Saturday, January 31, 2015

The AdVENTURE Continues: February Venture-Killing Contest!

Time for more love from the New Order's vibrant community.

Yes, it's Venture hunting season again. Agent CODE Agent AC has revived the contest she created last year. You can see the Official EVE-O Thread for the February contest at the link.

Same rules as last time. Need a reminder? CODE Agent AC wrote:
1. Venture Pilots must be unique and different players.
2. Kills must be made in High Security Space (1.0 - 0.5)
3. Anyone can participate - You do not need to be a member of the CODE. Alliance or the New Order.
4. Rookie Systems are off limits.
[Further evidence, as if we needed any, of the New Order's benevolence and commitment to helping new players. -Ed]

Prizes (I am sure there will be more as this evolves):

1st place - Two 30 day Pilot license extension
2nd place - A 30 day Pilot license extension
BONUS: There will be a gift of something special from myself for the best story involved!
So there you have it. Gank as many unique Venture pilots as you can, improve highsec, and maybe win some PLEX.

When news of the contest was released on EVE-O, it was a hit. Who can argue with some player-created fun in EVE?

Just like last time, there were some tears, as well.

However, the truth is that there are many good reasons to gank Ventures. According to CCP's own statistics, Ventures are the most commonly botted mining ship in the game--by a wide margin. Incredibly, over 40% of bot-miners use Ventures. If you combine Ventures with Retrievers, the other ship frequently used by "new players", a whopping 75% of mining bots are accounted for. This puts all of those cries for "protecting new players" in a different light, no?

The New Order loves genuine new players. We welcome them into our family. With a Venture-ganking contest, we give new gankers the opportunity to practice ganking the weakest mining ship. We also remind all of the bots and bot-aspirants who use Ventures to obey the Code.

Consider: If Venture pilots begin following the Code, they'll stop botting. Then CCP won't have to ban them--and can collect subscription revenue from them instead. Everyone wins!

CODE Always Wins the Argument, Too

If "might makes right", then the Agents of the New Order are surely always right. And yet, what's so impressive about the New Order is, not only are our Agents unbeatable warriors in PvP--they're also intellectual giants.

Disgruntled highsec carebear Philip Elliades sent a complaint EVEmail to Agent Liek DarZ. With no apparent provocation, he called the Agent an "asshole".

Agent Liek could have ignored the carebear. Or he could've repaid ugliness with ugliness. He did neither. Instead, our hero did something revolutionary for EVE and highsec: He told the truth.

Despite being told exactly what he needed to hear, Philip dug in his heels and called Liek an asshole again.

Carebears, if you're thinking of getting into an argument with an Agent of the New Order, I'd advise against it--unless you want to learn something. Our Agents have never lost a debate.

Poor Philip didn't even realize he was in the presence of a scholar. He didn't take advantage of the gift he'd been given. The carebear couldn't resist getting in the last word, though. Especially if the last word could be "asshole".

New Order guns reign over the asteroid belts and trade routes of highsec. But it's our Agents' brainpower that keeps empire space in line. Liek gave the carebear another lesson, reminding him of the importance of the risk/reward balance in EVE. Suicide gankers are essential. Philip, as you'd expect, wouldn't listen. He replied one more time:

True to his bot-aspirancy, Philip kept repeating the same mistake over and over. He couldn't expand his horizons beyond repetitive PvE and calling people assholes. If you've spent time in highsec, the interaction between Liek DarZ and Philip Elliades should have a familiar ring to it. It's a microcosm of the battle taking place. Code-violators keep losing, and CODE keeps winning--with style and class. If you've ever wondered why all the good people always end up on our side, what can I say? Birds of a feather flock together.

Friday, January 30, 2015

The Butterfly Effect, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... An unlikely sequence of events led to the destruction of stephen Kalkoken's Retriever--and an even unlikelier result: stephen refused to buy a mining permit because he harbored ambitions of becoming a New Order Agent. Would the foul-mouthed miner become the next big thing in Code enforcement, or would he return to his bad habits?

