Monday, May 30, 2016

Who Are Your Real Friends?

You gotta love those ganker character names.

Agent Fate and Destiny destroyed Katt Trygon's Retriever. Fate offered her a gf, but she replied with a gfys, which is not the same thing.

Agent Fate was then subjected to the anti-male bias that men sadly experience all too often in EVE.

Though Fate gave Katt some advice on how to avoid being ganked, it was clear that the miner wasn't interested in the whole "learning" thing. After all, she'd been ganked by Fate less than two weeks earlier while mining in the exact same asteroid belt.

Fate didn't message Katt again. Instead, Fate ganked her Retriever one day later--again in the exact same asteroid belt.

Though every New Order victory is an impressive one, some attract more attention than others. Fate and Destiny managed to take down a Hulk, a ship that was once the predominant mining vessel of highsec, but which is now teetering on the brink of extinction.

You Blew Up was so affected by witnessing the destruction of the Hulk that she wrote to the pilot two days later.

Harvester Mining Drones are arguably the best evidence of illegal decadence among miners. A full set costs around a billion isk. Being drones, they naturally have very few hitpoints. In addition, when deployed, they automatically have a 100% chance of being "dropped" for the ganker.

A proxy conflict brewed between You Blew Up and Dagda Rha. You Blew Up's friend was accused of stealing Dagda's roommate's drones.

Strangely, Dagda's first loyalty was to his roommate, as opposed to the person who offered him a chance at learning to play EVE properly.

You Blew Up's friend was a ganker, it's true. But she identified with him not out of friendship, but because of their shared values. Objectively speaking, You Blew Up's friend was in the right.

Dagda's irrational advocacy for his bot-aspirant roommate makes one wonder: Were they engaged in account sharing? Had they found a means by which they could double their AFK/hr ratio?

You Blew Up spoke reason to the former Hulk owner. If she succeeded in getting Dagda to embrace the Code, maybe that would have a positive effect on Dagda's roommate, as well.

Alas, it seems that the two roommates' bot-aspirancies mutually reinforced each another.

Dagda gave You Blew Up an "official notice" not to contact him again. Like Katt Trygon, Dagda Rha had no interest in speaking with someone who questioned his dangerous carebear lifestyle. You'd think the loss of multiple sets of Harvester drones would serve as ample warning. But some miners need to lose everything before they're willing to open themselves to the Code. Only then do they realize that their gankers--not their roommates--are their true friends.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Kills of the Week

Rebels and skeptics say that the New Order gives EVE players a bad reputation. Nonsense. Having disposed of that argument, imagine the reputation our fair EVE community would have, if the Code didn't exist. People would say EVE is a theme park game with bad graphics, based around highsec isk-grinding in 100% safety. When asked about low/null/wormsec, people would reply, "They all import their wealth from highsec anyway. They're not relevant." Thank goodness for the Code. Let's enjoy some manifestations of the Code that occurred during the week of May 22nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 28th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Isilmista was a typical nihilist bot-aspirant. Her triple-anti-tanked industrial was worth over 5 billion isk, but she didn't bother to slap on so much as a Civilian Shield Booster. Is this EVE or Hello Kitty Online? When Agent Ralliana showed up, it became EVE.

Ralliana knew she needed to kill the industrial based on her scan of its cargo. But it wasn't the PLEX that motivated the gank.

No permit.

Last week, djjohnson proved that some people still actually pilot Hulks, even in 2016. Normally a 2 billion isk Hulk would be equipped with ORE Strip Miners, but djjohnson opted for a bling fit and a modest capacitor tank. Agent Eva Mavas dragged djjohnson into the future, kicking and screaming.

Speaking of bling fits, Dried slowly cruised across highsec on autopilot in a Cynabal that would otherwise have been more than capable of shooting back. Once upon a time, Cynabals were considered one of the best ships in the game. But EVE has never been about fancy ships or blingy modules. To make full use of a ship and its equipment, an EVE player needs skill. To prove the point, Agents Rick Therapist, Brutal Anna, and Carebears' Nightmare teamed up and showed the carebear how elite PvP is done.

Culculus corp owned an inconspicuous little control tower. If you want to anchor anything in New Order territory--even a small tower--you need permission from the proper authorities. Agents Amanda Rekenwhith, Ho-Lee Crap, Zeke N Destroy, and CODE Customer Service learned of the tower's existence and removed it. The tower itself was cheap...

