Sunday, March 29, 2015

Kills of the Week

You might be surprised how often carebears question whether the New Order are really the good guys in highsec. No joke, some of them are truly skeptical. They doubt that our constantly ganking them will make highsec a better place. I'm sorry, but it will. If you need any proof, look no further than these kills from the week of March 22nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 28th @ 23:59 EVEtime. The dumb was out in force this week.

We begin with this polite conversation between bump specialist Siegfried Cohenberg and an unlicensed jump freighter pilot:
Siegfried Cohenberg > hi
Meho Semsin > ya
Siegfried Cohenberg > are you blue to cfc
Meho Semsin > YA
Siegfried Cohenberg > log in your cfc alt
Meho Semsin > OK SEK
Well, "sek" turned into forty minutes, and the fleet lost its patience with Meho. You probably know what happened next, since Eve-Kill spoiled it:

Yes, our friend was moving over 20 billion isk of cargo. Most of it was probably fine sitting where it already was, to tell the truth.

Naturally, Meho Semsin was triple-anti-tanked. He was doomed. Siegfriend continued his bumps so Agents Zaand Schtvaal, rackarns, Waking Life, Jean Pagette, Don Gately, Kusotarre, Emotion Sasen, Fabulous Andy, Sasha Cohenberg, Kentlar, Krisi Kristo, Rotineque Severasse, Armas Enfuego, Kaapee Torcan, Poppie McBonar, Mary Marvell, BAE B BLUE, Morrigan Laima, Neofelis Nebulosa, Braggs Seyllin, Kitiara Hextech, Kale Sultan, Errror404Name not found, Freya Guinness, PI Slave 004, Ehud Gera, and Jin Bland could slay the beast.

Of course, not every freighter that gets bumped winds up being ganked. Some pay ransoms or drop tears.

One such freighter pilot vented his frustrations in a Reddit thread that earned hundreds of upvotes and ultimately attracted nearly 900 comments.

Luckily, the honourable gankers honoured the 250 million isk ransom.

Ted Bigley thought he knew how to fly a Thrasher. Actually, he didn't have a clue. Agent PV Rock, on the other hand, is an expert Thrasher pilot, so he taught Ted how it was done. The lesson only cost 1.1 billion isk.

Incredibly, a similar incident occurred when PV Rock caught someone flying an 800 million isk Catalyst. If your Catalyst costs that much, you're doing it wrong.
PV Rock > Hi, since you haven't responded to my mail I was wondering if you have any questions
PV Rock > One of my own though first: am I correct in assuming that although your pilot is a year old, you just started playing again?
Taliana Minarai > yes
PV Rock > Well if you have any questions please feel free to ask them, most players are friendly and want to help new plaers
Taliana Minarai > apparently not
Taliana quit the convo without waiting to learn how to properly fly a Catalyst.

Yeah, it's going to be another one of those weeks. akatsuki aganon was carrying a PLEX in his Retriever, bloating the value of his untanked mining barge to nearly 850 million isk. Agents Xia Absent and Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri popped the Retriever and recovered the PLEX.

No matter how you value Hoptah Amher's decadent 'Aoede' Mining Laser Upgrades (which are not permitted in highsec under the Code), his Hulk was worth billions. That's bot-aspirancy. Another symptom of bot-aspirancy: He was flying a Hulk. Agents Masao Kurata and Nicolas Dupre were the first responders to this emergency.

Lordhawk didn't know much about EVE, but he knew two things for certain: First, every Iteron Mark V is in need of a good laser. Second, if you happen to own 1.4 billion isk worth of Harvester Mining Drones, you should carry them in a well-tanked industrial ship. By well-tanked, I mean one with 200mm Reinforced Titanium Plates. Add a small tech I armor repairer and you're good to go. However, Agent HotShotX Warcastle belongs to another school of thought: No permit, no ship. Our Agent won the argument, I think.

Jadzeer DAXX was spotted in an autopiloting Leopard. For those who don't know, if you ever spot Jadzeer DAXX, you should gank him. This guy is building quite the rap sheet these days. Agent PV Rock popped the Leopard and the pod...

...For a total of nearly 10 billion isk destroyed. This was Jadzeer's most expensive pod loss in the last few weeks, but not by as much as you'd think. I wasn't kidding about his rap sheet.

All in all, this was a week filled with painful lessons for the carebears of highsec. If you live in highsec and spend your time engaged in PvE, I want you to promise me you'll work extra hard next week to make sure this doesn't happen again. The New Order is always watching.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #75

Never trust a carebear's ship name. You will know a carebear by his actions--and his tears. Grab Bag time!

You might think Mirela Thai's suggestion to the Agent who ganked her was an idle one. You'd be wrong. In fact, Mirela had given it a lot of thought:

It seems carebears have only gotten worse since the "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie.

Miners always complain about the gankers shooting ships that can't shoot back. Yet for some reason, the miners rarely take the opportunity to use their hard-won kill rights.

Luckily, highsec has a Saviour who is only interested in making EVE a better place. I'm not in it for the money. The New Order is incorruptible.

