Sunday, May 27, 2018

Kills of the Week

Failing to obey the Code is a mistake. It's more than that, though--it's a mistake that can haunt you for the rest of your life. By contrast, enforcing the Code can earn you a lifetime of respect (self-respect and the respect of others). Sounds like the Code is pretty important, right? It is. To demonstrate, from the week of May 20th @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 26th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

How blingy can one Hulk be? pacman8me thought he could ward off potential ganks by spending billions on modules for his Hulk. He thought wrong. Agents Mack Poddington, Hulk Poddington, Skiff Poddington, and Lawrence Lawton were drawn to the Hulk by sheer instinct, and by sheer instinct they killed it.

Revman Zim wanted to capacitor-tank his Paladin, but he didn't want to use more than one midslot on it. The solution was simple: Spend 2.2 billion isk on an officer cap recharger. Throwing that in with the rest of his bling, Revman managed to choke 7.7 billion isk on a Marauder. He was ambushed by Agents Nam Plau, Alarik Maleus, Votre Dieu, KaMiKaDzExD, Narl' Amhar, Astrid Tyrfing, and Bastian Mart, who had him in their sights with a set of Tornadoes. Unlike Revman, they were ready.

Alex VD must've heard there was some good news in Uedama. That much was true. But Alex died on the Uedama gate a very misinformed carebear if he thought the good news was the end of freighter ganks. No, Agents Jayson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Jack Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Josh Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Jason Kusion, and HSM Admiral Chief had something special to celebrate with the rest of highsec. In recent weeks, the Kusion family has grown. The new members all have "J" names, which is actually a marvelous coincidence.

RVJONES Orlenard piloted an Enforcer-class force recon ship. Whatever you want to say about the fit, there's no doubt that it was a combat vessel. And, indeed, RVJONES consciously chose to engage in combat with another combat vessel.

Said combat vessel was an Orca. In an honourable 1v1 duel between an Enforcer and an Orca, the Orca is favored--if piloted by an Agent of the New Order, like Krig Povelli.

We've seen a lot of expensive haulers die over the years, but Moshe Mehrwert's 12.8 billion isk Badger was particularly sinful. Don't forget that a Badger is one of the least tanky industrial ships out there. Moshe didn't even have the presence of mind to lose a Deep Space Transport or an Iteron Mark V.

Oh yeah, and this was in Uedama.

Agents Votre Dieu and Narl' Amhar blapped the Badger and tuned into the Anti-Ganking channel to see the reaction.

You know you're bad when Anti-Ganking is making fun of you. Though the fact that AG was aware of the gank raises the question: Where was Anti-Ganking? Maybe they just enjoy watching ships get ganked now.

SoulLancer chose to do his mining in the exotic Kador region. "The New Order won't notice me here," he probably thought to himself. A lie. We patrol 100% of highsec, and bot-aspirants die everywhere they go. Agent Lawrence Lawton popped the miner's pod, worth nearly 3 billion isk.

I'm not sure why SoulLancer thought he needed all of those speed-enhancing implants for his Mackinaw. Miner logic?

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #158

Just as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, the New Order always gets its due.

You can almost set your watch by it. Every two weeks, another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Like Negan, I am firmly in the anti-zombie camp. Among highsec miners, that's a controversial position to take.

It's early in the Grab Bag and we've got a lot more stuff to get to, so why don't you send me that EVEmail in fewer words, and I'll get back to you?

Sometimes miners can be a little cryptic. Agent Minx Mattel asked for clarification by EVEmail...

Clarification tends to make a miner more vulgar, though.

Our Agents are incredibly open and welcoming to non-English speakers who play EVE. Most people ignore, ostracize, or segregate them. The New Order appreciates them for their unique talents and idioms:

If the Code did not exist, you probably never would've heard the expression "go into the shadow of a puppy". Remind me again why carebears want to abolish the Code?

...Miners, as you can see, are not so inclusive.

It was Breadofdead Sinulf's first day, and our Agent ganked him. The rebels would undoubtedly point to this as evidence that the New Order kills newbies. However, it turns out that Breadofdead had actually been playing for nearly a month, not a day. Never trust a miner.

Another common complaint is that we "force" people to put things into their bio. In fact, it's the rebel miners who get the most touchy about the content of other people's bios. MI-ONE19 Blade was triggered when she saw a miner with a mining permit.

In a fight between a permit-holder and a rebel, my isk's on the permit-holder.

Our enemies really need to make up their minds: Are they innocent, defenseless newbies--or unstoppable killing machines?

Or, the third option: Bot-aspirant Goofuses.

What a shame. We really needed that guy in our community.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Ninety-Two Billion in Shares Sold

If you could choose to possess any ability, having good timing wouldn't be a bad pick.

