Tuesday, March 31, 2020

The Best Revenge, Part 53

Previously, on MinerBumping... aiva naali aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years planned an intricate series of financial transactions that would culminate with aiva taking command of EVE's economy. Rebuilding the Imperium supercap fleet and purchasing director roles in Goonswarm Federation would be the icing on the cake for EVE's future tycoon.

aiva had mostly finished developing his PLEX trading scheme and the Five Crowns system. Now it was time for aiva's fleet to strick Pandemic Horde--and to strick it hard.

aiva had mastered nearly every aspect of EVE. But he was still humble enough to take good advice from his council--even in his areas of expertise.

In order to set the stage for the apocalyptic battle to come, aiva ordered the Imperium's fleets to pile up sandbags in space.

...Not literal sandbags, of course. The fleet was to scatter sentry drones everywhere. That's how you fortify a system in EVE.

The final battle between the Imperium and Pandemic Horde was to take place any day now. But until then, there was the ever-present issue of money. aiva needed to hand over billions of isk to keep all of his side projects going.

Recently, aiva had begun to drag his feet on the payments. He put off further investments until such time as he had a computer powerful enough to play EVE on minimum settings.

aiva was still able to log in and perform basic tasks, of course, but he feared that at some point his graphics card would die. Even so, if aiva was going to become a director of Goonswarm, the isk needed to be paid. aiva's council had vouched for him.

It was more than a question of priorities; there were hardware limitations involved with the computer. aiva was already givin' her all she's got. She couldn't take much more!

...But one should never underestimate aiva. There was yet another project in the works.

aiva's council, of course, wished to be consulted.

This was the big one. The time that aiva had spent serving as, well, whatever it was that he did for the Imperium, had opened his eyes. His potential was limitless. To be sure, The Mittani was an impressive figure in nullsec. But aiva was on another level.

And the time was almost ripe for aiva to transcend everything nullsec had ever known.

To be continued...

Monday, March 30, 2020

The Best Revenge, Part 52

Previously, on MinerBumping... The PLEX market wouldn't know what hit it! aiva naali aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years developed a plan to take over EVE's economy by manipulating the PLEX market. Yet the financial wizard found something he struggled at: Finding recruits to join his 1-man mining corporation.

aiva's council made every effort not to embarrass their leader for his failure on the recruiting front. He just needed a little encouragement to help him succeed.

Of course, rebuilding the Imperium supercapital fleet was the more important job. If aiva provided sufficient funding, he would be the next in line to get director roles in Goonswarm Federation.

Nevertheless, some in aiva's council continued to push him to keep recruiting. aiva was always juggling multiple tasks.

aiva's plan to manipulate the PLEX market continued to evolve. One might ask why aiva needed to give PLEX to someone else to invest, considering that he believed himself to be EVE's best PLEX trader. The answer: diversification.

As luck would have it, aiva's council was able to handle the PLEX investment stuff for him. This had the added benefit of keeping aiva's financial operations as secret as possible.

As 2019 came to a close, aiva made good on his promise to defeat Test Alliance Please Ignore. The defeat had only taken place in one of aiva's simulations, but that was pretty much the same thing as it happening in reality. TEST was about to enter its final year in existence.

aiva's takeover of the PLEX market had begun. With his profits, aiva was now able to fund three separate projects simultaneously: The rebuilding of the Imperium supercap fleet, the acquisition of "points" needed in order to earn Goonswarm director roles, and a PLEX investment fund run by Donatien Alphonse Francois. On top of that, 50% of the profits from Donatien's trades would also fund all three projects.

One potential hiccup: aiva's computer groaned under the weight of EVE's burdensome system requirements.

aiva's plan to defeat Pandemic Horde, TEST, etc. relied heavily upon the "lanceing fleet", a particularly effective fighting force designed by aiva himself. But even aiva's crack troops couldn't stay at the front indefinitely. Fear not--aiva had a plan for that.

The lanceing fleets would be continually replenished. They would mine for a few weeks and then lance for a few weeks.

"ph". Okay, so the Imperium is fighting Pandemic Horde right now. TEST later.

Although aiva had not yet spoken to any of these brave lancers, he was continually aware of the state of their morale...

...When you have a council as good as aiva's, you don't need to visit the front yourself.

To be continued...

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Kills of the Week

The bot-aspirants of highsec are desperate these days. Increasingly, unlicensed carebears have been under pressure from our valiant Agents--they're on the run. And what do non-compliant Gobloks do when they get desperate? Well, take a look at some examples from the week of March 22nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 28th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

We don't often see Covert Ops frigates featured on Kills of the Week, but Crusher McCabe was deeply afraid of being intercepted by gankers; he couldn't risk going around in some obvious hauling ship. But Agent Lovin Jr managed to find and destroy him all the same.

Try reading the Code to get a healthier, more natural boost.

Although we've been seeing haulers experiment with different kinds of ships lately, soraikaros angle3 went with the classic "highsec super", an 18.6 billion isk Ark. She made her way to Jita, but there her AFK journey ended in a fireball. Agents Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Richard, Taxman Daniel, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Shardani, Mining Lord 1999, and Dr Hattrick brought out the big guns and made Jita surrender another jump freighter.

