Thursday, October 31, 2013

Trick or Treat

It's rare to get "live" artwork, but this Halloween, Erotica 1 delivers MinerBumping a carving of "a sad, noncompliant miner sitting next to his wreck":

Delightful and holiday-themed, but more importantly, a piece of artwork with the ring of truth to it. Friends, don't forget your mining permit when you go out. It's even more dangerous than trick-or-treating in an all-black costume at night.

Permanent links to all supporter artwork may be found on the Links page.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #45

Edition forty-five and it's still alive. Let's start this Grab Bag out right: How did carebear Reaver Revaer react to losing his mining vessel?

...Not particularly well. Some miners are smart enough to get a permit after their first gank, but others have more issues to work through.

The rebels instinctively dislike the joy shown by Agents of the New Order each day. If we're celebrating ourselves on MinerBumping, it's only because that's what people do when they enjoy a victory. It's not our fault that we have a constant series of victories every day.

Someone forgot to tell grand admiral PWN that we retired the "I wasn't AFK, I was just..." square on the Miner Bingo board last year. As for our competition, I'd direct him to them, but we don't have any.

The name of James 315 provokes many different reactions in highsec. Most of them are good. Some, less so. It remains the most effective litmus test in EVE today.

Cash West asked me to take pity on new EVE players. But that's exactly what we're doing. The real new players--not the "new players" who have been playing for five years--catch on quickly, because the tentacles of bot-aspirancy haven't gripped them so tightly yet. Case in point: I'm pleased to report that Cash West purchased a mining permit a few days after sending me this EVEmail.

Contrary to rebel gossip, I was not intoxicated when I wrote the Code. In fact, I've never seen things so clearly.

MedicineMan Huren opted against going the Reaper Revaer route, so he kept his tears short and sweet. Thanks for taking it easy on our bandwidth, MedicineMan.

According to the official EVE website, "ISK Spamming" is when RMT'ers advertise their services. Unlike some other organizations I could mention, the New Order opposes RMT with all of its power. CCP would have an easier time tracking down RMT'ers if the "report isk spam" feature weren't being abused so frequently by the rebels.

I'm not sure what pomka17's EVEmail meant, but it didn't come enclosed with 10 million isk, so he's still fair game.

DK Duncan is right about one thing: In EVE, you never stop losing ships. That's because EVE is a spaceship combat game. Only fly what you can afford to lose, or purchase an Invincible Stabber.

I'm widely credited with keeping it real. As the Saviour of Highsec, reality maintenance is one of my most important jobs.

I'm not sure if Heavy Rayne had any skillpoints left after being podded "81 times", but I was happy to read his EVEmail and wished him the best of luck, retroactively...

...Alas, it was not meant to be. Erotica 1 explained:

Though Erotica 1 would love the publicity that comes from someone winning big in a bonus round, she respects the EULA too much to let an admitted account-sharer win. That's exactly the kind of integrity you'd expect from the New Order's biggest shareholder.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

James 315 Sends His Regards, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Zazz Razzamatazz conducted routine Code enforcement in Halaima. Fellow Agents ganked a mouthy miner named Arnisador. When Zazz moved on to bump rebel Menja Long, she threatened him with a petition.

