Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Waiting for Eternity

Whatever you want to call it--persistence, endurance, perseverance--it's a powerful thing. Our Agents have it. The people who cry about wanting to quit EVE when they lose their first ship--those people don't have it.

Every unlicensed miner represents an opportunity for our Agents to make another permit sale. But you can never know for certain how long it will take to persuade the miner to part with his money.

Agent Milkmypigeon stomped an unlicensed, AFK Retriever owned by Doowop Aflopbop. The miner's initial reaction was hostility. This probably wasn't going to be one of those quick, easy sales.

But then Milkmypigeon detected some mixed signals. Was Doowop angry about his loss, or did he appreciate the adrenaline rush?

Agent Dom Arkaral joined the convo and agreed with Milkmypigeon's assessment: The miner was enigmatic.

An "interrogation" consisting of a single question was enough to elicit a series of red-flag statements from the miner: His primary motivation was isk, he was willing to throw his roommate under the bus, and he lacked respect for the Agent who had bested him in elite solo PvP.

Doowop crossed the line. He condemned the New Order and refused to buy a mining permit, ever. It was a disappointing development. The signs had been there from the beginning, though. According to our Agents' intel, Doowop's corp was a wardec shelter for one of the local carebear alliances.

Eternity is a long time--long enough to test even an Agent of the New Order. But if you think Milkmypigeon was going to give up, you obviously don't know Milkmypigeon.

The very next day, Doowop invited Milkmypigeon to a convo. His lack of a mining permit had obviously been weighing on him.

There's no obstacle big enough to stop the Code. Eternity is but a minor speed-bump on our road to victory.

Alas, cruel fate! Within a few days, Doowop abandoned his own mining permit and left his corporation. For some reason, Doowop was cutting ties with everyone around him. He was a bot-aspirant.

At the same time that Doowop was throwing away his chance at happiness, a spy emerged in the local carebear alliance. When one door closes, another opens. The Code will always get through.

Monday, February 20, 2017

The Search for Anti-Ganking, Part 7

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Alt 00 endured incredible hardships on her journey to find a potential Gallant among the Anti-Gankers. Her patience and persistence were rewarded when she encountered Lahnius, who was competent enough to kill her scout alt. Despite being a rock-ribbed Anti-Ganker, Lahnius saw the light and purchased some mining permits.

Alt 00 and Lahnius met up again in the Hek neighborhood. Lahnius and his crew were mining--in a Code-compliant manner.

The locals were astonished to see the change in Lahnius. It was indeed quite a transformation, one only made possible by the Code.

Whether his fellow miners and Anti-Gankers would accept the new Lahnius was another question entirely.

A few miscreants threw tomatoes. But now Lahnius was untouchable. Having seen both sides of highsec, he knew without a doubt he was on the right one.

It's rare for an Anti-Ganker to display any competence, and even rarer for one to embrace the Code. Alt 00 felt Lahnius' story was so remarkable that she arranged to interview him by EVEmail.

As Alt 00 explored Lahnius' background, one thing stood out: Lahnius was immediately drawn to PvP. That was a good sign.

As a prominent Anti-Ganker, Lahnius had plenty of behind-the-scenes experience with that "community". Now it was time to get an honest take.

Incredibly, the Anti-Gankers managed to alienate (and ban!) one of their best soldiers.

Sounds like chaos in the Anti-Ganking "leadership". No surprise there.

Alt 00 asked Lahnius about the gank of her scout alt, which was described from Alt 00's point of view earlier in this series:

It's impossible to imagine such tense, gripping drama occurring in highsec without the Code. Everyone involved in enforcing the Code should take another victory lap. Well done.

More keen insight into the Anti-Gankers. They could learn a lot from Lahnius' example.

Lahnius makes a good point here: A mining permit is not a license to violate the Code. I've noticed that the miners who reject the Code tend to be the ones with the least understanding of it.

We're still waiting on CCP to add something good about the Code in the official EVE tutorial.

