Thursday, July 31, 2014

Bots, Bullies, and Balderdash, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Rebel carebear merc 69er contacted New Order diplomat Capt Starfox and unburdened himself in a series of angry EVEmails. Starfox was determined to teach the unruly bot-aspirant the truth about the Code, no matter what it took.

A lot of EVE players don't know that you can change the color of your text in an EVEmail. Or maybe they do know about it, but never find an occasion where it's appropriate to do so. merc 69er did. When he broke out the red text, Starfox knew he'd struck a nerve.

Experienced Agents know that a carebear's promises aren't the best indication of his future actions. I have personally sold many mining permits to miners who insisted they would "never" pay. Starfox kept the faith. He knew merc 69er would be much happier after he finally took the plunge.

The rascal made a counter-offer: He would buy a permit, but only after Starfox sent him 500 million isk. "Never" took one step closer to the present. Now all Starfox needed to do was negotiate that 500 million down to zero.

Again, merc refused. In his EVEmail, he attempted to borrow from the battle-tested Code lexicon, but he ended up dropping Miner Bingo quotes in spite of himself.

Next, the rebel claimed the entire New Order licensing apparatus was fraudulent. But the accusation held no weight because merc was unreliable. Not only did he quote the wrong "Star Trek" character, he quoted the wrong show.

And yes, mining permits are real.

The more Starfox tried to pull him out of the muck, the deeper the carebear descended into madness. He declared himself ruler of parts of highsec and lowsec. An utterly absurd notion. But Starfox was ready for him.

In a tour de force, the New Order diplomat wrapped his arms around the drowning carebear and pulled him to safety. merc 69er had a second chance at EVE, if he would only take it.

merc 69er terminated their correspondence by putting Starfox on his "block" list. This was an extraordinary turn of events, since it was merc who had contacted Starfox to begin with. Clearly, Starfox's flawless logic and unwavering faith in the Code shook the rebel miner into something approaching wakefulness--and he didn't like the feeling. That's life. Not everything that's good for us in the long run is pleasurable in the short run. merc still didn't have a permit, after all, and everyone knows you can't really enjoy EVE as a miner before you get licensed.

You know, the process of saving highsec isn't like what you see on a television show. In real life, not every problem is resolved within the span of 30 or 60 minutes. The final chapter in merc 69er's long path to reconciliation with the Code has yet to be written. Some carebears are smart, while others are stubborn. From the fattest jump freighter to the lowliest Venture, they are all the children of highsec. Given enough time, each one will purchase his or her very own mining permit. They're just waiting for an Agent of the New Order to help them write the next chapter in their journey. (Credit Iam Thanatos for the portrait.)

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Bots, Bullies, and Balderdash, Part 1

Among the New Order's many strengths: Diversity and diplomacy. And no single Agent better personifies both of these strengths than our own Capt Starfox.

Starfox is not a member of CODE., but of Tactical Narcotics Team, a nullsec-holding member of the CFC. Starfox is also the New Order's lead diplomat. Skeptics and critics might call this an example of the New Order putting a token non-CODE. member in a highly-visible position of authority. Nonsense. The real reason Capt Starfox is in charge of the New Order diplomatic team: He came up with the idea and felt like doing it. As a result, Starfox gets EVEmails like these...

Somewhere along the way, merc 69er got the wrong impression about our Order and what we do. He accused us of being a bunch of bullies. Naturally, this charge was accompanied by a bunch of threats and profanity. Because that's how you fight bullying.

Cursory research on merc 69er revealed him to be a hardened enemy of the Code. Judging by his corp name, he had radical affiliations.

The corp in question, I screwed James 315 and the new order, was evaluated by New Order Intelligence. Initial assessment: The corp possessed the average level of sophistication for a rebel group.

Now it was time for Capt Starfox to flex his diplomatic muscles, drafting a reply that would help soothe and educate the carebear, readying him for his inevitable future transition from anti-Order to pro-Order status:

Starfox estimated the carebear's attention span would be exhausted after about a dozen words.

