Tuesday, June 30, 2015

The Impostor Tweets

EVE has a long history of faux James 315s. We last reviewed the rogues gallery of impostors two years ago.

Some were mere references...

Most were low-quality...

And there were those, like this impersonator of Currin Trading, that had a lot of effort put into them--even creating fake New Order corps. Some of those listed above have since been deleted for inactivity.

...But new ones have popped up in their place.

What is their purpose? Only their creators know for certain.

On the other hand, the occasional impostor exists as a platform for broadcasting the rebel message.

If the rebel message were worthwhile, however, they wouldn't need to rely on my great fame. Clearly, rebels cannot compete in the marketplace of ideas. The Code retains its monopoly there.

What's this? The false James 315s have made their way to social media. Appearances to the contrary, this Twitter account, @theonlyJames315, is not the James 315 you're looking for.

It even includes an "ALWAYS" logo which bears a resemblance to the one used in CODE.'s alliance logo submission.

To make the illusion even more convincing, this false James 315 tweets things you might expect to hear from me.

For what reason was this Twitter account created? Is it an Anti-Ganker playing the long con? The pet project of a rogue Agent? Has the Code become sentient, no longer content to spread its message through human vessels? We may never know.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Uedama Justice in Video

So much happened in Uedama in the past few weeks that even the Kills of the Week posts were not sufficient to cover it all. Some of the action occurred on the forums, where recipients of ganks like this one resulted in tear threads...

One EVE-O thread, "An open letter to CCP", ran for 23 pages before it was locked at the rest of the OP, Finn McCoul.

To give you some idea of how many fireworks were packed into the Uedama area, I refer you to the statistics gathered by GoonSwarm's Ministry of Love. They were kind enough to include a separate section for the "Unrest in Uedama" event. The runtime of the event was defined as 5 days starting from June 18th and ending at 00:00 EVEtime on June 23rd.

Incredibly, the New Order killed 84 freighters, 5 jump freighters, and 16 Orcas, for a total of 335 billion isk. All in five days. Since Uedama has been burning throughout the month, you can rest assured that much justice was done in that system.

During Burn Amarr, TheMittani.com did some coverage through its Twitch stream. At the timestamp, the Ministry of Love's Warr Akini gives a well-deserved shout-out to CODE. Afterward, The Mittani speaks eloquently about the nature of the highsec carebears who are so disconnected from EVE's community on a day-to-day basis.

But that's not why you're reading this post. You want to see some freighters pop. Very well.

Submitted for your approval, ten minutes of wild freighter ganking action you won't see anywhere else, courtesy of loyalanon. The video speaks for itself, just as the carebears cry for themselves.

Permanent links to all New Order artwork may be found on the Links page.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Kills of the Week

The EVE Online community is buzzing about the New Order's successful campaigns in Uedama over the last couple weeks. But did the carebears--and I'm speaking about haulers especially--learn their lesson? Time to find out. Below, an examination of the week of June 21st @ 00:00 EVEtime through June 27th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

We begin with Kongami's Council Diplomatic Shuttle, which was ganked by Agent Aaaarrgg. The shuttle's sole cargo was a copy of "Shuttle Piloting For Dummies". Kongami shuttled it, but he didn't read it. And he wasn't alone in needing to hit this particular book.

Contrary to Grit Diaspora's belief, using shuttles as haulers is not the way of the future. He had over 2 billion isk of blueprints in his shuttle. He probably assumed that the New Order is only interested in ganking big freighters and Orcas, and that a shuttle can fly under the radar. Not so. We have Agents who specialize in popping shuttles and even autopiloting pods. Agent PV Rock is among them. No Code violator is too small to be punished. The New Order sees all.
From: Grit Diaspora
Sent: 2015.06.24 00:55
To: PV Rock,

yah well you can stick your "new order blah blah blah up your ass you ineffectual high sec camping pussy.grow some balls nad move to nul like the big boys...moron.
I don't think "ineffectual" means what he thinks it means.

When you've lost a PLEX shuttle like Juno1 has, what do you do? If you're a Gallant, you won't find yourself in this situation. If, once in this situation, you experience an epiphany and wish to become a Gallant, you offer a "gf" in local. If you're a Goofus, on the other hand, you'll do whatever it takes to try to guilt someone into giving you a reimbursement. You might send Agent PV Rock an EVEmail like this one:

Yes, this is a thing in EVE that people do.

Since the New Order has destroyed his favorite play style, Juno1 no longer saw any value in continuing to play the game. If you can't haul PLEX in a shuttle, what's left to do in EVE?

Taufer Otomeya killed more than 10,000 low-level NPC faction ships. According to our Agents' report, Taufer "did the only thing that bot-aspirants can do: loaded an untanked hauler and send it AFK to Jita." Not so fast! Agents Rick Therapist, Brutal Anna, and Carebears' Nightmare were waiting for Taufer. Time to collect more tags--or better yet, change careers.

