Thursday, April 19, 2018

The Reading Dead, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Former Mackinaw owner Skewwi could not calm down. He'd been justly ganked by Minx Mattel while "reading a thriller novel". Days after the gank, Skewwi was still sending angry EVEmails to the righteous Agent. With no obvious alternative, Minx Mattel chose to invite the miner to the MinerBumping channel.

MinerBumping is known for having the most intelligent, thoughtful group of people of any chat channel in EVE. Skewwi spat in their faces rather than listening to their wisdom.

It became apparent that Skewwi hadn't joined the channel in order to surround himself with good influences. Rather, he joined because he'd assumed that the Saviour of Highsec himself would be present.

Upon review of the channel's current members, Skewwi discovered that the Saviour was busy being awesome somewhere else. Now what?

Rebels are good at alienating people--even other miners. Skewwi busily put a torch to every bridge he could find.

Skewwi lashed out at everyone in the channel. Days earlier, he'd claimed that he didn't mind losing the Mackinaw. Yet he was getting surlier by the minute.

Now the miner became what he feared most: A spectacle, a joke to entertain the gankers he so despised.

If Skewwi had hoped he could persuade anyone to his way of thinking(?), that was looking pretty unlikely. Public opinion in MinerBumping was clearly against the unruly miner.

Skewwi was frothing with rage. He hated being corrected.

The miner returned to linking GIFs of middle fingers and toilet paper. He gave up.

Like so many other rebels, Skewwi's bio reflected his decision to base his entire identity around his opposition to the Code.

The next day, Skewwi was still furious--especially since he hadn't heard from the Saviour.

It was the second time Skewwi compared me to "Negan". For those who don't understand the reference, Negan is a character on the hit TV series "The Walking Dead". I admit that I haven't seen every episode, but as far as I can tell, Negan is the show's hero. A tragic figure--too forgiving for his own good--Negan attempts to restore some semblance of order to a post-apocalyptic world, only to be opposed by a harebrained rebel named Rick who gets a lot of people killed unnecessarily.

Agent Galaxy Pig once made some artwork that seems particularly relevant here, so that will close out this post:

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

The Reading Dead, Part 1

I remember when scouting and warp-ins and DPS were the challenging parts of ganking. Now it's all about trying to find a decent target.

Mackinaws don't last very long in highsec these days, and Skewwi's was no exception.

Agent Minx Mattel contacted the miner to let him know that he hadn't been randomly ganked; he had deserved to lose his ship. Skewwi resisted the notion.

Skewwi attempted to keep a stiff upper lip. But was he as unaffected by the loss of his Mackinaw as he claimed?

The miner was rattled enough to admit his guilt. Instead of focusing on a video game, he'd been rotting his brain by reading some book. Maybe if he played EVE correctly--instead of mining all day--he could've written his own thrilling story. Like our Agents do.

After terminating the convo, Skewwi may have gone back to reading--but not before sending me an EVEmail. I get messages like this all the time. They lack context, but I know they mean my Agents are doing a good job saving highsec.

Days later, Skewwi was still stewing about the loss of his Mackinaw. A "minor annoyance", indeed.

The miner began to send Agent Minx links to various GIFs to express how little he cared about being ganked.

...And how little respect he had for the Code. The very Code that could've prevented his loss.

It seemed that Skewwi was one of those Benjamin Button type miners: They get angrier the more time that passes since the gank.

Skewwi's profane reference to the Saviour of Highsec confirmed that he was a Goofus. Agent Minx concluded that drastic action needed to be taken.

...He invited the miner to the MinerBumping channel.

To be continued...

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Marshalling a Defense

Time to talk about that Marshal kill.

Arabella Meyer's was one of two Marshals ganked by the mighty CODE. alliance last week. Though less expensive at a mere 25.9 billion isk, Arabella's definitely had the worse fit. Or perhaps I ought to say "worst fit", since it would be difficult to imagine any Marshal with a worse one. Not only is it capacitor-tanked, it has gyrostabilizers, which are plainly not the module to pair with a rack of fireworks launchers.

