Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Attack on Poinen, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Seth Anzomi committed multiple crimes in Poinen. While piloting an unlicensed, anti-tanked hauler through the system, he had the temerity to leave a recruitment ad for his corporation in local chat. In less than a minute, Agent Luna Nightblood punished Seth with a righteous gank. First Seth's hauler exploded, and then he exploded in anger himself.

Poinen residents and on-duty Agents of the New Order watched the spectacle in local chat. There was a real potential for the situation to escalate; Seth had no intention of calming down, despite being repeatedly instructed to do so.

Agents of the New Order aren't the type to write people off. EVE players--even carebears--are presumed to be redeemable. Besides, our wallets are filled with the isk of people who said they would "never pay".

Because the incident was occurring in the local channel of a busy system, a crowd gathered. Would they side with the carebear or with CODE.?

Over the years, there have been thousands of misunderstandings that have led to many EVE players having a low opinion of the mighty CODE. alliance. However, everyone in Poinen took our Agent's side in her conflict with Seth. This is consistent with the pattern of increasing pro-Code sentiment that we've been seeing lately.

When passersby inquired about what was going on, Luna linked the killmail in local. That explained it all.

Seth tried to defend himself, arguing that he wasn't piloting illegal mining equipment--he was merely smuggling it.

In addition to being an admitted Code violator, the miner's unique writing style didn't endear him to the public.

Seth then made another admission: He had previously read the Code in its entirety. He announced that he didn't think there was much value in the Code. But Seth was not exactly bursting with credibility.

In his anger, Seth didn't realize that he was helping the New Order win hearts and minds.

Nevertheless, our Agents weren't content to sit back and rest on their laurels. They awaited an opportunity to get Seth interested in buying a mining permit.

With calmness comes rationality. Calm miners tend to be far more interested in buying permits. Seth wasn't there yet, but surely his rage couldn't go on forever.

No longer interested in rallying allies to his anti-Code cause, Seth picked fights with everyone around him. Agent Luna quietly observed Seth's behavior and considered that perhaps it would be better to speak with the miner another day, after he'd had sufficient time to calm down.

But the fight was only beginning. If Seth couldn't win allies through persuasion, he'd use his money to hire mercenaries.

To be continued...

Monday, May 22, 2017

Attack on Poinen, Part 1

For a non-hub system, Poinen local is fairly busy. It's a legacy of Poinen's glory days at the heart of the Red vs. Blue community. Once upon a time, Red vs. Blue was one of EVE's great shining lights. They still exist, but they never fully recovered after being defeated by the mighty CODE. alliance at Alliance Tournament XII.

Poinen local chat, automatically logged by countless players filtering in and out of the system, gets advertisements here and there. It's not packed with scammers like Jita, but the Poinen ads can be annoying enough. On this day, a recruitment ad was met by instant retaliation.

Seth Anzomi was lugging an octuple-anti-tanked hauler through the system. As he passed through, he dropped a recruitment ad for his corp in local. Mere seconds later, Seth was ganked.

Agent Luna Nightblood was the ganker on duty that day. Seth's pod narrowly escaped her judgment. Seth remained in Poinen so he could tell Luna exactly what he thought of her.

Luna's instructions to calm down went ignored, as did her courteous "gf" in local. Seth made it clear he had absolutely no intention of obeying the Code.

Onlookers in local cheered Luna's wonderfully executed gank. If Seth had expected to get the support of the Poinen community for his anti-Code rant, his illusions were now shattered. So he pivoted:

Seth revealed that he wasn't a highsec miner at all. His was the life of a wormhole miner. He was proud to be a wormhole dweller--and he apparently felt he was exempt from the Code while passing through highsec.

To our Agents' shock and dismay, Seth declared a war of words against the New Order. By this point, Seth should've been transferring 10 million isk to Agent Luna. He chose a different path.

Luna wanted to make sure Seth knew how affordable mining permits are these days. Seth hastily rejected her offer.

Although it's true that our Agents don't spend much time ganking miners in wormholes, Seth lost sight of the big picture. He was flying an unlicensed, anti-tanked hauler through highsec. There was no question that this activity was subject to reasonable regulations, such as, "Don't do it!"

Seth was convinced that our Agent had violated the Code. He made a lot of assumptions about the Code, but he spent very little time reading it.

When the space lawyer routine failed, Seth changed tactics.

Agent Luna won the first battle of Poinen when she PvP'ed Seth's ship. But now Poinen local chat would become a battleground in its own right. And it was a battle that both sides intended to win.

To be continued...

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Kills of the Week

One of the hallmarks of the New Order: Sanity. It's amazing just how sane, reasonable, and rational the New Order is. The source of our extraordinary sanity is the Code, which keeps everything in the New Order organized and logical--that is to say, in order. In contrast to our sanity is the madness of the bot-aspirant carebears. They repeatedly make the same mistakes, only to be shocked and angry when they get ganked again. For example, from the week of May 14th @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 20th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Sometimes Agents EVEmail me about an unusual kill they scored that week. This one certainly got my attention.

No, this isn't a fake killmail. Safian Krill actually lost a hauler worth just over 100 billion isk. Agent Myfluga blapped it while it was sitting on the Jita undock.

The cargo was a set of 149 Skill Injectors, none of which dropped (perhaps due to an anti-RMT measure being triggered). Safian explained that he was quitting the game and didn't want to be tempted into returning, so he extracted all of his skillpoints. (This is the only way to truly annihilate your character in EVE; even biomassing can be reversed via petition.) Safian begged in Jita local for someone to gank him. This went on for some time, but no one had the courage to do the deed. Not until Agent Myfluga arrived, that is. Our Agents are always willing to help EVE players find happiness in some other game, if that's what's best.

