Monday, July 24, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned single-handedly shut down Mission Ready Mining's mining operations in the Gelhan system. Though MRM had over 2,400 members, they lacked discipline and the Code. Fortunately, however, they appeared to have a number of friends in various PvP alliances. One of these allies, Isabella Finn, coached the miners in MRM's private intel channel.


One of Kalorned's gank alts still had access to the MRM channel, despite having been outed as a spy the day before. Kalorned watched more news reports about himself.


The many watchful eyes of MRM and the experienced counsel of Isabella were no match for Kalorned, who continued to have free rein in Gelhan. His gank alts terminated one of MRM's more disgraceful Mackinaws.


Isabella was disgusted by the poor quality of the miners under her command. Maybe there was no helping these MRM carebears.


The death of the unfit Mackinaw sparked a lively debate in the MRM channel. Maybe empty mids and lows was the right strategy?


Isabella urged the miners to, in effect, obey the Code. Her advice was laughed off by the "no modules" advocate.


Defeatism set in. If an organization with more than two thousand members--plus allies--couldn't stop a single New Order Agent, perhaps the Code was indeed invincible after all.


Kalorned's gank alt with the intel channel invite, Keraina Talie-Kuo, chimed in with some friendly advice.
Van Fanalis > so many ships.....
Relna Vargach > not the best time to be hanging in space Van
Van Fanalis > lol. I came to watch
Archia Delante > best to do so at a distance
Relna Vargach > yeah..... not the best time for that. Gankers in system and all that
Most of the MRM members were in a state of extreme frustration. Others showed curiosity: Kalorned was the first interesting thing they'd seen in EVE.


After cautioning other MRM members to stay away, Relna Vargach decided to try a little PvP. He attacked Kalorned's suspect Orthrus and was killed instantly. Seeing the death of their champion, Mission Ready Mining had all but given up. Then another contender stepped into the ring:
Pheonix Jr > Kalorned do you do any actual pvp
Kalorned > Never
Pheonix Jr > with your kb i'm inclined to believe you're probably not talking shit when you say never
Pheonix Jr was not a member of MRM. He belonged to Vendetta Mercenary Group. This confirmed Kalorned's earlier suspicions that MRM was affiliated with a bunch of highsec mercenary outfits.
Pheonix Jr > you wont' even fight my sluggish brawling loki, In a kite boat
Pheonix Jr > what a fuckin vagina
Kalorned > Once you have proven your honor I will be happy to duel you anytime, anywhere, in any ship of your choosing
Pheonix Jr > That seems like a convenient excuse to always say no
Unable to defend themselves, MRM had called in the big guns. Pheonix urged Kalorned to engage in an honourable duel.
Kalorned > I must follow The Code friend
Kalorned > And The Code is very firm on the matter
Pheonix Jr > "when you join code and your ass starts to hurt from all the gay sex" - Kalorned 2017
Pheonix Jr > sound about right?
Like most highsec mercenaries, Pheonix felt that camping Jita entitled him to a certain level respect and admiration from other players. For some reason, Kalorned didn't seem very intimidated by him. Our Agent's commitment to the Code conflicted with Pheonix's own brand of e-bushido. Pheonix grew irritated.
Pheonix Jr > You want to be the cliche code RP tool
Pheonix Jr > like there isn't 5 dozen of you already, You're a dozen a penny
Kalorned > and here I thought I was special
Pheonix Jr > you're a prime example of why parent's shouldn't tell children they're special
Pheonix Jr > so kalorned, whats the largest dildo you can stick in your anus to date?
MRM's powerful friends had finally shown up. But would the Vendetta Mercenary Group warrior manage to defeat Kalorned, or would he simply cry about our Agent in local?

To be continued...