BTB DK has it wrong. The New Order doesn't sell mining permits to protect miners from other New Order members. We do it to protect the miners from themselves. This is literally in the first paragraph of the Code.

Some carebears, like Dheathproof, offer IRL death wishes in the laziest way possible...

...But in Mother Russia, it's their custom to put some real effort into it.

For Nazareem Dmatto, having intercourse with his girlfriend is a back-up plan for when his ship gets ganked and he can no longer mine. Of course, first he has to finish writing a tearmail to the person who ganked him.

It was bad enough when Xenuria's name was scratched off the EVE monument, but this is ridiculous!

Miners have a funny way of describing events. They can tell a story about good things happening, yet make it seem as if bad things happened.

Jaysin Lock finally finished his complaint letter, urging the New Order to figure out its targets. Actually, we have a system for that, and it seems to be working perfectly.

Our final tearmail of the day comes from ryan "Don't Call Me Sir" Penshar. You know, I always give credit where it's due. ryan managed to come up with a brand new excuse for going AFK: To cool down his laptop. If only he could cool his jets as easily.


Friday, March 27, 2015

New Info Rising: GoonSwarm CODEdot Botter Banning Spree to Protect Newbie Ratio?

The news about CCP's study on ganking and new player retention sent a shockwave through highsec. No one outside the New Order expected its conclusions, which flew in the face of the carebears' conventional wisdom.

Indeed, the carebears were expecting news of a rather different kind. Just days before FanFest 2015, nefarious rebel leader JTClone Ares was in a secret channel with Jennifer en Marland. For some reason, he also invited Agent Natsumi Nishizawa to the channel.
Natsumi Nishizawa > so JT is this channel ever gonna be used for anything more than a cuddling place ofr me and jennifer?
Jennifer en Marland > please save me from the cuddles
JTClone Ares > sorry about that
JTClone Ares > socket crash
JTClone Ares > it seems from the intel from a friend who is high up there in the eve politics
Out of nowhere, the rebel leader disclosed an extraordinary secret: He had friends in high up there places. In EVE politics. In addition to enjoying his friend's friendship, JTClone had access to intel.
JTClone Ares > it seems that here soon since new evidence is rising up
JTClone Ares > on the new player ratio has been dropping because of code
JTClone Ares > and that a huge majority of code are goonswarm
JTClone Ares > CCP is coming in with a massive banning spree because they have been caught botting
According to JTClone's highly placed source, CCP discovered new evidence "rising up". For the first time, there was solid proof that CODEdot was run by Goons with bots who were driving away new players. Rebels long suspected this was true, but to have evidence...!
JTClone Ares > if they fuck up again
JTClone Ares > so yeah
JTClone Ares > im just chilling and doing my own thing for now. building isk then of course later on rebuild an alliance. plus other things
JTClone Ares > so what are you guys up to?
Having dropped this bombshell, JTClone casually asked his fellow channel members what was new.
Natsumi Nishizawa > ummm you do know that ccp has offically stated there they cant find any link to griefing and causeing noobs to unsub
JTClone Ares > it was the information they did
JTClone Ares > not have proof of
JTClone Ares > and when someone was about to show proof idk what happened.
JTClone Ares > so new info has risen so they will take action later on though
Our Agent challenged JTClone's intel. But JTClone confirmed that the info had "risen". Indeed, on an earlier occasion there had been proof available, but at the last moment before the proof was presented, something had happened. Luckily, the new info rose up.
Natsumi Nishizawa >
JTClone Ares > i read
JTClone Ares > there are many reasons for why players unsub
JTClone Ares > i have known many pilots who code has harassed have dropped eve so i got them on steam and now playing different games
Agent Natsumi cited CCP Rise's famous forum post, which debunked the myth that griefers drive away new players. But JTClone was unimpressed. He'd done his own study, on Steam.
Natsumi Nishizawa > yeah so stop pretending that CCP is going to come to the rescue and start banning code they have said time and time again vs a thousand complaints and petitions that Code is well within the eula
JTClone Ares > nah
JTClone Ares > right now its all talk
JTClone Ares > but hey, I only use my intel source for new info and old info. I stopped keeping tabs on code for a while
Nevertheless, JTClone conceded that his intel might be wrong. His source was specialized, with a very narrow focus: New information and old information.

We'll keep you updated as JTClone receives more secrets about EVE politics. Until then, feel free to speculate about the identity of JTClone's source.

Too Extreme for Anti-Ganking

As we've seen in the past, the Anti-Ganking channel is a pretty spooky place. Toxic, even. But are there any rebels who are too toxic even for the Anti-Ganking crowd?

Meet Star-Buck ZeR0, an outspoken highsec carebear with a bad attitude about the Code. He was seen by many as a rising star in the Anti-Ganking community. He even had his very own channel and TeamSpeak server. But this promising young rebel's career was derailed by scandal.

Agent Alana Charen-Teng joined Star-Buck's channel in the hopes of bridging the gap between the New Order and Anti-Ganking communities. Star-Buck was infuriated.

