Saturday, August 18, 2018

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #164


As long as I'm not banned, the Grab Bags must continue. Welcome to the latest edition!


Highsec carebears don't mine their way out of highsec. They need to be pushed. Luckily, our Agents are strong and brave and very good at what they do.


Signia Chelien advised our Agent to "go fuck with some other retard players". I'm not sure why Signia disqualified himself in that way.


If you're running tree accounts in highsec, you'd better be piloting tree Catalysts or stealth bombers or something.


Agent Erotic Trade was able to enlist the aid of an ambitious young hauler to take care of his courier contract. However...


Nothing is impossible with the Code. Life is really difficult without it, though.


Say what you will about our Agents, but they most certainly do "occupy" highsec. New Order territory is the original occupancy sov.


According to Hypsy Hypsy, emergent gameplay and elite PvP make EVE look bad, but AFK mining in total safety would be great marketing for the game. Let's hope CCP never hires this guy.


The language barrier can be a challenge for some non-English speaking miners. On the other hand...


...Even miners who speak English can have trouble understanding the intricacies of the Code.


People wonder why are our Agents are so good at killing guilty carebears. Partly it's because of our Agents' training and innate skills; partly it's because the carebears are always confessing their guilt. Agent Ralliana confronted the miner after he confessed to being AFK. This was the miner's reply:


Miners, playing EVE with sound isn't enough. You need to be close enough to your keyboard to be able to do something about those alarms you hear.


Welcome to EVE, buddy!

Friday, August 17, 2018

Over One Trillion Six Hundred Five Billion in Shares Sold

Another week of victories for the Code, coming right up! Let's get to it.

Aiko Danuja made a series of additional purchases of New Order stock. The purchases, adding up to 300 shares, were timed well enough so that one of them took us past the 1,603 billion isk mark and another took us past the 1,605 billion isk mark. This earned Aiko a Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, or, if you prefer, two Grover Clevelandesque non-consecutive Supreme Protector's Tips of the Hat™.

More traditionally, Kegan Bjornson made a bulk purchase of 1,750 shares, guaranteeing that we crossed the 1,604 billion isk mark. Kegan earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, too.


BONUS!

One of the most outrageous ways to violate the Code is to mine without a permit while publicly broadcasting your illegal activity on Twitch. That's what Mora Mar did--with predictable but extremely satisfying results.


Agent Janine Frost and friends crashed the stream and trashed the miner. The Twitch video went offline, but Janine put up a mirror on YouTube.


Janine also made a post about the encounter on Reddit, which was generously upvoted.


The Mackinaw was fail-fit, of course. The pod was full of nonsense. It's curious that this miner thought he was safe in 0.9 security space; that's New Order territory.


BONUS BONUS!


Agent Grixer Noxtlus of Division 315 was inspired by the gank and made a quick cut version of the video. If you want to get to the juicy parts of the gank (or simply want to see an animation of the mighty CODE. alliance logo in the opening), you may prefer this version.

Thursday, August 16, 2018

The Porpoiseless Miner, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Kynthia Loren lost her Porpoise and pod when she failed to obey the Code. But to the Agents who ganked her, it seemed that Kynthia had lost something far more important. Through their conversation with Kynthia, they discovered that she didn't believe anything mattered.


Our Agents challenged the sincerity of Kynthia's expressed beliefs. If she wanted to lose all of her stuff, they'd be happy to make it explode.


Most carebears--and more than a few nullsec alliances--claim that their losses "have already been replaced". Kynthia went a step further: She had no interest in replacing her lost ship and implants.


Hoping to jolt the miner out of her funk, our Agents invoked the name of the Saviour of Highsec. That usually does the trick.


Kynthia's ennui persisted, but she did let something slip--her intention to resume mining.


Agent Drugs McFarland hoped to see the miner become more engaged in EVE, even if it meant she didn't fight for the New Order. Kynthia wasn't interested.


Our Agents have encountered depressing, pessimistic miners before, but Kynthia took the cake.


Kynthia withdrew further and further from reality. She denied the existence of her fallen Porpoise.


The miner set herself adrift. Our Agents held to the truth; Kynthia sank into the abyss.


Most highsec miners have a distorted view of the world. That's one of the reasons destroying their stuff is such a useful tactic; it forces them to confront reality.


Kynthia retreated deeper into denial. Our Agents began to doubt if they could reason with her.


So much of EVE is based around perception, spin, and propaganda. The Code is a wonderful antidote to all of that. We know the New Order and its power are real because the players make it real. You break the Code, our Agents break your ship.


Kynthia allowed herself to become completely absorbed into her strange philosophy. She cared more about CONCORD than she did about people. She even suggested sympathy for some kind of bot-aspirant civil rights movement.


In fact, Kynthia was a bot-aspirant. She divorced herself from all normal human emotion and thoughts. Her humanity was hardly recognizable.


Another invocation of the Saviour's name was enough to make Kynthia log off. She couldn't even bring herself to join the chorus of "Praise James!" What a cold, bitter heart she must have.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

The Porpoiseless Miner, Part 1

You've heard of Orcas, but have you heard of their wretched little cousin, the Porpoise?


Don't worry about the details--Porpoises go boom like any other mining ship.


Kynthia Loren lost her Porpoise when a fleet of Code enforcers dropped a pile of Catalysts on her. Yet she didn't seem to mind.


