Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Ocean's Zero, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Rebel leader JTClone Ares' dreams came true when he was contacted by TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet and Captain Rick Tyson, who claimed to have a mole in CODEdot. They told him they would pull a massive heist and transfer the assets to JTClone's alliance, The Clone Republic. But to ensure everything went according to plan, they needed JTClone to give Captain Rick alliance executor corp director roles.

Rick and TheInternet firmly believed it was best to give Rick director powers, rather than relying on JTClone to do everything himself.

Though he'd first met Rick only about an hour and a half earlier, JTClone was willing to put his alliance in Rick's hands. High risk, high reward.

Before things progressed any further, TheInternet wanted confirmation that Rick had total control over JTClone's alliance. It was absolutely essential, if the heist were to have maximum impact.

Rick, the newest alliance director, was busy wrapping Christmas presents. Once finished, he would get another update from his high-level spy in CODEdot. Then they would learn if the heist would be performed that night.

The level of anticipation grew once again. JTClone and TheInternet were willing to wait on Rick's present-wrapping task. Wrapping, like EVE heists, cannot be rushed.

TheInternet got the idea to have EveNews24 publicize the heist after it was finished. JTClone was ecstatic. EVE's most trusted news source! JTClone imagined his portrait on the front page as The Clone Republic's glorious deeds were shared throughout the galaxy.

As time went by, the heist seemed less likely to be performed that night. There were a lot of assets in CODEdot stockpiles throughout highsec, but critical personnel were still online. Those men could stop the heist. Better that the theft take place while they slept.

TheInternet also believed that would be interested in hearing about a successful heist. JTClone could use the extra publicity to support a carebear CSM candidate. JTClone was thrilled by the idea. Victory was within his reach. This feeling must be what New Order Agents experience every day!

As they continued to await more information from Rick, JTClone and TheInternet discussed the implications of the heist for the umpteenth time. They both agreed that it would spell the beginning of the end of the New Order.

Now it was JTClone's turn to come up with a way to slap CODEdot in the face: Maybe the high-level spy could have CODEdot offer to surrender to The Clone Republic for three billion isk!

JTClone cackled with delight. He could even use the heist as a jumping-off point for another anti-Code speech. Unless a Christmas miracle occurred, the New Order would surely be doomed.

To be continued...

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Ocean's Zero, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... JTClone Ares, leader of a rebel alliance called The Clone Republic, was approached by TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet and Captain Rick Tyson, who claimed to have high-level spies in CODEdot. They invited JTClone to join their conspiracy to plan a massive heist of New Order assets. JTClone enthusiastically agreed.

As a new member of the conspiracy, JTClone Ares was sworn to absolute secrecy. No one could ever be told what took place in the private chat.

Now all the rebels needed to do was hammer out the details. How would the stolen CODEdot assets be transferred to JTClone's alliance? JTClone volunteered to set up offices in each station. But Captain Rick and TheInternet didn't yet know the locations.

For maximum flexibility, TheInternet recommended that JTClone grant Captain Rick some roles in JTClone's alliance. That way, Rick wouldn't need to waste time coordinating every step with JTClone on the night of the heist.

JTClone suggested that Rick simply trade the stolen assets to him. However, there was no guarantee JTClone would be online at the time of the heist.

Besides, trading is risky.

The rebels' scheming was interrupted by some alarming news: There was a 50/50 chance the heist could take place immediately. Everyone's adrenaline started pumping.

JTClone's concerns about whether to trade or give Rick roles were put on hold as the conspirators fantasized about the heist.

The impact of the heist on CODEdot morale would be enormous. Might it even be... the end of the New Order?

JTClone imagined himself at the moment of glory, surrounded by his fellow rebels in the Anti-Ganking channel. He would be the ultimate hero of the resistance, the first rebel carebear to score a victory against the New Order. The "Fishing Spider" would become a legend. When viewed from this perspective, JTClone's earlier worries about giving out roles seemed so small, so insignificant.

JTClone granted Captain Rick a role that would enable him to rent offices. However, Rick didn't have the director role, which he'd need to be able to bring new corps into The Clone Republic alliance. There was no need, after all. They were only talking about transferring assets.

For the first time, TheInternet raised a new possibility: His high-level spies might be able to coordinate a defection. The spy could cause an entire corporation to leave CODEdot and join The Clone Republic. The propaganda effect would be collosal.

With the "director" role in JTClone's alliance, Rick could do pretty much whatever he wanted. Would JTClone be willing to take that risk--to give that power to someone he'd met barely an hour earlier?

