Sunday, July 31, 2016

Kills of the Week

The New Order is the one great institution of highsec. It's a structure supported by many pillars, two of the most important being the pillars of Decency and Respect. Decency toward, and respect for, other players, the Code, and the principles of the competitive PvP emergent gameplay sandbox that is EVE Online. Living the values of the New Order has raised our Agents to great heights. But what happens to players who exhibit a lack of decency and respect in highsec? They end up as killmails on Kills of the Week posts. Such as the post for the week of July 24th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 30th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Not to "yacht shame", but it's utterly ridiculous that ZliDust was flying a ship called a "Victorieux Luxury Yacht". Was he unaware of what the Code has to say about decadence? He went on an AFK pleasure cruise through the trade routes of highsec, where he was met by Agents Lucia, Snapcase, and Eva Mavas. It turned out that the yacht was carrying war matériel.

Though zKillboard assigned the blueprint copies no value, the collection was worth an estimated 5.5 billion isk.

Mackinaw pilots have been doing terrible things lately. Alex Trape blinged-up his yield-fit Mack with expensive shield modules, which is basically the same as anti-tanking one's ship. He further insulted highsec by mining ore in a 0.9 security system. Carebears claim to be pro-newbie, but how can they maintain that position while stealing ore from newbies? Agents Hulk Poddington, Lawrence Lawton, Mack Poddington, and James Poddington found out and immediately put a stop to it.

Darth White didn't bother with the blingy shield mods or the 0.9 security ore theft. His was a more high-profile crime, though: His ship was equipped with two illegal ORE Strip Miners. Agents Pod-Goo RepoWoman and Aaaarrgg wasted no time in eliminating another pair of ORE Strip Miners from the chessboard.

Goodtotem didn't bother with a permit, but he did have the presence of mind to equip his freighter with three bulkhead mods. With over 334,000 hitpoints, he was confident no one could break his tank. However, he loaded his ship with cargo to the point that it was worth over 15.6 billion isk. He soon drew the attention of gankers from the New Order and the Goons' Ministry of Love: Ilsanore lea, The O'Reilly Factor, Bratok Srayona, Perlo Tissant, Bulkheads Won'tsaveyo (heh), Ricki Lake Show, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, BoneyTooth Thompkins ISK-Chip, BAE B BLUE, Bob Painter, Fabulous Andy, Jet Set Milly, BAE B PEW, Inspector Implant, Yojiro, dAbOsSlAdY77, Collateralized Contracts, Miros Homar, Elite Highsec PvP, Grant Bant, Gea Stormbound, Urban Worrier, Blasty McVoidFace, Skeezy McSkeez, and Howard Aihaken.

The freighter was carrying billions worth of Dysprosium, Promethium, Hyperflurite, and Dysporite--a bunch of nullsec nonsense, I presume.

Meanwhile, Esab anti-tanked his Occator within an inch of its life. Agents Rick Therapist, Brutal Anna, Marina Gankalot, and Carebears' Nightmare rallied a group of Thrashers and popped it. The 1.2 billion isk killmail resulted from a large quantity of Transmitters and Viral Agents--a bunch of PI nonsense, I presume.

People think I joke about the concept of "capacitor tanked" ships, but GallenteCitizen20080424's 2.1 billion isk Sin proved that it's no laughing matter. The sinfully decadent Black Ops ship was purged from highsec by the New Order and its Russian friends: Podliy Alkonavt, al-qa idah, SHTRIG, WolfDim, Aida Torture, Freedoms Bererund, KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb, Benglish, Drunken Nukem, Rei Ayannami, Rachel O'Conor, Sil Ver, Tin Lime, Alarik Maleus, and HABEPHO.

Kwane Skord didn't bother shielding his 3 billion isk pod with so much as a shuttle. He AFK'ed his way through highsec until he met his predictable end--death at the hands of Agent Winnie Po0h.

If your personal killboard has this many losses marked with orange portraits of me, you might be doing something wrong.

Billions worth of crystals, shattered in an instant. Carebears, protect your ships with something more durable. A mining permit, for example.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #111

Players should get flagged for engaging in passive-aggressive activities, too. Welcome to the latest edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Our Agents have experimented with a lot of different methods. So far, though, there's no surefire way to make a miner calm down.

As accommodating as we are, the miners act as if the requirements of highsec conduct are unreasonable.

Carebears don't just haul in-game items; they bring their personal baggage into the game, as well.

I've never met a highsec miner who actually had any powerful friends. Excepting, of course, the Agents of the New Order, who are the miners' only true friends.

John Ralar claimed to know who the bad guys are in EVE. Then he identified the New Order as the bad guys. Facepalm!

John further complained that he couldn't "make a cigarette" without being ganked. I wonder what kind of cigarette he was talking about? Miners, that's not why it's called "highsec".