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Kills of the Week

Two questions came to my mind this weekend. The first: Is it possible to reconcile ruthlessly efficient, elite PvP with good, fair sportsmanship? In the New Order it is. The second question: Is it possible for a silly spaceship MMO to have justice of a more excellent quality than that found in real-life legal systems? With the Code, the answer to the second question is also yes. Everyone who got ganked in today's post got exactly what they deserved. From the week of July 16th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 22nd @ 23:59 EVEtime:



Krot Pioner was flying a special, limited-issue ship distributed by CCP to those who purchased tickets to Fanfest. Only a few dozen of them have ever been destroyed anywhere in EVE. This one went AFK and autopiloted through Uedama, where he was smashed by Agent Semtex Attor. I guess from now on Krot's lossmail will have to serve as his Fanfest souvenir.



In the mood for a good fish fry? XenoGod Xxhin was in Jita with an Orca packed with everything he owned in the game. The swollen 19 billion isk ship was captured by gankers boasting an incredible array of firepower--more than enough DPS to kill the Orca in a 0.9 security system. Agents James Poddington, Capt Starfox, Skiff Poddington, Mack Poddington, Trump The King, Lawrence Lawton, Australian Excellence, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Aruka, Hulk Poddington, Tax Collector Max, Alt Proxy, Sherri Rozei, Subotai Hyrkanian, Alt 00, Tawny Rozei, Ruby Rozei, Crom Cimmeria, Christine Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Lysergic Jackals, and Bob Pointer's accomplishment was memorialized in this photo taken by Alt 00:


Click here for the full-size version. It's true what they say: Gankers are artists; carebears are the canvas.



MinerBumping posts inspire EVE players to find emergent content that might otherwise go unnoticed. The ongoing "Code Ready Gelhan" series gave Agent Lawrence Lawton the idea to wardec Mission Ready Mining. The result was the execution of viduus Eto's capacitor-tanked Rattlesnake by Agents Skiff Poddington, Hulk Poddington, Mack Poddington, and Lawrence Lawton.



Gobowa made the mistake of bringing a 5 billion isk freighter into Uedama without so much as a mining permit or an explanation. That's a common mistake. What's unusual about this killmail is that the freighter was killed by a gank fleet consisting entirely of members of one corporation, the Gate Tax Collection Agency. Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Hill, Australian Excellence, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Richard, and Tax Collector HongMei did their corp proud with Taloses and stealth bombers--stunning!



Spacetruck doesn't read MinerBumping, so she didn't know an important truth about highsec life: If you equip ORE bling, you're gonna die. She went AFK in a 23 billion isk jump freighter anti-tanked with ORE cargo expanders. Her journey ended in Niarja, the graveyard of foolish carebears. Agents Lovchi, AndroGon Navy, Alarik Maleus, Votre Dieu, Nebo Blizko, Bastian Mart, Skyforus, Nam Plau, Rachel O'Conor, Narl' Amhar, KaMiKaDzExD, and Baboon Copper fired up a bunch of Taloses and won an extraordinary victory.



Over the past few years, our Agents have hunted expensive highsec pods almost to extinction. Krot Pioner managed to lose 1.5 billion isk in implants. If his name sounds familiar, it should: Krot's our buddy with the Fanfest ship. After losing his Pacifier, Krot floated in space for an additional 5 minutes of AFK bliss. Eventually, Agent Lagatha Rozei came along to remove him.


Krot had an ORE Mining Director Mindlink implant. His fate was sealed from the moment he plugged it in.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #136

We're saving highsec, and the signs of progress are everywhere:


You see that? They used to tell us to commit suicide or die of cancer. Looking at the sun is mild by comparison.


Welcome to the one hundred thirty-sixth edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag! I wasn't going to make an official welcome, but the world could use a little more ceremony, I think.


Yeah, I'm sure Mulder 666 only had pure thoughts before our Agent put that into his head by ganking his shuttle.


Our Agents give miners the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes there's no doubt.


Typically, an Agent gives a miner multiple occasions to redeem himself. The problem is that miners can also use those opportunities to dig an even deeper hole.


I guess you could say giving someone a second chance (or a third or fourth or fifth) is a high-risk, high-reward proposition.


The carebears insist that we're scum with no PvP ability, but they keep losing tens of trillions of isk to us. They must be exceptionally bad at PvP--or elite PvP, at least.


