Wednesday, March 21, 2018

The Return of Bob, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bob the Fourth arrived in the Solitude region like a thunderclap. As non-compliant carebears died one after another, the miners were at first shocked, then angry. Finally, they'd had quite enough of Bob. When Chance Mayfield's mining Mammoth was ganked, a rebel named Furbie quietly vowed to avenge him.
Furbie > wat ship is bob in?
Furbie > link killmail so we see wat ship hes in
Chance Mayfield > It was a Coercer.
Bob the Fourth > This is a good start, But you really will need to buy a permit and follow The Code if you want to continue to mine here.
Agent Bob was pleased to see a higher level of engagement from the miners--most of whom preferred to spend their EVE sessions AFK.
Chance Mayfield > Lol. I do not mine much. I like to kill for bounty's.
Chance Mayfield > Your next.
Furbie > if i find you i'll pay my permit with lead
Bob the Fourth > Furbie , you'll need a permit too by the way. You can forward me your payment now if you like.
The sound of treason echoed across the system as the miners openly declared their intention to retaliate against Bob. Our Agent stayed cool. Preternaturally cool, some might say.
Piccio Tekitsu > bob out in helios
Furbie > if i find him, i'll try pop him
Chance Mayfield > Okay. send his location to
Bob the Fourth > Kill: Chance Mayfield (Mammoth) come on now Chance, you were asking for it with that fit.
Chance Mayfield > It is a 0.6 sec. leave a ship alone.
The rebels didn't want to live in a highsec where PvP could happen at any time. They wanted total safety, and the only way they could get it was to kill Bob. The hunt was on.
Bob the Fourth > it belongs to James 315 so permits are mandatory.
Furbie > James 315 used to lick my boots clean say hi for me
Bob the Fourth > Hmm, I think someone needs to go off and reread The Code. I'm sure that would help with your rebelious nature.
Chance Mayfield > I think someone needs to leave other people alone or leave the system.
Bob deployed a tactical name-drop. The name of the Saviour of Highsec did its work: Furbie was confirmed to be a mad rebel.
tezbagoss > code - you loser.
Bob the Fourth > please miner, calm down
Chance Mayfield > That is nice. But as I have already said. I AM NOT A MINER.
Bob the Fourth > Well, you say that but the mining lasers on your ship seem to tell a different story
Chance Mayfield > A miner is a person who does it for a living, or does it often. Not someone who has done it two times in a month.
Chance complained about being labeled a miner because he only mined twice a month. I've heard miners use this excuse before. No matter how rarely they mine, they always manage to get caught mining. Must be bad luck.
Bob the Fourth > I think we can all agree that given your constant admissions of guilt, it's time you paid for your permit Chance Mayfield. Please send me the 10 Million ISK you owe me.
Chance Mayfield > lol. You are full of it.
Furbie > Bob the Fourth if you still here theres a few alliance mbers here we will pop you unless yoy pay us tax
Watching Bob gank Chance and then rhetorically gank Chance again during their debate made Furbie's blood boil. He was ready to strike.

...Or not. Furbie's ganking Golem failed to take any action. Bob was free to enforce the Code at will.

The next ship to taste Bob's justice was a fail-fit Mackinaw piloted by the aptly named Katie Lose.

Bob's triumph immediately attracted the attention of a doe-eyed newbie, Kikay Hakaari. But was she really new, or was this just a routine?

Kikay sensed the tension in local between Bob and the Mackinaw pilot he'd ganked. Should she listen to the miner, or should she heed the advice of the Agent?

Kikay discretely opened a dialogue with the Agent.

Easiest three permits Bob ever sold. Clearly, this miner had not yet been poisoned by the resistance and their lies.

Bob proclaimed yet another triumph in local. It was good to be back.

To be continued...

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

The Worst Miner on the Block

Back in the days of watchlists, I frequently received convo requests whenever I logged in. Obviously they're a much rarer sight now.

...So I was surprised to see a chat invite from someone named Baddaxe; the pop-up appeared mere seconds after I logged in.

(A common reaction from players who receive a personal audience with one of the most famous EVE players of all time.)

Baddaxe took the opportunity to tell me a tale of woe. A little over two years ago, he'd been the subject of a two-part MinerBumping post, Bad Acts, Part 1 and Bad Acts, Part 2. Here's a sample:

As you may recall, Baddaxe made an unfavorable impression.

It's okay, Guard, we've got things under control here.