Miners whine about being ganked for "no reason", but they only get even more irritable when they're told about the reasons.

Carebears are always moving the goalposts. First they say that ganking doesn't count as PvP. Then they say it's not "the good old PvP".

Aristoden Vishnu's message was slightly garbled, since it was filtered through Google Translate. The sentiments expressed in the original EVEmail made it through mostly intact. It doesn't always work that smoothly.

Agent Eva Mavas took one look at Ant Alidar's EVEmail and knew that Google Translate was going to have trouble with it. Our Agent wasn't wrong:

Fortunately, Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri was on hand to produce a more precise translation:

If only the Russians put as much effort into their Mackinaw fits as they put into their tearmails!

In case you were curious, I believe these are the Imps that the Russian miner was referring to.

Those sound like the actions of a genuine Agent to me. One thing, though: Please don't assume that your son "isn't a PvP type". Let the boy decide for himself whether he wants to leave the carebear life behind. I bet he does.

Friday, July 29, 2016

The Birth of Civilization, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned struggled to teach the miners of Abudban. It seemed Kalorned was incapable of making them love the Code, no matter how many of them he killed. But our Agent refused to give up.
SNIPER301090 > Gankers are back Krominal Kibbera Keraina Talie-Kuo
Krominal > Kill: Vitaliy Bessoltsev (Covetor) Kill: Vitaliy Bessoltsev (Capsule) Mining AFK in New Order space is not permitted
Remyo > Kalorned is CODE. Immediate gank warning.
SNIPER301090 > Remyo Too late
In his journal, Kalorned reflected: Remyo is late again. I wonder why I'm so fascinated by Remyo... I guess I've just never seen a more persistent failure up until now. I almost feel I have to better understand him as a benefit to all society in general. If I can understand Remyo's motivations, perhaps we could better deal with the mentally ill in general?
Remyo > Kalorned has the three CODE gank alts, it is not "them" as such as it is only one guy with 4 alts
SNIPER301090 > 4 alts ^^ crank ^^
Remyo > Snip you CODE propagandist or what
SNIPER301090 > i dont understand ^^ i am german and my english so not well
Remyo > Oh now you no habla English eh
Remyo's condition and paranoia seem to worsen by the day. An innocuous comment by SNIPER301090 seems to have triggered Remyo into thinking Sniper belongs to the New Order. If only Remyo took a moment to check his killboard, he would see Sniper is one of the miners he's attempting to "help".
SNIPER301090 > i hate the code guy... he ganked my hulk and mackinaw.... =(
Ch'lly > he bumps you to stop aligning so they can suicide gank you in blaster cats
Remyo > Apparently he has a bad day at kindergarten or something
Remyo > Kalorned would make nice psychopathological study for some criminal psych student
Remyo > He does nothing but griefs miners and traders
Even as Kalorned studied Remyo, Remyo studied Kalorned. Nevertheless, New Order Agents know much more about miners than miners know about Agents.
ArcAngel702 > hello
ArcAngel702 > questions does anyone know what is a good ore type to mine??
Remyo > Arc as long Kalorned is active NONE
Remyo > IF you mine when he is around, you will get ganked
Remyo > Arc perhaps try Rookie Help channel, local with CODE around is suicide
Remyo > Kalorned just cleared the Suspect flag, expect more ganks soon
At the very least, Remyo is educating newer miners to avoid mining. The method may be unorthodox, but the message is getting across.

I'm reminded of the old adage from my First Person Shooter days: Eventually you live to see the day you're so good at what you do that you're accused of being a cheater. I think the term used in FPS circles is "wallhax".

I can't help but laugh at the irony of Remyo insinuating I'm a bad pilot, as if he were some master pilot. His occupation and killboard say otherwise in any case. What is this, though? Another Retriever mining without a permit...

Naturally, the unlicensed miner refused to answer Kalorned--until he lost his mining ship, that is. Afterward, the sullen miner couldn't keep quiet. Carebears really do everything in reverse, don't they?

True EVE players often taunt the carebears by saying things like, "Go play Hello Kitty Online if you don't like PvP." Given the miners' penchant for playing other games while "playing" EVE, maybe they already are.

This miner seems to have taken his loss pretty hard. I need to remain careful not to aggravate him further.

As the miner continued to rage at Kalorned in local, the other residents of Abudban perked up.

The New Order has always tried to get people to pay more attention to local. Perhaps the miner's tears were the best incentive.

He calls me a terrorist; I consider myself the opposite. It's always interested me, people from different cultures looking at the same thing and having wildly different conceptions of it and what it means. To most, the New Order of Highsec and its Agents are viewed rightly as the saving organization of highsec. But to the minority, something has gone wrong and they perceive it to be anarchistic. It's so strange, and yet so fascinating.

