Sunday, July 15, 2018

Kills of the Week

After experiencing a seemingly endless slaughter at the hands of our Agents, the carebears assumed that we had exhausted our resources. They crept out of their holes to indulge in bot-aspirancy this week--and were taken completely by surprise. Countless more carebears were destroyed. Meanwhile, Anti-Ganking was still missing in action. From the week of July 8th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 14th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

How bad do you need to be at EVE to lose a jump freighter in a 1.0 security system? Ask Not Another Alt12, who was defeated by the New Order in New Caldari. When the carebear attempted to travel through our territory without a permit, an extraordinary gank armada was on hand to greet him: Agents Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Hill, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector HongMei, Australian Excellence, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jason Kusion, Justin Kusion, Taxman Daniel, Jayden Kusion, Joel Kusion, Tax Collector Stroheim, erobb, Shy Elf Trap, patyooki, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Joshua Kusion, Tax Collector Max, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Tax Collector Richard, tumblr ptsd, PogChampion, James BIG BONED, Tax Collector Aruka, Daniel Chanline, Serious Web Developer, brainlet, HSM Chief PettyOfficer, HSM Fleet Admiral, and HSM MasterChief PettyOfficer.

Tesla Express managed to lose an even more expensive jump freighter in the Perimeter system--also 1.0 security. Is there anywhere in highsec our Agents don't have total command? No. Tesla was zapped by a somewhat smaller gank fleet than the previous one--but it was full of Taloses: Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Kittens, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Larry, Jayden Kusion, Jake Kusion, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Alison, Justin Kusion, Tax Collector BokChoy, Joel Kusion, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Stroheim, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Yuna, HSM Chief PettyOfficer, HSM Fleet Admiral, and HSM MasterChief.

Not every carebear chooses to throw away billions of isk on a hauling ship. Some prefer to lose billions on combat ships, such as Mu'iz Eryxx's 4.1 billion isk Nightmare. Actually, the blingmonger's true nightmare was a flock of Kusions, and he met them in Uedama late last week. Agents Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jake Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, and Josiah Kusion made good use of stealth bombers and Catalysts to bring the nightmare to life--and the Nightmare to death.

Parovozick was eager to tank his hauler as much as possible. But what's the point of tanking, if you're not willing to play the game? Parovozick went AFK and set his ship to autopilot, only to be blapped by the Tornado fleet of Agents Mongochicken, Gandor Ironfist, Throatslashar, iZaEaRl, Spazmongloid, and Elvir. Also, no tank is complete without a permit.

Gron Sonne must've overheard someone talking about how tanky Skiffs are. If so, he overheard the conversation in a crowded place with a lot of distractions. That would explain why Gron simply purchased a Skiff hull and never bothered to fit it. I'm sorry, but a Small Shield Booster I doesn't qualify as a tank. Agents Max August Zorn and Ernst Steinitz went to battle in a pair of Hecates late last week and "tested" the Skiff's tank. It didn't pass.

Letun Hyperborean was reeling from the loss of his 3.7 billion isk freighter when Agent holdmybeer added another 3.3 billion isk to Letun's lossboard. To be honest, Letun was probably still AFK long after he lost both the freighter and the pod. So he wasn't truly "reeling" from the freighter loss; he experienced a 7 billion isk loss all at once. I'm not sure if that's any better.

Are Crystals making a comeback? Carebears, avoid the temptation to spend your money on implants like these. It's much smarter to spend your isk on mining permits instead.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

The Code Compels You, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Anansi Veles and her alt lost Mackinaws in the same hour, in the same asteroid belt. Anansi attempted to position herself as the ultimate "Former Fan", claiming that she used to respect the New Order and its Code. There was no record of Anansi owning a permit. But there was more to this miner than met the eye: Anansi had a secret in her past.

Agent Lewak invited the alleged former Code supporter to give him constructive criticism. However, Anansi fell silent. Something was going on at that very moment.

Another Mackinaw loss! Anansi's other alt--also a member of Alchemy Group--was mining in the exact same asteroid belt as the other two had been. She never bothered to move. That was three Mackinaws she'd lost within an hour. What a Goofus.

As you can see from the timestamps, Anansi remained silent for a long while. When she stirred, Anansi was no longer the same miner. She had undergone a transformation.

It only took a few words. Lewak recognized Anansi in an instant.

There had been no record of Anansi, but she'd encountered the New Oder before, on a different character.

What we're about to see is a demonstration of our Agents' extraordinary mastery of highsec and all of its inhabitants. There are, one might suppose, a hundred thousand people living in highsec. Surely a rebellious carebear can hide among the masses, invisible to our Agents? No such luck. We monitor all Code violators, to a degree which they can scarcely imagine.

Anansi's true identity was Mercuri Thoth, whose freighter loss and tears were documented in the "Carebear Tears Are Liquid at Room Temperature" series. That was all the way back in October 2017.

One might be skeptical. Could Lewak really recognize someone so quickly, just from the use of that phrase about compelling one's will? Well, back in a MinerBumping post from September 2016, Mercuri was named along with Anansi in an Agent's EVEmail. Back in 2016, Mercuri was a member of--you guessed it--Alchemy Group.

Yes, Mercuri Thoth and Anansi Veles were one and the same. Anansi didn't bother trying to hide it any longer. It took three dead Mackinaws to reveal her final form, but from this point forward, she would tell the Agents what she really thought about the Code.

