Saturday, June 6, 2020

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #211

Time for more content! Welcome to the latest edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag.

I don't know why carebears complain about being ganked. According to people like Daj Padecain, they actually make money by losing all their stuff.

Lelouch ViBranton sounds like he would be neutral between the fireman and the fire. Sorry, Lelouch, but you're either in compliance with the Code or you aren't.

After losing his ship, Holden Fall invited Agent Dishrag to discuss the matter in person--presumably to engage in violence in-game. Dishrag declined, leaving Holden uncertain of how to proceed:

Of course, Dishrag instructed the miner to simply obey the Code if he wanted to mine. Holden considered this...

Alas, the miner lost his mind again. Which means he'll probably be losing another ship, too.

Biggus-Dickus chose to CONCORD his Orca while it was being awoxed. Miners, you should always take a deal when it's offered by an Agent.

"my corp is in war with the CODE i think"? Maybe check that out?

In fact, our Agents do the impossible every day.

...A typical afternoon in the "Mining" channel.

What are the odds that this miner washed his hands?

The Code is an unstoppable force. Miners, you can either pay now, or pay later and lose your ship. Our Agents will be standing by to accept your isk once you've finished doing the math.

Friday, June 5, 2020

The Plague of Nakugard, Part 7

Previously, on MinerBumping... With the already-poor behavior of the miners of Nakugard deteriorating still further, Agent Alt 00 enlisted the support of her fellow Agents in the "Why was I ganked?" channel.

To the Agents' horror, an interrogation of Sram DaUTolko revealed that the miner did not wash his hands.

Although Sram claimed that he "never got sick" and did not need to wash his hands, the Code nevertheless required it. Therefore it was time for Sram to develop some new, better habits.

When the miner realized that he was going to get a lecture about hygiene instead of reimbursement isk for his lost ship, he felt betrayed by Alt 00. This wasn't what he had signed up for when he joined the channel.

In fact, the Agents' wisdom came not a moment too soon--Sram was totally ignorant of the world beyond his wallet.

The crisis in highsec had become urgent. Yet all Sram could think about was his stupid armor repairer.

Our Agents continued to interview carebears after they were ganked. Things were as bad as they'd feared.

After helping her fellow Agents conduct interviews, Alt 00 returned to Nakugard. Hopefully the miners weren't sliding back into their old ways.

Caught in the act.

Agent Alt 00 and her loyal alts descended upon the evildoers.

One after another, the illegal miners were cut down. Incredibly, they had been taken completely by surprise. As if Alt 00 ganking miners in Nakugard was something totally unexpected.

Other miners, witnessing the ganks, scattered. Those who had escaped with their ships chattered in local.

One would think that the constant broadcasts in local and all of the explosions would teach these miners a thing or two. But these were Goofuses. And they still had much to learn.

To be continued...

Thursday, June 4, 2020

The Plague of Nakugard, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... When the Nakugard system was in danger, Agent Alt 00 came to the rescue. Incredibly, however, it appeared as though there were many miners who were rooting against Nakugard.

In spite of her many warnings, Alt 00 caught several miners out in the open. She took corrective action against them, just as she'd promised.

With her fellow alts, our Agent ganked and bumped the miners until they could no longer steal ice and ore from the system.

It was strange that miners rebelled and refused to thank Alt 00 for taking care of Nakugard. She realized that something sinister must have been at work.

Without the ability to mine, the miners could've taken the time to improve themselves--much needed improvement, too! Yet they chose to whine and jeer in local chat.

Agent Alt 00 waited out her 15 minute post-gank timers while treating the carebears to some good advice about their conduct.

Yet, once again, the anti-Code types sulked instead of thanking her.

On occasion, good people entered the system and casually voiced their support for Alt 00's mission. Without her, Nakugard would be a sewer.

Miners like Jiscil Antilles made no secret of the fact that they were decidedly pro-virus.

Unsurprisingly, those who were pro-virus were also anti-Code and anti-gank.

Those who love the Code love life. Those who hate the Code love death.

