Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Nemesis, Part 1

In highsec, threats lurk around every corner.

Notice I said "threats", not dangers. The New Order gets threatened a lot, but is never in danger.

As it turns out, carebears are much better at making ominous comments than actually doing stuff that involves guns and explosions.

Then again, as the rebels remind us, all it would take to destroy the New Order is for one carebear to make good on his menacing EVEmails about ending the Code forever.

From the start, Alex Kevall seemed an unlikely candidate. He struggled to fill all of the modules in his Retriever. Making matters worse, Agents Minx Mattel and Lewak deprived him of his precious 573 million isk pod.

When Alex made his way back to his keyboard an hour later, he learned about the Code for the very first time. Would he take to it?

Alex seemed confused. He recognized that mining in highsec is a boring chore, but he felt he'd been unfairly treated by the gankers. He tried to deflect attention away from his own crimes, like a serial killer who says, "Why arrest the guy who killed 10 people when so many others have killed 20 and they're still on the loose?"

After considering the matter, Alex had no choice but to concede that there was a lot of truth in the Code. Unfortunately, he decided that everyone associated with the New Order would need to be annihilated. Too bad.

Within minutes, Alex was already formulating his master plan. He would unite all of the anti-Code factions and become an arms dealer on a massive scale. This, of course, was high treason. Agent Lewak told Alex that he had no choice but to inform the Saviour of Highsec about the dastardly plot.

Now that the wheels were in motion, the New Order regime was approaching its end. There was still a chance to dissuade Alex from wiping out the Code, but the price was a steep one: 15 billion isk, plus 32 million for the Retriever.

However, as everyone knows, the New Order doesn't negotiate with terrorists. Highsec's last chance for peace slipped away.

The next day, Alex renewed his correspondence with the Agents who had ganked him. Spending the night thinking things over didn't appear to have mellowed the miner.

The destruction of Alex's pod still rankled him. No, he would not be abandoning his vendetta. He was now fully committed to his plan. And this time, the vengeful carebear would see it through to the end.

To be continued...

Monday, February 19, 2018

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 37

Previously, on MinerBumping... Mission Ready Mining sucked. Everyone knew this. The besieged rebels in Gelhan began to crack, leaking intel to our Agents. There were even signs that the miners may have been in the early stages of planning a full-scale evacuation.

Our heroes continued their work, hunting down the MRM members (alliance ticker: Fly Fearless) and ganking them. Where appropriate, the miners and haulers were bumped instead.

Agent Kalorned noticed that the MRM members really didn't like it when their Orcas were bumped. A swarm of MRM "defense" ships circled around him--but they didn't dare take any aggressive action, no matter how much they outnumbered the Agent.

pale pail, a member of The Marmite Collective, soon found himself at the center of a storm of controversy: MRM accused him of colluding with the mighty CODE. alliance. They were convinced that when their ships got bump-tackled, it put them at risk of being ambushed by Marmites, who were in an active wardec against MRM.

pale pail admitted that he'd been in contact with Agents of the New Order, and that the subject of bump-tackled MRM pilots occasionally came up in conversation. This sparked a new investigation of Marmite/CODE. ties--which held Gelhan local chat in rapt attention.

Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet wasn't going to let himself get pushed around like so many bumped miners.

MRM "leaders" like Captain BrewSir were torn: On the one hand, they were angry at the Marmites for the wardec. They'd been telling their members that they were winning the war--apparently unaware of the "war report" feature. On the other hand, they hated CODE. even more.

According to the MRM way of thinking, it didn't matter that their corporation had thousands of members. Nor did it matter that they usually faced only a single Agent at a time. They felt powerless, and they justified it by calling themselves "newbros".

Ya know, your typical newbros with 5 billion isk freighters.

The MRM propaganda raised an unanswerable question: When would it become okay for people to shoot at their spaceships in a spaceship-shooting game? When MRM had 4,000 members? 10,000? 20,000?

As MRM and the Marmite pilot continued to argue, TheInternet intervened, offering to mediate the dispute. He tossed the name of the Saviour into the mix, hoping that would defuse the situation.

Our Agents reasoned that it wasn't necessary for everyone to be at each other's throats. They could use the perfect harmony of the New Order as a model.

The matter went unresolved, for now.

Another day dawned in Gelhan. Agent Georgia B Dixie took to the belts and resumed her bumping campaign. Unexpectedly, a pilot claimed diplomatic immunity from bumps.

Once again, the complex power dynamics of the Gelhan system threatened to throw everyone into confusion.

To be continued...