If Hunter Acosta spent more time reading "all the CODE stuff" and less time writing up elaborate reimbursement requests, maybe he wouldn't lose so much stuff.


Miners love to complain about me and my organization. But the real source of their problems is the disorganization and bot-aspirancy in highsec. Why don't the miners ever protest that?


This is a question we get all the time from greedy miners who lack faith in the Code. The answer is very simple, though...


Please don't interrupt me.


If being the single most relevant player in EVE Online counts as "active", then sure.


John Amachase complains that he gets "only" two hours to play EVE every day. That's so typical of the carebear mindset. Give an Agent of the New Order two hours and he'll change the world.

Friday, July 21, 2017

The Code Killer, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Unlicensed miner Kapisa Pollux was delighted to see Agent Australian Excellence in the Poinen system. Kapisa declared that he was not a miner, but a "Code Killer", and that he planned to slaughter Australian and all of his alts. Our Agent prepared for battle.


Earlier, Kapisa claimed that he was in the military and that the true measure of a man was how many people he'd killed in real life. Australian wanted the troubled miner to know that he was available for a friendly dialogue at any time.


Another rebel, Oak Heart, was also active in Poinen. The two carebears brought out the worst in each other.


Australian took pity on the non-compliants. Oak Heart cursed the mighty CODE. alliance for its Sun Tzu-approved tactics.


The self-proclaimed Code Killer had so far failed to hunt down any CODE. members. He consoled himself with the 200 million isk that he claimed he'd earned in the 30 minutes since he entered Poinen. Kapisa took issue with Oak Heart's complaints about one-sided PvP, though. (Put two rebels in a channel together and they're bound to start fighting.)


Oak Heart one-upped Kapisa's 200 million isk by casually mentioning that he was "trying" to buy a supercarrier. Though Kapisa didn't mind gankers shooting unarmed ships, he condemned CODE.'s use of bots.


Kapisa suddenly remembered that he was in the military and prepared to depart Poinen and its excellent isk/hr ratio.


Despite the Code Killer's bold promises, no Code-killing had taken place. Speaking of CODE., Agent Australian was suspiciously quiet...


Watch out for our Agents when they're quiet. Australian had been busy PvP'ing--without interference from the Code Killer.


Although rebels may mock and scorn our Agents, even they can't resist having a look at a nice, juicy killmail.


Deltilan Aivoras lost 2.3 billion isk--an expensive bathroom break.

Carebears, if you need to use the bathroom while in highsec, please refer to the following resources:

What Exactly Is AFK Mining?
New Order Bathroom Protocol
New Order Bathroom Protocol Supplemental


Australian asked the question everyone in Poinen must've been wondering: Why hadn't the rebels saved Deltilan's ship? After all, there were mouthy rebels in the system and at their keyboards. I suppose the resistance movement is limited to crying in local.


