Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Legend of Katsu Hinken, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Tisiphone Dira offered mining permits for sale in Hek local, interrupting Katsu Hinken's questions about how to build ships. This sparked a feud between the two. Katsu was very upset, but eventually Tisiphone persuaded him to help gank a miner in a Hek asteroid belt. Then, at the critical moment, Katsu betrayed his gracious host.

Katsu's gank Maller opened fire on Tisiphone's scout alt, rather than the miner. Tisiphone couldn't believe the treachery. Katsu relished the prospect of getting revenge on the person who'd interrupted him in local.

Tisiphone's alt's shields melted in the face of the onslaught. Remember, Katsu's Maller dealt 14,900 damage per second. Tisiphone knew the math was against her. Only by absolute faith in the Code was she able to keep her resolve.

Incredibly, Katsu only got her down to half shields before CONCORD stepped in. Tisiphone's faith in the Code was rewarded with yet another victory.

Our Agent scolded the rebellious carebear for his lies and deception. Katsu had been given the perfect opportunity to gank a miner, but he'd thrown it all away in favor of a senseless defeat. What a pity.

There was no more point in keeping up the fa├žade. Katsu removed his mask and delivered a tirade against the Code. He was so caught up in the moment that he temporarily forgot that he'd just been defeated.

The logical thing would've been for Katsu to say "gf, I'll obey the Code now." Instead, Katsu made excuse after excuse.

Katsu sputtered nonsense about the tables being turned, or playing the hand you're dealt, or something like that.

Out of steam and out of Mallers, Katsu saw no more point in the convo. Tisiphone extended the hand of friendship again and instructed Katsu in the ways of the Code.

Katsu turned out to be a sore loser. Who would have guessed? There's so little sportsmanship among the carebears of highsec.

Tisiphone's victory in Hek was a decisive one. Our Agents' right to use local as a place to sell mining permits was upheld. Katsu's own ideology, fueled by conspiracy theories, rage, and poorly calculated DPS, was tested and proven bankrupt. Should CCP commemorate this battle by placing a monument to Tisiphone Dira in Hek? Yeah, they probably should.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Over Five Hundred Eleven Billion in Shares Sold

The New Order continues to experience a surge of popularity. The people of highsec are really beginning to perceive the benefits of our rule. The rebels and skeptics would be surprised, I think, by how many miners have gone over to our side lately.

Chuffy Bigbad identifies himself as a "rather new citizen", having only played a month. By embracing the Code, he's advanced light years beyond the typical carebear who mines for years and complains about losing a ship.

Chuffy's off to a great start: 1,500 shares purchased in highsec's best investment fund. We passed the 508 billion isk mark, and Chuffy earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

The mining permit business is booming. With the extra funds Agent Liek DarZ got from selling 100 permits, this generosity was bestowed: Selina Stormcrow received 1,315 shares and sent us over the the 509 and 510 billion isk marks. Selina's Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ will be a welcome gift, no doubt.

Highsec poet laureate Maria Malukker is taking a break from EVE. Nearly every EVE player does this. But the wonderful thing about New Order shares is that they allow a player's assets to be put to good use--even if a player quits forever or gets permabanned! Maria's 1,000 additional shares sent us over the 511 billion isk mark and earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.


Agent Arden Elenduil sent an unnamed alt to join a highsec PvE corp and found them buzzing with complaints about the New Order. Hint to carebears: Don't do this! Like the NSA, the New Order's Agents like to keep a finger on the pulse of the society they govern. Anti-Order speech is a violation of the Code, and it leaves your corp's assets at risk of confiscation.

The corporation's trust in Arden's alt was well placed. He took all their stuff, but he gave them a taste of the Code.

Roughly 14-15 billion isk worth of assets were confiscated during this audit. Between this and yesterday's Kills of the Week, it seems a lot of carebears are losing everything. What more can we do to make these people understand that, yes, the Code is a real thing and they need to follow it?

These carebears are such slaves of routine that they don't even notice when they're defeated. Bot-aspirancy--it's a killer.