According to Baddaxe, he eventually left highsec to reinvent himself as a lowsec PvP'er--though his bio suggests that he didn't leave his hatred of the Code behind. He'd all but forgotten about the MinerBumping posts. But then, for whatever reason, Baddaxe received an EVEmail from a kind soul who asked him about it. Baddaxe didn't appreciate the reminder:

Baddaxe's reply confirms the sentiment expressed by his bio: You can take the carebear out of highsec, but you can't take the highsec out of the carebear. (Baddaxe's concerns about the EULA are somewhat amusing, given his self-professed penchant for murdering, raping, and eating EVE players' family members.)

The miner urged me to believe that he was a changed man. It's true that some people are capable of change--usually with my assistance. As for people claiming to have changed, I have a "show, don't tell" policy on that sort of thing.
James 315 > Baddaxe why not? Are you an unpleasant person IRL?
Baddaxe > not realy but I am the baddest kid on the block
James 315 > Meaning?
Baddaxe > this is a game and sometimes your people take it too far. I'm just saying there are dangers in the real world that shouldn't be in the game
I was not yet convinced that lowsec had been good for this carebear.
Baddaxe > youve seen swating right?
Baddaxe > wackos that take it too far getting real people hurt in real life
James 315 > Are you accusing "my people" of swatting?
Baddaxe > no I'm saying sometimes they take it too far and it might lead to that someday
Though Baddaxe himself forswore any RL criminal activity, he hinted that someone else might retaliate against Agents in such a manner.
Baddaxe > this isn't a threat it's just a question. don't you think when your proplr mak some feel bad enough they can trigger somethin like that?
Baddaxe > your Peter Dimaloun just tried to open an old wound after over 2 years, just didn't seem to be a good pratice whey I have done nothing to deserve his or your atteneton
Baddaxe > it was going about my daily eve life staying out of your way and not messing with you, why would you want to mess with me?
If a highsec carebear did make EULA-violating threats, Baddaxe's experience suggested that they were unlikely to be smitten by the banhammer--or axe, as the case may be.

After considering Baddaxe's plea, I determined that my hearing him out was all the help I could give him. Also, I was busy doing other stuff, and it was time to clear the clutter of unnecessary chat windows.

When all was said and done, Baddaxe was still bad. Whether you live in lowsec, nullsec, or anywhere else, positive change requires the Code.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 41

Previously, on MinerBumping... The Gelhan system used to be a stronghold of the Mission Ready Mining corp. Now it was in flames, beset by the New Order and The Marmite Collective. Without warning, an x-factor introduced itself into the already complicated Gelhan situation: HoleySheet1, a conspiracy theorist determined to tangle with Gai Heiyuu, MRM's CEO.

Our Agents entered Gelhan when the argument between Gai and HoleySheet1 was already in progress. Apparently Gai copy-pasted something he'd said earlier, for emphasis.

HoleySheet1 had no love for Marmite leader Tora Bushido, but he could see that MRM was being routed by Tora's forces. Gai tried to morale-post in local as best he could.

Agent Georgia B Dixie wasn't interested in all the politics. She sought refuge in the simple truths of the Code. And today the truth was that Georgia didn't feel like allowing a freighter to move through the system. So she continually bumped it.

Though the freighter pilot was a neutral (unless she was an MRM alt), Georgia's bumping attracted a lot of attention from the usual suspects. A squad of destroyers began following her around. They targeted Georgia, but as usual, they didn't dare open fire.

In Georgia's eyes, the freighter pilot's plight was a teachable moment. Luckily, our Agent is an excellent teacher.

Another day in Gelhan: Everything revolved around our Agent and what she chose to say and do. She dictated the action entirely. This is what it means to be a member of the New Order.

The members of MRM would much rather have spent their days mining AFK and such. Instead, they were forced to react to Georgia and the Code.

We've seen carebears claim to have powerful friends in nullsec. Others hint at secret connections in CCP. But the most ambitious miners of all are those who suggest that they know the Saviour of Highsec himself.

Without realizing it, the anti-Code rebels themselves effectively admit that I wield the most extraordinary influence over EVE. On this point, at least, they're not wrong. The history of EVE is neatly divided into the Code and pre-Code eras.

On any given day, countless carebears beg CCP to nerf ganking and wardecs. If you want a miner to say something nice about ganking or wardecs, bump them.

In a few lines, Agent Georgia elegantly stated one of the most powerful truths in EVE: Agents enjoy the game; carebears do not. Is it any wonder that we're winning and they're losing?

At last, the rebels backed themselves into a rhetorical corner from which there was no escape: The only way to deal with a bumper is to run far, far away. Was MRM ready to cede Gelhan to the New Order?

To be continued...

