Tuesday, January 22, 2019

A Deal with Code

What happens to people who aren't good enough at mining to survive in lowsec?

alazarr3 lost a blingy Retriever in a 0.3 security system. Deciding that she wasn't cut out for a life of danger, alazarr3 retired to highsec.

...Where she was promptly ganked. Highsec can be dangerous, too--if you disobey the Code. What alazarr3 really needed was a mining permit.

Now we introduce our plot twist: alazarr3 had already made arrangements with the New Order. Or had she?

The miner sent a complaint letter to another Agent, Aiko Danuja. But things didn't stop there.

One of alazarr3's corpmates, dab dabonez, also claimed to have been punished despite owning a permit. He didn't lose his ship, but a quarter billion isk worth of blingy mining drones had been confiscated.

The situation was escalating rapidly. The New Order prides itself on its just, fair treatment of all those who own mining permits. Our Agents have a solid reputation--and the record to back it up. But now there was a case of multiple miners claiming that their permits weren't being honoured. A scandal of unprecedented scope was developing.

A special Blue Ribbon investigation was launched into the matter. Immediately it turned up red flags. dab dabonez's bio bragged about mining while intoxicated, which is strictly forbidden under the Code.

The corporation that both miners belonged to was also sketchy.

Agent Drugs McFarland credibly testified that one of the miners was using illegal drones--which was corroborated by dab's admission that he'd lost a quarter billion in drones.

Though the complaints continued to roll in, the crisis seemed to have passed. These were guilty, bot-aspirant miners. Their permits had been voided.

Case closed? Not quite. One of the miners still had one more thing to say. And she was not going to let her message be filtered through a chain of Agents. She sent it directly to the Saviour of Highsec:

alazzar threatened to spend 87 billion isk on mercenaries to wardec the mighty CODE. alliance. That wasn't something a Code-compliant miner would say.

No, these were the words of a Goofus.

And we all know what happens to Goofuses, don't we?

Monday, January 21, 2019

Sometimes the Drones Are Smarter Than the Miner

Agents of the New Order are exceptionally good at getting Code violators to admit their crimes. It's not always challenging, though.

Orca pilot Vazqez McLoud wasted no time in confessing his guilt.

The miner belonged to Clondike -entertainment and digging corp. When he met our Agent, Vazqez was less focused on entertainment than digging--a word Russian EVE players commonly use when referring to mining.

Agent Fate and Destiny planned to spend the day shooting some barges and exhumers; she didn't bring any Orca-removal equipment. So she did the next best thing and deleted the miner's drones.

Vazqez insisted that his mining operation was an emergency. He desperately needed to continue. But unless he got a permit, mining in highsec was completely out of the question.

The miner sent mixed signals. Something was getting lost in translation.

Watch this guy complain that "Nobody ever told me about the Code!" the next time he loses a mining ship.

Without his drones, Vazqez's Orca was a billion isk paperweight. The greedy miner floated in space, hoping for a solution that didn't involve opening his wallet.

Are mining permits a real thing? Agent Fate offered her credentials.

(Light Neutron Blaster II can vouch for Void S; they often collaborate on important projects.)

Vazqez had a strict policy against negotiating with terrorists. He felt he was honour bound to spend the day sitting in a neutered Orca.

Of course, Agent Fate had more important things to do than babysit a droneless Orca. While Vazqez stubbornly awaited some kind of credit for his lost drones, Fate moved on and continued to help save highsec. I leave it to the reader to decide who made better use of their time.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Kills of the Week

Carebears desperate for a reprieve from their years-long series of defeats at the hands of the New Order must be disappointed, for this week the New Order achieved yet another series of smashing victories against them. Well done Agents! Highlights from the week of January 13th @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 19th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

We've heard of miner logic, now witness Whiskylogic: This Goofus sent his jump freighter on autopilot into Uedama while it was being camped by the Kusion family. The result? Agents Jayden Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jack Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Josh Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Jessie Kusion, and IronWolf Tzestu feasted upon another juicy killmail. Anti-Ganking could not be reached for comment.

One imagines a corp-wide EVEmail being circulated in Bacon Farm. corporation: "Wardecs have been nerfed, making highsec 100% safe for our lame structures!" They got it wrong. More and more members of the mighty CODE. alliance have been getting in on the wardec action. This time, the war fleet was comprised of Agents commercial time, Eve Undergr0und, arkon trader, comet chaser, Pod-Goo Repairman, Aaaarrgg, Aaaarrggs Scout Alt, Pod-Goo Repoman, Hek Arbosa, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, zykerx, Mr Vrix, and Sorgia. Time for carebears to beg CCP to nerf wardecs again, eh?