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Legend of Katsu Hinken, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Tisiphone Dira was minding her own business, telling the highsec dwellers in Hek to buy permits. This infuriated Katsu Hinken, who was using Hek local to ask for ship-building advice. He convo'ed Tisiphone, threatening her, and warned of a Goon/PL anti-CODE alliance.

Katsu hinted at a conspiracy behind Burn Jita, but was not willing to give Tisiphone any details. Bot-aspirants are always looking for hidden motives behind Burn Jita, because they can't imagine an EVE player being motivated by anything other than money.

Tisiphone had doubts about Katsu's power and influence. His killboard was unimpressive. But that was exactly what Katsu wanted her to think. His killboard stats were intentionally skewed!

The two tried to find common ground. Katsu was willing to respect the Code, but not if it prevented him from asking questions in Hek local.

After a lengthy discussion about their respective values and beliefs, Tisiphone proposed that she teach Katsu how to enforce the Code.

But it was clear that there was a cultural divide. Happily, our Agents are excellent bridge-builders.

To the Knights of the Order, a ship is something to be used and, having fulfilled its unique purpose, sacrificed to CONCORD. To a carebear like Katsu, fitting an expensive ship is "a lifestyle".

Nevertheless, Katsu was willing to explore New Order culture. Rather than traveling all the way to Halaima, which would tempt Katsu to go AFK and autopilot, Tisiphone proposed the destruction of a miner--right there in Hek!

Was Katsu up to the task? It appeared so. He estimated his ship could do about 10,000 DPS.

Running the numbers, Katsu calculated a maximum DPS for his Maller of about 14,900. More than enough to kill an anti-tanked Retriever.

Tisiphone urged Katsu to hurry up and finish fitting his Maller before the Retriever pilot warped away. However, Katsu needed to make his gank ship cap-stable. With a minute and a half of capacitor, his 14.9K DPS Maller could inflict well over a million damage.

The Maller finally landed in the asteroid belt next to the Retriever and Tisiphone's scout alt. After a minor hiccup, Katsu was ready to unleash his firepower...

...But in a shocking twist, Katsu aimed his lasers at Tisiphone's scout instead of the miner! How would Agent Tisiphone Dira get out of this one? Was this the end of the New Order?

To be continued...

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Kills of the Week

We experience the world with five senses. What do those senses tell us about the New Order? The New Order looks cool. It sounds exciting. It feels good. It smells (obviously) like victory. And it tastes like... Well, I'm not sure we have a word yet for precisely how the New Order tastes. To summon the taste of the New Order in your mouth, consider these treats from the week of December 7th @ 00:00 EVEtime through December 13th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

If you're a rebel, all your highsec assets are forfeit. Blades of the Availment corp didn't see fit to avail themselves of the opportunity to buy mining permits, so their lost all their structures. Agents loyalanon, Sophia Soprano, and John E Normus popped this expensive Design Laboratory. The killmail doesn't look so expensive, but...

Inside were 8.3 billion isk worth of blueprints, just sitting there completely undefended. Luckily, these were recovered by our Agents and put to proper use. Now the assets of Blades of Availment will be used in service of the Code--which they should have been all along.

Drahir cooked up a fail-fit Raven and went AFK for 40 minutes on a stargate before he was eliminated by Agents Sophia Soprano, loyalanon, ELicken, Martyr Oira, and holdmybeer. Drahir's Raven was worth 6.7 billion isk. You see, the AFK Raven's cargo was filled with a sizable collection of blueprints. What's with all these carebears moving around blueprints these days? And going AFK with them?

Not to bury the lead or anything, but something really good happened in Hek this week.

Fleet commander loyalanon led our forces to victory once again. In the "Burn Hek" campaign, at least 44 freighters and 3 jump freighters were destroyed. It was a brilliant operation; the bot-aspirants of Hek were taken completely by surprise--even though probably all of them were quite familiar with the Code already.

machtnichts was one of the saddest cases. He had plenty of cash to buy a mining permit, but he decided to pretend the New Order doesn't exist. He lost everything.

