Tuesday, January 27, 2015

The Butterfly Effect, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... An extraordinary sequence of events--let's call it fate--delivered stephen Kalkoken into a private chat with the New Order. After stephen lost his untanked, unlicensed Retriever, he was fished out of the Mining channel by Agents Tisiphone Dira and loyalanon. Now he had the opportunity to live the true EVE experience.

Though stephen had been defiant in the Mining channel, he became much more docile once he was in a safe, Orderly environment.

Our Agents were willing to pardon stephen for his crimes if he behaved like a Gallant and paid the 30 million isk Red Pen fee he owed. stephen waited patiently as the Agents listed the peace terms. So far, so good.

But negotiations broke down when stephen offered an unrealistic counteroffer. This is why the New Order doesn't do counteroffers.

To prevent things from getting out of control, loyalanon followed the time-tested protocol of telling the miner to calm down. I've always found it strange that our critics accuse us of "harvesting tears" when we spend so much time trying to stop carebears from crying.

Both Agents instructed stephen not to produce tears. However, the miner only got more worked up about the Code. He insisted that he'd been following the Code without realizing it. This is, of course, impossible. How can you buy a mining permit without knowledge of the requirement?

Tisiphone knew the score, but stephen was sticking to his story. For now.

Gallant miners admit when they've made a mistake--especially after they've been caught red-handed. Goofuses only get themselves into more trouble. By this point in the conversation, our Agents began to suspect that they might be dealing with a Goofus.

Agents of the New Order are natural problem solvers; it's just the kind of people our organization attracts. Tisiphone recommended that stephen make up for his mistakes and obey the Code in the future. Most people would say that's a reasonable solution. stephen wasn't so sure. He even doubted whether the New Order's dominance over highsec is necessary. (Trust me, I've been to highsec, and it's very necessary.)

Confusion is a common symptom of bot-aspirancy. Despite having the peace terms laid out for him, stephen complained that no offer of peace had been given. Previously, he adamantly maintained his innocence. Now, however, he admitted "I don't follow your Code," while in the same sentence saying, "I don't naturally break any of your rules."

For a brief moment, stephen expressed an interest in joining the New Order. When he found out that we only take the best of the best, he knew it was hopeless.

The "innocent" act was wearing thin. Tisiphone listed a half-dozen Code violations on stephen's record. With his guilt established beyond question, it was time for stephen to choose whether he was going to live as a Gallant or die as a Goofus.

To be continued...

Monday, January 26, 2015

The Butterfly Effect, Part 1

Several years ago, CCP created a trailer for EVE called EVE Online: The Butterfly Effect. It highlights the way a player's choices can have an impact on many other EVE players. The residents of highsec know this lesson well: Many wonderful things have happened to them due to the influence of a single heroic individual. I am, of course, referring to myself. But although the transformation of highsec began with the intervention of its Saviour, it doesn't end there.

Each individual Agent of the New Order has the power to start a chain-reaction that echoes across highsec. If you recruit another Agent, for instance, and that Agent recruits other Agents, you can potentially affect the gameplay of thousands of players. Consider the gank of Charlie Jacobson. He was flying a Retriever which was semi-tanked, but he lacked a permit. Agents Brain Less and Euel Perne killed him.

Charlie was too gallant to whine about being ganked. Instead, he did what a ganked miner should do: He paid it forward by ganking another miner. In this case, the miner he ganked was a fellow named stephen Kalkoken.

stephen went to the in-game "Mining" channel and requested help from his fellow miners. He told everyone that he had been wardecced by a CODEdot "nut job" named Murdoch Luther. You might be asking yourself, "Who's Murdoch? He didn't gank stephen. Nor is Murdoch even a member of the CODEdot alliance. What gives?" To find out what gives, we need to ask Murdoch for the rest of the story.

After stephen was ganked by the former gank victim, stephen made a scene in local chat. This attracted the attention of Murdoch, a neutral party. Murdoch didn't appreciate the undignified manner in which stephen was comporting himself, so he wardecced the miner. stephen got confused and assumed the wardeccer was the same guy who'd ganked him. He also assumed Murdoch must be tied to the CODEdot alliance because, well, the New Order is responsible for all who live in highsec.

Got everything straight? Long story short, this sequence of events led stephen Kalkoken to the Mining channel, where he thought he would find someone to rescue him from the wardec.

...Because highsec miners are such helpful people.

Unfortunately for stephen, he discovered in a few minutes why the carebears don't "rise up" against the New Order.

stephen's cry for help then attracted the attention of Agent Tisiphone Dira, an actual member of CODEdot (and part-time calendar model). As soon as Tisiphone appeared, miners in the channel expressed their support for the New Order. Pro-Code sentiment in the Mining channel? Further evidence that we're winning hearts and minds.

stephen explained that he didn't want the miners to do all the work; he was willing to fly a PvP ship. He just needed some help.

And at the very moment stephen was winding up the clich├ęd "I've been playing for years but I took time off so I'm a noob" routine, he interrupted himself to report a spy in the channel. It's a good thing Tisiphone announced her presence a few moments before, or else she might never have gotten caught.

stephen hadn't been ganked by an actual member of CODEdot, but seeing Tisiphone sent him into a rage. This alienated the Mining channel population, sending them another step toward the New Order camp.