...But what the research laboratory contained was not. Amanda and her fellow Agents scooped it and enjoyed a blueprint worth several billion isk.

The New Order renewed its offensive against enemy jump freighters this week. Celia Ravine's was typical of the bot-aspirant philosophy: The only thing better than an anti-tank is a somewhat more expensive anti-tank. Despite CCP's repeated attempts to patch stupid, smart won out: Agents BAE B BLUE, Joel Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Miner Compliance Officer, Turkey Baster, Jake Kusion, Etrisa, Justin Kusion, Hayley, Bratok Srayona, Nullus Modus, Evil Master, Jack Fizzleblade, Breakfast Lord, BAE B PEW, Jericho159, Archibald Fizzleblade, Tyrone B1ggums, Logical Fallacy, Prixm Wind, Jackson Kusion, Yvain Bluewater, Nin Rin, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Ganking Service, Joshua Kusion, Logical Fatality, Unwarranted Assumption, Hermann Fizzleblade, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Schizz Popinov, and beepbeep Ozuwara put their heads together and figured out a way to end Celia's tyranny.

Dark Fiber Utama lost a 2.5 billion isk pod after Agent Carebears' Nightmare took down his 440 million isk Iteron Mark V. (For a sneak peak at the new meta, check out the Iteron's fit. Hint: sometimes a capacitor tank isn't enough.)

Shield and gunnery implants were incinerated during this kill. Somehow I doubt Dark Fiber Utama will be a less effective hauler without them.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Saving Miners from Themselves