TheInternet once again stressed how important it was that Rick be given the necessary roles. The New Order's downfall could be orchestrated at any moment.

To be continued...

Monday, December 29, 2014

Ocean's Zero, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... JTClone Ares spent months recruiting carebears into his rebel alliance, The Clone Republic. He didn't know how to strike against the New Order, so he just kept on recruiting. But then, two days before Christmas, he was contacted by TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet and Captain Rick Tyson. They claimed to have a high-level spy in CODEdot, and they needed JTClone's help in bringing the New Order down.
JTClone Ares > accepted
JTClone Ares > lets burn code for a little bit
JTClone Ares > or all the way
Although initially concerned that he might be walking into a trap, JTClone couldn't resist joining the conspiracy. Especially since it mostly involved "someone else" doing something to stop the New Order.

TheInternet started to unveil the details of the plot. It involved a major heist of New Order assets.

Captain Rick added that there were actually multiple spies in the New Order who would assist with the plan. At least one of them, according to TheInternet, had a "golden ticket": Full access to New Order Logistics, the largest corp in CODEdot.

For the last two and a half years, the New Order has been completely victorious, winning battle after battle. But Rick believed that a spectacular heist would change the momentum of the war. Finally, the rebellion might have a chance. JTClone nodded along agreeably.

To fully exploit the positive effects of the heist, the resistance would need a single leader. JTClone immediately saw himself in that role.

If JTClone wasn't sold on the conspiracy before, he was now. This was his chance to wrest control of highsec from its democratically elected leader. For his own part in the heist, JTClone would need a ship--and a well-tanked one at that. (To a carebear, "tanked to high heaven" means the ship has at least a small shield extender to go with its cargo expanders.)

The conspirators grew increasingly excited. Visions of stolen CODEdot loot danced in their heads. They could already taste the rebel victory which had so long been denied them.

Because the New Order has its assets stored all throughout highsec, the heist would need to be perfectly timed and coordinated. The slightest mistake could result in failure.

JTClone was all-in. Now he only needed to know when to be online so he could take part in the heist. His job would be to ensure that all the stolen assets got transferred to offices under the control of his alliance, The Clone Republic.

Unfortunately, this would need to be an "alarm clock op", well outside of JTClone's preferred time zone. No matter. A little sleep deprivation was a small price to pay for one hundred stolen Catalysts.

Wait, a hundred?

Actually, the New Order has far more than a hundred gank ships in its possession. It goes through a massive amount of hardware each week. Captain Rick and TheInternet estimated more than 15 billion isk of ships in Uedama alone. The total heist would net the conspirators tens of billions. With that much isk, they would all be swimming in PLEX!

Upon learning the full scope of the plan, JTClone could barely contain himself. He once again affirmed his willingness to participate in the conspiracy. There was no mistaking it now: JTClone Ares was a rebel carebear. The conversation was clear evidence of his intent to commit treason against the rightful rulers of highsec. If the dastardly plot succeeded, it could very well mean the end of the New Order.

To be continued...

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Kills of the Week

Life is about choices. EVE is about choices, too. Let's consider some bad choices that were made by carebears during the week of December 21st @ 00:00 EVEtime through December 27th @ 23:59 EVEtime, and consider how we might help the carebears make better choices in the future.

And just like that, any goodwill Sack R-A-T-T-E might have possessed went straight out the window. It's truly shocking to see there are still people who fly quintuple anti-tanked mining battleships these days. At least he had an escape plan, though--in the form of a 1mn microwarpdrive. Agents Ilithyia Borgia and Mal Warre somehow managed to catch up to the speedy miner and unleash the full fury of their Taloses.

Sammy DavisJr had a lousy freighter fit, there's no doubt. He compounded the error by ignoring his obligation to buy a mining permit. Throwing caution to the wind, he jumped into Uedama, where he was killed. Now for some proof that our Agents are always thinking of inventive new ways to kill Code violators:

Agent Vanilla Mooses, inflicting 0 damage, got full credit for this piece of elite solo PvP history. How did she do it? You'd have to ask her, but I'm willing to bet that her faith in the Code played a crucial role.

Colandria added to the death toll in Uedama this week with her 15.6 billion isk jump freighter loss. Naturally, she was anti-tanked, because who ever heard of a suicide gank in Uedama? When you think about it, every carebear who lacks a permit is anti-tanked. Agents unknown boat, Sophia Soprano, Braggs Seyllin, loyalanon, karma balancer, Amyclas Amatin, Chocolate Mooses, Globby, Jason Kusion, Quaker Oatmeal, reaper Shardani, Sasha Cohenberg, and Buhbye Rollard deserve highsec's praise for this kill.