Lahnius, I'd say you're off to a good start already. Here's a more detailed response.

It was a long road for Alt 00, but so worth it. And now, a postscript:

The couple that slays miners together, stays together. What better way to achieve intimacy with your spouse, than by enforcing the Code?

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Kills of the Week

Fact and fiction, truth and falsehood. How to tell the difference? When we remember that the CODE always wins (always), it's pretty easy. However, for those who have yet to embrace the Code, things get murky, and it's easy to be led astray. And that inevitably brings them great disappointment and heartbreak--repeatedly, if they're not careful. We'll be seeing a demonstration of that later, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. From the week of February 12th @ 00:00 EVEtime through February 18th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

You'd think a jump freighter, with all of its EHP and jump drive capability, would be ungankable. Perhaps it would be, if not for human error. Or should we say bot-aspirant error? Asmodean Ishamael went AWOL at the helm, only to be obliterated by Agents Yojiro, Jet Set Milly, Dewzer Eyre, Franz Fizzleblade, Unfit ForDoody, Ayatola Whoami, Gea Stormbound, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Hermann Fizzleblade, Yasashi konma, dAbOsSlAdY77, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Hagen Fizzleblade, Sertan Chakaid, Emergent Gameplay, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, and Bubby Isimazu.

What do you do if you have seven and a half billion isk worth of cargo, but you don't want all the hitpoints and cargo space that a freighter offers? Kosmokula thought she had the answer: Grab an Occator and head straight for Uedama. There she was ganked by Agents Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joel Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jake Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joshua Kusion, and Johnathan Kusion. If Kosmokula was expecting something else from the Kusion family, she gravely misjudged them. I wonder how many other carebears would make the same mistake? It's an interesting thought to ponder--hold onto it, dear reader.

Kosmokula was carrying a bunch of tech III ships and equipment. I've never fallen in love with the T3's, I'll be very honest with you.

apok Thellere committed a terrible crime with his Thorax. Perhaps he thought that he could disguise himself as an Anti-Ganker by mining with a combat ship. Among other problems with that plan: Agent Snigie Audanie isn't afraid of Anti-Gankers. If anything, combat vessels in asteroid belts are more likely to be ganked.

"Buy a skiff," says the rebel miner. "The gankers can't kill you if you're in a Skiff." Tervy DosAmigos took them at their word. But a Skiff hull, on its own, offers a miner no protection. He must learn how to properly fit the Skiff, and he must also get a mining permit. Only then may he mine with confidence. Agents Fate and Destiny, Zopiclone, and Never Gonna SeeGrandKids came across Tervy and scratched one more Skiff from highsec.

Ares Phalanx fancied herself a highsec two-face. Unfortunately, one who is a Gallant in the mids but a Goofus in the lows and rigs is really just a Goofus. Agents Tax Collector Richard, Taxman Daniel, and Tax Collector Discotime had no choice but to stop Ares' ship and subject it to a violent inspection.

As expected, unlicensed mining equipment (including a Hulk!) was found in the wreckage of Ares' ship. There was also a library of skillbooks, but not a single copy of the Code. Bad priorities.

Eraklea Delphine had a 7.6 billion isk vessel with the flimsiest of tanks. It was her Capsule, which she didn't even bother to clothe with a shuttle. Eraklea went AFK and autopiloted her decadent pod through Niarja and was no doubt completely shocked that it didn't get through safely. In no time at all, Agent ST0NER SMURF was EVEmailing the carebear a termination notice.

Protip: Don't inject Ascendancy implants unless you want to find yourself on the next Kills of the Week post.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

The Search for Anti-Ganking, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... The search for nobility among the Anti-Gankers continued. Agent Alt 00 was unsure of whether she would ever find it, so she multi-tasked by ganking a bunch of non-compliant miners in Nakugard. It proved to be an efficient use of her time.

Oddly, it seemed every miner in Nakugard happened to be in a bad mood simultaneously. But why should this be, when they have access to the Code?

