Monday, September 24, 2018

Tapestry of Tears, Part 20

Previously, on MinerBumping... Lahnius suffered defeat after defeat at the hands of Failed Diplomacy, which wardecced him based on the mistaken assumption that he was an undercover Code enforcer. First Lahnius lost one of his precious refineries in Nakugard. Then his alts' Navy Scorpions were killed.

No longer comfortable filling local chat with conversations between himself and his newly de-shipped alts, Lahnius returned to his favorite subject.

Lahnius explained that his original intention was not to destroy the mighty CODE. alliance, but to learn about it. What he discovered shocked and appalled him. The alliance was filled with griefers--not people who had fun blowing up spaceships.

Only one thing kept Lahnius going now: The pair of Nakugard refineries that hadn't been destroyed yet. So far, Failed Diplomacy hadn't touched them.

The rebel abandoned his plans to create "Hardcore AG". Even Lahnius could see that the Anti-Gankers were hopeless.

As Lahnius' monologue in Nakugard local chat went on, he grew more confused. Apparently he escaped from Circle-Of-Two?

Lahnius was perfectly happy to keep talking, even if there was no sign that anyone was listening. When Nakugard residents and random passersby did chime in, it guaranteed at least another hour of chatter.

Then Lahnius treated Nakugard to one of his favorite things: The unveiling of yet another long-held secret.

Though Lahnius wasn't an expert on IP addresses or internet-based espionage, he was sure of one thing: The super-spy had been able to visit MinerBumping repeatedly without being caught.

In truth, MinerBumping is EVE's favorite blog. Does anyone not read MinerBumping?

Liberated at last, Lahnius was free to accuse MinerBumping of propaganda. MinerBumping didn't report the truth about highsec; it buried any story about Lahnius' victories and accomplishments.

Lahnius took another victory lap. It's unclear what he was celebrating this time, but it must have been amazing.

Then, out of nowhere, another bombshell revelation.

To be continued...

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Kills of the Week

When you're a member of the New Order family, life in highsec is like a nonstop party--the most amazing, wonderful party you'll ever experience. However, if you choose to reject the Code instead, it's like not being at that party. It's like being in a ditch somewhere. You'd be surprised by how many carebears consciously choose the ditch. Like these Goofuses from the week of September 16th @ 00:00 EVEtime through September 22nd @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Numb Nutss threw away 3.1 billion isk on a capacitor-tanked blingy battleship. The nearest battleship-sized dumpster was too far away, so he took it to Uedama. Agents holdmybeer, holdmypleb, Pleb Tea, Kullanmuru, and Hide Yo Freighters dutifully disposed of the ship, along with its 1.2 billion isk pod.

Still not used to the new Bustard portrait. At any rate, Friend pinniped chose to take his Deep Space Transport to a 1.0 security system, which I don't really think of as "deep space". Agents Gandor Ironfist and Spazmongloid were ready to blap him with a pair of Tornadoes. The Bustard pilot lost billions for his non-compliance.

Omega Retribution Blast Zone corporation faced a triumvirate of fearsome opponents: Organic SP-Farmers Association, Mercenary Coalition, and the mighty CODE. alliance. In the end, the good guys won the wardec by trashing Omega's 10.9 billion isk Fortizar. The allied fleet consisted of Agents Chocolate Rainbow Cake, Discofitta, Sigrid Tystnad, Love Humps, Ice is Nice, Blazing Pancake, Kissemurra, Dominated, Delicate Feminine Flower, Rainbow Cake, Jathrine, dumb peyote, demigod peyote, darling peyote, Zedd Yeti, dong peyote, dabbing peyote, danish peyote, Bonobo Yeti, deadmouse five yeti, Eva Mavas, RootyTooty PointNShooty, TrippleX Ozzy, Kermakakku, Inner Drive, DeathBunny, Tytalus Warden, and Improved Fortnight, who brought an impressive number of Leshaks to the fight.

Some people never learn. Sarah Lipton is one of those people. Her jump freighter was left unattended in Jita, home to some of the most courageous gankers you'll ever have the pleasure of meeting. Sarah was AFK, but the gankers managed to have a meaningful interaction with her anyway: Joel Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Franz Fizzleblade, Jayden Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jason Kusion, Walther Fizzleblade, Matt18001, Hermann Fizzleblade, Jack Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Jake Kusion, Richard Gold, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Jack Paut, Jacob Kusion, Hagen Fizzleblade, Jeremiah Kusion, Erich Fizzleblade, Jeremy Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Lutz Fizzleblade, Joshua Kusion, Piou Pew, Archibald Fizzleblade, Lich Terminus, Johnathan Kusion, Menkooro Nostro, and MakeHighsec GreatAgain.