However, some pockets of anti-Order resistance remained.

stephen saw a kindred spirit in Mike the Miner. Before the two could become better acquainted, Agent loyalanon arrived. He sized up the situation and immediately invited stephen into a private chat.

Now stephen was in a welcoming, safe environment. But would it be enough to set him on the right path? Would he turn from mining to ganking as his own ganker, Charlie Jacobson, had done? Or would stephen prove to be too much of a Goofus?

To be continued...

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Kills of the Week

How can we grasp the nature of emergent gameplay? At its core, it is change. Instead of a game ruled by a limited set of pre-made routines, EVE is subject to the infinite diversity of humanity. Some players are good; others are bad. The best players change the game for the better. Unquestionably, EVE is a better, more interesting game because of the New Order and everyone who contributes to it.

Then there are the "problem" players--the carebears and bot-aspirants of highsec. They range in quality from bad to worse. That's the theme of today's post: The bad and the worse. Let's examine the bad carebears and the worse carebears who were killed during the week of January 18th @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 24th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Emberspark needed to move some cargo, so she triple-anti-tanked her jump freighter and stumbled blindly through my territory without a permit. She was killed by Agents Rakeris, Talon Calais, Fabulous Andy, Krominal, BoneyTooth Thompkins, Angel Pirate, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Emotion Sasen, Twizzlespark Celes, Cytheera, codras, Quaker Oatmeal, loyalanon, Randy McSoggybotto, Lament von Gankeheim, Ailish Liu, Angel Pirates, MeeLuv Hum, and Ms Minmay.

Emberspark lost 10.5 billion isk as a result. Perhaps she was relying on the large number of hitpoints a jump freighter possesses. In my highsec, the bot-aspirant can no longer hide behind hitpoints. But she at least had a reason for thinking she'd make it...

...Unlike Marek McMonte, who took a library of Blueprint Originals and stuffed them into his shuttle. Estimates vary as to the value of his blueprint library, but it cost him billions of isk when Agent Posax clobbered him with smartbombs. Marek didn't even have the excuse of thinking his hitpoints would protect him. Why would you not have a New Order permit in this situation?

Now for another example of bad and worse:
Johan Brew > would you like ship removal or pod expediting services?
mikion > nope im mining
Johan Brew > in a rokh?
mikion > yea cause im not an idiot
Highsec miner mikion made a huge mistake. No one reading this post can fail to guess what happened next.

mikion flew one of the most disgusting ships I've ever seen. If that weren't bad enough, he thought he was making a smart move. He looked down on the other miners, the "idiots" who fly ships that aren't as good as a mining Rokh. In the pre-Order days, he might've gotten away with it, too. But Agents Ono Tanaka, Chocolate Mooses, Elessarus, Martyr Oira, The Occidental, and Johan Brew were there to discipline him. They forced him to justify his actions.
Chocolate Mooses > mikion PLease explain your rokh fit.
mikion > since i came one you guys were going to gank me so put something to gether to get me some time before you ganked me
Chocolate Mooses > Why did you not just purchase a proper mining permit?
mikion > well i didnt know for one
Chocolate Mooses > The New Order/CODE is one of the most well known groups in all of high sec.
mikion > well that is good since i just started to play again
If the miners are to be believed, virtually everyone who plays EVE just got back from a long break. CCP's subscription numbers must be going through the roof, right?
Chocolate Mooses > Did you think that perhaps taking some time to examine the political systems and the local law enforcement BEFORE undocking would be a smart idea?
mikion > well from what i remember of the game was diffrent
Chocolate Mooses I see. Well, now you are aware of the law of high-sec. A new order permit is 10 million ISK per year.
mikion > ill do that another time i just finished what i needed to do thanks for the heads up on the new game rules
Chocolate Mooses > Player created content is what EVE is all about! Good fight, and please get yourself CODE compliant as soon as possible!
mikion > ill do my best for right now still getting the hang of thing since it has all changed
mikion > its a game cant get mad at if for players being better than me
Despite the darkness, there was a glimmer of hope. mikion was humbled by the experience. He acknowledged the greatness of the Agents who had defeated him in battle. Things could be worse, though you wouldn't know it by mikion's fail-fit Rokh.

...Which brings us to the second fail-fit mining Rokh that was killed this week. DEVISTATOR102 Blackburn didn't feel the need to fit weapons or rigs or much tank at all, but he did go all-in on the cargo expanders. What makes this fit truly inexcusable, though, is that DEVISTATOR102 owned a mining permit. He knew better. He paid his 10 million isk.

If the mining permit were simply a tax on highsec, we'd make it cost a lot more than 10 million isk. The permit is only a piece of a much larger puzzle. Everyone who reads MinerBumping knows how I feel about mining Rokhs. I don't like 'em. Never have. If you're Code-compliant, you won't fly one. Period. The next time you're building a ship, you should ask yourself this question: "Would James 315 approve of my ship?" It won't indicate that in EFT, but it should. In highsec, my opinion can make the difference between survival and destruction. I told you we were making this game better!

