Thursday, October 31, 2019

Legacy of Lahnius, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Lahnius, famous for his anti-Code soliloquies, was at it again in Nakugard local chat. Despite his pro-miner stance, he found himself the object of ridicule among other carebears. Passersby, such as self-described "random" Deimos Barret, likewise formed an unfavorable opinion of Lahnius.

For years, Lahnius dreamed of making a name for himself. Thanks to his many defeats at the hands of the Agents of the New Order, he'd done just that.

Lahnius was still sore about losing ships to the mighty CODE. alliance. But he was most bitter about the fact that he'd spent some time ganking--and had lost the trust of his fellow miners.

From the beginning, Lahnius had tried to convince himself that his intended ends justified the means: He only ganked miners so that he could infiltrate the New Order and stop the ganks.

Unfortunately, Lahnius' operation had failed to take down CODE. Thus, he had the blood of miners on his hands--and red on his ledger.

In order to make up for what he had done, Lahnius attempted to organize a campaign of "marking" the New Order and its sympathizers with negative standings. He hoped that other miners in Nakugard would follow his example.

Yet the carebears of Nakugard grew to despise Lahnius. The ingrates refused to accept him as their leader, even when it came to setting standings.

But perhaps there was a way for Lahnius to salvage the situation. Perhaps he could spin his years of defeats as a victory.

Sensing that the moment was ripe, Lahnius launched into another soliloquy.

Lahnius wanted to deliver a speech about how he'd actually defeated Agent Alt 00 instead of the other way around. His audience, lacking faith, threw tomatoes at him.

The infernal "Tapestry of Tears" series remained a thorn in Lahnius' side. No! It would be his greatest achievement.

Unfortunately for Lahnius, the people of highsec read MinerBumping voraciously. He couldn't spin his well-documented downfall as a victory.

If Lahnius was to rise from his own ashes, he would need to reinvent himself. But how? And as what? It was a conundrum.

Lahnius always did his best thinking by going into stream-of-consciousness mode in local chat. But would Lahnius' best thinking be good enough?

To be continued...

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Over One Trillion Eight Hundred Ninety-Six Billion in Shares Sold

Hey, check it out!

This week, Lawrence Lawton delivered a surprise from The Lawton School for Pubbies Who Can't Mine Good corporation: A purchase of 15,000 shares of New Order stock. That's 15 billion isk worth of shares--enough to bring us to the 1,882, 1,883, 1,884, 1,885, 1,886, 1,887, 1,888, 1,889, 1,890, 1,891, 1,892, 1,893, 1,894, 1,895, and 1,896 billion isk marks. In other words, a lot of shares.

The Lawton School earned an exotic Quindecuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for this achievement. You don't often see Quindecuple Supreme Protector's Tips of the Hat™, but when you do, they're always dazzling. With a cumulative total of 53,315 shares to its name, The Lawton School is now the sixth-largest shareholder of all time.


The name "carebear" can be misleading. Too often, carebears don't seem to care about much of anything.

I mean, look at this. This was in highsec.

Agent Mysti Fi tracked down the owner of the unattended Raitaru to set 'em straight.

As you'd expect, Agent Mysti handled things by the book.

Non-compliance is expensive. Compliance, on the other hand, is always worth it.

The Raitaru was confiscated and will undoubtedly be put to better use. Yet there was still an unresolved question:

Our Agent was curious as to which section of the Code should be cited when a carebear corp leaves a Raitaru sitting in space. In situations like these, the Code enforcer has some flexibility. Some, for example, might jump to the bot-aspirancy provision of the Code, which reads as follows:

"Bot-aspirant behavior is not permitted."

Personally, though, I'm reminded of the Kills of the Week post from September 14, 2014, which stated:

"Lately there's been a trend of New Order Agents destroying unlicensed POS equipment in our territory... Carebears, if you wish to do business in highsec, please make sure you get your paperwork in order. Okay?"

(Naturally, such statements from MinerBumping posts are incorporated into the Code, as they are public proclamations from the Saviour of Highsec.)

"But James 315," you ask. "Didn't your post refer to POS equipment, rather than engineering complexes like the Raitaru?" Yes it did, and the post was from the days before such structures existed. But consider, too, the following statement from the Kills of the Week post from December 28, 2014:

"Keep highsec beautiful."

You have to wonder what that carebear was thinking when he chose to violate the Code.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

The Best Revenge, Part 9

Previously, on MinerBumping... anaCheeya ANARKY aka aiva naali aka "kingpin" aka "lil bullet" sallied forth into nullsec to pursue his ambitions. aiva's journey hit a snag when Vincent Vegas--a Goon and supposedly an ally--killed his unfit cruiser. Unbeknownst to aiva, Vincent had been tipped off to aiva's location by Agent Aiko Danuja.

aiva had big plans for nullsec--and his place in it. With his penchant for designing superweapons that no one else had ever thought of, aiva believed he could reshape nullsec to suit his whims. For now, though, he was stuck mining in highsec. Good thing he had a permit.

aiva toiled away in highsec asteroid belts awaiting the results of a Goon "security check". He didn't look like much, but it was only a matter of time before he let a few things slip.

Agent Aiko directed aiva to a public channel for New Order Logistics corp. That way, aiva could meet some fellow travelers while he was in exile. This, however, proved to be a dangerous temptation.

