Sunday, May 31, 2015

Kills of the Week

Carebears are a bunch of sneaks sometimes, did you know that? I'm continually amazed by the sorts of things they try to get away with. It's as if they're unaware that some of the most talented players in EVE are busy patrolling highsec. One way or another, these carebears learn that the New Order has eyes and ears everywhere. Our Agents are monitoring highsec very closely. As if more proof were needed, consider these "gets" from the week of May 24th @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 30th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

It's clear that Lajos38 wanted to anti-tank his Orca and fill it with as much cargo as possible. At some point, he decided he'd better beef up his capacitor, too. Actually, it wasn't necessary to do either of these things. You see, Lajos38's Orca was already marked for death. Agents Aaaarrgg, Turbolaserwolf BurningStar, Mildron Klinker, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Noll Kion, Blue Suntun, Jeni Savage, Erika Anzomi, Mark Eting, Jason Kusion, Molly Klinker, Lament von Gankenheim, Jaxi Wreckful, Super Perforator, loyalanon, Lisa Tears, and Get Well Soon knew what the Orca was truly meant for: Providing highsec with a big explosion.

It should come as no surprise that a corp with as bot-aspirant a name as "938947 Corporation" would store illegal mining equipment in its Ship Maintenance Array. As the structure was available to be attacked at any time, they were really taking AFK to the next level. Hyperdunking time! Agents Mildron Klinker and Molly Klinker repeatedly bombarded the SMA with their Catalysts until it fell.

Thunor's Claw zipped through a 0.9 security system fairly quickly. Still, you can only go so fast when you're AFK autopiloting. Agent Tisiphone Dira popped the interceptor with no trouble.

A note to all would-be PLEX haulers out there: You can run, but you can't hide. Actually, you can't even run. Don't haul PLEX.

Ouch. What was Yong chu thinking? After Agent Zasar ganked his 1.1 billion isk Bestower, Yong was probably thinking a lot about the New Order, its Agents, and our Code.

The Bestower contained a Loki and a bunch of expensive fittings for the ship. The Loki might have been a more formidable vessel in another player's hands. But if you give a ship to a carebear, they'll always figure out some way to make it defenseless. Shooting ships that can't shoot back, indeed.

There are no snobs in the New Order. We investigate all Code violations, both big and small. BatharHammer might have considered himself under the radar when he flew around with a 32 million isk Retriever. Yet his ship was so poorly fitted that it drew the attention of EVE's #1 ranked PvP'er, Agent loyalanon. And yes, that's a Salvager in the highslot.

In the post-Genolution giveaway era, you'd think the carebears would tone down their decadent pods, especially since so many of our Agents specialize in smashing them. HavokTBP managed to cobble together a 2.9 billion isk pod. As always, the carebear threw caution to the wind and went autopiloting in a shuttle. He was intercepted by Agent Aaaarrgg, who knew from his study of the Code how to deal with autopiloters.

Crystal implants were made to be shattered--just like a carebear's illusions. The New Order is the author of highsec's reality.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Alliance Executor to the Rescue, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... A high-level diplomatic crisis! Agent Mildron Klinker performed a series of three masterful ganks against Alwar Alliance miners over the course of three days. The alliance executor, Javen Kai, had no choice but to intervene personally.