BONUS! A behind-the-scenes look at Kills of the Week!

Competition for a highlight in a Kills of the Week post can be very fierce. There are so many misguided carebears out there. They suffer tremendous losses, all because someone on Reddit or whatever told them not to buy a permit. For example, this week, I felt it was important to highlight a dead Orca. Who would get the spotlight?

There was a 3.7 billion isk Orca. A very fine kill. But there was also an astonishing 5.6 billion isk Orca ganked this week! And yet, that didn't get featured either. Because...

I don't blame you if you need to take a moment to compose yourself after this kill. Torisia Steele lost a completely unfit Orca worth 11.4 billion isk. Carebears, do you really need to transport your BPOs through Uedama in an unfit ship? Consider alternatives, please. Agents Theodoric Darkwind, Norek Crendraven, Tisiphone Dira, Zombiepilot, Amyclas Amatin, Sasha Cohenberg, Quaker Oatmeal, DJ Rubbie, ZombieAgent, and Jason Kusion destroyed the Orca, which was worth more than many nullsec fleets these days. New Order sovereignty was enforced well.

Returning to our behind-the-scenes insights this week... When I saw that a 5.1 billion isk pod was ganked, I was very impressed. Yet this wasn't the most expensive pod popped. An incredible 8.7 billion isk pod was destroyed. (It was actually worth just over 9 billion isk if you add the value of an implant listed as 0 isk on Eve-Kill.)

Surely--surely!--a pod worth 9 billion isk would be the most expensive implant loss this week. Well...

X-FEANOR's pod was worth nearly 10 billion isk, again adding in the value of an unrated implant. Agent Sasha Cohenberg landed the kill after X-FEANOR's freighter was popped. It was a rough day for ol' X-FEANOR; he lost not one but two freighters in addition to the pod. Naturally, both freighters were completely anti-tanked, because highsec is 100% safe and nobody needs to worry about those CODE. people.

As a side note, X-FEANOR has lost several freighters over the last few months. Carebear apologists, don't feel bad for him over that 10 billion isk pod loss, either: He lost another one of those to our Agents in October. He has only himself to blame.

I'm very concerned for X-FEANOR. He should be considered unarmed and extremely bot-aspirant. Odds are good that he's involved with botting, RMT, and/or other unsavory practices. If you'd like to get a 10 billion isk pod on your killboard, you might want to engage in some PvP with him.

If not for the Code, how many other X-FEANORs would be out there stinking up highsec? Every carebear has a choice: Follow the Code, or lose everything you have. Keep highsec beautiful.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Ocean's Zero, Part 1

Meanwhile, in the Anti-Ganking channel...
Alexis Mayfield > heh, gorila vengaza is now a member of the conference elite
JTClone Ares > yes
JTClone Ares > dont worry
JTClone Ares > you will be hearing the entire story once I talk with a friend
JTClone Ares > he owns a blog so
Alexis Mayfield > ... you mean james 315?
JTClone Ares > no
JTClone Ares > not that faggot
The big story this Christmas was rebel leader Gorila Vengaza's stunning decision to join the New Order and give our Agents temporary--but glorious--control of the Anti-Ganking channel. However, that was not the only Christmas miracle to take place. At the same time Gorila was making his move, another rebel leader, JTClone Ares, was at the center of his own story.

JTClone Ares got his start as the CEO of a highsec mining fail-corp called Damned Defeat. He encouraged new EVE players to concentrate entirely on mining. Disastrously, he also encouraged them to disobey the Code. Before long, New Order Agents (and future martyrs) Fighter Jets GuitarSolo and Jerry Rin awoxed Damned Defeat.

Even after learning that awoxers were in corp and slaughtering his miners, JTClone ignored the attacks. He simply told the awoxers not to kill his corp members. Then JTClone announced he was going AFK so he could watch "Godzilla" at a local movie theater. Incredibly, he even told the miners to keep mining while he was away. The miners followed their leader's advice and kept getting killed. When JTClone returned, he was outraged, but somehow got tricked into giving control of all Damned Defeat corp stock to our Agents. JTClone quit in a huff.

JTClone's hatred toward the New Order grew. He created new corporations, each one a failure. Now a fanatic anti-Order rebel, he began recording "inspirational" speeches against the Code.

After each defeat, JTClone reinvented himself and took advantage of more newbies who were unfamiliar with his previous antics. JTClone added a quote from Albert Einstein to his bio. To clarify, JTClone thinks of himself as the great spirit, and the New Order as the mediocre minds. (This often confuses those with knowledge of JTClone's past.)