Although the miner disobeyed Kalorned's command to calm down, the rest of Abudban started warming up to the New Order's presence. Was our hero finally getting through to them?

To be continued...

Thursday, July 28, 2016

The Birth of Civilization, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Hope came to Abudban in the form of Agent Kalorned, who encouraged the local miners to embrace the Code. Despite practical demonstrations of the importance of the Code, miners rebelled and spread propaganda based on outlandish conspiracy theories. Undaunted, Kalorned resolved to arrange even more demonstrations of how difficult highsec can be without the Code.
Krominal > Kill: Zaiks Kovrov (Venture) Kill: Zaiks Kovrov (Capsule) | Kill: Zakarius Bishop (Venture) Kill: Zakarius Bishop (Capsule) Mining AFK in New Order space is not permitted
Lady Darksied > lol
Lady Darksied > what a bunch of crap
Kropotkis > what a little shit
Lady Darksied > orbit the rock
Kalorned recorded his thoughts: It's a little strange to me that miners seem to only announce "advice" after it's too late. It's very similar, I've noticed, to the miners who claim "You don't need a permit" only after I've finished ganking a person. I'll just ignore him, maybe he'll go away.
Kalorned > Venture roundup time
Lady Darksied > somebody pod them before he types about the permit
Aubrey Anstian > lol
Krominal > Kill: Dirk SS-Nachfahre (Venture) Kill: Dirk SS-Nachfahre (Capsule) | Kill: Pheary Darkfall (Venture) Kill: Pheary Darkfall (Venture)
Another group of mining frigates and pods were destroyed. It must've pained Kalorned to see Ventures used for AFK mining in highsec when they were designed for lowsec ninja-mining.
Lady Darksied > fail
Krominal > Kill: Raven Atarto (Venture) Kill: Raven Atarto (Capsule)
Krominal > Mining without a permit in New Order space is not permitted
Lady Darksied > damn it
Lady Darksied > arg
Lady Darksied > orbit the rock
I've made a terrible miscalculation. By not intervening soon enough, Lady Darksied has become consumed by bot-aspirancy and is blathering nonsense now. I now know not to ignore a person in need within local ever again. With this loss, I will retire for the day... I think I've had enough.

The Code is a wellspring of joy. Each day, our Agents are refilled. That's why time is on our side.

I can't let yesterday's failure to intervene on Lady Darksied's behalf get me down. I have other business to attend to that requires me to stay docked today, but I will remain online to provide a comforting presence to the locals at least.
Remyo > Gank warning. Kalorned is CODE. If he comes near you, you are about to die.
Kalorned > o/
Kalorned > the one and only
Remyo > Kalorned watch out for this one
Remyo > Gank warning. Kalorned is CODE. If he comes near you, gank group is coming.
The fame and celebrity status enjoyed by our Agents is due in no small part to the anti-Code rebels themselves. New Order Agents are the center of every conversation in highsec--even when they're merely docked up in local and AFK for hours at a time.
Remyo > Gank warning. Kalorned is CODE. If he comes near you, you are about to be ganked.
Remyo > Gank Warning. Kalorned is CODE. Beware.
Metamorpth Sevi > u AFK kalorned?
Metamorpth Sevi > think kalorned is asleep, just left his eve logged in
Ithuriul > lol
Metamorpth Sevi > he is in station
I've only just returned to the client and can begin normal operations, but it seems in my absence Remyo has been issuing warnings to local every 30 minutes or so. Is he deranged I wonder? First the conspiracy theories, now the delusion that his warnings will have any effect on a lost population. I'd engage him in conversation and seek to get him some help, but he's still had me blocked since the other night. This is most unfortunate.
Svipull > Keraina Talie-Kuo , Kibbera , Krominal @ RENS + Kalorned ...
Svipull > the miners should look for another business this afternoon
Metamorpth Sevi > u back kaormed
Metamorpth Sevi > just all mine in a different system
Ah, Svipull, another regular around here who suffers from the same delusions as Remyo. I wonder what would motivate a parent to name their child after a terminal illness? Was Svipull an unexpected child, or perhaps he was expected but so difficult to handle during birthing the parents somehow grew disdain towards their child? Both of these possibilities are extremely depressing. It would be best that I not dwell on them for long, and simply focus on enforcement.
Ithuriul > any newer players on?
Ithuriul > what the fuck ass hole
Metamorpth Sevi > he is out of the station
Krominal > Kill: Ithuriul (Mackinaw) Kill: Ithuriul (Capsule) Mining AFK in New Order space is not permitted
This is why Anti-Ganker intelligence networks never succeed: Too slow, and too little intelligence. Yet Remyo persisted. Weeks later, he continued to report on our hero's every movement.
Remyo > Gank warning. Kalorned is CODE
Sanmigg > plzz diont
Krominal > Kill: Sanmigg (Hulk) Mining AFK in New Order space is not permitted
Sanmigg > u guys are nearly the think to quit eve
Remyo > Do not say that, they touch themselves if you say that
Another carebear quirk is their tendency to say "stop" or "please don't" while a gank is in progress. Such poor timing. It's better to make those types of requests much earlier--and to include a 10 million isk payment.
Remyo > Kalorned Keraina Talie-Kuo Kibbera Krominal one and the same guy
Sanmigg > big eggs to kill minner but to fight conncord not. go out auf six kin base
Remyo > Kalorned is still lurking around
0rangina > he stays in Six Kin Development like sanmigg say
Remyo > Belt 1-1 gank group remnants cleared out
0rangina > he left six kin
Remyo > He is looking for targets
Remyo is basically a fixture in the system now. He hasn't realized yet his efforts are futile. He has stepped up his efforts. Rather than simply announcing my presence in local, he has lately been "touring" the aftermath of ganks. Warping to belts and finding the leftover wrecks, he then relays the belt location to local. I'm trying to determine why he does this. I can't for the life of me think of a reason why such old intel would be of use to anyone any more than a vague warning I'm present would be.
Sanmigg > well i am going off and think about eve and my carrer.
Kalorned > It's good to always have a 5 year plan in place for your career
Kalorned > Lest you get complacent in your position
Kalorned tried to encourage the locals, but they stubbornly continued to play EVE the wrong way. "How do I reach these miners?" our hero must have wondered. Was Abudban doomed to fall behind the rest of highsec?

