Sunday, February 7, 2016

Kills of the Week

During the week of January 31st @ 00:00 EVEtime through February 6th @ 23:59 EVEtime, our Agents won many incredible victories. They saw to it that countless bot-aspirants were punished. Hundreds of billions worth of contraband were destroyed. But our Agents also saw terrible sights; they bore witness to things that no one should ever have to see.

For instance.

Yes, Drek Aldent's mining Raven only got worse when Agent Zopiclone examined its fittings in the killmail he earned: Empty lows and rigs. A single Miner I, which was apparently the purpose of this ship. And I bet I don't even need to tell you that both of those shield boosters are Civilians.

Lots of miners try to bully Agent Ezzemiah Delma, but our Agents are known for standing up to the bullies of highsec. Vlad Pol and his fellow miners launched an unprovoked assault on Ezzemiah's Ishtar after she destroyed their unlicensed MTU.

The battle was swift.

The evolution of the rebels: Before, they said that the Code and the New Order and our Agents didn't exist, or if they did exist, that they were all losers. Now, someone not in CODE. is a "wannabe"!

The locals were outraged by the destruction of the Skiff fleet, but there was no arguing with Ezzemiah's success.

Merc101 managed to lose an impressive 7.5 billion isk when his Machariel was blapped by Tornadoes piloted by Agents Ben Li, Kristopher Rocancourt, Masao Kurata, and Nicolas Dupre. Amusingly, Merc101 had named his ship "officer spawn". Compliance beats decadence any day.

Our Agents are known for their helpful nature. You can always count on an Agent of the New Order.

Sometimes the best help they can provide comes in the form of tough love.

Pillihp Sinned lived up to his name. Agent Ben Li lived up to the Code.

Simon Akenaten's powergrid-tanked Mackinaw was worth nearly a billion isk. Most of that came from the pair of Harvester Mining Drones he was carrying. Agents PV Rock and Wonderful Friendship hunted him down. They found him loitering at the system's star. He had 35 units of ice. I don't know what Simon was thinking before he got ganked, but I have a guess at what he was thinking immediately afterward.

Anvs Maximus brought shame to highsec this week with his 4.3 billion isk pod, which contained a High-grade Crystal set. The pod was popped by Agent PV Rock after he eliminated Anvs' autopiloting shuttle. You know, EVE isn't supposed to play itself. It's meant to be played by decent men and women, people like our Agents.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Goons to the Rescue, Part 1

It was another busy day on the highsec beat for Agents Chocolate Mooses and Karmafleet Is Recruiting. Suddenly, our heroes received an urgent report. Trouble in the Tash-Murkon region!

Gliese 581 was illegally mining. Caught red-handed, the carebear was destroyed. Gliese didn't learn his lesson. Only three days later, he was caught again in the same system.

After two weeks of silence, Chocolate Mooses was shocked to receive a threatening EVEmail from Gliese.

