Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Tapestry of Tears, Part 9

Previously, on MinerBumping... Vaughn Law aka Lahnius shocked all present in the mighty CODE. alliance's channel when he announced his intention to form a new, more powerful version of Anti-Ganking: "Hardcore AG".

Though Vaughn's allegiance was now solidly with Hardcore AG, he still expressed regrets about missed opportunities from his time in CODE.

Indeed, Vaughn saw himself as the judge of who was truly CODE. and who was merely a pretender. During his roughly 10-day stay in the alliance, he'd been one of the true CODE. members.

Vaughn was bitter about the fact that CODE. leadership never acted on his "intel reports". That wouldn't be a problem for Hardcore AG; he'd be the leadership himself.
Vaughn Law > COWARD
Vaughn Law > C O W A R D
Vaughn Law > waoit i know you ... ummm ... damn i cant remember your original name but wqe were in alliance in shattered galaxy .. and you were a bitch then too
Trump The King > wtf is shattered galaxy
Vaughn Law > hahahaha ikr
Vaughn Law > you were a punk then and yer a punk now
Agent Trump The King found himself accused of having a connection to something called "Shattered Galaxy". Apparently this referred to another game, which Vaughn had played in the past. Vaughn was convinced that he'd crossed paths with Trump in that game.

Regardless, Shattered Galaxy was the past. Hardcore AG was the future--one which spelled certain doom for Agent Alt 00.

Agent Trump realized that there was little chance of convincing Vaughn to join a TeamSpeak conference. However, there was a new priority: To gather information about Hardcore AG before it could seize control of Nakugard and other systems.
Vaughn Law > good gawd man you truly have no reasl idea who i am?
Vaughn Law > wow
Vaughn Law > idiot ... lol ... btw all refineries are pulled due to potential wardec ... by anyone ... fuck you punk
Vaughn Law > Trump The King you causewd all of this ...
Trump The King > im glad i caused this
Rather than trying to reason with the Hardcore Anti-Ganker, Trump aimed to make comments which might elicit information about Vaughn's intentions. With any luck, Vaughn would let something valuable slip.
Vaughn Law > i will copy that to alt 00 every fucking time we destroy him
Vaughn Law > ?love hugs and kisses
Vaughn Law > asshat
Vaughn Law > yoiu are a complete dumbshit
Vaughn Law > just like in shattered galaxy
Trump The King > wtf is shattered galaxy
Though Vaughn did not appear to have any useful information at his disposal, Trump's was a relatively low-effort operation: Hearing just a few words from Trump would set Vaughn off for quite some time.
Vaughn Law > its all goiod ... nakugard will be code free
Vaughn Law > and im about to prive it to you
Vaughn Law > Trump The King alt 00 cant controil 11 cats
Vaughn Law > i will exploiut it
Vaughn Law > and i will share
The anti-Code resistance leader's plan came into focus as he repeatedly indulged in fantasies about preventing ganks in Nakugard.
Vaughn Law > we are going to fuck you guys up ..
Vaughn Law > you have no idea
Vaughn Law > you creAteds a targert
Vaughn Law > crerated
Vaughn Law > alt 00 will pay
It had now been over two hours since Vaughn started ranting and raving in the Alliance channel. Our Agents decided to test the rebel:
Vaughn Law > but isnt this your dream?
Vaughn Law > to destroy code?
Trump The King > definitely
Vaughn Law > Trump The King i knew it, thank you fcor the confirmation
Vaughn Law > copied to james 315
Vaughn Law > mwah
With one word, Agent Trump spun Vaughn up into another fit.
Tax Collector HongMei > trump is James 315 dumbo
Vaughn Law > is he? lkmao thats actually pretty gay
Vaughn Law > thjats embarrsssing
Vaughn Law > well lets see how ccp feel about it lol
Vaughn Law > the while account sharing thing ... you know ... come on now big man how about you talksome more shit lol
Vaughn Law > opening a report form now
Vaughn Law > DUMBASS
With any luck, Vaughn would chase phantoms and waste his time on petitions while Alt 00 readied her defenses in Nakugard. But one thing was clear: Time was running out.

To be continued...