To be continued...

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

The Birth of Civilization, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned brought the Code to Abudban, and with it, the promise of peace and security for all who reside there. Sadly, the tendrils of bot-aspirancy all but strangled the local population, who responded to Kalorned with profanity and insults--and treacherous attacks. One after the other, Kalorned defeated his attackers. But then a deadly assassin came upon him with a Thrasher.

As you'd expect, the Thrasher died. It was no match for Kalorned's Orthrus--or his Code.
Kalorned > Kill: Metamorpth Sevi (Thrasher) Kill: Metamorpth Sevi (Capsule) Interference with New Order operations is not permitted
Metamorpth Sevi > gg
Kalorned > gf
Metamorpth Sevi > had to try to see how far it would go
Kalorned > good on you for engaging it good content
Rays of sunshine pierced the dark clouds of Abudban. The Thrasher pilot didn't rage. He even left a "gg" in local.
Kalorned > You werent satisfied sitting around mining, you did something about, that's to be commended
Metamorpth Sevi > need more skill i think
Kalorned > You chose the wrong ship
Kalorned > A single destroyer with a paper thin tank is not going to win against a cruiser
Metamorpth Sevi > well i am farly new to it all
Despite being accused of "griefing", our Agents are always encouraging to others.
Kalorned > That's fine, you'll learn if you keep at it
Kalorned > I would suggest you join a corporation that can further educate you
Kalorned > One such as Pandemic Horde Inc.
Metamorpth Sevi > dont worry there will be a nent time
Metamorpth Sevi > next
In the wake of his great triumph, Kalorned wrote down his thoughts: There seem to be some reverberating ebbs of violent resistance still in the system. I dispatched the Thrasher, he was a good lad, confused and misguided, but a good lad none the less, took his loss in stride. Perhaps my outreach to him will encourage him to leave his life of poverty and go on to succeed in this big universe. I just finished talking with Metamorpth, and it seems now I have another small fire in local to attend to...
Selnin > hypocrits who say one thing but actions say the opposite.
Kalorned > I'm sure you have a wealth of proof for that statement
Kalorned > It couldn't possibly be 4 threads of heresay
Selnin > tell me one bot/boxer fleet they have hit? none all independent miners
Immediately after Kalorned beat the Thrasher in honourable 1v1 PvP, another agitator began protesting against the New Order in local. There wasn't an ounce of truth to Selnin's propaganda. The New Order has a long history of destroying and disrupting bots. We are to bots what firemen are to fires.
Selnin > yet a guy with fleet of 50 and freighter and they leave the systems
Kalorned > We target bots judiciously
Kalorned > In addition to non-compliant miners
Kalorned > bots or not, all are subject to The Code
JorBrae Regyri > Kalorned preach the truth, brother.
Now I'm being accused of being a hypocrite, the tragedy of it all. I may have let my internal monologue get the better of me, I accidentally allowed a slip of sarcasm out, very unprofessional of me. I have to remember to remain professional at all times. The miners may not realize it, but it’s one of the best subconscious tools I have in helping them.
Selnin > Tell me then one bot fleet? show me the kill mails. There arent any as your CODE is nothing but hypocritical trash.
Kalorned > The onus of proof is not on me, I'm not the one making wild accusations
Kalorned > It's up to you to prove your statement
Kalorned > You can't redirect that and have me do your research work for you
Selnin > the lack of such is all the proof there is.
As usual, the rebel didn't bother to produce any evidence of his claims. This was only natural: Had he bothered to do any research, he would've debunked his own story.
Kalorned > The guilty until innocent position, excellent
Kalorned > High Sec would be way better of run by someone like you, I'm sure
Selnin > Dont need any more then the fact that there is no bot fleet ever hit by Code
JorBrae Regyri > Selnin so where's your proof?
Selnin > The proof is the fact there are no kills on botters. All you kill are rookie and young miners just starting.
Another accusation: The New Order only kills "rookie and young miners just starting". No doubt this group includes the newbie freighter pilots and the 10-year EVE players who claim to be new to the game.
Selnin > How can you say you are anti botter when there are no kill except on newer toons.
