Monday, September 22, 2014

Sam I Am

Carebears love their untanked, max-yield mining fits. Since the New Order began ganking them, bot-aspirants have struggled to find something that works. The answer is staring them right in the face: A mining permit! The most stubborn of the carebears are still experimenting with strange and unnatural configurations for their mining ships.

Take, for example, Sam Violence's power-armor fit. Iron Man he ain't. Sam went up in a plume of smoke during his fight with Agent Guybertini.

Guybertini won the war, so now it was time to win the peace. To prevent Sam from returning to his evil ways, our Agent threw him a lifeline and offered to help modernize Sam's mining operations. If Sam had a source of legitimate income, he wouldn't be as tempted to engage in illegal activity. Now that's a forward-thinking approach!

Alas, the miner still had sentimental attachments to his old way of life.

Sam was just another random highsec miner. You know what that means: Promises of extraordinary revenge to be visited upon the New Order. The end would come Quickly™. (It's like Soon™, but much later.) Guybertini couldn't help but express his skepticism. So Sam sent another EVEmail:

At last, Sam contributed something unique to the EVE community. There aren't many carebears who come with their own catchphrase. Sam promised that I would receive "a thousandfold" destruction. If I'm credited with all the kills made in the name of the Code, does that mean I'm going to lose quadrillions of isk? My wallet would go so negative.

Guybertini hoped to reach an accommodation with Sam by taking an interest in the things Sam was interested in.

DE stands for Delaware. Cowards Order Delaware. But seriously, we all know what CODE stands for: Peace, order, honour, dignity, civilization, compassion, honour, emergent gameplay, structure, leadership, honour... Need I go on?

Sam wasn't prepared to buy a permit yet. No problem. Because when all is said and done, we are the New Order and we will be here.

The End Of All Danger In Highsec

A fresh cup of Sasha Nyemtsov's Manifesto II audiobook, anyone? There's plenty to go around.

In this section, I dealt with the conceptual problem faced by CCP when determining whether or not to capitulate to carebears' nerf demands: When is enough, enough? With carefully selected examples, I demonstrated that the only thing that will satisfy the carebears is total safety. The events since the writing of the Manifesto II have supported my theory, to say the least!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Kills of the Week

The New Order is constructive, not destructive. This is true even when we gank people. You see, highsec is like a block of marble. A sculpture is already there, within the block. Our gankers merely chip away the extra pieces. And when they're done, what is left of highsec is a beautiful sculpture of my face. Let's look at some of the extra pieces who were chipped away during the week of September 14th @ 00:00 EVEtime through September 20th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Lady Charge lost her anti-tanked Orca, which lacked a mining permit. What's special about this gank is that the Orca was killed by just five gankers, Agents loyalanon, unknown boat, PERUNGA, Mildron Klinker, and Sophia Soprano. The New Order is growing in numbers and in efficiency.

Not impressed yet? Try this on for size: Five gankers were enough to kill Era Union's freighter! He was found in an ice anomaly, scooping the ice like a billion isk container. Agents John E Normus, PERUNGA, Sophia Soprano, loyalanon, and Ginger Spook put a stop to that nonsense right away. Another freighter was killed by five gankers while it was being used as a billion isk ore container.

Ivanova83 considered herself a member of an elite PvP alliance, Pandemic Legion. To prove it, she built a 660 million isk faction battleship and went AFK. Agents PERUNGA, loyalanon, Mildron Klinker, Sophia Soprano, and Zombiepilot showed her what real elite PvP is all about. Looking at this kill reminds me that Reikoku corp is a member of PL. I can't deal with irony like that. Won't do it.

A man named "Lindsey"? Fine. But one look at that bio and you knew he was doomed. Some friendly Agents of the New Order entered the Sirseshin system and were greeted by the welcome wagon:
Lindsey Silvestre > get out of my system cock sucker
Dclker > hey the circus is in town.. CORE. cocks
Samual Saisima > omg. more james 315 dick suckers
Lindsey Silvestre > they all will die the same
Our Agents knew it was time to get down to business.

Lindsey Silvestre lost his 860 million isk faction cruiser (or whatever an "Orthrus" is) without putting up much of a fight. Agents Rick Therapist, Brutal Anna, and Carebears' Nightmare said "hi" with a trio of Catalysts.

With the rebels out of the way, the path was clear for the Code to be enforced in Sirseshin. Xopher's billion isk Mackinaw ORE Development Edition made itself an obvious target. Agents Brutal Anna, Rick Therapist, and Carebears' Nightmare did their job and helped themselves to half a billion isk in loot.

Highsec PvP doesn't come easy. To stay sharp, sometimes our Agents hone their skills by practicing in lowsec. Count Scary lost an Orthrus of his own, and his 3.3 billion isk pod was tackled. Agents loyalanon, 412nv Yaken, PERUNGA, and unknown boat all got to share in this special killmail.

Highsec didn't produce a pod of that value this week, but GOSOMER ANTARIS did his best. His 2.8 billion isk Capsule was popped by Agent Dirty Deeds2.

Chip, chip, chip. You're one week closer to glory, highsec.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #63

Who is James 315? The Saviour of Highsec, that's who. I believe that answers your question.

Two ways of increasing the Code-compliance ratio: Increase the number of permit-holding miners, and decrease the number of bot-aspirant miners. The New Order is proficient at doing both.

Agent Arden Elenduil does fast work. He wardecced a corp and killed one of their Ravens. The Raven pilot was kicked from the corp within minutes!

