Saturday, February 16, 2019

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #177

There's nothing scarier than an EVE player who's left the game. Time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

After losing his Venture, Kabajachi sent our Agent a message in Russian. Here's the Google translation:
a message to the fag
From: Kabajachi
Sent: 2019.02.04 10:02
To: Falllon,

Feel better? treat your ragged ass, and then angry, you throw at people
Some people say Ventures shouldn't be ganked. However:

...They may not read the Code every day, but these guys know they're guilty.

Who needs critters when you've got the Code on your side?

Every so often, I receive a surrender offer from one of the many corps and alliances that get wardecced by the mighty CODE. alliance. After speaking with the Agent responsible for this particular wardec, I was authorized to take the carebear's money--if he had any.

...Never trust a carebear, especially when it comes to isk.

Highsec miners whine, "If you want PvP, got to lowsec." Agent Magalaus Shardani nicely turned it around on some lowseccers who didn't belong in highsec. I won't comment on Fixy FixIT's response, but it was dumb.

If Michael Grims had a tanked Skiff or Procurer, why wasn't he using it?

...Oh, he was saving his tanked ships for a special occasion.

Diplomacy is important to CODE. That's why we only use tech II diplomats.

You can tell a conflict has been satisfactorily resolved when a mining ship explodes.

That's a question I don't normally get asked. Everyone knows my name. The bad people tremble at it.

A lot's changed in EVE in the last 10 years. And all the stuff that's changed for the better is because of us.

Friday, February 15, 2019

Over One Trillion Seven Hundred Thirty-Eight Billion in Shares Sold

The New Order of Highsec continues to be EVE's #1 organization when it comes to love, friendship, and generosity. And buying New Order shares for yourself and others is a fine expression of those things.

...And now for the big bucks. Agent ST0NER SMURF took advantage of the skill injector system to extract some SP and put it to work in the form of isk. ST0NER more than doubled his holdings with an order for 20,000 shares. This is a big deal for a number of reasons. The purchase sent us past the 1,718, 1,719, 1,720, 1,721, 1,722, 1,723, 1,724, 1,725, 1,726, 1,727, 1,728, 1,729, 1,730, 1,731, 1,732, 1,733, 1,734, 1,735, 1,736, and 1,737 billion isk marks.

The icing on the cake: A Vigintuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Those are very powerful. (If you doubt, purchase 20,000 shares and see for yourself.)

From a business standpoint, ST0NER's purchase was a huge power play. He leapfrogged numerous distinguished shareholders and became the 9th biggest shareholder of all time.

Meanwhile, Benson en Efnyssen made an understated, dignified purchase of 250 shares. This was good timing, allowing us to pass 1,738 billion isk mark--and earning Benson a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.


Spoiler alert: The "plan" is that the Alliance Tournament has been cancelled. Evidently, hosting Alliance Tournaments was not one of CCP and Pearl Abyss's agreed-upon "business goals".

The significance of this should be obvious: The mighty CODE. alliance remains undefeated!

Of course, as the reigning AT champs, we get a lot of tomatoes thrown our way by lesser PvP'ers. "But James 315," they say. "Wasn't CODE. permabanned from the AT in 2014?" Although CCP Gargant did make such a declaration, we must remember that it was a mistake on his part--done in the heat of the moment--and in any event he left CCP in 2015. It's doubtful that anyone still working at CCP today would uphold such a clearly erroneous ban. If the AT was still a thing, that is.

Actually, CCP Falcon claims that the Alliance Tournament will come back--eventually. Kind of like how eventually someone will rise up and destroy CODE.?