Since Gliese's EVEmail didn't make sense, Chocolate still held out hope that it was all a big misunderstanding. If two EVE players discuss something in a calm, rational manner, problems like this can usually be worked out.
Chocolate Mooses > hi there!
Gliese 581 > u ganked me twice
Gliese 581 > if u dont pay me 1bilion im kicking you out
The convo window was hardly on the screen before it was filled with Gliese's venom.
Chocolate Mooses > Ahhh! I was confused. Please, give me a moment to examine my logs, this sounds very serious.
Gliese 581 > yeah u damn right its serious
Gliese 581 > ill send u home
Now Chocolate was in the horns of a dilemma. If she didn't pay Gliese a hefty ransom, he'd kick her out...?
Chocolate Mooses > Well, I sure would hate to get "kicked out" of whatever you are going to kick me out of! This sounds like a urgent issue! I'm already at home, however, so no need to send me anywhere.
Chocolate Mooses > Can you please provide the loss mails?
Chocolate Mooses > So I may verify your claims?
Gliese 581 > i want 1 Billion thats all
A billion isk is a lot. That's like a hundred New Order mining permits. Chocolate took the miner seriously, but she wasn't going to hand over a fortune without some evidence of wrongdoing.
Chocolate Mooses > Thanks for talking to me first before kicking me out of something (not sure what), let's get this sorted and be calm about it, okay miner?
Gliese 581 > no questions
Gliese 581 > 1 BILLION ISK
Gliese 581 > this is your last chance
Chocolate tried to smooth things over, but Gliese was stuck in hardball mode. He wasn't interested in anything but the money.
Chocolate Mooses > I need to see the loss mails of me ganking you.
Gliese 581 > i will only accept 1 BILLION ISK
Gliese 581 > u messed with the wrong person
Chocolate Mooses > Shhh, miner. Take a deep breath and calm down. I'll pay you 1 billion once we figure this out, assuming that your story checks out and that you were unjustly fired upon.
Gliese 581 > u better
Finally, Chocolate managed to turn down the temperature. She offered to search for the killmails herself. Only when she raised the possibility of paying the miner money did he start to calm down.
Chocolate Mooses > There we go. I see your losses, and I see that I did fire upon you. Were you aware that mining without a permit in high-sec is a crime punishable by death?
Gliese 581 > this convo is DONE
Chocolate Mooses > Just relax, miner. I'm being friendly to you, and I expect to be treated in the same way. Have you read the New Halaima Code of Conduct?
Gliese 581 > NO 1 Billion
Gliese 581 > this convo is OVER BLOCKED NOW FAGGOT HAHAHAAH
The very mention of the Code was enough to trigger a complete diplomatic breakdown. Gliese blocked Chocolate from all further communications. Now she had no way of knowing what she was going to be kicked out of. However, it was reasonable to assume that Gliese meant he was going to kick Chocolate out of her corp or alliance. So she did what any responsible person would do in this situation: She contacted an alliance leader.

Chocolate Mooses was a member of a little alliance called the Goonswarm Federation. Her immediate superior was giovonni Anstian, a senior manager of Goonwaffe human resources. giovonni offered to help Gliese get reimbursement.

Imbued with a new, friendlier attitude, Gliese was happy to talk.
Gliese 581 > heloo
giovonni Anstian > So you were just mining peacefully in 0.7 space
Gliese 581 > yes
giovonni Anstian > and she shot you for no reason?
Gliese 581 > yep
giovonni Anstian > Wow, that's just amazing! I can't imagine one of my members doing anything like that, Chocolate is very well behaved.
The Goonwaffe official got right to business. He was astonished to hear about what Chocolate had been doing while unsupervised.
Gliese 581 > well she ganked me in hi sec
Gliese 581 > yah
Gliese 581 > i lost 70m total
giovonni Anstian > Oh no!
Gliese 581 > yeah im poor
Now that Goon authorities were involved, the rogue Agent was going to be held accountable. Had Chocolate made a mistake by contacting giovonni? Was she going to be kicked out--or would she need to pay a billion isk to the miner? Or perhaps something else entirely was about to happen?

To be continued...

Friday, February 5, 2016

Raising Legal Awareness

The New Order's extraordinary impact and level of fame are nearly unsurpassed in EVE. Aside from the Goons/Imperium, no other group is as well known as we are. Partly that's because we operate in what is by far the most densely populated area of EVE.

On the other hand, lack of awareness of the Code remains a significant problem. How can this be? Bot-aspirancy. Bot-aspirants do not feel the need to become aware of their environment.

Imagine living in Imperium space and not knowing about the Goons. If you're a miner and you haven't noticed the New Order by now, it can only be because you're a bot-aspirant. Thus, not only is ignorance of the law not an excuse--it's actually a violation of the law in and of itself.

After chatting with Agent Zopiclone for a bit, Tasha Burton began to understand the importance of situational awareness. Victory!

Tasha had a long way to go. Once a miner becomes aware of the existence of the Code, he still must learn what's in it.

If Tasha had bothered to learn about the Code before breaking it, her Retriever might have been saved. That would depend on whether she obeyed the Code upon learning about it.

Tasha submitted a "review" of the Code. What is this, Yelp? (Granted, highsec miners frequently yelp when they get ganked.) Tasha's main complaint was the Code's lack of publicity. I've noted this paradox before: Half the miners agree with Tasha, but the other half complain about the New Order's excessive self-promotion--to the point that they accuse their fellow whiners of being CODE. alts in disguise.

Of course, Tasha had no cause for complaint. She should've known better. A lot better, in fact. Tasha has been playing EVE for over nine years. Disturbingly, her fail-fit Retriever was capacitor tanked and had 'Citadella' 100mm Steel Plates.

