Friday, December 13, 2019

Tormented Miner, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Lewak received angry EVEmails from Pythos Torment, a highsec miner who held an irrational grudge against our Agent after being killed by him.

Pythos threatened to send salt to Agent Lewak each day. In this way, the miner hoped to get her revenge.

Sensing that Lewak was not yet defeated, Pythos redoubled her efforts.

Several minutes later, Pythos' anger manifested itself in a tithe. What had the miner done?

Pythos placed a bounty on Lewak's head, but it was lost in the sea of isk already placed there by other frustrated carebears.

A few hours later, Pythos finally read the Code--or made an attempt, anyway. After examining the Code, Pythos came up with the original strategy of accusing Lewak of not following it. If our Agent didn't retract the bounty he'd placed on Pythos, the miner would tell the whole world about Lewak's Code violations.

Apparently the "mark of 315" was bothering Pythos--further confirmation that Pythos was indeed a Goofus.

The next day, Pythos renewed her correspondence with Lewak. The miner had yet to calm down.

A day later, Pythos had a big update: She now had powerful friends in nullsec. And their first priority was to take down Lewak once and for all.

At last, Pythos had her revenge. Nearly 57 thousand isk had been collected by bounty hunters:

Said bounty was collected as part of a CONCORD killmail when Lewak's gank Catalyst was destroyed. As you might guess from the presence of CONCORD on the killmail, Lewak succeeded in his gank. In other words, a random passerby got a tiny reward for doing nothing, and Pythos lost a small amount of isk for no reason. Bounty system working as intended.

Pythos tried to talk herself into being happy, but her feelings of joy over the bounty payout were overwhelmed by the poison in her soul--her hatred for Lewak. For you see, when a highsec miner embarks on a journey of revenge, he must first dig two graves: One for himself, and the other to remain empty because our Agent is being awesome somewhere else.

Thursday, December 12, 2019

Tormented Miner, Part 1

The bot-aspirant carebear, in his wickedness, accuses our Agents of bullying, griefing, and harassment. But good luck finding a trace of those things in Agent Lewak's standard post-gank EVEmail:

Agents of the New Order provide gank recipients with an opportunity to prove their worth.

Most miners, sadly, demonstrate that they are not yet ready for EVE.

In EVE, reading comprehension is a must. And so is the Code.

Alas, too many miners lack even the ambition to be a proper player. They try to avoid ganks by declaring themselves too pitiful to be fired upon.

As Agent Lewak was conducting a patrol of New Order territory, he came across Pythos Torment. She was mining without a permit, so she died. Lewak sent Pythos a standard EVEmail and waited to see whether the miner was cut out for EVE.

Lewak carefully studied her reply. He noticed some warning signs.

Our Agents are a compassionate breed. Lewak gave Pythos the benefit of the doubt, reasoning that perhaps there were extraordinary circumstances preventing the miner from being her best. So he reached out to her and gave her a second chance.

But there were more warning signs.

Lewak cautioned the miner. He had been kind to her, but he would brook no nonsense. There was the Code to consider.

At this point, our Agent began to seriously consider the possibility that Pythos was a Goofus. If so, selling her a mining permit might prove difficult.

Pythos sent additional EVEmails, each one seemingly confirming her status as a treasonous little Goofus. Agent Lewak needed to be sure, though. So he name-dropped the Saviour of Highsec to see what effect it would have:

The game was afoot.

To be continued...

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Over Two Trillion Four Billion in Shares Sold

As I say often, people buy shares in the New Order for all sorts of reasons.

Let me give you a little piece of advice, dear reader. If you think you hear crystals telling you to buy shares in the New Order, you buy shares in the New Order.

Donatien Alphonse Francois gets it. He bought 1,000 more shares on behalf of Stable Veldspar, which took us past the 2,004 billion isk mark and earned the ore another Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Good crystals.


Good things are happening all over highsec. A very small percentage of those good things get filmed.