However, merc 69er had been doing more thinking about the Code than anyone could have suspected. He railed against the New Order's practice of checking for AFK'ers by talking to people in local. Maybe he was an active miner who didn't pay enough attention to local chat?

However, merc confessed to violating the New Order bathroom protocol--a clear admission of guilt. He also protested our "bullying" by saying we're scum that deserves to be treated like scum.

The whole bullying complaint is content-free; it's a zero-calorie argument. By contrast, a discussion about the Code is always fruitful. Since merc was interested in a debate, Starfox gave him one. The diplomat replied with a brilliant, concise explanation of how the Code applies to daily life in highsec:
Players should have local chat in its own separate window. Failure to do this may result in loss of ship and/or pod. Trade, corp and other player channels are not local and do not count as local. Make sure you actively pay attention to local chat or you risk loss of ship and/or pod.

It is required to dock up if you need to go AFK while mining; however, you are allowed to ask an Agent if it is alright to use the restroom and remain undocked. We allow this because we care.

Miners and the rest of the carebear community have already received enough warning. The ganks will continue with, or without "time to respond."

HTH -get a permit!

Fly safe o/
It was completely devastating. Impressively, the accomplished New Order diplomat dashed off the EVEmail in just a few minutes. If properly absorbed, it would undo the months or even years of rebel propaganda to which merc 69er's main must've been exposed. How could merc answer it with anything other than "You're right. Here's 10 million isk"?

merc continued to resist. He made an appeal to "free will". Starfox politely told merc how silly he was being. Yes, there is free will in highsec. Freedom to follow the Code, freedom to enforce the Code... Freedom to disobey the Code? That's going too far, like yelling "fire" in a crowded theater. Every freedom has limits.

The stubbornness of the "I screwed James 315 and the new order" CEO was daunting. If Starfox's diplomatic mission was to succeed, he would need to draw upon the maximum power of the Code.

To be continued...

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Venture-Killing Contest this August

Agent Anal Canal has found herself in a bit of a situation. She has a PLEX and needs to give it away. Can you help her?

Anal decided to create a contest, which will run all through the month of August. The winner will be the pilot who ganks the most Ventures. These days PLEXes are selling for nearly 800 million isk. By the end of August the price could be even higher.

A Venture-killing contest is an interesting idea. They are the smallest and cheapest of the mining ships. At a time when the New Order is making freighters drop like flies, having players compete to gank Ventures demonstrates the full scope of New Order authority. Personally, I have disliked Ventures ever since I saw the artwork for them, which doesn't fit with the rest of EVE's ship models. Also, they were intended to be used for lowsec/nullsec ninja-mining, but have been abused by people who AFK mine in highsec instead.

Critics will say, "Killing Ventures? There goes the New Order again, picking on new players." To which I reply, "Not at all. Not at all."

If you've never ganked miners before, or if you've just joined EVE, this contest is perfect for you. New players will find it easier to gank a Venture than one of the hardier mining ships. When you think about it, this is one of the most newbie-friendly activities ever organized by the New Order.

The rules are simple. Any questions should be directed to loyalanon or Anal Canal. May the best ganker win!

The Code V

People just can't get enough of Agent Sasha Nyemtsov's audio commentaries on the Code. Or his voice. Sasha's latest discourse is available for your listening pleasure. Rounding out the preamble, Sasha tackles the following lines in today's recording:
"I'm no idealist to believe, firmly, in the integrity of the Code and the New Order of Highsec. It's no ideal to me: It is a living, working reality."
It's amazing how timely each sentence of the Code remains--despite having been written all the way back in 2012!

For earlier recordings, please enjoy the following links:
The Code II
The Code III
The Code IV

Monday, July 28, 2014

Yes, This is the Rule

When we think of trade hubs in EVE, we think of systems like Jita, which exist solely for the purpose of buying and selling goods, and for killing people who buy and sell goods. Did you know it's also possible to mine in some trade hub systems? Take Hek, for instance. Not only is it a major traffic center, it's also a 0.5 security system. Mining there is extremely dangerous. If you want to mine in Hek, you should bring a fully-tanked, licensed mining vessel and a full escort.