Meanwhile, Agent Bing Bangboom reports some troubling news. Though some may be tempted to wardec Luxembourg, I must caution that they do have a tendency to batphone their allies.

More space lawyers in the making, I'm afraid.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Bling in the Era of the New Order

Highsec was once the most stagnant place in EVE. Now, thanks to the Code, things are changing. And as we all know, the only way to truly change highsec is to change the people of highsec. We win hearts and minds, of course, but we also change the way people think and feel about EVE. We change their values.

Bluejay Destros lived the life of a typical miner. She came to EVE, she spent some time in the game, and she was treated to a complimentary player-retention service, courtesy of one of our Agents.

Despite being assisted by Agents BAE B BLUE and Liek DarZ, Bluejay was vulnerable. She had a permit, and she knew a bit about the Code, but her conception of wealth in EVE hadn't changed.

Uh oh. The consequences of being "helped" by the Anti-Ganking crowd:

KABOOM. It didn't take long before Bluejay was ganked. (An impressive quintuple-Talos gank, at that.)

Bluejay learned her lesson. She knew she needed to turn her life around, to get back what she'd lost when she'd abandoned her permit and her Code.

It's not unusual for wayward industrialists to return to the fold, but Bluejay had a unique mission.

In a Kills of the Week post, I wrote, "One day, after the New Order achieves final victory in highsec, a 'blingy' ship will refer to one that has multiple New Order permits. Until then, bling represents decadence and costly bot-aspirancy." This inspired Bluejay to begin collecting as many permits from as many Agents as she could.

Agent Sun-Tzu Rollard was mightily impressed.

I couldn't be prouder of Bluejay Destros. I hereby grant her the blessing/permit she requested. I've seen people buy more than one permit before, but Bluejay took the idea a step further by articulating a revolutionary truth: The true wealth of a highsec dweller comes not through isk, but through exceptional Code-compliance.

The idea may be catching on.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Kusion Family Values

Sec2Cube of the 8606 Corporation looked and acted like a bot as he AFK'ed his way through Madirmilire. He might have gotten away with it, had it not been for the courage of the New Order. His 2.7 billion isk Orca was ganked by a New Order fleet, which mostly consisted of members of the Kusion family.

The Kusions are a model highsec family. They have traditional values. They strongly believe in law and order. Everyone in the family has taken up a career in Code enforcement. They adamantly oppose carebearism, theme parkism, bot-aspirancy, and the like.

After Sec2Cube's Orca was destroyed, the carebear failed to offer a "gf" in local. But the Kusions wanted to acknowledge him anyway, so they waved in local.

Local Anti-Ganker MalkePigen took notice. She didn't like what she saw.

MalkePigen took a break from her busy schedule of continuously nonstop failing daily, and she petitioned one of the Kusions for botting.

MalkePigen's frivolous petition drew mockery from the locals. But she insisted that she had ironclad proof that the Kusions were botting.

The dizzy Anti-Ganker believed EVE time-stamps displayed milliseconds (or "milisecunds"). If true, the EVE client uses a rare kind of clock that doesn't display the hour. Then again, there would be no need: By MalkePigen's reckoning, there are twenty-four minutes in a day.

In fact, the Kusions' ganking operations are 100% EULA-compliant. They're frequently streamed on Twitch, so you can see exactly how it's done. MalkePigen had seen the stream, but was unconvinced.

According to MalkePigen, the Kusion stream doesn't show "hooked progs" and "network mitm bots".

MalkePigen didn't buy the cover-up, not for one milisecund. The truth was out there. Way out there.

The Kusion conspiracy went to the highest levels. CCP knowingly harbored bots in order to boost its subscription numbers.

The simple reality is that the New Order has always, and will always, act entirely within the EULA. We don't break the rules; we respect EVE and CCP far too much for that. It would never even occur to the Kusions to cheat, much less bot. Those aren't Kusion values.

Eventually, MalkePigen stopped talking about the Kusion conspiracy. Still, the typical Anti-Ganker has difficulty accepting that the CODE always wins (always). Since Anti-Gankers always lose, they imagine that winners must be cheaters. I extend this invitation to the AG crowd: Try ganking some miners and autopiloters. Try enforcing the Code, even if you don't believe in it at first. Once you get a taste of victory, you'll never want to go back.