Kalorned > I'm not about to go pull bot kills for you, why should I have to defend against baseless accusation? Again, the burden of proof is on you as the accuser
JorBrae Regyri > Selnin how can you prove that none of his kills are bots? How would one prove that definitively?
Selnin > exactly you are hypocritical. You say anti botter but that is furthest from the truth, as you just said. You wont kill bots.
I said no such thing... but this man is clearly not interested in a reasoned and logical debate. When you begin your argument from a perspective of guilty until proven innocent I suppose there's not much that can be done debate-wise.
Selnin > Just wait til the Of many and Poeka fleets get back around here, they clean out systems in about 4 hours and usually you watch the codettes disappear as soon as they arrive.
JorBrae Regyri > I support CODE as I have seen a marked increase in available ore for me to actively mine. Without them belts are emptied by bots and AFKers.
JorBrae Regyri > Me thinks that he who argues most uses said techniques and doesn't like being caught by the "police". Don't the "crime" if you can't do the time.
Metamorpth Sevi > i do think u r using scripts with your alts
Kalorned > Metamorpth Sevi you are incorrect - but again I do enjoy listening to wild conspiracy theories
Sadly, even the Thrasher pilot got caught up in the paranoia. He accused Kalorned of using bot scripts to control his ganker alts. Kalorned could only shake his head. If the carebears couldn't be convinced by his words, he'd need to persuade them with his actions. Kalorned valiantly struck at a pair of AFK miners in system.
Luna Luck > Kalorned in Abudban*
Kalorned > hi
Krominal > Kill: Zaiks Kovrov (Venture) Kill: Zaiks Kovrov (Capsule) | Kill: Zakarius Bishop (Venture) Kill: Zakarius Bishop (Capsule) Mining AFK in New Order space is not permitted
Lady Darksied > lol
Lady Darksied > what a bunch of crap
Such was the cynicism of Abudban that the locals only sneered. Was there any hope at all for Abudban?

To be continued...

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

The Birth of Civilization, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned went boldly to Abudban, a system plagued by bot-aspirancy and unauthorized attitudes about the Code. Though Kalorned and his gank alts proved themselves honourable warriors by destroying mining vessels, rebels began to speak against Kalorned in local.
Kalorned > I only want peace and harmony in High Sec
Kalorned > If only every miner would see the benefit of an orderly, compliant high sec
Shaun Thiesant > yeah orderly and words hurt with safe spaces bullshit
Shaun Thiesant > fucking millenials
Some call our Agents "millennials", apparently in reference to the belief that the New Order's rule over highsec will last a thousand years.
Remyo > Lol I locked Kalorned and he ran like a shit
Kalorned > Remember everyone, permits can be obtained for only 10m ISK per pilot per year
Azure Momaki > So can ammo
From Kalorned's log: Local reached a point where they began threatening violence. I considered it might be that the locals only understood aggressive speak. Maybe that was the only way I could wrest control of the conversation.

Kalorned's bumping Orthrus engaged the rebel in honourable 1v1 combat. The result was a nice Hurricane Fleet Issue killmail. Apparently some rebels really believe our Agents can't kill ships that shoot back. That mistake has cost many rebels their favorite ships--and their pride.
Kalorned > That doesn't really help much, just ask Shaun Thiesant
Kalorned > Kill: Shaun Thiesant (Hurricane Fleet Issue)
Kalorned > Now permits, permits are an excellent value
Shaun Thiesant > meh, shitty fit
Azure Momaki > XD That fit is shit
Shaun claimed his defeat didn't count because his ship was badly fit. Yet he'd had all the time in the world to properly fit the ship. Indeed, he was only one jump from Rens. Kalorned could only conclude that Shaun Thiesant was bad at PvP and at ship-fitting. The one did not excuse the other.
Azure Momaki > Kalorned The ISK that you have on your head is a waste of everyone's time.
Kalorned > oh my
Kalorned > I have ISK on my head?
Azure Momaki > Yeah, go ahead and self-destruct. You'll get all of it.
Kalorned > Well there's no need for that
The locals seemed to be responding to tough talk. Threats of violence have subsided to mere suggestions that I commit self-harm. No one has spoken for a good 10 minutes now, I believe my work here is done for the day.

