Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Local Riffraff

Local chat is like a box of chocolates--you never know what you're gonna get.

...Though miner tears are very likely.

A lot of highsec dwellers don't engage with out-of-game resources or EVE websites. They get their information from random snippits of local chat. And that means "learning" about the game from people like Dracvlad.

A clueless newbie might be forgiven for assuming that the Dracvlads of the world are a valid information source. Or at worst, that they're harmless.

...But those who read MinerBumping know better. Dracvlad, for example, is a notorious Anti-Ganker. This is the bio he had back in 2016.

When you rely on people like Dracvlad to teach you about game mechanics, well, good luck. You'll need it.

Luckily, even random players tend to be skeptical of the Anti-Gankers. Something about those anti-Code people is just... not right. People can sense there's something off about them.

Nevertheless, EVE players can be led astray by the rebels. We, on the other hand, are all about truth.

Anti-Gankers are unable to stop the mighty CODE. alliance from ganking, so they resort to shedding tears in local.

Like Dracvlad, Grand Design is one of their "leaders".

You may remember him as the guy who entertains his fellow rebels with fantastic tales about fighting the New Order.

When faced with an Agent of the New Order in local, Grand Design can still be entertaining--though unintentionally so.

Local chat provides our Agents with something to do between combat operations, while waiting out the 15-minute aggression timer. But the anti-Code rebels of highsec are basically incapable of engaging in combat, so local chat is pretty much all they have. Despite all of their years of practice, they're still bad at it. And they wonder why people call them Goofuses!

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

The Bot's Greatest Enemy

EVE's playerbase has long been dissatisfied with CCP's anti-botting efforts. Specifically, players are concerned that CCP doesn't do anything. Some have even gone so far as to suggest that CCP welcomes the bots, since they boost subscription and logged-in player numbers, and because they inflate PLEX prices. CCP may tolerate bots, but we do not.

Kill the bot-aspirants, and you'll find the botters. It began with Agent Super Perforator's gank of a fail-fit Retriever piloted by Kocokacia Podiene.

Incredibly, Kocokacia had the gall to display a mining permit in his bio.

Things escalated when Kocokacia's mining partner, Mining Amatin, was ganked next to him. Mining Amatin was a repeat offender. And he had a permit, too.
Super Perforator > Kill: Kocokacia Podiene (Retriever) Kill: Mining Amatin (Retriever) two retrievers sitting on top of one another.
Ralliana > mmm..both with sweet permits
Super Perforator > sweet and invalid. :(
lady aspin > invalid ?
Super Perforator > yes
Super Perforator > check the fittings.
The chat above didn't come from local; it was from the MinerBumping channel. Yes, today we're going to take you inside New Order HQ.

After the Kocokacia incident, our heroes investigated the alleged permit-owning miners. They strongly suspected Kocokacia and his friends of operating a botting ring in the Otela system. By July 10th, they were ready to make a second strike.
Slutzilla > Kill: Kocokacia Podiene (Retriever) repeat offender with fake permit (got revoked a couple of days ago)
Slutzilla > just noticed I was flying a t1 cat.... got lucky.
Slutzilla > Kill: Vinger Nardieu (Retriever) and the bot fleet in otela keeps warping their pods out to the belts......
The next miner to be targeted, Vinger Nardieu, provided additional evidence of botting. As with so many other botting operations, the pods didn't quite know what to do once they were removed from their Retriever husks.
Haul Melkan > How many they got out there?
Slutzilla > they note the names of gankers....
Slutzilla > we'll send the list to you later! :)
Slutzilla > then you can get them after we are finished / blown! :)
D34dly D34dly > I'm already banned :( They dock up as soon as I enter the system
In addition, these particular bots ran a program where the user could add the names of known gankers and dock up immediately upon detecting them in local. Luckily, the New Order has an abundance of gankers at its command. Some, like Agent Slutzilla, had not yet been added to the list.
Slutzilla > i did one with a T1 cat.... only just.
Slutzilla > last shot
Jarmin Penken > I'm suprised you managed that
Slutzilla > it was an accident... i misnamed it when fitting.... it was supposed to be a t2 scram fit.
Axel Slotermeyer > Kill: Mining Amatin (Retriever) I didn't get the pod despite a t2. They are programmed to warp out immediately I think
Even when mistakes occur, the power of the Code gives our Agents an insuperable advantage.
Benzodiazepine > What's with the permit
Slutzilla > the permits were revoked
Slutzilla > they just display them still.
Slutzilla > watch the pods come in... they wait like 25secs and warp out again
Given the undeniable supremacy of the Code, I suppose we shouldn't be surprised to see botters buying permits--or at least making counterfeit ones. The Otela ring's permits only ensured their destruction, however.
Jarmin Penken > How longs it take the ret to come back?
Slutzilla > Jarmin Penken it seems like a while... different
Slutzilla > we havent really timed the pods yet.
Jarmin Penken > Some pod as turned up
Jarmin Penken > Mining Amatin
The Retrievers had fallen. Now our Agents were eager to snatch all the pods that were zipping back and forth across the system.