...Or you can bring an untanked Retriever. Whatever.

After highsec miner Sylvia Ross had her illegal mining operation shut down, she was contacted by Agent Tisiphone Dira. Clearly, Sylvia assumed she was the victim of a random gank. She was about to be educated.

Although Sylvia herself lacked the courage to mine in lowsec, she accused an accomplished PvP'er of being a "coward". In truth, Tisiphone was anything but a bully. She ganked Sylvia for the benefit of new players.

Suddenly, Sylvia attempted to extort Tisiphone for 30 million isk. If she didn't get the money, she would condemn Tisiphone and "the whole EVE". Classic carebear--it's all about the money and never about the experience.

For a moment, Sylvia stopped screaming and began to contemplate the enormity of what she'd just learned about the Code. If highsec had rules, maybe she would need to quit EVE forever. Sylvia had a problem with authority.

The convo was terminated. A bit less than an hour later, Sylvia shot an EVEmail to Agent Tisiphone. She'd been reading the Code. Her message lays forth the tragedy of the highsec miner: If she couldn't mine in highsec, there was no reason to play EVE. So much for the sandbox.

Then Sylvia escalated her petition all the way to the Saviour of Highsec. Naturally, being a carebear, she started off with a lie, claiming her ship had been destroyed for "no reason". Sylvia must have assumed I wouldn't get the full story from my Agent, because the convo shows that Tisiphone was very clear about her reasons for ganking Sylvia. Lying to the Saviour is not a good idea, folks.

Sylvia demanded a refund of 40 million isk and for the "stupid rule", i.e. the Code, to be changed. If I failed to meet her demands, she would quit the game. I now had to choose between the New Halaima Code of Conduct and Sylvia Ross.

When such an ultimatum is presented, the Code always wins.

Sylvia Ross is a highsec villain, but she's a tragic villain. She truly believes there's nothing more to EVE than mining in highsec. She doesn't believe in tank modules or weapons; her only defense is to spew profanity and threaten to quit the game. These days, it's widely held that for some reason it's really, really important for EVE to have as many players as possible. An interesting notion. If you ask me, one carebear like Sylvia Ross is more than enough.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Kills of the Week

This was a very special week for highsec: It was a week full of tremendous victories for the New Order. One might ask, how does that make this week different from any other week? It doesn't. Every week is a very special week when the New Order's around. Let's celebrate some ganks from the week of July 20th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 26th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Xulnaga starts us off with a bang. He didn't get the memo about being able to fit freighters with modules, or he just didn't care. He had 9 billion isk to haul around highsec and 0 million isk worth of mining permits for his freighter. The result was a dead freighter, ganked by Agents Aaaarrgg, ELicken, loyalanon, Big G Chelien, John E Normus, Jake Makbema, James Haythem, Bishop Hudson, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Krominal, Lonely Spirit, Rakeris, Princess Suicide, Yucan Blome, Nitetime Video, Mary Enowool, ATM Pro Asanari, Jon 1, Zane Arnolles, Babahabas, Jolly Rancer, P3tsku Janoinen, Cuddletime, grebnedlog kram, Catalysting You, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, and Jericho47.

But wait, there's more! The killmails on ZKillboard and Eve-Kill were API verified, but truncated. You see, Xulnaga was carrying around a lot of cargo, especially blueprints. Most were merely blueprint copies, but a few dozen were listed in-game as BPOs. The scan of the cargo was dropped into Evepraisal, which uses Jita market values to assess the total worth of a ship's contents. The Evepraisal estimate of Xulnaga's cargo was between 28 and 71 billion isk--not counting the several BPOs for which there was no market data.