Let's not bury the lead. Big-ticket ships like Haskie's Orca continued to face death and destruction in Uedama this week. The New Order's gank fleets were winning so much that they decided to have a little fun with it. In this kill, the whole gank fleet used Atron-class frigates! Agents 412nv Yaken, loyalanon, Sasha Cohenberg, Noll Kion, V-ktor Dolus, Kahvegi, Peter Podder, shootyou longtyme, Globby, Erika Anzomi, ThatOleSerpent, Sherman Cohenberg, Altus Exodus, Silvester Cohenberg, Stanley Cohenberg, Lisa Tears, Yasu Abraham, Stein Cohenberg, Sobieski Soreksen, Cassandra Skjem, and AeleDeux had a great time, obviously.

On the other end of the spectrum, Sara Torales was killed by a very small, very concentrated gang:

Agents loyalanon, Capt Starfox, John E Normus, and Sophia Soprano used only four Taloses to bring the freighter down.

It may be hard to believe, but freighter pilots like Maijur commit unspeakable acts of bot-aspirancy every day. Our Agents stop them. In this case, they formed a massive swarm of Catalysts to do so: Agents Aaaarrgg, Gohman Patrouette, Erika Anzomi, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, loyalanon, Martyr Oira, Rick Therapist, Globby, Sasha Cohenberg, Valorex1, Lament von Gankenheim, Silvester Cohenberg, Brutal Anna, James Clough, Jason Kusion, Sherman Cohenberg, Avi Shekelstien, Kresh Malik, Gallie Crendraven, Braggs Seyllin, Stanley Cohenberg, Bob Maulerantian, Sue Hamalia, Stein Cohenbberg, Sessuale, jumpstar, mobius Pava, Justice Miner, and Super Perforator know that it takes more than PLEX to play EVE.

We mustn't forget the miners! Agent Nicolas Dupre spotted a miner with some expensive faction mining drones--each worth 350 million isk.

The miner was operating in a 0.9 system, but no matter. Nicolas brought a Talos.

The miner's wreck, along with all of his mining drones, was looted. Modules from the Talos were also recovered. But what about the pod? Nicolas' Talos didn't pop it, but remember the pod specialists I was talking about earlier?

Agent PV Rock was called in to finish off CosmoX's Capsule. Including zKillboard's estimated 250 million isk value for the Harvest Gamma drone, CosmoX lost a pod worth roughly 8.75 billion isk. Imagine spending that much money on mining equipment--and then mining in a 0.9 system! He must have assumed it was 100% safe to mine there. Maybe it was, once. Not anymore. Highsec is growing up.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

The Rise of the Space Neocons, Part 1

Trust is a distinctly human element of EVE; it only exists where there is the possibility of deceit and betrayal. That's why bot-aspirants have no use for it. The bot-aspirant wants every transaction in EVE to be purely mechanical and scripted, like buying skillbooks from an NPC. They want to remove the human element: The building of relationships, the establishment of reputations, and so on.

The heartless bot-aspirancy of the carebears was put on full display when they begged CCP to remove awoxing from the game. They don't want to do background checks and connect with their fellow players, taking their measure on a human level. As bot-aspirants, they want to follow a predictable routine: Push button, get result. No need for trust.

The New Order and its Code stand opposed to bot-aspirancy in all its forms. The antidote to this particular strain of bot-aspirancy is, in a word, scamming. It ensures that good, human players are rewarded, while bad, bot-aspirant players have their assets confiscated in the name of the Code.

Enter the "Space Neocons". They're an elite unit of New Order Agents who want to keep trust a factor in the game. The Space Neocons consist of TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet, a modern-day Johnny Appleseed who roams highsec, teaching PvE corps to set up an ore buyback program; Gerry Rin, not to be confused with Code martyr and September 10th permaban recipient Jerry Rin; and Kalorned, the quintessential highsec Renaissance man--bumper, ganker, videographer, Code scholar, and social media mogul.

Last month, MinerBumping readers heard the story of koiso Phoenix and her corp, PwnySquad. The corp was not governed according to the Code, and so it was completely destroyed.

We know how the story must end. But how did it begin? How did the Space Neocons seize control, and what was the full extent of the damage? Today, for the first time, the Space Neocons have granted authorization to declassify the full, true account of this story.
koiso Phoenix > o/
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Hi
koiso Phoenix > whats up
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > not much, curious about your corp
We begin in the in-game Recruitment channel, where koiso and TheInternet first made contact.

