Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Fraud in the Reimbursement, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned ganked BARANDYWINE SHAWN-NEE, a five-year veteran of EVE who chose to spend her days mining in 0.9 security systems without a permit. Incensed by the gank, BARANDYWINE verbally abused Kalorned and then sent a convo request to Agent Svara Eir, the Reimbursement Officer assigned to the case.

For many EVE players, a sight like this can be a little intimidating; you never know what's going to happen when you accept the invitation. But Agents of the New Order are absolutely fearless. Besides, they like to give people the benefit of the doubt. They assume the conversation will be a friendly one. A convo like this is an opportunity to meet a new player and connect with them on a personal level.

...But bot-aspirants only care about material things.

Unfortunately, BARANDYWINE's addiction to all-caps carried over from her earlier conversation with Kalorned.

The miner was only willing to put the bare minimum of effort into the conversation. She wanted her Retriever loss reimbursed. She wasn't interested in getting PvP advice.

Agent Svara was in a particularly generous mood. She tentatively planned to reimburse BARANDYWINE's Retriever without digging too much into the details of the gank. Of course, she'd need a lossmail to substantiate the loss.

Red flags began flapping in the wind. Instead of linking her Retriever loss, BARANDYWINE linked the name of her own character and Agent Krominal, one of the gankers.

Despite having played EVE since 2011, BARANDYWINE had no idea how to find her killmails and lossmails. The ever-helpful Svara taught her how to locate them. She wanted so much to help the miner get reimbursed.

After a few minutes, BARANDYWINE finally discovered the lossmail. But there was a bit of a hiccup.

Agent Kalorned's friends had ganked BARANDYWINE's ship, but it was a Mackinaw, not a Retriever. So why was BARANDYWINE trying to get a Retriever reimbursed? Retrievers, of course, are worth much less than Mackinaws. Something was fishy here. The most likely explanation was that for some reason, BARANDYWINE repeatedly misspoke--that she hadn't intended to mislead the Reimbursement Officer.


Then BARANDYWINE linked a Retriever lossmail. The whole situation started to look shady. Svara Eir became visibly uncomfortable.

The miner linked a Retriever loss, but it was an odd one. The Retriever was destroyed all the way back in October 2011. And it was killed by NPCs.

Thus far, Svara had been almost unbelievably accommodating to BARANDYWINE. Now she was on her guard.

One way or another, Svara was going to get to the bottom of this.

To be continued...

Monday, February 27, 2017

Fraud in the Reimbursement, Part 1

Agent Kalorned has been an Agent of the New Order for many years now. Countless miners have learned about the Code from him. When someone like Kalorned ganks your Mackinaw, an appropriate response would be something along the lines of, "Thank you for your service."

Goofuses rarely thank people for their service. From Kalorned's incident report:

Once in a while as I'm out doing what I do, I run into especially strange miners. It's one thing to spend nearly six years in the game mining, it's quite another to do so and somehow manage to never have any losses on a killboard. Such was the rare creature I encountered one fine Monday afternoon in Boranai, when I met BARANDYWINE SHAWN-NEE.

Mining in a Mackinaw in the safe and cuddly 0.9 system, BARANDYWINE failed to respond to me when I greeted her in local, opting instead to continue mindlessly mining the Pyroxeres in front of her without so much as a friendly wave back. I responded to her rudeness by destroying her Mackinaw.

Miners can be so fickle. They're always telling Kalorned and our other Agents that they should "give a warning before shooting". But when they do receive a warning, they don't appreciate it.

As her character name suggests, BARANDYWINE was a big fan of the Caps Lock key. Not a big enough fan to keep her at her keyboard while she mined, but still a pretty big fan. Our Agent feared that once BARANDYWINE started typing in all-caps, she might not stop. Time to hit the pause button and start over. Kalorned was in no mood for a conversation with another crazy, abusive miner.

But in highsec, we must take the miner as we find him. Kalorned sighed, rolled up his sleeves, and got to work sorting out the mess.