One of the first things explained by the Code is that miners need to be saved from themselves. But who cares enough about a bunch of AFK, self-destructive isk-grinders to rescue them? I do--hence my title. And so do all those who represent highsec's Saviour and its Code. For example, people like Agent Lament von Gankenheim.
Lament von Gankenheim > \o miner
dokMixer > Hey, thanks
Lament von Gankenheim > its my pleasure!
dokMixer > Glad to come back to Eve for that, appreciated.
Lament von Gankenheim > no problem at all.
dokMixer > No wonder why the game loses more and more players and fails at launching new licenses.
Despite beginning EVE nearly nine years ago, dokMixer spent his days mining with a Retriever in highsec. Our heroes rescued him from his mining ship, and then, his pod, though only the podkill appeared on the killboards.
Lament von Gankenheim > i know it
dokMixer > U sure do.
Lament von Gankenheim > its like shooting peoples spaceships in a spaceship shooting game
Lament von Gankenheim > is out of the ordinary
Lament von Gankenheim > Eve Is The Friendliest Game Evar!
dokMixer > Yeah, it's not like ppl are actively trying to play, and grind to have fun
Initially, it seemed like dokMixer might have been receptive to the Code. He even thanked our Agent for ganking him. Then it turned out that his thanks--which would've been entirely appropriate, under the circumstances--were not sincere. He blamed our heroes for EVE's declining subscription numbers!
Lament von Gankenheim > grinding is not fun
Lament von Gankenheim > thats where people like you never learn
Lament von Gankenheim > isk/hr is a shitty way to play
Lament von Gankenheim > fun/hr is where its at
dokMixer > You sure know how we have to have fun.
Carebears operate under a multitude of misconceptions. Some of those misconceptions are about the game (e.g., highsec is supposed to be safe) or about our Agents (e.g., that they're guilty of "harassment"). Interestingly, some of the carebears' misconceptions are about themselves. dokMixer believed he was having fun by grinding, when this was not the case.
Lament von Gankenheim > i know mining isnt fun
Lament von Gankenheim > in any way
Lament von Gankenheim > to anyone
Lament von Gankenheim > thats a fact.
dokMixer > That's yours facts.
dokMixer > I like to afk a bit, and earn money.
Lament von Gankenheim > no you dont
The New Order is built upon the rock-solid foundation of the Code's truths, not the ever-shifting sands of political expediency. For this reason, our Agents are not required to pretend that they believe whatever happens to be in vogue among carebears at the time. Lament was therefore under no obligation to entertain the fanciful notion that dokMixer enjoyed mining.
dokMixer > I love cookie clicker.
dokMixer > I love farming games.
dokMixer > I complain the same way i saw campers in any games.
dokMixer > I like the idea of killing
dokMixer > But i likethe challenge.
Lament von Gankenheim > game mechanics expressly prevent me from camping
dokMixer > Oh you sur ehad a haaaaard time killing me
As we've seen before, carebears are so deceptive--indeed, so self-deceiving--that their claims cannot be taken at face value. We look to their actions instead. The fact that miners are AFK, alt-tabbed, playing other games, and doing pretty much anything other than mining proves that they don't enjoy it.
Lament von Gankenheim > you made it very easy
Lament von Gankenheim >
Lament von Gankenheim > since 2012
dokMixer > i know.
dokMixer > that's the reason i stopped lowsec mining for a time
Lament von Gankenheim > well, the best news is that ship wasnt very expensive
dokMixer > hahaha, for you maybe
dokMixer thought he could get away with his "I enjoy grinding isk, so leave me alone" charade. Lament saw right through the miner. And that scared him.
Lament von Gankenheim > whats even less expensive is a permit
Lament von Gankenheim > theyre only 10m isk and good for a year
dokMixer > permit ? You are serious ?
Lament von Gankenheim > oh absolutely
dokMixer > I dont want to have ingame the same shitty system that we all already have to endure in real life
dokMixer > Your choice, to reproduce the same shit in a game
dokMixer was horrified by the idea of spending 10 million isk on a permit. He was less concerned about paying significantly more than 10 million isk for his ships, modules, and implants. The difference? Mining permits are emergent content. dokMixer was a bot-aspirant.
dokMixer > I just want to pay for a ship, to do missions
Lament von Gankenheim > no you dont
Lament von Gankenheim > mining is THE single worst isk making career available in the game
dokMixer > every time i try to buy a ship, i get destroyed.
Lament von Gankenheim > if you would like to PLAY eve
Lament von Gankenheim > i would be happy to have you
dokMixer > my decision was to mine in highsec, get less money than in nullsec, and still try to stay alive, with a ship i try to equipe good to mine more, and equip my main ship
Miners are like a fish that know nothing beyond the fishbowl. Lament, with his objective, outsider's perspective, knew the miner much better than the miner knew himself. Thus, Lament was in an ideal position to help dokMixer understand his feelings and make proper decisions.
Lament von Gankenheim > mining sucks
dokMixer > i dont have 100 thousands of millions isk
dokMixer > yeah, but how can i just play with a destroyer, and afford to buy a new one if i get shot ?
dokMixer > i cant if i dont join afaction
Lament von Gankenheim > people have been doing it for years
dokMixer > ahahaha, sure yeah. From nothing you make and buy new fully eauipped ships like that
dokMixer > you cant dude, bullshit
dokMixer didn't believe it was possible to play EVE without relying on highsec mining. It's a good thing he ran into our Agent.
dokMixer > you farm missions
Lament von Gankenheim > m8
Lament von Gankenheim > i havent run a mission on this char since creation
dokMixer > i'm not your mate. Eve is fun for noobkillers maybe, but it's not for me.
Lament von Gankenheim > im ON a mission
Lament von Gankenheim > to save highsec!
dokMixer > Sure
The miner indicated that he was almost ready to quit EVE again. Could Lament retain him?
Lament von Gankenheim > youre a noob?
Lament von Gankenheim > a nullsec mining, combat minded noob?
Lament von Gankenheim > from 2007
dokMixer > It's the third time i give a chance to Eve
dokMixer > The third time i see the community just does not care
Lament von Gankenheim > youre wrong again
dokMixer > your mission is just a pretext
dokMixer was tragic. He thought the EVE community didn't care. And yet, standing right in front of him was a member of the New Order family.
Lament von Gankenheim > my mission is to make people like you wake up
dokMixer > you just cant think at my place man
dokMixer > i like what i was doing
Lament von Gankenheim > nope
dokMixer > you want me to be like you
dokMixer > have something to tell me ?
Lament von Gankenheim > gf
Lament von Gankenheim > thats what i have to tell you
Lament von Gankenheim >
Again dokMixer asserted his mistaken belief that he enjoyed mining. He was talking like an addict. This was an intervention now.
dokMixer > have fun trying to think you are not making people sad just because you think your way of playing is the only one
dokMixer > mining communities exist for e long time
dokMixer > you are the probel dude
dokMixer > wake the fuck upo
Lament von Gankenheim > no they dont
Lament von Gankenheim > mining "communities" are toxic cesspools of greed and narrowmindedness
As Lament suspected, dokMixer had been infected by lies from the carebear theme park crowd. No wonder he'd jumped so quickly to the "EVE is losing subscriptions" line of argument. Carebears know more about EVE subscription numbers than they know about the mechanics and rules of the game itself.
dokMixer > why do you guys always try to think you are the smartasses ?
dokMixer > explain farming simulator success, explain the farming games
Lament von Gankenheim > girls
dokMixer > toxic ?
dokMixer > you fuckin are toxic man. Leave miners playing
According to a public statement from CCP's chief marketing officer a few years ago, an astounding 96% of EVE players are male. By contrast, many "casual" games have gender parity or close to it--giving them nearly twice the pool of potential players from which to draw.
dokMixer > hahaha , sexist now
Lament von Gankenheim > sexist?
dokMixer > girl play browser games is sexist
dokMixer > fact
Lament von Gankenheim > go find a girl and ask her
dokMixer > i do have my gf behind me yes
dokMixer > she is tired of assholes like you, saying that kind of things
Lament von Gankenheim > no she isnt
Lament von Gankenheim > shes most likely tired of your whining
Sensing that he was on the losing side of the argument, dokMixer tried to call in support from his girlfriend. The gambit failed. Lament von Gankenheim, from his superior vantage point, correctly deduced that dokMixer's girlfriend--if she existed--actually sided with Lament rather than her tiresome carebear boyfriend.
dokMixer > open your eyes man
dokMixer > you are toxic
dokMixer > no one needs you to buy you an identity
Lament von Gankenheim > if i was carrying on this conversation with my eyes closed
Lament von Gankenheim > i would be king
dokMixer > oh you sure are a king
dokMixer > thanks for answering my text, king.
dokMixer > you must be so proud.
Lament von Gankenheim > youre welcome
Lament von Gankenheim > jester?
Speaking with Lament forced dokMixer to challenge everything he thought he knew. He didn't like the taste of the medicine, yet he desperately needed it.
dokMixer > you're
dokMixer > no, sad guy that will go alsewhere and not renew
dokMixer > hope your game will die.
dokMixer > like killing noobs ? Tell me of unecessary.
dokMixer > sad i always cross the close-minded assholes here, prentending they are the masterminds.
dokMixer > cheers !
The miner's ability to speak deteriorated rapidly. Ashamed, dokMixer withdrew from the conversation. If he quits EVE and returns again at some future date, he will find an even more welcoming game. The New Order's progress continues. When we're done with highsec, people like dokMixer won't even recognize the place!