Now the fate of the Uphene system came down to a battle of wits between the "Brutor Bulldog" and a Very Special Agent of the New Order.
Javen Kai > dont you have anything better to do with your time?
Javen Kai > other than being a greifing faggot?
Mildron Klinker > i actually love what i do
Javen Kai > do you
Mildron Klinker > Praise James 315
Javen Kai > pretty sad
Diplomatic engagement usually develops slowly, over time. Mildron's devastating ganks against Alwar Alliance didn't allow for that. The two men didn't waste any time. The battle lines were drawn sharply.
Mildron Klinker > afk mining is pretty sad indeed
Javen Kai > he wasnt afk
Mildron Klinker > well, why didn't he dock up then
Javen Kai > why should he have to?
Javen Kai > oh mildron kinker is here.. oh no
Alwar Alliance's executor was still in denial. Despite being forced to contact the ganker for a negotiation, he didn't want to admit that Mildron held power over his miners. Javen didn't think they should have to dock up when a ganker came into the system. What an inconvenience that would be! But no matter how carebears feel about gankers, they can still be killed by them. The New Order forces them to confront this reality.
Mildron Klinker > because then this wouldn't have happened: Kill: galendor Darine (Covetor)
Javen Kai > you really dont want to piss me off
Mildron Klinker > get a permit and they will be fine
Javen Kai > no
Javen Kai > Uphene is mine
Mildron Klinker > so, what happends if i would piss you off then? Bringing some Null Sec friends?
Mildron Klinker > Please say yes, i need to fill up my Bingo Card
Javen's plan to neutralize Mildron was thwarted when the Agent declined his request to stop ganking. Now the Brutor Bulldog would need to get tough.
Javen Kai > i will spend every minute while im online looking for your character
Javen Kai > and i will repeatedly find you and kill you
Javen Kai > just like you do my miners
Javen Kai > you wont be able to undock
Javen Kai > without me there
Javen Kai had a very particular set of skills, skills he'd acquired over his four-year career in EVE. Skills that made him a nightmare for gankers like Mildron. Thus far, however, he'd only used his skills to grind isk and create a highsec mining corp.
Mildron Klinker > oh, no worries, im most of the time here: Leremblompes IV - Moon 11 - Center for Advanced Studies School
Javen Kai > ya i know where you live
Javen Kai > you dont think ive been watching you?
Mildron Klinker > hope to see you around then :D
Javen Kai > so be it
Javen was certain that his threats would work. What he failed to realize is that Mildron is an Agent of the New Order. Our Agents do not fear PvP; they seek it out. Discouraged, Javen tried to convince Mildron that the Code had no merit.
Mildron Klinker > well, since you also elected James 315 as the saviour of all Highsec, i do believe you are a bit wrong about that..
Javen Kai > ive never heard of this guy
Javen Kai > and i fail to see why he is relevant
Javen Kai > he ganks newbie miners
Javen Kai > and kills afk freightors
Javen Kai > big deal
The industrial alliance executor insisted that he was completely unfamiliar with me and what I do. He probably wasn't being entirely honest.
Javen Kai > you guys are like annoying rats
Mildron Klinker > just to make Highsec a better place
Javen Kai > i dont think anyone in CODE. or James 315 have the intelligence capable of knowing what is actually best for highsec
Javen Kai > only thing you guys do is make the price on catalysts pretty high
Mildron Klinker > actually we do, removing bots and bot aspirants is what we do, best thing ever happened to Highsec
The Bulldog's bullying got him nowhere with the fearless Agent. Left with no alternative, Javen tried to persuade Mildron that his actions weren't saving highsec.
Javen Kai > tell me how your helping bots out of the game by attacking my guys
Javen Kai > there is not a single bot in my alliance
Mildron Klinker > but bot aspirants plenty
Javen Kai > then go kill them
Mildron Klinker > i just did
Javen Kai > galendor is not a bot
Javen Kai > this is the second time ive told you this
Javen Kai > are you slow?
As time went on, Javen grew increasingly frustrated. Mildron wouldn't budge. The New Order accepts nothing less than total compliance with the Code.
Mildron Klinker > no, but a bot aspirant he definatly is, else he would have docked up already when i entered the system
Javen Kai > nah you scouted him with your alt
Javen Kai > then logged on Mildron after you got the warp in
Javen Kai > leaving little time for him to react after seeing you pop up on watchlist
Mildron Klinker > well, teach your guys to be aligned to a station then, so they can initiate warp once i enter the system
The core of the problem was that Javen, like all carebear-minded individuals, was simply unwilling to accept that highsec miners need to adapt to the presence of other players. They wouldn't do anything to minimize their risk of being ganked. They felt entitled to 100% safety.
Javen Kai > so if your going to enforce your "CODE"
Javen Kai > at least do it fairly huh?
Javen Kai > but you guys arent about the code
Javen Kai > just about killing people that dont fight back
Javen Kai > if you truely wanted to follow a code you would open up a convo
Javen Kai > and ask them a simple question
Javen Kai > like.. are you a bot
It was bot-aspirancy at its finest. Javen wanted the Code to be rewritten so it didn't impose any rules making miners put in effort to stay safe. This is the same mentality that leads a carebear to spend billions on blingy modules but balk at paying 10 million isk for a permit.
Mildron Klinker > people in this area know me already a long time, the time for convo's is over.
Javen Kai > you attack my corp
Javen Kai > you are attacking me
Javen Kai > do you understand im not going to leave you alone if you keep attacking my guys
Mildron Klinker > well, either get your guys a permit or teach them how to dock up in time
Javen Kai > no your going to not attack my guys
Try as he might, Javen just couldn't win the argument. He'd underestimated Mildron Klinker. It soon became clear that there was no room for compromise on either side.