BARANDYWINE claimed total innocence. She was as sweet and pure as a Mackinaw pilot could be in a 0.9 security system without a permit.

Our Agents are almost universally described as "tough, but fair". Kalorned set the miner straight. He was there to help her, but he wouldn't tolerate any nonsense.

BARANDYWINE was one of those people who likes to mine with the local window closed. She didn't want anything to compete for her attention while she was focused on mining. I guess having Kalorned's Catalyst alts pumping antimatter into her face was a little distracting.

The miner was furious at Kalorned. However, he strongly suspected there was more to BARANDYWINE's story than a lost Mackinaw. She was probably in a bad mood because she lacked the Code.

BARANDYWINE abruptly stopped speaking with Kalorned. Our Agent later deduced that at this point, she finally began to read the termination notice she'd received in her EVEmail. At the end of Kalorned's EVEmail, BARANDYWINE found what she was looking for: Svara Eir was designated as the Reimbursement Officer to talk to if she wanted to get her stuff back.

...And BARANDYWINE definitely wanted her stuff back.

Before long, an ominous window popped up on Svara Eir's screen.

To be continued...

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Kills of the Week

It was a disaster of a week for the bot-aspirants and Anti-Gankers, who suffered countless humiliating defeats. The spirit of the Code, as ever, was on full display in highsec. I can't imagine why someone wouldn't buy a mining permit these days. You owe it to yourself! With that thought in mind, from the week of February 19th @ 00:00 EVEtime through February 25th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Sally Hekki was in a really big hurry. She completely forgot to use modules of any kind on her hauling ship. Indeed, she was in such a hurry she forgot to select a proper ship to haul her 17.4 billion isk cargo. Worst of all, she forgot to buy a New Order permit. It was that last point that got her into the most trouble, because Agent Eva Mavas was on the lookout for permit-less haulers.

How do blueprint copies add up to 17.4 billion isk? When you have over a thousand of them, almost anything's possible.

It was a rough week for Star Uitra. At least, that's what I assume, because why would a happy, healthy, focused individual autopilot their 14.4 billion isk freighter through Niarja? Star was disposed of by Agents Skiff Poddington, Bint Bint, SynthiaGreey, Ricki Lake Show, Fabulous Andy, BoneyTooth Thompkins ISK-Chip, Yojiro, Gea Stormbound, Jack Fizzleblade, Turkey Baster, Git Guud Nurd, Archibald Fizzleblade, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Lawrence Lawton, Slipstream Prediouca, Ivana Freemam, Skeezy McSkeez, Industrial Regulation Supervisor, James Poddington, Schizz Popinov, Franz Fizzleblade, Hulk Poddington, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Hagen Fizzleblade, Interstellar Jihad, Hermann Fizzleblade, and Laelynn Kino.

Our Agents were pleased: They got Fortizar and Orca kills for free!

If you're the type of EVE player who likes to keep his ear to the ground--or if you happened to go to Jita--then you know I've buried the lede this week. For 'twas the week of Burn Jita, which saw the destruction of scores of freighters and jump freighters worth over half a trillion isk. A strong contingent of Imperium tourists made their way to highsec, where they were supplied with free gank ships by their nullsec overlords--and steadied by the presence of elite New Order forces. Needless to say, Estellaa picked the wrong day to bring her 16.8 billion isk jump freighter (with ORE cargo expanders, no less!) to the Jita neighborhood.

Agents Hugh Mahn, Admiral Mason, Jason Kusion, Taruga Serly, hyprviper1, Morrigan Laima, Mildron Klinker, Brodog827, ishmael Asanari, Admiral Atradies, Molly Klinker, BJBee 3894, GR13Fy, Sol oizum, Daavid Cee, Hudson Kade, Scott Houlihan, TheArtistFormerlyKnownAs Chuck, Interstellar Jihad, Moratok, DisMafugga, AvidSensei, BJBee 236, Fiddly Pop, Labam Ducati, Neuntausendeins, BJBee009, Telur Curie, Sprag, BJ4Kiddos, Gaius Hadsburg, Paladium Azoun, Eugenie Brazier, BJBee 069, Count Ragnar Danneskjold, BJBee 198, Marchio Trogdor, Ayatola Whoami, Teemo KHJ, BJBee FinalBlow, Seon Tien, BJBee 368, sup hifire, BJBee ForThePope, David Gradivus, Kyt Thrace, BJBee 8675, BJBee000, DHare3 Hellbound, Mifune SwordGod, Justin Schereau, BJBee 064, SgtCanadian Misha, BJBee 66666, Schizz Popinov...