Kalorned enjoyed a well-earned rest. The very next day, he went right back to work in Abudban. He arrived not a moment too soon.
Kalorned > Afternoon Edek Hawker are you AFK?
Keraina Talie-Kuo > Kill: Edek Hawker (Mackinaw) Kill: Edek Hawker (Capsule) Mining AFK in New Order space is not permited
Remyo > Code gank warning Kalorned is Code
Kalorned > o/ - too late
Remyo was attempting to warn other miners of my presence, claiming I was CODE. I thought I had sufficiently explained the difference between The New Order and CODE. to him. As I alluded to earlier, though, I feel he simply may not care. In any case, he was too late, not that his warning would've mattered if he'd been on time, since all these miners seemed to be AFK.
Shejidan > well?
Shejidan > shit of get off the pot
Kalorned > whoah
Kalorned > whats with the nasty language?
Shejidan > being plain in my speaking so there is no misunderstanding
Shejidan > now, do something or unlock
I spotted another illegal mining operation. This one was escorted by a Muninn, the pilot of which, in true Abudban fashion, could only use coarse language and threats of violence to make his point--whatever it was. I had to de-escalate local, and the only way to do that was to remove the one inciting violence.
Shejidan > not looking for trouble, but...
Psimana > catas come in

Catas did indeed come in.

Three of Kalorned's ganker alts landed on the Muninn, which had apparently been anticipating an attack from Kalorned's Orthrus instead. In this case, the Orthrus merely provided a warp-in. The gank was executed perfectly.
Krominal > Kill: Shejidan (Muninn) Kill: Shejidan (Capsule) Interference with New Order operations is not permitted
Mining Mechanic > Lol.
Shejidan > nope. scum like you is beneath me
Kalorned > Except apparently your beneath us
Kalorned > losing in honorable PVP
Kalorned > a shame
Once again, rebutting with strong and aggressive language seemed to be the only way I could get a handle on local. It has gone quiet for 10 minutes since my last statement to the locals; the situation now seems to be under control. I suppose now I can get back to enforcement.
Kalorned > Afternoon Calinea Igeria are you AFK?
Calinea Igeria > no
Kalorned > great
Kalorned > you dont have a mining permit
Briggand Moore > Ooo, the big bad miner hunters are back
Miners can be so strange. If you obey the rule about not going AFK, why would you not take that extra step and get a permit?
Krominal > Kill: Calinea Igeria (Retriever) Kill: Calinea Igeria (Capsule) Mining without a permit in New Order space is not permitted
Briggand Moore > We're so impressed
Krominal > well thank you
My efforts in this system seem to be paying off. Slowly the locals are coming around to appreciate my work and the Code. I've recovered Calinea's dropped assets now and wait... this Thrasher is locking me up now...

To be continued...

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Birth of Civilization, Part 1

EVE players from all walks of life look upon the achievements of the New Order and marvel. Before the New Order, everyone considered the idea of changing highsec to be absurd, an impossibility. Now they know better. But they still yearn for a better understanding of how such change occurs.

Consider the Abudban system. It suffers from the presence of ice and its close proximity to the Rens trade hub. Abudban's cruel geography seems to guarantee that its inhabitants will fall under the influence of bot-aspirant culture and all the ills that come with it. Only an Agent of remarkable integrity and fortitude could ever hope to plant the seeds of civilization there.

Luckily, the New Order is home to such Agents. Known best for his victories in the vicinity of Gamis, Kalorned decided to take a trip to Abudban. The things he saw and experienced there will be the subject of this series. Given the historic nature of this mission, Kalorned saw fit to give the readers of MinerBumping an unprecedented look into the mind of an Agent. From time to time, we'll read his own thoughts, in italics, as he wrote them in his journal.

Inspired by recent stories on concerning Vrix Nation and their search for intelligence in highsec, I got the idea of engaging in a safari of my own. I'm not sure there was anything in particular I was searching for. I more felt that I needed to just be--amongst the miners, to interpret their thoughts and actions towards a vague and mysterious understanding on my part.

