Thursday, October 19, 2017

Carebear Tears Are Liquid at Room Temperature, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agents Berry Nice and Trump The King enjoyed some elite PvP with unlicensed freighter pilot Mercuri Thoth. Mercuri proved to be a bot-aspirant with some wildly inaccurate views about EVE. When our Agents tried to set her straight, Mercuri got personal.

The conversation between Mercuri and our heroes reached a moment of maximum tension. From this point, things could improve--or they could go very, very badly.

...Or they could get a little weird. There's always a third option, it seems.

Agent Trump wasn't interested in Mercuri's threats. And he certainly didn't want to see one of the people he'd ganked violate the EULA in addition to the Code. Trump subtly steered the course of the conversation back in the right direction: the direction of the Code.

Mercuri didn't want to pay another 10 million isk in addition to the 4 billion she'd lost when her freighter went up in smoke. On the other hand, what choice did she have? She didn't want to lose another 4 billion isk.

If Mercuri wanted to continue playing EVE, it was time for her to grow up and accept reality. The New Order controls highsec.

Trump's logic was undeniable. Mercuri suddenly found herself in the mood to open her wallet.

Of course, this wasn't a typical permit sale. Mercuri had done some bad things. An apology was certainly in order.

I receive many EVEmails like this, and each one has a story. Our Agents are constantly working to make highsec better, and that creates content. "What's going on in EVE these days?" you ask. The answer: Us.

Mercuri Thoth and her alts joined the ranks of the thousands of other permit-holders.

Now that Mercuri owned an official New Order mining permit, she was interested in exercising her right to apply for reimbursement.
Trump The King > first off one of the criteria to qualify is for us to be able to verify you can not afford to replace what you lost. do you understand how a full API works?
Berry Nice > One of the rules is that you must be able to afford what you risk, as in you must be able to replace what you are going to be flying.
Berry Nice > If you would allow us to process through your API, we can see if you qualify for reimbursement.
Mercuri Thoth > I've been told not to share my API
Mercuri Thoth > That it can be taken advantage of
Naturally, applying for reimbursement is not the same as receiving reimbursement. There are a few minor bureaucratic hoops to jump through.
Berry Nice > It only lets us see, not do.
Berry Nice > Go ahead and google it.
Mercuri Thoth > OK
Mercuri Thoth > It looks like all my EVE info. Not sure how it could be used, so I will pass on the reimbursement.
Berry Nice > Alright, suit yourself.
In this instance, Mercuri decided to withdraw her application for reimbursement, effectively admitting that our Agents' gank was 100% valid.
Mercuri Thoth > What happens if a CODE ganker fires on me? Within the permit year?
Berry Nice > It depends on if you were breaking the code or not.
Berry Nice > If you weren't, you will be fully reimbursed.
Mercuri Thoth > OK
Berry Nice > But, you will need to provide an API of your assets and net worth to pass through checks.
Berry Nice > You might as well do it now.
Agent Berry was still willing to let Mercuri apply for reimbursement. She wanted to make sure the freighter pilot didn't have any regrets.
Mercuri Thoth > Read through the CODE. I don't do any of those things and gfrankly I find those things annoying too
Mercuri Thoth > If anyone asks me for my API I will just contact CCP
Mercuri Thoth > Just to make sure they are away of any EULA scamming violations
Berry Nice > Well scamming is allowed.
Mercuri Thoth > You seem too interested in the API's
Mercuri Thoth > All of the CODE guys are too interested in them
Berry Nice > You don't have to give them if you don't want, I'm just telling you what's required if you want reimbursement.
In the end, Mercuri was satisfied with her 7 mining permits and the legitimate destruction of her 4 billion isk freighter. There's a lesson to be learned here, carebears: Making threats and taking things out-of-game will get you nowhere. But if you comply with the Code, the sky's the limit.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Carebear Tears Are Liquid at Room Temperature, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Mercuri Thoth got worked up into a froth when Agents of the New Order destroyed her freighter. Agents Berry Nice and Trump The King were willing to discuss the matter like civilized adults. Despite their help, Mercuri struggled to cope with her loss.

Carebears, when you ask an Agent of the New Order to tell you what you're doing wrong, be prepared for a long list.

It became clear that Mercuri and Agent Trump had two entirely different ways of looking at the game (and probably life). Trump wondered if they could ever see eye to eye.

Mercuri tried to obfuscate her guilt by taking refuge in wacky analogies. But our Agents could not be misdirected so easily.

Trump and Berry kept their eyes on the prize. They knew the real issue here wasn't old ladies or Nazis or science experiments--it was the integrity of the Code.

Misguided bot-aspirants frequently--and falsely--accuse our Agents of bullying, but they're rarely called "slippery bullies". It was an outrageous accusation. Needless to say, a non-bully cannot be a slippery bully.

I believe this is what is known as a "mic drop".