Friday, May 27, 2016

Not Too New to Know Things That Aren't True

Last week, we had an important conversation about the Code and the players who are "too new" to know about it. Let's take a look at some practical examples of Agents dealing with newbies.

Agent Lament von Gankenheim received a desperate plea from Alice Wu, who had been wiped out by the loss of her ship. Alice didn't pretend to be unaware of the Code; she was simply too exhausted to obey it. Nor did she attempt to shift the blame onto the Agents who had ganked her. None of that "you're not following your own Code" nonsense. Lament rewarded her. Not with isk, which Alice didn't really need, but with a standing invitation to join the New Order and enforce the Code.

Now for a more typical case of a newbie who lost everything. How should Agent Aaaarrgg handle Sepultra Redmist's cry for help?

Aaaarrgg and a small group of Agents destroyed Sepultra's fail-fit Procurer. Although CCP buffed the EHP of Skiffs and Procurers almost the point of absurdity, Sepultra managed to pilot one with less than 20,000 hitpoints. Even more damning, Sepultra's pod warped back to the station but remained outside for 18 minutes before our heroes removed it.

Sepultra's first EVEmail was intended to elicit, if not reimbursement isk, then at least pity. He could only keep up the act for a few minutes before sending another EVEmail. This time he called Aaaarrgg and his fellow Agents "idiots" and falsely accused them of violating the Code. Curiously, the accusation was based on the exact same misinterpretation of the Code that we see from miners all over highsec.

I'm not sure why so many carebears believe that our Agents are required to do an AFK check before ganking them. I've read the Code many times and have never seen that provision in there. (An ironic twist: The same carebears who manage to find that apparently well-hidden provision always manage to gloss over the part about buying a mining permit.)

Sepultra's attitude problem was readily apparent. If he was as new to EVE as he claimed, Sepultra was certainly quick to ascend the learning curve on how to become a Goofus.

