Monday, January 23, 2017

Twilight of the Pods, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Vrix Nation corp lived a simple truth: The Code prohibits autopiloting pods in highsec. But the gankers of Vrix soon came into conflict with carebears who had other ideas. Other ideas, but no more implants.

Entitled carebears believe highsec should be a "safe space" for pod autopiloting. Then the real world comes to them in the form of a Thrasher and smacks them in face.

Gratitude is in short supply in highsec. But CODE. pilots don't feed off of the approval of bot-aspirants. They're energized by the Code.

It's not always easy to communicate with Code violators; they say a lot of confusing things. Our Agents generally give them the benefit of the doubt. For instance, Icecolder apparently understood that highsec was destined to have a Saviour, even if he didn't grasp the way that Saviour would manifest himself.

Other perplexing EVEmails can safely be ignored. Our Agents are busy, so they must prioritize.

After enough experience with the carebears, one begins to speak their language--or at least understand it. Kate Iowa warned that if autopiloting pods continue to be ganked, EVE will lose subscribers.

Back when CCP cared about EVE Online, they promoted the game by telling potential players that they'd get to take part in massive nullsec fleet battles. According to carebears, the thing that really brings in the players is autopiloting a pod in highsec. CCP's advertising department really missed the mark.

Assuming Jona Zirud is referring to in-game death, his hopes are more easily realized that he knows. CONCORD kills all our gankers.

Almost all carebears issue empty threats, but the least convincing threats come from people who lack a ship.

Rest assured, Alee Sarion was well taken care of by our complaints department.

As our Agents can tell you, there are certain words and phrases that carebears from all across highsec use over and over. If Miner Bingo ever needs another update, two guesses at what would earn a square.

The New Order complaints department serves another useful purpose: By absorbing carebears' complaints, it saves the GMs a little work. They're already swamped with frivolous petitions, after all.

Garrot Tsero's employment history proves that he didn't actually quit EVE. In fact, there's no evidence that ganking drives people away from the game. But even if it did, would we really lose anything, if the quitters only played EVE to autopilot in their pods?

Grier Eutychus was thankful for the gank he received. Was this the glimmer of hope our Agents were looking for?

To be continued...

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Kills of the Week

Highsec is a special place in the EVE galaxy. Its unique qualities--chief among them its Code--absolutely must be respected. I think most people understand this. As for those who don't, a terrible fate awaits them. But don't take my word for it--just look at these kills from the week of January 15th @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 21st @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Olga Miagkih was torn. She was too lazy to divide her cargo, but she knew it was unsafe to pack 18.6 billion into a single ship. So Olga triple-bulkheaded her freighter, seeking refuge in the multiple EHP buffs that CCP has given her kind over the years.

Agents Hayley, Nin Rin, Miner Compliance Officer, Mr Cellophane, Logical Fallacy, Ido Adudu, eC Cade, Skiff Poddington, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, Darnoth, Dewzer Eyre, Hulk Poddington, Logical Fatality, Prixm Wind, Mack Poddington, Pure Whyte, Lawrence Lawton, James Poddington, Another ShadeOfWhyte, big brutor three, Yvain Bluewater, big brutor four, Morrigan Laima, Yuliana Tang, Sorg-frae, Circo Maximo, Zoe Worclaw, Mon Mothmaa, and Dross Kusoni, empowered by the Code, were more than capable of overcoming her ship's hitpoints.

Truth be told, it was a perfectly miserable week for Code-violating freighter pilots and their "friends" in Anti-Ganking. Enraged by the carnage they saw, they tried to console themselves with the thought that at least the Kusion family was nowhere to be seen.

Drekonia was dumbstruck when a massive gank fleet fell out of warp all around his freighter. Actually, he was dumbstruck when he returned to his keyboard, which was likely well after his freighter died. But you get the idea.

Forty-four gankers, including the Kusion family, showed up for the fight: Agents Logical Fallacy, Yvain Bluewater, Jayson Kusion, Skiff Poddington, BoneyTooth Thompkins ISK-Chip, Hulk Poddington, eC Cade, Bob Painter, Norrec Lafisques, Mack Poddington, Jeremiah Kusion, Git Guud Nurd, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Eugenie Brazier, Nin Rin, Morrigan Laima, Jayden Kusion, big brutor two, Prixm Wind, Jake Kusion, Hayley, James Poddington, Turkey Baster, Dragalis Miraxim, big brutor one, Lich Terminus, Johnathan Kusion, Darnoth, Lawrence Lawton, Ricki Lake Show, Sorrento 655321, Liz Cadelanne, Logical Fatality, Inspector Implant, Miner Compliance Officer, Unwarranted Assumption, Pure Whyte, Joshua Kusion, Joel Kusion, big brutor four, Justin Kusion, big brutor three, and ZAKURELL0 LINDA.

