Saturday, October 25, 2014

Dumbest Idea vs. Smartest Option, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Catastrophe! A young miner named Dorian Alezander failed to obey the Code. Agent Kalorned was forced to decommission Dorian's illegal mining equipment. As a senior statesman of highsec, Kalorned took it upon himself to have a talk with the miner. Kalorned reasoned that if Dorian understood all the ways in which the Code has improved highsec--

Yes, improved! Dorian's eager to get back to the story, so enough with the recap.

Isn't it funny how we can get tunnel vision sometimes? As a people, we have difficulty seeing the big picture. Take Dorian, for instance. He couldn't see past his own Retriever loss.

However, Dorian was able to perceive the way the Code has brought together all of the highsec content creators. Was he on the verge of a great realization about the New Order family and the role it plays in modern highsec?

Nope. He was merely transitioning into the "someone will stop you" phase. Kalorned gently reminded the carebear that the New Order has been steamrolling Code violators for two years, with minimal resistance.

Bot-aspirants put isk first. They see little value in anything else, even facts. Dorian joined the doomsayers who predict the "eventual" downfall of our Order.

Carebears can't understand why the hundreds of thousands of highsec PvE'ers can't all unite to put a stop to us. Does it matter why, though? The simple truth is that they haven't united and never will. The New Order will never be defeated. Based on current trends, the only likely outcome of our great project is the total subjugation of all who live in highsec. Everyone will obey the Code.

A rebel carebear's first reaction to the New Order's success is denial. Once Dorian got over that, he took stock of the situation. His head was swimming. This is the part where many carebears choose to buy a permit.

...While others dig themselves into a deeper hole. Dorian wished death upon Kalorned. In-game death, right?

Dorian was moving dangerously close to the "anger" phase. However, many carebears stop at this point and realize a 10 million isk permit isn't worth getting so worked up.

...While others double down.

Kalorned is an experienced Agent and trained diplomat. Yet even he struggled to get Dorian under control. Nevertheless, Kalorned remained optimistic. They say it's always darkest before the dawn.

Things were getting plenty dark. A permit purchase could occur at any time.

Dorian insisted he'd kept an open mind this entire time. Kalorned saw it as an opening. When all else fails, drop a J-bomb. Remind the carebear of all the wonderful things James 315 has done:

Not all carebears have embraced me. Not yet. Some even react negatively when my name gets dropped into a conversation. Think how far we've come in such a short time, though. Now imagine the future, and the state highsec will be in, after years and years of endless Code enforcement: Countless trillions of isk worth of dead carebears, an army of thousands of Agents descending upon the few who continue to disobey the Code, and joyful references to the Saviour of Highsec in every system's local chat. In a word, paradise. Finally, a highsec we can all be proud of. That's where we're headed. Who wouldn't want to be a part of that future?

Friday, October 24, 2014

Dumbest Idea vs. Smartest Option, Part 1

Ours is a heroic age. Centuries from now, people will look back and envy those who lived during the years when highsec was first brought under the Code. We can already see the signs of our ultimate victory. It's no surprise, then, that many Agents have begun thinking in terms of their legacy.

Agent Kalorned has become a father figure in Gamis, much the same way I am a father figure to everyone in highsec.

The PvE'ers of Gamis are like Kalorned's children. Those who fit their Retrievers like Dorian Alezander are the newborns. Naturally, Kalorned had his alts kill Dorian.
Dorian Alezander > I wasnt AFK
Kalorned > Why didn't you respond to me in local?
Dorian Alezander > I was having a conversation in corp
Dorian Alezander > and nobody was in Local
Kalorned > There were at least 8 others in local
Kalorned > You should always pay attention to local my friend
Dorian Alezander > As soon as I noticed there was a message on my screen and then I died
After disciplining the young miner, it was time to learn more about this Dorian Alezander.

Dorian was a part-time miner, a part-time salvager, and a full-time dude. He believed in the power of dumb ideas. But how would he react when exposed to the smartest option in highsec--the Code?

The carebear's instincts failed him. Without even reading it, Dorian already knew he hated the Code. He was a bot-aspirant. In extreme cases of bot-aspirancy, the patient rejects the medicine he so desperately needs. This is why forced medication exists.

Kalorned offered Dorian a permit again, just to be thorough. Sure enough, it was a severe case of bot-aspirancy.

