Sunday, March 18, 2018

Kills of the Week


The word "integrity" actually means something in highsec these days, thank goodness. The Agents of the New Order of Highsec keep their promises. The bots and bot-aspirants, on the other hand, do not. Case in point: Despite voting in favor of the Code (by proxy), the bots and bot-aspirants violate the Code. Aren't you glad highsec is a place where integrity is rewarded--and mendacity is punished? Yeah, so am I. Now, from the week of March 11th @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 17th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Evgenji Besogonov was flying his favorite ship through a 1.0 security system. Then the unfortunate newbie lost 7.2 billion isk when the ship was PvP'ed by a trio of Tornadoes piloted by Agents Bharak Chhl, Trimont Vades, and WaNKeR GaNKeR. Will CCP and EVE Online be able to withstand a gank like this? The theme park crowd doubts it, but we'll see.

TankSSJR Gavin didn't exactly conduct himself according to the ethos of his alliance, Suck Less Improve Your Skill Become Unbad. Instead, he chose to bring a half billion isk Covetor into Niarja. The ship was laid to rest by Agents Snoobee Power, Dooxxy Hysbori, Lingmei White, Dominic Virmire, BJBee 7474 White, Hyrum Shakiel, BJBee 4891, and BJBee350.

Miners like TankSSJR make me wish EVE had a "Game Over" screen.

It was a bad week for AFK Deep Space Transports. Kosmokula lost 4.7 billion isk when her Occator was caught in Uedama by Agents Trump The King, Ruby Rozei, Tawny Rozei, Christine Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Sherri Rozei, Shanade Rozei, Baron Rozei, Lagatha Rozei, Katy Rozei, Ivanka Rozei, and Harletta Quinn. Another carebear lost a 4.7 billion isk Impel. I wonder if either hauler pilot would find the coincidence as amusing as our Agents did.

Credible intel suggests that Caboose Nolen was an NCdot alt assigned to transport Titan fittings through highsec. It looks like he started slacking off when he entered New Order territory. Carebears, highsec is not a place where you can let it all hang out; you're only allowed to let hang out what the Code permits. Agents Pure Whyte, Another ShadeOf Whyte, Ashley Whyte, Gea Stormbound, Bluekiss, Captain Cortar, Padme Love, SynthiaGreey, ClearLove, Selina Love, Basic Black Bitch, Rosanna Love, Yojiro, Lunar Love, Lich Terminus, Sadepilveni, and Astor Ignan let Caboose off with a warning, which consisted of destroying all of his stuff.

Jack Jills was another sad newbro who got ganked in a 1.0 security system. The jump freighter pilot neglected to teleport himself to safety, choosing instead to sacrifice 28.4 billion isk worth of contraband. Jack's crown was broken by Agents Australian Excellence, Tax Collector HongMei, Taxman Daniel, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jackson Kusion, James BIG BONED, Shy Elf Trap, Joel Kusion, erobb, patyooki, Serious Web Developer, PogChampion, oink piggu, tumblr ptsd, Daniel Chanline, Johnathan Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jason Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Kittens, Joshua Kusion, brainlet, and Kill The Innocents.

A bot-aspirant and a smuggler. Tsk.

Dax Esil took a hauler into Uedama and you can guess what happened next. The careless carebear was taken into custody and had her implants removed by Agent Baron Rozei.

Rogue implants for a rogue. She wasn't very Noble or Ascendant, though.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #153

It all began with bumping miners out of an ice field in Halaima. Agent Alexis Thermopylae made a pilgrimage to that sacred system and performed an impromptu historical reenactment.

Halaima miner tears still taste just as sweet all these years later. Welcome to the one hundred fifty-third edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Silly miner. Without rules, there is no such thing as freedom.

Unfortunately for Sharp224, even a single violation of the Code is enough to warrant a gank.

Ugetafix Wink thinks people shoot spaceships in EVE because they're too cowardly to murder people in real life. Not true. People gank because it's "relaxing".

HeavenlyHell sent an angry message to Agent Katy Melons. Was there any chance he could be reasoned with?

One can only speculate what obstacles prevent this miner from understanding the Code.

Miners, don't waste your breath. Our Agents have heard thousands of excuses over the years, and none of them are more persuasive than a penitent attitude and 10 million isk.

When bumped out of mining range, miners like to say "I was full anyway." The gank recipient's equivalent: "My ship did enough mining already, so it was ready to die."

Everybody complains about Russian bots. Only the Agents of the New Order actually do something about them.

