Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Goofus Meets Gallant

As the power of the New Order grows, so too does the number of Code-compliant miners. Thousands of highsec miners own permits. The rebels don't like this, so when they encounter permit-owners, they encourage their fellow miners to forsake the Code. For the rebels, it's not about shutting off a revenue stream to the New Order; they're worried about our regime taking root and gaining legitimacy.

Though rebels often float the idea of ganking permit-owners, it's far too much effort. They attempt to use peer pressure instead.

Roniin Makami came across Lunar Glow, a proud, permit-carrying miner. He was so outraged by her bio that he invited her to a private convo to talk about it.

Roniin made some standard rebel arguments for not buying a permit. First, he asserted that permit-owners are targeted by the very Agents who sell them permits. Second, he hinted that permits aren't worth it due to all of the miner gankers unaffiliated with the Order.

In truth, the New Order is responsible for nearly all miner ganks in highsec. After the great barge buff of 2012, miner ganking shrank to almost zero. We brought it back. And everyone knows that our gankers prefer to shoot rebels over permit-owners.

Roniin's ignorance showed. Mining permits cost the same today as they always have. They're ridiculously affordable.

Roniin declared that he was as safe from the New Order as the permit-owners. He'd never, ever, ever been ganked by us, and he never, ever, ever would be. He also insisted that he practiced "due diligence", keeping a sharp eye on local. Bold claims. Were they true? (Protip: Never trust a carebear.)

Roniin's bragging about "due diligence" didn't last very long. Almost immediately, he admitted that he AFK mines all the time.

In fact, Roniin greatly enjoys AFK mining. It didn't take much to get him talking about all the things he loves about it.

An irony presented itself: Roniin insisted that if Lunar Glow simply asked in local, she would hear all about how permit-owners get ganked. Yet Roniin himself was speaking to a permit-owner who said otherwise.

Roniin dismissed Lunar Glow's positive experiences with the New Order. She was only a newbie, Roniin said. Not a highsec expert like himself.

Lunar Glow did something shocking, something Roniin could never have expected: She asked for evidence. In theory, if hundreds of mean ol' New Order Agents are running amok across highsec, behaving in an unseemly manner, there should be plenty of proof. EVE players automatically log such evidence. Unfortunately, Roniin couldn't find any. His logs showed nothing.

Since he didn't have any logs to present, Roniin urged Lunar to listen to what people were saying about the New Order. He couldn't direct her to anyone in particular, other than himself. Lunar replied that she'd seen plenty of evidence of what really goes on in highsec on MinerBumping. However, Roniin was afraid to visit the blog. Everyone who reads it gets a computer virus.

On an unrelated note: Dear reader, you may have already won a free iPad. Would you like to know more?

Deeply frustrated by his inability to persuade Lunar to burn her mining permit, Roniin parted ways with her. He accused Lunar of being blind and ignorant and inexperienced--and that she knew too much. Carebear logic.

Lunar Glow promptly reported Roniin to the authorities. He'd confessed to AFK mining, after all. Although Roniin said he could never be ganked by the New Order, an Agent was dispatched and he met his fate within a few hours.

That's the problem with rebel miners trying to use peer pressure. They're not peers at all. Gallant miners are plainly superior.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

A Snowball's Chance in Highsec, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Harlequin Croft scored her first PvP victory, defeating Captain Flin-Flin's faction Vexor by hitting it with a bunch of snowballs. The carebear was stunned into silence. While Flin-Flin was still in a stupor, Harlequin podded him.

Harlequin celebrated her victory in local. Everyone was having great fun, with the possible exception of Flin-Flin. Carebears don't know how to have a good time.

Suddenly, our Agent received an EVEmail from the fallen foe. Flin-Flin still hadn't figured out what had gone wrong, and was dying of curiosity. He offered a bunch of money for answers about game mechanics. He didn't know that our Agents educate highsec all the time for free.

When Harlequin explained about the snowballs, Flin-Flin was disgusted. EVE wasn't the game for him. He threatened to quit, again.

Moments later, he sent Harlequin some money. It wasn't everything he owned, but it was enough for a mining permit. Had the Goofus gone Gallant?

The miner was hopelessly confused. He sent 10 million isk, but didn't want a permit. He sent the money because he lied, but wanted to keep his word. Or something.

Although it was difficult to untangle what the carebear was trying to say, one thing was clear: Flin-Flin had gotten the wrong idea about miners.

Flin-Flin refused to join the New Order because it "preys on the weak". He considered himself weak now. Interestingly, he hadn't shown any qualms about preying on the weak when he attacked Harlequin's virtually unarmed frigate.

In spite of everything, Harlequin was generous to the miner. She saved him the trouble of being scammed by mercenaries.

Flin-Flin desperately wanted revenge, but he was also desperately lazy.

