Monday, July 31, 2017

Nutter Rising

Every teardrop has a story.

Highsec whiner/miner Nutterbut appeared on an edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag. He didn't tell me his story, but I could tell he'd been forced to take a bite of a Code sandwich. And that he didn't like it.

Sure enough, Nutterbut had been punished for violating the Code in a fail-fit Mackinaw. Despite playing EVE for the last 8 years, Nutterbut couldn't come up with a decent Mackinaw fit (if there is such a thing). Although poorly fit, the killmail screenshot doesn't explain why the Mack was worth over 700 million isk.

Yes, that's nearly half a billion isk in strip miners--sitting in the cargo bay.

Lingmei White was one of several Agents whose patrol was responsible for handling the Nutterbut matter. After reading the Highsec Miner Grab Bag, he gave me a detailed report of the incident.

Nutterbut had pretended to be ignorant of the Code in his EVEmails to me, but in fact he'd received plenty of info from Lingmei. He replied with a level of hostility typical of carebears whose AFK slumber was disturbed.

After Lingmei sent him more Code-related materials, Nutterbut quickly started catching up. Now he was only three years behind.

Even so, progress was slow. In the brief moment that Nutterbut contemplated parting with 10 million isk, he became enraged. What a greedy little miner.

Nutterbut ranted about an alleged requirement of New Order Agents to put something about the Code in their bio. The hypocrite never put a mining permit in his own bio, though. (In fact, Agent Lingmei did have a link to the Code in his bio.)

More than a day after being ganked, Nutterbut finally started reading the informational EVEmails that Lingmei had given him. He was outraged to discover that he'd been cited for carrying ORE Strip Miners; he couldn't see how that was a violation of the Code.

Miners, this is another reason why you need to read MinerBumping every day--and read all the posts you've missed so far. Although there are over 2,200 published MinerBumping posts, you'd be amazed at how quickly you can read them all. Especially if you happen to work in an office.

Nutterbut still hasn't purchased a mining permit. His future in EVE remains in doubt, but the victory of the Code is a certainty.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Kills of the Week

"Don't pay for a mining permit," the rebels advise their fellow carebears--as if ten million isk is expensive. In fact, a New Order mining permit puts money right back into the wallet of the person who buys one. It saves money. How much money, you ask? Look no further than these kills from the week of July 23rd @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 29th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Yeah, no sense burying the lede here. Bill Haley suffered a catastrophic loss of over 62 billion isk when his anti-tanked freighter waddled into the historic Kamio system. The spirit of the Code struck him down. Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Aruka, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector HongMei, Trump The King, Taxman Daniel, unknown boat, Giselle Rozei, Tawny Rozei, Sherri Rozei, Shanade Rozei, Ruby Rozei, Christine Rozei, and Harletta Quinn proved once again the extraordinary vitality of the mighty CODE. alliance.

Several years ago, autopiloting shuttles were among the most common sights in highsec. Then highsec was graced with the light of the Code, which reduced the autopiloting shuttles to a tiny percentage of their former population. So Calla Panala wasn't exactly getting safety in numbers when he hauled his 20.7 billion isk cargo in a shuttle. In fact, Agent Ralliana found him to be a highly conspicuous target.

A library of skillbooks and 18.7 billion isk worth of skill injectors were engulfed in flames. What a Goofus.

iceberserker's Iteron Mark V was fail-fit, there's no question about that. It was also in the wrong place at the wrong time: The wrong place being highsec, the wrong time being when Agent Ralliana was on duty. Our heroine blapped the carebear and another 6.3 billion isk was removed from enemy hands.

Decadence kills.

You'd think freighter pilots would be more cautious when they get near Uedama, but no. Stilgar XXX managed to lose a freighter worth 8.4 billion isk. His punishment was delivered by Agents Trump The King, Taxman Daniel, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector HongMei, Tawny Rozei, Sherri Rozei, Christine Rozei, Lagatha Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Ruby Rozei, and Harletta Quinn. I think we can all agree that the punishment was richly deserved.

If anyone noticed a blip in the Navy Cap Booster market this week, there you go.

What are these miners thinking? wizprang58 blinged out his Mackinaw and headed for the nearest ice anomaly. Luckily, Agents Slutzilla, D34dly D34dly, and Larsulrik Napsterbane were monitoring the situation. ORE Ice Harvesters, what a joke.