An hour later, stephen returned to his bad habits.

This time, the rebellious miner vented his anger in local chat. No longer did stephen enjoy the privacy and security of a New Order convo.

As the carebear continued to act out, it became clear what was the matter: stephen was displaying all the symptoms of a downward spiral.

Now that stephen had lost his Retriever, he felt he had nothing left to lose. How far would he sink before he hit bottom? A few minutes later, he sent Agent Liek DarZ a private message:

Like so many other post-gank carebears, stephen found himself at a crossroads. He would either buy a permit and turn things around... or the other thing would happen.

Without the carefully crafted boundaries established by the Code, stephen had no principles to guide or regulate his behavior. He was adrift, headed toward disaster.

One of the things that originally set these events in motion was a random wardec inflicted against stephen's corp. He had told everyone in the Mining channel that he was confident of victory, since he'd purchased a Corax. Surprising no one but himself, stephen managed to lose the war horribly. He surrendered the next day.

Our Agents feared that stephen's defeat in the war, and the loss of his corp, might send him further down the path to oblivion.

The newly corp-less stephen became incoherent. He never grew out of his habit of interjecting random words into a sentence.

In vino, veritas. The carebear finally admitted what everyone else already knew: He was indeed guilty of AFK mining. Would this confession of guilt lead to the most shocking conversion story in recent memory?

Incredibly, stephen pulled a 180 degree turn. He dropped the profanity and threats in favor of a defensive posture. Now stephen wanted to compromise--and suggested he might buy a permit after all.

Would stephen make a last-minute breakthrough and give our Agents the 10 million isk they so richly deserved? Or would he once again plumb the depths of bot-aspirancy and rebellion?

To be continued...

Two seconds ago, on MinerBumping... Miner stephen Kalkoken expressed a desire to make things right with the New Order.

...But then he returned to "normal".

Sadly, stephen remains adrift in a sea of confusion and self-destruction. Our Agents are busy patrolling highsec. They're constantly on the lookout for carebears in need of rescue. No matter what the odds, no matter what the cost, the Agents of the New Order will never give up.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Do I Need to Draw You a Picture?

The New Order is at the forefront of the movement to educate carebears. We understand that different people learn in different ways. That's why we attack (in a good way) a carebear's mind from every angle: With the written word, with spoken audio recordings, with videos, and, of course, with art.

Andouille Sausage is an accomplished artist. It's amazing to see how many paintings he can churn out. He's driven by the desire to rescue every last carebear in highsec.

To this day, some miners still complain that our Agents don't "warn" them before opening fire. Absurd.

Have you been infected by bot-aspirancy? Get yourself checked out.

Miners have a tendency to assume suicide ganks are something that happens to someone else. Don't be surprised when you end up in the crosshairs, miner. Our ranks grow every day.

The New Order: Merging the two and a half year tradition of the Code with cutting-edge modernity in the best possible way.

Excuses are classic signs of a Goofus. Don't be a Goofus.

There are two types of miner in highsec. One type gives our Agents 10 million isk, and the other type gives our Agents copious tears.

Highsec industrialists, join the winning team today!

Permanent links to all New Order artwork may be found on the Links page.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The Butterfly Effect, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... A series of chance encounters led to the destruction of stephen Kalkoken's Retriever. Agents Tisiphone Dira and loyalanon quickly convened an emergency summit with the miner to discuss the matter. In the face of overwhelming evidence, stephen strenuously maintained his innocence.

Our Agents were baffled by the miner's refusal to admit his guilt. stephen claimed to be totally Code-compliant, but he refused to buy a permit all the same.

As the emergency summit wore on, stephen became increasingly incoherent. He dropped random words into his sentences, apparently without any regard for their actual meanings.