What's worse than mining ship with empty lows? A mining ship with empty highslots. What's worse than a mining ship with empty lows and highs? A mining ship without a permit. SuperDuty Bashore decided to go mining (or something). He obviously wasn't equipped for it, and to make matters worse, there was an active wardec at the time. Agents Krig Povelli and Foo-Foo The Snoo put the Skiff out of its misery.

BONUS! The same day, Agent Krig also managed to trick a Skiff into CONCORDing itself. Silly miners.

On occasion, a rebel will concern troll in the comments about Kills of the Week posts focusing too much on hauler kills instead of miner kills. Well, the miners will get plenty of time in the spotlight this week, thanks to an uptick in the number of ORE Strip Miner users we've been catching. Duke Starhammer blinged up a Covetor and got what was coming to him, thanks to Agents Jack Van Impe and Brynn Disher.

Krazor Ancom helped us scratch another pair of ORE Strip Miners off our list. Agent Bob the Fourth popped Krazor's Mackinaw and scooped both of the illegal modules.

DRERZEWERZISH was punished for using ORE Ice Harvesters. He, too, had empty lows for some reason. Agents Galaxy Pig and Galaxy Mule soon received the following message from the miner:

DRERZEWERZISH does have quite a history. If you go all the way back to 2013, you can see him make an appearance in Agent Bing Bangboom's classic "Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dogs of War" thread on the MinerBumping forums. At the time, DRERZEWERZISH was bragging in local that he doesn't need to worry about being ganked because he tanks his mining ships so well.

In recent weeks, carebears had been getting better about avoiding unnecessarily valuable implants. All that self-denial apparently took its toll on Quizblog, who was caught splurging on an incredible 10.6 billion isk pod. Agent Lawrence Lawton smashed the decadent pod--one of the most expensive yet recorded.

This is what a 10.6 billion isk pod looks like. Quizblog lost it while mining in highsec with a Hulk. I wonder how many hours of highsec mining it would take to make that up? Quizblog, if you're reading this, I urge you to reconsider your bot-aspirant ways. A 10 million isk permit is much more practical than a 10 billion isk pod.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

So Many Chances

Protip: Miners, don't play dumb. You're ignorant enough already.

Highsec miner Slayerofasz Breau claimed to be totally unaware of the Code. In her confusion, she refused Agent Snigie Audanie's command to turn off her mining lasers. And although she probably spends her days clicking on all sorts of links, she developed a sudden allergy to MinerBumping.

Agent Snigie was losing his patience with Slayerofasz's nonsense. Yet, in an act of extreme mercy, he politely repeated his order for her to cease mining.

Our Agents are constantly treated to lectures from miners who moan, "Why didn't you warn me? I would've paid if you'd asked, rather than ganking me without saying anything." Snigie gave Slayerofasz multiple warnings. The miner thanked our Agent by threatening him with a petition and--you guessed it--playing the "newbro" card.

Highsec miners have a limitless capacity for hypocrisy. They claim to be clueless newbies, yet they also tell our Agents how to do their jobs. If they're "newbros", why don't they yield to our Agents' superior knowledge and experience?

Slayerofasz had so much difficulty shutting off her mining lasers that Snigie had to do it for her--by terminating her vessel. After the Retriever exploded, its lasers were deactivated.

The infuriated miner took her first step toward becoming a space lawyer. It didn't occur to her to thank Snigie for sparing her pod.

Until now, the residents of the Scheenins system merely watched these events unfold. Now they would weigh in with their opinions. The miner and the Agent made their cases to the public:

Slayerofasz insisted that she'd been offered absolutely no explanation prior to the gank. She was a pure, innocent newbie, and the attack came completely out of the blue. Snigie didn't need to come up with some elaborate cover story. When you're an Agent of the New Order, the truth is good enough.

To the objective observer, Snigie was clearly in the right. Even new players have a responsibility to exercise some common sense.

Agent Snigie showed tremendous mercy to the "newbro". Though his kindness went unreciprocated, he got the benefit of making Slayerofasz show her true colors for all to see. And the incident has damning implications for all the rest of the "You didn't warn me!" crowd. Even if given multiple warnings, they'd all react just like Slayerofasz did. They deserve their ganks.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Wisdom Raining Like Antimatter

Pop quiz for all you aspiring Agents out there: How do you know if a miner is a Goofus?

...They'll show you.

More often than not, they'll show you repeatedly. A Goofus would rather disgrace highsec than spend 10 million isk to help save it.

Agent Liek DarZ came across a Goofus miner while on patrol in the Sinq Laison region. Liek has helped thousands of miners, so he knew just what to do.

The loudmouth carebear's mining barge was ganked. Though a mere Retriever, it was much more tanked than you might expect. Still, packing on a few thousand extra EHP doesn't give a miner the right to show disrespect to one of our Agents.

When the miner returned to her keyboard and discovered that the power of the Code had come upon her vessel to discipline her, she felt chastened. Her attitude immediately improved.

...So much so, in fact, that she was more than happy to buy a mining permit.

Questioned further about her new outlook, the miner revealed that she was incredibly happy about being ganked. So much for the charge that our Agents are "griefers"!

Eris Discordiaa no longer wanted Liek DarZ to "stick the permit in his ass". Instead, Eris stuck it in her bio for all to see.

Still beaming with joy, the miner penned an EVEmail to Liek apologizing for a number of specifically enumerated crimes.

'Twas indeed a thing of beauty. The rebellious, bot-aspirant miner now sounded like a Gallant--like one of our Agents, in fact. This is the bright future we have to look forward to: A highsec 100% filled with compliant pilots all obeying the same Code.