Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Good Player vs. Bad Player, Part 1

The anti-Code resistance is still reeling from a significant defeat inflicted against them by Agents Ruby Rozei and Sherri Rozei:

On the storied battlefields of Uedama, bot-aspirant carebear jay lacey was decisively beaten by our Agents. The butcher's bill included a shuttle and an empty pod.

Still punch-drunk from the engagement, jay lacey asked Agent Sherri for six million isk. jay was confused. To the victor go the spoils--the victor!

It appeared Sherri had picked the wrong shuttle to pop: jay lacey had powerful friends in nullsec. His connections in Pandemic Legion would redeploy the alliance to highsec, where they would focus on targeting Sherri's Catalysts.

jay was just about to refer the matter to PL and leave the convo when an innocent remark from Sherri stopped him dead in his tracks.

jay couldn't resist. He would not leave the convo until this whole "PvP" thing was resolved.

Although Sherri was obviously a better player than jay, they were both still players. Hence, PvP. jay had a very different view.

The miner grew increasingly upset. Our Agent didn't take the bait, though.

Sherri wasn't interested in watching jay fly off the handle and rant about his lost shuttle. So she invoked the name of the Saviour of Highsec. This would decide the matter. In a matter of moments, jay would reveal once and for all whether he was a Goofus or Gallant.

jay reacted negatively to the mention of my name. This was a major red flag, but Sherri said my name again, just in case.

The miner's rage intensified. He became so angry that he couldn't help but let something slip: He told Sherri to stop ganking "barges and shuttle[s]". But Sherri hadn't ganked jay's mining barge. Why was jay so concerned about mining barges, unless he was a miner? He was caught.

The litmus test had done its work. The miner couldn't hide his contempt for highsec's Saviour. Thus, jay's true colors were plain for all to see.

Of course, one must be careful in using my name; hearing it more than a time or two can make some carebears lose control. Sherri had spoken my name four times. Now jay was becoming incoherent. Agent Sherri faced the ultimate challenge: Calm the miner and collect 10 million isk.

To be continued...

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

What's the Point of Anti-Ganking, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... The Anti-Ganking channel erupted in turmoil when Alexander Kaan made the shocking claim that it's pointless to do less than 100% damage to a ganker before CONCORD arrives and insta-jams the ganker. Rebels who had spent months or even years proudly getting on CONCORD killmails were faced with the possibility that they had been wasting their time all along.

Sparticus Spasticus Mongol and Noctis Locus scoffed at Alexander. Surely doing partial damage to a ganker before CONCORD arrives is a worthy endeavor?

Despite the hostility, Alexander stuck to his guns: To make any difference, an Anti-Ganker must either jam or completely destroy a ganker before CONCORD's arrival.

Pro-ECM rebels eventually gained the courage to openly support Alexander's heretical doctrine. Still, the theory had disturbing implications: Were all those countless Anti-Gankers really making no impact?

Anti-Ganking patriarch Rusell cautiously waded into the discussion. He, too, was of the pro-ECM faction--a position doubtless informed by bitter experience.

Nevertheless, the Anti-Gankers put up fierce resistance to learning the most basic game mechanics of their chosen profession.

On rare occasions, a carebear will show up in the comments to defend himself, claiming the presentation of the chatlog is biased. Unfortunately for the carebears, they are undone by the facts themselves--facts as immovable and pitiless as CONCORD's math. As I've said, my job is easy: Tell the truth.

The awful reality began to sink in. Sparticus threw up his hands.

Noctis pivoted. He urged greater education of haulers and industrial pilots; he should've added Anti-Gankers to that list.

Rather than learning from his mistakes and adapting, Noctis dug in his heels. He began to descend into the mire of nihilism that grips so many rebels over time.

The pro-DPS faction wasn't ready to give up just yet. Some continued to push the tactic of applying damage to the gankers.

Rusell urged his fellow rebels to abandon DPS in favor of ECM. He confessed that virtually all of his previous efforts had been useless.

After such an uncomfortable and dispiriting conversation, the rebels eventually comforted themselves with thoughts of their own moral superiority. As if failing continuously nonstop daily all the time is a righteous thing!

Monday, May 29, 2017

What's the Point of Anti-Ganking, Part 1

A victory for the Anti-Gankers? The Anti-Ganking channel celebrated Sparticus Spasticus Mongol's latest prize: A Tornado killmail. Beaming, Sparticus soaked in their applause.