Things only got worse for wizprang58 when his Mackinaw was cracked open. Agent Slutzkilla snatched the mad miner's pod, which was worth 2.5 billion isk.

wizprang58 liked to think of himself as a Crystal set, but deep down he was just a Mining Foreman Mindlink.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 7

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned steamrolled Mission Ready Mining, a corporation that theoretically had 2,400+ members to drawn upon. MRM resorted to calling in help from several highsec PvP outfits, including the dreaded Vendetta Mercenary Group. War was imminent.

Unlike Mission Ready Mining, which wardecced Kalorned's gank alt corp, Vendetta Mercenary Group did its research. They correctly identified the corporation that Kalorned was a member of and declared war.

In less than 24 hours, the mercs would be able to freely attack Kalorned's bumping Orthrus. In the meantime, each side positioned its chess pieces and prepared to strike.

Vendetta Mercenary Group's preparations consisted of accusing Kalorned of breaking the EULA. The accusation spread like wildfire in Mission Ready Mining circles, which had long suspected our Agent of cheating somehow.

The carebears and their hired guns grilled Kalorned in local. If they could get a confession on the record and petition CCP, maybe Kalorned would be banned before the wardec went live. It was the safest approach.

Our hero toyed with the miners by switching to each of his gank alts and having them say something in local one after the other.
RM24 > I don't think any human can alt tab that fast
Kalorned > RM24 yeah your probably right
Kalorned > you would have to be a super human
RM24 > I'm either right or wrong... so what is it?
RM24 > I'm right that no human can alt tab that fast
The MRM miners were now certain that Kalorned had gained an unfair advantage over them. It was the only explanation for their staggering defeats thus far--since they did not yet believe in the power of the Code.

Despite the persistence of MRM's interrogators, Kalorned managed to avoid giving them a smoking gun. He was one slippery Orthrus pilot, that Kalorned.

RM24 felt confident that he was closing in, but he never quite managed to close the deal. MRM and Vendetta Mercenary Group's pre-war strategy had failed. Worse yet, they were unaware that Kalorned was quietly maneuvering to checkmate them.

Kalorned won the war against Vendetta Mercenary Group by dissolving and immediately re-forming his corporation. This tactic was long considered an exploit by CCP. But several years ago, in a desperate attempt to garner favor among carebears, CCP changed the rule. Highsec carebears had begged CCP for total immunity from wardecs, and the corp reboot tactic did the trick--for smaller corps, at least. The Agents of the New Order love to turn the carebears' own weapons against them, and as Kalorned's employment history shows, he frequently did so.
lil Pheonix > Kalorned rip closed corp again
lil Pheonix > VMG wins again
lil Pheonix > VMG WINS AGAIN!
lil Pheonix > Kalorned every time you close corp
lil Pheonix > I win
Mission Ready Mining had hired Vendetta Mercenary Group to put a stop to Kalorned's bumping campaign. Unfortunately, they only succeeded in wasting a wardec fee. True to form, the highsec mercenaries immediately declared that their contract was fulfilled.

The next day, Kalorned and his gank alts returned to the Gelhan system. One of the MRM miners, Menomine Hekki, ominously declared that something would happen in three hours.

She was referring to the wardec against the gank alt corporation. MRM's alliance, Fly Fearless, had declared war the day before, and the war was set to go live in just three hours.

Since all of its members were at -10 security status, Kalorned hadn't bothered to reboot the gank alt corp. Yet the pilots of MRM acted like they were certain that the war would change everything. Did the carebears have something up their sleeves--something Kalorned didn't anticipate? Or would they simply fail again?

To be continued...

Friday, July 28, 2017

Over One Trillion Two Hundred Six Billion in Shares Sold

Pow! There it is.

Black Pedro kept the spirit of EVE alive with his purchase of an additional 1,000 shares. Said purchase sent us past the 1,205 billion isk mark, but more importantly, it was made with pure intentions. That's the real reason Black Pedro earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Another milestone reached: zyk0 purchased his first 1,000 shares, thereby sending us past the 1,206 billion isk mark. But zyk0 didn't earn a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Are you awake and fully alert, dear reader? These posts don't contain boilerplate, no matter how often we pass a billion isk mark. If you weren't paying close attention, reread the previous paragraph, because something unprecedented occurred here.

