Monday, December 31, 2018

Before I Forget, Part 1

I've got a protip for all you miners out there--and because it's Christmas, even the illegal ones...

...When someone like this enters the system, cease mining. Of course, it's difficult to pay attention to local when you're AFK.

On Christmas Eve, Kondonkle III BompdinkinII found himself mining without a permit in the Poinen system. He died.

In fact, Kondonkle got ganked so hard it knocked him into his next corp. Kondonkle and his friend dropped corp and joined a new one. Perhaps he was trying to evade detection. Or maybe he thought joining a new corp would make him look more like a newbie.

Regardless, our heroes were able to track down Kondonkle and friend. It wasn't difficult; they were still in Poinen. Both of their ships were destroyed. Merry Christmas!
Kondonkle III BompdikinII > I am fucking new to this game and all my shit was destroyed in this system
Kondonkle III BompdikinII > i got no money now and am stuck with this shitty ass game that has no pay off in the end
Kondonkle III BompdikinII > so now im just going to go to high sec and waste hours of my fucking day mining bullshit for bullshit money
Slutzilla > you are already in high sec
Slutzilla > maybe you should have bought a permit.... or tried another system?
After five months in EVE, Kondonkle still considered himself new. He was deeply disappointed with the game; he didn't think EVE had much to offer.

Judging by the way Kondonkle spoke about his EVE experience, he was probably getting ready to unsubscribe--which would've taken CCP one step further away from its business goals. It's a good thing Agent Slutzilla showed up when she did.

Our Agent was about to introduce Kondonkle to a whole new world. He'd never see highsec or EVE Online the same way again. Maybe then he'd have a reason to stick around.

Despite investing several months into the game, Kondonkle didn't even know where he was: Code country.

The rebels accuse gankers of "griefing" EVE players. Frankly, our Agents don't have time to grief. They're too busy teaching people how to play the game.

Everyone should know the rule: Never fly a ship you can't afford to lose. And if you don't intend to obey the Code, never fly a ship, period.

Agent Slutzilla challenged Kondonkle on his claim of being "new": If he was really new, he should be running rookie missions. I like the way Slutzilla thinks. Anyone who gets caught doing something other than running a rookie mission can't claim protected status.

The miner was only getting more frustrated and impatient. Clearly, Slutzilla wasn't getting through to him. Could our Agent think of a way to retain Kondonkle's subscription and bring him into compliance with the Code?

To be continued...

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Kills of the Week

The EVE community was shocked this week by the destruction of Agent Velsharoon's Fiend, a special Alliance Tournament prize ship valued at 150 billion isk. EVE players were amazed that someone would actually risk such a valuable ship in combat. Those of us in the mighty CODE. alliance, on the other hand, were not surprised. We know that ships are meant to be used--not left sitting in a glass case somewhere. As the old CODE. saying goes, it's not the ship, it's the man. Whenever an Agent undocks something, he intends for it to one day die a glorious death. (In the case of gank ships, "one day" is usually a minute later.)

Carebears, on the other hand, treasure their bling and keep it tucked away in highsec, where they expect it will remain 100% safe even while they're AFK. Our task is to awaken them. A few examples, from the week of December 23rd @ 00:00 EVEtime through December 29th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Belfi Gor loaded up a 26.8 billion isk jump freighter and sent it to Jita, where she expected sentry guns and CONCORD to look after it while she was away. Instead, the ship was ambushed by Agents Tax Collector Richard, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Aruka, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Max, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Johnathan Kusion, Jake Kusion, Joel Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Homoerotic Finger Painting, FidgetSpinning, and Succulent Spodumain. Our Agents took good care of the Nomad.

Haley Harkonnen, too, autopiloted her blingy jump freighter to Jita--a system that's beginning to feel a lot like Uedama. A gank armada was on standby: Agents Taxman Daniel, Joel Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Tax Collector Hill, Jackson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Tax Collector HongMei, Jake Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Joshua Kusion, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector BokChoy, Joseph Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Tax Collector Aruka, Australian Excellence, Homoerotic Finger Painting, FidgetSpinning, and Succulent Spodumain.

The Loot Fairy was cruel; of the 20 billion isk worth of cargo and modules, only 1 million isk dropped. Nevertheless, our Agents were happy to see the 'Excavator' drones dealt with, one way or another.

rokie164 presented our Agents with a riddle: What's a 4.7 billion isk marauder doing in a 1.0 security system? Agents Votre Dieu, Narl' Amhar, Rungerd, Astrid Tyrfing, Wilhelm Scylding, and Ingrid Scylding had an answer: Dying to a squad of gank Tornadoes.

