Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #55

When all is said and done, I hope what is remembered about me is that I was a friend to the people of highsec.

Skeptics of the New Order are critical of my official title, Saviour of Highsec. No matter how you slice it, it looks better on stationery than "Terrorist and Harasser of All".

Only in the confused mind of a carebear is it considered "sociopathic" to build a community and interact with others--while being silent and spurning human contact is considered normal.

Revan Kothan, I listened to your complaint very carefully. I have one question. Why do you keep saying your name is Vahiz Mortis? If you liked that name, why didn't you choose it in-game?

...Hence the old highsec saying, "He who womps last womps best."

The New Order deals in facts and evidence, not idle speculation. I wonder what put Taka Heshi in such a bad mood? Probably ganked for botting.

Chrono-Sphere Alduin is the latest in a long line of carebears who define themselves by their opposition to me and the Code. Why else would someone create a bio like this? Imagine being a new player and coming across someone like that. If Ripard Teg were here, he'd advise Chrono-Sphere to let one of his female relatives read that bio and tell him if it's appropriate or not.

Mister Domination delivered a horrific prophecy to the Agent who ganked him. But our hero need not fear. karma balancer is an Agent of the New Order.

You'd be surprised how frequently AFK miners will, upon returning to keyboard, claim not to have time to deal with the New Order. What about all the time they free up by multitasking?

I have news for all the bot-aspirants out there: "This is highsec" is not an argument--it's an admission of your being subject to New Order jurisdiction.

"I'll spend billions to hire mercs" isn't as effective as having powerful friends in nullsec. Especially when you can only fly a "25 mil" ship and mine in highsec.

Don't be fooled by phony charities. If you want to make sure your isk goes toward helping those who need it, buy New Order stock directly from me.

Sounds like someone's petition was rejected. Carebears, if this happens, don't blame me. Blame the space lawyer who encouraged you to file a frivolous petition.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Kills of the Week

Another week, another buncha dead carebears. I wonder how many were persuaded to follow the Code? As long as the answer is greater than zero, we're making progress. Fractional carebears (those who need to be ganked more than once to learn their lesson) count. Let's review some of the fallen bot-aspirants from the week of April 13th @ 00:00 EVEtime through April 19th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Michae Sasen had one less egg this Easter when his pod got destroyed by Agent Fap Angel. 1.8 billion isk of implants were lost. Naturally, this included a Michi. Our Agents are getting very creative at rooting out the Michis, as seen below:

It's a beautiful thing. Even deadspace is no place for a carebear to hide. It's just a longer trip to oblivion.

The deadspace victim, Arahbeth, belonged to the fittingly-named B.O.O.M ECONOMICS SOLUTIONS corp. Agent Dreadchain showed her why it's called "deadspace".

Wynndee learned there's no running from the law--or an officer of the law like Agent the reaverkiller. The thing about speed fits is that you need to go all-in. Wynndee was willing to sacrifice tank, sure, but she didn't fill her rigs or buy a snake set. No wonder her Retriever was only going very slowly instead of just slowly.

judderz judd, one of the few members of liberty's U-S-A-T-O alliance, lost a 2.1 billion isk fail-fit industrial to RaiderMoon. I'd say liberty's new/old alliance isn't off to a great start. Appropriately, the disaster took place in Halaima.

...and most of the loss came from a Retriever BPO. If anyone else is in U-S-A-T-O, how many more omens do you need?

The freighters continue to drop like flies in the Isanamo system, where Agent loyalanon has been leading fleets for weeks now. When will these carebears learn?

Among the dead was Modan Ikkala, who lost a 4 billion isk Charon. Judging by his cargo, he does business outside of highsec. However, just as highsec residents must follow the rules of nullsec when they venture to 0.0 space, everyone in EVE must abide by the Code when in highsec. Agents Bishop Conrad, Pestario Vargas, Klaxor Gaterau, Jared Lennox, loyalanon, Dragon BF, unknown boat, iZaEaRl, Jebediah Phoenix, kidkoma, Scylla ofMessia, Tyr Dolorem, Paz Heiwa, and Black Pedro delivered the lesson.

