Thursday, May 5, 2016

The Relay Race

Although our Agents are perhaps best known for winning massive, cataclysmic victories, the day-to-day business of saving highsec can be compared to a relay race: A series of small victories won in succession by Agents who enable other Agents to build upon their progress.

Consider Agent Nicolas Dupre's encounter with James Grenia, which was recorded in Highsec Miner Grab Bag #99. Nicolas had just ganked Grenia's 570 million isk Retriever. Instead of a "gf", Nicolas was treated to accusations of child rape.

Months later, Grenia unexpectedly met up with yet another of our Agents, Zeke N Destroy. The occasion for their meeting was some superb PvP where Zeke's Catalyst decisively defeated Grenia's 110 million isk Covetor.
Zeke N Destroy > o7
James Grenia > fuck you faggot
Zeke N Destroy > Miner, calm down
James Grenia > fuck you
James Grenia > you still fuck little boys
Zeke N Destroy > I feel you're not calm
At first, it seemed as though Grenia hadn't learned much from his earlier encounter with the New Order; he was still talking about child molestation. But at least he wasn't flying half-billion isk Retrievers anymore.
Zeke N Destroy > You were steal James 315's ore in an illegal mining ship without a permit. You had to be removed before you did more damage.
James Grenia > dream on fag
Zeke N Destroy > Have you even read the CODE?
Zeke N Destroy >
James Grenia > fuck you and your code
James Grenia > fake code fuck head
Grenia didn't pretend to be ignorant of the Code. He knew about it--he just didn't believe in it.
Zeke N Destroy > And you didn't offer me a GF after entering into consentual and honorable combat. Kinda rude.
James Grenia > honorable i have no guns child molester
Zeke N Destroy > You had faction drones. You obviously were expecting to be shot at some time.
James Grenia > stick it up your ass where your faggot father does
James Grenia > is that the same mouth you suck your dads cock with
There's an interesting contrast to be drawn here between Agents and bot-aspirants. Our Agents are expertly trained, and over time they only get better and better at winning debates with the carebears they gank. Miners like Grenia, on the other hand, make the same losing arguments to multiple Agents.
Zeke N Destroy > Let the love of James 315 flow thru your cold soul, miner.
James Grenia > and a bible thumper
Zeke N Destroy > And I'm still waiting for the 10 million ISK you owe me for a mining permit
James Grenia > fuck you and your fake god
Grenia had no faith whatsoever in the ability of the Code to keep his ship safe. He should've given it a try--whatever he was doing clearly wasn't working.
Zeke N Destroy > Don't be a goofus. You can make a difference and make Hi-Sec a better place for all of us.
James Grenia > send me your home address and we can talk
James Grenia > bitch
Zeke N Destroy > Agal I - Kaalakiota Corporation Factory
James Grenia > no your real address
James Grenia > start with ip
Often, highsec miners will say they simply want to be left alone. Not Grenia. He was very interested in meeting our Agent.
Zeke N Destroy > Why would you want that?
James Grenia > to come give you what you want
Zeke N Destroy > Real life threats is a bannable offense and I know you don't want to do that.
James Grenia > no threat
Zeke helped pull Grenia from the edge of the cliff. The Code states, "They ask what I am 'saving' them from. I save the miners from themselves." There's really an answer for everything in there.
Zeke N Destroy > Still waiting on my 10 million ISK. If you could comply with the CODE we can get past this ugliness.
James Grenia > fuck off
James Grenia > you get nothing
James Grenia > i just lost everything so dream on little boy
Finally, Grenia confessed that his 110 million isk Covetor contained all that he owned. Since barges can be used to make money (albeit very slowly), he must've been ganked immediately after purchasing it. Or, more likely, he was lying like a typical bot-aspirant.
Zeke N Destroy > You got insurance from the ship. Send me 10 mil off that.
James Grenia > you dont know honor
Zeke N Destroy > Code.=honor
James Grenia > nope
James Grenia > you just showed how stupid you are
Despite Grenia's conduct, he, like most highsec miners, claimed the moral high ground.
Zeke N Destroy > we're getting off track here. You stole James 315's ore and you were punished. Can you see the folly of your ways and pledge to right your wrongs?
James Grenia > wrong
James Grenia > and stupid
Zeke N Destroy > Yes. You were acing in a wrong a stupid manner. Good. Admitting your mistakes is the first step.
Agent Zeke gave Grenia the benefit of the doubt by assuming the miner had called his own actions wrong and stupid.
Zeke N Destroy > Flying a CODE. compliant ship with a permit is the next step. You're on the path to redemption.
Zeke N Destroy > Sadly, my wallet is still missing your 10 million pledge.
James Grenia > good
James Grenia > i will put it as bounty though
Zeke N Destroy > I think we've made good progress here tonight. You'll contact me when you're ready to get that permit?
Zeke N Destroy > Don't wait too long tho. CODE. is on patrol 23/7.
Even a small amount of progress is progress. Zeke managed to engage the miner in a conversation which, for literally minutes at a time, had nothing to do with child molestation. Thanks to Zeke's hard work, the next Agent to gank Grenia will have an easier time selling him a permit. The baton is passed again.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Forum Freakout, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Fin Udan failed in his efforts to have EVE-O moderators remove the New Order's storied thread from the Market Discussions subforum. Enraged, Fin went on a rampage. He alleged that "James 315 is now largely running CCP" and accused the ISD of being on the New Order payroll. When an ISD member began removing his spam, Fin dropped an F-bomb on him and demanded to know how much I was paying him. Then Fin was apparently silenced, as the ISD quoted a rule which mandates a permanent forum ban for anyone who abuses a member of the ISD.