Don't hold your breath! For now, highsec remains the one true arena of elite PvP.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Carebear Don't Care, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Scandal rocked the MinerBumping channel! Highsec mining corp CEO AMARR DontCare accused Agents from the PKing Since Pong alliance of unjustly terminating Aeryn Hanaya's Hulk. Incredibly, the miner in question did own a permit at the time. But said miner was also found guilty of multiple counts of violating the Code.
D34dly D34dly > hmmm. you sure you remember who should give the gf?
AMARR DontCare > both
AMARR DontCare > im not here to argue, i understand and thanks.
Larsulrik Napsterbane > "- Upon being suicide ganked, a miner should congratulate the ganker on his success. A "good fight" or "gf" in local is customary."
Larsulrik Napsterbane > Quoting the Code.... no mention of the miner being congratulated.
The mining corp CEO thought he knew the Code. And maybe he was familiar with some of its provisions. But the Agents of the New Order are scholars--their knowledge of the Code is on a completely different level.
Piz Caldera > AMARR DontCare [x] decadent implants [x] decadent drones [x] no greeting [x] no "gf" [x] no tank + fail fit [x] excessive use of mining crystals [x] probably afk or semi afk Your member is guilty!!
Lewak > yeah so many violatins
Lewak > you must educate your friends AMARR DontCare
Lewak > and teach them how to follow the code
AMARR DontCare > lol all good people all good i checked and i agree,
The ganked Hulk pilot had zero chance of getting her loss reimbursed. Faced with a mountain of evidence of Aeryn's guilt, her CEO... agreed?
Lewak > gallant improves his ship ehp while goofus puts on blingy modules" - James 315
Berger Luckmann > Guys, what's teh ehp range of an obelisk?
Berger Luckmann > from antitanked to bulkheads? I don;t have pyfa on this pc
AMARR DontCare > oh hows the competition coming along?
AMARR DontCare > for most horrible fit and most valuable kill and all that
With AMARR seemingly conceding every point and changing the subject, things began to return to normal in the MinerBumping channel. The crisis had passed. And maybe no one would have given the matter a second thought, except...

...Aeryn lost another Hulk.
Larsulrik Napsterbane > Kill: Aeryn Hanaya (Hulk) repeat offender? surely not!
Lewak > he just died again? lol
Larsulrik Napsterbane > yeah... went back to mine at the same bookmark....
Lewak > unbelievable
At the very moment that AMARR was supposed to be putting his house in order, his corp member suffered another mystifying loss to the same gankers. Would he apologize again, or would he make a heel turn?
AMARR DontCare > well he does not have permit again or implants so
Lewak > AMARR DontCare u have some teaching to do
AMARR DontCare > well they not affiliated with CODE so killing spree here we come
AMARR chose to defend the indefensible. Incredibly, he even wanted Aeryn to get credit for not having decadent implants this time--because they had already been destroyed during the first gank!
D34dly D34dly > AMARR DontCare I never gank any permit holder (except when they are obviously breaking the Code).
AMARR DontCare > D34dly D34dly lol all good i like 8D
Aeryn Hanaya > ok for what did i was guilty the second time ?
Without warning, the controversy escalated further. Aeryn herself joined the MinerBumping channel and demanded an explanation for her latest death.
Lewak > everything the first time
Larsulrik Napsterbane > plus not having a valid permit.....
Aeryn Hanaya > afk ? augmented dromes ?
Aeryn Hanaya > nice and why di you not type anything in lockal as you need to ( from CODE)
In the eyes of the Agents, Aeryn was obviously guilty (again). The miner couldn't cover up her own crimes--so she accused our Agents of violating the Code, too.
Lewak > we dont need to
Larsulrik Napsterbane > Aeryn Hanaya no agent needs to type in local.
Aeryn Hanaya > everyne so far dose it :)
Larsulrik Napsterbane >
Larsulrik Napsterbane > James explains it here.
Alas, it seemed that everyone in dontcare Corporation misread the Code in exactly the same way. They all saw the Phantom Provision.
SWAGGZENEGGER > lady did u know how fast u where mining?
Aeryn Hanaya > SWAGGZENEGGER ofc i know
Aeryn Hanaya > im trying to mine as fast as i can because i got only 3 to 4 hours a day to play if im lucky
Lewak > you should not mine for 4 hours
Lewak > you just confessed to another crime of "excessive mining"
Miners, this is why you hire a space lawyer to represent you.
Aeryn Hanaya > what shoud i doo thenm ?
Lewak > dunno maybe enforce the code?
Lewak > lots of fun to be had in 4 hours of enforcing it
Aeryn Hanaya > you are beeng stupid right now
Aeryn Hanaya > i like mining its make me calm
Despite having lost all of her mining equipment, Aeryn was able to dig herself into a deeper hole.
SWAGGZENEGGER > are uy saying the code is stupid?
Lewak > miner, calm down
Aeryn Hanaya > and im on drugs to calm mysef
Lewak > enforcing the code can also be very calm and relaxing
Lewak > find some rets or vents in nice calm system
For whatever reason, Aeryn believed that EVE was all about mining. Our Agents knew better: EVE is all about the Code.
Aeryn Hanaya > nice :) next time try to understand the CODE ... its nice but you dont understand it
Aeryn Hanaya > o7
Lewak > lol
Aeryn Hanaya > yup
Aeryn Hanaya > "lol"as you like :)
Though she owned a mining permit, Aeryn was behaving like a Goofus in front of the entire MinerBumping channel. Yet she was convinced that everyone else was a Code violator. What was the source of this madness?