At the very moment I was processing new share purchases, I saw an unusual event unfolding live in MinerBumping chat.

A freighter belonging to zyk0 had just been destroyed! Controversy ensued.

zyk0 was a new shareholder. I mean, he was really new--brand ganking new.

I had a hunch about what was going on. Agents of the New Order, always trust your hunches. They're practically facts.

zyk0 immediately confessed that his purchase of 1,000 shares occurred after his freighter started getting bumped.

As always, perfect justice prevailed. Everyone walked away happy. zyk0 was allowed to keep his shares, but he didn't get a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ due to the circumstances surrounding the purchase.

In a world where the powerful are so often marked by corruption and incompetence, it's nice to see a regime where everything goes the way it's supposed to. Simply put, the Code works.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned launched a campaign to enforce the Code in the Gelhan system, which was infested by miners from the gargantuan Mission Ready Mining corporation. Kalorned easily took over the system and the MRM miners scattered like cockroaches. But soon MRM called in support from friendly PvP alliances in the area, including Vendetta Mercenary Group.
Pheonix Jr > lol
Pheonix Jr > ur bad
Pheonix Jr > leave tether you sackless mongoloid
Kalorned > Only once you learn some manners young man
Pheonix Jr > grow a pair vagina
Pheonix Jr of Vendetta Mercenary Group demanded that Kalorned face him in a duel. Our Agent already told him about the three Tests in the Code, but Pheonix wasn't interested.
Kalorned > You of course will also have to demonstrate your honor as previously noted
Pheonix Jr > Kalorned too come up with meaningless excuses to avoid fights
Beers OfWar > but im guessing you'd rage hard if you lost that orthrus
Beers OfWar > it would explain why you're such a puss with it
Kalorned > ya'll are doing great
Beers OfWar > ur garbage bro its okay
The altercation in local attracted a crowd. They insisted that Kalorned stop bumping miners and engage in PvP on their own terms. Otherwise they would subject our Agent to dire consequences: More insults in local chat.
Kalorned > No one ever wants to finish one of the three tests to duel? why is that
Kalorned > Kalorned can only guess that everyone is lazy
Ozora Tsasa > no, we just dont like bully fucks picking on our miners. GTFO
Beers OfWar > allow duals ye pussy
Beers OfWar > defend your honor
The insults and tears weren't effective, so Kalorned's challengers resorted to a strategy that one might call "hostile begging".
Uber Fackerie > the 3 tests that james 315 created because he knew that new order plebs lacked sufficient skill. These tests were made so that members had a way out of legitimate pvp
Uber Fackerie > FACT
Kalorned > Just complete the test then
Pheonix Jr > fckin pleb
Beers OfWar > still sais pussy when i dual request you
Kalorned > You may need a new video card
Kalorned brushed off the nonsense. After years of dealing with Code violators, he was used to it.
Beers OfWar > get rekt by this brutix plebian so i can move this shit talk to comments sextion of Zkill
Uber Fackerie > oh it definitely says pussy
Uber Fackerie > CCP actually coded it in for all new order RP fuckbags
Beers OfWar > defend your honor swine
Our Agent identified a representative of yet another mercenary alliance: Uber Fackerie was a member of Short Bus Mercenaries. How many organizations were affiliated with Mission Ready Mining?
Beers OfWar > who the fuck wont fight a brutix with an orthrus
Beers OfWar > if i were in an orthrus getting dualed by a brutix i would totes demolish said brutix
Beers OfWar > 2007 and this garbage at eve
Beers OfWar > he has been playing 15$ a month since 2007 to be the most risk adverse plebian iv met lol
MRM and its friends were powerless to stop Kalorned from bumping and ganking. They were equally powerless to persuade him to abandon the Code. Time for a new approach:

Fly Fearless, the alliance that Mission Ready Mining belongs to, initiated a wardec. Kalorned was now at war with over 2,400 pilots.