It had been most of a year since Anansi's altercation with our Agents as Mercuri Thoth. The passage of time hadn't changed her one bit. She was still preoccupied with the same thoughts.

One idea held a tight grip on what was left of Anansi's mind: Agents compel their will on others. She was tormented by the notion.

Back in her Mercuri Thoth days, Anansi had ended up purchasing a mining permit. She'd spent some of her money, but she didn't change her heart. Could our Agents truly rescue the miner from herself--or would she resist the compelling truths of the Code?

To be continued...

Friday, July 13, 2018

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Ninety-Eight Billion in Shares Sold

There's no such thing as a bad reason to buy more shares in the New Order.

Super Perforator's math is sound, though shares are purchased in units of a million isk, so amounts less than a million are disregarded. Super bought 1,880 additional shares of New Order stock, taking us past the the 1,597 billion isk mark. Super's own holdings now total 31,531 shares. Even more important: the addition of another Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Elvira Leone also increased her holdings, buying 300 more shares and earning a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for taking us past the 1,598 billion isk mark. Decent timing.


The only thing finer than killing a highsec miner...

Killing the ship (or in this case, the blingy drones) of a "nullsec" miner who mines in highsec.

Fork YoCouch was a contradiction. He hated nullsec's violence, so he went to highsec to do his mining. But he disdained highsec, because he was really a nullsec guy.

Don't expend too much energy on trying to understand the likes of Fork YoCouch. Whether he's in highsec or nullsec, you can count on him to lose his stuff.

People like Fork will tell you that they don't need to follow the rules. They have the freedom to do anything they want, but they use that freedom to mine in highsec--before their mining equipment gets blown up. These "nullsec" miners in highsec need the Code more than most.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

The Code Compels You, Part 1

Anansi Veles was having a bad day. A bad hour, really.

First, her alt, Bodhi Jung, lost a Mackinaw to the mighty CODE. alliance.

Less than half an hour later, Anansi lost a Mackinaw, too--in the same asteroid belt.

Anansi refused to accept responsibility. She declared the entire New Order to be fake news.

Our Agents were perplexed. Anansi didn't have a permit in her bio, and there was no record of her ever owning one.

There was no evidence of Anansi's permit, but there was plenty of evidence of her Code violations. She hadn't even responded to the destruction of her alt. It was as if her second Mackinaw simply waited patiently to die.

Normally, these kinds of tears come from permit-owning carebears who violate the Code. Anansi felt no less betrayed.

The miner alluded to some incident that occurred months earlier. Agent Minx Mattel was amazed by how stuck in the past a miner can be: Anansi was fixated on something that happened half a year ago, but she'd failed to respond to the destruction of her Mackinaw from half an hour ago.

Anansi continued to rage. One can only imagine how angry she'd have been if she'd actually owned a permit.

Then the miner's true nature fully surfaced: She was a "Former Fan", as described in the classic "Why They Hate the Code" series.

Anansi had zero interest in discussing her many Code violations. She wanted to put the Code itself on trial. Frankly, she lacked the resources for such a project even before she lost her two Mackinaws.

The Former Fan continued to long for the good old days, before the New Order became corrupt and started killing all the miners. Back then, she must've been the biggest Code supporter you never heard of.

Our Agents smirked at the miner's nonsense. But what they didn't realize is that Anansi had a secret in her past--one that would change everything.

To be continued...

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

How Not to Comply

Agent Ernst Steinitz had a dilemma. He came across an unlicensed Mackinaw mining in a 0.8 security system--and he wasn't sure if he had the firepower necessary to destroy it.

Then our Agent took a look at the miner's corporation. This gave him some extra confidence.

The miner, one ButtStomp, lost his untanked Mackinaw. It had an invulnerability field equipped--but the miner never bothered to activate it.

ButtStomp fumed. He was one of the countless "new returning players" who have been infesting the asteroid belts lately. Though he claimed to be completely out of isk, Agent Ernst sent the miner some information about mining permits and moved on.

Not long afterward, Ernst noticed something intriguing going on in the MinerBumping channel. Though plenty of carebears were dying, there weren't many exhumers around. Ernst had just killed ButtStomp's exhumer. If he could only gank another one, he'd win 250 million isk! But where to find one?

Oh yeah. Ernst returned to the exact same asteroid belt where he'd ganked ButtStomp earlier.

Despite his lack of money, ButtStomp managed to purchase another exhumer. And having failed to learn his lesson the first time, ButtStomp downgraded from an untanked Mackinaw to an anti-tanked Hulk.

Now our Agent proudly presented the killmail in MinerBumping. Some other contraband had been destroyed by his fellow Agents, but this was the first exhumer kill posted since the contest began.

Crime doesn't pay, but the Code certainly does.

When Ernst checked his wallet to see the prize money, he noticed something that shocked him: ButtStomp had sent him 10 million isk just minutes before the second gank!

The miner was furious. Of course, miners are always furious--hence their need to "relax" by illegally mining. Ernst pulled up local chat and found more negative feedback from the miner.

Our Agent truly hadn't noticed the permit purchase before he performed the gank; the miner hadn't bothered to send him an EVEmail along with the isk payment. But Ernst also knew that ButtStomp's permit purchase was void anyway: Anti-tanked Hulks are forbidden by the Code.

There was one other thing. When ButtStomp sent the isk, he left a revealing message in the isk transfer "reason" slot...

Ten million isk is not Code-compliance; it's money. If you want to live in highsec, you need to do more than toss a token amount of isk at someone. The Code is clear: Comply or die.