It didn't take long for Kalorned to make first contact with the miners. No thanks to them, of course; they remained silent even after he greeted them in local. Fortunately, Kalorned was traveling along with his merry band of gank alts. A halfheartedly tanked Mackinaw was the first to die.
Remyo > Fuck you Kalorned
Remyo > I was not AFK and you know it well
Kalorned > Why didn't you respond to me in local then?
Kalorned > The Code states that miners must acknowledge agents in local
Kalorned >
Remyo > Right. But now I know you are an asshatter
Remyo > Blocking you now
I was simply reciting the law to him and yet I was called an "asshatter". It's an interesting term, combining a derogatory "ass" with "hatter", a partial break-off of the descriptive term "mad-hatter" which is used to insinuate that someone is crazy. I suppose this must've been a fancy way of saying that I'm a crazy ass. Interesting.
Azure Momaki > Kalorned But you're not one of his agents. You clearly said earlier that you're not afiiliated with CODE.
Azure Momaki > Kalorned > technically im not code
Azure Momaki > So, you didn't have you respond
Kalorned > I'm not CODE, I am a New Order of High Sec agent however
I'm always impressed that CODE. has been so successful it often outgrows its position as just one branch of The New Order of Highsec. Often times the miners think that CODE. is the only entity that exists. It's tiring having to re-explain the greater structure, and I often feel it falls on deaf ears not interested in listening. I persevere, though, and remind them nonetheless; such is my responsibility.
Remyo > Besides, Kalorned knows very well I am helping in Rookie Help and talkig there, not in Local
Remyo > So that attack was more personal nature than "code roleplay"
Shaun Thiesant > sounds like it
Remyo > Code does not like me helping noob avoid their ganks
Remyo > Simple as that
For some reason, Remyo assumed that Kalorned was familiar with his work in the Rookie Help channel. If Remyo really was busy helping newbies avoid ganks, he was obviously a bad role model. Would you take gank-avoidance lessons from a guy who was ganked in a yield-fit Mackinaw?
Kalorned > Stop being sore losers friends
Kalorned > You've all lost at elite PVP tonight, it's ok
Kalorned > I'm an agent, I always win
Kalorned > No need to be mad that you lose to me
Shaun Thiesant > Oh I am not mad
Azure Momaki > Neither am I
Why do the miners always complicate things? We have a law, they broke the law, they were caught and subsequently punished. It can't be that hard to fathom, can it? The locals asserted that they weren't mad, either--a sure sign of being mad. I needed to try and calm the situation. Maybe I introduced myself wrong?
Remyo > Kalorned merely showed his true colours
Remyo > He is Code
Shaun Thiesant > In the grand scheme of things, all you did was kill a pixelated ship homie
Shaun Thiesant > go be a real boy and get outta your mommy's basement
Kalorned > And also made high sec better
Remyo concluded that Kalorned's true allegiance was to the Code. A little time spent on MinerBumping could've taught him that lesson--and for less than 238 million isk.
Shaun Thiesant > sure
Shaun Thiesant > fuck stick
Azure Momaki > Don't step too high on your kiddie stool.
Shaun Thiesant > or would you prefer shit bag?
The Abudban miners were an unruly bunch. Their mood didn't improve after having witnessed a Code enforcement Agent kill one of their brothers. The shooting was entirely justified, but they didn't see it that way. They were close to rioting.
Kalorned > I personally prefer Mr. K
Kalorned > That was a good name a miner gave me one time
Shaun Thiesant > k regurgitated cum bubble
Outy > wow
Shaun Thiesant > if he wants grief, feed him grief
Local was only getting more agitated. I tried relating to them with a name given to me by one of their own, but the tactic hadn't yet borne any fruit. Perhaps I could just make an earnest and naked plea for peace.
Kalorned > I only want peace and harmony in High Sec
Kalorned > If only every miner would see the benefit of an orderly, compliant high sec
Azure Momaki > Oh, yeah Daddy., Work the shaft.
Azure Momaki > You gotta suck a little harder for us to have peace and harmony
Shaun Thiesant > yeah orderly and words hurt with safe spaces bullshit
Shaun Thiesant > fucking millenials
Years of bot-aspirancy and a rampant neglect of highsec's law had resulted in the deterioration of the very fabric of Abudban society. Most people would look at the situation and call it hopeless. The world had given up on these miners. Would Kalorned abandon them, too?

To be continued...

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Kills of the Week

Every time you undock from a station, you need to have a plan. Everyone knows this. But it's not enough to have a plan--you need to have the right plan. The world is filled with bad plans: "I'm going to set fire to an orphanage," or "I'm going to engage in ethnic cleansing," or "I'm going to mine in highsec without a permit." There's only one good plan for when you're out there in highsec, and it's the same plan for everybody: The Code.