But then a skunk appeared at the rebel garden party: Alexander Kaan reminded everyone in the channel that Sparticus hadn't actually prevented a gank; he'd merely put damage on a Tornado that was jammed by CONCORD anyway.

Sparticus wasn't exactly thrilled to hear that his efforts had been wasted. He wasn't good at shooting Tornadoes, so he shot the messenger instead.

Alexander ganksplained that if CONCORD appears on the killmail, it means that the ganker was still alive by the time CONCORD insta-jammed the ganker. This, in turn, means that the amount of time the ganker had to shoot his target wasn't cut short. Ergo, the Anti-Ganker had absolutely no impact.

The exception to this rule is that an Anti-Ganker using ECM may jam the ganker before CONCORD arrives. In that event, he may or may not have an impact on the gank attempt. But when it comes to Anti-Gankers using DPS to destroy gank ships, the presence of CONCORD on the killmail is definitive proof that the Anti-Ganker utterly failed.

Though it may seem to be the most basic of game mechanics--especially for a group dedicated to said mechanic--Alexander's lecture was met by confusion and disappointment.

Alexander's tone irritated his fellow Anti-Gankers, but his analysis was indisputable. What now?

Sparticus and Noctis Locus weren't willing to give up their philosophy so easily. Sparticus felt that merely trying to stop a gank was good enough. Getting on a CONCORD killmail is like getting a participation trophy. Actually, it's worse--it's a trophy with a label that says "You failed."

Noctis found the mechanics confusing. He argued that it doesn't matter whether you destroy a ganker before CONCORD arrives, as long as you spend your time shooting the ganker.

Incredibly, an "Anti-Ganker" didn't realize that CONCORD jams gankers before destroying them. He had no idea that everything he'd tried to do up to this point had been useless.

If you've ever wondered why the Anti-Gankers have been unable to stop the New Order from ganking, visit their channel.

Despite the fact that the numbers objectively proved Alexander's point, his fellow rebels wouldn't budge. Could Alexander teach the resistance how to stop ganks, or would his heresies get him expelled from the channel?

To be continued...

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Kills of the Week

Everyone knows that obeying the Code has massive, massive benefits. For instance, if you obey the Code, you'll be able to keep your ship instead of losing it. But what about the other, less obvious, advantages? Well, let me put it this way: If you meditate on the Code--if you get really in tune with it--some extraordinary things can happen.

Agent Aaaarrgg made history with 10,000 pod kills on a single character. It's funny how carebears think that somehow they won't get caught, when there are Agents like Aaaarrgg on patrol.

Clearly, Aaaarrgg knows a thing or two about the Code, and he's been incredibly successful over a long period due to it. But this week, from May 21st @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 27th @ 23:59 EVEtime, I want to show you what happens when someone gets intensely in tune with the Code over a more compressed period of time. But first...

Mrs Hekki's wasn't the most expensive hauler destroyed by our Agents this week, but it was a peculiar one. For some reason, Mrs Hekki thought blinging up her Bustard would make it a less attractive target. Instead, her fittings managed to cost more than her cargo. It's like she protected her valuables with a diamond-encrusted, solid gold padlock. Agents Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Hill, Pod Destroyer Molly, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector HongMei, Australian Excellence, and Tax Collector Aruka blapped the Bustard.

Sauft Kitty set a course for everyone's favorite trade route choke-point and crashed a party hosted by the Fizzleblades, the Kusions, and several of their closest friends. No one likes an uninvited guest. Agents Unfit ForDoody, SynthiaGreey, Yojiro, Bratok Srayona, Tarwinz, Alexis Grixis, Elite Highsec PvP, BAE B BLUE, BAE B PEW, Hermann Fizzleblade, Sigmund Jund, Emergent Gameplay, Joe Kouvo, Darnoth, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Jasper Esper, Franz Fizzleblade, Whitney Wooberg, Archibald Fizzleblade, Hagen Fizzleblade, Grant Bant, Ivana Freemam, Jack Fizzleblade, Dixie Lot, Jason Kusion, Joel Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, and Jimaya Tekitsu bounced Sauft Kitty from their party, and festivities resumed.