Aaaarrgg helped the miner out by reminding him of his obligations under the Code. As an Agent of the New Order, Aaaarrgg knew the actual Code provisions, not the ones that miners make up for themselves. Carebears, I can't urge you enough to contact an Agent if you need help with Code interpretation.

Again, Sepultra accused our Agent of violating the Code, despite being unable to identify any provision that Aaaarrgg violated. Although miners are instructed to read the Code regularly, and although they're expected to follow it, miners get into trouble when they start telling others how to follow it. For some reason, that often results in heretical doctrines being propounded. Miners, focus on being obedient. Leave the leadership to our Agents.

Our Agent spoke frankly to the allegedly young miner. Would Sepultra admit his guilt, or would he come up with more excuses to explain away his bot-aspirant behavior?

In seeking to deny his crimes, the miner condemned himself instead. He admitted that he'd bought a ship he couldn't afford to lose. While claiming not to be AFK, he admitted that he was "talking to a mate" and, later, "out for a smoke" when he should've been concentrating on the game. Astonishingly, Sepultra declared his intention not to read EVE-related websites... apparently including MinerBumping!

Aaaarrgg tested the miner by offering to help him join the New Order, but Sepultra gave him a bit of the "I might've, but I won't" treatment. He was too happy with the corpmates he already had. The same corpmates who didn't give the newbie any isk or good advice.

Sepultra decided to compose an EVEmail to the Saviour of Highsec. More crimes followed. Unless he'd brought his keyboard with him when he went outside to smoke, Sepultra most certainly was AFK. Even worse than lying to the Saviour, the miner claimed, "No one seems to follow the Code." That's a slander on all highsec--and quite a leap for a new player to make after supposedly encountering the Code for the first time.

Despite claiming that he loved his new corp--too much to consider joining CODE.(!)--Sepultra soon left. Somehow I get the feeling that this miner wasn't much of a team player.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