I suppose if you want to lose a bunch of money but you're afraid of Uedama, you can always go to Jita. Characternumber210492 also lost a staggering amount of isk in a Jita jump freighter: 32.7 billion isk. He was defeated in honourable combat by Agents Templer Three, Lutz Fizzleblade, Lanse Lot, Justin Kusion, Jason Kusion, Walther Fizzleblade, Joel Kusion, Ciek Ciekawski, Jayson Kusion, LordPepstores, Johnathan Kusion, Jake Kusion, Piou Pew, Franz Fizzleblade, Templer Two, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Ilvari, Hermann Fizzleblade, Yojiro, Hagen Fizzleblade, Jack Fizzleblade, Jack Paut, Emergent Gameplay, Archibald Fizzleblade, Templer One, Jackson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Erich Fizzleblade, Joshua Kusion, Dry Tears, Gottfried Fizzleblade, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, Templer Eight, SKAfan, JF Poddington, Templer Six, Lich Terminus, Jayden Kusion, Syzzel, Anime Wasa Mistake, Joseph Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Templer Four, Templer Seven, Jeremy Kusion, Templer Five, xter Roling, Zebidiah Uta, and Miraille.

The ship contained two Fortizars--saving our wardeccers a wardec fee or two.

Johny Bouchac brought his 2.5 billion isk Tengu to a "Rogue Swarm event". Without a permit, however, Johny himself was the rogue. Agent Ernst Steinitz saw to it that the Tengu was destroyed. Apparently Johny was asleep at the switch, because he also allowed himself to lose a 5.9 billion isk pod to Agent Ernst in the aftermath.

You know, it occurs to me that Johny could've been glorifying the Code instead of spending all of his time engaged in senseless PvE. What a waste.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

The Career Agent, Part 1

Certain systems in highsec are designated as "rookie systems", which have special rules that CCP put in place to protect new players. Some are "starter systems", where new players spawn in when their characters are created. Others, despite having lower security status, are classified as "career agent systems". Akiainavas is one of them.

There are good reasons to believe that some older, crustier bot-aspirants deliberately do their mining in the rookie systems. The Agents of the New Order are constantly watching, monitoring, scanning.

Agent Ernst Steinitz went on patrol in the Akiainavas system. What he found was disturbing, to say the least.

Ernst learned that illegal miners were using blingy drones in the system--despite those drones being forbidden by the Code!

Our Agent conducted a sweep of the system, confiscating an estimated 2.7 billion isk worth of contraband.

He also made sure to kill the miners involved, including one Mick O'niel.

Mick has been playing EVE for over four years. Somehow he hadn't learned to fit his ships properly or obey the Code. After all these years, Mick was mining in highsec and doing a really bad job of it.

Mick pouted. He felt he was contributing something to the game. Maybe, but only because he'd been ganked and his drones had been recovered by a real player.

The miner refused to purchase a permit--for now. He did learn one thing, though: It wasn't safe to mine in Akiainavas.
EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Isanamo
Ernst Steinitz > Mick O'niel o7. Are you up for some Elite PvP?
Mick O'niel > Isanamo XIV - Moon 14
Mick O'niel > eat shit
Mick O'niel > come here
Just a few days later, Agent Ernst came across Mick in the Isanamo system.
Ernst Steinitz > Why are you no longer mining in Akiainavas? Was the insurance money not sufficient to purchase a new Covetor?
Mick O'niel > u are a pussy fair play
Mick O'niel > u sound off about ur corp like u live by its mantra
Mick O'niel > but ur full of shit
Ernst Steinitz > Please calm down miner.
Our Agent was eager to catch up with the miner, but Mick wasn't feeling as nostalgic.
Mick O'niel > durp durp u got nothing have ya
Ernst Steinitz > I got everything from your ship on Saturday.
Mick O'niel > order are about keeping order by ganking AFK miners that reduce value in the money system u jumped me for no good reason
Ernst Steinitz > You were stealing the ore of new players by hiding in a rookie system in addition to using illegal Mining modules and not having a valid Mining Permit.
Mick O'niel > fuck off with ur nobble attitude
It seems that Mick had been spending his time wallowing in anti-Code propaganda, rather than trying to engage in self-improvement.
Mick O'niel > ur full of shit
Mick O'niel > i cant run missions and get isk im locked out i got to make isk what way i can
Mick O'niel > you and ur shit head crew ganked me for no good reason
Ernst Steinitz > How are you currently making ISK then?
Mick O'niel > im not fuck piece!
Mick's career in EVE was going nowhere, and he knew it. What he needed was an Agent who could act as a life coach. Could Ernst save Mick from a life of misery and irrelevance?