...Actually, that's not totally accurate. The New Order Gamis Affiliates was the corp that Kalorned's gank alts belonged to. Kalorned himself, who did all the bumping, was a member of a different corporation, Psychedelic Llamas. Thus, MRM had paid for a war with a corp filled with -10 security status Catalyst pilots. As for Kalorned, they could only give him the carebear stare.
Kalorned > o/ Lurswena Ice - You will need a permit to mine tonight
Lurswena Ice > Kalorned yeah, then come gank me
Lurswena Ice > or wait Im to fat for you! :D
Lurswena Ice > this is boring.. I guess will go sleep
The next day, Kalorned returned to the Gelhan belts and bumped as usual. One by one, the MRM miners "got bored", "were full", or suddenly "felt like doing something else".
Kalorned > o/ Ragnar gunn Alexander - you will need a mining permit to mine tonight
Klarice Bloodborne > lul, permit my nuts.
Justin Enderas > Oooh, Kalorned is here :o
Kalorned > o/
Kalorned > o/ Belshil Ataru You need a mining permit to mine tonight
Bumping is a great way to induce denial in a carebear. They simply can't believe that a bumper can stop them from mining. It doesn't make sense to them. This can cause a miner to become even more disconnected from reality than usual:
Slippy Nip > guess he doesnt
Slippy Nip > Seems to mining fine atm
Slippy Nip > You shouldnt be trying to show authority when you have none kid
Kalorned > Do go on, I'm interested to hear more about how one mines while docked
Slippy Nip went into denial. He claimed that bumping didn't do anything, and he pretended that MRM was still happily mining away in Gelhan.
Slippy Nip > go check the belts mate
Kalorned > checked
Slippy Nip > just because you chase one or two miners away doesnt mean theyre not instantly replaced by others
Kalorned > Ai, look at all the replacements here
In fact, Gelhan's ice anomaly and all of its asteroid belts were now empty of miners. Kalorned admired the newly Code-compliant system.

Behind the scenes, the members of MRM were furious. This "Code" business had gone on long enough. They urged their mercenary friends to declare war on Kalorned's corp.

To be continued...

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Bombshell, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bellatrix Invicta ganked Wayndre Anzari, who claimed to be a new player. A quick check of Wayndre's employment history revealed that he had over six years in the game. When challenged on this, Wayndre declared that the Code was invalid because the Saviour of Highsec was permabanned from EVE.

Our Agents typically shrug off claims that I'm banned from the game; carebears have been proclaiming my ban since the earliest days of the New Order. But this time was different: Wayndre had 14 different sources all reporting that I was banned. CCP developers themselves had also gone on the record confirming the ban.

Clearly, if 14 different sources all agree on something, there must be some truth to it. Bellatrix remained skeptical, however. After all, there's rarely any truth to what highsec miners say.

Wayndre produced his first source, an article from The Eve Onion--a satirical fake news site authored by Agent Tubrug1. Wayndre was off to a rocky start.

The miner's next source was from a Reddit post, which linked to an article I wrote for At the beginning of the article, I mentioned that I'd been wrongfully permabanned back in 2006, that I'd petitioned it, and that CCP lifted the ban after a week. The EVE subreddit inadvertently trolled itself by linking the article with an announcement that I'd been permabanned.

By now, Wayndre was getting desperate. His next "article" came from the EVE forums:

The EVE-O post was actually just a miner's rant that made no mention of any bans.

Upon inspection, Wayndre's fourteen sources turned out to be just three, none of which survived any scrutiny. Wayndre made a strategic withdrawal.

Earlier, Wayndre said that CCP made a public declaration of my ban and the reasons for it. That post never materialized. The miner wasn't interested in talking about the ban rumors anymore.

Faced with a non-banned organization led by a non-banned leader, Wayndre had no choice but to plead for mercy.

Bellatrix tried to reason with the miner and give him a way out. Unfortunately, the carebear only incriminated himself further.

Enough with the resistance nonsense. It was time for Wayndre to get right with the Code.

Bellatrix was baffled. Hadn't this miner just been talking about my alleged ban? In fact, Wayndre was being honest for the first time: He didn't know me at all. If he did, he would obey my Code.

Wayndre felt helpless. Agents of the New Order are too good at elite PvP. They're unbeatable.

Bellatrix offered Wayndre one final olive branch, but the miner turned up his nose and terminated the convo. In his last words, Wayndre threatened to report Bellatrix to CCP. Will she be banned? I guess we'l find out.