In retaliation, Star-Buck threatened to destroy, the official home of the New Order of Highsec. To gain access to the site, all he needed was an exploit. Then MinerBumping would be hacked.

In fact, Star-Buck's plan had been in the works for quite some time. He was now extremely close to unlocking the next digit of the password. Once all of the digits were in Star-Buck's possession, the New Order would be done for. Alana was stunned. She joined Star-Buck's TeamSpeak server to try and dissuade him from his horrific plan.

It was a trap! Star-Buck used the opportunity to acquire Alana's IP address. Armed with this information, the rebel could take vengeance against Alana in a number of different ways. He could nuke her ports, making it impossible to access the internet and gank miners. Or he could turn off her computer's fan and melt the hard drive. With the right exploit, he might even be able to increase static in the USB array and deliver an electric shock into Alana's keyboard. For now, though, he simply banned Alana from his TeamSpeak server.

At the very moment of Star-Buck's triumph, his perfect plan fell to pieces. Anti-Ganking moderator Jennifer en Marland banned Star-Buck from the channel for out-of-game threats and "generally losing his shit". This raised the eyebrows of space lawyers everywhere. Did the banning of Star-Buck set a precedent? If losing one's shit is a bannable offense, it could be only a matter of time before all carebears lose access to the Anti-Ganking channel.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

The Best Ship in the Game

Most carebears won't put an ounce of effort into anything. They don't feel the need to take space (utilizing in-game sov mechanics or otherwise); they rent space. They don't think they should have to work to get highsec ore or ice; they feel entitled to it. They feel isk should flow into their wallets even while they're AFK. They don't think they should be within reach of a keyboard when traveling.

But they do put a little effort into trying to capture the moral high ground. When an Agent of the New Order kills a carebear, the carebear balks. He demands an explanation. And yet, it is the Code violator who must justify his illegal behaviour.

Agent Tisiphone Dira ganked Dworecki, who was autopiloting in a pod. Tisiphone was indignant. She demanded the gank victim explain himself.

Dworecki was stunned to realize he'd been ganked. Until Tisiphone brought it up, he didn't even know it had happened. That's how oblivious the carebear was.

Now Dworecki was on the defensive. He had to account for the actions that had led to the loss of his pod.

As usual, the carebear was without excuse. He had no good reason to violate the Code. He simply assumed highsec was 100% safe.

A good Agent always takes an opening when it's provided. Dworecki asked who I was. Tisiphone recognized it as an invitation. Dworecki got an earful.

Tisiphone rejected Dworecki's interpretation of events and provided one based in facts. The fact was that Dworecki screwed up. Now he had to make it right--which turned out to be a simple, four-step process.

Here's the thing about giving people the full list of things they need to do to correct themselves: It's honest, but it can be overwhelming. Dworecki wasn't ready. Instead of rolling up his sleeves and getting to work, he procrastinated by ranting and raving for a few minutes. (He wasn't angry.)

Tisiphone offered to help, but Dworecki wasn't interested. He knew that even with the Agent's assistance, it would be up to him to do the heavy lifting himself.

The carebear softened somewhat, so Tisiphone went right for the sale.

Nevertheless, Dworecki wouldn't budge. Then Tisiphone offered a new perspective on the game. She was fine with getting only the pod kill, because she cared more about her friends than her killboard stats.

Dworecki was impressed. He was now one respect point closer to joining the Code-compliant highsec community. Their conversation was further evidence that the more time an EVE player spends with our Agents, the more they tend to respect the Code. Time is always on our side.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Carebear Thrill Ride

EVE is buzzing with excitement over the recent MinerBumping post, CCP Proves the New Order Was Right about Ganking and New Players. At last, even CCP can see that there's no more justification for nerfing highsec aggression. Ganking is good for business!

But amidst all of the celebrating, it's easy to forget that there are a lot of people who are hurting out there. Their whole outlook on EVE has been shattered. They're scared. What will become of the carebear apologists?

Jonah Gravenstein has some ideas on how to get these anti-PvP activists back to work.

It's an interesting concept. Maybe a controversial one. Thoughts?

Permanent links to all New Order artwork may be found on the Links page.

Over Five Hundred Seventy-Eight Billion in Shares Sold

They say the New Order of Highsec is a place where dreams come true. They say it's a place where anyone, no matter who they are or where they came from, can freely pursue their greatest ambitions. They say it's a place where it doesn't matter who you know or how much isk you have. New Order territory is unlike anywhere else in EVE. All that matters is one's passion and desire to obey the Code. Anyone with the willingness to do that is able to achieve greatness, to reach higher heights than they ever could have dreamed was possible.

Ladies and gentlemen of highsec, I come to you today to let you know...

They were right.

Dianor is our newest shareholder. With her purchase of New Order stock, she sent us over the 578 billion isk mark and earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

How many shares did she purchase? A billion isk worth? Two billion isk worth? (Probably not, since she would've earned a Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.)

No, Dianor earned the coveted Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ and a MinerBumping post all to herself by purchasing just 10 shares in the New Order. That was all it took to send us over the line.

Join the New Order and live your highsec dream today.