Sunday, March 31, 2019

Kills of the Week

This was just a really awful week for the bot-aspirant carebears. The preceding weeks have all been awful for them, too, but their consistent failure to turn things around made the experience all the more bitter. Carebears, embrace the Code. It's your only way out. From the week of March 24th @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 30th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Tiera Solas took the risk of bringing her 19.8 billion isk jump freighter--unlicensed, mind you--into highsec. She faced a gank armada unlike anything she could've imagined: Three dozen Taloses, plus other assorted gank ships. That's a lot of DPS. Agents Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jason Kusion, Dry Tears, Bob Painter, Joel Kusion, Open Your Heart, Jeremy Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Joseph Kusion, big brutor six, Jack Kusion, Jaiden Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Bob Electrician, Mjolnir Rage Torpedo, Jayden Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Inspector Implant, Josh Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Bob Welder, Jared Kusion, Dubious Anime Name, Bob Mechanic, big brutor one, Nova Rage Torpedo, Further Painting, Get Memed, Dan Painter, Jax Kusion, Charlie Painter, Continue Painting, bi mistuff, Succulent Spodumain, FidgetSpinning, and Homoerotic Finger Painting put an end to Tiera Solas and her foul crime.

Nullsec can be dangerous sometimes, too. Casimir Aurgnet casually puttered around in a 21.9 billion isk Nyx. She assumed that having a supercarrier made her a power player, but in EVE, an expensive ship is merely a big lossmail waiting to happen if you don't have the skill to back it up. Agents Rahne Sentro, TigR Kashada, Vordak Kallager, lady labia, Intigo, xXSupremeCmdrThorXx, Soldier Forrester, repmefirst, Blaran Falsnar, atrophocy, Wild Things, abkiller Outamon, Casper24, and bella lugosi--elite PvP'ers all--taught Casimir how the game is played.

"I won't bother using a freighter," Terra Beulve thought. "The mighty CODE. alliance kills freighters, especially around choke-points like Niarja." Fair enough. But Terra bought a Mastodon instead of a permit. The result was an execution-style gank by Agents Shagmar Gera, Votre Dieu, Ehud Gera, Astrid Tyrfing, Rungerd, and Narl' Amhar.

Devil's Solution corp found itself in a war with CODE., but for some reason failed to defend itself. In stark contrast, Agents Aaaarrggs Scout Alt, Aaaarrgg, and Pod-Goo Repairman were willing to march into battle and fight with honour. And so CODE. won another war.

Are nano Golems a thing now? If so, there's one less nano Golem polluting our fair highsec. Mariata De'Shanati couldn't outrun justice delivered by Tornado Squad: Agents Votre Dieu, Rungerd, Narl' Amhar, and Astrid Tyrfing.

As we saw earlier, Casimir Aurgnet lost her Nyx. Her pod was left to face our Agents' smartbombs. Agents Wild Things, Vordak Kallager, Intigo, and bella lugosi each got on the killmail.

Another juicy pod bites the dust. Think carefully before you install your implants.

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #180

Protip: Never take advice from a carebear.

...Carebears, we know, tend to engage in risky and self-destructive behaviors--like mining without a permit. Welcome to another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

EVE isn't as dead as your mining ship, friend.

I've noticed that the anti-Code carebears tend to use a lot of racial slurs. Although the Anti-Gankers always fail to save them, I do wonder why they would want to spend all of their time trying to help racists.

Bonus protip: If you want me to reimburse your loss, you probably shouldn't set me to "terrible" standings.

Per Google Translate:
"frostbitten, I repeat - we will meet in a year, remove the spell for you canot play it ..."

You know a miner is desperate when he resorts to witchcraft. FYI, the Code forbids the use of dark magic in highsec.

Check the datestamps. That was one AFK miner!

"What am I watching?" Not Netflix anymore.

Silly Russian miner Beila Kacman has coined a new insult: "You're successfully using birth control!"

It's only safe to anchor a structure if you're fully compliant with the Code. Talk to your local Agent for more information.

Miners, never signal your disinterest in obeying the Code...

So much for "I would've bought a permit if you had warned me first."

Miners, if you want to spend time with your children, dock up or ask an Agent for permission.

Keith Hudson petitioned our Agent with four complaints. I will address each of them here:

#1-4. Don't be a Goofus.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Disharmonious, Part 11

Previously, on MinerBumping... As the CEO of Harmony Order, Governor MrLee was entrusted with the safety of everyone in the corporation. When he chose to violate the Code, he broke that trust--and there was a great reckoning.

When the mighty CODE. alliance made highsec too dangerous for Harmony Order's bot-aspirant antics, Governor MrLee led his people into nullsec.

Alas, Governor made the mistake of renting space in the middle of an active war zone. He eventually decided to give the order to evacuate, but his corpmates were angry about all of the ships they'd lost in null.

There was also much consternation about the fact that Governor had used alliance funds to pay for the privilege of renting the cursed space in nullsec. The rental fees cost billions--much more than he would've needed to pay for a mining permit.

Every greedy carebear thinks the same thing: "Those other miners may pay 10 million for a permit, but I'll find a way to get everything I want for free." But the more they disobey the Code, the more they end up paying.

Governor found himself in the middle of an angry mob. All he could do was apologize and promise to be a better CEO in the future.

Despite his apologies, Governor's fellow alliance members struggled to forgive him. They weren't quite sure he'd gotten the message yet.

When first he resolved to rebel against the Code, Governor imagined himself as a conquering hero, a leader of men. Now he was reduced to a pitiable state. He was a beggar, pleading for forgiveness.