Assuming Duncan420 was at his keyboard when it happened, he was shocked to see a CODE. fleet in nullsec. After all, Reddit had always assured him that CODE. would never go there. Yet Agents Intigo, CtrlFreak, lady labia, cuffdawg, WaTeR Ubersnol, TigR Kashada, Kadesh Priestess, Tawa Suyo, Pete Tomaszewski, Tiamat Key, Tikktokk Tokkzikk, Ithor Omanid, and Beandog killed Duncan420's supercarrier all the same. Trusting fake news can be deadly.

BuzzFan had two passions: Decadent modules and empty module slots. These two passions came into conflict, of course. The miner compromised by leaving some of his Mackinaw slots empty, while filling the others with bling. However, this arrangement left Agents Malagong Karagalan, Lewak, and Minx Mattel dissatisfied. They came up with a better solution: Enforce the Code and get rid of the Mackinaw entirely.

Oops! Maximus EnvictoTalon lost a 10 billion isk Bowhead, only to have Agent Demi Blanco gank his 3.6 billion isk pod, too. Despite everything going on in Jita these days, our Agents still keep a close eye on Uedama.

Silly Bowhead pilot. Should've bought a permit instead.

Saturday, December 29, 2018

The Miner's Point of View

"Saviour of Highsec" is an interesting job. As one of my many duties, I read the EVEmails that people send me--or as many of them as I can. You might be surprised how often people across highsec feel the need to unburden themselves to me. I hear their confessions.

Today, I will print one of the essays I received recently. It was penned by Veekay Tehsu, who has a different perspective than that which we normally get on MinerBumping. You see, Veekay admits to having been a highsec miner--and an illegal miner at that.

Though we'll read about Veekay's history as a miner in a moment, Veekay pledged her support to the Code. If she were a bot-aspirant today, she might be too AFK to write anything (unless fueled by anguish in the immediate aftermath of a gank).

One of the common threads we see among unlicensed carebears is their faith in anarchy--but only in highsec. They say "highsec mining is free" and other nonsense along those lines, though they wouldn't dare mine illegally in the real world. Or in nullsec.

The bot miner, sadly, doesn't read as much MinerBumping as they should.

A good way of separating decent miners from bot-aspirants is that the former are invariably excited by the prospect of buying a permit, once they give it a little thought. They know that mining needs to be regulated. Also, decent miners tend to stop mining when presented with alternatives by a mentor.

Here we get a glimpse of Veekay's history. And the killmail:

The gank took place way back in 2011, in the pre-Code era. Veekay used a solo smartbombing Megathron. I wouldn't recommend trying that today, after so many nerfs to ganking.

Agent Ophidia Black ganked Veekay's Hulk after Veekay returned to the game in 2013. The mighty CODE. alliance was still relatively young at that point--but already extraordinarily powerful.

The Code is indeed a fast-acting medicine: Within hours of being ganked, Veekay assisted our Agents in killing other miners.

I'm amused whenever carebears complain about Agents using multiple clients to perform ganks. Multiboxing for the purpose of ganking has always been permitted by the Code--encouraged, even.

What can we learn from this essay? Miners, you'll only ever find happiness and fulfillment once you put down your mining lasers and open your wallets--and hearts--to the Code.

Friday, December 28, 2018

Over One Trillion Six Hundred Fifty Billion in Shares Sold

One of the things EVE Online is known for is its unique player-driven economy. Right now, New Order shares are the hottest thing on the market, and everybody is getting in on the action.

More proof that every player, no matter how new to the game, can take action to advance the cause of the Code. Which also means that no player has an excuse to violate the Code.

If you want to be a big player in the highsec economy, you've gotta make big moves. This week, Agent ST0NER SMURF went for it: He massively upgraded his holdings by purchasing an additional 9,850 shares of New Order stock--worth nearly 10 billion isk. This pushed us past the 1,641, 1,642, 1,643, 1,644, 1,645, 1,646, 1,647, 1,648, 1,649, and 1,650 billion isk marks and earned ST0NER an epic Decuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Now that is a Christmas present.

