Friday, September 30, 2016

A Bot's Worst Nightmare

Highsec is crawling with nasty little bots. Only one group stands against them: The New Order of Highsec.

Of course, the bot-aspirants protect the bots, surrounding them like human shields. By being as similar to bots as possible, bot-aspirants make it more difficult for gankers to target bots. And, I suspect, they make it more difficult for CCP to locate and ban bots (should they be inclined to try).

Agent Aaaarrgg and friends began killing some AFK miners. Our Agent killed the first of the group at 19:23 EVEtime. Far from scattering, they continued munching on the rocks as if unconcerned.

Our hero jumped through various hoops and finally got to a point where he could deliver a deathblow to the Orca.

Victory came with the destruction of the Orca nearly 2 hours and 20 minutes after the Orca's corpmates began dying. Obviously, this was a group of bots. And no one was willing or able to stop them until the New Order came along.

Another day in another part of highsec. A bot named Sir Dockington was called out in local and pounced on by a motley crew of gankers.

A random passerby named Farsi Caldoran convo'ed one of the gankers. He explained that he originally intended to take some potshots at the gankers, but changed his mind when he saw that they were targeting a bot. He then decided to help kill the bot, but he was thwarted by his safety. Once again the Crimewatch system only got in the way of anti-bot activity.

However, Farsi did manage to switch off his safety and get a little damage on the bot.

Farsi belonged to none other than Dirty Dogs Movers And Shakers corp, a member of the United Systems of Aridia. If that alliance name sounds familiar, it is because they were featured as villains in the Battle for Aridia series. As you'll recall, their main feeder corp turned into crows and disbanded. Even so, they cannot deny that our Agents are EVE's best and only hope in the fight against bots.

Over One Trillion Fifty-Four Billion in Shares Sold

Our Agents are experts at transforming things. They can take any bad situation created by carebears and turn it into something good.

Cosain Bruon tried to demoralize Agent Spine Ripper by threatening to quit EVE. How dare that carebear--and this at a time when EVE is losing subscriptions?

But Dom Arkaral turned the funeral into a party. He purchased another 630 shares of the best stock in New Eden and took us past the 1 trillion 54 billion isk mark. Dom earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for this feat!

Thursday, September 29, 2016

A Mirror of Your Life, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agents KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb and Winnie Po0h ganked miner TC Luke, who said they were "like muslims burnin childs for mohamed." Even more outrageously, he claimed not to be a miner. Agent Agent GanKsta sent TC Luke an EVEmail about the Code in a courageous attempt to get the miner to change his ways.

TC Luke had replied that EVE is a mirror of its players' real-life activities. But as Agent GanKsta pointed out, TC Luke's own actions hadn't been stellar.

Adolf Hitler was very big on mining reform, from what I've been repeatedly told over the years.

TC Luke mourned CCP's loss of money. In truth, he'd probably be happy to see CCP go bankrupt if it meant he got an extra unit of Veldspar in his ore bay. What a lack of empathy and compassion on his part.

The miner then made a rapid-fire series of comparisons: The New Order was like the mafia, Hitler, Stalin, the United States of America, and Islam.

Agent GanKsta told him to calm down.

Some people accuse the United States of being anti-Muslim. However, TC Luke was convinced that the New Order was exactly like American foreign policy and Muslims.

TC Luke's EVEmails grew more and more frantic. He came up with all sorts of reasons to excuse his failure to pay our Agent 10 million isk.

Honestly, miners like TC Luke could save themselves a lot of time and energy if they'd just suck it up and obey the Code.

TC Luke's next argument would've been more persuasive were it not for the fact that we do know better than CCP.

It's frightening--this EVEmail was the culmination of all of TC Luke's 41 years of wisdom and experience.

The miner freely admitted that he'd already read the Code before. As usual, the carebear had plenty of warning prior to being ganked.

Agent GanKsta hoped that TC Luke had gotten all the nonsense and anger out of his system. Our Agent prepared to receive the 10 million isk he was due.

No such luck. This miner still had plenty of nonsense and anger still left in him.

Sometimes carebears talk about the need for earning trust, respect, honour, etc. However, our Agents--simply by becoming Agents and enforcing the Code--have already earned the respect of highsec. They've reached the highest level of gameplay in EVE. Agent GanKsta looked forward to receiving proper credit from TC Luke, once the cloud of bot-aspirancy was lifted.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

A Mirror of Your Life, Part 1

Russian Agents KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb and Winnie Po0h were on a routine patrol of highsec when suddenly...

A miner named TC Luke began barking at them.

Upon seeing Agents of the New Order, the miner had enough sense to run away and dock up. Nevertheless, our heroes had a feeling ol' TC Luke might be trouble.

Like so many other miners, TC Luke adamantly denied the charge of being a miner. He sounded sincere enough, casually dropping his denial between various insults. There was one problem, though:

Our Agents had access to a thing called a killboard. TC Luke had been killed while mining.

Did I say "one problem"? I meant two problems. The gank had been performed by none other than KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb and Winnie Po0h, the very same Agents in front of whom TC Luke now declared his non-miner status. Oops!

TC Luke was caught red-handed, but he claimed that he was only a part-time miner; he spends the rest of his days in a Romulan Warbird. In another video game, I guess. He only mines while in EVE, so he's not really a miner, you see.

Though he was confined to a station during our Agents' visit, TC Luke insisted that he was able to do whatever he wanted. By contrast, our Agents--who were actually able to move about the system at will--were "real life loosers".