The next day, Fin stunned the Market Discussions subforum by reappearing in the New Order market thread. He hadn't been permabanned. To the contrary, he hadn't even been given a 24-hour ban. But the surprises didn't end there.

Fin claimed to have undergone another transformation, this time for the better. He requested a single share of New Order stock in exchange for his one million isk payment. Could it be...?

Incredibly, Fin was true to his word. The million isk was right there in my wallet, in good funds. The MinerBumping IPO's greatest enemy was now its newest shareholder.

But Fin Udan's redemption wouldn't come so easily. He had burned too many bridges. His fellow Market Discussions posters couldn't forget the way he'd treated the ISD.

In a rare move, ISD Dorrim Barstorlode cleared his throat and noted that his inbox did not contain an apology letter from Fin.

Nevertheless, the Market Discussions community was encouraged by Fin's support of the New Order. With the New Order thread cleaned up, I made my weekly update to report additional shareholders and milestones reached.

Without warning, Fin dropped the hammer. Fin's story, it seemed, had not yet exhausted its supply of plot twists.

A few days later, Fin renewed his crusade against the New Order. How had this happened?

After sending in his one million isk payment, Fin opened a new thread in the Market Discussions subforum. He announced his plan to buy and sell New Order stock in a secondary market. Fin didn't disguise his intentions: He wanted to monetize our community!

The backlash was swift. Communities don't like being monetized.

As usual, Fin managed to alienate everyone, even the anti-Code faction.

Of the more than 1,200 owners of New Order stock, precisely zero wanted to sell their shares to Fin. Next, Fin's greed drove him to raise his offer to 750,000 isk per share. Still no takers. Everyone knows New Order shares are worth exactly one million isk and always have been.

For reasons known only to the ISD, Fin Udan had been given a second chance at life in the Market Discussions subforum. He'd wasted it. To satisfy his endless desire for money, Fin took something beautiful and tried to twist it into a vehicle for profit. Having been chastised by his fellow forum posters, maybe he'd learned something from the experience. One could only hope. Because if he hadn't, the ISD would soon come to regret giving Fin his second life.

To be continued...

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Forum Freakout, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Self-styled market guru Fin Udan shattered the tranquility of the Market Discussions subforum by demanding CCP remove its most legendary thread: the Halaima MinerBumping IPO thread, which has recorded New Order economic victories since 2012. When his request was denied and his off-topic posts were removed by ISD, Fin created two new attack threads, both of which were locked.

Fin's strategy evolved. He opened yet another thread in Market Discussions. Fin confessed that his past transgressions were driven by emotion rather than reason, but now claimed he would come up with logic-based justifications for the exact same attacks.

Once again, Fin failed to persuade his fellow Market Discussions posters. He complained about MinerBumping's use of chat logs. (Of course, if MinerBumping didn't use chat logs, people like Fin would be the first to demand chat logs be produced as evidence of the things I write.) In any event, Fin promised that if CCP allowed MinerBumping to exist, this would be his final post on the matter.

