Sunday, April 30, 2017

Kills of the Week

One thing that's remarkable about the practice of ganking Code violators: The fairness of it. Carebears only lose ships that they choose to violate the Code with. If they suffer a massive loss, it's due to their own decadence, and the loss is of a severity of their own choosing. Similarly, if a poor miner spends all of his money on an unlicensed Retriever and goes bankrupt (gankrupt?), it's because he chose to dedicate all his isk to violating the Code. The punishment is always just.

Now to bring those principles to life, with some real-world examples from the week of April 23rd @ 00:00 EVEtime through April 29th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Andrey Deka starts us off with a bizarre Retriever. This isn't a fit; it's a concoction. Not satisfied with his ore bay, Andrey equipped a cargo expander. He needed to offset the loss in hitpoints by equipping 'Citadella' 100mm Steel Plates. But the resultant loss of speed needed to be offset by a 1MN Afterburner. Just in case that extra speed made it harder to hit asteroids, Andrey equipped a tracking enhancer. Agent Galaxy Pig had an easier job--equip a bunch of light neutron blasters and open fire.

Agent Uncle Flacco was scouting some asteroid belts when he saw an Orca piloted by Catia Levroth. For some unknown reason, the Orca suddenly went suspect. Unsure of the cause, Flacco took it as a sign. He reshipped into a Prophecy and tackled the Orca. The Orca's two friends in Hulks retreated as Flacco and Catia engaged in a duel of combat drones. One of the Hulk pilots returned to the belt in a Brutix, which opened fire on Flacco's Prophecy. Since Flacco hadn't gone suspect himself, the Brutix was CONCORDed for his trouble. The other Hulk pilot returned with logi support, but upon being attacked by Flacco's drones, the logi ran away and left the Orca to die.

Whatever the reason for the suspect status, it provided highsec with content. If you ask me, EVE would get more subscribers if all Orcas were suspect all the time.

Staffner was the latest victim to fall prey to "Deep Space Transport disease", an affliction that causes carebears to think they're being clever when they haul with DSTs instead of freighters. The truth is that our Agents are always at least two steps ahead. Agents Ralliana, Underpaid Ship Mechanic, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector BokChoy, Luna Nightblood, Australian Excellence, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Max, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Aruka, and Tax Collector HongMei blapped the oddly blingy Mastodon and scooped 4.5 billion isk of loot.

mprotector had a 23 billion isk Orca and just enough common sense to avoid going suspect, so a suicide gank was called for. Agents Jack Fizzleblade, Grant Bant, BAE B BLUE, BAE B PEW, SynthiaGreey, Elite Highsec PvP, Arobaz, Alexis Grixis, Bratok Srayona, Bint Bint, Dewzer Eyre, Jasper Esper, Yojiro, Sigmund Jund, Lanse Lot, Vudu Mama Juju, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, Tarwinz, Hermann Fizzleblade, Gea Stormbound, Whitney Wooberg, Archibald Fizzleblade, Franz Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Hagen Fizzleblade, Juju Mama Vudu, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Joshua Kusion, and Johnathan Kusion melted the bloated fish.

Among the cargo was a set of 101 'Augmented' Mining Drones worth nearly 4 billion isk. It's good to get those off the chessboard.

Ouch. Jason Ryan's highsec super, a jump freighter worth 41 billion isk, was caught on autopilot and deeply AFK. The gank apparently didn't disturb Jason Ryan's slumber, as he could've activated his jump drive to escape at any time. Agents Hermann Fizzleblade, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Archibald Fizzleblade, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Hagen Fizzleblade, uninstall 01, uninstall 02, uninstall 03, uninstall 05, Johnathan Kusion, Jack Fizzleblade, Joshua Kusion, uninstall 04, uninstall 06, Franz Fizzleblade, uninstall 09, uninstall 10, uninstall 08, uninstall 07, Jake Kusion, Madula Tawate, buttman 5, buttman 6, and buttman 4 took him down. When Jason Ryan did eventually open his eyes, he must've experienced a rude awakening.

Speaking of somnambulists, SleepyBear went AFK in a shuttle--an increasingly rare occurrence in modern highsec. Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri performed his duty, not expecting to receive anything more than the satisfaction that comes with enforcing the Code.

Incredibly, SleepyBear's shuttle contained half a dozen PLEX, all of which were returned to CCP. Looks like six more months of winter hibernation for SleepyBear.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #130

You know what's going on here. Another edition. Off we go!