TheInternet is a famous New Order Agent. There have been plenty of MinerBumping articles about his operations. koiso, however, was not a MinerBumping reader. Why would anyone in highsec need to read the New Order's website? No important information gets posted there, surely.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > the CEO is your alt, right?
koiso Phoenix > yea
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > kk, thought so
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > so you're just getting started
koiso Phoenix > yea im finally back from over sea and my old allience died on me
I know what you're thinking, all you rebels and skeptics. "There the New Order goes again, preying upon the brave men and women who serve their country overseas. How dare they, the sociopaths!"
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > ah what were you doing overseas
koiso Phoenix > just seeing the sights
...Or not. koiso went on vacation without telling her old corp, leading to its demise. Now she was ready to start a new corp.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > and im sorry to hear about your alliance
koiso Phoenix > it happens
koiso Phoenix > im trying the indust route this time
koiso Phoenix > try something new so im LF new and fun thing to try out... and new or expert ppl to help me along the way
This time, koiso was prepared. She had a well-thought-out plan for the corp.
koiso Phoenix > i see you alrdy in a corp not happy with it... lol ok np
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > yeah it kind of fell apart though
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > there was a big blowup at the top and our CEO and the main director left
koiso Phoenix > im sry i know how that feels
At this stage in the recruitment process, koiso performed a background check on TheInternet. This consisted of noticing that he was already in another corp. The corp in question, and TheInternet's dismantling of it, was the subject of a five-part MinerBumping series. TheInternet handwaved all that stuff in a few sentences.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > yeah kind of looking for a corp that is growing
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I had an ore buyback system that we had actually started running when the big drama happened
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > id like to get that up and running in a growing corp if possible
koiso Phoenix > well i like to supply my leaders with the equipement and backing they need
koiso had a plan for the corp, and TheInternet had one of his own: An ore buyback program. Things hadn't worked out in the past, but he still believed in his dream. Always follow your dreams, kids.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > ive got basically what I need to get started, but if you want to help fund ore buyback once it gets up and running it might help prevent any possible temporary shortfalls if we get very eager miners
koiso Phoenix > well i can start you out as a director give you an orca if you dont alrdy have one and i have a bowhead in waiting... we deffently need miners cuase im still working on mineing skills
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > alright, that sounds great
Almost exactly ten minutes after meeting TheInternet, koiso floated the idea of making him a director. TheInternet hadn't even joined the corp yet. Suddenly invested in the corp's future, TheInternet put in an application to join.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > o/
koiso Phoenix > that dark guy seems sketchy to you or is that just me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > theres nothing he can really do as long as you dont give him access to anything
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > ill keep an eye on him though
koiso Phoenix > your awesome
koiso continued to recruit new members to the corp. She asked her new confidant if "that dark guy" was suspicious. This kind of profiling was the full extent of PwnySquad's internal security.
koiso Phoenix > i have given you director status ill put alittle money in the corp wallet but i have to get to bed i have to be up for work in the morning :) i'll see you tomarrow i should be back on by 4pm central time
Thirty-six minutes after meeting TheInternet, koiso made him a director. Some would rob whatever corp assets existed, take over the corp, and be done with it. But this journey was far from over.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > hey did you say you had a bowhead too?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I've got a bunch of retrievers I need to move as well, mostly fitted
koiso Phoenix > yea im not worried about loosing money or ships right now but once we get going then i will tighten down on the money and ship giving
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > hey can I borrow your bowhead? i need to move a whole crap load of retrievers a ton of jumps
koiso had said earlier that she liked to give her corp's leaders all of the equipment and support they needed. TheInternet intended to put that promise to the test.

koiso's CEO alt contracted over the 1.3 billion isk ship without hesitation. In doing so, and in making TheInternet a director, koiso had shown faith. But the New Order has never been interested in a little faith, or even a moderate amount of faith. We want it all. Full faith. Nothing less.

To be continued...

Friday, June 26, 2015

Don't Tase Me, Bro

It's almost impossible to comprehend the sheer scale of the New Order's recent victories in Uedama. Hundreds of freighters and hundreds of billions of carebear isk have been destroyed. It's really been quite a spectacle. But when we look at statistics like these, it's easy to lose sight of the individual players involved. Today, the story of one freighter pilot who was ganked in Uedama.

It's a tale as old as time: A fail-fit freighter came lumbering into Uedama, completely oblivious to one of the biggest highsec events ever. Despite carrying no cargo, the freighter had two anti-tank cargo expanders fit, along with a nanofiber for some reason. As any bot-aspirant will tell you, every freighter needs a good mix of cargo expanders and nanofibers.

Fourteen Catalysts and loyalanon's Moa later, the freighter gave up the ghost.

The freighter pilot was Tase Ahashion. He, too, lived by a code. But unlike our Code, which is pure and true, Tase's code was just a series of weird, random "I'm a good guy" bullet points in his bio. For a good guy, he sure didn't have a problem violating the Code, did he?