Minutes later, Fin broke his promise. When CCP locked his third thread, Fin opened a fourth, with the misleading title "Praise James." Fin excerpted Part 3 of the "Call in the Kevlary" series. Although Fin had complained endlessly about the fact that MinerBumping, a site that quotes chat logs, is linked in the Halaima IPO thread, Fin directly quoted chat logs in his own posts.

Something was happening to Fin Udan. Gone were his paragraphs and punctuated sentences. He was approaching the brink. A transformation was about to occur. When Fin's fourth thread was locked, he returned to the New Order thread--with a vengeance.

Fin Udan was a changed man. No longer bound by the rules of polite society, Fin revealed his true nature. He leveled a frightful series of accusations.

The new Fin took no prisoners. As ISD Fractal began removing his posts (along with other posters' stunned reactions), Fin dropped an F-bomb. By cursing at an ISD member, Fin had committed an offense that could easily earn him a permanent ban from the EVE forums.

Quoting himself for posterity, Fin demanded to know how much ISD Fractal was being paid by the Saviour of Highsec. Outrageous!

ISD Max Trix intervened. Pay careful attention to the rules quoted by Max. Note the phrase "zero tolerance policy" and the statement that "Players who attack or abuse... ISD volunteers will be permanently banned from the EVE Online forums" (emphasis mine). Fin's fate was sealed.

Fin remained defiant. He dared the ISD to ban him, as the rules required.

The minutes ticked by, but Fin was still able to post. With time on his hands, Fin cited very unconvincing evidence that I'm a bully.

Yet again he demanded to know the going rate for an ISD bribe. He was absolutely convinced that the ISD was biased against him, yet his continued ability to post suggested otherwise.

I've been known to say a few words, thank you very much.

ISD Max Trix updated his post to announce that he was still removing spam. Each time Fin Udan posted a new reply, it was deleted. Then, finally, Fin went silent.

Fin's efforts to shut down the New Order failed. EAT ATTiC corporation showed its support by purchasing 1.315 billion isk worth of shares. As always, the New Order emerged victorious, and its enemy Fin Udan was vanquished. Fin's egregious misconduct guaranteed that the anti-Code poster was permanently banned from the forums.

Or was he?

To be continued...

Monday, May 2, 2016

Forum Freakout, Part 1

The New Order's achievements in the field of elite PvP are well known. Equally impressive are its achievements in the economic field: Over 1,200 individuals and entities have purchased over 1 trillion isk worth of shares in the New Order. Ours is the first truly democratic economy in EVE, built not by conquest or bot-aspirant PvE, but through volunteerism and civic pride.

Since 2012, our progress has been charted on a special thread in the Market Discussions subforum on the official EVE forums. The thread is a marvel, weighing in at more than 860 replies and 126,000 views!

Side note: That view count is especially impressive today, as the forums have become a mere shadow of what they once were. The ISD's over-moderation drove the posters away, forcing CCP to accept the EVE subreddit as a replacement. A subreddit, ironically enough, that CCP has no ability to moderate. The more ISD tightened their grip, the more posters slipped through their fingers. Truly a lesson for us all. End side note.

Over the years, our thread has been accepted as the crown jewel of the Market Discussions subforum. There are frequent updates, and the occasional investor question is answered.

But one day, this blissful posting experience was interrupted by someone making off-topic comments. ISD Buldath purged the offending posts. But the mystery saboteur was already at work elsewhere in the subforum.

The man was named Fin Udan, and he had a bone to pick with the New Order. Having been repulsed from the New Order's stronghold, Fin opened up new threads from which to launch his attacks.

In the OP of Why is James315 in this forum?, Fin set forth the basis of his critique. Or not.

Eventually, Fin got around to repeating the complaints he'd originally made in the New Order thread. Basically, he felt the New Order's IPO was a front for criminal activity, and therefore not appropriate for the Market Discussions subforum.

Fin explained that the New Order's activities are completely against the EULA. Even the content of MinerBumping itself is against the EULA! It's completely banned by CCP. Therefore, it belongs in the Crime & Punishment subforum...?

No one agreed with Fin. His own market history came under scrutiny. Fin fired back some insults until the thread was locked.

...Whereupon his second thread was opened.