To be continued...

Friday, May 29, 2015

Alliance Executor to the Rescue, Part 1

To understand highsec, one must first understand the Code. After that, you can look into things like geography, trade routes, the people who live there, the activities they engage in, and so on. MinerBumping has plenty of articles about the Code. Let's consider geography for a moment. Ready?

Uphene is a system in the Everyshore region of Gallente highsec. At first blush, it looks like a random, non-strategic system. It's nowhere near a trade hub, it doesn't have ice, it lacks station services, etc. At second blush, well, it still looks like a bad place to set up shop.

But at third blush...

Uphene is next door to Leremblompes, a system with a name so long it gets cut off on the Dotlan map. It just so happens that Agent Mildron Klinker cares deeply about the Leremblompes system. He always has. (See, e.g., One Night in Leremblompes, Part 1 and One Night in Leremblompes, Part 2.)

A few days ago, something told Mildron he needed to make the jump to Uphene. A New Order Agent's instincts are always on the money. He saw an out-of-control miner with a fail-fit Retriever and torched it. For good measure, Mildron saw to it that Eromaki Uzu's Capsule and Eromaki Uzu's Mobile Tractor Unit were taken care of, as well.

Whenever our Agents kill a miner, they investigate the situation to see if the miner is a symptom of a larger problem. Upon looking up the miner's corp information, Mildron developed real concerns. It was a highsec PvE corp that encouraged new players to spend all their time mining in highsec. The corp description glorified AFK mining in highsec as participation in "alliance fleets".

Worse yet, the alliance had an ore buyback program. Instead of trying to sell ore at a mark-up to buyers far from the trade hubs, or simply mining near a trade hub and selling there, the alliance told its members to go to Uphene and sell ore to corp leaders at worse prices than Jita. What a delightful experience for new players.

Highsec is filled with terrible industrial corps that serve no purpose other than being vanity corps for the CEO. Some have evolved into vanity alliances. This was the case for Alwar Alliance, which, in addition to its main industrial corp, had shell corps like Big Beaver Club and Big Beaver Corp.

The next day, Mildron visited Uphene again. He encountered and killed Brian McMullin's Retriever. It was another member of Alwar Alliance. Alarmingly, Brian's Retriever had an even worse fit. Mildron made an appointment for the following day to give the Uphene system another check-up.

Alwar Alliance was still up to no good in Uphene. Mildron ganked galendor Darine's yield-fit Covetor and arranged for the destruction of his Mobile Tractor Unit, as well.
Mildron Klinker > o/
Javen Kai > You need to stop attacking my miners.
Mildron Klinker > well, get a permit
Javen Kai > a permit?
Javen Kai > really bro
Within minutes of this gank, Mildron received a convo request from someone in Alwar Alliance.

It was Javen Kai, the self-described "Brutor Bulldog". Javen was the executor of the Alwar Alliance. A four-year veteran of EVE, Javen's ambition was to build a highsec mining alliance. (Naturally.) By performing three attacks on Alwar Alliance miners in three days, Mildron Klinker had gotten Javen's full attention. Now the Mildron problem was the only item on Alwar Alliance's agenda. The alliance executor would need to handle this matter personally--to speak with the ganker one-on-one.
Mildron Klinker > yes sir, really, only 10 mill for 365 days of code compliant mining
Javen Kai > nah noone is going to pay you to mine in Uphene
Javen Kai > this is where i operate my alliance you dont say who mines and who doesnt
Mildron Klinker > then miners will die
Javen Kai > dont you have anything better to do with your time?
Javen Kai > other than being a greifing faggot?
The Brutor Bulldog was not one to be trifled with.