You might ask, if so many freighters continue to die in Isanamo, why isn't anyone doing anything to stop it? Where's the resistance?

...They were completely ineffective. Indeed, our brave Knights, encouraged by the overflowing New Order Treasury, have so much firepower at their disposal that they can allocate additional DPS to nearby rebels.

Jennifer en Marland, who has been trying and failing to stop the New Order for many months now, was repaid for her cynical attempt to get on CONCORD killmails with her Tornado. She was popped by Agents Sophia Soprano and howling wind, at the very moment the gang was also killing this freighter.

Ten million isk and some common sense, people. Is that too much to ask?

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Double Double Toil and Trouble

The martyrdom of Erotica 1 and her now-infamous "blank reason" ban has only brought the good people of highsec closer together.

New Order shareholder Slave A00073078, who owned no small number of shares already, was inspired to do something extraordinary. Recall that just before Erotica 1's ban, the dynamic doubler transferred 39 billion isk to purchase 39,000 shares. Now it was Slave's turn to make a grand gesture.

Count those zeroes carefully.

Slave A00073078 is now the second-largest owner of New Order stock. Her purchase of an additional 39,000 shares sent us past the 309, 310, 311, 312, 313, 314, 315, 316, 317, 318, 319, 320, 321, 322, 323, 324, 325, 326, 327, 328, 329, 330, 331, 332, 333, 334, 335, 336, 337, 338, 339, 340, 341, 342, 343, 344, 345, 346, and 347 billion marks. It earned her a Triple-Tredecuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, something few would have expected to see again.

Eagle-eyed readers may wonder what happened to the 308 billion mark, since we were last at 307 billion. Just before Slave's order came in, Levarris Hawk purchased an additional 315 shares and sent us over the 308 billion mark, earning him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Hey, don't knock it. It's still worthy of a hat-tip, even if you're the Supreme Protector.

Over a third of a trillion isk worth of New Order shares have been purchased. Our ganker fund has over a hundred billion isk at the moment. If you're a highsec carebear, now would be a really good time to make sure you've got your permit.

Vote Avalloc

If you ever need help, you know where to go.

The EVE community gets routinely trashed by the Ripard Tegs of the world, but the truth is that we're all one big happy family. We stick together.

Loroseco Kross filled me in on an opportunity to help GoonSwarm's Avalloc compete for votes in the National Mobility Awareness Month Local Hero contest, sponsored by the National Mobility Equipment Dealers Association. The voting page may be found at this link.

According to the website, votes will be accepted through May 9th. The winners for 2014 will be announced during National Mobility Awareness Month in May.

If you get the chance, you can do a favor for Avalloc by tossing some votes his way.

Just another way the New Order and its fellow travelers show that they're Gallants, not Goofuses.

Friday, April 18, 2014

You Can't Patch Stupid

Chatlogs are a time machine. They take us into the past and allow us to pinpoint the precise moment that the Code changed history for someone. For instance, can you tell when Agent Lord Jasta brought awoxing content into the life of this carebear?
Lord Jasta > just gotta drop mission boat off
Artimous Nollian > Okay.
Lord Jasta > see what crystals I need
Artimous Nollian > Ice belt I am at has a lot of Ice. You wouldn't leave for a while.
Artimous Nollian > WTF?
After highsec miner Artimous Nollian made known his bot-aspirant attitude toward ice mining, Lord Jasta tackled his ship and threatened to open fire.
Lord Jasta > Isk please
Psylocke Nollian > Why are you attacking me?
Lord Jasta > Again Isk please
Artimous Nollian > Really attacking your own Corp?
Lord Jasta > Your mining illegaly.
Artimous Nollian > How am I mining illegaly?
Lord Jasta > This is new order space you do not have a permit
Lord Jasta > http://www.minerbumping.com/p/the-code.html
Lord Jasta > You guys either pay or I don't dock and leave corp
Lord Jasta > All you had to do was google my name.
Lord Jasta sighed. He was bitterly disappointed in the carebear. Jasta only awoxes those who truly deserve it--those whose destiny it is to be awoxed.
Erskine Childers > are you just going sit at your computer until you get paid?
Lord Jasta > No, just sit afk cloaked...
Lord Jasta > Nice thing is I can sit here in corp and its not against the rules
Lord Jasta > Afk till tomorrow cya then
Erskine Childers > dont jerk off too much
As Jasta reflected upon the miner he'd just killed, he wrote an EVEmail announcement to the corp:

