Thursday, September 21, 2017

Bob Goes Forth, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bob the Fourth marched into the Solitude region, handing out the blessings of the Code like they were going out of style. Actually, the Code's never been more in style, but Ganebass Orlenard kept littering highsec with Mobile Tractor Units. Bob was happy to clean up the mess.

I guess you can only destroy so much of a man's property before he sets you red.

Agent Bob's bumper alt might have played a role, too. Ganebass didn't like having his mining ship get kicked around the belt.

Ganebass made some ominous threats, but Bob didn't put too much stock in them. What were the odds that this miner would take action?

As expected, the miner was quicker to reach for his wallet than reach for a gun. However, Bob noted with some concern that the miner kept slipping back into his native language.

Ganebass let his temper get the better of him. He switched into a Gnosis-class battlecruiser and began yellowboxing our hero. Clearly this miner was angry, but was he angry enough to do something truly desperate?

He was. In the heat of passion, Ganebass opened fire on a duly licensed Agent of the New Order of Highsec. Bob retaliated with a brilliant show of force. CONCORD was also present during the battle.

Ganebass' Gnosis was a sorry excuse for a ganking vessel. Apparently the miner thought he could tank CONCORD. When he died, he was so stunned that Bob was able to catch his pod, too.

Ganebass tried to put the blame on Bob, but he was the architect of his own destruction.

It should've been obvious by now that the New Order cannot be stopped. Ganebass should've known that his old way of life was unsuited to the new, Code-compliant Solitude region. Even so, Ganebass bitterly clung to his traditions.

...Which included the ritual use of MTUs.

A few weeks later, Bob tried to get in some good ice mining, only to have his Retriever terminated during one of Bob's patrols.

This time, Bob didn't even need to employ suicide ganking; he simply used his kill right while Ganebass was AFK. The miner was utterly discredited.

In spite of his glorious victories and rapidly growing fame, Bob remained levelheaded. He kept his focus. There were plenty of miners who still needed his help.

To be continued...

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Bob Goes Forth, Part 1

One of the many benefits of a career in Code enforcement: Watching the seemingly worthless PvE'ers of highsec begin to blossom. Another benefit: Rock star status.

Agent Bob the Fourth and his bumper alt, Bob the First, have become a source of guidance and purity in the Solitude region. However, not everyone likes guidance and purity. The appropriately named (and inappropriately behaved) MiC Lawless attempted to gank our hero.

Can you guess what happened? Probably. Agents of the New Order always win. Always!

Miner bumper Bob the First easily shrugged off the attack.

The silly miners who say ganking is easy and risk-free never manage to do it successfully. They must assume that everything in EVE is as simple as AFK mining--otherwise they'd have to admit that they lack skill.

Nevertheless, when a miner tries to gank an Agent, at least the miner isn't mining. Bob congratulated MiC Lawless on his attempt to play EVE for the first time.

The combat experience seemed to perk him up. Maybe Bob was getting somewhere with this miner?

Over the next few days, things took an unexpected turn. The miner's failed gank attempt gave Bob a kill right on him. Bob periodically activated the kill right, forcing MiC Lawless to dock up. The miner got so tired of this that he declared war against Bob's corp. At least then they'd be on a level playing field.

In his generosity, Agent Bob set the war to "mutual" status so that MiC Lawless would no longer need to pay to renew the war each week. It also meant that the war would continue indefinitely.

Eventually, MiC Lawless realized that there's no such thing as a level playing field when dealing with an Agent of the New Order. Of course MiC Lawless didn't stand a chance against our Agent--what was he thinking? The miner decided to go AFK for the next several weeks while the kill right expired, and then he retracted the wardec. An entire month's worth of mining time was lost.

Bob was happy to teach MiC Lawless a lesson. The miner wasn't his only student, though. Bob, an enthusiastic teacher, taught the miners of Solitude about Mobile Tractor Units. Unlike most things related to highsec, MTUs can be destroyed without summoning CONCORD. Bob demonstrated this by attacking every MTU he could find.

Sometimes the same miner needed to learn this lesson repeatedly. Bob eventually attracted the attention of Ganebass Orlenard, who was tired of losing his MTUs.