Duke Starhammer. This guy. Last week he was caught with a 460 million isk Covetor. Ol' Duke decided to double down with a 689 million isk Mackinaw. The scent of ORE Strip Miners attracted a bunch of professors from The Lawton School for Pubbies Who Can't Mine Good: Agents Hulk Poddington, Skiff Poddington, Mack Poddington, James Poddington, and Lawrence Lawton.
Duke Starhammer > What the hell? why are you fucking with me?
Lawrence Lawton > Because you're mining without a permit in James 315 space.
Duke Starhammer > Fuck your permit.
Duke Starhammer > Your stupid rule is not a real rule or concord wouldn't kill you. so piss off you wankers
Lawrence Lawton > Highsec belongs to James 315.
Duke Starhammer > You are delusional
Lawrence Lawton > My delusion just cost you a lot of money XD
Class dismissed. A few days later, Lawrence was putting together his lesson plan for the next class, and it occurred to him that Duke Starhammer's alts might also be in possession of illegal modules...

Ouch! Rhys Starhammer was using a 513 million isk fail-fit Covetor with yet another pair of ORE Strip Miners. Agents Hulk Poddington, James Poddington, and Lawrence Lawton destroyed the ship, along with another Starhammer alt flying a 486 million isk Covetor.

Interestingly--alarmingly--another 450 million isk Covetor piloted by someone apparently unaffiliated with the Starhammer gang was popped this week by Agents Crom Cimmeria and Subotai Hyrkanian.

Lesson: If you're using ORE Strip Miners, especially in "cheap" mining barge hulls, our Agents will find you.

Something was rotten in the Ashab system: It was Ohmdeath, who was stinking up the joint with a facepalm-fit mining battleship. Agents Skiff Poddington, Hulk Poddington, Mack Poddington, James Poddington, and Lawrence Lawton once again found themselves at the scene of the crime, and they were more than willing to make the arrest.

To read more about this incident, check out Lawrence's blog. Needless to say, Ohmdeath needs the kind of help that only the New Order can provide.

Goblin Rus lost the Pod of the Week, an isk-bomb worth 2.4 billion that was hidden in his Mackinaw. Despite mining in a 0.9 security system, Goblin was discovered by--you guessed it--Agent Lawrence Lawton. He and his fellow scholars dissected Goblin's Mackinaw and savored the juicy Capsule inside.

It's remarkable that Lawrence managed to find so many exotic bot-aspirants to kill this week, spread across the Domain, Khanid, and Kor-Azor regions. How did he do it? Elite PvP? Yeah, that's part of the answer, but I think Lawrence was just exceptionally in tune with the Code this week. Try the Code for yourself, and you'll be amazed at the results you get.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #132

Hmmm. Could be a good time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag? Maybe. We'll see.

Yes, it's definitely time. Welcome to yet another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

According to the latest Anti-Ganking propaganda, it's bad to gank mining ships because they could be piloted by children. And do you know how you can tell when a miner you've ganked is a young child?

They cry less in local.

Most of the time, our Agents see miners exploiting their children to deflect blame for Code violations, as in, "I was only AFK because I was feeding my baby." On this occasion, however, we find a parent whose heart is in the right place--she bought her child a mining permit.

When the previous message was forwarded to me, I gave the parent some important information about the Code, along with some words of caution about the potential dangers of highsec mining. Parent and child were both willing to accept the risks. It's always nice to see good family values still being practiced out there.

...On the other hand, not everyone had the advantage of being raised by loving, Code-compliant parents.

As was reported on Lawrence Lawton's blog, a miner named Quizblap accused our Agents of ruining the game.

Does the name Quizblap sound familiar? Well, I'll give you a hint. He's not exactly a "new player".

Quizblap is one of the alts of Quizblog, who was featured on the Kills of the Week for losing a 10 billion isk pod. Yes, he seriously tried to make our Agent feel bad for popping a 10 billion isk pod. Good luck.

You can tell how much this guy didn't care about losing his mining barge.

In a place like EVE--and especially in highsec--there are a lot of conflicting claims of authority. Profane gestures in ASCII generally aren't a hallmark of legitimacy.

I'm not sure who shortround corsa is, but I'm guessing that somewhere down the line, somebody lost a Retriever.

Probably yield-fit.

It's refreshing to see a sincere apology from time to time. Yes, there's some excuse-making in there, and a few plays for sympathy. Still, you can tell that this miner is genuinely humbled and embarrassed. We need a lot more of that attitude in highsec.