The Best Revenge, Part 77

Previously, on MinerBumping... aiva naali aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years aka AstevonWard OverGreer aka lil bullet aka 140 and his trusty council had an intense brainstorming session to figure out a way to defeat the Imperium's enemies. Magnets were considered.

From day to day, aiva's council never knew what idea the young genius might come up with next.

One thing about aiva was predictable, though: He was always up to something.

From time to time, aiva floated some unorthodox methods for making money. His council was more traditional: If aiva wanted to earn some cash, he should get a job delivering pizzas.

Alas, aiva couldn't turn pizzas into PLEX until he earned his driver's license. And that goal was always just out of reach.

The council was confident that aiva's supercomputer of a brain was up to the task. I mean, this was the guy who had built a nuclear reactor in his garage with a box of scraps. How difficult could a driving exam be?

As always, it came down to the Code.

It was clear that aiva had been rattled by his previous failures to pass the exam. But this time, aiva had a resource that hadn't been available to him before: An elite group of the Imperium's finest intelligence operatives. And so aiva's council embarked on their most difficult assignment yet.

Getting aiva to pass a driving exam wouldn't be easy. In real life, one cannot simply play some energetic music and run a training montage. And Mr. 140 wasn't as good a student as one might assume from his IQ.

Despite the challenges, aiva's council was determined to transform the young genius into a productive citizen who could hold down a job.

Although aiva was always one question short of passing his driving exam, that one question made all the difference in the world. The harder aiva trained, the more distant his goal seemed.

aiva grew increasingly frustrated. But his council tried to keep him motivated. The man who aspired to conquer all of nullsec was no quitter. He had pulled off countless miracles in the war against Pandemic Horde. What was one more?

aiva resisted. Getting a job and earning a living sounded like a lot of work. Was it really necessary?

But aiva's council knew that in order for aiva to realize his dream of traveling across the galaxy, he would first need to be capable of transporting a pizza across town.

Of course, aiva never did things the traditional way. He was born to blaze his own trail. No matter the cost.

To be continued...

The Best Revenge, Part 76

Previously, on MinerBumping... Betrayal! aiva naali aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years was horrified by the news that the existence of his ultra-classified "nullsec internet" had been leaked to some Imperium bureaucrats.

The nullsec internet wasn't the only secret that had slipped from aiva's grasp. MinerBumping had just published Part 45 of The Best Revenge series--and it identified FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years by name! aiva's council instructed him to go to Jita and prepare to biomass the character.

Unexpectedly, aiva had grown attached to the FJGS1KY character. But for security reasons, it had to go. Along with his trusted council members, aiva went on a goodbye tour of highsec.

Although his cover identity was burned, aiva himself was still very much alive. He simply needed to create a new character under which he could continue his operations.

aiva's council helped him pick out the name.

The transition was a difficult one. aiva struggled to make regular payments into his titan fund. From time to time, he called in sick.

As the coronavirus pandemic swept the globe, aiva's council sought aiva's advice on the matter. Perhaps they could harness aiva's supercomputer of a brain to develop a cure. Then the Imperium would have a decisive advantage over its rivals.

Initially, aiva dismissed the notion of using magnets to destroy the virus. But the more he thought about it, the more the idea intrigued him.

Unfortunately, aiva's mom said no.

Fortunately, aiva himself was likely immune to the coronavirus. It was one of his many superpowers.

Dear reader, kindly forget anything aiva might have previously said about his IQ.

People give aiva a lot of nicknames, but the rule is that any nickname must relate to some outstanding achievement of aiva's. Don't go calling him "fart face" or anything like that.

Even when aiva wasn't feeling up to a task, his council encouraged him. They were his biggest cheerleaders.

Nevertheless, in aiva's mind, the virus-killing supper magnet was dead on arrival. He was simply too polite to say it outright.

140 never surrendered; he merely switched gears. And he had an almost infinite number of gears.

To be continued...

Kills of the Week

As we often reflect upon and appreciate, Agents of the New Order are known for many things: Courage, dignity, elite PvP skills, etc. They're also extremely compassionate people--often ridiculously so, given how little our enemies are deserving of said compassion. Yet each gank committed by a Code enforcer is an act of mercy, a mercy killing. Which is entirely appropriate for ships like these from the week of June 14th @ 00:00 EVEtime through June 20th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

KILLMAIL

ORE Strip Miners? Check. Blingy yield mods? Check. Midslots? Incomplete. Apollo Aegeus spent over 1.4 billion isk on a Mackinaw of all things, yet he couldn't even be bothered to tank up, much less buy a mining permit. Maybe he thought he was safe in Tourier, a 0.9 security system in the Verge Vendor region. Not so. Agents Fate and Destiny, Never Gonna SeeGrandKids, and Zopiclone made a routine patrol of the system and put this decadent carebear to death.

KILLMAIL

In recent months, the Bagodan system has become somewhat known for blingy ships. Whatever it was that brought WhiteMoon2 to the system, she was AFK at the time. Agents 1400mm Gallium Cannon, FleetJump Jump, Lovin Jr, Caldari Citizen 2116212079, Mr Lovin, Young Loving, and Taikao Isimazu were standing by with a group of Nagas and a Tornado, ready to blap the next blingy thing they saw.