Mercuri laid to rest any doubts about whether she was a bot-aspirant. Anyone who's been in EVE long enough to pilot a freighter must surely know the name of the man who rules highsec.

Our Agents had difficulty keeping Mercuri's attention focused on any one point long enough to teach her anything. Her mind was wandering all over the place.

Once again, Mercuri wanted to talk about the real-life identities of those who had ganked her.

Trump The King had nothing to hide, so he was more than willing to reveal his identity. But to what end?

To be continued...

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Carebear Tears Are Liquid at Room Temperature, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... When Mercuri Thoth lost her freighter to a righteous gank, she raged against Berry Nice, the Agent who had bump-tackled her. Agent Trump The King offered his services as a neutral mediator. But Mercuri flew out of control, demanding real-life information about our Agents and making thinly veiled threats against them.

Agent Trump had invited Mercuri to participate in a relaxing, informal conference on TeamSpeak. Mercuri went silent. Ultimately, she chose not to join the TeamSpeak server, preferring instead to hash things out in the private convo.

Agents Trump and Berry quickly grasped that Mercuri had entirely the wrong idea about the New Order. Mercuri thought of them as the villains of highsec, when in fact they're the heroes. It was time to remedy this.

Unfortunately, Trump's attempt to explain by analogy didn't work because Mercuri wasn't familiar enough with the story of Robin Hood--or perhaps she was too familiar with it. Either way, our Agents would need to find another way of helping Mercuri see the light.

As the conversation progressed, Trump and Berry were encouraged by the calming effect they were having on Mercuri; she was no longer threatening to take the argument out of game. This was real progress.

Although Mercuri was doing a better job keeping herself under control, Agent Berry noticed flashes of anger in the carebear's words. Berry suspected that there could be a reservoir of bot-aspirant rage simmering just beneath the surface.

For some reason, Mercuri kept trying to claim the moral high ground. She was awfully self-righteous for an unlicensed freighter pilot. You'd think she was in the business of feeding starving orphans or something, rather than AFK autopiloting trash through Uedama.

Mercuri could no longer conceal her disdain for EVE's greatest PvP'ers. Was she one of those "Ganking Is Bullying" types?

Agent Berry was disappointed in the carebear. There was little she could do for someone who felt so entitled to a gank-free EVE experience.

Mercuri was indeed of the philosophy that only a sociopath could enforce the Code. In her mind, well-adjusted players sign up for EVE so they can slowly grind isk AFK in perfect safety. She couldn't imagine someone playing a spaceship-shooting game for the purpose of shooting spaceships.

Like so many other people who fail at EVE, Mercuri fancied herself morally superior in order to justify her failures. "I lost my freighter, but only because I'm not evil like you people."

To prove her point, Mercuri treated our Agents to a lecture about the psychology of Nazism. The prospects of selling a mining permit to this carebear were growing dim. But the Agents of the New Order are not in the business of giving up.

To be continued...

Monday, October 16, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 21

Previously, on MinerBumping... Mission Ready Mining, the sixth-largest corporation in EVE, was humbled by a single Agent of the New Order, Georgia B Dixie. Her bumping activities in the Gelhan system eventually drew the attention of the mega corporation's CEO, Gai Heiyuu. Gai then engaged Georgia in a spirited debate about the true meaning of the Code. Without warning, Gai made a jaw-dropping accusation about the New Order.

Agent Georgia has seen a lot in her time as a Code enforcer. But even she was completely stunned to hear Gai claim that the Saviour of Highsec has long been permabanned for RMT.

Not to toot my own horn, but if I were indeed banned for RMT, it would turn the EVE galaxy upside down and shake the game to its very core. This was the first Georgia had heard of the permaban, so she was eager to learn more.

Our Agent was particularly surprised to hear about the permaban since she'd seen me log in relatively recently. Gai was unmoved--as though he'd been expecting Georgia to say something like that.

The CEO of Mission Ready Mining took his accusations to the next level. He was convinced that everyone who claimed to see me was actually part of a massive cover-up. The New Order was engaged in a conspiracy of epic proportions.

While Georgia attempted to regain her composure, Gai went on to muse about the true intentions behind our Agent's bumping of miners in Gelhan.

For a moment, Gai experienced a twinge of doubt. What if I wasn't banned? He would look pretty silly, then. Gai quickly verified that I was indeed permabanned. Conspiracy confirmed.

A few years ago, it seems, I was permabanned for RMT. My name will need to be added to the ranks of the Permabanned Heroes of the Code.

Or... Wait...

Cancel the conspiracy. Everything's cool.

(Note: Again, a few of these screenshots are too wide to fit on the page, so you'll need to click them to read the text.)

Though Gai had been proven wrong about the whole permaban/cover-up thing, there was still the important matter of Gai's interpretation of the Code.