(huff, puff)

Yoda Explosion, BJBee 101, Draunti Utrigas, BJBee 043, BJBee 654, Gan King, unholy truth, Star Motsu, Pacifyn, BJBee 659, uninstall 01, BJBee 1029, BJBee 76543, BJBee 697, Minor Nuisance, BJBee314, BJBee 760, Cheeseloving Gaoshi, BJBee251, Icedslayer Dash, TheDoctorUK, Git Guud Nurd, MrAssasin, Nicky-V, Scootercus, BJBee 785, BJBee 3247, Jewbacca Murica, BJBee 878, Kimberlay Trald, G Rod, Dragalis Miraxim, TheNurseUK, Updyke, Donna Medialis, Jiucyy Naari, BJBee 269, BJBee 783, The Pink Pansy, BJBee 5150, BJBee 606, Joco Skljoco, BJBee 0806, massiah Achasse, Major Sniper, grenus, Tiger Goodwin, BJBee 718, Norrec Lafisques, Folie1234, Ethamor, Pax Sex, Tyee 0301, Jade Theory, Nashoba, Foooka You Whale, Foooka You Dolphine, Captain Ham Solo, HSM Captain, and Natalya White performed elite PvP to score this kill.

Among other things, the jump freighter pilot was hauling a three-pack of PLEX. And people ask why Jita gets burned.

sam hassan somehow managed to fail-fit his Retriever with a capacitor tank and bloat the ship's value to 202 million isk. Don't worry, though--Agents Pod-Goo Repoman and Aaaarrgg were never going to let this one slide.

Coercers were the primary doctrine ship of Burn Jita. Perhaps it was an omen that at the beginning of this week, Arthur Timergaliev assembled a Coercer into one of the worst mining ships ever to disgrace the asteroid belts of highsec. Look at that nonsense. Agent Alexander Kirenski brought a Catalyst to the asteroid belt and showed Arthur how a destroyer is meant to be used.

After all this time, naked pods continue to streak through highsec trade routes. Leviathan I was caught autopiloting near Hek by Agent William Telluric, who has a zero-tolerance policy for unescorted pods.

Leviathan's pod traveled about as fast as a pod can go on autopilot. But it was only a matter of time before justice caught up with her.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #126

The only thing more disturbing than a lying carebear is a carebear who tells the truth. On that note, welcome to the latest edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Usually they say they were AFK "making dinner".

I wonder how many actual attorneys have been hired to look into the New Order. Apparently they all determined the Code is on solid legal footing.

Bot-aspirants are literally anti-happiness.

Being a CODE. diplomat may seem glamorous--and it is--but it's also a lot of hard work.

It's interesting that there aren't any civil rights leaders who started out as highsec miners. By contrast, it's likely that many of the current generation's brightest lights enforce the Code in their spare time.

"Newbies" say they're too new to be aware of the Code, but it sure doesn't take them long to learn the anti-Code talking points. Interesting.

Some carebears compose long-winded EVEmails, while others prefer to write short, rapid-fire messages without waiting for a reply.

At what point do miner tears cross the line into poetry?

I suppose if you're threatening Agents' families, it's still in the "tears" category.

This reminds me of the old proverb: Better to remain AFK and be thought a Goofus than to type something in local and remove all doubt.

Ekal Drows thought our Agent was a dog for some reason. Naturally, this led to him wanting to engage in PvP.

Every dog has his day, but an Agent of the New Order owns every day.

...Just something for you rebels to think about, the next time you dare to challenge the rulers of highsec.