That's right--all of that for a Retriever kill. It didn't matter how big or small the ship was. For Lord Jasta, the point was sending a message. Even a cheap Retriever isn't safe from an awox.
Aspara Gus > omg lord jasta
Aspara Gus > i knew you were an awoxer
Erskine Childers > haha
Aspara Gus > its amazing how people missed the fact that he was in a new order corp for 2 weeks right before he joined this one
Erskine Childers > how can you tell what is a new order corp?
Erskine Childers > also he admits it right in the bottom of his bio lol
Jasta attempts to educate every carebear he awoxes. He tries to make it as easy as possible to avoid recruiting him. Hence, his bio:

Always read the fine print! Lord Jasta had been recruited into the corp despite a New Order corp history and a bio that praised awoxing. After his successful mission, Jasta returned to the recruitment channel. He would act as an agent of destiny for another carebear corp that deserved to be awoxed. This time, Jasta wanted to see just how obvious he could make himself.
Lord Jasta > Burnt out pvp pilot lookign to learn mining, corp must be legal in eyes of new order.
Jasta would hide nothing. Whomever recruited him would be fully aware of his allegiance to the New Order and its Code.
Lord Jasta > o/
Lord Jasta > Hows it going today
Illyion Zune Russell > sup!
Lord Jasta > Looking for a legal mining home, not full of kids :p
Illyion Zune Russell > Whats lega?
Lord Jasta > Having mining permits from Our Lord James 315 and the New Order
Illyion Zune Russell > I don't really care for that kind of stuff bullies
Jasta was contacted by the Nomad Company, an organization of highsec miners. Lord Jasta made known his commitment to the Code. As a highsec resident, Illyion Zune Russell was familiar with the slander about our organization being a bunch of bullies. But the interview continued.
Lord Jasta > Got boosts for support?
Illyion Zune Russell > yeah.. not maxed but nearly
Lord Jasta > Better than nothing
Jack Sinclaire > you played with MOARR ?
Lord Jasta > Sort of.
Illyion Zune Russell > whats MOARR?
Lord Jasta > Illyion Zune Russell rule one always look at corp history when spamming adds :p
Illyion Zune Russell > lol yeah i see
Jack Sinclaire > yeah ive heard storries about JF ganks
Now Jasta came under scrutiny from Jack Sinclaire, the founder of Nomad Company. Jack was looking through Jasta's employment history. Jasta remained an open book:
Jack Sinclaire > You were a spy for MOARR, Correct?
Lord Jasta > yup
Illyion Zune Russell > nice
Jack Sinclaire > sounds cray cray
Lord Jasta > I did as I was told nothing more nothing less
Next, Jack actually looked at Lord Jasta's bio. He even read the fine print!
Jack Sinclaire > whats James 315?
Lord Jasta > James 315 is Lord of High Sec running a very great ministry on how to live morally right as a miner.
Lord Jasta > You must accept James as your saviour then pay a knight 10 mil to get a permit for one year. This will save you from being accused of being an illegal miner as long as you follow the code. http://www.minerbumping.com/p/the-code.html
Jack Sinclaire > lol
Jack Sinclaire > so hes a total ass hat
Lord Jasta > I call it permit tank
Jack was completely disrespectful to the Saviour of Highsec. In thinking bad thoughts about me and attempting to spread the poison to others, he doomed himself. By all accounts, Lord Jasta shouldn't have been accepted into Nomad Company. But the corp's fate was sealed. It was destiny.

Incredibly, Lord Jasta was accepted into the corp. He immediately reported to the corp's mining op, which was already in progress in the Mehatoor system. Jasta destroyed Illyion's Orca. Again, fate. Illyion had one of the worst Orca fits I have ever seen. I know I say that a lot, but this is highsec. Look at those lowslots!

