Thursday, August 31, 2017

Overconfidence and Underconfidence

The carebears of highsec have a lot of problems. Two of the biggest: Overconfidence, and a lack of confidence. Confused? Read on.

By now, we're all familiar with the loudmouth, braggart miner who claims to have powerful friends in nullsec, or possibly an elite PvP main character.

One such miner demanded Agent Bing Bangboom fight him in Deklein. Curiously, the miner wasn't ganked himself; Skvatman merely witnessed a nearby miner being ganked and got triggered.

When miners start behaving like they're entitled, our Agents remain courteous, professional--and assert their authority. The New Order is always in charge.

Nevertheless, people who have done nothing in EVE other than AFK mine in highsec will still try to puff up their egos with big talk.

So many highsec miners are in desperate need of humility. They need it far more than they need ore, ice, or isk.

As we've seen, overconfidence--the same character flaw that contributes to miners slinking around highsec without a permit--is a big problem.

...But so is underconfidence. So many miners absorb one gank and become completely helpless.

Although ganking has been scientifically proven to increase retention rates overall, some miners feel utterly defeated by the loss of a single ship.

The underconfident miner no longer believes in his own ability to succeed in EVE. These miners are incredibly lucky that our Agents usually stick around to help them after a gank.

Nevertheless, newly Retriever-less miners can feel so worthless that they don't even have the strength of mind to read the Code. Think about that. The sluggards can't even read!

"If I can't AFK mine in total safety, I may as well crawl into a hole and hibernate." Sometimes I wonder if these miners have anyone in their life who cares about them--aside from our Agents.

New Order Agents are advised to exercise extreme caution when dealing with depressed miners: They may be putting on an act to extract sympathy isk. Stay on your guard!

(Protip: All human civilizations in world history involve people "making claims on shit and using lethal force to enforce it.")

The underconfident miners are lucky, because when they seek help, they always get it. They get it in the form of the Code. (Now available in six languages!)

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 14

Previously, on MinerBumping... Mission Ready Mining was thrown into chaos as the weeks-long siege of the Gelhan system continued. Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet and her ganker friends maintained control of the system--causing some of the local miners to lose their nerve under the pressure.

MRM sent in a group of combat pilots to camp the station that the New Order gankers were using as a base. They hoped to force a battle. In the meantime, the ill-tempered Yanamota Acami let off some steam by spending 10 million isk on bounties instead of permits.

The MRM forces proved incapable of blockading the station; gankers continued to operate at will. The few miners who were still willing to try gathering ore in Gelhan got popped.

There was only one way out of this dire situation: Total obedience to the Code. Agent AGBee 911 tried to teach the miners, but they were too shell-shocked to listen.

Hour after hour, day after day, Yanamota raged in local. This was the only thing she could do to justify paying her subscription to EVE.

Out of nowhere, Yanamota dropped a bombshell: The Saviour of Highsec had been banned from EVE.

Plenty of rebels have claimed that I was permabanned from EVE, but Yanamota went so far as to claim that she knew the GM who implemented the ban.

Our heroes simply ignored the nonsense spewing out of Yanamota's mouth. There were more important things to focus on, such as collecting permit fees from Mission Ready Mining.

MRM fleet commander Megan Shadowkiss arrived in Gelhan. She was prepared to do battle. At last, a fight worthy of our Agents' talents!

Nevertheless, Megan felt the need to engage in a debate prior to deploying her forces. Before the battle commenced, she wanted to establish that MRM had the moral high ground in this conflict.

Megan styled herself a gentlewoman, an intellectual, someone more sophisticated than the rest of the MRM rabble.

However, Megan had never contended with someone like TheInternet before. When she tried to argue with our Agent, she got tied up in knots.

It quickly became apparent that Megan would not be able to talk her opponents into lifting the siege of Gelhan. If the rebels wanted to mine without buying permits, they would need to fight their way through.

To be continued...

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Yes, It's True

I wasn't going to address this until the regular stockholder update later this week, but there's been so much buzz I feel I must speak about it now.

Many of you have noticed the unusual donation on the side panel of MinerBumping. Is it some kind of stunt? Is it a typo?

The rebels have been very nervous lately. Like all carebears, Anti-Gankers focus on money almost to the exclusion of everything else in EVE. They see the amount of isk in our Treasury as a barometer of the health of the New Order--as if the money's meant to be hoarded instead of spent for the Code. On occasion, rebels will send unsolicited messages to people who donate a large amount of isk to the New Order, as Rusell did earlier this year when Hrothgar Nilsson purchased 32 billion isk worth of shares. It really bothers them.

So you see, I need to talk about this. Leaving the rebels in suspense any longer could be considered a form of torture.

Long story short, it's true. Agent Ben Li aka Zula Terra aka Beliar Gray really did purchase 315 billion isk worth of New Order shares.

Ben Li had a large number of alts with quite a few skillpoints, and much of the isk came from selling those characters. Look at all those zeroes, each one a dagger in the heart of the carebears.

There's more to the story: The isk was officially purchased in the name of I'm quitting Eve PV Rock I want to talk with you, a corporation created as a beacon to send a message to a long-lost former EVE player, PV Rock. A 315 billion isk beacon. Now that's friendship!

As you may recall, when PV Rock quit EVE, he, too, purchased a large number of shares--142 billion isk worth.