Speaking of EHP buffs, Trice Llulin's Orca was nothing less than a celebration of its pilot's arrogance. It, too, fell prey to a massive gank fleet; Uedama and Niarja were both theaters of death and destruction this week.

Agents Logical Fatality, Nin Rin, dAbOsSlAdY77, Miner Compliance Officer, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, big brutor three, big brutor four, Hayley, Prixm Wind, Unwarranted Assumption, Logical Fallacy, Yvain Bluewater, BAE B BLUE, Darnoth, Joshua Kusion, BAE B PEW, Gea Stormbound, Mark Ormerant, Collateralized Contracts, Urban Worrier, Jet Set Milly, Perlo Tissant, Jake Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Turkey Baster, Johnathan Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Unfit ForDoody, Masrok VII, Dragalis Miraxim, Ruby Dubes, Wylde Ranger, Kill-Chan, and Liara Iwaira tore through the Orca and got 10 billion in dropped loot. As for the Orca pilot, he was left with nothing but a profound sense of regret.

Omaticaya, suitably frightened by the sight of so many freighter wrecks, decided to use a speedier, slicker courier ship. Then he activated its autopilot and went AFK. Agents Le caneloni sauvage and kellya were on hand to deliver a surgical strike.

Skills belong in an EVE character's head, not his cargohold.

There's more than one way to lose 3.8 billion isk in highsec, and Sax Man chose one of the worst. He was only interested in using fitting slots that allowed him to reduce his ship's hitpoints. Trimmed down to a svelte 1,737 hitpoints, the Iteron Mark V was now ready for its date with Agents Votre Dieu and Narl' Amhar.

Jon Drake was deceived by the carebear fantasy that you'll never lose your pod as long as you stay in highsec. Agent Pod-Goo RepoWoman showed him the truth: A pod's safety is entirely dependent upon one's obedience to the Code.

When it came to Code-compliance, Jon Drake fell short. In the end, his implants were good for nothing but producing a 2.6 billion isk killmail.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Twilight of the Pods, Part 1

It is said that an EVE player is more likely to stick with the game if he joins a player corporation. The challenge for a new EVE player is how to know whether or a particular corp is good or not.

The first rule: If it's in CODE., it has to be good.

It used to be a common--near universal--practice, but these days only a small fraction of players are willing to autopilot their pods through highsec. Vrix Nation is one of the main reasons why.

The Vrix crew has been busy. Their goal is to reduce the number of highsec pod autopiloters to a cool zero. Among the carebear population, this is a very controversial policy.

Each gank recipient is sent a message by EVEmail--just in case the message sent by Thrasher wasn't received.

Unfortunately, not all Code violators are willing to listen. You'd be surprised how many happen to be caught in a bad mood.

If you were to survey the thousands of pod losers, you'd find many of the different types of the Code's enemies amply represented.

In order to make progress, a carebear must be willing to blame himself for his loss. If he blames "newbie killers" (despite having played EVE for months or years), that's a bad sign. After all, if the source of your problem is gankers, your problems will never go away; the gankers will always continue to gank.

The Agents of the New Order are truly elite. As evidence of their elite status, only a small number of gank recipients demonstrate the potential to become Agents. Fabio Legolas Uitoh is not a member of that elite group.

The rebels and skeptics accuse our Agents of "blind obedience" to the Code. Yet the rebels themselves show blind disobedience to the Code. Their disobedience generally results in losing expensive ships and implants, while obedience results in fun and emergent content. Which is better?

The Code violator lives in denial. He doesn't recognize our authority, but judging by the number of killmails we earn, the EVE client seems to recognize it just fine.

We can see, then, that violating the Code is simply a manifestation of madness.

...A madness which cannot conceal the anguish and saltiness of the carebear.

The soldiers of Vrix Nation march onward. Will they find a potential Agent? Or at least sell a mining permit?

Even the rebels seem to understand that the New Order is a family. Maybe that's why they instinctively wish death upon our family members. Nevertheless, our Agents will not give up on highsec so easily. They must press forward.

To be continued...

Friday, January 20, 2017

It's in a Better Place Now

Waste is a big problem in highsec today. Luckily, our Agents are experts at efficient repurposing. We can transform AFK miners into content--and we can put their possessions to better use than they ever could.

Agent Aaaarrgg helped himself to an unpiloted Orca that he deemed to be property of the New Order. It was completely unfit, too.