Like TDD Dominaters, JTClone benefited from waves of new EVE players who didn't read MinerBumping and simply wanted a newbie-friendly corp to join. He persuaded dozens of newbies to join his corp. With a new flock of miners at his beck and call, JTClone became one of the most well known leaders of the anti-Order resistance movement. He created an alliance, The Clone Republic, and vowed to one day figure out how to stop the New Order.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > o/
JTClone Ares > o/
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I've seen you around before in anti-ganking and such
JTClone Ares > yeah
JTClone Ares > i tend to get around when i am in the mood
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > my friends and I have been working on a few plans against CODE., but we could use a bit of backup when the time comes
JTClone Ares > ah so allies?
Two days before Christmas, JTClone was approached by a pair of his fellow anti-Order rebels. Their names were TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet and Captain Rick Tyson. They expressed an interest in joining the growing ranks of The Clone Republic alliance.
JTClone Ares > normally what ends up happening is that you arent the first corp that has asked to merge with my corp
JTClone Ares > I will treat everyone in my corp the same and everyone has a say but i do have the final say in almost anything of a large scale design
JTClone Ares > we dont do solo teamwork and we do decided to do fleet ops when everyone is online
JTClone Ares > or try to get 2+ man fleets
JTClone explained that his alliance wasn't for a bunch of solo miners. He specialized in fleet ops. Fleets with two or even more members! Clearly, the man was building an army.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > perhaps i should tell you a bit about what we're working on so that you can judge for yourself if you think we're a good fit
JTClone Ares > np
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We're running agents within CODE that have access to high level info and we're working on a plan to disband the alliance entirely
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > you can't tell anybody
JTClone Ares > no worries
JTClone Ares > i tend to keep the info to myself
TheInternet revealed a shocking secret: He had a high-level spy in the ranks of the New Order. If all went according to the rebels' plan, the New Order would be in great peril.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > we were hoping to work with a high profile invididual such as yourself, as part of the overall plan that we're working on will likely require that, given one of the likely contingencies
JTClone Ares > okay
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I hope to secure a relationship with somebody like you well in advance of something like that becoming necessary
Captain Rick Tyson > we'll need a big name to spearhead it. it will draw people in in the end, right?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i think we've got a damm good shot here
The rebels were hoping to enlist JTClone, because he's an anti-Order celebrity. It was the moment JTClone had been waiting for. All rebels hope that "someone else" will do something to stop the New Order. Now JTClone was in a private convo with two someone elses.
JTClone Ares > hmm
JTClone Ares > just to fore warn you
JTClone Ares > if i am double crossed I am not so nice afterwards. and I have already proved a few times
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i'm an honorable man, my word is my bond
JTClone Ares > your word your bond. You break it I burn the bridge
JTClone Ares > my honor and your honor
But JTClone was wary. It seemed too good to be true. He'd already been tricked by New Order Agents before. He warned TheInternet not to stab him in the back. Luckily, TheInternet had honour.
JTClone Ares > oh and just to let you know
JTClone Ares > like an FYI
JTClone Ares > I prefer it if my enemies came to me and I wont go hunting to find people do to the fact i like to keep the control of the battlefield
JTClone Ares > never the other way around
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > like the fisherman spider
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > smart
JTClone Ares > I have played way to many tatic games to understand the art of war as well as few strategies I have yet to use
JTClone also explained how he preferred to operate. He likes to sit back and let things happen, basically. No wonder he's so highly regarded among the rebels--the man is a master strategist!
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i'm glad that you will help us, i think this will go well
JTClone Ares > so now the question is
JTClone Ares > when shall we start
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > this will be run in stages
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > the first gift for CODE will be a little christmas present if all goes according to plan
JTClone Ares > just aslong as i am not played by anyone I will be fine
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > excellent, looking forward to our partnership on this
After carefully weighing his options, the reincarnation of Sun Tzu decided he was willing to join the conspiracy, on the condition that it wasn't all just a huge scam with himself as the victim. Now the game was afoot. Everything was set to destroy the New Order by Christmas.

To be continued...

Friday, December 26, 2014

Yes, the Code Always Wins

The Christmas season has been filled with miracles.

Certainly it would be a miracle if TDD Dominaters stopped exploiting newbies with his high-tax fail-corps. That's not the Christmas miracle I'm talking about, though.

On Christmas Eve, notorious rebel leader Gorila Vengaza joined CODE.