As Kalidas Jason discovered, you can have all the warp core strength in the world, but you can never escape the Code. Agents Rungerd, Votre Dieu, Narl' Amhar, and Astrid Tyrfing brought a quartet of Tornadoes to the party and blapped Kalidas out of the sky.

Timbo Severasse put all of his faith in bling. I'm sure his Vindicator had impressive DPS--on paper. In action, the carebear could only dish out zero damage points per second. He was AFK at the time. Agents kali laska, Anya Kovalsky, KaMiKaDzExD, Alarik Maleus, Votre Dieu, Lovchi, Narl' Amhar, May Mather, Nam Plau, Astrid Tyrfing, Bastian Mart, and Sumail Serine were at their keyboards, giving them a decisive advantage in the battle.

Is this really your best, hellinore? If so, Agent Eva Mavas beat you at your best. If not, do better next time.

My advice: Focus on training your current pilot to be competent at something before you start training others. Oh, and get a permit for those Civilian mining lasers.

Hauling Dag must have been having an "off" day. What else can explain this embarrassing pod loss to Agents Colonel Catpetter and Lewak? (Answer: Hauling Dag is a bot-aspirant.)

People still buy Michi's Excavation Augmentors? I guess our Agents have no choice but to shoot every pod they see.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #175

One moment, please. I need to run this through Google Translate...
From: Poporvalkin
Sent: 2019.01.06 09:54
To: Overmind Niminen,

I hope your family will die of cancer on your hands scum
Ah, just as I thought: It's time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Silly miner. Carebears don't make our existence possible; the Code does. Besides, if it weren't for the Code, EVE would have died off years ago.

Judging by how often carebears violate the New Order Bathroom Protocol, I'd say consistently using a sandbox would be an improvement.

In fact, many Agents say the more exclamation points, the more likely a permit sale later on.

Hush, miner. My mother was a saint.

Be careful what you wish for.

Agent Minx Mattel was amazed to hear that a miner actually intended to get his revenge by attempting to PvP. But was it too good to be true?


Alas, too many miners refuse to shoot anything that doesn't yield ice or ore.

Honeybright corporation ganked a 3 billion isk Golem, only to have their accounts threatened. Our Agents' accounts never get deleted by carebears, but carebears get their ships deleted by Agents every day.

I'll get right on it.

You gotta love those conspiracy theorists. However, the true nature of the Saviour of Highsec is easy enough to understand:

And just imagine the power once you get well-practiced at saying it!

Friday, January 18, 2019

Where Do Bots Come From?

For the past few months, much of the EVE community has voiced its outrage at the bots who plague our beloved virtual galaxy--and at the failure of CCP to do anything about them. Curiously, even some high-profile botters like the notorious Nyx bots have been reportedly reappearing after taking short breaks from the game. This has led to widespread speculation that botters have been receiving only temporary bans, or in some cases no bans at all.

It's true that CCP needs to do a better job of banning bots, even if that results in a lower logged-in player statistic. Regardless of whether CCP is unable or unwilling to remove the bots from EVE, CCP is not the only guilty party here. When it comes to botting, those with the greatest degree of guilt are the botters themselves. Botters knowingly and intentionally violate the Code.

Most people shrug their shoulders when they hear talk about the botters' guilt, or punishing the botters, or--heaven forbid--teaching the botters to embrace the Code. "What good does it do to speak of such things?" they ask. "Botters aren't even people. They're machines."

Is it true? If so, one might say the same thing about bot-aspirant miners or autopiloters who, like the bots, barely interact with the EVE client. As I have said for many years now, the only difference between a botter and a bot-aspirant is a few mouse-clicks per hour.

Yet we have a different image in our mind when we think of the botters, don't we? In the popular imagination, botters are from Russia or China or some other place where they don't use our alphabet. We see in our mind's eye a bunch of computers sitting in an empty room, or a sweatshop. We imagine the botters spitting out Cyrillic "moonspeak" when they discover their fleet of Mackinaws has been destroyed. To our eyes, that's not so different from a series of 1's and 0's streaming out of the botter's program itself.

All of this has a dehumanizing effect. The man behind the bot is distant not only from his keyboard, but from us. Botters come from some faraway place.

But do you realize, friend, that this is exactly what the botters want us to think? No one does more to promote the stereotypical view of the botter than the bots and bot-aspirants themselves. Consider the implication: If the bots are all operating out of some dimly lit Chinese warehouse, then they're not being run by the English-speaking miner in the asteroid belt next door.

Dear reader, the truth is that the botters are among us. They're in our midst. They've been staring you right in the face. Today's petulant gank recipient, who vows revenge from inside a station, is tomorrow's botter. Indeed, some of the chattiest miners are the future customers of macro sellers.