Meanwhile, Arnisador returned to the ice anomaly in a Deimos. He gave Zazz the carebear stare.
Zazz Razzamatazz > Oh no, yellowboxed!!!
Arnisador > more than you did pussy
Zazz Razzamatazz > And what are you accomplishing?
Arnisador > annoying your stupid ass
Zazz Razzamatazz > Not really, kind of like having a groupie following me around
Arnisador > sure....the PW groupie
Zazz Razzamatazz > Menja Long you'll need a permit to resume mining
Zazz was focused on his goal of bumping Menja. To his surprise, Arnisador accidentally bumped Menja with his Deimos.
Zazz Razzamatazz > Arnisador thank you for bumping him for me
Arnisador > whats it like to be the slow kid in class zazz?
Arnisador > and this idiot is still bumping
Menja Long > I am making a ticket as we speak as isk spamming is a voliation or it would be an option when bringing up player info
Menja was determined to get Zazz and the rest of the New Order banned for "isk spamming". Because when people think of RMT, they think of the New Order, right?
Zazz Razzamatazz > Menja Long you can't escape with stolen ice
Arnisador > got other belts to mine....see ya fuck face
Zazz Razzamatazz > Pay 10mil for a permit
Menja Long > don't worry he will not have his account much longer
Zazz Razzamatazz > Arnisador o/
Arnisador > as i said...stuff it your ass
Zazz Razzamatazz > I'm sure we'll run into each other again
Menja Long > he has wasted about 2 hours of my game time as it takes me time to come here just to deal with players who are cluseless
Eventually, Arnisador had to concede that yellowboxing Zazz with a Deimos wasn't very productive. Menja's mining was becoming less productive, too, since she was bumped out of range.
Menja Long > For those of you mining and fell as I do that what is being done at this moment falls within the non-harrestment rule please submit a ticket as I just did. If players allowed to keep doing this type of thing the game will not be playable
Zazz Razzamatazz > Menja Long it's not harrasment. I'm providing a valuable service
Zazz Razzamatazz > for a profit
Menja sounded the call for all rebels in system to join her petition against the New Order. Just like a space lawyer, Menja assumed that hers would be the first anti-Order petition to be granted.
Zazz Razzamatazz > Kill: Arnisador (Mackinaw) :)
Capt Bloodykirk > its like obama taking credit for Osama bin Ladin
Arnisador > ooooooh ... i killed a mackinaw... shit... you guy guys are retarded
Arnisador > shut the fuck up
Kasmire Long > he probilly was flying the Mack with an alt so he could be brave enough to kill it so to try and impress others!
Arnisador > as i said before PW ....fuck off!!!
Zazz Razzamatazz > Arnisador as I said before, buy a permit!
To reinforce his claim to authority, Zazz waved the Arnisador killmail in local. Capt Bloodykirk objected that one Agent shouldn't take credit for another Agent's kills. But from the perspective of the New Order, all such kills are made in the name of the Code. To paraphrase the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior, justice anywhere is a help to justice everywhere.
kate Kafshaz > im going to put this as simple for you tards to understand......FUCK YOUR PERMITS
Zazz Razzamatazz > "Without rules, there is no such thing as freedom. By enforcing a system of just laws, I give the miners liberation from their own worst instincts. And through this process, the miners can be molded into better people,
Zazz Razzamatazz > the kind worthy of joining the new community of EVE. I'm no idealist to believe, firmly, in the integrity of the Code and the New Order of Highsec. It's no ideal to me: It is a living, working reality." James 315
kate Kafshaz > rules and laws are meant to be broken
Zazz Razzamatazz > I am off- obey the Code!o/
kate Kafshaz > fuck the code!
Satisfied that justice was done, Zazz took his leave and wished the miners well. But he decided to give a parting gift to Menja Long:

With bounties affixed to Menja's characters, she rebel was put on notice. Would she receive the notice gracefully?

Menja noticed the bounties and sent Zazz a curt EVEmail from her alt, Kasmire Long. The bounties were small, but they were enough to convince Menja that Zazz would ruin EVE for everyone.

Zazz was too busy helping Menja to be offended by her nonsense. To aid her in remembering to purchase a permit, he concluded his reply with a catchy little jingle: "Don't be an AFK hermit, read the Code and buy a permit!"

Hours later, Menja was still livid and let Zazz know it. But she also let him know about something she didn't intend to. The reference to "pulling down POS's" piqued Zazz's curiosity.

One locator agent later, Zazz set eyes on a tower of bot-aspirancy. When Zazz looked upon it, he knew in his heart what needed to be done.

To be continued...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Hunt for the Truth, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... This happened:

If this were a movie or TV show, I might have said something to alexhunter seyah like, "There! That's the first honest thing you've said to me." But this isn't a movie or a TV show. This is real life.

Errant carebears are like my children. So I treat them as such. And sometimes, with enough counseling, they begin to treat me like the Father of the New Order that I am. I had a heart-to-heart with alexhunter, and he was finally starting to open up.

He claimed to have only 9 million isk in his wallet. Not enough for a mining permit, but that didn't mean he couldn't make a contribution to the New Order.

I don't need to "sell" New Order shares. I just describe them in the most matter-of-fact manner possible and they sell themselves.

alexhunter may have slightly overestimated the size of my wallet. I'm the Saviour of Highsec, not the SOMER of Blink.