Gorila joined up with a group of gankers and underwent his "baptism by CONCORD", killing freighters in Uedama. The Anti-Gankers were astonished. However, as a prominent leader of the anti-Order resistance, Gorila had a few more tricks up his sleeve...

The "Anti-Ganking" channel was created by a carebear named Astecus. As founder of the channel, Astecus retained control no matter what. But Gorila had long been a moderator of the channel. And while Astecus slept, the New Order's newest Agent sprang into action. In a daring tour de force, Gorila removed the other moderators and appointed loyalanon as their replacement.

Then came the masterstroke. Since the beginning of Anti-Ganking's existence, Astecus and the other moderators had built up a ban list, comprised of "troublemakers". The ban list was built, brick by brick, until it contained over a thousand entries. It was not so much to keep people out, as to keep them in; it was designed to keep the rebels in a bubble where they could not hear dissenting opinions.

The ban list was wiped clean, an action which could not be undone. The ban list would need to be built all over again. Anti-Ganking's Berlin Wall fell and New Order Agents came rushing in. Scorpions' "Wind of Change" blared from the speakers as our Agents embraced the poor rebel souls.

Not every carebear was ready to accept their new freedom, however.

Rumors spread like wildfire: Gorila Vengaza must have been hacked! Rebel leaders don't say the Code always wins, do they?

When the carebears finally accepted the truth, many of them were furious. Highsec "mining consultant" (that gets me every time!) Kalynn Shardani sent a blistering EVEmail to her former colleague.

A few hours later, Astecus awoke to a bunch of alarming EVEmails. He ended the party and started banning people. But his prized ban list was gone, and no one could erase the memory of the New Order's triumph--a triumph that was but a foretaste of highsec's great future. Nor could the carebears get over the shock of Gorila's change of heart.

On EVE-O, Gorila posted "Announcement From Gorila" to explain his actions:
....Lately my biggest Issue has been the campaign of RL death threats and accusing people of being sociopaths and psychopaths because of how they play a GAME. It’s something I do NOT agree with and have actively campaigned against since day one. It’s a hate campaign Veers is very vocal about and sadly his sentiments have carried over to the AG channels and I’ve seen many embrace it. I’ve sat back and watched the hate and I do NOT approve. I do want to say there ARE some good people in Antiganking regardless of the others and if my actions hurt those people I do apologize.

What I have found from the beginning is I’ve had more in common with CODE than anyone in AG. I can honestly say from experience is I’ve enjoyed my interactions with CODE more than many of my interactions with AG. I have felt many in CODE GET the game and what it means to play it. From 07 I have always understood that no one is safe in the EVE universe and nor should they ever be “SAFE”. You should also have FUN and be laughing when you play a game. Not many laugh in AG from my experiences there are MANY in CODE who do laugh and have FUN.

I’ve seen person after person claim to be the “normal players” while making death threats and other crap at CODE member’s children. To me there is a HUGE difference in telling someone you’re going to hunt them down and kill them INGAME as opposed to making threats to key someone’s car or assault their children in RL. If that’s “Normal” I’d rather be a “psychopath” and play with CODE.

With that said I now refer to a saying my new CEO is known for...

The carebears were furious. Kalynn sent Gorila another EVEmail, telling him to "enjoy your lies and voyage of hatred". Gorila again explained that he wanted to have some fun ganking people, which is as legitimate a play style as any other. Kalynn fired back:

Kalynn, like the rest of the "Ganking Is Bullying" crowd, really did believe only sociopaths would shoot a miner in a 0.5 system (doing the same thing in a 0.4 system is elite PvP). Kalynn continued:

The mining consultant wasn't the only rebel who was disgusted by the Christmas miracle. Many others chimed in. Gorila's actions drew condemnation from Veers Belvar in a series of comments on the Christmas Miracle MinerBumping post:
Getting Gorila to hijack the channel and delete the block list is a new low... even for CODE... and that's saying something. It's pretty pathetic to have absolutely no moral values or standards of common decency. Grow up.

"Real miners" want to mine in peace and accumulate wealth. If they were looking for content, they wouldn't be miners. Only trolls like "315 miners" who don't actually mine are looking for content and interactive gameplay.

And we do have content... it just doesn't involve hurting other people. You can play the game and be a decent person, you cannot suicide gank and be a decent person.
One can't help but be struck by the contrast: Gorila spent months leading the rebels and attacking the New Order, but he was welcomed into the fold by Agents with open arms. On the other hand, when Gorila took a step one millimeter away from the carebears' party line, they condemned him, called him a sociopath and a scumbag, and blocked him.

In short, 'twas a Christmas filled with surprises for all.

And the gifts kept on coming...