Arabella is the CEO of Damned Fighters. The corp's description suggests a lot of confidence. Maybe the Marshal was some sort of joke, and was intended as a sacrifice when it undocked from Jita 4-4?

The gankers in question were Australian Excellence, brainlet, and a few members of the Tax Collector family. Five Tornadoes were used to bring down the Marshal. Several hours after the gank, Arabella congratulated our Agent--better late than never.

It seems that Arabella didn't lose her 26 billion isk ship on a lark; she regretted its destruction. It's possible that Arabella intended to equip the Marshal with proper weapons after creating a fireworks display in Jita. (As it turned out, her ship didn't need the launchers for that.)

Now Arabella sought to recover her massive loss through space lawyering. Agent Australian gave her a list of some of her Code violations. It wasn't an exhaustive one, obviously, since you could fill a book with the things Arabella did wrong. Afterward, Australian brought up the "blue pass", a service he and some other Agents provide to help facilitate travel in trade hubs.

Rebels like to say our Agents can't make a difference, but on this day they had put the fear of the Code into Arabella. She wasn't willing to undock until she'd heard directly from the Saviour of Highsec.

In fact, Arabella hadn't yet sent me an EVEmail. As soon as her convo with Australian ended, though, she immediately went to work composing one.

Arabella opened by giving credit to the bumper, which was thoughtful. They rarely get their due. Well done, Agent CODE Permit Enforcer.

Despite previously telling Australian that the gank was "fairly run", Arabella insisted that she had been wrongfully ganked and was in full compliance with the Code. If that was the position she wanted to take, she probably should've purchased a mining permit. It was probably also a mistake to link her lossmail, since the ship she lost didn't exactly scream Code compliance.

As she approached the conclusion of her EVEmail, Arabella hinted at foul play on the part of the gankers. Once again she appeared to be backpedaling; a few paragraphs earlier she'd conceded that the death was legitimate under CCP's rules.

At this point it was clear that Arabella deserved to be ganked. The possibility of her receiving 26 billion in reimbursement isk was very remote indeed. But then, as always, the carebear took further action--just to erase all doubt:

Arabella was caught on Discord confessing to the filing of frivolous petitions against our Agents--with the intention of getting them banned! Doesn't she know that it's bad for CCP's revenues when people get banned? I thought carebears were all about player retention.

What a Goofus. At least the GMs will be treated to viewing a juicy killmail.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 45

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned bump-tackled a Mission Ready Mining miner, allowing a member of The Marmite Collective to take advantage of the active wardec. After countless humiliations, MRM was ready to strike back. A fleet of MRM combat vessels dropped onto the grid and attacked the Marmite.

The tackled Marmite managed to hold on as a small number of other Marmites responded to his distress call. There was no going back now.

Kalorned traded his bumping ship for an Orthrus, hoping to join the fray. The Marmites were heavily outnumbered, and Kalorned yearned for Mission Ready Mining blood. Unfortunately, all he could do was lock targets and view the action, as everyone was either engaged in wardec-sanctioned combat or remote-repping.

The remote-repping slowed things down, but Kalorned could sense that things were not going well for his Marmite allies; the weight of MRM numbers was beginning to tell. But Kalorned had something that the MRM pilots did not--something even the Marmites didn't have.

I am speaking, of course, of the Code.

Kalorned swooped in next to isca, a non-MRM member of MRM's alliance, Fly Fearless. Perhaps because he wasn't a member of MRM proper, isca was effective; his Dominix was a workhorse in the battle. It also happened to be using smartbombs. When our Agent approached the Dominix, he was hit by the smartbombs, triggering a reaction from CONCORD. Kalorned had bumped the Dominix to its death.

The unexpected destruction of isca's Dominix changed everything. Though still outnumbered, the Marmites had a chance to tip the scales in their favor.

Slowly but surely, the Marmites whittled down the MRM fleet.

At last, only the MRM Navy Scorpion remained. Its tank could no longer hold.

Just as the Navy Scorpion gave up the ghost, a latecomer from MRM arrived on the field. He was easily destroyed. Though MRM had thousands of members on its rolls and ambitions to rule Gelhan, no other reinforcements were willing to show up. The battle of Gelhan was over.