Next, Kalorned dangled the carrot of a reimbursement for a wrongful gank. This was a test: Would Dorian recognize that his gank had been appropriate? Dorian failed.

Failed with flying colors, in fact.
Kalorned > that would violate The Code
Dorian Alezander > THEN CHANGE IT
Dorian Alezander > its your own stupid code
Kalorned > That would be at the discretion of James 315 - He is the founder of The New Order and the only one who can make changes to The Code
Dorian Alezander > Yeah well he knows where he can shove his code
Kalorned > I don't think he does
Kalorned > You better elaborate in a mail to him
At this point, our hero became concerned. He noticed little hints of rage bubbling from beneath the surface. Such hints are easily missed by the untrained eye. Kalorned is an experienced Agent; his eyes are like those of an eagle. He knew carebear threats would not be long in coming.

Kalorned was right. Dorian secretly harbored resentment against the New Order--and against the very Agent who was trying to mentor him!

Luckily, Dorian calmed down long enough to engage in a new philosophical discussion.

Nevertheless, Agent Kalorned was well aware that the carebear was teetering on the brink. If properly guided, he would see the error of his ways and purchase a permit. But if something, anything, went even slightly awry... The other thing would happen.

To be continued...

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Going at Their Own Pace

Not all carebears are created equal. They are only equal in their responsibility to obey the Code. Because some EVE players are better than others, carebears take varying amounts of time to become Code-compliant. The best players buy a permit immediately, and they lose no ships. The worst players lose many ships before they learn their lesson, and may even need to buy multiple permits along the way.

Take Lindsey Silvestre, for instance. What do your instincts tell you about this fellow? You probably assume he'll take a long time to learn to buy a permit, and that he will suffer many things before his happy day finally arrives.
Lindsey Silvestre > get out of my system cock sucker
Dclker > hey the circus is in town.. CORE. cocks
Samual Saisima > omg. more james 315 dick suckers
Lindsey Silvestre > they all will die the same
Lindsey was highlighted in a recent Kills of the Week post. The circumstances leading up to that kill tend to reinforce one's initial impressions about Lindsey.

Lindsey was attempting to "guard" an ice anomaly in Sirseshin. He soon lost his 862 million isk Orthrus to Agents Rick Therapist, Brutal Anna, and Carebears' Nightmare. Lindsey was outraged.

The matter was directed to Agent Rabe Raptor, an official diplomat of the New Order. Every gank recipient is given the chance to learn more about why they were killed.

Unfortunately, Lindsey was still thinking like a bot-aspirant. He only cared about money.

To help broaden Lindsey's horizons, Rabe established a rapport with the rebel and tried to get him to open up.

In approximately 99% of cases where players become anti-Order rebels, it's due to some kind of misunderstanding about the New Order and what we do.

Rabe isn't only a diplomat; he's a scholar of the Code. His website, LawofHighsec, contains abundant information about the Code. Rabe's commentaries illustrate an important lesson: Code compliance begins when a carebear reads the Code--it doesn't end there. The more a highsec dweller reads about the Code, the better. They should study and examine it daily.

The next day, Lindsey woke up on the right side of the bed. He was ready to turn over a new leaf.

The first moral of today's story: No rebel, no matter how violent and profane, is beyond the reach of the Code.

The second moral of today's story: Always trust your instincts.

Days after buying a permit, Lindsey fell in with a bad crowd. He joined rebel leader JTClone Ares' alliance, The Clone Republic. Lindsey was persuaded to renounce his permit and copy anti-Order material from JTClone's bio instead.

Judging by The Clone Republic's Alliance Killboard, membership in their organization probably isn't worth giving up a 10 million isk permit. They struggle to maintain a 1% killboard efficiency. Regardless, Lindsey will need to buy another permit.

The good news? Since Lindsey has already purchased a permit in the past, it's incredibly likely he'll buy another in the future. Some say it's "harassment" to offer someone a permit after they've already refused. I have another word for it: grace. A good miner will only need to be asked once. We aren't here only to save the good miners, though. The New Order intends to save every man, woman, and child in highsec. Some need extra help. We're ready, willing, and able to give it to them.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

How We Can Stop the Carebears; A Call to Action

Sasha Nyemtsov is no quitter. At long last, we have reached Parts 9 and 10 of Sasha's audio recording of the Manifesto II.