Alt 00 called upon her fellow Agents to assist in dealing with the Nakugard crisis. When miners grew too agitated after being ganked, they were invited to join the "Why was I ganked?" channel.

And what our Agents learned was shocking.

To be continued...

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

What's Their Beef with Lewak?

The New Order is more than just a network of EVE's most elite PvP'ers. It's a community.

...But some people don't like community.

When miners suffer the consequences of disobeying the Code--despite being warned countless times--they often blame our community and the extraordinary Agents who comprise it. Yet these very same miners are quick to confess their crimes.

The unsophisticated miner doesn't bother with "I wasn't AFK, I was just..." Instead, he admits to being AFK. And he doesn't see the problem with it.

So, rather than blaming himself for the loss of his ship, the miner blames someone like Agent Lewak.

It's bizarre, but miners really do think that their ships ought to be left untouched while they go AFK--even if they go AFK for an extended period. They believe that when their fellow EVE players come across their blingy, idle Hulks, the players should say to themselves, "I'd better not gank this Hulk. Its owner is probably feeding her children. I'll come back in an hour or two and then ask permission to attempt a gank."

But our Agents follow the Code, not the crazy rules that miners dream up while AFK in their "washrooms". So the miners have a fallback position: Don't gank new players.

Listening to these miners, you'd think "new players" were priceless diamonds. Yet they're frequently older players. And even the truly new players struggle to prove that they're worth keeping around.

I mean, how many highsec miners do we really need, especially if we're not supposed to gank them? And a lot of them are using alpha accounts, so it's not like CCP is reliant on their subscription fees.

Agent Lewak has, on occasion, ganked someone who has been playing EVE for "only" three weeks. Apparently Venture pilots should only be engaged in PvP once they reach four weeks. Or ten weeks. Or ten months. Or more.

But an obvious question arises: What's the difference between a two-week Venture pilot and a ten-week one? The art of mining AFK in a Venture can surely be learned in a day or two--even by a highsec miner. So what are they doing during those months of AFK mining that qualifies them for PvP?

As with all other reasonable questions, the miner can only answer with a shrug.

That's no veneer... It's the Code.

The truth is, miners should be thanking Agents like Lewak. By their own admission, highsec mining is a miserable, life-draining activity. Who's going to rescue them from it, if not our Agents?

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

The Best Revenge, Part 71

Previously, on MinerBumping... Operation Devil's Night loomed in aiva naali aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years's mind. But even as aiva put the finishing touches on his plan to defeat Pandemic Horde, the coronavirus pandemic struck.

aiva gave his council official instructions on how to deal with the virus.

For aiva, it was not merely a matter of protecting those close to him; the Imperium could not afford to lose anyone currently assigned to participate in Devil's Night.

The coronavirus was far from the only item on aiva's agenda, however. He was still concerned about the fuel situation.

aiva still suspected that Test Alliance Please Ignore might have been involved in the mysterious disappearance of Imperium fuel. All along, he'd hoped to attack TEST only after Pandemic Horde had been dealt with.

aiva's council was skeptical about the threat posed by TEST. Most felt that PH was by far the more dangerous enemy.

...But there was a reason that aiva was the one in command. Only he had the tactical and strategic brilliance needed to conquer nullsec and determine the course of EVE history.

Of course, a genius intellect will only get you so far. Isk is also important.

aiva contributed an additional 3 billion isk worth of PLEX into the Imperium supercapital fund. aiva sometimes had trouble scraping together the necessary isk, so he hoped that this payment would keep Donatien Alphonse Francois happy for a while.

...No such luck.

aiva soon learned that behind the scenes, his council was being pressured like never before. Not everyone in the Imperium's bureaucracy was happy with aiva. And he had rivals.

aiva's council passed along information about the growing restlessness of key Imperium leaders.

Despite aiva's extraordinary power and influence in the Imperium, the fact remained that he was not omnipotent. To maintain his position, aiva would need to keep the other power players happy. And that would require isk. Lots of it.

To be continued...