"Bot-aspirant" isn't just some strange-sounding term that we all use out of habit. It describes, in a very precise way, the condition of the typical AFK miner. Yes, typical. Potential botters are all around us.

Put the stereotypes aside. You know what the average bot-user looks like? He--or she--looks very much like the average bot-aspirant. That's where bots come from. They're absolutely ordinary EVE players whose bot-aspirancy was allowed to persist for too long.

The life-cycle of the bot: They join EVE as new players with visions of spaceship combat dancing in their heads. For various reasons, they put their dreams aside and spend their time slowly grinding isk in highsec. Unable to come up with a way to make money more quickly, they instead focus on making their isk-grinding more efficient. Little by little, they automate their activities and minimize their interaction with the game. They grow to envy the bots more and more until one day--poof!--they take the plunge and install a botter program.

The EVE community's hatred of bots is ironic, for many of those same people also hate the mighty CODE. alliance for daring to gank bot-aspirants. They might as well say, "Kill all the cane toads, yes, we hate them--but don't you touch the tadpoles."

One cannot fight the bots without first understanding the truth of who they are and where they come from. Once you understand these things, the solution becomes obvious: the Code!

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Over One Trillion Seven Hundred One Billion in Shares Sold

When carebears think about EVE--if they put any thought into the game at all--they tend to think in terms of things like yield, isk per hour ratios, and the like. Even many nullsec PvP'ers get caught in the trap of putting excessive focus on min-maxing stuff. That may work on paper, but EVE is not played on paper. There are many other, more important factors to consider. For example, the New Order is the #1 organization in the game when it comes to courage, honour, etc.

And then there's destiny. It plays a big role, too.

Here's the proof: Einath Onisoma, who joined the ranks of New Order shareholders with a purchase of just 10 shares, took us past the 1,691 billion isk mark by one share. Extraordinary timing--or fate? I'm guessing it was simply Einath's destiny to earn a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Good for you, Einath.

Now for the other extreme.

The The Lawton School for Pubbies Who Can't Mine Good took the bull (market) by the horns and purchased in bulk: 10,215 additional shares, to be precise. Talk about making your own luck! The Lawton School's purchase took us past the 1,692, 1,693, 1,694, 1,695, 1,696, 1,697, 1,698, 1,699, 1,700, and 1,701 billion isk marks, earning that prestigious institution a Decuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

This was a big move. The Lawton School now owns 23,315 shares, making it the 10th biggest shareholder of all time.

Oh, and one other point of interest: We have now sold over 1.7 trillion isk worth of shares! Congratulations are in order.


Agent Drugs McFarland directed me to this video, inspired both by the movie "Fight Club" and the Code:

The Code indeed has a freeing effect. Just ask any carebear who earned a negative security status for the first time.

As always, you can find links to New Order artwork on the Links page.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Four Autopiloters You'll Meet in Highsec, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Grateful gank recipients thanked our Agents for ganking their autopiloting pods. They confessed their crimes and promised henceforth to obey the Code.

"But James 315," you say. "I thought we were going to look at four different categories of autopiloters. It even says so in the title of the post. So how, then, are we on Part 5?"

Read on.

Not all of the tearmails sent in by gank recipients fall into one of the four "buckets" we looked at in earlier editions of this series.

Should they be taken as signs of creativity or originality? No. These strange shapes are merely the malformed detritus of carebear "thought"--such as it is.

The tearmails we're looking at today don't go into one of the four buckets; they go into the litterbox.

Tearmails written in broken English usually fall into this category--even if you can assemble the vague outlines of the carebear's muddled thoughts.

But it's not about the type of language used, or the carebear's grammar. Tearmails are produced by the carebear's emotions. They're like little sparks that shoot out when a carebear's pod explodes.

One might assume that all such tearmails are fragmented in this way. But as I said, it's not the style--it's the substance that's half baked. See below:

So many words, so little wisdom. A simple "I promise to be better, 10 mill is enclosed" would've been a better choice.

At the core of the Goofus is his belief--fueled by selfish emotions rather than reason--that the destruction of his pod is someone else's fault. All too often, he blames the ganker.

"You defeated me in PvP, so you must be a bad person."

What the carebear should be thinking is, "You defeated me in PvP, so I must have violated the Code. Now it's my job to make amends. GF."

The carebear's ideas are bad, but so are his emotions. He shouldn't be upset to lose a pod while autopiloting, no matter how expensive his implants were. He loses his Capsule, but he gains an audience with a legend: an Agent of the New Order! Carebears, the EVE that our Agents can show you is worth far more than your implants. Listen to ganker.