To be continued...

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Over Six Hundred Four Billion in Shares Sold

Buying shares in the New Order is an incredible investment strategy. We go beyond the established norms of the world of finance--we make our own rules. And we're lovin' every minute of it.

As Agent TenThunders proves, it's never too early or too late to put aside carebearism in favor of actual gameplay.

Gurty Jones, who submitted a CODEdot alliance logo proposal to wide acclaim, echoes what TenThunders said.

Skeptics claim that the New Order isn't changing anything, and that we're merely spreading misery among tens of thousands of highsec players. Tell that to all of the former isk-grinders we've rescued.

Meanwhile, our march of progress continues unabated. Annah Tsero purchased 315 shares and earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for sending us over the 604 billion mark. Annah really knows what she's doing! Do you?

Diamond in the Rough, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Tisiphone Dira made the journey to Hek in search of EVE players of a high enough caliber to join the New Order. Witnessing Code violators, Tisiphone struck them down and interviewed them to take their measure.

JN Alister claimed that he'd been AFK to take a "birthday phone call". It was time for Tisiphone to give JN Alister a birthday present, courtesy of the New Order.

It seemed JN's birthday had triggered some kind of mid-life crisis.

The gank recipient cursed the Code and again expressed his disdain for "rollplay".

Tisiphone judged the birthday boy to be unfit for service in the Order. Maybe next year.

Continuing her quest to find a diamond in the rough, Tisiphone met up with Elrond Peredhil, who was amazed to discover the existence of emergent gameplay. It was a close call: If Tisiphone hadn't ganked him, maybe Elrond never would've heard of the sandbox.

After a very, very cursory reading of the Code, Elrond decided he didn't like the sandbox. In his haste to teach Tisiphone about the Code, Elrond missed the part about not using profanity.

Elrond insisted he was too swaggy a motherfucker to be terminated. Yet he had indeed been terminated already. Tisiphone began to suspect that Elrond might not be cut out for the New Order.

Something was off--Hek wasn't producing high-quality players. Tisiphone soldiered on.

The next potential recruit was lined up and podded. Could this be the diamond of Hek?

Not likely. Hommer StoneHead wasn't even good at confessing his crimes.

In the end, Tisiphone didn't find any suitable EVE players during this trip to Hek. She was greeted by some fellow Agents, but the carebears she podded were all of low quality.

You might be thinking, "But the post is called 'Diamond in the Rough'. Where's the diamond, then?" Ah, dear, reader, that is bot-aspirancy. The bot-aspirant thinks that he can put in a set amount of effort and be guaranteed a predetermined reward. That's not how player-generated content works. To find a diamond in the rough, one must be prepared not to find one, because there's no guarantee of a diamond. Otherwise, it wouldn't be called a rough; it would be called a "place with a diamond in it". Everyone would go there. People would crowd into the roughs.

Tisiphone set out to find a diamond, enforcing the Code as she went, knowing she might find only bot-aspirants. That, in itself, is an extraordinary triumph of the human spirit.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Diamond in the Rough, Part 1

Agents of the New Order are many things: Elite warriors, poets, law enforcers, therapists, philosophers, conquerors. They are also explorers. Each Agent searches the vast wasteland of highsec for something exceptional. When they recognize that special, indescribable spark in a miner's eyes, they know they've found a candidate for our next Agent.

As I said, however, highsec is vast and filled with waste. The search for a good player can be a difficult one.

Agent Tisiphone Dira made the trek to Hek, hoping to find someone with promise. She found mattgb instead.

It's a law of mathematics that not everyone we encounter in highsec can be awesome. If a carebear falls short, he can still be sold a mining permit. Tisiphone figured that was about the extent of mattgb's potential. But the carebear insisted that there was more to mattgb than met the eye...

...which is unlikely. Our Agents have perfect vision. They get it from the Code.

Even judging by bot-aspirant standards, mattgb fell short of greatness. "I'm organizing probably 4-5 major corps" may be the most unimpressive threat you can make.

mattgb claimed that he had the backing of every single corp in his employment history, plus all of the alliances currently affiliated with those corps. Caution! Always give your former employer a heads-up before you use them as a reference.

