Monday, November 18, 2019

The Best Revenge, Part 14

Previously, on MinerBumping... In a matter of weeks, aiva naali went from highsec miner to chief theorycrafter for the Imperium--or so he thought. Although aiva was preoccupied with his secret superweapon projects, the fact remained that he had not yet been cleared by Goon security.

Through Discord, aiva kept his friends in the New Order updated on the latest in aivaworld. Next on the agenda: Operation "mans fear". aiva's colleagues had only two weeks to prepare. Hopefully the Goon security check would be done by then. The result of the security check, of course, was not in doubt.

Things escalated quickly. In a moment of inspiration, aiva decided to schedule Operation "shrub" for the very next day. The self-styled nullsec mastermind was tired of merely talking about his ideas. He wanted to see them in action.

...But aiva would need to settle for the next best thing--a written report. All of the action happened off-screen.

Slowly but surely, aiva became accustomed to the idea of commanding the Imperium's forces from Discord. To be sure, it was only a desk job--but an important one.

Nevertheless, it was inevitable that aiva would wish to see his war plans carried out in person. When that happened, he would find out whether his friends in the New Order were faithfully translating his dreams into reality--or if his fleets only existed on paper.

For now, though, aiva was too busy micromanaging the Imperium's war against Pandemic Horde. He expected it would be a fight to the finish.

A new series of orders issued from aiva's desk. The long-awaited "wreaking ballqual" and "muse" were to be given proper tests. In case the details of these fleet compositions are not clear, they mostly involved titans, freighters, and Rorquals. If that sounds strange, remember that only aiva had the secret sauce to make them effective.

But, as usual, there was more to aiva's plan than met the eye. He wanted his superweapons to be subjected to both real and false tests. That way, Pandemic Horde spies would be misled by the results of the fake tests.

Regardless, this time, aiva would be coordinating the tests in person. No one else was qualified to fine-tune the wreaking ballqual, muse, and fake ("fack") muse.

Unfortunately, a minor hiccup scuttled the tests. aiva (recently code-named "anvil") was immediately informed.

Until the Chinese civil war was sorted out, aiva would not be able to see his secret weapons in action. Naturally, the Imperium called upon aiva to figure out how to deal with the civil war. He obliged.

After all, the Imperium's new leader had everything well in hand.

To be continued...

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Kills of the Week

Practice, practice, practice! You know, for years our Agents have been telling the carebears to get right with the Code and start an exciting new career in ganking. Carebears need to learn how to PvP properly. Otherwise, they'll fall behind the rest of EVE. It's such an important lesson that our Agents are willing to give these carebears the push--the bump, if you will--that they need. From the week of November 10th @ 00:00 EVEtime through November 16th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Former freighter pilots of EVE, you cannot hide your contraband in an Occator. Our Agents have been killing those things forever. Daspus Tuggs managed to lose a staggering 48 billion isk when he was caught autopiloting. Agents Vlada Inkunen, Ukira Kunero, Rante Charante, Zhung Fei, and Ariku Orenuk sacrificed 5 Tornadoes and scooped 26 billion. Not bad.

This was the kind of stuff that Daspus was hauling around. Daspus needs to PvP more.

On the other hand, PvP'ing badly is never the answer! Highsec miner TieLight somehow got the idea to duel Agent Krig Povelli while in a 252 million isk Mackinaw. Krig was in a Triglavian assault frigate at the time. And he had the Code. After Krig easily won the battle, he popped TieLight's 684 million isk pod. Then the miner sought revenge by bringing in a capacitor-tanked Dominix to suicide gank Agent Krig. Once again, Krig won. Noticing a pattern yet, carebears?

Late last week, Raynord took a speed-tanked jump freighter into Jita, a place where jump freighters tend to die. Somehow the bot-aspirant managed to be surprised by what happened next. 'Twas a delightful ambush organized by the Kusion and Fizzleblade families: Agents Jason Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Josh Kusion, Ilvari, Yojiro, Franz Fizzleblade, Justin Kusion, Luscius Uta, Jeffery Kusion, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Jack Fizzleblade, Archibald Fizzleblade, Walther Fizzleblade, Unfit ForDoody, Hermann Fizzleblade, Jared Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jaiden Kusion, Jack Kusion, Erich Fizzleblade, Lutz Fizzleblade, Jax Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Hagen Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Etriza, Homoerotic Finger Painting, and Miraille. Another 10 billion isk down the drain.

Still, hauler pilots continue to experiment with ways to try (and fail) to evade detection. Elkin Sklor used an interceptor as a hauler. He was caught by Agents Cautiously Optimistic and Depressed and Aroused, who keep smartbombing battleships in lowsec for just this purpose. Elkin fully intended to smuggle his wares into highsec. Not while the New Order is in charge, my friend.

Yes, even ordinary cruisers are being transformed into Code-violating haulers. Solomon Iskander thought he'd be inconspicuous in a Maller. Just in case his gambit failed, he decided to equip some defenses. But he couldn't decide which strategy to use. Tank, speed, or Warp Core Stabilizers? He tried all three. And they all failed. Agents Narl' Amhar, Votre Dieu, Astrid Tyrfing, and Rungerd taught the carebear that there's only one way to stay alive in highsec: Obey the Code.