The recent MinerBumping series on Agent Hero Of HiSec shed a light on what he's been up to. I'm proud to be associated with such a gentleman.

Joslyne Sparrow finally had enough of the whole "New Order" thing, so she decided to do something about it herself.

...Then she decided it was a matter for someone else, and her campaign came to an end. That was a really scary two hours, though.

Don't bother counting the syllables, dear reader. It's not a haiku.

I don't need to do much of an investigation to close this case. I mean, the guy put scare quotes around his own excuse.

Some miners like to send a barrage of separate messages, hoping they'll be heard for their many EVEmails...

As with the Conservation of Ninjutsu, the proliferation of EVEmails did nothing but dilute each message's quality.

Maybe this was lil bitss's way of saying she wished to have a private convo with our Agent. It would've been a better venue for this type of thing.

Finally, the miner gave up and decided to destroy EVE by driving away new players. But what about CCP's revenues? What a monster.

Apparently Monder Aurgnet was looking at the highsec org chart upside down.

In a major diplomatic blunder for the rebels, Iren Skripa insulted the entire Republic of Niger--nearly 20 million people. Way to go.

Here we see the reality of EVE and its new (or newish) players. They come to the game looking for excitement, but often get bogged down in the grinding that the tutorial and the carebears direct them to. When an Agent shows up and gives them PvP, it's a cause for celebration. EVE would've died years ago, if not for the Code. We keep this game going.

Friday, April 28, 2017

A Good Deal Is a Good Deal

Nice Trap m8 > o/ hello
SLAYER SSS > You fucking bitch!!
SLAYER SSS > i fuck you mother!!
Nice Trap m8 > Oh my oh my miner.
Nice Trap m8 > Please calm down.
SLAYER SSS > Suck my dick!!
It is the New Order's wish that every miner in highsec would buy a permit and comply with the Code. When you run into a miner like SLAYER SSS, however, that goal can seem a bit unrealistic.
Nice Trap m8 > Would you be interested in purchasing a mining permit?
SLAYER SSS > Fucking bustard!!
Nice Trap m8 > It will save you from future attacks obtaining a permit from a New Order Agent.
SLAYER SSS > Suck my dick!!!
For clarity's sake, SLAYER didn't lose a Bustard. It was his Covetor that was destroyed by our Agent.
SLAYER SSS > Fuck off!!
Nice Trap m8 > Miner calm down.
Nice Trap m8 > This is a family friendly game. You are not making matters better by swearing.
SLAYER SSS > fuck you!! i kill you evry day !! fucing bitches!!
You may or may not be surprised to learn that SLAYER is a Russian miner. I don't know what kind of people are teaching English over there, but I've got some real concerns.
Nice Trap m8 > Please try to understand the importance of following the words of James 315. Such disobedience will result in further enforcment.
SLAYER SSS > Fuck you! suck my dick!!
Nice Trap m8 > So are you interested in purchasing a permit miner?
SLAYER SSS > how much?
As rebellious, profane, and angry as SLAYER was, he couldn't help but let his curiosity get the better of him. He wanted to know how much a mining permit cost.
Nice Trap m8 > 10 million ISK.
SLAYER SSS > per day????
Nice Trap m8 > Per year
SLAYER SSS > And you will be defence me?
Nice Trap m8 > yes when I am online I will protect all whom hold a mining permit. That is my duty.
SLAYER SSS > ok, 10 000 000 per year?
Nice Trap m8 > Yes
And just like that, a mining permit was sold. SLAYER hated our Agent and everything he stood for. He had no respect for the Code or the New Order. But hey, at prices like these--who could resist?
SLAYER SSS > i will send you now
Nice Trap m8 > Okay send ISK and I shall issue you a mining permit.
SLAYER SSS > i did it
SLAYER SSS > check you account
Nice Trap m8 > Okay I sent you a mail just put that into your biography.
Nice Trap m8 > Thank you for being accepting the ways of James 315 miner.
SLAYER SSS > i did it
Nice Trap m8 > Okay. praise james! \o/ Fly safe miner o7
If SLAYER put the permit in his bio, he quickly removed it. The very next day, he lost another Covetor. A Goofus who can spot a bargain is still a Goofus.

Over One Trillion One Hundred Seventy-Three Billion in Shares Sold

Feeling especially illumined after reading one of my old TMC pieces, Agent Viirilithizu Ward wrote an EVEmail and, though not mentioned in it, purchased 300 more shares of New Order stock.