Monday, August 13, 2018

Tapestry of Tears, Part 8

Previously, on MinerBumping... Vaughn Law, also known as the Anti-Ganker Lahnius, prepared to go to war against the mighty CODE. alliance. And his first target was none other than Alt 00, the only Agent he'd ever truly respected.
Trump The King > alt 00 is on comms with us right now
Vaughn Law > Trump The King i dont care
Trump The King > well he does
Vaughn Law > warn hin of your misdeeds
Thus far, nothing could entice Vaughn to return to the CODE. TeamSpeak server--not even the promise of Alt 00's presence.
Trump The King > he wants a civil discussion
Vaughn Law > Trump The King yea thats goinbg to happen ... tell him how you fucked him
Vaughn Law > Trump The King no its not up to me ... i went comms you guys want to be siully boys
Vaughn Law > l;ol silly blyz die
Again and again, our Agents offered to hash things out on voice comms. Vaughn was insistent: He'd never again risk his reputation in that way.
Trump The King > Vaughn Law
Vaughn Law > look asshat Trump The King ... you did this ... you caused this ... i tried to tell you that minerbumping was infiltrated by ag ... but no you wouldnt listen ... and you even went farther toi insult ... so hey f u man ... man ,,., i tried
Vaughn Law > btw asshats i dont reply to douche mail
Slowly but surely, Vaughn's ability to type was deteriorating. In Agent Trump's view, that made voice communication all the more essential.
Trump The King > teamspeak
Vaughn Law > Trump The King lol ... you are a funbny guy ...
Vaughn Law > but not too funny
Vaughn Law > Trump The King lol nope aint gonna happen
Vaughn Law > i tried
Vaughn Law > all is gone
Vaughn Law > you tiurned a code member into an ag
By now, it was clear that there was absolutely zero chance for successful peace talks. Vaughn was absolutely committed to rejoining the Anti-Gankers.

To show he was serious, Vaughn began to block various members of CODE. who were watching the spectacle in the Alliance channel. Trump The King remained unblocked, however--for now.

The rebooted Anti-Ganker grew increasingly frustrated by the endless invitations to join TeamSpeak. In fact, being badgered in this manner was almost as unpleasant as being on voice comms.
Vaughn Law > Trump The King dude i told yer dumbass ... i went on comms only to hear retards saying some of the dumbest shit i have ever heard in eve
Vaughn Law > i used to be ag ... i went code because i saw a better way ... biut what i have learned is code is a buncgh of idiots pretending tobe special ... time to back to ag ... and not the channle ag cuz those guys are morons ... we are our own ag ...
Though Vaughn planned to return to his rebellious ways, this time would be different. He still despised the "mainstream" Anti-Gankers who ran the Anti-Ganking channel.

Vaughn was confident that he alone possessed the skill to actually prevent ganks. He referred to the killboard of UNRealGUNS, a corporation that consisted of himself and a few alts:

Strangely, though, UNRealGUNS was apparently inactive from August 2017 to January 2018, the period during which Vaughn/Lahnius claimed to have scored his victories against CODE. And when the hiatus ended in January 2018, it was scarcely more active.
Vaughn Law > Trump The King good job at fuckingthat up
Vaughn Law > dumb shit
Vaughn Law > lmao
Vaughn Law > what a fool
Vaughn Law > you have no idea the ppl you shit on
Vaughn Law > and thjats the problem
Even so, Vaughn felt he was a cut above the other rebels who had crossed Agent Trump's path. This time, Trump would pay.

Vaughn spat at the Agent one more time before he unveiled his new vision:
holdmybeer > Vaughn Law come ts
Vaughn Law > look simple soul ... if i get kicked oh well ... i told James 315 whats going on ... if im shit on for telling ther truth then so be it
Vaughn Law > then i walk ... anmd i go hardcore ag ... not ag channle fuck those morons ... no ... ag on our own ... you guys have a hard time prtecting anything ...
Trump The King > hardcore ag

Vaughn's new breed of anti-Code resistance fighter had a name, one which would spread fear among every member of CODE.: Hardcore AG.

To be continued...

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Kills of the Week

Bot-aspirancy and non-compliance in the face of the New Order's overwhelming power is not merely foolhardiness--it's madness. If you think that's an exaggeration, merely cast your eyes upon the madness of these carebears, killed during the week of August 5th @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 11th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Just minutes before last week came to a close, Drake Parkman tried to pull a fast one on our Agents--or, rather, he tried to pull a slow one. Drake autopiloted his rookie ship through the Amarr system, one of highsec's most popular trade hubs. Agent Anyanka Funk was there to greet him.