For the next hour and a half, TC Luke could do nothing but sit in a station and watch helplessly as our Agents quietly went about their business, going blinky red in local every fifteen minutes. Finally, TC Luke gave up and logged off.

Later, Agent Agent GanKsta sent him an EVEmail cautioning him not to repeat his disgraceful performance in the future. TC Luke didn't hesitate to send a reply--in which the bigot expressed zero respect for the New Order's Halaiman roots.

TC Luke announced his philosophy of EVE. Rather than being a role-playing game in which players can explore a wide variety of different roles unavailable in real life, players' in-game actions are "mostly a mirror" of what they do in their real life. For some reason, TC Luke felt that his impotent rants in local and unlicensed mining activities were a stupendous reflection on his actual self.

...To say nothing of his EVEmails. If this was how TC Luke behaved in real life, did our Agents have any hope of molding him into a Gallant?

To be continued...

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

The Baby

When it comes to PvP in EVE Online, Uedama is the big leagues.

Agent Chapo Muerte got an opportunity to show off her skills when an intruder armed with illegal mining equipment broke into Uedama. Chapo's victory over the miner's Velator was swift, graceful, and impressive. Her triumph was made all the greater by her successful follow-up performance against the miner's pod.

Dai Denizen Prime immediately retaliated. "Immediately" upon his return to his keyboard, I mean.

The miner seemed to believe the shooting was unjustified. Chapo nipped that idea right in the bud.

It was then that Dai made a startling accusation. Perhaps Dai meant that he was a newbie, but that wouldn't make sense, given that he'd been playing EVE for over six months. There was another possibility...

Miners often use their babies and small children as an excuse for going AFK at the very moment they were ganked. That's not the worst of it, though.

Some miners force their small children to mine and then complain to us when they get ganked. Is it possible that Dai was actually some miner's baby?

Dai was unimpressed by Chapo's credentials. He didn't think much of the law of highsec, either.

The miner was clearly in the wrong, but he wouldn't accept the blame. There was nothing out of the ordinary about that. If Dai was some miner's child, he'd been raised in their image.

Dai again invoked his status as a juvenile. The Code doesn't make any exceptions for minors, though.

Dai's parent or parents belonged to the DARKNESS. alliance, apparently. So what? Their killboard stats are not nearly as impressive as the mighty CODE. alliance's.

Chapo's persistence was rewarded with a full confession of Dai's criminal act.

If everyone has their own code of ethics, it's not really a code--or ethics. It's just everyone doing whatever. That's why total conformity to the one true Code is required. Even a child like Dai should be able to understand that.

The ungrateful miner admitted that he'd been taught a lesson, though he didn't appreciate it because he wasn't given advance notice. I suppose he wanted to put the surprise inspection on his calendar. What a farce!

As Dai would have to concede, unexpected ganks are the most memorable ones. Dai wouldn't forget Chapo or the lesson she taught him. Chapo doesn't kill babies; she helps them learn and grow. It takes an Order to raise a child.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Highsec the Bountiful

It's hard to believe these days, but once upon a time the carebears widely believed that the Crimewatch bounty system--implemented in late 2012--would somehow destroy the New Order. They were wrong. In fact, most people consider the current bounty system to be pretty worthless. But it does have its uses.

New Order scientists discovered that carebears have an adverse reaction to having bounties placed upon them. They are particularly sensitive to bounties of 315,315 isk, or any other amount that ends in 315. The carebears of highsec know that it is the number of my name.

Agent Galaxy Mule successfully infiltrated the Anti-Ganking channel using an alt. (The name of that alt will be kept classified for the time being.) The spy gathered the names of Anti-Gankers in the channel and Galaxy Mule began placing the mark of 315 on them.

Galaxy Mule set a bounty of 315,315 isk on Size. He complained about it to his fellow rebels. In a rare display of generosity, Anti-Ganker pajedas offered to spend up to 184,685 isk to change his bounty!

The spy witnessed pajedas interfering with the bounty. Now pajedas was marked himself.

Anti-Ganker chieftain Dracvlad sympathized. A grizzled highsec veteran, he'd witnessed many Anti-Ganker defeats and had grown bitter. I often say that the Anti-Gankers see the world in reverse. Dracvlad was no exception; he felt CCP has done too much to buff ganking over the years.

pajedas agreed. CCP keeps making highsec more and more dangerous.

pajedas tried to cleanse himself of the mark of 315, but Galaxy Mule restored it. In another example of the twisted prism through which Anti-Gankers view the world, Shalishaska Laoch complained that CCP is biased when it comes to policing players' language--biased in favor of gankers!

Dracvlad coughed up a small amount of isk to modify pajedas' bounty again. But the problem of Galaxy Mule's spy alt remained. As long as he was present in the Anti-Ganking channel, the bountying would continue.

Moderator Jennifer en Marland hunted down the spy and banned him from the channel. Jennifer assured everyone that the channel was safe again, all thanks to her superb detective work. Finally, a victory for the Anti-Gankers! But something wasn't quite right. Anti-Gankers are incapable of victory; they only know how to fail. Besides, if Galaxy Mule's spy alt was kicked out, then who took that screenshot?

As it happened, Jennifer didn't find the spy. Instead, she banned one of her fellow Anti-Gankers from the channel by mistake. The toxic, paranoid atmosphere of the Anti-Ganking channel asserted itself once more.

As for pajedas, he continued to struggle with his bounty. Let the carebears of highsec beware: The mark of 315 may come upon you at any time!