KILLMAIL

Skarsnik was a classic example of the "I will protect my ship by spending lots of money on it" school of thought. But isk-tanking is totally contrary to the truths of the Code--and to common sense. While Skarsnik was busy dealing with a Triglavian NPC, the true masters of highsec were on their way: Agents Void Delivery Service, Seamus Scrapmagnet, Aiko Danuja, Shadow Cyrilus, Evil Marxist, Shadow Pearl, Your Amazing Buddy, Noll Kion, Alleil Pollard, Shadow Redemption, Whadda Badasaz, Shadow Fireball, Lisa Tears, and Shadow Defiance.

KILLMAIL

KILLMAIL

What's worse than a blingy Hulk without a permit? Try two blingy Hulks without a permit. In the same asteroid belt. Varstile Sinak and Warblazer Deadulus were simultaneously ganked by Agents Fate and Destiny, Never Gonna SeeGrandKids, Youthful Exuberance, and Zopiclone. I realize that bot-aspirants are known for being empty-headed, but what's with all of the empty mids lately?

KILLMAIL

As we saw earlier, NPCs have been aiding our Agents in whittling down the hitpoints of bot-aspirant carebears. EspionageX lost his Leshak partly due to NPCs, whereupon Agent Seamus Scrapmagnet finished off EspionageX's pod, which was worth 3.4 billion isk. If the carebear had been at his keyboard, he would no doubt have complained about not being warned. But in fact, he was. The whole system was...

KILLMAIL

Yes, others in the Kulelen system suffered the same fate. Less than an hour earlier, Moonbatter lost his Navy Raven thanks to a combination of NPCs and Agents. What happened next? You guessed it: Agent Seamus Scrapmagnet swooped in for a nice, fat pod gank.

Moonbatter's 3.4 billion isk pod with a Hydra set was slightly more expensive than the pod owned by EspionageX, who preferred Asklepians. But as every carebear ought to know by now, it doesn't matter what sort of implants you covet. What matters is the Code. And the Code says you're going to lose your implants. The Code's right: Don't waste your money on bling. Buy a mining permit before you undock!

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #212

I've got good news and bad news.

The bad news is, "CCP Falcone" probably won't be able to help you. The good news is, your message will appear on today's edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Sigh. Another petition for CCP Falcone to review.

The bot-aspirant miners of highsec would see EVE reduced to a fish tank. They are disgusting.

Freeze Shihari was reminded of the 1990s in Russia when his illegal ice-mining operation was shut down...

Ah. Now that's more like the 1990s Russia that I remember.

Some carebears wonder why we pod people. We do it for the Code. The deer, coffins, and scarecrows are just a bonus.

I won't be surprised to find a politely worded reimbursement request in my inbox later this month.

Miner, you may acquire those mining ships, but they had better stay docked up. You know what will happen.

Kill your corpmates.

"But nobody ever warned me that I might be ganked in highsec!" These miners are too AFK to notice when other whiny miners warn them in local.

But you did get to watch a show.

"Why would I obey you, if you can kill me?" These Goofuses don't even understand how government works.

This is the truth: The players we want to return to EVE are those who come back because of MinerBumping. Highsec is not a lounge for watching Netflix; it is an arena for elite PvP.

Stark Raving Mad, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... VictorStark Stark raged against Agent Aiko Danuja in local chat. VictorStark was apparently angry about losing all of his assets. But would he ever calm down?

VictorStark tracked Aiko down and berated her in local. On occasion, he used his newly impoverished main character for the purpose. But he mostly preferred to speak through his alt, Lilliana Lestrange. (Also newly impoverished.)

VictorStark felt free to say whatever he wanted to Aiko; he had nothing left to lose.

Unlike VictorStark, Aiko had friends and allies. Whenever he spotted individuals associated with Aiko, VictorStark raged against them, too.

One potential downside to using local chat as a forum: Random passersby witnessed the spectacle. They didn't side with VictorStark--though they were curious as to the source of his anger.

VictorStark had become obsessed with Aiko, the Agent to whom he'd assigned most of the blame for the loss of his assets. He read everything he could about her, including some particularly wild rumors about her exploits. (Apparently you can lose your spouse in a Bonus Room. But if you win, you become a bigamist.)

Though he was clearly upset with the Agents, VictorStark didn't want people to view him as a victim. He claimed to have upgraded his character with lots of PLEX and skill injectors.

As time went on, the Agents began to doubt VictorStark's willingness to calm down and obey the Code. He truly seemed to despise them.

VictorStark believed pretty much everything he'd heard about Aiko. However, he doubted whether she was literally a princess.

Then again, many sources spoke of Aiko's royal blood. VictorStark had to wonder.

Actually, maybe Aiko really was a princess. That would be just like the cruel, unfair world that VictorStark lived in--a world where an honest guy couldn't trash-talk an alliance and then immediately join and become a leader of it.

Most miners calm down after a few hours of crying in local. But VictorStark vowed to keep up the fight. This time, the miner's tears would continue until systemic change was accomplished.

And he didn't need to calm down. He was calm, thank you very much.

VictorStark felt he was making progress. He was harvesting tears from Aiko!

The siege would continue.

To be continued...