The innocent, defenseless newbie in a rookie ship happened to be carrying 7.4 billion isk worth of skill injectors. You see? Madness.

Our Agents continue their war against unlicensed Refineries and other structures anchored in New Order territory. This week, the mighty CODE. alliance declared war against Honourable East India Company corporation. The war has gone well thus far, with the current isk tally standing at 16.4 billion isk to zero. Agents Sigrid Tystnad, Rainbow Cake, Kissemurra, Jathrine, Ice is Nice, Love Humps, Blazing Pancake, Chocolate Rainbow Cake, Dominated, Discofitta, Delicate Feminine Flower, and Kermakakku proved more than capable in the art of the wardec. This week also saw a wardec against J.C.R. Industrial Inc. corp, which is losing the war 13.4 billion isk to zero.

Carmela Tourraine was hanging out at one of Jita's "law schools" late last week. Apparently Carmela flunked the course in highsec law, i.e., the Code. Agents tumblr ptsd, Serious Web Developer, PogChampion, patyooki, Daniel Chanline, erobb, Shy Elf Trap, and James BIG BONED caught her piloting an unlicensed hauler. The law of highsec was enforced to the tune of 10.7 billion isk.

Carl Stonewall made a terrible mistake when he brought a 17.6 billion isk jump freighter into Niarja. Carl didn't know anything about the Code--and didn't know much more about EVE's game mechanics:

Somehow, Agents Facebookina McHashtags vonInstagram and Jason Kusion managed to talk Carl into a situation from which there was no escape.

Mustafa Alijandro was at the helm of a 4.9 billion isk "ship that can't shoot back". Mustafa didn't know it, but he was about to engage in elite PvP with Agents Ralliana, TroubleShooter Maker, Luna Nightblood, Underpaid Ship Mechanic, TroubleStarter Maker, and HiJack Maker. Mustafa was likely AFK at the time, but I'm sure our Agents would be happy to tell him all about the glorious battle.

Scootyie's 3 billion isk Golem met its end in Uedama, burial ground of bling. Agent holdmybeer was on hand to dispose of the Golem's pod.

Scootyie lost 3.2 billion isk worth of implants, including a Crystal set. Non-compliance is never pretty.

Saturday, August 11, 2018

The Rising Star, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Isanamo's resident Anti-Ganker Akmaund Askiras sought a decisive engagement with the mighty CODE. alliance--and he got one. Unfortunately for Akmaund, the result was a total victory for CODE.

Akmaund's boasting was cut short when his Omen was ganked. This raised, yet again, the classic question that no Anti-Ganker has ever been able to answer: Why should miners trust Anti-Gankers to protect them, when the Anti-Gankers can't even protect their own ships?

Akmaund refused to accept his humiliating defeat. He proudly linked the killmail of one of the Catalysts that had just succeeded in ganking him.

Akmaund would have been well served to graciously accept defeat, respectfully ask the Agents for advice, and quietly purchase a mining permit. He failed to do any of those things.

Akmaund knew that his career as an anti-Code rebel wouldn't go anywhere if he let things stand as they were. He had to go all-in and somehow pull off a victory.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Akmaund: What about the kill rights he'd just gotten on the Agents who ganked him? Those kill rights had to be worth something, right?

Now Akmaund had his answer: The destruction of his prized ship was actually a devious gambit--part of an elaborate master plan.

According to the Anti-Ganker, he didn't lose the battle. It just really, really, really looked like he did.

And if anyone had trouble untangling his twisted logic, Akmaund could simply brag about phantom kills against CODE.

Earlier, Akmaund had attempted to bolster his credibility by claiming he'd been an EVE player for 10 years. Now he was a newbie. His loss was merely a youthful indiscretion.

Akmaund assumed that carebears thought of Anti-Gankers as heroes. Yet no one in Isanamo local said a word in his favor. Instead, he was hounded by Agents of the New Order. Frustrated and angry, Akmaund sought an escape from the conversation.

Suddenly, Akmaund had an epiphany. He didn't need to impress members of CODE.; it was the Anti-Gankers whose opinions of him mattered. After all, his intention was to become their leader. And so Akmaund retreated back to the Anti-Ganking channel:

Akmaund reported his so-called victory to the Anti-Gankers. At last, he hoped, he'd get the respect and encouragement that Isanamo local so cruelly withheld from him.