After careful consideration, Tisiphone decided mattgb wasn't ready to become an Agent of the New Order yet. The carebear had a lot of growing up to do.

Tisiphone was encouraged when she encountered JN Alister, who was celebrating his birthday. One year older, this carebear might be a bit more mature.

Our Agent put the AFK birthday boy to the test. Instead of taking the opportunity to confess his crime, JN Alister started making wisecracks. It looked like Tisiphone had a comedian on her hands.

Everyone responds differently to their birthday. Some reflect on how far they've come and where they want to go. Others get jaded and cynical. JN Alister dismissed all highsec law as "rollplaying". The system only existed to keep him down, JN felt.

After dealing with jokers like mattgb and JN Alister all day, some might be inclined to give up on highsec. Then there are the Agents of the New Order, who believe highsec is worth fighting for.

To be continued...

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

CODEdot Alliance Logo Submissions

It's art season in the New Order! A few days ago, I sent out an open invitation for anyone with artistic ambitions to try their hand at designing the CODEdot Alliance Logo. Click over to that post for more details. Long story short, create a 512x512 image based on my face--the face that saved highsec--and upload it to Imgur. Then EVEmail me the link.

The contest is still open. Let's take a look at the submissions we've received thus far:

From AeleDeux, a take on the familiar "HOPE" poster. Does anyone inspire more hope than I do? If so, I'd love to meet 'em.

From Bait'er De'Outlier, an almost angelic vision of my face. I imagine this is the last thing a carebear sees before he biomasses his mining character.

From Gurty Jones, a stylized impression of highsec's Saviour, champion of the working classes (and all the other classes, too--a rare combination!).

Gurty translated the poster into multiple color schemes. You can see the full-size version of them all at the Imgur Link above.

(Oh, and if you're wondering why the word "ALWAYS" appears in Gurty's posters... Just think about it for a minute.)

Congratulations to all of these artists on their wonderful work. Want to throw your own design into the mix? Don't be shy. This is your chance to make New Order history.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Encounter with a True Newbie

Sometimes big things come in small packages.

More often than not, though, people take care to package things efficiently. As a general rule, only small things come in small packages. Regardless, a small Code violation is still a violation. Agent Zane Arnolles caught an anti-tanked Venture autopiloting through New Order space and terminated it.

Ten minutes later, PACKYOU VERYMUCH saw fit to return to her keyboard and play some EVE. Her ship was missing!

The Venture was cheap, but Zane also popped PACKYOU's 43 million isk pod. Being a newbie, it was everything PACKYOU owned.

Normally, this would be the point where we would look at PACKYOU's employment history and discover that she's actually been playing EVE for six or seven years. Then she would say that she "just came back to EVE two months ago" or something like that.

...Not today. PACKYOU had only been playing for about four days. For once, a genuine newbie was killed. She must have spent her entire time mining in highsec to purchase the implants. She felt entitled to get them reimbursed. That's not how ganking works, though.

Our Agent explained to the newbie that isk is supposed to flow from the miner to the Agent, not the other way around. He wouldn't give her anything but what she really needed--the Code. Without warning, PACKYOU, the poor, defenseless newbie, vowed to bring destruction to the New Order.

PACKYOU underwent a dramatic transformation. No longer was she a pitiable, destitute newbie miner. Now she was the alt of a powerful, dangerous player. She even had a corp full of people who would do her bidding. What a twist!

The Venture pilot wasn't a miner after all. Nor did she need reimbursement for her pod. Ten million isk was small potatoes. She was rich.

Only minutes earlier, PACKYOU would have been a cause célèbre for the anti-ganking crowd. She would have been proof (finally!) that the New Order ganks brand-new players and robs them of their isk. Now, as PACKYOU bragged about her alts and her wealth, she became a living example of why all Code violators should be ganked at will.

PACKYOU ended the conversation a different person than when it began. It was startling--disturbing, even. Agent Zane knew what to do, though. He held to the Code. It had always worked in the past.

The New Order is a welcoming bunch. Even the most grotesque highsec personalities can send us 10 million isk and enjoy the benefits of compliance.

Some need more convincing than others. But rich or poor, young or old, the Code eventually comes to them all.