Highsec miner Sarah Jones cursed our Agent for not taking enough risks. She was probably composing a petition to CCP in another window--asking them to remove risk from highsec.

Another miner, Haze Tveskoeg, was deeply disturbed by Agent 00's philosophy. She reminded him of the notorious sociopath Sun Tzu.

There are a number of carebears who believe our Agents must be destructive in real life because they shoot spaceships in EVE. Presumably, they also feel miners must be wonderful people because they shoot space rocks and rage in local. There is no evidence to support either of these notions, however.

Luckily, Haze doesn't play first-person shooter games. They're absolutely filled with killers, according to what he's read.

In fact, reading can be dangerous, if you regularly read the wrong things. For example, reading stuff in the market window while your Mackinaw is being ganked. Or reading about EVE on untrustworthy websites full of fake news--instead of MinerBumping.

Alt 00 assured Haze that she values each and every Cat that comes into her possession.

When checking her wallet, our Agent discovered that she'd received a payment of 50 million isk from someone named Lahnius. The name had a familiar ring to it.

It was true: Lahnius was the Anti-Ganker who had killed the Buzzard flown by Alt 00's scout alt!

Alt 00 had suspected there was something out of the ordinary about Lahnius; he'd told miners in Hek to tank up their ships and buy permits. Now she had the exciting opportunity to sell an Anti-Ganker some mining permits.

Hearts and minds are being won every day in highsec. Our best publicity comes from the conduct of our Agents. Our second-best publicity comes from the conduct of the Anti-Gankers. Lahnius must've said something reasonable in the Anti-Ganking channel to earn himself a ban.

Alt 00 knew in her heart that even among the Anti-Gankers there must be a few with Gallant spirits. Now that Lahnius had turned to the light, how would the miners respond?

To be continued...

Friday, February 17, 2017

The Search for Anti-Ganking, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Alt 00 quested like a true champion. She sought to find an Anti-Ganker capable of absorbing the Code and becoming a Gallant.

Agents of the New Order deal with a lot of different people--it's part of the job. If you're an Agent-aspirant, good people skills are a must.

They say that every time a new space lawyer is born, a GM sheds a tear. FairyKiller Blog was convinced that Alt 00's ganking activities were a direct violation of the EULA. Someone on the support team told her so, she claimed. Sure.

Rebel miners have a twisted view of the world. In a carebear's eyes, even something as admirable as a medal from The Conference Elite can form the basis of an insult.

Alt 00 had her hands full dealing with the children of Nakugard. A frank exchange of ideas ensued.

Actually, the "exchange of ideas" was pretty one-sided. Carebears don't have any ideas.

A new crisis emerged: Miner Locke Enderas was on the fence about renewing his subscription to EVE. Alt 00's priorities immediately shifted in Locke's direction--the game's player retention rates were at stake.

Locke offered some excuse about Alt 00 not showing up in time to receive payment. This is absurd, since you can always send someone isk regardless of whether they're online. (If you don't believe me, try sending one of our offline Agents 10 million isk right now.)

Somewhere in Iceland, another GM shed a tear.

Rather than arguing the point, Eva Riva went offline. I guess she wasn't cut out for space law.

Locke came up with another silly excuse. Alt 00 brushed it off and contacted the miner in private. Maybe he would be more cooperative if she got him away from prying eyes.

The miner sent our Agent the 10 million isk he owed her. Though he posted the permit in his bio, it contained some unnecessary disclaimers--a red flag for Locke's future.

For now, though, Locke was free to enjoy the Nakugard ice anomaly all by himself. The permit-less miners had already been removed by Alt 00.

The benefits of Code-compliance should have been obvious. The permit-carrying miner got to mine, while the rest of the miners could only bemoan the unfairness of life under New Order rule.

The carebears of Nakugard were slow learners. Still, Alt 00 wouldn't give up her search for a Gallant.

To be continued...