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Kills of the Week


The word "integrity" actually means something in highsec these days, thank goodness. The Agents of the New Order of Highsec keep their promises. The bots and bot-aspirants, on the other hand, do not. Case in point: Despite voting in favor of the Code (by proxy), the bots and bot-aspirants violate the Code. Aren't you glad highsec is a place where integrity is rewarded--and mendacity is punished? Yeah, so am I. Now, from the week of March 11th @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 17th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Evgenji Besogonov was flying his favorite ship through a 1.0 security system. Then the unfortunate newbie lost 7.2 billion isk when the ship was PvP'ed by a trio of Tornadoes piloted by Agents Bharak Chhl, Trimont Vades, and WaNKeR GaNKeR. Will CCP and EVE Online be able to withstand a gank like this? The theme park crowd doubts it, but we'll see.

TankSSJR Gavin didn't exactly conduct himself according to the ethos of his alliance, Suck Less Improve Your Skill Become Unbad. Instead, he chose to bring a half billion isk Covetor into Niarja. The ship was laid to rest by Agents Snoobee Power, Dooxxy Hysbori, Lingmei White, Dominic Virmire, BJBee 7474 White, Hyrum Shakiel, BJBee 4891, and BJBee350.

Miners like TankSSJR make me wish EVE had a "Game Over" screen.

It was a bad week for AFK Deep Space Transports. Kosmokula lost 4.7 billion isk when her Occator was caught in Uedama by Agents Trump The King, Ruby Rozei, Tawny Rozei, Christine Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Sherri Rozei, Shanade Rozei, Baron Rozei, Lagatha Rozei, Katy Rozei, Ivanka Rozei, and Harletta Quinn. Another carebear lost a 4.7 billion isk Impel. I wonder if either hauler pilot would find the coincidence as amusing as our Agents did.

Credible intel suggests that Caboose Nolen was an NCdot alt assigned to transport Titan fittings through highsec. It looks like he started slacking off when he entered New Order territory. Carebears, highsec is not a place where you can let it all hang out; you're only allowed to let hang out what the Code permits. Agents Pure Whyte, Another ShadeOf Whyte, Ashley Whyte, Gea Stormbound, Bluekiss, Captain Cortar, Padme Love, SynthiaGreey, ClearLove, Selina Love, Basic Black Bitch, Rosanna Love, Yojiro, Lunar Love, Lich Terminus, Sadepilveni, and Astor Ignan let Caboose off with a warning, which consisted of destroying all of his stuff.

Jack Jills was another sad newbro who got ganked in a 1.0 security system. The jump freighter pilot neglected to teleport himself to safety, choosing instead to sacrifice 28.4 billion isk worth of contraband. Jack's crown was broken by Agents Australian Excellence, Tax Collector HongMei, Taxman Daniel, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jackson Kusion, James BIG BONED, Shy Elf Trap, Joel Kusion, erobb, patyooki, Serious Web Developer, PogChampion, oink piggu, tumblr ptsd, Daniel Chanline, Johnathan Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jason Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Kittens, Joshua Kusion, brainlet, and Kill The Innocents.

A bot-aspirant and a smuggler. Tsk.

Dax Esil took a hauler into Uedama and you can guess what happened next. The careless carebear was taken into custody and had her implants removed by Agent Baron Rozei.

Rogue implants for a rogue. She wasn't very Noble or Ascendant, though.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #153

It all began with bumping miners out of an ice field in Halaima. Agent Alexis Thermopylae made a pilgrimage to that sacred system and performed an impromptu historical reenactment.

Halaima miner tears still taste just as sweet all these years later. Welcome to the one hundred fifty-third edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Silly miner. Without rules, there is no such thing as freedom.

Unfortunately for Sharp224, even a single violation of the Code is enough to warrant a gank.

Ugetafix Wink thinks people shoot spaceships in EVE because they're too cowardly to murder people in real life. Not true. People gank because it's "relaxing".

HeavenlyHell sent an angry message to Agent Katy Melons. Was there any chance he could be reasoned with?

One can only speculate what obstacles prevent this miner from understanding the Code.

Miners, don't waste your breath. Our Agents have heard thousands of excuses over the years, and none of them are more persuasive than a penitent attitude and 10 million isk.

When bumped out of mining range, miners like to say "I was full anyway." The gank recipient's equivalent: "My ship did enough mining already, so it was ready to die."

Everybody complains about Russian bots. Only the Agents of the New Order actually do something about them.

Simple Kind Man initiated a convo with the Agent who had ganked him. His apparent interest in buying a permit was just a pretext. The miner had an ulterior motive for the conversation:

If Simple Kind Man would only apply himself, he could succeed at EVE.

Agent Jason Kusion had one of the most brilliant ganking careers in EVE history. It seemed nothing could stop him. That all changed the day he met dawook.

After countless kills, the Kusion family finally ganked the wrong carebear. Or did they?

No, dawook was definitely the right carebear to gank.