Like some of the blueprint-heavy killmails we've been seeing lately, machnichts' freighter killmail on zKillboard went buggy, understating the quantity of some of the item stacks. An estimated 13 billion isk worth of cargo was destroyed.

...And that's not even counting machtnicht's 3.7 billion isk pod, which was also destroyed. The cost of rebellion is getting very high these days. Agents iZaEaRl, Jason Kusion, loyalanon, Jon Lucien, Aaaarrgg, Gallie Crendraven, Doomchinchilla, Xanicara, Rick Therapist, John E Normus, Tyson Litltntking, Koz Katral, Zombiepilot, Sly Ship, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Kahvegi, Chocolate Mooses, Lament von Gankenheim, BoneyTooth Thompkins, Bashi Dallocort, mark verschoos, Alex Calden, Gucci Ormand, Fabulous Andy, Zaand Schtvaal, Gohman Patrouette, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Brutal Anna, Krominal, and Stalker ofeveryone were the heroes of this fierce PvP engagement.

ole buzzard was two jumps away from Hek, but he caught the attention of our Agents. Poor ole buzzard couldn't resist the temptation to put some cargo-expanding mods and rigs on his Orca. He needed the extra space, because he was carrying every single thing he owned. The result was an 8.4 billion isk Orca killmail.

Agents loyalanon, Zaand Schtvaal, Fabulous Andy, Zombiepilot, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, BoneyTooth Thompkins, Kahvegi, Sasha Cohenberg, Nanny State, Jason Kusion, Tyson Litltntking, Aaaarrgg, Randy McSoggybotto, Gucci Ormand, Chocolate Mooses, holdmybeer, Quaker Oatmeal, Pootispencer, Lament von Gankenheim, aki stormrider, Buhbye Rollard, Creepy Balloon Sphincter, and Anal Thunder happily destroyed the Orca and collected 5.6 billion isk of loot.

Yesterday we heard the story of a guy who lost everything he had by going AFK in an anti-tanked Bestower. Between that kill, the 8.4 billion isk Orca, the machtnichts debacle, the blueprint-carrying Raven, and the undefended blueprint Design Laboratory, I wonder if we're entering the phase of this war where the carebears are setting themselves on fire like monks. How else to explain such bizarre, self-destructive behavior? Bot-aspirancy, I suppose.

Agent PV Rock killed the aforementioned Bestower pilot and disposed of his blueprints. PV also popped the pod of the week. Yes, this means machtnichts' 3.7 billion isk pod wasn't the most expensive one killed.

Nor was Patriarch Avtomat Kalashnikov's 4.56 billion isk pod.

How about Celeena Swan's 4.57 billion isk pod, also killed by PV Rock? Not quite.

There we go: Racro Arifistan's 5 billion isk pod, elegantly sniped by PV Rock's Thrasher. Agent D400 may be gone, but something of his spirit must be in the blood that runs through PV Rock's veins.

In short, a very costly week for the forces of carebearism and rebellion. None of these kills would have been necessary, if the bot-aspirants simply purchased a permit for 10 million isk, followed the Code, and pledged their loyalty to me. Had enough yet, carebears? Look at these killmails and tell me you don't get the taste of the New Order in your mouth.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Game Said So

Which side of a stargate is more dangerous: The side in highsec, or the side in lowsec? If you don't own a New Order permit and scrupulously obey the Code, the answer might surprise you. Just ask shawn feranizo.

Agents PV Rock and Arden Elenduil detected a sextuple anti-tanked industrial traveling through my territory. Unexpectedly, shawn feranizo's industrial ship veered from the typical trade route and parked itself at a stargate leading to lowsec. PV Rock, who was evading the faction police in his Thrasher, had to make a split-second decision. It was an easy choice to make: He trusted the Code and opened fire. Rather than jumping through the gate to lowsec, shawn tried to initiate warp and retreat further into the warm bosom of highsec. But he was already doomed.