Jasta destroyed a pair of Retrievers who were also attending the mining op. Jack Sinclaire, despite being the founder of the corp, could afford nothing more expensive.
Brick Redstone > we loveded you
Lord Jasta > So want me to dock an leave corp?
Lord Jasta > I dont want isk
Lord Jasta > I got what I wanted
Lord Jasta > Except for one thing
Jack Sinclaire > whats that
Lord Jasta > Either you can write James 315 a letter saying sorry or give me a medal for being the best Knight ever. I will then dock and leave corp.
Members of the Nomad Company were heartbroken when they learned that Lord Jasta was an awoxer. In an hour's time, he had already become the corp's most popular member.

Jack Sinclaire couldn't bring himself to apologize to me for what he said during Jasta's job interview, so he opted for the medal option. Jasta wears the medal proudly.

In the wake of Nomad Company's defeat at the Battle of Mehatoor, the corp collapsed. Jack left the corp he'd founded. The golden age of Nomad Company was the brief hour during which Lord Jasta politely chatted with the carebears. Even Illyion missed him.

The lesson here should be simple. There's nothing CCP can do to save the carebears and create a risk-free paradise in highsec. Their destruction is written in the stars. Our Agents simply do what needs to be done.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Cheerful Compliance

Everyone loves a happy miner. And as every highsec miner learns sooner or later, you can't be a happy miner for very long without a permit. Agent Kalorned sent Agent Ophidia Black a follow-up report after she visited Kalorned in the Gamis system. He gave us a behind-the-scenes look at how the SevenDragons corporation became Code-compliant.

As usual, Kalorned outmaneuvered his opponent, who had no choice but to admit defeat.

SevenDragons corp is very professional, as seen in this image from the SevenDragons website. It almost makes you think highsec miners do something. The CEO of SevenDragons, Joshen Legate'Amarr, was also very professional. Having realized that there was no sense in fighting the New Order, he was thrilled to speak with Kalorned about buying a permit:

When a carebear sighs like that, it means their happiness is about to increase.

Joshen was an odd duck. He knew he needed to follow the Code, but he wasn't cheerful about it. He sounded like a rebel. Would he really pay?

The only reason Joshen wanted to get his corp Code-compliant was for the sake of his "investors". As someone who tends to the needs of more than 700 shareholders, I can relate. My investors never suffer, though.

Joshen had "very powerful" friends who did PvP. Naturally, they wouldn't protect him from the New Order. He said "very powerful", not "omnipotent".

Kalorned and Joshen negotiated an arrangement for the whole corp to buy permits. Does this compromise the Code, which demands 10 million per miner? Not at all. In time, everything works out. SevenDragons is now down to 8 members, and Joshen paid 110 million. So he actually spent more than 10 million per miner.

Old habits die hard. Joshen still didn't like the New Order for some reason. At any moment, Kalorned might revoke his permits for Code violations.

Like everyone else in highsec, Joshen had already read the Code. He didn't fully absorb it, but at least he didn't pretend not to be familiar with its terms.

For some reason, Joshen wanted to transfer the isk through a station trade window, rather than just sending the money. Kalorned graciously agreed to visit him at a nearby station.

Carebears lie to everyone, even themselves. Joshen thought he could hold onto his dignity by sending the money from his personal wallet, rather than the corp wallet.

The deal was done. You don't have to like the New Order, but you do have to obey it. On the other hand, disliking the New Order is usually a Code violation, if it manifests itself in a tangible way. Thoughts are considered tangible.

I'm convinced that if Joshen had joined the New Order family in spirit, rather than simply by the letter of the law, he would have enjoyed greater success. His under-the-table purchase of mining permits for his corp, along with his disrespectful attitude, doomed him. Rather than growing, his corp lost half its membership. With ThreeAndAHalfDragons only running at half-strength, I wonder how many "very powerful PvP corporations" ran out of ore? After all, without miners, we wouldn't have any ships! ...Right?