Finding himself in a relaxed and inviting environment, aiva spoke freely. Too freely.

aiva couldn't resist sharing secrets with his new friends. And they, in turn, were fascinated by what he had to say.

Like a Parisian café, rumors of revolution wafted through NOL's public channel. aiva found himself at the center of attention.

...And he liked it.

To aiva's delight, rumors of one of his superweapons had preceded him. Once the phrase "skank trap" was uttered, there was no stopping him.

aiva's audience encouraged him to reveal more, but the miner needed no encouragement. In speaking about them, he felt his fantastic visions were finally becoming a reality.

aiva's precious secrets spilled freely into the NOL public channel. He felt that he was among friends--but who else was listening?

Even in such a comfortable atmosphere, aiva should have been alarmed by the degree of specificity with which his friends questioned him. Did they really need all of these technical details?

Security concerns were out the window. In fact, they were long gone. Before long, aiva was sketching diagrams of his plans:

So far, it was all fun and games. But if word leaked out, things could go bad in a hurry.

To be continued...

Monday, October 28, 2019

The Best Revenge, Part 8

Previously, on MinerBumping... anaCheeya ANARKY donned the guise of aiva naali, a newly created character. Despite many setbacks, aiva remained ambitious--and deeply committed to his nullsec project.

With the aid of Agent Aiko Danuja and other friends from the New Order, aiva hoped to regain access to Imperium space. So far, he was making good progress. They don't call him "lil bullet" for nothing.

aiva took Agent Aiko into his confidence. The miner made no secret of his addiction to skill injectors, though he never mentioned how he was able to afford so many of them.

The most perilous part of aiva's journey began. The miner held his breath and jumped into nullsec.

Remarkably, aiva managed to make his way into nullsec without issue. Aiko's connections in Goon high command were paying off.

Upon receiving instructions from Aiko, aiva announced his presence and prepared to advance to the next system on his list.

Disaster struck.

Adding insult to injury, the pilot who attacked him was a Goon. Was it a miscommunication of some sort?

In the heat of battle, Vincent Vegas also popped aiva's pod, sending him right back to where he started.

What Vincent didn't realize is that aiva was no ordinary blank-fit Thorax pilot. In fact, the miner had detailed plans on how to create superweapons and destroy the Imperium.

As usual, the diplomatic Agent Aiko managed to save the day.

After taking a few moments to reflect, aiva decided to forgive the unwarranted attack and go offline to attend a prior engagement. However, there was more to aiva's chance encounter with Vincent than met the eye. Just prior to the incident, the following conversation took place in a private channel:

At the risk of jumping to conclusions, it appeared that Aiko--the person aiva trusted the most--may have actually been playing both sides. How would aiva react when he discovered the truth?

To be continued...

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Kills of the Week

People often decry the bots who plague EVE. Even carebears sometimes claim to be against botting. "But what can I do about it?" they ask. Well, first, you can support the New Order--the only proven, potent defense against bots. Secondly, you can stop being a bot-aspirant. Without bot-aspirants to harbor them, the bots will vanish more rapidly than you can imagine. In short, botting is the fault of the carebears.

Speaking of bot-aspirants, here are some dead ones from the week of October 20th @ 00:00 EVEtime through October 26th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

This week, a tale of two Paladins. 1 Auduin tried to protect her Paladin by clothing it in arrogance and a terrible fit. You see the fit, now here's the arrogance:

1 Auduin thought she could win a battle against Agent Krig Povelli. Tsk.

Paladin number two: Alex Solkrad chose to clothe his ship in bling. But no amount of isk can save a carebear from destruction; only the Code can do that. Agents Ariku Orenuk, Rante Charante, Vlada Inkunen, and Ukira Kunero took aim with their Tornadoes and cost the carebear 5.6 billion isk. And he wasn't even in a hauler!

Judging by Marrcus Chance's experience, though, the carebear wouldn't have fared any better against Tornadoes in a hauler. Agents Ariku Orenuk, Ukira Kunero, and Rante Charante enforced the rules against AFK autopiloting in the Bagodan system.

Illegal mining equipment being smuggled by an illegal hauler. No surprise there.

When CCP nerfed bumping, the carebears assumed that all of their freighters and jump freighters would become safe. But they forgot two important things. First, an AFK autopiloter can't warp no matter how many minutes he spends getting bumped. Second, the power of the Code is awesome. So it was that Lillian Hamabu managed to lose a 19 billion isk jump freighter in a 1.0 security system.

Agents Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jax Kusion, Jared Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jaiden Kusion, and Homoerotic Finger Painting had plenty of Taloses and plenty of determination. No matter the nerfs, they will see justice done.

Even though she wasn't using ORE Strip Miners, Hollie Berrie lost 825 million isk in a Hulk. How does something like that happen? A little bit of bling here, a few illegal mining drones there... It adds up. Agents Noll Kion and Lisa Tears love killing Hulks anyway, so the fancy killmail was icing on the cake.

Adrionuz tried to hide his 2.6 billion isk pod. Alas, he hid it somewhere that our Agents were bound to go looking: an unlicensed Mackinaw. Once the pod was released, Agent Aaaarrgg did what he does best.

Carebears spend so much time accumulating this trash. I wish they were smart enough to spend their time on things that matter. The Code, for instance.