Agents John E Normus, Code Agent AC, loyalanon, Sasha Cohenberg, holdmybeer, Jason Kusion, Dio Marte, GOAT RAVISHER, and Emotion Sasen voided DEVISTATOR102's permit and destroyed his ship. After a brief conversation about his permit status, the miner understood what he did wrong.

Azmodai Draconis fell victim to Agent Posax's smartbombs, costing him over 5 billion isk in implants. I don't know why he felt the need to carry such expensive (read: decadent) implants, or why he went traipsing around highsec in a shuttle. What I do know is that as bad as this was, it could've been worse...

Trump Mover unwittingly gave Agent Martyr Oira the Pod Killmail of the Week with this 5.3 billion isk travesty. Judging by the implants, this carebear seemed to be very concerned about his agility. Why? Because he was a hauler pilot. He wanted to minimize his align time. Trump wanted to save a few precious seconds each time he traveled to another system. After enough hauler runs, he probably did save a fair amount of time. But his time would've been better served reading the Code. He lost this pod after losing a 6.2 billion isk jump freighter. It was triple-anti-tanked.

If you're a carebear and you're reading this for whatever reason, I want to give you a message of hope today. You don't need to be the "worse" carebear. You don't even need to be the "bad" one. You can be a Code-compliant citizen of highsec and a full member of the New Order family. Isn't that better than losing all your stuff out of pride and bot-aspirancy?

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #71

If you're driving down the road and you hear a loud whining sound, something may be wrong with your car. If you hear the same noise when you're playing EVE, something may be wrong with the miner you just ganked.

If you're requesting reimbursement on the grounds that you didn't violate the Code, it's best not to violate the Code. Paying me respect is as important as paying me 10 million isk. Think about it.

There are other "codes" out there in highsec, but there's a reason they never catch on. Only one Code is worthy of a capital "C".

According to an anonymous miner, the New Order isn't like the CIA of the early '70s or the late '70s, but specifically resembles the CIA of the mid-'70s. This is nonsense. The CIA has had its share of failures, but the Code always wins. And there's never any blowback.

"rimjob" is another one of those subject lines that rarely precedes a high-quality EVEmail.

Freddy Tilton claimed to see the New Order lose a battle once. The story didn't hold up to scrutiny. A report of a Code defeat is like a UFO sighting.

A better question might be, why wouldn't a gamer want spice in his game? People play games to have fun. Unless they're bot-aspirants, that is.

Tarquin Meza wouldn't pay for a mining permit because he was worried about what might come next, like having to pay for hauling, etc. Personally, I put little stock in slippery slope arguments. By the way, you need to buy a permit for hauling, etc.

Missions in 0.9 security systems are also subject to the Code. Yes, pretty much any use of highsec services requires a New Order permit. But that's only because our permits are so versatile--they cover everything!

Highsec miner Alex Taranogas denied being AFK. He said he hated AFK miners as much as we do. He's on our side, right? Was our Agent wrong to gank him? Well...

...It didn't take long for Alex to spill the beans. He was eating pizza instead of playing EVE. Permits and pepperoni: You can enjoy both, but dock up first.

I only wish Freud could have lived long enough to study the highsec miner.

Then again, sometimes a rhinoceros is just a rhinoceros.

According to the theme park crowd, EVE is dying because you "can't fly safe in this game". But isn't that the concept that brought EVE to life in the first place? It's like blaming death on being alive too much.

Among my favorite complaint lines is the "I used to support you" or "CODE used to mean something", etc. The complaint invariably comes from someone who never had a permit to begin with. I encourage all carebears to plan ahead. If you want to make that complaint in the future, you'd better establish your Code-compliance cred today!

Friday, January 23, 2015

The Women of the New Order 2015 Calendar

What do women want? For a time, CCP believed women simply wanted to walk in stations, or perhaps to play an MMO based on the "World of Darkness" franchise. The New Order knew better. In reality, the women of EVE have always desired exactly what you'd expect from reasonable people: Emergent gameplay, a proper risk/reward balance, PvP with consequences for both winners and losers, danger in every sector of the galaxy, and a system geared toward human interaction instead of AFK automation.

Also, the Code.

It's no surprise, then, that the women of EVE have flocked to the New Order, which does its utmost to promote their shared values. In celebration of this, Agent Kaely Tanniss has created something truly special...

This 2015 calendar highlights the women--or female avatars, at least--who help keep highsec Code-compliant. I can't do the artwork justice in this small space, so clicking on any of the images will send you to the Women of the New Order 2015 Calendar album on Imgur.

And what a calendar it is. Kaely has painstakingly crafted everything you could want from a New Order-themed calendar.

Note: For those who are unfamiliar with Imgur albums, you can mouseover the upper-right corner of an album's images to get the calendar pages in full resolution.

For each month of the year, you get pictures, quotes, and vital statistics on one of our finest Agents.

And, of course, you get more wisdom from the Saviour of Highsec!

Send your thanks and congratulations to Kaely Tanniss for this unique project. As always, you can find a permanent link to the calendar on our Links page, along with all other New Order artwork.