Our Agents win hearts and minds every day in highsec. Some of those hearts and minds belong to members of anti-Code organizations. The rebels say we drive away "newbros" from the game and threaten to destroy CCP's profits. Upon witnessing the truth for himself, 1Lt Aldo Raine gathered some of the assets of the "Highsec Militia" and switched sides. He also purchased 315 shares of New Order stock.

But it was Prophetess Leroux who had the best timing this week. Her 200 additional shares sent us over the 1,173 billion isk mark and earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Well played.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Thrasher for Your Thoughts, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Vrix Nation did what it always does, but for some reason the autopiloters were surprised to be ganked.

Every day, the carebears prove why they're the bad guys. Their invective is absolute poison. Also, they use the autopilot function.

Kaniak couldn't believe that he kept getting ganked. It's almost as if autopiloting in your pod is a bad idea. Better keep doing it, just to make sure.

...With respect. Our Agents should be treated with respect. What's the Russian emoticon for respect, again?

Carebears don't like to PvP in EVE, but they don't enjoy their chosen PvE activities much, either. That's why they'd always prefer to be doing something else at the same time.

On the other hand, some of their "I wasn't AFK, I was just..." stories lack credibility. The only believable ones are when the carebears admit they were using the bathroom.

Critics say that there's little risk in ganking pods in highsec. Not true. You could be attacked by a dreadnought at any time, innit?

Politeness goes a long way in highsec; it's a wonder more carebears don't make use of it. For example, Aetius Romano could have said, "I respectfully decline to obey the Code at this time. Here is an advance of 10 million isk should I choose to buy a permit in the future. On second thought, I think I will obey the Code, and I'd like to buy a permit."

See how much better that sounds?


Score another victim of the denialists. The Code is real, it's relevant, and it's here to stay.

MonteCristo claims that autopiloting is a necessity because it's the only way to travel long distances when your schedule is busy. Not so. You can always break up your journey into pieces and do a few jumps per day.

I'm not certain what the problem is here, but I'm guessing this guy wasted a PLEX.

Our Agents are remarkable. They're even able to gank autopiloters who don't play EVE.

Ever notice how genuine new players like Damasceno SaadiAltir have a much better attitude about being ganked than do the veterans? They haven't been infected by carebearism yet.

More and more people these days read the Code and accept its many truths. They might need a little kick in the pod to start obeying it, but that's no problem at all. The New Order has Thrashers to spare.

To be continued...

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Hero's Journey, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Hero Of HiSec was in for the fight of his life when he found himself face to face with his arch-nemesis, Rayze Adoudel.

Rayze promised to wage a long-term campaign of vengeance against Hero. Our Agent's life in EVE would never be the same.

Later, Hero returned to Hek, only to find Rayze's sidekick Jack U'up causing a scene. Hero punished the miner to remind him of the consequences of such misbehavior.

Jack U'up remained defiant. He'd obviously been emboldened by Rayze. But where was she?

Hero suspected something was up. Jack usually didn't stray far from Rayze. Was this a distraction? On a hunch, Hero jumped next door to Nakugard.

Hero's instincts were right as usual. He quickly located Rayze in Nakugard, reshipped into a Catalyst, and ganked her Covetor.

Rayze raged. Another of her followers, William Malabo, chimed in. He, too, had been ganked by Hero.

Hero recognized Vadden Yvormes, as well. Rayze seemed to be rallying everyone who held a grudge against our Agent.

Agent Hero had been busy, and his work was paying off. Nearly everyone who spoke against him got ganked sooner or later. Hero was living up to his name.

Rayze tried to stir up opposition to the Code in local. Something interesting happened in the middle of her rant: The word "tis". Was Hero's style rubbing off, even on his arch-nemesis?

The rebel miner's campaign was derailed when she discovered, to her great displeasure, that Nakugard miners were buying permits and complying with the Code.

Even some critics of the New Order had decided it was safer to buy a permit. Rayze couldn't believe it.

Bot-aspirants are difficult to teach. They'd usually prefer to lose expensive ships rather than pay 10 million isk for safety. In the long run, however, the Code always prevails.

After all, the Code promises extraordinary benefits to everyone in EVE. Resistance to the Code only brings misery.

With no other tactics in her arsenal, Rayze appealed directly to the Saviour of Highsec. If she was hoping that Hero would get fired or something, she hoped in vain. Hero taught highsec a valuable lesson about substance over style. It doesn't matter whether an Agent speaks ye olde English or not. As long as a Catalyst kills miners, it's a good Cat.