But then then unthinkable occurred: The Anti-Gankers mocked him, too!

To be continued...

Friday, August 10, 2018

Over One Trillion Six Hundred Two Billion in Shares Sold

There are so many reasons to buy New Order stock...

There are plenty of non-stock related reasons to send me isk, too.

...Then there are those who satisfy multiple motives by sending me isk. (And yes, MinerBumping shall always celebrate its top supporters each month.)

Aha! Another responsible corporate citizen.

Now let's get to the Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ portion of today's post. Aiko Danuja's stock purchase was modest--just 20 shares. Yet Aiko's timing was impeccable. Those 20 shares took us past the 1,602 billion isk mark and earned Aiko a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. If you can't be rich, you can at least be lucky.


I received a field report from Agent Grixer Noxtlus (who also purchased shares this week, by the way). Grixer is a member of Division 315, one of the countless Code enforcement corporations that operate independently of the mighty CODE. alliance.

After Grixer ganked Sonoh Keenay's Retriever, the miner began to cry in local, drawing the attention of bystanders in the Bashyam system. Sonoh didn't learn her lesson. Instead, she doubled-down, undocking an Orca and immediately returning to the asteroid belt where she'd been ganked.

Sonoh soon found herself in trouble again. Grixer looted some of Sonoh's wrecks, triggering a suspect flag; Sonoh retaliated by opening fire. As Grixer was now legally permitted to return fire, he re-shipped while Agent Kanid Fett kept the Orca bump-tackled.

To Sonoh's consternation, Agent Kanid was assisted by Maz Thara, a random onlooker who joined the bumping party. Some people know a good thing when they see it.

Grixer returned with a Hurricane Fleet Issue and destroyed Sonoh's Orca and 770 million isk pod.

It's unclear why an Orca pilot had been using a Retriever to begin with. Perhaps Sonoh didn't want to risk an Orca while an Agent of the New Order was in local. Regardless, I think we can all agree that mining without a permit is always a bad idea, no matter who is in the system. Our Agents are everywhere--and their numbers are growing.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

The Rising Star, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... The carebears of Isanamo had a new champion: Akmaund Askiras, who saw himself as Anti-Ganking's next big thing. Yet he proved unable to stop the Agents of the New Order from ganking. When this fact was demonstrated to him, it led to a bitter exchange in local.

Our Agents teased Akmaund for getting a Blackbird CONCORDed while trying to stop a gank a few days earlier. Akmaund accused them of being salty--while spilling salt all over Isanamo.

In a rare moment of introspection, Akmaund admitted that he had difficulty making friends in EVE.

If miners disliked Akmaund, maybe he had something going for him after all. Perhaps if he were given proper guidance, he might learn to aim his guns in the right direction and enforce the Code?

...But it was not to be. Akmaund was a committed Anti-Ganker.

As an anti-Code rebel, Akmaund saw fit to lead the miners. He lectured them--the ones who hadn't blocked him already, that is.

When ganked, old miners often claim to be newbies. Akmaund did the opposite: Despite claiming ten years in EVE, his character was only weeks old.

Isanamo's miners failed to acknowledge Akmaund or his advice in any way. The Anti-Ganker ranted and raved in local.

Spurned by those he was sworn to protect, Akmaund took his anger and redirected it toward the Agents of the New Order. Now Lewak was in his crosshairs.

Akmaund spotted Agent Ernst Steinitz in one of the asteroid belts. The Anti-Ganker's pulse raced. Would he finally get a chance to counter-gank a ganker?

It became clear why Akmaund assumed he would be crowned king of Anti-Ganking. He felt he was the only person who knew how to play EVE: Miners didn't know how to mine, gankers didn't know how to gank, and Anti-Gankers didn't know how to defeat the New Order. Akmaund, on the other hand, had it all figured out.

The first step in Akmaund's plan was to win a decisive engagement against the mighty CODE. alliance in Isanamo. Then he could proclaim his victory in the Anti-Ganking channel and take over. It was a perfect plan, he believed. But something was about to go wrong.

Just as he was bragging about his skills, the Anti-Ganker was ganked. Would he accept defeat gracefully? Or would he do the other thing?

To be continued...