My Rocket to Destroy the Whole World, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bing Bangboom was able to stop an illegal mining operations dead in its tracks simply by entering local. Rfotq NoName and his alts fled the Erenten asteroid belts and docked up without seeing so much as a Catalyst. Having retreated from the field of battle, NoName plotted his counterattack: An angry, profanity-laden rant in local.
Rfotq NoName > Came up with his garbage and to believe in her other make - as well as fuck off of here
Rfotq NoName > Yes, I wanted to shit on what you think
Rfotq NoName > Think at home
Bing Bangboom > Do you know any English except the curse words?
Admittedly, English wasn't NoName's first language. On the other hand, even the miners who speak English fluently sound pretty much the same as this guy.
Rfotq NoName > helps me Google translator))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Rfotq NoName > You personally pinned the label - pinned answer for something that is pinned - or fuck off
Rfotq NoName > and you yourself fuck off from this system
Bing Bangboom > you have nothing to say about whether I leave or stay.
Bing Bangboom > Quite unlike me telling you you cannot mine, as I can enforce what I say
From the very beginning, Agents of the New Order have been able to bring the Code into reality through their actions. It was true from the moment the first miner got bumped out of an ice field and was unable to mine. Our law is real.
Rfotq NoName > so you just fly - you say something and no more, they refer to some documents, you come up with - and I am forced to follow them? fuck you
Bing Bangboom > yes, you have to follow the Code while in a New Order system... like this one.
Rfotq NoName > ant something to say against me personally? so I'm all destinations rastavil where to go - fuck you
Bing Bangboom > No no... nothing against you personally. It applies to all highsec miners.
Rfotq NoName > Bing Bangboom Will teach the great and mighty
Since NoName was unwilling to read the Code in any language, Bing had no choice but to converse with the miner as best he could. With any luck, NoName would appreciate the gesture and open his heart to the Code.
Bing Bangboom > If they want to mine in highsec I do.
Rfotq NoName > Bing Bangboom I took a note on - you either specialists or doctors go when obostrenie
Rfotq NoName > Ahuet
Bing Bangboom > I'm a Code enforcement specialist.
Rfotq NoName > death will be unexpected for you personally
Bing Bangboom > in game, of course.
So far, the miner remained hostile. And for all you Anti-Gankers and rebels who say that our Agents "provoke" this kind of behavior with our ganks, remember: NoName hadn't even been ganked. He docked up when Bing entered the system.
Rfotq NoName > You dalbaeb - just like a monkey to press the button continue
Rfotq NoName > translate does not translate
Bing Bangboom > You mean you want me to die in game.. not RL. That's what I asked.
Rfotq NoName > I want the British Isles to destroy - prevents Europe - Europe crease is not a problem - another problem arises LOUSE - US are unable to destroy us, so we zhivimi you get today
Bing sincerely hoped that NoName wanted to keep it in-game. Earlier, NoName threatened to show up at Bing's house. Now all of Europe was at risk, and possibly America. I think.
Rfotq NoName > Mosk fuck not yourself - and the one who listens - well you fucking savetnik Goebbels
Rfotq NoName > just who are you to tell me where I should be?
Bing Bangboom > Who do I have to be?
Rfotq NoName > Fuck you
Rfotq NoName > Fuck you I can? can fact
Rfotq NoName > You know the jokes you can make
Somehow the Nazi propaganda minister got name-dropped. As the scope of NoName's rage widened from Bing's house to Europe and the western world, it was clear that something was desperately needed to salvage the situation and prevent catastrophe. A mining permit, perhaps.
Rfotq NoName > A bunch of shit together - and what?
Rfotq NoName > fucked convening to battle
Rfotq NoName > What I owed to the almost all of you in the locale? nothing - so fuck you - my rocket to destroy the whole world - have you thought about that?
NoName played his trump card, threatening to deploy his super-weapon and murder everyone on earth. Since his only complaint was being unable to mine without paying 10 million isk, you might call that overkill. However, NoName is far from the first miner to contemplate such extremes. For example, one carebear was so pained by the loss of his mining barge that he wished for World War III to end humanity.
Rfotq Simpson > What the fuck is going on here? There is no independent
Rfotq Simpson > What the fuck is going on here? There is no independent
Bing Bangboom > Miner, calm down
Rfotq Simpson > Bing Bangboom Want obedit - and from which country?
Rfotq Simpson > I'm sitting at the station - and from the collection of all - Oh mother Mata not to say
Bing Bangboom > You are sitting IN the station...
Rfotq NoName switched over to Rfotq Simpson. When miners get really flustered--or feel threatened--they start chatting with a different alt. It's an instinct, like when a fish puffs up or a cat arches its back to appear bigger.
Rfotq Simpson > Friend - you want to tell me what I owed to the almost?
Bing Bangboom > You owe 10 million ISK per pilot to James 315 . I am authorized to collect it.
Bing Bangboom > Good for a whole year and covers all of highsec.
Rfotq Simpson > Buddy - the Russian will be able to conquer? And you fucked up stoned perceiving
Rfotq Simpson > Russian - not Russian - the Finns - the Finns are not
NoName continued to send mixed signals about his national origin. This was relevant to a conversation about mining permits, of course, because Russians have nukes while Finland, presumably, does not. Miner logic. Don't waste too much effort trying to make sense of it--the miners certainly don't.
Bing Bangboom > you're a Finn?
Bing Bangboom > Your corp description is in Russian.
Rfotq Simpson > Had a friend - talked - a lot - once he ended
Rfotq Simpson > dead friend said - no need to fight, but if I wsimsuit - we must fight - pity shit is dead - you're fucked))) be Afraid of a rookie
Bing Bangboom > and your bio says Soviet made
Bing Bangboom > which I doubt but still, implies Russian
Rfotq Simpson > You are a fool or you repeat again? FUCK YOU
For a brief moment, NoName opened up to Bing and shared a heartwarming story about the ghost of his friend wearing a swimsuit. Maybe the two men could find common ground after all?
Rfotq Simpson > There is no answer to the offer of the day - to punch the fuck up each other
Rfotq Simpson > not stuffed - swing
Rfotq Simpson > do you not understand that?
Bing Bangboom > I understand you are very impolite
NoName's story took a swerve in an unfortunate direction, and he concluded that they would have no choice but to fight. It would be war.
Rfotq Simpson > Finno-Ugric do not teach - and I try to imagine - who are you?
Bing Bangboom > And I've told you who I am. I'm the local Agent of the New Order... and therefore, your boss.
Rfotq Simpson > You tell me what was said, and threatened - I'm like now and then say fuck you
Bing Bangboom > What I said was you have to have a mining permit.
Rfotq Simpson > I postrow bastard - you're no one to call you or fuck you.Or when you're not fought with the Russians in battle - never knew than to look out the window - we took Berlin
Despite having his mining fleet chased away by the mere sight of an Agent of the New Order, NoName was confident that he would ultimately prevail. He and his mining alts had defeated Hitler's armies and taken Berlin, had they not?
Rfotq Simpson > if you do not know or doubt it - read - look - the documents are there for reading
Rfotq Simpson > Fuck yeah!! I did not know that this solar system occupied.
Rfotq Simpson > I either make friends or not friends - I will beat everyone equally
Rfotq Simpson > thank gogle
NoName vowed to fight the Code until the bitter end. For now, though, his mining fleet would go into hibernation in a station while Agent Bing freely enforced the Code across highsec. The New Order will proceed with its mission as always, but all Agents are advised to watch the skies for any sign of NoName's rockets.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