Now let's find out what happened to some people who deviated from that plan during the week of July 17th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 23rd @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Our Agents are hunting down ORE Strip Miners like they're the last samples of smallpox. arcticwarrior had a Hulk--can you believe it?--with three ORE Strip Miners. Naturally, the miner kept the mids empty instead of fitting even the slightest bit of tank. Agents Hulk Poddington, Mack Poddington, Lawrence Lawton, and James Poddington scratched three more ORE Strip Miners off the list.

When CCP created the Bowhead, carebears across highsec celebrated. They thought it would save them from suffering expensive freighter killmails. But PowrTripp proved once again that you can't patch stupid. He managed to lose 7.2 billion isk with his anti-tanked Bowhead. Agents Jackson Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, and Justin Kusion surprised him with a fleet of stealth bombers and let their torpedoes fly.

Carebears often ask, "How should I fit my ship? How can I guarantee that I'm in compliance with the Code?" If common sense isn't enough, here's a helpful tip, one which Henry DePour could've used: If you see purple, you've done something wrong. Agents Jake Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Joel Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joshua Kusion, and Jason Kusion destroyed a 4.8 billion isk Nightmare with an officer module in the lows. Next time, instead of spending 2.1 billion isk on Raysere's Modified Power Diagnostic System, try spending 10 million isk on James 315's Code.

Last week, Kalya Aakiwa traveled to Hek in a stabbed Buzzard. At a certain point, she became complacent and decided to go AFK. Her cloaking device became of little use. Agent Winnie Po0h had no difficultly inflicting a 1.1 billion isk loss on Kalya. Her flimsy covops was carrying 5 Skill Extractors. I guess she had no skill left after that.

1 Goblin's disastrous 17.5 billion isk freighter loss proved an important point: There's no such thing as partial compliance with the Code. You either obey it, or you don't. Goblin couldn't decide whether to go with tank, anti-tank, or speed, so he went with all three. He got nothing but regret. Agents Darnoth, Yojiro, Jack Fizzleblade, BAE B PEW, BAE B BLUE, Ayatola Whoami, Perlo Tissant, Shazna Solta, Lego Edd, Nullus Modus, Miros Homar, Jet Set Milly, Austrene Jakuard, Hermann Fizzleblade, Archibald Fizzleblade, Franz Fizzleblade, Grant Bant, Samsa, Pure Whyte, Collateralized Contracts, Gea Stormbound, Blasty McVoidFace, Urban Worrier, and Meros Fera landed on the freighter and tore it to pieces.

kernel64 provided the occasion for the Podkill of the Week. Alt Proxy was the lucky Agent this time. Incredibly, kernel64 was mining with a Retriever in Hek at the time. He's a 2008 character, so you would think he'd know better.

kernel64 was using expensive gunnery implants, but had a ship with no guns--only mining lasers. And he had a Slave set for tank, but his ship was untanked. Ah, carebears and their contradictions.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

It's Easy As ABC

Here we go again...

...but with a twist. You'll note that the sender of this message was not the Saviour of Highsec, but an Agent of the New Order.

Lawrence Lawton has pledged to enforce the Code in highsec by any means necessary. Wardecs continue to be one of the tools at our disposal--despite all the efforts of the carebears to remove wardecs from the game.

Agent Lawrence received a disturbing report about Code violations being conducted by members of ABC Mining corp. Rather than requesting the expulsion of one of the corp's members, Lawrence demanded total compliance.

CEO Captin Petra adamantly refused. She'd pay the 120 million isk fine and add a declaration of support to her corp description, but drew the line at altering any of her characters' bios.

No deal. The highsec of the future is built upon Code compliance, not Code compromise. There's no negotiating with bot-aspirancy.

Agent Lawrence made his demands as unambiguous as possible.

Captin Petra must've gone pale when she read this EVEmail. The next time both Petra and Lawrence were online, Petra requested a private convo.

Our Agents are tough, but fair--and helpful. Lawrence taught Captin Petra how to change her corp description. When CCP fails to teach the miners, the New Order steps in.

Captin Petra wasn't wild about changing all of her character bios. And she certainly wasn't excited about being told what ships she was allowed to fly. But as long as Lawrence had a good reason for it, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Amusingly, all of the references to "Gallants" led Captin Petra to ask if CODE. is only active in Gallente space.

The story had a happy ending. The CODE always wins. Always.

Agent Lawrence and the CEO of ABC Mining were able to come together and find a way that both parties could be satisfied. Which is to say, Captin Petra agreed to do everything Lawrence told her.

I noticed that the text in Captin's bio was a bit on the small side. I'd hate to see her lose some mining ships because our Agents couldn't read it, but if that happens, she can always increase the text size and apologize to the ganker.

The rebels and skeptics call us griefers. Nothing could be further from the truth. We're peacemakers and peacekeepers. A little compliance today will save a miner from a lot of grief tomorrow.