Kera Udan had good timing. Her purchase of 200 shares of New Order stock was just enough--at just the right time--to take us past the 1,592 billion isk mark. Why was that such a valuable thing? Because it earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

In case you're wondering, though: The best time to buy New Order shares is right now.


Have you ever wanted to start a conversation with someone who didn't feel like talking to you, but you didn't know how? Grigory Filippov wasn't in a mood to speak with anyone after he lost a freighter worth 10 billion isk.

Agent Lawrence Lawton knew just the right icebreaker to use: He placed a bounty of 315,315 isk on Grigory. Suddenly, the carebear was sending him a convo request! Way to flip the script.

Unfortunately, once Grigory saw the Code being linked, he was eager to get out of the convo.

Lawrence managed to use some logic to reel Grigory back in. The carebear repaid him with a cryptic remark.

Upon losing a ship, some carebears try to console themselves by making idle threats. Our Agents don't even let them have that. The Code outlaws any sort of comfort based on self-deception.

Grigory returned to silent mode, but not until after our Agent stabbed him with some truths. That was definitely worth 315,315 isk.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

The Ink Wasn't Even Dry Yet

Someone was in a hurry.

Kensi Sukarala didn't have time to fully equip her Mackinaw before she brought it to an asteroid belt in Osmon. I guess there was a mining emergency or something.

Most egregiously, Kensi failed to equip a mining permit. Agent Lawrence Lawton terminated the vessel and offered the miner instructions on how to mine correctly.

In his time as an Agent, Lawrence has sold over 4 billion isk worth of permits. He knows all the excuses by heart.

Though mining permits have always cost 10 million isk, they've never been easier to sell. Highsec is filled with licensed miners these days.

Anti-Gankers make themselves miserable every time they fail to stop a gank. The only thing that might make them even angrier is when they see a miner buy a permit.

Kensi was still a miner in a hurry. She wanted to get her bio updated and return to mining as quickly as possible. In her haste, she became sloppy--letting a comment slip that she probably shouldn't have.

Lawrence's keen instincts detected something wrong with this newly licensed miner. She seemed to have a very "transactional" view of the world. Like the only thing that mattered was the exchange of money.

She was also, by her own admission, someone who shied away from interacting with other players in a MMORPG about interacting with other players.

Nothing could be easier than buying a permit and installing it in your bio. Yet Kensi struggled.

The miner failed to realize that Lawrence was still monitoring Osmon local. For someone who said she never talked, she was spreading a lot of heresy in local chat.

Kensi admitted that she didn't like the Code very much, but claimed she was willing to submit to it anyway. Miners are, of course, required to submit to the Code, but they're not supposed to have a bad attitude about it. We want miners to be happy and compliant. Both elements are required.

The allegedly taciturn miner kept talking her way into more trouble. And wait a minute, didn't she say she had trouble speaking English?

Kensi wanted to properly format the mining permit in her bio, but it was too late for that now.

Once again, a Goofus with a permit ended up getting it revoked--in record time. It's not easy for a bot-aspirant to impersonate a real EVE player!

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Permits Are Better Than Remits

If you've been ganked by a Maller or a bunch of Tornadoes recently, there's a pretty good chance you've met Agent Ralliana and her friends.

That was the case for Leto Atal, whose capacitor-tanked Proteus met its doom on a gate in Poinen. It could've jumped through the gate at any time, but it sat there and died instead.

Like a lot of carebears, Leto was more willing to offer a "wtf" than a "gf". He immediately attempted to put Ralliana on the defensive. (He probably should've done that before the battle was over.)

The former Proteus pilot leveled an extraordinary new accusation against our Agent. I think this is the first time anyone has accused an Agent of harassment for not enforcing the Code.

Next, Leto fumed that Ralliana had killed someone with a kill right. This crazy carebear actually thought Ralliana didn't have the right to kill while using a kill right!

Agent Ralliana was amazed. Leto even found a way to complain about not being killed.

Leto wasn't interested in continuing the conversation in local any further. He had a petition to write.

Even though she doubted its usefulness in this case, Ralliana sent the carebear a standard post-gank EVEmail. Leto's reply quickly confirmed our Agent's doubts.

Ralliana didn't want to nitpick the guy about every provision of the Code. She just wanted him to get a permit. Apparently that was too much to ask.

Leto was an odd duck. Many of our enemies have criticized our Agents, but few have done so from Leto's perspective. He didn't think Ralliana role-played convincingly enough to gank him. Our Agent explained that all highsec activities require a permit, and she left it at that.

Leto doubled down on the space lawyer/role-player hybrid approach. Though unorthodox, his position was clear: He didn't want anyone in the mighty CODE. alliance shooting his Proteus.

Incredibly, Leto's employment history goes back a decade, and he still hasn't learned that highsec is a place where PvP is allowed to occur at any time. This only proves that we still have a lot of work to do. Highsec needs us, desperately.