Governor's only defense was that he had been deceived by his nullsec hosts. But the fact was, the sole responsibility for the failure rested with Governor himself. It was he who had chosen to treat the Agents of the New Order with disrespect. And that led to every bad thing that came after.

As the airing of grievances continued, Governor began to feel uneasy. How many times did he need to say he was sorry?

For the first time, Governor considered that his administration might not survive this debacle.

The Agents had warned him this would happen. Governor's world was crumbling all around him.

To be continued...

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Disharmonious, Part 10

Previously, on MinerBumping... Governor MrLee led Harmony Order corporation into a disastrous war against the mighty CODE. alliance. In a series of increasingly desperate moves, Governor attempted to transform his highsec PvE corp into a nullsec renter alliance.

To protect their fellow EVE players from being victimized by Governor MrLee's scam, our Agents camped out in the Harmony Order rental channel. It was unmoderated, so they took charge of it. However, they eventually saw Governor join the channel. As ever, he maintained his vow of silence.

Agent Viirilithizu Ward knew that although Governor didn't speak, he did listen. So she offered him a warning: Harmony Order was still under investigation.

Meanwhile, members of CODE.'s own New Order Outreach Division, operating deep in nullsec, detected signs of Harmony Order activity. They took swift action.

But it appeared that Harmony Order was keeping one foot in highsec, too. Viirilithizu had the pleasure of ganking Governor himself in Jita. As usual, he said nothing in his defense.

Harmony Order's recruitment efforts had been halted by the previous wardec with CODE., but Governor's ambitions only grew. He recruited more corporations into Harmony Order's alliance, Gemini Whale United. Our Agents doubted that these new corps were being properly vetted.

It was only a matter of time before Governor's terrible decisions caught up with him. He refused to speak with anyone from CODE., but his silent treatment wouldn't work on the rest of his alliance. In the privacy of the alliance channel, he had to answer to his colleagues.

Governor's corpmates were unsparing in their criticism. And they knew where the bodies were buried.

After being chased out of highsec by CODE., Governor had sent his precious newbros to live in an active war zone in nullsec. Having been trained only to dock up whenever CODE. entered local, they were totally helpless.

In an astonishing act of greed and cruelty, Governor accepted a deal with his nullsec hosts in which the alliance of newbies would pay for the privilege of ratting on the front lines. Governor had thrown them all to the wolves.

In response to the slaughter, Governor now felt he had no choice but to order the survivors to make the trek back to highsec with whatever assets they still possessed.

The question remained: Would anyone still follow Governor? Or would they rebel against him, just as Governor had rebelled against the Code?

To be continued...

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Over One Trillion Seven Hundred Fifty Billion in Shares Sold

So many people want to invest in the future of highsec--that is, to invest in the New Order. And, as it turns out, that's a really, really, really good investment to make.

Who gets the Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ here? Gagah Enforcer, who's already off to a solid start in EVE. Gagah's purchase of 315 shares put us past the 1,750 billion isk mark and earned him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Think of it: 1.75 trillion. One and three quarters of a trillion isk. That's a vote of confidence.


A tale of two streamers, dear reader. Agent Alt 00 sniped a streamer and encouraged him to buy a permit. You can watch the action unfold here:

Spoiler: This streamer learns from the experience. But not everyone takes so easily to the acquisition of knowledge. Which brings us to our second streamer...


Agent Siegfried Cohenberg is name-dropped in the following clip, so you know it has to be good:

This was clipped and saved for the world by Twitch user "RegentDonkey"; the full video from which this clip came is unavailable. I think you get the idea, though.

And I agree that Agent Siegfried's elite PvP skills are totally sick, dude.

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Disharmonious, Part 9

Previously, on MinerBumping... Harmony Order corporation should have complied with the Code. But its leaders encouraged everyone in the corp to disobey, resulting in catastrophic failure. A terrible war raged, and the only thing Harmony Order's CEO could think to do was kick out the corp's sole active PvP'er.

Freed from the shackles of a boring PvE corp, King Kong Moose joined the mighty CODE. alliance and began learning a new trade: Miner ganker.

Meanwhile, King also instructed Dalor Askas in the art of the gank, all while Dalor was still a member of Harmony Order. Cultural victory?

The war was a total success for CODE.; it was a total disaster for Harmony Order and its alliance, Gemini Whale United. But could Harmony Order's silent CEO simply ignore the losses and act like they didn't matter?

Alas, it was clear that the wardec was ruining Governor MrLee's plans. In the weeks preceding the war, Harmony Order had been recruiting like mad, adding hundreds of new miners to the corp. The war with CODE. put a stop to all of that. Within a few days, nearly 50 members had already left.

It was time to pull the plug. Governor MrLee hatched a scheme to end the war. But how?

Harmony Order and its alliance were no longer war eligible. They tore down all of their highsec structures to make themselves immune under the new wardec mechanics. But that decision came at the cost of everything they had been trying to build in highsec. To realize his mad ambitions, Governor would need a new plan.

The wardec was over, but our Agents' investigation into Harmony Order continued. They soon learned that something strange was afoot.

The shocking truth: Harmony Order's alliance was rebranding itself as a nullsec rental service?

Agents Viirilithizu Ward and Aiko Danuja felt a profound need to protect the public from this fraud. They camped out in the rental channel.

Our Agents had long suspected Governor MrLee was a promoter of bot-aspirancy. Yet their investigations, no matter how thorough, had only scratched the surface.

The New Order is and always has been the enemy of corruption in EVE. We are a shining light. Our light is necessary because there are monsters lurking in the darkness.

Governor MrLee's schemes and corruption went far deeper than anyone could have imagined. The war with CODE. had caused him to take increasingly desperate action. Soon, the full truth would emerge.

To be continued...