There was no denying it--my Agents did alexhunter a world of good when they arranged our introduction. In highsec these days, when your mining vessel is on fire, that's kind of like a "meet-cute".

Still, alexhunter was set on getting more money. Which was weird, because it's what you'd expect from a bot-aspirant, not a repentant miner.

The great thing about emergent gameplay is that it doesn't necessarily cost money. Even someone with a trial account can wander around trade hubs in a rookie ship and help spread the Code.

Another sign of a bot-aspirant: He felt entitled to get something for nothing. What alexhunter didn't understand is that it's not worth it to try joining the New Order when you haven't repaid your debts. It's just awkward. Our Agents get itchy trigger-fingers when someone like that is around.

alexhunter was having difficulty maintaining the fa├žade. It was time to cut him loose.

Though alexhunter objected that I hadn't given him any free money, I'd given him all he really needed. It was up to him to use it. Instead, he decided to join a convo with the Agents who had previously killed him...

Would our heroes have any more luck than I did?

alexhunter revealed that his mind had indeed been infected by doubts spread by rebels.

But just as our Agents started to answer his questions, alexhunter suddenly cut out of the conversation.

Back when alexhunter was first ganked by the New Order, his bio contained a list of two "rules of EVE". After the latest encounter, he added a few more:

...It seems alexhunter seyah still has a lot to learn.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Mining While Intoxicated

Whenever I see a miner with a microwarpdrive fitted to his ship, I have to ask myself: What is he running from?

Montreux Omega found himself bumped and ganked for his crimes against highsec. The loss of his Retriever was quickly followed by the loss of his 334 million isk pod.

Agents Agent 057 and xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 are accustomed to dealing with grouchy miners, but this time they lucked out. Montreux was a member of a corporation called "Calm Is King". This miner, at least, wouldn't lack self-control. Right?
Agent 057 > We are here to help you.
Montreux Omega > i flew a skiff for the longest time
Montreux Omega > BORING
Dal4 > Protection money to thugs is BS.
Agent 057 > I don't want you to lose another 400 mill . . . just buy a permit from me for ten mill.
Montreux Omega > fuck permits, i got this game by the balls
Agent 057 > What about the 300 mill plus pod?
Montreux Omega > the pod sucks, but fuck you
Montreux had no excuse for flying a poorly-tanked ship. He was "bored" of Skiffs, with their extra EHP and such.
Agent 057 > Again . . . a simple permit would have avoided this issue.
Montreux Omega > keep tabs on me, ill b out here tommorow
Montreux Omega > gank me again you low life
Agent 057 > Okay . . . I hope you have implants again.
Montreux Omega > you succubus
Montreux Omega > i risk while all the other high sec faggots calculate
It's not every day a miner calls one of our Agents a "succubus". But Montreux's creativity didn't end there: He claimed that as a rebellious highsec miner, he was the risk-taker, because the rest of highsec calculates the economic sense of owning a permit.
Agent 057 > I stand ready to accept your 10 million isk payment for a proper mining permit.
Montreux Omega > fuck eve
Montreux Omega > im the reall miner
Montreux Omega > i risk
Montreux Omega > i am OMEGA
Montreux Omega > i am the rest of what you dont know
Montreux Omega > i am the life you cannot believe
Agent 057 > Do you have ten million isk?
At this point, our heroes began to suspect that Montreux's unusual thought-patterns might have been sparked by a mind-expanding substance.
Montreux Omega > FUCK EVERYONE
Montreux Omega > BECAUSE RISK IS FUN
Montreux Omega > TILL DEATH
Montreux Omega > AND USHER IN A NEW AGE
Montreux Omega > OF MINER FREEDOM
Montreux Omega > GANK ME AGAIN
Montreux Omega > GANK ME TOMORROW
Agent 057 > Are you drinking Vodka tonight?
Montreux Omega > takila
Montreux Omega > however you spell it...
Finally, he confessed that his anti-Order activities were fueled not by rage, but by tequila. This might be considered a good sign, in a way. Tomorrow he would be sober (hopefully). By contrast, the rebels who are intoxicated by anger remain angry.
Helpme2000 Phai7 > i wana know how you can even be that drunk and still mine
Montreux Omega > one day
Montreux Omega > when i am sober
Montreux Omega > and i have my EWAR frig sittting 200k from your ass
Montreux Omega > i will FUCKKKKKKKK your gajnik ship
Montreux Omega > & miners EVERYWHERE will sleep in peace
Nevertheless, Montreux vowed revenge. It would be revenge at a distance--a considerable distance, for a frigate.
xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 > i'll sell you another exumer if you like
Montreux Omega > nah, f exhumers, i ran those long ago. the 5% is not worth is anymore
xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 > i'm sure we have a few rettys around that we took from other miners you can buy
Montreux Omega > nah
Montreux Omega > im good
Montreux Omega > wont have that until the morning
Montreux Omega > anyways
Montreux Omega > im rambling
Montreux Omega > that's why local
Montreux Omega > if un
Montreux Omega > fun*
Montreux Omega > EVE IS FUN
Our Agents have learned not to expect carebears to carry out their threats of revenge. In this instance, they were particularly doubtful: Would Montreux even remember this incident by the time he woke up?
xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 > yes it is
Montreux Omega > guess i deserve it. been playing xbox live poker while i mine
Montreux Omega > but hell, what's more fun when you're drunk?
Montreux Omega > betting money you dont have
Montreux Omega > bought time i spent some money
Montreux Omega > alright, enough rambling
Montreux Omega > fly to dodix
The miner's "Calm Is King" training reasserted itself, and he cooled off a bit. He admitted that he was in the wrong--something most miners can't do even when sober. Our Agents looked forward to the day he could take that first 10 million isk step toward recovery.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Kills of the Week