My Rocket to Destroy the Whole World, Part 1

As the highsec saying goes, "When the Cat's away, the miners will AFK." Unfortunately for the bot-aspirant miner, if you're AFK, you can't tell when a Catalyst is inbound.

Some Agents of the New Order have such a presence that the mere appearance of their name in local is enough to stimulate compliance. And if not compliance, then at least fear or some other kind of activity. Bing Bangboom is one of those Agents.
Bing Bangboom > Yes, any highsec system is covered by a permit
Bing Bangboom > great value... for any of you economists.
ComedianII > Why it would be silly to lose a ship to save only 10M
Zed Lander > The price for a permit is 10mil, but the cost is far higher
When Bing enters local, the system springs to life, reacting as though a rock star has walked onto the stage.
Bing Bangboom > We fight against the bots and bot aspirants.
SalvaSnow > lots of agents are...racketeers?
Bing Bangboom > law enforcement
Bing Bangboom > you mispelled it.
SalvaSnow > I did. Much more fun your way
Bing Bangboom > More fun is the point of emergent gameplay
Nez Tradesman > I kinda apperiate his presence, but to be fair, you code guys keep things alive aswell, I dont mind you
And when Bing's not around, the locals talk about him. Unless talking or thinking about or reacting to Agents of the New Order, a highsec system is generally dead. In a very real way, the Code keeps EVE alive.
EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Erenta
Spine Ripper > no mining without a permit
Rfotq NoName > Have any shit to ask permission not necessary - fuck you
Bing Bangboom moved to the Erenta system and scanned for rebel miners. He spotted a small flock of them, consisting of Rfotq NoName and his alts. Bing's own ganker alt, Spine Ripper, didn't even need to land on grid. NoName's mining fleet preemptively evacuated the asteroid belt and docked up. It was a tremendous victory for the New Order, and it didn't even require a shot to be fired. NoName cursed his rotten luck.
Bing Bangboom > The Code requires all miners to speak respectfully to Agents at all times.
Bing Bangboom >
Bing Bangboom >
Bing Bangboom > The Code in Russian
Bing gave NoName the benefit of the doubt by assuming the miner's broken English indicated he wasn't a native speaker. Based on NoName's profile and his own knowledge of the Erenta neighborhood, Bing concluded that the miner would benefit from a Russian translation of the Code.
Rfotq NoName > I already told you where to go - fuck you . Rules write only for myself , but I am a free man
Rfotq NoName > Who is he that would write rules for all? He's a nobody! and his name is not as - so fuck you
Bing Bangboom > I can't help but notice that you aren't mining.
Rfotq NoName > in plain language explain to me what your rules are not needed?
Bing Bangboom > I provided it to you in Russian... have you read it?
Our Agent stretched out the hand of friendship. Now it was time for NoName to do likewise, by paying Bing 10 million isk.
Rfotq NoName > Friend you do not confuse the Russian and Finno-Ugric language
Rfotq NoName > I read and speak only in this language
Bing Bangboom > Great. Then go to and The Code is right at the top
Bing Bangboom > Then you will understand the rules.
Rfotq NoName > Are you stupid - apparently so bad that do not understand
Rfotq NoName > I told them, fuck all of you
Unfortunately, we don't yet have a Finno-Ugric translation of the Code. Maybe NoName could have paid for a permit, joined the Order, and written one for us. Then he could've helped himself and his fellow Finno-Ugrics. But NoName chose to be an angry, docked-up Goofus instead. What a missed opportunity for everyone.
Bing Bangboom > I explained it to you but I can't understand it for you.
Bing Bangboom > No mining in New Order systems without a permit.
Bing Bangboom > Easy to understand.
Rfotq NoName > Will command where there is a subordinate - then you don't have them
Bing Bangboom > Its James 315 's rule. I just enforce it.
Highsec miners are bad at PvP. They only know how to shoot two things: Asteroids and the messenger.
Rfotq NoName > Bing Bangboom Itself you can? just to say that? or is it to do?
Bing Bangboom > I'm the local Agent. There are plenty more if I need help.
Bing Bangboom > Which I don't.
Rfotq NoName > Understand - well then sorry - you said - and I said - let's goodbye
Bing Bangboom > you are leaving highsec?
Rfotq NoName > Yes , from Highsec to your house
NoName's mining fleet was cooling its heels in the station, but NoName's temper was only heating up.
Bing Bangboom > ah... I see
Bing Bangboom > should I be worried?
Rfotq NoName > Friend remember finami need to speak respectfully
Bing Bangboom > I am always polite
Rfotq NoName > and then you come out of Finland - will give pizdyuley - then mother will not remember and will not collect
Bing's Finno-Ugric was a little rusty, but he was pretty sure NoName was committing more Code violations.
Bing Bangboom > what's pizdyuley ?
Rfotq NoName > you will not collect
Bing Bangboom > 10 million each is pretty cheap
Rfotq NoName > ratebut you to pieces Hamachi
Rfotq NoName > Bing Bangboom But who are you?
Rfotq NoName > Are you a developer from Iceland?
Highsec miners have a language all their own. NoName was pulling the "only CCP can make rules for the game" card. Though if NoName made good on his promise to visit Bing's house, I doubt the visit would be a EULA-compliant one.
Bing Bangboom > I told you. I'm the local Agent for the New Order of Highsec. You were mining in our space. So, you have to follow the Code.
Rfotq NoName > No? - then you can go fuck yourself
Bing Bangboom > back to the bad language?
Bing Bangboom > I thought we had moved past taht.
Rfotq NoName > Yeah shit I'm on everything your imagination wanted - shit and going to shit
You see that last line? That's not a thing that a miner says before buying a permit. Things were getting dangerously out of control.
Bing Bangboom > See, I don't mind destroying your ships but I'd rather you just buy permits and follow the Code.
Rfotq NoName > Get the fuck out of here
Rfotq NoName > You are no one
Bing Bangboom > I'm not leaving.
Bing Bangboom > Its my responsibility that Erenta be Code compliant and I'm not shirking my responsibility
NoName demanded that Bing leave Erenta. Bing refused. Now both sides were entrenched, and neither showed any signs of backing down. (Aside from NoName's fleet docking up when Bing entered local, that is.)

