawrence exposed the truth about this miner.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

The Orcas of Nakugard, Part 7

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Alt 00 brought justice to the Nakugard system by slaughtering its Orca bots and scattering the survivors. The remaining miners acknowledged her ability to destroy any of them at any time she chose. At first, this led to peace and order. But eventually, the miners' pesky emotions began to reassert themselves.

Haze Tveskoeg wanted answers for the battlecruiser he'd lost months earlier. As he grew more agitated, Alt 00 offered him some calming words. It seemed to work--so far.

No sooner had Haze simmered down than another rebel popped up in his place.

Young Ok Kim wasn't satisfied with the way Alt 00 handled the Haze case. She identified with Haze because she, too, was an unlicensed miner. A classic case of bias. If the Haze matter had been taken care of more privately, perhaps Young wouldn't have been provoked. Transparency comes at a price.

Like a jaded old prisoner who meets a new inmate and tells him the score, Haze cautioned his fellow miner. Alt 00 had enough DPS at her disposal to kill any carebear, no matter how tanked.

Alt 00 eyed the self-destructive miner with compassion. She wondered what her beef was.

Just then, Haze went back for another good wallow in self-pity. Was Young Ok Kim's defiance stirring him up?

The miners grew more uppity. As Alt 00 suspected, they were feeding off of each other.

Our Agent uncorked her italics and quoted the Code, but even this was not enough to subdue the unruly pair.

Alt 00 sighed and drew five Catalysts from her deck of gank alts.

Despite using a semi-tanked Procurer (the kind that rebels say can't be ganked), Young Ok Kim was utterly destroyed. Alt 00 podded her, removing the miner's toxic influence from the system.

Haze still wasn't satisfied. Alt 00 had killed a miner before his very eyes, but the act hadn't won Haze's heart or mind.

Young remained defiant, too--though now she had to share her troubling thoughts by EVEmail.

Alt 00 was genuinely puzzled. She'd brought so much death and destruction to Nakugard, yet it didn't make the miners love the Code. Was it possible that she was going about this all wrong? Then Alt 00 had a realization: She obviously hadn't killed enough miners yet.

To be continued...