Finally, stephen came back to the "I'm not new but I'm like a new player" defense. Agent Chocolate Mooses was called into the convo for assistance. Our Agents hoped that Chocolate's credibility and gravitas would give stephen an extra push toward the Code.

Yet stephen remained as stubborn as ever. Time was running out for the miner.

Despite all the hardships they'd endured during the convo, our Agents had hope. Chocolate Mooses lived up to his reputation.

A stray F-bomb made our Agents realize that stephen hadn't cursed for a while. The miner had indeed calmed down.

At last, stephen apologized for his conduct. He even admitted that he was incoherent. However, the miner was still hopelessly confused. Since when is "won't buy a mining permit" part of someone's nature? stephen wouldn't obey the Code because he was born that way?

stephen accepted his fate as a natural-born bot-aspirant. He knew it was the wrong path, but he couldn't depart from it. How depressing.

Then something truly unexpected occurred: In a shocking twist, stephen expressed an interest in joining the New Order. Or did he? The miner was still difficult to understand.

Incredibly, he confirmed that he had plans to become an Agent of CODE. Bizarrely, he felt that buying a mining permit would prevent him from doing so.

stephen had some warped ideas about the way the New Order works. And the image he had of himself was probably not very accurate.

Unwilling to buy a permit, there was nowhere left for the miner to go. He refused to speak further with the "lower ranking" members of the New Order. Instead, he would prove himself worthy of joining CODEdot by winning the wardec. Would stephen succeed in his new mission to become highsec's finest Agent? Or would his failures cause him to fully unleash his inner Goofus?

To be continued...

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

The Butterfly Effect, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... An extraordinary sequence of events--let's call it fate--delivered stephen Kalkoken into a private chat with the New Order. After stephen lost his untanked, unlicensed Retriever, he was fished out of the Mining channel by Agents Tisiphone Dira and loyalanon. Now he had the opportunity to live the true EVE experience.

Though stephen had been defiant in the Mining channel, he became much more docile once he was in a safe, Orderly environment.

Our Agents were willing to pardon stephen for his crimes if he behaved like a Gallant and paid the 30 million isk Red Pen fee he owed. stephen waited patiently as the Agents listed the peace terms. So far, so good.

But negotiations broke down when stephen offered an unrealistic counteroffer. This is why the New Order doesn't do counteroffers.

To prevent things from getting out of control, loyalanon followed the time-tested protocol of telling the miner to calm down. I've always found it strange that our critics accuse us of "harvesting tears" when we spend so much time trying to stop carebears from crying.

Both Agents instructed stephen not to produce tears. However, the miner only got more worked up about the Code. He insisted that he'd been following the Code without realizing it. This is, of course, impossible. How can you buy a mining permit without knowledge of the requirement?

Tisiphone knew the score, but stephen was sticking to his story. For now.

Gallant miners admit when they've made a mistake--especially after they've been caught red-handed. Goofuses only get themselves into more trouble. By this point in the conversation, our Agents began to suspect that they might be dealing with a Goofus.

Agents of the New Order are natural problem solvers; it's just the kind of people our organization attracts. Tisiphone recommended that stephen make up for his mistakes and obey the Code in the future. Most people would say that's a reasonable solution. stephen wasn't so sure. He even doubted whether the New Order's dominance over highsec is necessary. (Trust me, I've been to highsec, and it's very necessary.)

Confusion is a common symptom of bot-aspirancy. Despite having the peace terms laid out for him, stephen complained that no offer of peace had been given. Previously, he adamantly maintained his innocence. Now, however, he admitted "I don't follow your Code," while in the same sentence saying, "I don't naturally break any of your rules."

For a brief moment, stephen expressed an interest in joining the New Order. When he found out that we only take the best of the best, he knew it was hopeless.

The "innocent" act was wearing thin. Tisiphone listed a half-dozen Code violations on stephen's record. With his guilt established beyond question, it was time for stephen to choose whether he was going to live as a Gallant or die as a Goofus.

To be continued...