Sunday, January 28, 2018

Kills of the Week

My impression of a bot-aspirant rebel: "Don't worry about getting a New Order mining permit. I've been mining here for years and never seen an Agen--*BOOM*." Want me to do another one? Okay. "Don't worry about getting a New Order mining permit. Just fit a tank and you'll be--*BOOM*."

As you can see from these selected kills from the week of January 21st @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 27th @ 23:59 EVEtime, those impressions are spot-on. Uncanny, really.

Carebear apologists accuse our Agents of "torture". It's nonsense, of course. If you want to see torture in EVE, check out what Samiris Duran was doing to this Megathron hull. Disgusting. Agents Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Pod-Goo Repoman, Hek Arbosa, and Aaaarrgg gave the Megathron the merciful release of death. It's in a better place now, far away from Samiris Duran.

This is the kind of freighter kill that demands an explanation. Liendao Gregento lost her Charon to Agents Siegfried Cohenberg and Braggs Seyllin. Observant readers will note that Siegfried isn't on the killmail, though. And the elite, eagle-eyed readers will note the damage: Braggs only did half a percent of the total.

Siegfried is one of the most gifted bumpers out there. He quite literally bumped the Charon to death. As for the Guristas NPCs who applied 99.5% of the damage, they're undoubtedly Agent-aspirants. Arguments about sentience aside, those Guristas have more of a soul than most carebears, that's for sure.

People often ask: Which is the most elite PvP alliance in EVE, CODE. or Pandemic Legion? I'll let the reader decide, but I think it's worth noting that every time PL and the mighty CODE. alliance have gone head-to-head, CODE. has prevailed.

As was the case here. Miss Jools did her best, but she was no match for Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Alison, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Joel Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jason Kusion, Tax Collector Kimi, Eden Jayne Quiggins, brainlet, Ding Dong MingMong, and Mining Lord 1999.

This was the jump freighter's cargo. In fairness to PL, the pilot was only a member of Sniggerdly. That's like their feeder corp, right?

Poor Danny Daraka. Nobody told him about all the jump freighters with ORE cargo expanders who have been dying in the Iyen-Oursta system. Not only did nobody tell him, but apparently he's gotten behind on his MinerBumping reading. Always a costly mistake.

Agents Jayson Kusion, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Alison, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Kittens, Jason Kusion, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector HongMei, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, brainlet, Mining Lord 1999, and Ding Dong MingMong torched the AFK jump freighter and set him back 20.8 billion isk.

If you're too poor to buy a jump freighter, you can lose all your stuff in a Deep Space Transport for a fraction of the cost. What a bargain! Drunken Phonebooth wandered into Uedama looking very out of place in his Impel. Agents Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, and brainlet greeted him with the "Uedama hello", which looks suspiciously similar to the "Uedama goodbye".

Phugoid was smartbombed by Agent brainlet after losing his 2.5 billion isk Orca. You know you're in for bad times when your pod costs more than your Orca. Phugoid lost all 3.6 billion isk of his implants.

Speed and armor are nothing compared to the Code. Don't forget it--or else our Agents will have to remind you.


  1. Fuck yea Guristas!! I hope the new NPC ai will become more prevalent in highsec, and more like players with comparable dps! ;)

    It's almost as if CCP hates carebears as much as the rest of us. I would love to see freighter ganking fleets of NPC's roaming highsec looking for bots. The layers of irony would not be lost on me.

    Actual bots killing human bot-aspirants while making the aspirants pay for it is how the devs meta, and only CCP could have thought it up. Looks like the Code is becoming more and more an integral part of the whole EVE experience.


  2. Man, there is some new energy here! I can feel it. The New Order is taking over High Sec... Bot-aspirants and ag rebs are on the run! But like James said, you can't outrun nor out-tank the Code!

    Praise James! May he reign 1000 Years! \o/

  3. The thing that still puzzles me, is why are jump freighters taking stargates? As the toons piloting them have invested time (or skill injectors :( ) and ISK getting a jump rather than an ordinary freighter, why not, you know . . . jump it?

    Drammie Askold

    1. One day we will develop fully sentient, intelligent computer beings that can second-guess their intentions and solve problems creatively.

      Alas, we still live in a world where machines are limited in their capabilities. A bot can not do what it was not programmed to do, e.g. thinking for itself. And, as we all know, bot-aspirants often emulate bots with such zealous attention for detail, that they themselves become indistinguishable from the machine. Asking why bot-aspirants don't do the simple and evident thing that could prevent loss of their assets (like being at their keyboards or following the code) is like asking a toaster why it didn't put butter on your toasts.

  4. Jamey writes: "Carebear apologists accuse our Agents of "torture". It's nonsense, of course. If you want to see torture in EVE, check out what Samiris Duran was doing to this Megathron hull."

    Nice dodge. You can't torture an inanimate object like a digital spaceship. You can however partake in real life torture/harassment via VOIP "Bonus Room" shenanigans, an act Jamey's CHODE. slaves have been banned by CCP for engaging in.

    On to 2 billion in mining profit this month, all in various high security systems. No sign of CHODE. slaves. Life is good.

    1. That sounds terrible. If only there was a way to close a teamspeak chat of you felt like you were being "tortured".

      On another note, 2 bil worth of anonymous hisec mining while posting about it daily on the comments section of someone else's blog? That sounds like pure self-torture.

    2. Comparing real life torture to someone voluntarily joining a voice chat (that they can leave anytime) server online to get bullied like the soft bitch they are is pathetic. That Megathron really did suffer, those types of fits make me feel bad as a human being that I share the world with people like that.

  5. Hail James 315 and his LBGTQ pride movement!


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