In the end, nothing can kill the Code. Anyone who pretends to be a "Code Killer" is fooling himself--and probably no one else. The only reasonable thing to do is obey the Code and show proper respect to its enforcers.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned humbled the Mission Ready Mining corp by single-handedly shutting down its mining operation in the Gelhan system. Despite its paper membership of thousands, Mission Ready Mining was unable to break Kalorned's siege of Gelhan. MRM resorted to increasingly desperate measures.
Lukka Hawke > seriously 4v4 us at the sun noob
Lukka Hawke > ill take your fucking tests
Kalorned > You will?
Lukka Hawke > syure why not
Kalorned > Great
Kalorned > Just pick one of the three tests and lets begin
Few of our enemies are willing to invoke the duel Tests; they lack the Valour, Wisdom, and Fortitude necessary to complete them. Lukka Hawke claimed he was ready to step up.
Lukka Hawke > here i will take your tests
Lukka Hawke > if you take my tests
Kalorned > The onus is not on me to prove my honor friend
Kalorned > You are the one who so badly wants to duel
Lukka Hawke > well you wont take my tests though
Within seconds, Lukka chickened out. He withdrew his challenge to duel Kalorned.
Kalorned > Of course not, I have no reason to
Lukka Hawke > same to you asshole
Lukka Hawke > lol
The remaining MRM members in Gelhan were again disappointed by the failure of one of their champions to defeat Kalorned.
Sunjiu > i see fear in you words
Kalorned > That's interesting
Kalorned > It so happens I see bot aspirancy in yours
RM24 > who's the bot... maybe we can have some fun with him
RM24 > from someone with the ethics of Hitler
Since they were completely unable to mine ice, the carebears had little alternative but to "speak truth to power". Which is to say, whine in local.
Sunjiu > this is fun prove to my guild mate iam a bot please
Kalorned > No further proof is needed beyond tonights conversation
Kalorned > You have been found guilty of bot aspirancy
RM24 > LOL... that's hysterical
RM24 > Kalorned know he's not a bot... but you on the other hand with scripting
The evening's events reached the point where Kalorned felt it was appropriate to individually judge some of the miners. They didn't take it well. In spite of Kalorned's ability to stop them from mining, they refused to accept the legitimacy of his rule.
Lukka Hawke > well Kalorned its been boring but im gonna go do ffaction warfare. fight people who are actually not cowards
Kalorned > Lukka Hawke have a wonderful evening
Lukka Hawke > Kalorned i hope you fly into the sun
Lukka Hawke > actually let me rephrase that. i dont really care about you at all
Initially hopeful that our Agent would "get bored and go away", the docked-up miners got bored and went away.
Redneck Reed > your not going to get anyone to pay you
Redneck Reed > your a joke
Kalorned > You can say whatever you like, friend
Kalorned > As long as you're happy, I'm happy
Redneck Reed > im not your friend
The New Order isn't satisfied merely by demonstrating our supremacy. We want to win the hearts and minds of the people we govern. Kalorned took the first steps.
Kalorned > Everyone is my friend
redneck atkinson > Kalorned wered you go
Kalorned > Right here my friend
Krominal > Kill: Lordiana Blood (Covetor) Kill: Lordiana Blood (Capsule) Mining without a Mining Permit is not permitted
After more than six hours of unchallenged mastery of Gelhan, Kalorned ganked one final miner and called it a night. The next day, he returned to find that MRM had greatly strengthened its defenses. The new MRM ice mining fleet was accompanied by more than a dozen combat ships and logistics cruisers.


MRM had thousands of members, but Kalorned had something much more powerful to call upon: the Code. His gankers dove into the ice anomaly and ganked an MRM Retriever right on top of the defense fleet.


Most of the MRM defenders didn't respond quickly enough; they were likely AFK. Those who were attentive proved to be even worse at anti-ganking than the "official" Anti-Gankers. Their strategy was to counter-gank Kalorned's Catalysts. The presence of CONCORD on the Catalyst lossmails indicates that the MRM defenders didn't shave even a second off of the Catalysts' gank time.


Nevertheless, the MRM defenders took the loss well. Encouraged by their Code-compliant reactions, Kalorned felt he was making progress. As he resumed bumping operations and cleared out the ice anomaly, Kalorned decided to check in on the MRM intel channel:


The previous day, one of Kalorned's ganker alts had been mistakenly invited into the channel and still wasn't banned. Kalorned noticed a decent number of non-MRM personnel in the channel. One of them, Isabella Finn, asked for a report on Kalorned. Though one miner tried to put a brave face on things, Toxicity Dohner was out of patience and frankly admitted Kalorned had taken over Gelhan.


Despite not belonging to MRM--or perhaps because of it--Isabella was looked upon as some sort of protector. Kalorned checked her profile and discovered she was a member of Dirt Nap Squad. Often referred to by the initials "DNS", the formerly active PvP alliance is perhaps best known for its most famous member, long-time CSM villain Trebor Daehdoow.


Isabella assured the miners that if Kalorned didn't stop bumping and ganking them, DNS would show up and give him a proper beating. It appeared that Mission Ready Mining's powerful friends were about to show up in force.

To be continued...