To be continued...

Friday, September 21, 2018

The Code in Italian

What's this? The Code in Italian?


You can thank Agent Mordred Redeye for The Code in Italian translation. The Code is now available in nine different languages: Chinese, Czech, English, French, German, Italian, Russian, Spanish, and Turkish. Just another sign of our extraordinary dominance in EVE. CCP may be cutting back on foreign language support, but the New Order only grows more accessible.

Nine languages! And to think, the Anti-Gankers can't even write properly in one.

Code merch? You never know. We've seen bumper stickers and laminated mining permits before.


Agent CiXiang Reytzenstein has crafted another piece of Code artwork:

Once we've filtered out all of the non-compliance and bot-aspirancy, highsec will be a sight to behold.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

If You Ignore Them, They'll Go Away

If you're going to come up with an excuse for not buying a mining permit, "I only have 10 million isk" is a really bad one.

spartan cero lost his Venture. Despite having plenty of money for a permit, he chose not to purchase one from Agent Lewak. Instead, the miner decided to buy a new Venture and augment its defenses.


Some miners complain that they weren't warned about the Code before being ganked. It's an unpersuasive excuse, especially after they get ganked the second time.

...In the same system. In the same asteroid belt. In the same hour.

Every Agent loves an opportunity to name-drop the Saviour of Highsec. Without realizing it, spartan cero created one.

The miner's ignorance suggested that he was a new player. Actually, he'd been playing EVE for several months before he was ganked. In that time, the only thing he'd learned about the game was misinformation.

Agent Lewak defeated spartan cero in spaceship PvP and verbal PvP. Now the miner wanted a rematch--in verbal PvP, at least. He attempted to craft some sort of rhetorical trap.

...But whatever line of questioning spartan was attempting to set up, he dropped it. My name triggered him, I think.

The Code is the only thing happening in highsec, the most populated area of EVE. As it always does, it attracted attention. Content!

The nine-month EVE veteran believed that a poorly fit Venture was his only path to success. Lewak knew better: The only thing spartan needed in order to prosper in the game was the Code. And Lewak had already given it to him, twice.

"The mighty CODE. alliance only wants attention. If everyone ignores them, they'll get bored and go away." Such was the thinking of the bot-aspirant carebears... in 2012. It's hard to be more wrong than that. In fact, CODE. is one of the few organizations in EVE from 2012 that still exists today, and we grow more powerful and more relevant every day.

The miner logged off in a huff, leaving our Agent to sum up the day's events for everyone watching in local chat:

No one can, in good faith, seriously recommend to another player that they should attempt to resist the Code. It doesn't work. It never has and it never will. The only proven path to prosperity is compliance.


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Perfect Code, Perfect Process

Highsec is such an orderly place these days--and it's all thanks to the Code.

Consider this gank. Was the destruction of this Retriever a senseless act of violence? Random griefing? Bullying? Or--heaven forbid--torture?

On the contrary. Each and every gank is thoroughly vetted. An extensive process takes place before and after the gank to ensure that no reasonable complaint can be made. And it's always done perfectly.

Consider the case of Nakari Gufrai. He had a mining permit. The rebels and Anti-Gankers and bot-aspirant apologists out there will tell you that a New Order mining permit is worthless. They'll insist that you're just as likely to be ganked following the Code as not following it. "Being at your keyboard doesn't make a difference." But look at what actually happened here.

Agent Lawrence Lawton's conduct couldn't be questioned by any reasonable, rational person. Adding an extra layer of protection, Agent Guybertini (who issued the original permit to Nakari) was immediately contacted so that he could review the matter himself.

Nakari was given a post-gank interview to see if there was anything Agent Lawrence missed. Despite being a ganked permit-holder, Nakari couldn't complain. He didn't have any grounds for complaint, and he knew it.

Nevertheless, some of the miner's worst instincts came to the surface.

As an emergency measure, our Agent deployed the name of the Saviour of Highsec.

For the worst miners, hearing my name will make them squeal with rage. For the better miners, it makes them open their wallets.

Everything worked out just fine. So much for all those horror stories you hear from the theme park advocates about bullying and harassment.

Guybertini had just learned of Nakari's permit revocation when he received news that the miner had paid up again. The New Order is extraordinarily efficient.

Nakari proudly presented his shiny new permit. He didn't have a problem with the way he was treated. Why should anyone else? When it comes to criminal justice, the Code and its enforcers are the gold standard. Everyone has a lot to learn from us.