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Kills of the Week

It's like someone told the bot-aspirants that we were going to cut them some slack. What else can explain the willingness of carebears to violate the Code, after they've suffered so much for it? In fact, the bot-aspirants got hammered this week. The mighty CODE. alliance was in rare form and, once again, the carebears suffered greatly. From the week of February 11th @ 00:00 EVEtime through February 17th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Highsec miners always seem to find a way to lose their money. They can lose a lot of isk even on the cheapest of ships. silbersack inexplicably blinged-out his Endurance mining frigate to half a billion isk before Agent Jack Van Impe brought him to his senses.

Ros Beldrulf topped silbersack, bloating his Retriever to 623 million isk. Just to make sure he'd lose it, Ros sent his mining barge into Uedama. Agent holdmybeer didn't have one of those fancy multiboxing freighter-ganking fleets at his disposal, but he did have more than enough DPS to kill a Retriever, regardless of its decadence.

Kottos probably didn't expect to lose his freighter to an NPC. But you know what's less intelligent than an NPC? An AFKPC. Agent Siegfried Cohenberg bumped the freighter until his new best friends killed it.

It looks like the Agent-aspirant Guristas are eager to join the New Order.

Corpius knew he was wrong to carry such expensive cargo in his freighter. So when he was threatened with a gank fleet (consisting of Agents BAE B BLUE, BAE B PEW, Emotion Sasen, Captain Cortar, Padme Love, ClearLove, Pure Whyte, Micky Maken, Selina Love, ZAKURELL0 LINDA, 420420420420 420420420420, Basic Black Bitch, clavo oxidado, Walther Fizzleblade, Lutz Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Origo Lim, Franz Fizzleblade, Archibald Fizzleblade, Hagen Fizzleblade, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Rosanna Love, Lunar Love, Another ShadeOf Whyte, Yuliana Tang, Suraka Toshiko, Yojiro, Jack Fizzleblade, Bluekiss, Ashley Whyte, and Hermann Fizzleblade), he tried to negotiate...

While he was still being bumped, he handed over a faction battleship.

He also paid a 3 billion isk ransom. Yet he was still ganked. The rebels will undoubtedly squawk about our Agents lacking honour. Not so fast. Because you see, carebears, once people find out what Corpius was carrying, they'll agree that he deserved to be ganked, ransom payment or no:

I rest my case.

Now we get to the big one. Paracidic Infection lost a staggering 43 billion isk jump freighter... in a 1.0 security system. Incredible!

Agents Tax Collector BokChoy, Dead Yellow Whale, Dead Gray Whale, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Stroheim, Dead Geen Whale, Dead Black Whale, Tax Collector Max, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Hill, Dead Blue Whale, Dead Red Whale, Tax Collector Aruka, Dead Pink Whale, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector HongMei, Taxman Daniel, Dead Brown Whale, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Dead Scarlet Whale, Dead Orange Whale, Australian Excellence, Dead Purple Whale, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Fuemi, Mining Lord 1999, Tax Collector AynRand, and Ding Dong MingMong brought more than 30 Taloses into this gank. It was a masterpiece.

All the plating in the world couldn't save this guy. You want to protect your ship? Use the Code instead.

Stormfyst II lost a 2.7 billion isk freighter, and then he managed to lose a pod worth even more. Agent brainlet smartbombed the freighter pilot and vaporized his 3.5 billion isk implants.

Interestingly, one of the carebear's implants was smartbomb-related. I wonder if he appreciated the irony?

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #151

I'll assume this miner was talking about CONCORD. Otherwise, that would be crazy--just crazy enough, in fact, for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

tankgiirl and Shady Skoomasha were ganked together by our Agents. Then they shed tears together.

Sounds like a dysfunctional family.

Even without the giant red font, Zachary Martin Kashuken is wrong here. Everyone knows that a bot-aspirant is his own worst enemy.

Among the many problems with "Gank-Intel": The "intel" gatherers end up getting ganked themselves:

There are so many reasons why we say the Anti-Gankers have no intelligence.

Sure, no problem. Is May 31st good for you?

Seems like Google Translate must've eaten this miner's message. Google probably processes as many miner tears as CCP does.

If you're mining in highsec and your name is illegal, that's probably a bad sign...

illegal joined EVE in 2004. I don't know how many times this character changed hands or its owner quit, but getting ganked in a Hulk isn't much to show for 14 years.

I'm sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else.

If jason trew's EVEmail is to be believed, it took him 7 years to grind enough isk to buy a Mackinaw. At PLEX exchange rates, that amounts to less than $1 per year. jason, I think it's time for you to try the Code.

The New Order saves another new player! The anti-Code crowd must have terrible stomach problems from eating so much crow.