A miner is never more open to positive change than when he has just lost his mining ship--or when he has witnessed another miner lose one.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

The Best Revenge, Part 21

Previously, on MinerBumping... aiva naali's meteoric rise came with a price: He needed to invest ever-increasing amounts of money into the Imperium's ship-building program. But at the end of it all, he was promised a glorious titan flagship.

aiva had been successful in raising the billions of isk needed for the Imperium to begin construction of his titan. Now he could return to his primary mission: Planning the war against Pandemic Horde.

As always, aiva's entourage politely listened as he brainstormed more strategies.

Most recently, aiva paid 5 billion isk into the titan fund. Realizing that he would likely be called upon to make additional contributions in the future, aiva kept one eye on the Jita market.

aiva was satisfied that he had become the Imperium's foremost authority in secret weapons, warfare, and economics. But aiva had other interests, as well.

aiva admired The Mittani, who at this point was probably the only person in the Imperium who outranked him. aiva had taken to listening to recordings of The Mittani's speeches.

One wonders: After rising through the ranks so rapidly, did aiva consider the possibility that he might take The Mittani's place? Even for a moment?

With his flagship already in production, aiva prepared for the day that he would lead the Imperium's fleet into battle. Hopefully that day would come soon.

Days passed. aiva's titan was not yet complete. As he anticipated, aiva needed to invest additional isk into the project--the scope of which had widened somewhat.

Since some of aiva's secret weapons involved the use of at least one Nyx, it was decided that aiva should buy one of those, too. The Imperium's builders just needed a few billion more isk to get started.

Of course, there was also the matter of the Goon security check. Though he already occupied a position of great power and importance in the Imperium, he was not yet technically a member. The weeks-long process still hadn't reached its conclusion.

One of the open items: aiva had to draw another picture of a dolphin.

But no obstacle, however great, would stand in the way of aiva's destiny.

To be continued...

Monday, December 9, 2019

The Best Revenge, Part 20

Previously, on MinerBumping... aiva naali's efforts on behalf of the Imperium did not go unnoticed. aiva was delighted to hear that The Mittani wanted him to pilot the Imperium's flagship and lead the coalition's forces into battle. Unfortunately, this would require aiva to buy a very expensive ship.

aiva's colleagues estimated that the price of the flagship titan would be at least 70 billion isk--far beyond aiva's current resources. This meant that aiva would need to become an EVE market tycoon overnight.

Until now, aiva had never been very interested in isk; his primary concerns were military strategy and secret weapons. But once he unleashed his mind upon the subject, aiva quickly began brainstorming ways to get rich.

Of course, aiva's initial plans were highly theoretical. Many of them involved destroying Pandemic Horde's asteroid belts with stealth bombers--a concept that was as yet untested.

In the meantime, aiva continued to scrape together whatever isk he could. It was slow work: aiva had accumulated just 60 million isk, an amount he was called upon to surrender anyway.

What aiva and his team needed was a shortcut. Agent Aiko Danuja, going by "Vom" on Discord, found one.

According to Aiko, the Imperium was able to produce titans at a tiny fraction of the original 70 billion isk estimate. Aiko proposed buying titans from The Mittani at this discounted price, and then selling the titans to the enemy. It was a morally dubious proposition--arguably treasonous--but aiva did not hesitate to approve it.

aiva got into the habit of giving everyone minute-by-minute updates on his highsec ice mining activities. (The blessed Halaima system thwarted him.)

After consulting with his friends in the New Order, aiva learned that he could start building a titan after paying them just 3 billion isk. It was a great relief; aiva was far more optimistic about his ability to gather this sum.

When not engaged in mining or writing status reports about mining, aiva drew up battle plans for the Imperium. No one could find any fault in them. I mean, this is aiva we're talking about.

Aiko and company were more interested in getting status reports about aiva's wallet, however. The 3 billion isk estimate had been revised to 4 billion, but aiva was confident he could obtain it.

Once they had the funds, the Imperium's titan builders could begin work on aiva's flagship. It would be a sight to behold.

Now was the time to be aggressive, both financially and militarily. If the Imperium struck while the iron was hot, Pandemic Horde would surely be defeated.

Before long, aiva managed to get 5 billion isk, which he immediately paid into the titan fund. Victory was on the horizon.

To be continued...