Tase was also the director of a smallish highsec carebear corp. Its goal: "to have FUN". Its members accomplished this by hauling and mining, though they also dabbled in missions--adding a little spice to their EVE experience.

The day after this freighter was ganked, loyalanon received an invitation to join Tase in a private convo. Had Tase finally decided to offer a "gf" to our heroes?

Things got serious immediately. Tase sent CCP a strong (tech II?) petition regarding his freighter loss. While the petition was pending, Tase also wanted money. Better to get the isk out of loyalanon before he got banned.

Legendary bumper Siegfried Cohenberg joined the convo. He, too, was put on notice.

Naturally, Agent Siegfried asked which rules he was being accused of breaking. Tase declined to answer. How could Siegfried not know? Actually, this was a pretty good response from Tase. From now on, when a carebear asks an Agent to clarify which provision of the Code was broken, the Agent can answer, "If you don't know then we have a real problem." Nice!

loyalanon turned the tables. Unlike Tase, he was prepared to cite authority in the form of a landmark MinerBumping post from last year.

Unresolved issues remained. Tase accepted an invitation to join CODE.'s TeamSpeak server to have a heart-to-heart with the Agents who'd killed him. When told that the conversation would be recorded, Tase decided to making a recording, too.

Over the course of 18 minutes, a frank discussion took place. Tase asserted that it's against the rules to kill freighters in highsec, which he believes is a no-PvP zone. A debate ensued. Tase lost the debate. He quit.

A few hours later, Tase expressed his opinion that it was unfair for multiple Agents to be present during the TeamSpeak conversation. However, it was his own fault for not bringing additional carebears to represent his highsec PvE corp.

Although loyalanon was busy wrecking carebears and coordinating a fleet of New Order Agents, he managed to carry on a conversation. Tase didn't say so, but he was probably impressed.

As in the TeamSpeak discussion, Tase was challenged to produce any proof that the New Order doesn't keep its word.

As before, Tase lost the argument. He'd rather beg CCP to ban people for ganking freighters than simply pay the 10 million isk he owed. Greed is one deadly vice.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

NEW ORDER BOMBSHELL: Over Seven Hundred Fourteen Billion in Shares Sold

People buy New Order shares for all sorts of reasons. Obviously, from a business standpoint, they're a great investment--as recently demonstrated during Agent Kalorned's audit of New Order finances.

However, people also buy New Order shares for the purpose of personal growth and character-building. Super Perforator purchased 315 additional shares, which happened to send us over the 614 billion isk mark and earn Super Perforator a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Another good reason to buy shares: Celebration or commemoration of important events in your life, or in the history of the world. For example, celebrating Code Day.

There was some buzz in the MinerBumping channel over just such a purchase.

I'd like to introduce you all to my new friend, Elite Harvester. I think you'll find that he's your friend, too. Notice the party hat he's wearing? They don't just hand those things out, you know.

Elite Harvester wanted to spend some money on New Order shares for Code Day. How much to spend? One million isk? No, that's not really that much these days. Okay, how about...

One... hundred... billion isk?

Elite Harvester did the unthinkable, purchasing 100,000 shares. This sent us over the 615, 616, 617, 618, 619, 620, 621, 622, 623, 624, 625, 626, 627, 628, 629, 630, 631, 632, 633, 634, 635, 636, 637, 638, 639, 640, 641, 642, 643, 644, 645, 646, 647, 648, 649, 650, 651, 652, 653, 654, 655, 656, 657, 658, 659, 660, 661, 662, 663, 664, 665, 666, 667, 668, 669, 670, 671, 672, 673, 674, 675, 676, 677, 678, 679, 680, 681, 682, 683, 684, 685, 686, 687, 688, 689, 690, 691, 692, 693, 694, 695, 696, 697, 698, 699, 700, 701, 702, 703, 704, 705, 706, 707, 708, 709, 710, 711, 712, 713, and 714 billion isk marks.


Elite Harvester broke several records. He is the first to earn a Centuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, a manner of Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ which was heretofore only theoretical. This is also the largest single purchase of shares in New Order history. (The next-highest were batches of 39,000 shares bought by Erotica 1 on the eve of her permaban, and by Slave A00073078, in protest of that ban.) Elite Harvester is now the #1 shareholder among non-permabanned players, as well as the #1 shareholder overall.

The fourth year of the Code is off to a good start.

As a postscript, I understand that some bot-aspirants and carebears tend to get a bit fixated on the New Order's isk. They speculate about the Treasury going bankrupt, or the money disappearing, etc. This is typical of bot-aspirants, since they view EVE entirely through the prism of money. I would urge them to calm down and take this opportunity to embrace the Code and all it does for highsec. It's true that this hundred billion isk purchase will result in trillions of isk in losses for carebears over the following months. Not to worry. Our Agents will ensure that the right people get ganked.