Yeah, I'd say this qualifies as desperation. Yikes! Dantalian Lemegeton's 21 billion isk cargo-expanded Rattlesnake was a disgrace--an absolute disgrace. News of Dantalian's ship spread as it autopiloted through highsec, oblivious. 'Twas enough to rouse the Rackner family, and they took up arms. Agents eviserater Adoudel, Georgia Rackner, Rebecca Rackner, Ashlee Rackner, Jani Rackner, Yan Rackner, Emily Rackner, Jemma Rackner, Kirra Rackner, Olivia Rackner, Zoe Rackner, Celestia Rackner, Ivy Rackner, Charlotte Rackner, Kimberly Rackner, Globby Rackner, Benji Rackner, hegils, Phoenix Rackner, Adara Gaea, and Vladimir Puotin rode into battle in their Catalysts and taught Dantalian why highsec is not filled with hauling Rattlesnakes.

"Go to nullsec if you want to PvP," the anti-Code carebears sneer. Perhaps Jayne GX has said something like that before. If so, it's ironic that she provided our Agents with some practice killing her supercarrier. Our Agents, of course, are just as comfortable killing nullsec supers as highsec supers. Agents TigR Kashada, GROUND XERO, Tamoria, Peoplehater82, Kruge Ellecon, Helena Wild, Hakuli, Adrian Ostus, Martin otsito, Lucy Callagan, Jeronyx, l0rd carlos, Methea Selenis, Amelia Duskspace, atrophocy, Casper24, Kadesh Priestess, CHlCHl, Noc Ormand, Lucas Quaan, Oberhaader, NiXoR x, dexter xio, Goron McFraud, Scott Smartypants, xNiXoRx, and Charlotte Otsita enjoyed some elite PvP with Jayne. She probably wishes they had stayed in highsec!

It doesn't look like it, but Tovar's blingy Bhaalgorn was sort of a hauling battleship, too. Despite being equipped for combat, the ship's cargo bay was (for whatever reason) filled with clothing items. Agents Votre Dieu, Narl' Amhar, Astrid Tyrfing, Rungerd, and Ingrid Scylding didn't bother asking questions before killing Tovar. All they needed to know was that Tovar was violating the Code. Case closed.

A quick question for you, dear reader: What's worse than a mining battleship?

Answer: Two mining battleships, lost by the same guy an hour apart, in the same system. Inside Centre didn't take the hint when Agents Pod-Goo Repoman, Aaaarrgg, and Aaaarrggs Scout Alt ganked his mining Apocalypse, so our heroes returned to the system an hour later and ganked his mining Armageddon. Can you believe this guy? He's living proof that paying CCP a subscription fee doesn't mean you're worthy of EVE Online.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #206

You know the drill, dear reader: It's time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

When you encounter someone like capt JohnJ, you have to wonder just how long it took him to become such a Goofus...

...In this case, it took about two-thirds of a century. When capt JohnJ's ship exploded, he gave a new meaning to the term "boomer"!

Nihass Ironbound received multiple opportunities to purchase a mining permit within his first month of playing EVE. Hopefully he'll get straightened out long before he has enough isk to buy a freighter.

The Code
The Code

In lieu of reimbursement isk, I'll give you some free advice: If you don't follow the Code, your marriage is probably not going to last.

Confiscating blingy drones and winning arguments. All in a day's work for our Agents.

After Patricia Lex lost her Mackinaw, she invoked my name. But you can tell if a miner actually knows me by observing whether or not they obey the Code.

I'm pretty sure this miner put more thought into writing this EVEmail than anything else he did while playing the game.

A carebear's outrage upon being accused of AFK mining is a red flag. Bot-aspirants always get angry when they get caught.

...See what I mean? This guy doesn't sound like an innocent miner.

All bat to you, too, pal.

Miners would be surprised how often their corpmates are happy to see them get ganked. It makes sense, though. Just imagine being stuck in a corp with one of these Gobloks.

Friday, March 27, 2020

Post-Postal Post POSTAL

The anti-Code carebears claim that our Agents are griefers, bullies, and torturers. "Of course they're bullies," say the carebears, "How else could they coerce someone into buying one of their fraudulent 'permits'?"

But the truth is, many unlicensed highsec miners are fully aware that they must buy a permit. They're simply waiting their turn to be ganked.

Andy Post POSTAL lost a Mackinaw and a 792 million isk pod. Unusually, his Mackinaw had been equipped with an Abyssal Damage Control.

One might expect a miner such as Andy, upon being ganked, to go postal. But he couldn't be mad; he was beyond all of that now. Andy had known all along what his fate would be. 'Twas only a matter of time.

Eventually, justice caught up with Andy, as it does with all who violate the Code. There was no sense in trying to run from destiny any longer.

Agent Aiko Danuja was pleased to hear Andy make a full confession of his crimes. A lot of miners confess, but mostly they incriminate themselves by accident.

Failing to obey the Code is a foolish mistake; punishment is inevitable. Our Agents have eyes and ears everywhere in highsec.

Once they put aside their self-serving biases, all miners recognize that the Code is just.

Andy knew, intellectually, the truth of highsec. Now it was time to translate his knowledge into action.

...And that meant buying a mining permit. A few permits, actually.

As always, the sale of a mining permit (or three) is cause for celebration. Only a grouchy anti-Code carebear would think otherwise.

Andy opened his arms to the Agents of the New Order. For they were the ones who fight to save highsec.

Next, Andy composed an EVEmail explaining himself and sent it directly to the Saviour of Highsec.

Unlicensed carebears could learn a lot from a guy like Andy. When you lose your Mackinaw, there's no point in spewing a bunch of real-life death threats and racial slurs in local chat. No, the better option is to admit you're totally guilty and to toss some isk to your ganker.

Even so, the wiser course is to obey the Code from the beginning--and avoid being ganked at all.