All things considered, a 10 million isk permit is a pretty decent investment, no? That whole "New Order can't claim sov in highsec so just ignore them" thing doesn't seem to be working out so well for you rebels.

BlackSite Operator was flying a 9-10 billion isk jump freighter and decided to swap out one of his reinforced bulkheads for an expanded cargohold. He needed more room for his prized possessions. Who cares about a few measly hitpoints, right? BlackSite sure didn't. He was a bot-aspirant. Our Agents, on the other hand... John E Normus, Big G Chelien, Krominal, Keraina Talie-Kuo, loyalanon, Nitetime Video, Aaaarrgg, Zane Arnolles, ELicken, Yucan Blome, Brutal Anna, Lonely Spirit, Mad Fatchick Killer, Rakeris, Cuddletime, Arno Rafe, Rick Therapist, Radric Davids, Anal Canal, Zombiepilot, Jay Amazingness, P3tsku Janoinen, Jericho47, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, and Reprocessing Survivor take highsec more seriously. They won the risk/reward debate with antimatter.

Ouch. Areath Mehuputania was flying a fail-fit Nestor worth more than 2 billion isk. The carebear didn't think he needed a proper fit, since he was only killing NPCs in a mission he was running. Along came Arden Elenduil, who helped himself to some of the wrecks. Even though Arden's status as an Agent of the New Order entitled him to confiscate the contraband, Areath opened fire. Under the aggression rules, this made Areath a valid target. Arden easily won the battle, tearing the 2 billion isk monstrosity apart--while Areath probably yelled, "Leave me alone!"

Note to CCP: You can give the carebears a safety button, but it won't save them. If the next expansion included a Common Sense Button, the carebears would immediately switch it to the "off" position.

HARCLOCKSIS wanted to mine in highsec without my permission. To ensure his safety, he filled his Mackinaw with some expensive equipment, but not much tank. He ended up losing quite a bit more than the 617 million isk killmail suggests. HARCLOCKSIS, it seems, has a nasty little addiction--to Harvester Mining Drones.

Each one of these little puppies costs over 200 million isk. Agents loyalanon and Sophia Soprano were disgusted by what they saw, but they knew they'd come too far to quit saving highsec now. Once the Mackinaw was safely out of the picture, they scooped the drones and sold them to buy more Catalysts. Now that's what I call a happy ending!

People like Roman Ahashion probably look down on the freighter pilots who get ganked in Uedama. If so, they're hypocrites. Roman anti-tanked his blockade runner and, despite having a cloaking device equipped, turned it off so he could travel through my territory on auto-pilot. Agent D400 was on duty and gently reminded Roman that cloaks exist for a reason--as do gank ships. Roman wasn't willing to use his cloak, but D400 was willing to use his gank ship. Several hundred million isk worth of skillbooks and tags went up in flames.

BONUS! Last week, the notorious liberty of U-S-A-T-O tried to interfere with the New Order's freighter ganking in Uedama. Ever wonder why the rebels can't stop us from killing freighters, even though they know where we operate? liberty's Manticore fit provides a clue. Sanadoon1 and DeTech Deplete of Hunter Killers. corp took only one minute to kill her: 58 seconds to stop laughing, 1 second to kill her, and 1 second to wait for the next server tick.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

The James 315 Chorus

Increasingly, the Code is transcending the traditional written mediums like webpage text and local spam. In recent weeks we've seen the Code appear in recorded audio: homilies and stock messages. As you'll no doubt recall with fondness, oral readings of the Code also featured prominently in Agent Erotica 1's Bonus Rounds.

Today, the singing.

Agent Rabe Raptor made multiple recordings of his own voice and mixed them together in an exciting chorus. The lyrics to this particular chorus are printed on the SoundCloud page.

If this were included as an in-game sound, I'm absolutely confident more EVE players would play the game with sound enabled. And I'm equally confident that if it played as an in-game sound effect for the miners each time they were ganked, we wouldn't need to gank them repeatedly. They would learn much more quickly to buy a permit.