The miner in question had been using the Orca as a jetcan. CCP intended to eliminate can-flipping long ago, but carebears will be carebears.

The miner compounded his error. It's a good thing our Agent was still there to help him correct it.

The industry of the New Order: We produce joy from the unlikeliest of raw materials.

Over One Trillion One Hundred Seven Billion in Shares Sold

A million acts of kindness--that's the power of the Code.

Speaking of big numbers, Salia Jakuard amped up her holdings with a purchase of 500 additional shares of New Order stock. This sent us over the 1 trillion 106 billion isk mark and earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

I concur. We've come a long way, but we still have a loooong way to go. Onward!

Black Pedro helped us advance the cause of highsec with his purchase of 1,055 additional shares of New Order stock. This brought us over the 1 trillion 107 billion isk mark and earned him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Onward, onward!

Thursday, January 19, 2017

zhammin Meets zKillboard, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Super Perforator had quite a project on her hands: Despite losing a Hulk, zhammin refused to buy a mining permit and had a terrible attitude about everything. But zhammin's obnoxious behavior disguised his very real interest in buying a permit. And the more our Agent explained the process, the more zhammin was attracted to the idea.
zhammin > did you see how much shit it say on the damn webside
Super Perforator > please, miner, do not refer to the Saviors words as "shit"
zhammin > i cant read all that alot of what it say i dont no even what it means lol :D im from danmark and never have go in school i cant read so good so its not fair the so much hahahahah :D
At the last minute, zhammin suddenly became resistant. He couldn't imagine himself reading the Code.
Super Perforator > buy a permit....
Super Perforator > fit your ship properly
Super Perforator > do not act like a bot
zhammin > look i will pay but if i get ganked i will not only get pist off i will get really mad f i cant mine with get ganked or some one comeing in and telling me i need to pay to him to or some shit like that but i will pay for the hole crop i got
Our Agent helpfully summarized some of the finer points of the Code. zhammin got back on track.
Super Perforator > 10 million ISK is not a lot
Super Perforator > our alliance and the New Order will respect a valid permit... ships have been replaced... even freighters.
zhammin > and my ships are fitted the hulk you just blow up ws just one of many hulks i got lol ^^ but i dont got any here tho but in jita damn but i will pay for all menbers we got and yeah 10 mil each but what do you need names or what or you just put our crop
zhammin > i will pay for the hole crop
In fact, the miner was now willing to buy mining permits for his entire crop. Corp, I mean.
Super Perforator > please evemail me the names of all characters, then I can copy their names into the list
Super Perforator > the problem with corp is that some people join and leave.... and that gets confusing.
zhammin > yeah i see but we only a 2 men crop
zhammin > only me and a old german
Super Perforator > there are 15 members in your corp
zhammin > but give me 5 mins and i send you name and who do i send the isk to
The miner was still hazy about some things, but Super Perforator was confident that she'd be selling at least one mining permit that day.
Super Perforator > send the ISK to me
zhammin > okay
Super Perforator > got the mail!
zhammin > so i send you 120 mil
zhammin > there you go
Super Perforator > CONFIRMED!
In the end, zhammin chose to purchase 12 mining permits, enough to cover all of the active members of his corporation. Super Perforator counted the money. It was all there.
zhammin > okay cool so now i can mine again with get blow up :D
Super Perforator > well... I will send you mail soon with details.
zhammin > heheh okay :D and thx for you are so chill after i have been a littel bitch you cool tho
Super Perforator > maybe also take time to read some of the website.
zhammin > yeah io have it open still i will look at it befor i go sleep but now i will love to mine :D
The isk came with an apology from zhammin, who was much calmer than he'd been in the immediate aftermath of his Hulk loss. Perhaps there's something to the idea of using medical marijuana to treat bot-aspirancy?
zhammin > thx alot and 1 thin k do i need put some in my bio we need do that long for many years ago and i know to the code like you see im not a new player ^^
Super Perforator > I will send you the details of the current format for the bio
zhammin > okay cool thx alot so i just send that to the other chars to right and some of the accs is the old mans so i need tell him it or do you send an mailto all chars or what is it
Super Perforator > I will do
zhammin > ohh okay cool thx alot
In any case, the experience with zhammin demonstrated why our Agents don't give up when a miner initially refuses to buy a permit. Our wallets are filled with the isk of those who would "never" pay.

Things were looking up for zhammin--indeed, for his entire "crop". Super Perforator's quick thinking and persistence had saved the miner from a life of drudgery.
Super Perforator > pleasure doing business with you1
Super Perforator > praise James! o7
zhammin > okay cool thx alot you the best
Super Perforator > james is the best, i merely try
Agent and miner walked into the sunset, and they all lived happily ever after.