To be continued...

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Too Much Time in the Ice Anomalies

The New Order is the lifeblood of EVE today. People ask, "Where are the new players? Where's the next generation of elite PvP'ers?" I direct them to the New Order. We are turning out elite PvP'ers--almost more than we know what to do with.

Sitting by himself in the ice anomaly of Kiskoken one day: The inauspiciously named Minin' Mike of the inauspiciously named ISK.Space corporation. This frightful scene attracted the attention of Agent Duvaindes Fireleaf, who put Mike's Covetor to the torch.

It was a routine operation with the expected result, a tremendous CODE. victory. But when Mike was asked to buy a permit, something strange occurred.

The destruction of the miner's ship had left him adrift in a sea of confusion. He cried out in local for the only thing he could think of.

Duvaindes followed standard protocol. It was ineffective, not having been designed with this particular breed of carebear in mind.

Witnessing this sorry spectacle, the Kiskoken community did not rally around Minin' Mike. They were too busy nursing their own grudges against CODE.

Our Agent tried to help the miner snap out of it. But Mike's mind--what was left of it--could not be pried from its single-minded obsession.

Duvaindes quickly realized that Mike's psyche had been left in shambles, the result of far too many AFK mining ops in the ice anomalies of highsec.

Only a few months into her career as a Code enforcer, Duvaindes had come across one of the severest cases of bot-aspirancy ever encountered. There was little guidance to be found in the New Order literature. She could only hope that the next time Mike was ganked, a more experienced Agent would have better luck with him.

Minin' Mike was truly a cautionary tale.

Carebears, don't let this happen to you, too. You think it won't, but that's probably what Mike thought when he first began to mine.

Better to stick with the Code instead, don't you agree?