Our Agents weren't buying it. They'd seen plenty of miners who try to feign indifference while seething on the inside.


Even so, Kynthia gave off a strange aura of detachment. But why?


The miner's comments suggested that she had either become a nihilist or a fatalist, or both.


Typically, a mining ship is a carebear's most prized possession. Kynthia, on the other hand, made it sound like she didn't even like having a Porpoise--like she was glad she'd been ganked.


Our Agents harbored doubts about the miner's attitude. She was irrational, not merely apathetic.


Agent Drugs McFarland raised another point: Some miners don't care about their ships, but losing implants really stings.


The gankers had taken Kynthia's pod, too. She had a set of learning implants--and that little bauble on the bottom right, a Mining Foreman Mindlink.


Kynthia expressed total disinterest in the implants she'd lost. There was something off about this miner.


To the gankers' amazement, Kynthia declared that she'd intended to lose her stuff from the very beginning. It was all part of her plan.


Kynthia was among the most nihilistic miners that our Agents had ever come across. Could they find a way to make her feel something--anything? And could they get a permit sale from such a strange miner?

To be continued...

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Tapestry of Tears, Part 9

Previously, on MinerBumping... Vaughn Law aka Lahnius shocked all present in the mighty CODE. alliance's channel when he announced his intention to form a new, more powerful version of Anti-Ganking: "Hardcore AG".


Though Vaughn's allegiance was now solidly with Hardcore AG, he still expressed regrets about missed opportunities from his time in CODE.


Indeed, Vaughn saw himself as the judge of who was truly CODE. and who was merely a pretender. During his roughly 10-day stay in the alliance, he'd been one of the true CODE. members.


Vaughn was bitter about the fact that CODE. leadership never acted on his "intel reports". That wouldn't be a problem for Hardcore AG; he'd be the leadership himself.
Vaughn Law > COWARD
Vaughn Law > C O W A R D
Vaughn Law > waoit i know you ... ummm ... damn i cant remember your original name but wqe were in alliance in shattered galaxy .. and you were a bitch then too
Trump The King > wtf is shattered galaxy
Vaughn Law > hahahaha ikr
Vaughn Law > you were a punk then and yer a punk now
Agent Trump The King found himself accused of having a connection to something called "Shattered Galaxy". Apparently this referred to another game, which Vaughn had played in the past. Vaughn was convinced that he'd crossed paths with Trump in that game.


Regardless, Shattered Galaxy was the past. Hardcore AG was the future--one which spelled certain doom for Agent Alt 00.


Agent Trump realized that there was little chance of convincing Vaughn to join a TeamSpeak conference. However, there was a new priority: To gather information about Hardcore AG before it could seize control of Nakugard and other systems.
Vaughn Law > good gawd man you truly have no reasl idea who i am?
Vaughn Law > wow
Vaughn Law > idiot ... lol ... btw all refineries are pulled due to potential wardec ... by anyone ... fuck you punk
Vaughn Law > Trump The King you causewd all of this ...
Trump The King > im glad i caused this
Rather than trying to reason with the Hardcore Anti-Ganker, Trump aimed to make comments which might elicit information about Vaughn's intentions. With any luck, Vaughn would let something valuable slip.
Vaughn Law > i will copy that to alt 00 every fucking time we destroy him
Vaughn Law > ?love hugs and kisses
Vaughn Law > asshat
Vaughn Law > yoiu are a complete dumbshit
Vaughn Law > just like in shattered galaxy
Trump The King > wtf is shattered galaxy
Though Vaughn did not appear to have any useful information at his disposal, Trump's was a relatively low-effort operation: Hearing just a few words from Trump would set Vaughn off for quite some time.
Vaughn Law > its all goiod ... nakugard will be code free
Vaughn Law > and im about to prive it to you
Vaughn Law > Trump The King alt 00 cant controil 11 cats
Vaughn Law > i will exploiut it
Vaughn Law > and i will share
The anti-Code resistance leader's plan came into focus as he repeatedly indulged in fantasies about preventing ganks in Nakugard.
Vaughn Law > we are going to fuck you guys up ..
Vaughn Law > you have no idea
Vaughn Law > WE ARE GOING TO FUCK YOU GUYS UP
Vaughn Law > you creAteds a targert
Vaughn Law > crerated
Vaughn Law > alt 00 will pay
It had now been over two hours since Vaughn started ranting and raving in the Alliance channel. Our Agents decided to test the rebel:
Vaughn Law > but isnt this your dream?
Vaughn Law > to destroy code?
Trump The King > definitely
Vaughn Law > Trump The King i knew it, thank you fcor the confirmation
Vaughn Law > copied to james 315
Vaughn Law > mwah
With one word, Agent Trump spun Vaughn up into another fit.
Tax Collector HongMei > trump is James 315 dumbo
Vaughn Law > is he? lkmao thats actually pretty gay
Vaughn Law > thjats embarrsssing
Vaughn Law > well lets see how ccp feel about it lol
Vaughn Law > the while account sharing thing ... you know ... come on now big man how about you talksome more shit lol
Vaughn Law > opening a report form now
Vaughn Law > DUMBASS
With any luck, Vaughn would chase phantoms and waste his time on petitions while Alt 00 readied her defenses in Nakugard. But one thing was clear: Time was running out.

To be continued...