We've got a lot of work to do, so let's get to it. Here are some fine kills that the New Order inflicted against the enemy during the week of October 20th @ 00:00 EVEtime through October 26th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

The ironically-named General K Kartoon was previously blown up in a poorly-tanked mining vessel, so he upgraded to a Skiff. So far, so good. But he still lacked a permit. Agent Lydia van Persie got the better of him and destroyed the misguided miner.

Sturmgeschutz IV had the distinction of losing the most expensive Orca during a fish fry conducted by numerous Knights of the Order, including Fleet Commander John XIII, scouts Small Beer, Pharoma, and Lysergic Jackals, and good ol' fashioned gankers xxBLACK SKULLxx 929, D400, Capt Starfox, Maestro Ulv, Minsebstor, Heizen Bergg, Fawn Tailor, Agent 057, Dr Wiwwy, PanzarPanda, Kristos Valamache, Brutal Anna, and Biodegradable. As a bonus, Sturmgeschutz's Orca contained an unlicensed Hulk and a Skiff. They no longer pose a threat to highsec.

In just over three hours, our heroes dealt 8.1 billion isk in damages, slaughtered 8 Orcas and confiscated a ninth from Zamir Kreedo, who was using an empty Orca next to his mining barge. He didn't lock the Orca, so our Agents were able to board and pilot it to safety. He was too AFK to notice his Orca leave him, so Agents killed his barge.

Dr Wiwwy tried to sell the former Orca pilot a mining permit, but he refused to see reason.

Adonei Exorbit lost over half a billion isk when his curiously-fit Megathron Navy Issue was cast into oblivion by Agent Loroseco Kross. Loroseco, who also ganked a Navy Mega a few weeks ago, is troubled by the bot-aspirancy of mission-runners these days. He challenges them to duels while flying a cruiser. Because these carebears do not understand the Code, they underestimate him. Loroseco explained:

Indeed, a polite tip of the hat is due.

Meanwhile, Druid Cilnok lost a faction battleship of his own this week. Agent Sabriz Adoudel was appalled by the immodesty of the 2.6 billion isk mission boat. So he decided to do something about it.

Druid joined Sabriz's corp. Druid lost billions for his arrogance, but the medal he earned was free:

After being awarded this medal, Druid left Sabriz's corporation to pursue other interests.

Ready for a heartwarming tale from a new Agent of the Order? Good. Because this time, I'll let the Agent tell the story:

Thank you for sharing, PanzarPanda, and thank you for caring about highsec. Here are the killmails:

The pod, weighing in at 2.2 billion isk, is the kind that often gets featured as Podkill of the Week. However...

...this week...

...Agent D400...

...was not to be denied. Trick or treat!