Now the miner had, at long last, a goal for his EVE career. Either that or he was going to quit, or maybe just keep mining. Whatever.

Harlequin extended an invitation to join the New Order once more. Flin-Flin's instincts, which hadn't exactly served him well in the past, still told him to stay away.

Perhaps there was hope for the miner yet. He agreed to read this blog. It's hard for a carebear to read MinerBumping and remain ignorant, even if they want to.

A few minutes later, Flin-Flin sent an additional 5 million isk to Harlequin. Does he have a chance to succeed in EVE, at some point in the future? At least a snowball's chance, I'd say.

Top Supporters for August 2015

Each month, MinerBumping immortalizes its top isk contributors in a hall of fame post. The "Month's Top Supporters" sidebar will begin showing the current month's supporters in a few days. You can view the August 2012, September, October, November, December, January 2013, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January 2014, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January 2015, February, March, April, May, June, July top 10 lists at the appropriate links.

Here are our top isk contributors for August 2015:

August 2015

#1. Luncapup
5,000,000,000 isk

#2. Bing Bangboom
3,000,000,000 isk

#2. em0
3,000,000,000 isk

#4. Aedan Tau
1,315,000,000 isk

#4. Dom Arkaral
1,315,000,000 isk

#6. Helena Ambramotte
1,000,000,000 isk

#6. Maximus Decimus Julii
1,000,000,000 isk

#8. Remiel Pollard
700,000,000 isk

#9. Zaenis Desef
500,000,000 isk

#10. Ben Li
315,000,000 isk

All in all, it was a great month for highsec. There was so much joy spread by the Agents of the New Order. Sadly, those carebears who refused to obey the Code were not able to share in the fun, and were the worse for it. But there's always next month!

Monday, August 31, 2015

A Snowball's Chance in Highsec, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Lenda Shinhwa ganked Captain Flin-Flin's Retriever. The good news was proclaimed in local by Lenda's herald, Agent Harlequin Croft. Smarting from the loss, Flin-Flin demanded that Harlequin meet him at the station if she wanted to sell him a mining permit. It was obviously a trap. Harlequin had never won at PvP before, and was armed with only a Probe-class frigate equipped with a Festival Launcher and a civilian gun. But she had the Code on her side, so she fearlessly went to the station.

Harlequin got Flin-Flin's attention by celebrating Lenda's success in local chat, but she had irked him in two other ways, too. As a herald, it was Harlequin's responsibility to supply the carebear with the necessary paperwork following the destruction of his barge.

Flin-Flin hadn't liked that.

Secondly, Harlequin had looted Flin-Flin's wreck while Agent Lenda waited out the global criminal timer. Harlequin was now flagged as a suspect and freely attackable by all--especially Captain Flin-Flin, who re-shipped into a Vexor Navy Issue and waited patiently at the station.

All of our Agents are valiant. The New Order is known as much for its bravery as its skill. Harlequin's frigate landed at the station directly on top of the rebel's faction Vexor. She knew that Flin-Flin had no intention of buying a permit; he'd prepared an ambush. So Harlequin struck first, and struck hard. She began pelting him with snowballs.

The Vexor Navy Issue locked Harlequin's Probe and returned fire. The shields on our Agent's frigate began to give way. Now it was time for Harlequin to turn up the heat. She let loose with her Civilian Gatling Autocannon.

KABOOOOOOOOOM! Victory for the New Order!

"Meh, seems made up," you say? The API-verified killmail doesn't lie, and neither do I. Captain Flin-Flin's Vexor Navy Issue was completely destroyed. Agent Harlequin Croft was pleased. The Code was as powerful as she'd always known it to be. She defeated a faction cruiser using snowballs!

Oh, and there was one small complication worth mentioning.

Four minutes earlier...

As Baron VonSchniffle noted, Harlequin was no longer flagged as a suspect. It had been a little over fifteen minutes since Harlequin looted Flin-Flin's Retriever wreck. But carebears, as we all know, seldom pay attention to local. The miner didn't even notice that it was a CONCORDable offense to attack Harlequin--even if she provoked him with snowballs.

The Crimewatch rules were meant to make highsec carebears completely invulnerable to aggression mechanic trickery. Yet the bot-aspirants continue to die. Naturally, they still blame CCP and demand that highsec be made even safer.

Maybe the miners should get together and petition CCP to remove snowballs from the game? They're not a very intuitive mechanic.

Flin-Flin was completely stunned. In shock, he didn't even bother moving his pod. Four minutes later, Harlequin earned another killmail by attacking it with her civilian gun. And snowballs, of course. (The earlier screenshot shows her Probe attacking the pod, not the navy Vexor. Dramatic license.)

The dumbfounded carebear had been completely outclassed. He declared that he was quitting EVE forever. Would that jeopardize the sale of the mining permit he'd promised to buy?

To be continued...