Ganebass had something important to tell Bob, but he had trouble expressing it.

Despite the language barrier, Ganebass eventually got the message across: He had a score to settle with Bob.

To be continued...

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

The Kino Rebellion Begins

Kino. One of the very first systems to receive the benefits of the Code.

The New Order, and in particular the mighty CODE. alliance, has deep roots in Kino. Agents Bing Bangboom and Spine Ripper are household names--and the subject of recurring nightmares for non-compliant carebears.

But it was only a matter of time before a rebellion rose up against Kino's masters.

With the chilling words "THE REBELLION BEGINS", highsec carebear Germaldi Barviainen rallied every miner he could to the cause. After his drones popped a suspect loot-scooper, Germaldi felt as though nothing could stop him.

...A standard question in light of recent events.

At any rate, there was no telling how much devastation Germaldi's rebellion would inflict upon Kino before it could be put down. If it could be put down.

Already, Germaldi had recruited the assistance of "a friens". This new resistance movement was spreading like wildfire.

Granted, not every miner Germaldi met was receptive to his message. I mean, five years of Code enforcement can't be undone overnight. There are going to be skeptics.

Some miners choose to remain non-political. They prefer to do nothing while they wait their turn to be ganked.

Earlier, Germaldi Barviainen challenged our Agents to face him. His open defiance was meant to inspire fear among the gankers and to stiffen the spines of the miners.

Instead, Germaldi only signed his own death warrant. His Endurance was destroyed, along with his 116 million isk pod.

Germaldi went silent. At last, the rebellion was over. Peace returned to the Kino system.

And yet, no matter how many would-be resistance leaders lose their ships, there's always another Goofus waiting in the wings. Our Agents stand at the ready.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 17

Previously, on MinerBumping... The carebears of Mission Ready Mining were suffering from growing pains as they struggled to accept their new reality: An endless siege in Gelhan, where they used to mine in peace. Agent Georgia B Dixie picked up the baton and continued the education of MRM with her bumping Machariel.

Agent Georgia continuously bumped Le Anne's Orca. Though MRM had well over 2,000 members, Le Anne felt utterly alone.

A small handful of "defense" ships from MRM buzzed around the area, but they were unwilling or unable to do anything about Georgia's bumping campaign. Le Anne couldn't believe this sort of thing was tolerated in EVE.

Le Anne's "never" went wobbly. She hated the Code with every fiber of her bot-aspirant being. Yet she couldn't help but feel tempted. Only 10 million isk per year for mining rights?

Although mining permits are obviously a great deal at an unbelievable price, Le Anne didn't want to surrender. She felt entitled to mine in highsec without any interference from other players.

Freudian double-negative aside, Le Anne wanted an excuse not to pay. Imaginary non-Order bumpers provided her with a reason not to buy a permit.

So the bumping continued. Mission Ready Mining's thousands couldn't produce a solution to the bumping problem. Le Anne would need to wait for Georgia to get tired.

Once again, it dawned on Le Anne that she was entirely at Georgia's mercy. She wanted to mine, but she couldn't. She'd have to wait. Maybe Georgia wouldn't stop bumping Le Anne until her designated EVE-playing time was over. In fact, Le Anne could've tried mining in some other system, but bot-aspirants tend to be set in their ways.

With little else to do but watch her Orca sail across the grid, Le Anne's mind turned to scheming. She tried to blackmail our Agent!

Here's the problem with attempting to blackmail an Agent of the New Order: It doesn't work. Our Agents' conduct is so unquestionably impeccable that there's no way to get any dirt on them.

With no help from her fellow MRM pilots forthcoming, Le Anne could only think up ways to waste the time of EVE's already overworked GMs. Disgraceful.

Agent Georgia's compassion for Le Anne was tested; she was disgusted by the miner's conduct. Georgia focused her energies on bumping Le Anne's Orca. This is a well-known meditation technique. It helped.

Le Anne's plaintive cries only confirmed what everyone knew already: The New Order was completely unstoppable, and Georgia reigned supreme in the Gelhan system.

But a new challenger was about to enter the ring: The CEO of Mission Ready Mining himself.

To be continued...