Gai toyed with the idea of sending me an EVEmail to get my opinion about whether non-AFK miners need permits to mine in highsec. If the Saviour backed him up, maybe he could still win this argument.

Suddenly, the conversation was interrupted by a member of The Marmite Collective. Had Mission Ready Mining hired yet another mercenary outfit to retake control of the Gelhan system?

To be continued...

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Kills of the Week

EVE is supposed to be fun. Losing ships isn't fun--if you have the wrong attitude. Our Agents have it right: "I'm going to enjoy losing my ship to CONCORD while ganking this miner." The carebears, on the other hand, are so sour when they lose their ships. They grind out their PvE like a job, and then they get mad when they lose a round of PvP. If you can't enjoy PvE or PvP, what's left? Tears.

Let's take a look at some carebears who lost at PvP during the week of October 8th @ 00:00 EVEtime through October 14th @ 23:59 EVEtime. Shall we?

Kjilrik lost about a quarter of a billion isk when his anti-tanked Retriever went down. The offending module was an ORE Expanded Cargohold. It ever-so-slightly increased the amount of ore Kjilrik could hold--while costing several times as much as the Retriever itself. Agents Alyth Nerun and Ima Wreckyou happily scooped the blingy module and sold it. They undoubtedly took note of the purchaser's name, so don't be surprised if we see it again.

People like Bokushi hypocritically complain about lack of opportunities to defend themselves, all while anti-tanking their flimsy haulers almost to death. Agents Radiant VanDenBerg and V-ktor Dolus had the privilege of defeating Bokushi on the battlefield. What they found inside Bokushi's cargo bay shocked them:

Bokushi was transporting his wardrobe, along with 500 units of PLEX. Keep in mind that earlier this year, CCP succumbed to the whining carebears' demands to make PLEX 100% safe by allowing it to be teleported like isk instead of hauled from station to station. Incredibly, Bokushi still managed to lose 1.5 billion isk of PLEX. He is almost certainly a bot-aspirant. I mean, just look at the evidence.

Corvuss laid his Providence to rest in Uedama, where it joined the rest of the Code-violating freighters. It was tanked, yes, but bringing an unlicensed freighter into Uedama is little better than activating the ship's self-destruct sequence and going AFK for a few minutes.

Agents Miros Homar, Elite Highsec PvP, BAE B BLUE, BAE B PEW, Unfit ForDoody, Jack Fizzleblade, Gea Stormbound, Emergent Gameplay, ClearLove, Darnoth, Lawrence Lawton, Bluekiss, Selina Love, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, Ivana Freemam, Ciek Ciekawski, Hulk Poddington, Mack Poddington, SP104FREDERIC, James Poddington, Yojiro, Ronnie Botten, Skiff Poddington, Padme Love, Bielun Agrest, Archibald Fizzleblade, Basic Black Bitch, Franz Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Lunar Love, Hagen Fizzleblade, Pat Makunt, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Rosanna Love, Walther Fizzleblade, Sharon Arran, Hermann Fizzleblade, Yuliana Tang, and Sadepilveni destroyed the expensive freighter--which was also violating the Code by carrying too much cargo--and reclaimed 13 billion isk from its wreck.

I wonder, what manner of jump freighter pilot gets ganked in highsec, when he can easily jump-drive out at any time? The aptly named minus one JF gives us the answer: The same kind of pilot who equips 870 million isk worth of ORE anti-tank modules. minus one JF went AFK and autopiloted her way into the loving embrace of Agents Sinister Minister, Leeroy, Mallory, Yasashi konma, BAE B PEW, BAE B BLUE, Bint Bint, Pure Whyte, Elite Highsec PvP, Yojiro, Shazna Solta, Emergent Gameplay, Hermann Fizzleblade, Another ShadeOf Whyte, Jack Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Sophie Whyte, Archibald Fizzleblade, Gea Stormbound, Franz Fizzleblade, Unfit ForDoody, Hagen Fizzleblade, Captain Cortar, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Synamic, Walther Fizzleblade, Bluekiss, ClearLove, Lunar Love, Selina Love, Basic Black Bitch, Ashley Whyte, Padme Love, Rosanna Love, Eel Soup, and Tom Jamess.

ALTxF4 did something crazy this week: He took his 3.2 billion isk pod out for a little stroll, sans ship. He must've been AFK and autopiloting, otherwise even a pod-killing expert like Agent Eva Mavas would've had trouble catching him.

There was a lot of stuff in this pod, but I guess ALTxF4 didn't think any of it was worth protecting behind the hitpoints of a ship.

Mira Padecaina's 3.3 billion isk pod edged out the previous one by the narrowest of margins. Mira, too, had a naked pod. If this is a trend, it's one our Agents will stamp out. Agent Pod-Goo Repoman did not hesitate to shatter the unlicensed Capsule.

Asklepian set? More like AFKlepian. What a Goofus.