Simple Kind Man initiated a convo with the Agent who had ganked him. His apparent interest in buying a permit was just a pretext. The miner had an ulterior motive for the conversation:

If Simple Kind Man would only apply himself, he could succeed at EVE.

Agent Jason Kusion had one of the most brilliant ganking careers in EVE history. It seemed nothing could stop him. That all changed the day he met dawook.

After countless kills, the Kusion family finally ganked the wrong carebear. Or did they?

No, dawook was definitely the right carebear to gank.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Eighty-Five Billion in Shares Sold

It's never too early for a fun game of Secret Saviour.

Hrothgar Nilsson purchased 365 additional shares, which took us past the 1,584 billion isk mark and earned him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. But don't be fooled by the nice, innocent EVEmail he sent. In the world of business, the dude's a shark. His modest purchase allowed him to creep closer to Bing Bangboom, the sixth-largest shareholder of all time. This is the EVE market metagame at its finest.

Erika von Heisenberg also wisely increased her holdings of New Order stock this week. Her purchase of 520 shares took us past the 1,585 billion isk mark and earned a fine Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ of her own.


You never know when your next gank might be your last.

Agent C-ta Vilosa ganked dawn11720 Laduko's fail-fit Mammoth, only to receive the most ominous of warnings.

When powerful friends in nullsec aren't enough: dawn11720 took his threats to the next level with the "phantom dev" approach.

...And when powerful friends in CCP aren't enough, there's always the classic "I'm going to murder your wife" routine.

I'm guessing CCP Guard isn't one of dawn11720's friends.

After embarrassing himself in local, dawn11720 initiated a private convo. He wasn't done yet. The carebear apparently threatened to murder Agent C-ta's children while pretending to look up the Agent's Facebook profile or something in real-time. Of course, we don't actually know if C-ta has any children, but dawn11720 took a chance. Did it pay off?

The carebear opened up a second convo. This time, it seems he was pretending to hack into C-ta's credit card or bank account. If only our Agent had known this guy was so dangerous before ganking his anti-tanked hauler! But our Agents only laugh at danger.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Parenting by the Code, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Neil Muutaras went to his friendly neighborhood Agent to buy a mining permit from her. Out of nowhere, the miner went on a foul-mouthed rant in local about the Code. Agent Alt 00 was considering her options when the miner suddenly made another about-face: He apologized for the rant and claimed his teenage son was to blame.

Anyone who enforces the Code is bound to come across a carebear who shifts blame to friends and family members who allegedly have access to his computer. With rare exceptions, these excuses are nothing more than that--excuses.

Neil didn't hesitate to throw his son under the metaphorical bus. That shouldn't be taken as evidence of his son's nonexistence, however. It's pretty standard behavior for highsec miners. Most of them would sell their own grandmother for a little extra isk.

Ah, there's that word: "Also." When uttered by an Agent of the New Order, you know that inspiration is about to strike.

Neil was once again the meek, mild miner that he'd been when he first approached Alt 00 and asked to buy a permit. Maybe there was something to Neil's story about his son. After all, why would he go on a psychotic tirade against the New Order in local, only to immediately send our Agent money and attempt to make amends?

As everyone in local looked on, Alt 00's idea took root in her mind and began to blossom.

In a situation such as this, a simple apology by EVEmail wouldn't do.

Protip: The name of the Saviour of Highsec is even more effective than the D-scanner. Speaking my name in local is usually enough to flush out a rebel or two.

Non-compliants hate to see their fellow miners obeying the rules. They know that every time a miner follows the Code, it brings more heat on the remaining rebels.

Before long, Alt 00 received a photo of the handwritten apology letter and portrait from Neil--or his son, Jacob:

Click here for full-size image.

For the sake of comparison.

Alt 00 found herself troubled by some of the flaws in the letter, especially the reference to "John 315". She considered that maybe this first attempt at an apology should be rejected out of hand, rather than being forwarded to the Saviour. So our Agent turned to the official diplomat for the mighty CODE. alliance: Light Neutron Blaster II.

Of course, Light Neutron Blaster II isn't the name of an EVE character; it's an item. Alt 00 made a rare use of the walking-in-stations feature to consult the item as one would an oracle.

She sensed its dissatisfaction.

Click here for full-size image. As you can see, Neil (or his son) retrieved the letter and made some alterations.

As our Agent pointed out, the most revealing thing about the letter was the condition of the paper itself. The letter had obviously been crumpled into a ball and thrown away, rather than being framed--or at least given a place of prominence on Neil's refrigerator. This miner (and his son, if he exists) still has much to learn about the Code, I think.