To be continued...

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Carebear Don't Care, Part 1

Pop quiz, dear reader.

How do you square this...

...With this?

Or, for that matter, with this?
Larsulrik Napsterbane > Kill: Aeryn Hanaya (Hulk) Kill: Aeryn Hanaya (Capsule) + 5 augmented mining drones.....
Lewak > decent pod
Slutzilla > interesting pod for a permit holder....
One fine day, the heroes of highsec were hanging out in the MinerBumping channel, sharing awesome kills the way cool people do. Agents Larsulrik Napsterbane and Slutzilla of the PKing Since Pong alliance announced the news of their most recent gank.
SWAGGZENEGGER > did she greet u in local?
Slutzilla > with that fit it wouldnt matter.... no tank (for example)... using augmented mining drones... and so on.
Piz Caldera > The pod is too decadent for a miner. It was right to remove it!
Lewak > its as if he intended to mock the permit by all the violations he was doing while having it displayed
Our Agents were amazed by the bot-aspirant miner's decadence and lack of concern for the Code. Even more scandalous--the guilty miner owned a permit.
AMARR DontCare > why is people ganking us while we have permits?
Larsulrik Napsterbane > Ganking who?
AMARR DontCare > well cant say they are code but they have james 315 in their bio
Larsulrik Napsterbane > who?
AMARR DontCare > ill give the names in a minute.
Just then, someone burst into the MinerBumping channel with an urgent report: Agents of the New Order had ganked a permit-holder! But who would do such a thing?

The concerned citizen, AMARR DontCare, identified the Agents. They were members of PKing Since Pong. The news didn't make sense, though, since the Agents in question were known to be men of honour.
AMARR DontCare > did not gank me ganked my corp member.
Larsulrik Napsterbane > "dontcare Corporation"?
AMARR DontCare > yes
D34dly D34dly > the hulk with the aug mining drones? xD
AMARR DontCare > D34dly D34dly yes that 1
Suddenly, it clicked.

AMARR DontCare was the CEO of Aeryn Hanaya, the same miner whose decadent Hulk, pod, and drones had been the subject of discussion in MinerBumping at that very moment.
AMARR DontCare > i mean seriously.
Piz Caldera > AMARR DontCare did your corp member used to have a decadent hulk, with decadent drones and decadent pod Sir?
Larsulrik Napsterbane > With no tank?
Larsulrik Napsterbane > scroll up!
AMARR DontCare > lol ok then
Everything started to make sense; the mystery had been solved in record time. Now all that remained was for AMARR to apologize for the confusion and straighten out the wayward miner in his corp.
AMARR DontCare > no local chat at all
AMARR DontCare > there was no anouncement like it should have been
AMARR DontCare > no anouncement of any kind
Slutzilla > announcement? what do you mean?
Slutzilla > You are talking about "The Phantom Provision"?
...It soon became clear that things would not be so simple. Invoking the Phantom Provision, AMARR sought to blame the Agents who had brought Aeryn to justice!
AMARR DontCare > we great if we see an agent but they did not even send GF in local so meaning they did not follow code rules anyways
Slutzilla > Agents dont have to give the miners a gf... especially if they are no longer in local.... (podded)
D34dly D34dly > hmmm. you sure you remember who should give the gf?
AMARR DontCare > both
Now, in the very heart of the MinerBumping channel, battle lines were being drawn. At stake were matters of incalculable importance--and the very meaning of the Code itself.