Success! Kocokacia's pod had gone haywire after it left the Retriever. For over an hour, it warped around Otela according to its programmed routines. Finally, it was laid to rest.

Two other bots had their pods ambushed in the same way, long after their mining ships were destroyed.
Slutzilla > Kill: Kocokacia Podiene (Capsule) bot pod down.... nice!
Axel Slotermeyer > Kill: Mining Amatin (Capsule) next bot pod with invalid permit
Slutzilla > Kill: Vinger Yuri (Capsule) Another bot pod..... looks familiar.
Slutzilla > looks like we cleand that bot fleet out of local....
Haul Melkan > They'll be back
Slutzilla > well yes, but they will probably dock up when we enter system.
Eventually, the bots were cleared out of Otela. They were expected to return, but something interesting happened.

Notice something missing? Kocokacia deleted his bio. He actually complied with our Agent's demand that he remove his revoked permit.

In fact, all of the bots identified in the Otela ring erased their mining permits. And, it seems, they chose to relocate.

It's a fine thing to gank a bot. Even finer: Driving the bots out of highsec entirely. This report is further proof that that although everyone complains about bots, only one organization in EVE is willing to take action against them. There's no doubt about it--we're the good guys.

Monday, July 16, 2018

The Code Compels You, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Anansi Veles sulked and complained after losing two Mackinaws in the same asteroid belt. But after the third Mackinaw loss, she revealed her true form: Mercuri Thoth, a mad freighter pilot with an obsessive fear of Agents "compelling their will" on other players.

Anansi no longer needed to pretend she was interested in anything else. From now on, she would focus all of her attention on one subject, which she found all-consuming.

Like other miners, Anansi was convinced that destroying her ship was an unspeakable offense. She hadn't merely been defeated in a spaceship combat game; she'd been attacked by real-life scoundrels.

Agent Lewak told Anansi precisely what she didn't want to hear: Everything came back to the Code. The miner fumed.

Anansi's trio of dead Mackinaws were just the beginning, she thought. There was no telling what sort of atrocities were being committed by the New Order's Agents while they weren't playing EVE.

On some level, Anansi understood the strength and invincibility that the Code granted our Agents. To hurt those who had destroyed her mining vessels, Anansi would need to find a way around that shield.

What Anansi didn't expect was that our Agents had a few questions of their own. They'd watched as the miner sat in the exact same asteroid belt for an hour while her ships were ganked, one after another. If anyone needed to defend their style of play, it was Anansi.

The miner, for all of her accusations, couldn't help but condemn herself with her own words.

Anansi was now fully on the defensive.

In the end, every carebear in highsec must accept that they have chosen to play in New Order territory. They must live according to the Code. EVE is our game.

Desperate, Anansi went full space lawyer. But she couldn't hope to come up with a legal argument for why the Code cannot be enforced in highsec.

Anansi's disgust grew as she slowly came to the realization that our Agents had bested her in verbal PvP as well as spaceship PvP. She would get no satisfaction out of this conversation.

The miner logged off in a huff, refusing all further communication. There was no denying it: The Code has been, and always will be, the most compelling document in EVE history.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Kills of the Week

After experiencing a seemingly endless slaughter at the hands of our Agents, the carebears assumed that we had exhausted our resources. They crept out of their holes to indulge in bot-aspirancy this week--and were taken completely by surprise. Countless more carebears were destroyed. Meanwhile, Anti-Ganking was still missing in action. From the week of July 8th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 14th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

How bad do you need to be at EVE to lose a jump freighter in a 1.0 security system? Ask Not Another Alt12, who was defeated by the New Order in New Caldari. When the carebear attempted to travel through our territory without a permit, an extraordinary gank armada was on hand to greet him: Agents Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Hill, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector HongMei, Australian Excellence, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jason Kusion, Justin Kusion, Taxman Daniel, Jayden Kusion, Joel Kusion, Tax Collector Stroheim, erobb, Shy Elf Trap, patyooki, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Joshua Kusion, Tax Collector Max, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Tax Collector Richard, tumblr ptsd, PogChampion, James BIG BONED, Tax Collector Aruka, Daniel Chanline, Serious Web Developer, brainlet, HSM Chief PettyOfficer, HSM Fleet Admiral, and HSM MasterChief PettyOfficer.