Ah, but life and highsec are messier and more complicated than the fairy tales of our youth led us to believe. Only a few days later, a pair of gankers from CODE. caught zhammin AFK mining with a fail-fit Hulk.

The supposedly Code-compliant miner was further incriminated when our Agents examined the contents of his pod.

Now was the moment of truth for zhammin. Would he redeem himself for his crimes, or would he act like a Goofus and try to shift the blame?

Old habits are hard to break, it would seem. But in the end, the New Order of Highsec will break them all.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

zhammin Meets zKillboard, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... zhammin was an unlikely candidate for a New Order mining permit. His interactions with Agent Super Perforator seemed to scream "Goofus". But just when our Agent was ready to cast the miner out into the darkness of lowsec, zhammin suddenly showed interest in buying a permit.

Super Perforator delayed in responding to zhammin's request for information. It wasn't some kind of negotiating tactic or sales technique; she was simply engaged elsewhere. She returned from ganking to find zhammin's new EVEmails--a pleasant surprise.

Reading anything written by zhammin was a bit of a slog. Our Agent was really going to have to earn this 10 million.

Anyone with at least an ounce of common sense can see that a New Order permit is a very good deal. Our Agents don't have to "sell" it so much as describe it.

We frequently tell miners to calm down. We don't instruct them on how to calm down; we assume they all have their own methods.

The more he thought about the concept of a mining permit, the more it made sense to zhammin--and that was even before he began using mind-expanding substances. It was time for a private convo.
Super Perforator > o7
zhammin > sorry the mail just go to slow can you wait like 10 min and then im will be relax
Super Perforator > back fro your smoke?
zhammin > i just need go smoke a jay really fast
The miner still wasn't sufficiently relaxed. Super Perforator was prepared to wait. Calmness comes so infrequently in a miner that one can scarcely complain when it comes late.
zhammin > so im back
zhammin > okay
zhammin > okay so now just andswer simpel not all that about alluy and all that just say yes or no okay
zhammin > if i pay
zhammin > and other gankers gank us will you do any thing about it
zhammin > its was the frist questing
When zhammin returned to his keyboard, it was obvious that he was having trouble typing. Because Super Perforator had a reference point, however, she knew that it couldn't be blamed on the miner's intoxication. zhammin's issues were baked into the cake, so to speak.
Super Perforator > If you are ganked by our members or affiliates... (more than 500) whilst bearing a permit and complying with the code, you are eligible for reimbursement.
Super Perforator > (you can get your money back)
zhammin > okay thats cool tho
zhammin > so what if it not from ally or you crop
Super Perforator > if you follow the rules you should be pretty safe
So far, things were going smoothly. There was one area of concern, though: What if someone who wasn't affiliated with the New Order ganked a permit-carrying miner?
zhammin > we will mine here for good if it is
Super Perforator > otela?
Super Perforator > keep an eye on zkillboard for otela
zhammin > nonono i mean if a player is not in you crop or any of you allys crop and i get ganked what will happen for him and for me
Super Perforator > pretty much every ganker is on good terms with us
Super Perforator was able to dispense with zhammin's concern. Non-Order miner gankers aren't really a thing.
zhammin > yeah
zhammin > in here we will sty for good
Super Perforator > but it is up to you to have permits and to follow the code
zhammin > what you mean wityh fololow the rules if i pay i will have to mine no matter what and where i like to or the no meing to pay
Super Perforator >
Our Agent again extended zhammin an invitation to read the Code. Now that the miner was in a more relaxed state, would he be better able to attain enlightenment?
zhammin > okay gfive me a min okay
zhammin > ill okk befor i ask you more
Super Perforator > as long as you have a permit and are in line with the code, you are safe.
zhammin > and what in line means :D
Super Perforator > don't try flying a freighter through uedama with triple cargo expanders......
Super Perforator > for example
zhammin > ehmm why not ?
Still not enlightened yet, it would seem.
Super Perforator > We do not just gank miners
Super Perforator > The New Halaima Code of Conduct started out because of miners, but covers all of high sec....
Super Perforator > check out the alliance killboard on
Super Perforator > and there are at least as many agents of the New Order that do not belong to the CODE. alliance.
zhammin > did you see how much shit it say on the damn webside
Just when zhammin appeared to be ready to buy a permit, he made a major faux pas, one that reflected an incomplete appreciation of MinerBumping and the Code. The mining permit sale was now in jeopardy.

To be continued...