The result was a staggering victory. MRM had failed to destroy even a single ship during the battle. (The only losses on the zKillboard battle report were a pair of Kalorned's alt's suicide gank Catalysts.) As for MRM forces, they were completely wiped out.

More than a dozen MRM combat ships, totaling 1.6 billion isk, were destroyed in the battle. Gelhan was littered with their wrecks. The ships--and Mission Ready Mining's dreams of "liberating" Gelhan--were in tatters.

MRM members were dour in local. They'd finally seen action in EVE, and they didn't like it.

General Lemming and his fellow Marmites slowly filed into local chat to offer "gfs". As for MRM, they still bitterly cursed the New Order and the Marmites for colluding.

There was no denying it now. Mission Ready Mining corp had brought everything they had--that is, everything they were willing to bring--and they'd lost completely. The Code had won in Gelhan. The CODE always wins. Always!

To be continued...

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Kills of the Week

We've got a limited amount of time and a lot to cover, so let's dive right in. From the week of April 8th @ 00:00 EVEtime through April 14th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Who doesn't love a Marshal killmail? Ci'Fera got himself blapped to the tune of 29 billion isk when he undocked from Jita 4-4. As we know from the Code, Marshals require permits, and Ci'Fera didn't have one. Operating on pure instinct, Agents patyooki, Daniel Chanline, brainlet, erobb, James BIG BONED, PogChampion, Shy Elf Trap, trumblr ptsd immediately attacked the Marshal with their Tornadoes.

That's a shame. But I'd only have sympathy for C'Fera if I could believe for one second that he cared more about the dog.

A 25.9 billion isk Marshal was also killed this week, but we'll have more to say about that later.

Banshee Blaze tried tanking up her Mackinaw--but only to a point. She couldn't resist yield and bling. Therefore, she fell short of the Code's requirements, and Agents Ilithyia Borgia, Mal Warre, and Sigrid Freud had little choice but to kill her and take a bunch of her stuff.

It was a bad week for blingy Macks. A 1.2 billion isk Mackinaw was also ganked--while carrying an Orca blueprint of all things.

Derek Bellamy had 5.7 billion isk worth of cargo to move, so naturally he chose to do move it with an unfit Badger. Agents brainlet and Daniel Chanline had no trouble piercing the hauler's tank (or lack thereof). And it's too bad irony doesn't appear on killmails, because this Badger would've been worth plenty of irony points: The ship's expensive cargo consisted of tank modules.

Jita was hit hard this week, and the jump freighters didn't get a break from it. Arwen Everstar's ORE-fit Rhea blandly stumbled through Jita, only to run into a bunch of heavy hitters from the mighty CODE. alliance: Agents Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Stroheim, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Richard, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Fuemi, brainlet, Australian Excellence, Trump The King, Dr Hattrick, and Kill The Innocents. Unfortunately for Arwen, she was AFK at the time. I'm sure she would've been impressed by the sight of the gank fleet otherwise.

Remember when EVE's marketing team had that whole "Butterly Effect" campaign? The people on that marketing team probably don't work for CCP anymore, but thanks to our Agents, the butterfly effect is alive and well in EVE. Lovelyhall Harkonnen's 28 million isk Retriever was spotted mining alongside an Orca alt. The Retriever was ganked by Agent Malbona Pomon, who was pleasantly surprised by the Retriever's 1.2 billion isk pod. Sadly, our Agents didn't have the firepower needed to dispose of the Orca alt. Or did they?

When Erasmus Corrin saw his alt getting ganked, he activated his contingency plan: A burst jammer.

This is why burst jammers aren't very useful in highsec.

Solettin threw caution to the wind, sending her 6.9 billion isk Obelisk to its death in the notorious ganker haven of Niarja. Agent Sasha Cohenberg was standing by to remove the freighter's pod. Another 2.9 billion isk down the drain for Solettin.

Personally, I'd say a freighter pilot could do without implants like these. Now Solettin has a chance to test my theory.