Even in 2019, there are people who think they can autopilot through highsec in a shuttle. Victor Victor Rothwulf had 4.3 billion isk worth of implants, but he couldn't even bring himself to protect them with more than a shuttle. Agent Aaaarrgg pops shuttles for a reason. People like Victor are the reason.

Farewell, Victor's implants.

Saturday, November 16, 2019

Tugging at the Hems of Power, Part 1

"Here is my permit," says the rebellious miner.

"...And here is your gank," replies the valiant Knight.

Skrymir Ornulf got a special delivery of karma from a group of Agents whose name began with the letter "K". This should have been enough to warn the miner against doing what he did next.

But the miner was a Goofus, and he knew not to whom he spoke.

Skrymir's antics drew the notice of Agent Kalorned, a professional Orthrus pilot with infinite bump ammo. Thanks to Skrymir, the Orthrus was summoned to the system and began bumping an Orca. The Orca was put out of commission, but Skrymir's friends were eager to retaliate.

This resulted in the destruction of a Harpy belonging to one of Skrymir's corpmates. Had Agent Kalorned's ganker alts scored another kill?

In fact, the Harpy had attempted to suicide Kalorned's Orthrus. It met the same fate as every other rebel who has taken up arms against the storied ship. So much for all of the carebears' complaints about ganking being overpowered, lacking risk, etc.

Skrymir seethed--and threatened.

His corp, Tug Industries Corporation, had all of the usual red flags in its corp description. 'Twas yet another "do everything/nothing" corp that marketed itself to new players.

Kalorned shrugged off the threats and renewed his bumping campaign. Before long, though, the Harpy pilot appeared again. Was Tug Industries Corporation serious about overthrowing the New Order?

This time, the rebel was in a Merlin. It attempted to free the Orca from being bump-tackled by webbing it. And when this tactic failed...

...He tried webbing Kalorned's Orthrus instead. The only result was CONCORD. Our Agent marveled at the anti-Code miners' foolishness. But their rebellion was only just getting started.

To be continued...

Friday, November 15, 2019

The Cowardly Miner

Santhorn Nellson sent this message shortly before he lost his corp and all of its assets. What did he learn from this experience?

Not enough, apparently.

Agent Guybertini punished Santhorn for violating highsec law with an anti-tanked Retriever. Yet the miner refused to change his mind about the Code.

Bot-aspirancy is a dangerous thing. Guybertini understood that if Santhorn persisted, the miner was sure to lose more assets in the future.

...But the non-compliant miners tend to be ungrateful ones, too.

And there was more at stake than Santhorn's isk. His emotional well-being also fell under Guybertini's jurisdiction.

Incredibly, Santhorn accused our Agent of being a coward. Generally speaking, winning at PvP is not an act of cowardice. Refusing to accept the reality of the New Order's dominion over highsec, on the other hand, is as cowardly as it gets.

The miner wallowed in self-pity. Guybertini wondered if he was getting through to Santhorn at all.

Santhorn continued to gnash his teeth. No, words alone would not be enough to convince this miner.

Despite losing a mining ship only a few hours earlier, Santhorn was growing more obnoxious, rather than less. Something was up.

So Guybertini ganked him again.

The Code never stops. And a bot-aspirant miner never stops failing.

Alas, Santhorn can expect more failure in his future.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

The Game Masters

Some organizations, such as Silent Company alliance, are known for harboring Code violators. They lead their members to destruction.

Agent Madame Mia has a special heart for members of Silent Company. She eagerly desires for them to get compliant with the Code--or get ganked.

Silent Company member Daz Solett witnessed the death of his corpmate. He was shocked to see Agent Madame do a thing like that.

Then, for some reason, Daz decided to drag CCP into the conflict.

One of the unfortunate side effects of all the "we need more newbros at any cost!" chatter is that some highsec dwellers are led to believe that ganking is against the rules. It is left to our Agents to educate them.

If EVE players and the CCP marketing team focused on recruiting more gankers to the game--as opposed to injector-sucking RMT'ers--we would not have this issue. People who understand the true spirit of EVE do not see phantom provisions.

Daz rummaged around on Google for a moment and proudly produced a CCP article about Rookie Griefing.

CCP has a long list--too long, really--of systems where new players have special protections.

Added to the already-lengthy list are the "Epic Arc" systems, for a total of 35 systems. Crucially, however, the system that Daz and our Agent were in was not among the 35.

The article linked by Daz also defined new players as being 30 days old or less. Daz did not qualify, and neither did his friend/alt who lost the Venture. In short, Daz's research produced a smoking gun--which fired two bullets into the heart of Daz's own argument. What a Goofus!

Madame called Daz on his bluff. After nearly 13 minutes of silence, Daz responded. Apparently he had spent the time drafting his petition to CCP.

Miners like Daz want to rewrite the rules and remake EVE in their own twisted image. But the Agents of the New Order will never allow that.

EVE players, if you enjoy the game, make sure to thank an Agent of the New Order. If not for their efforts, there would be nothing left in the galaxy but bot-aspirancy.