To be continued...

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Order in the Court, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... btujustin btujustin lost his Covetor and lost his cool. The miner was invited to have his case heard in court. Once there, btujustin lost his composure, too.

Questioned about his unfortunate (and illegal) use of bling, the miner was as stubborn as ever.

Just then, our Agents ganked DunkyPSA, whose Gila was far blingier than btujustin's Covetor.

DunkyPSA, too, was dragged into the courtroom to join his fellow defendant.

Unlike btujustin, DunkyPSA didn't try to justify what he'd done. He had no excuse, and he knew it. There was no denying that the gank had been fair. DunkyPSA therefore let the matter stand. But btujustin would not give up so easily.

In fact, btujustin couldn't even accept the fact that he was a miner. His denial changed nothing, though. Our Agents moved on.

The miner sat by himself while the people who had judged him attended to other matters.

Time went by, and btujustin grew impatient. Though he'd already lost, the miner still had every hope of winning his case. And he had a plan.

btujustin brought his friend Darth Terona into the courtroom. Was Darth an experienced space lawyer?

Darth had his legal strategy all mapped out. Unfortunately, our Agents had already seen it before. Darth was the epitome of the Former Fan, a breed of anti-Code rebel whose characteristics have been analyzed before on MinerBumping. Our Agents diagnosed him at once.

Like others of his type, Darth attempted to support his argument by invoking the history of the Code--while never actually having being a part of it.

Darth insisted that Agents like Aiko Danuja and Lewak were corrupt--and that their interpretation of the Code was a perversion of the original, pure, true Code.

Lewak and Aiko called the Former Fan's bluff.

...And that is how you deal with the Former Fan. Once his bluff has been called, there's nothing left for him to do but tip his cap and end the conversation.

Darth's defeat also sealed the fate of btujustin, who had been relying on him. Our Agents wielded the Code to cut through the rebels' deceptions and to do justice in highsec. I guess their Code must be the true one after all.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Order in the Court, Part 1

Say, dear reader, does this Covetor look familiar?

In the Sulking in Kino series, we saw what happened when btujustin btujustin was ganked--but we didn't see btujustin himself. Instead, we saw things from the perspective of Agent Minx Mattel, who dealt with other carebears in the system:

As you'll recall, Minx had her hands full dealing with space lawyers and mouthy miners in Kino. Meanwhile, her fellow Agents were occupied elsewhere. The truth is, dear reader, our Agents are constantly active everywhere in highsec. MinerBumping can only hope to report a tiny fraction of what goes on in New Order territory each day.

While the events of "Sulking in Kino" were unfolding, Agent Aiko Danuja and other members of the gank fleet summoned btujustin into a private convo.

In fact, it was a courtroom--and the miner was in the dock. He didn't know it yet, but btujustin was in for the fight of his life. Did he have the charisma, sophistication, and diplomatic skill needed to talk his way into the Agents' good graces?

...Early signs were not promising for this miner. Protip for the carebears: Don't forget that our Agents are also judges. They will judge you.

Though powerful almost beyond belief, our Agents are also filled with a surprisingly decent amount of compassion.

btujustin was defiant. In reality, our Agents are quite capable of patrolling the entirety of highsec. By contrast, btujustin could only be in one place at any given time.

The miner attempted to outwit our Agents with a few lies. Like countless other miners before him, he was cut down to size by our Agents' wit and wisdom.

Although btujustin accidentally torpedoed his own reimbursement claim, there was still some unsettled business. He was missing something.

The court rendered a fair verdict: btujustin needed a mining permit.

The miner could've purchased a permit right then and there. Instead, he indulged in some idle bluster--while failing to stop our Agents from making money off of him. He indirectly gave our Agents isk, but in a way that wouldn't earn him any credit. From btujustin's perspective, this was the worst of both worlds. Why do so many miners do this?

...Perhaps because they are Goofuses.

To be continued...