Tesla Express managed to lose an even more expensive jump freighter in the Perimeter system--also 1.0 security. Is there anywhere in highsec our Agents don't have total command? No. Tesla was zapped by a somewhat smaller gank fleet than the previous one--but it was full of Taloses: Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Kittens, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Larry, Jayden Kusion, Jake Kusion, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Alison, Justin Kusion, Tax Collector BokChoy, Joel Kusion, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Stroheim, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Yuna, HSM Chief PettyOfficer, HSM Fleet Admiral, and HSM MasterChief.

Not every carebear chooses to throw away billions of isk on a hauling ship. Some prefer to lose billions on combat ships, such as Mu'iz Eryxx's 4.1 billion isk Nightmare. Actually, the blingmonger's true nightmare was a flock of Kusions, and he met them in Uedama late last week. Agents Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jake Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, and Josiah Kusion made good use of stealth bombers and Catalysts to bring the nightmare to life--and the Nightmare to death.

Parovozick was eager to tank his hauler as much as possible. But what's the point of tanking, if you're not willing to play the game? Parovozick went AFK and set his ship to autopilot, only to be blapped by the Tornado fleet of Agents Mongochicken, Gandor Ironfist, Throatslashar, iZaEaRl, Spazmongloid, and Elvir. Also, no tank is complete without a permit.

Gron Sonne must've overheard someone talking about how tanky Skiffs are. If so, he overheard the conversation in a crowded place with a lot of distractions. That would explain why Gron simply purchased a Skiff hull and never bothered to fit it. I'm sorry, but a Small Shield Booster I doesn't qualify as a tank. Agents Max August Zorn and Ernst Steinitz went to battle in a pair of Hecates late last week and "tested" the Skiff's tank. It didn't pass.

Letun Hyperborean was reeling from the loss of his 3.7 billion isk freighter when Agent holdmybeer added another 3.3 billion isk to Letun's lossboard. To be honest, Letun was probably still AFK long after he lost both the freighter and the pod. So he wasn't truly "reeling" from the freighter loss; he experienced a 7 billion isk loss all at once. I'm not sure if that's any better.

Are Crystals making a comeback? Carebears, avoid the temptation to spend your money on implants like these. It's much smarter to spend your isk on mining permits instead.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

The Code Compels You, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Anansi Veles and her alt lost Mackinaws in the same hour, in the same asteroid belt. Anansi attempted to position herself as the ultimate "Former Fan", claiming that she used to respect the New Order and its Code. There was no record of Anansi owning a permit. But there was more to this miner than met the eye: Anansi had a secret in her past.

Agent Lewak invited the alleged former Code supporter to give him constructive criticism. However, Anansi fell silent. Something was going on at that very moment.

Another Mackinaw loss! Anansi's other alt--also a member of Alchemy Group--was mining in the exact same asteroid belt as the other two had been. She never bothered to move. That was three Mackinaws she'd lost within an hour. What a Goofus.

As you can see from the timestamps, Anansi remained silent for a long while. When she stirred, Anansi was no longer the same miner. She had undergone a transformation.

It only took a few words. Lewak recognized Anansi in an instant.

There had been no record of Anansi, but she'd encountered the New Oder before, on a different character.

What we're about to see is a demonstration of our Agents' extraordinary mastery of highsec and all of its inhabitants. There are, one might suppose, a hundred thousand people living in highsec. Surely a rebellious carebear can hide among the masses, invisible to our Agents? No such luck. We monitor all Code violators, to a degree which they can scarcely imagine.

Anansi's true identity was Mercuri Thoth, whose freighter loss and tears were documented in the "Carebear Tears Are Liquid at Room Temperature" series. That was all the way back in October 2017.

One might be skeptical. Could Lewak really recognize someone so quickly, just from the use of that phrase about compelling one's will? Well, back in a MinerBumping post from September 2016, Mercuri was named along with Anansi in an Agent's EVEmail. Back in 2016, Mercuri was a member of--you guessed it--Alchemy Group.

Yes, Mercuri Thoth and Anansi Veles were one and the same. Anansi didn't bother trying to hide it any longer. It took three dead Mackinaws to reveal her final form, but from this point forward, she would tell the Agents what she really thought about the Code.

It had been most of a year since Anansi's altercation with our Agents as Mercuri Thoth. The passage of time hadn't changed her one bit. She was still preoccupied with the same thoughts.

One idea held a tight grip on what was left of Anansi's mind: Agents compel their will on others. She was tormented by the notion.

Back in her Mercuri Thoth days, Anansi had ended up purchasing a mining permit. She'd spent some of her money, but she didn't change her heart. Could our Agents truly rescue the miner from herself--or would she resist the compelling truths of the Code?

To be continued...