I'm known as EVE's greatest "truth-teller" and "real-talker", one who doesn't flinch from telling it like it is. However--at the very same time!--everyone knows I'm an optimist. I don't just identify problems; I identify their solutions. Fittingly, the Manifesto II closed with a stirring call to action. Congratulations to everyone who read/listened to the entire thing.

Every good DVD comes with bonus features, so here's one for you: Sasha has written a column over at HalaimaCode explaining how he made his recordings. Very illuminating stuff for all the Sasha fans.

Though he's finished the Manifesto II, Sasha doesn't plan on disappearing. I know of at least one ~secret project~ he already has in the works. I won't say anything yet, except that I think a lot of people are going to enjoy it very, very much.

While you're thinking that over, why not watch the latest YouTube video in The New Order Gamis Affiliates' The Code is Forever series?

Over Four Hundred Fifty-Four Billion in Shares Sold

Have spare isk sitting around and looking to contribute to the highsec community? If you don't own any New Order shares, there's never been a better time to buy some. Already a shareholder? There has never been a better time to buy some more.

Utamaru Arkaral was looking to increase his holdings in the New Order and purchased 150 additional shares. This sent us over the 453 billion mark and earned Utamaru a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Great minds think alike. Kaely Tanniss purchased 250 additional shares. Now Kaely owns even more shares than before! Quick thinking. The purchase sent us over the 454 billion mark and earned Kaely a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Things are looking up for highsec. The signs of our progress can be seen all around.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Freighter Pilots Strike Back

There's a very dangerous freighter corp prowling around highsec these days. It's called Renegade Pleasure Androids. As far as we can tell, the corp is comprised mostly or entirely of one bot-aspirant with many alts. They all violate the Code.

You might recall one of these individuals, Hailey Clauson, who was featured in a Kills of the Week post back in September. Hailey lost an AFK jump freighter.

She wasn't happy about it. Hailey preferred that our gankers "kill a stripper" or "do something truly evil in real life", and leave her freighters alone.

No strippers were harmed--not by members of the New Order, anyway. Our gankers continued to enforce the Code. The Renegade Pleasure Androids returned to Uedama several weeks later. One of their freighters was popped while AFK autopiloting. Less than two hours later, another met the same fate.

Now it was time to get serious. The next day, the CEO of Renegade Pleasure Androids, Dream Five, took to the forums. She rallied the people of highsec, urging them to join a "CODE elimination campaign". (If you can't access the thread on EVE-O, you can read the Eve-Search version instead.) And what did this campaign entail, exactly? Scouts and escorts remote-repping freighters? ECM ships jamming our gankers? Counter-bumping? Wardecs?

Nope. She just wanted CCP to ban everyone. Naturally.

You might assume Dream Five based her arguments on the Bonus Round scandal. Actually, it wasn't until 201 posts into the thread that she even found out Erotica 1 had been in CODE., at which point she edited the OP to add the crime to the list.

Dream Five's call for permabans was based on the New Order's practice of ganking freighters and offering them mining permits. She said this was humiliating to freighter pilots. In addition, bans were needed because I'm "self-aggrandizing" and it's "slanderous" to call people bot-aspirants.

Dream Five was informed that mining permits aren't against the EULA. In fact, the idea for mining permits originally developed out of my conversation with a GM. When told this, Dream Five took it as further confirmation of my "sick roleplay". Was that meant as a compliment? As in, "sick roleplay, dude!"?

As time went on, Dream Five grew more and more excited. Every detail she discovered about the New Order made her more certain that permabans were needed to stop the ganks.

This left open an important question--whether the EVE community would indeed rally to her cause.

Unfortunately, Dream Five was met with nothing but ridicule from her fellow EVE-O posters. Only Anslo expressed support.

You might remember Anslo from his failed anti-Order "Proveldtariat" movement, which collapsed nearly two years ago. He still holds a grudge.

Dream Five got called out on her true motive, the desire for revenge after her freighter losses. She called the loss of her freighters a "tactical move".

In the end, Dream Five saw no alternative but to spam her own thread with requests for player bans. She didn't like the way people replied to her and pointed out the error of her ways. Nor did she appreciate the ever-present opportunity to purchase mining permits for her freighter pilots. At her request, ISD locked the thread. Thus, another "CODE elimination campaign" ended in ignominious defeat for the rebels. The New Order was victorious once more!