If you read the most recent shareholder update, you know arteran thrias athrian has since changed his ways and joined the New Order. The Code can have a dramatic effect on a person--and usually does.

Even a quiet system (only 14 in local) can become a source of vibrant conversation when an Agent of the New Order comes calling. We breathe life into highsec wherever we go.

Our Agents come from very diverse backgrounds. Now more than ever, we know that we can't be consumed by our petty, superficial differences. We must be united in our common interest.

Enemies of the New Order, by contrast, are mostly all the same. They speak the language of Miner Bingo. However, they do occasionally take surprising points of view. For instance, while carebears like to call us terrorists, not all carebears are anti-terrorist:
Kelaian Stareine > James 315 has saved him from a life of bot aspirancy
Kelaian Stareine > His will be done
Nyasa Sharisa > fuck your god
Nyasa Sharisa > gives me a reason to root for ISIL in RL =D YAY
loyalanon > Are you comparing a real life terrorist group to the actions performed by someone in a video game
Nyasa Sharisa > you pushing your christian agenda why not?
All of this silly quarreling will stop once every man, woman, and child in highsec follows the same leader and the same Code.

I find it puzzling when carebears accuse us of "harvesting tears". Keep your tears. We'll take your 10 million isk and (sincere) pledge of loyalty instead.

Not to make light of Ipaalon Noud's concerns, but I want to point out that she came up with a completely new excuse for AFK mining: "I briefly died."

I was so touched by Ipaalon's petition that I did her the increasingly-rare honour of writing back (I get a lot of mail):

Among my many duties as ruler of highsec: troubleshooter. Coming up with solutions that work for everyone is second nature to me.

If you're fatigued, log off and get a proper night's sleep. Our Agents will be waiting to accept your 10 million isk in the morning.

Freedom. This what the Code is all about. Freedom, freedom, freedom. Sometimes it takes a good gank to realize that.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Ganks of Future Past, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Illegal miner Riokken Bedala was ganked for mining without a permit. She refused to buy a permit, giving Agent Liek DarZ the ol' "I would've bought one if you asked first" line. When Riokken returned to the asteroid belts in a new ship, she encountered an undercover Agent, Alexis Smythe.

Alexis was the perfect undercover miner. Flying a Procurer, her disguise was very convincing. But she never for one moment forgot who she really was, and what she was really about: the Code. Agents never go native. Natives go Agent.

Whenever a miner switches from Retriever/Mackinaw/Hulk to a Procurer or Skiff, it's a victory for the New Order. In fact, all miners who sacrifice yield/cargo for tank indirectly give us a compliment. When speaking to the ganker, Riokken's 40 million isk Retriever was worth 30 million. Now it was down to 25 million. Carebear math.

Riokken repeated the "I would've bought one if you asked" line. I guess we'll never know, since she was ganked. Right...?

After advising Alexis to check miners' bios, Riokken took her own advice. She was shocked by what she saw.

The friendly miner she'd been chatting with was an Agent of the New Order the whole time! Agents are everywhere now.

Caught off guard, Riokken admitted that she was the one who had been verbally rude. Was this admission of guilt the first, fragile step toward Code compliance?

Alexis came up with a brilliant question. Riokken had been ganked in the past, and therefore understood the power of the New Order. At the same time, she was pre-ganked from Alexis' perspective. Her gank would be performed in the future. Riokken was ganked and yet to be ganked. It was the answer to the "I would've paid" paradox.

Riokken couldn't argue with the Agent's flawless reasoning. By her own logic, she had no choice but to pay.

Released from the stress of mining illegally, Riokken could finally see it: Agent Alexis was not a monster or a sociopath like the rebels claim. She was a friend.

With permit in hand, Riokken was already feeling a lot better about herself and about highsec and EVE in general. All permit-holding miners report experiencing these emotions.

Riokken no longer aspired to mine like a bot. She wanted to be a member of the New Order family in good standing. Now, at last, she could. Extraordinary!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Over Four Hundred Sixteen Billion in Shares Sold

The gears of justice keep on turning. No matter how much isk we spend on ganking ships, the people of highsec send us more. Give us the tools and we'll do the job.

Colonel Falkenberg has come a long way. With his purchase of 750 additional shares, he sent us over the 412 billion mark and earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Side note: Colonel referenced the permabans of certain Agents. Some of you have been waiting to hear what I will say on this matter. Don't worry, you'll get your fill of words--and then some. Stick around.

Big G Chelien's purchase of 500 shares put us over the 413 billion mark and earned him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Big G also purchased some shares for Kalynn Shardani. A thoughtful gift! I still love the fact that there's someone out there who advertises her services as a highsec mining "consultant".

Maria Malukker has earned a name for herself lately as the haiku master. The New Order has warrior poets! Maria's purchase of 315 additional shares sent us over the 414 billion mark and earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. I love that haiku.

The Church of Gary Busey proves there are still people who put their isk where their mouth is. With a purchase of 1,600 shares, we're now over the 415 and 416 billion marks. Excellent! The Church of Gary Busey receives a Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

I always love to see good things happening in highsec. Speaking of which, it's a magical time of year when summer turns to fall. Check your calendars, permit owners! Is your year almost up?

Yes, Airon Taiyou was the very first miner to put a "bumper sticker" in his bio. He invented the loyalty pledge for miners nearly two years ago.

Today, thousands of miners have followed in Airon's footsteps. Even a highsec miner can leave a big impact on EVE--if he follows the Code.

And while we're all enjoying the warm fuzzies, here's another feel-good story:

Keep the faith, keep the Code, keep on rockin' and rollin'. This is what we do.