ST0NER is now the proud owner of 13,315 shares. As ST0NER mentioned in his EVEmail, that's not quite the top 10, but it does vault him into the top 20, just above The Lawton School for Pubbies Who Can't Mine Good. Everyone's stepping up their game these days.


We've seen how when carebears get ganked, they often receive an informative EVEmail from an Agent, offering them instructions on how to comply with the Code and not die so much. Agent Siegfried Cohenberg, a world-class freighter bumper, recently secured a 25 billion isk freighter kill. Siegfried puts a lot of thought into the messages he sends to the recipients of such high-value ganks. Let's take a look:

The first point of interest is Siegfried's use of big, bold colors. Remember, freighter pilots are typically ganked when they're in the deepest slumber. They need something to jolt them awake and make them pay attention.

Siegfried also makes a point of clearly presenting his credentials--while maintaining the kind of sportsmanship that the New Order is known for.

Siegfried's bonds might not be New Order shares, but some investors prefer diversification, so the more investment vehicles available, the better.

Helpful though Siegfried's EVEmails may be, you only get them if you get dunked. Carebears, you're better off obeying the Code in the first place.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Open Ports and Closed Minds, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Sliver Stones didn't look like much, but after Agent Bing Bangboom removed the miner's Covetor from highsec, Sliver revealed himself to be an extraordinarily dangerous person. No mere miner, Sliver was an "ingineer" capable of hacking Bing's computer through its seven open ports.

Bing is a practical man. He had no desire to be hacked. But our Agent's commitment to the Code outweighed all other considerations. And the fact was, Sliver wasn't in compliance.

Suddenly, Bing received a communication from someone named Dark Evils. Dark Evils happened to be the CEO of Sliver's corp.

"There you go again," scolds the rebellious carebear. "You've gone and ganked members of a corporation full of new players."

"New players" who have been in the game nearly a decade, that is.

Bing suspected that the miner might have given his CEO a slanted version of events. Our Agent set him straight.

Sliver's CEO proved to be equally stubborn. He claimed "new returning player" status, which has become a cliché in these cases. (I played EVE for 8 years and then took a 16-month break. I'm a new player!)

Dark Evils continued:

By coincidence, Dark Evils referred to Sliver as a "computer ingineer", using the same typo as his corpmate. Could Sliver's CEO also be his alt? Or had the "pure hacker" taken over his CEO's computer?

Dark Evils proposed that Bing and Sliver simply part ways. Sliver wouldn't need to buy a permit, and the open ports on Bing's computer would remain untouched.

Bing rejected the offer. The price was too high; he was being asked to set aside his principles and his Code. Bing went on:

The message was clear. Would Sliver/Dark wise up, buy a mining permit, and obey the Code? Or would he do the other thing?

Dark Evils chose the path of the Goofus. Bing could only feel sorry for the miner. For there are many Covetor wrecks to be found along that path.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Open Ports and Closed Minds, Part 1

I wonder, are two units of White Glaze enough to relieve the crushing guilt of being a bot-aspirant Code violator?

Regardless of the state of Sliver Stones' conscience, his Code violations cost him his ice and his ship. Time to rebuild.

Agent Bing Bangboom loves to help miners rebuild their wasted lives. Starting over isn't always easy--but it's a whole lot easier with Bing's help than without it.

Sliver refused Bing's generous offer. Some people prefer to wallow.

Agent Bing has a long history of bumping miners. As any bumper will tell you, miners don't soon forget the experience. Our Agent would need to work hard to gain Sliver's trust after bumping him away from the ice so many times.

It appeared that Bing's logic--sharp as it was--wasn't enough to pierce the miner's thick skull.

Sliver strongly suspected that Bing only wanted his money. 'Twas a classic case of projection; the miner himself only cared about money. Bing tried to show Sliver that there was a lot more to EVE than isk. (He did need to give Bing some isk, though.)

Then the miner dropped a bunker-buster of a bombshell: Bing's computer was full of open ports! An "ingineer" as gifted as Sliver could hack Bing at a moment's notice. Thank goodness he hadn't done so already.

At times like these, Bing's indescribable bravery never fails. Even with seven open ports, he refused to back down.

Sliver was bountied with the mark of 315. But would this provoke the miner into firing a torpedo into one of the ports? Bing chose to run the risk.

There was danger on yet another front: The miner had a flotilla of strategic cruisers ready to strike. Could Bing persuade Sliver to buy a permit before the Tengus and the open ports rained hell upon our noble Agent?

To be continued...