Fin appealed to an odd combination of freedom of speech and censorship. His words fell upon deaf ears.

Disillusionment set in. Fin was disgusted by CCP's refusal to eliminate the New Order and/or move its content to Crime & Punishment.

Agent Ima Wreckyou rode in to the rescue. Since Fin Udan's censorship campaign had failed, why didn't he try investing in the New Order? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Fin responded by opening new threads. Auspiciously titled "Praise James" and "", perhaps they reflected a change of heart. Maybe Fin was coming around. On the other hand, there was another, darker possibility: The beginnings of a full-blown forum freakout.

To be continued...

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Kills of the Week

Contrary to some unsubstantiated gossip going around, the Code is alive and well. The same can't be said for those who took the rumors at face value and began acting out in bot-aspirant fashion. They died. I'm afraid the rumors could very well have been to blame for some of the excesses we witnessed during the week of April 24th @ 00:00 EVEtime through April 30th @ 23:59 EVEtime. Observe:

Watslol Thellere wasn't interested in tech II mining lasers or rigs of any kind, but he took to heart the old highsec miner saying, "Carpo diem." Those three loony laser upgrades resulted in a mining barge worth nearly 800 million isk. Agent Roger Friendly took it down.

...Which set off all the Russian miners in the neighborhood.

Speaking of Russians, a heroic band of Russian Agents took down aitari Davaham, who somehow managed to undock in a 9 billion isk Bestower. Agents Zero0 Hunt3r, Selena Tsero, KaMiKaDzExD, Vladislav Igorevic, Bober Demigod, Jesus Avada, KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb, Bastian Mart, Gavrila Master, Sablya Fedorovich, Link Torres, and HABEPHO did their country--and highsec--proud. Agent KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb reported,
I do not know much English and I do not know how to write
good kiil
Message received, loud and clear. Most of our Agents prefer to let their killmails do the talking, anyway. As for that 9 billion isk cargo...

Apparently this is some Citadel nonsense. Yeah, you're gonna need a permit to go moving one of those things around.

Hauler pilot Singapore McGraw tried to be a bit creative. He used a cargo-expanded Ferox to move his contraband. And yes, those are fireworks in the launchers. Agents Carebears' Nightmare, Rick Therapist, Marina Gankalot, and Brutal Anna weren't rused; they killed Singapore like they would any other hauler. Singapore's scheme failed because our Agents aim to stop all Code violators, no matter what ships they may fly.

Numerous freighters met their doom this week. Lee Sage's 14 billion isk anti-tanked Providence had the benefit of the recent EHP buff, but he was still taken down by a gang of just six gankers: Agents Literally Megan Fox, Ryvarant, Necron Omika, Lissa Stonewall, Hit-me-with-a-brick In-the-face, and Josh Tsutola, all in Taloses.

Meanwhile, Feaven Hyks swapped out one anti-tank module in favor of bulkheads--evidencing her consciousness of guilt. She was greeted by a bunch of multiboxed stealth bombers. Agents Georgia Agape, Konstantina Demi, Melina Timothea, Kyveli Aglaia, Natasa Melpomeni, Justin Kusion, Efrosyni Dora, Evdokia Sofia, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Nomiki Marianna, Kiki Sotiria, and Stavroula Theodora launched their torpedoes. They all hit their target.

Dimaloun Makbema had the dubious distinction of being the 522nd (not a typo) pod killed in April by the capsule-crushing specialists of Vrix Nation corp. Agent ST0NER SMURF was delighted by the 4 billion isk killmail.

Judging by the implants, Dimaloun fancied himself a PvP'er of some sort. Maybe he would do okay in nullsec, but combat in highsec is on a completely different level. ST0NER's elite PvP came fast and furious--Dimaloun didn't even know what hit him. Until he returned to his keyboard.

Impressively, there was an even more expensive pod killed this week. SupplyChain Charlie autopiloted in a shuttle, if you can believe it. Agent Haleuth popped him with no difficulty. The Agent's corp, The Conference Elite, may have been temporarily absent from CODE. at the time, but the Code was never absent from their hearts.

...Yet Haleuth's heart couldn't help but break a little when he saw this sign of the ravages of bot-aspirancy. Implant for implant, SupplyChain's pod was one of the worst we've encountered. And to think, that 5.2 billion isk could've been spent buying shares in the New Order. What a waste.