Needless to say, I'm quitting Eve PV Rock I want to talk with you's purchase is historic. Later, we'll run the numbers on all the hat-tipping that will need to be done as a result of this. In the meantime, I merely wanted to put all of the New Order's enemies at ease. You have nothing to fear. If you obey the Code, of course.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Too Good But Still True

As the scope and influence of the New Order continues to grow, an increasing number of EVE players have become Agents, sworn to uphold the Code. They operate both inside and outside of the mighty CODE. alliance.

The bot-aspirants of highsec have long recognized the deadly threat posed to them by members of CODE. Sometimes they forget to consider the countless non-CODE. Agents, whose weapons of war are no less lethal.

Agent Larsulrik Napsterbane earned his elite PvP stripes by killing mining vessels such as weaponman110's untanked Retriever. A standard termination notice was delivered to the misguided miner.

The miner's response was decidedly nonstandard. And he completely failed to pay his 10 million isk permit fee.

When weaponman110 was instructed to cease his resistance to the Code, the silly miner continued to dig his own grave.

Yet Larsulrik saw the good in weaponman110. All he needed was an understanding Agent willing to help him unlock his potential. In Larsulrik Napsterbane, he found exactly that.

Unfortunately, weaponman110 had difficulty believing his great luck.

The miner lacked faith in the system. Apparently someone told him that mining permits aren't a good deal--even though he'd already seen what happens to unlicensed Retrievers!

By this point, weaponman110 felt he'd alienated Agent Larsulrik to such a degree that there was no turning back. He suffered a nervous breakdown, most likely thinking about his lost opportunity to become compliant.

No longer capable of drafting a complete tearmail, weaponman110 resorted to sending Larsulrik random links.

The miner remains in a state of darkness. Never fear, dear reader: Our Agents are always ready to rescue a miner, whenever an opportunity presents itself.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Kills of the Week

It's exciting--this week saw another round of extraordinary victories for the New Order. Judging by the destruction of so many bot-aspirants, it should be clear to even the bitterest rebel that the Code is the only way to go. From the week of August 20th @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 26th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Undoubtedly nervous about the dangers of being in highsec without a permit, Fistful Of'Goat tanked up his Orca within an inch of its life. He must've been confident that only a massive fleet of Agents could take him down. However...

All it took was one. Agent The BigLabowski happened to be a new member of Fistful's own corporation. What luck!

As we saw in yesterday's MinerBumping post, a respectful "gf" in local is the first step toward recovery.

John Supplier huddled up with his blingy Hulk in a 0.9 security system, quietly chewing on the rocks. He didn't get away with his crimes for long; Agents Comedian II and samloopy were on the case.

Rascals Brigade corporation was investigating a rumored bot fleet operating out of 0.9 that contained multiple blingy Hulks. Our heroes grabbed a bunch of Tornadoes and blapped the bots one after another.

In all, over 5 billion isk worth of botting equipment was destroyed. The Agents' suspicions about illegal botting were confirmed by the behavior of the surviving Orca. The New Order remains EVE's best protection against bots.

From bots to bling: An even more expensive Hulk was piloted by Avatarian Artificer. He was caught in the act by Agents Crom Cimmeria and Subotai Hyrkanian. Amusingly, Avatarian tried to tank his Hulk with a blingy ORE bulkhead module. Talk about missing the point! The criminal also had a quarter billion isk worth of blingy mining drones. What a Goofus.

fvt Maier found a different use for his ORE modules: Pointlessly lowering his ship's hitpoints. After equipping (de-equipping?) his freighter, the carebear headed straight for Uedama and death. Agents Sherri Rozei, Trump The King, Ruby Rozei, Tawny Rozei, Christine Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Shanade Rozei, Lagatha Rozei, Baron Rozei, Ivanka Rozei, and Katy Rozei of the mighty CODE. alliance were waiting for him.

That explains the blingy cargo expanders: He needed plenty of extra space for his cargo, which consisted of a single shuttle.

A guy like Seth Karrde would laugh at someone anti-tanking their freighter to carry a shuttle. He had his own faults, though. He anti-tanked his Obelisk and filled it with everything he owned in the game. The stuffed freighter became a 33 billion isk monster. But it was no match for the massive gank fleet that came to meet him. Agents dAbOsSlAdY77, SynthiaGreey, Jet Set Milly, Tantaria Stavanghar, Tarwinz, Gea Stormbound, Collateralized Contracts, Skiff Poddington, Hulk Poddington, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, Perlo Tissant, Mack Poddington, Wylde Ranger, Darnoth, Spartan Girl, ClearLove, Ivana Freemam, James Poddington, InferiDiii, Mr Ichinumi, Esibel, Douglas Alavanille, Sadepilveni, Ruby Dubes, Padme Love, Open Your Heart, Lucifer Jaynara, Bluekiss, Lunar Love, grr gons hatgons, Selina Love, Tarwin JR, Urban Worrier, and Lawrence Lawton braved the rapid CONCORD response times of the 0.9 security system to get the job done.

FaceEater101, too, would've been amused by the idea of a freighter carrying a shuttle. To move a shuttle, why not simply pilot the shuttle itself? Not so fast. Our Agents are constantly on patrol for autopiloting shuttles. Agent Lisa Tancos detected the bot-aspirant and moved in for the kill.

Upon removing the shuttle, our Agent sunk her teeth into a juicy pod with 1.7 billion isk worth of implants. Intriguingly, the carebear's implants were focused on improving his gunnery skills. A future mutterer of the "ships that can't shoot back" meme, no doubt.