The anti-tanked Bestower contained a vast library of blueprints. There were hundreds of blueprint copies, valued on zKillboard at 5.6 billion isk. The zKillboard mail was bugged; the ship also carried dozens of BPOs, none of which were listed there. Evepraisal, which lists all the copies and originals, was unable to set a value for most of the loot. One might estimate 10-20 billion isk for all the cargo. shawn's negligence was breathtaking.
PV Rock > o/
PV Rock > That really was a good runabout :)
PV Rock > Most excitement I've had in a while, how about you?
shawn feranizo > i will pay you 1 billion for it back
shawn feranizo > you can keep all the copies even the capitals
The carebear opened up a convo and begged for the return of the BPOs. He was willing to let PV keep the hundreds of capital blueprint copies, themselves worth billions of isk. Of course, what shawn was willing to let PV keep was irrelevant; our Agent could keep whatever he wanted.
PV Rock > Hmm.
PV Rock > Blueprints ARE hard to shift...
PV Rock > Still... I think you could make it 2b
shawn feranizo > 1 billion is all i have everything else was in those blueprints i will give you evrything in my wallet
PV Rock > Hmm surely you had more or you wouldn't be able to manufacture any of them
shawn feranizo > no that is it thats all i have
shawn feranizo > i will send you my api key if you want that is all i have
In exchange for the return of the BPOs, shawn would give PV Rock everything else he had, which was only the cash in his wallet, about 1 billion isk.
PV Rock > Well okay you know what, I had my excitement and a damn good kill, 1b I can live with, that's more than I normally get out of any kill
PV Rock > I hate selling blueprints anyway.
shawn feranizo > ok where would you like to meet
shawn feranizo > or do you want to contract them
PV Rock > Well I guess I could trade them
PV Rock > I'd prefer not to shift this stuff, see where that got you, haha
shawn feranizo > I was moving it to my corps base i didn't really have a choice
Our hero didn't bother with the API; he trusted shawn. He arranged to meet the carebear and trade the freight container of BPOs for the money.
shawn feranizo > ok i am there
PV Rock > Okay, just the originals
shawn feranizo > yes
PV Rock > Please put the billion in so I can verify the amount first thing
PV Rock > Thank you
PV Rock > Your bpos, sir
shawn feranizo > thank you you are a life saver
The trade only took a few seconds, and shawn went on his way, closing the convo.
PV Rock > Hi, back again so soon?
shawn feranizo > sieriously
shawn feranizo > seriously
shawn feranizo > like all that wasn't enough
shawn feranizo > all of thosecopies and billion isk wasn't enough
PV Rock > I actually didn't get the originals, they were destroyed in the wreck ;)
In fact, the trade wasn't quite what shawn expected. PV did give him all the BPOs he had from the wreck, which was zero. This wasn't his fault, but the Loot Fairy's. Fate had spoken against shawn and condemned him.
shawn feranizo > so you lied the whole time
shawn feranizo > and made me give you evrything i had
PV Rock > I only lied a little, I have a policy of keeping my lies to the minimum required by the situation
shawn feranizo > what by taking all i have saved up and worked for
PV Rock > Well the decision to let it go so easily was yours
shawn feranizo > i didn't have a choice you took it from me when you blew me up in high sec where i am supposed to be safe
shawn accepted no responsibility whatsoever for anything that had transpired. He didn't see anything wrong with putting all his possessions into an anti-tanked industrial ship and idling in highsec. He didn't care about the New Order or its Code. He saw no need to buy a mining permit or respect James 315's vision of highsec. Nor did he think he was to blame for making a ridiculous trade. Everything was someone else's fault. And highsec is "supposed to be safe".
PV Rock > Who said you're supposed to be safe in highsec? That man was a damned liar.
shawn feranizo > the game
There it was, the confession. shawn belonged to a generation of carebears that has grown up with the belief that highsec is intended to be 100% safe. They've taken that lesson from countless carebear apologists and the endless series of nerfs implemented by CCP to stop highsec aggression. "The game" says there's no danger in highsec.
PV Rock > No, I don't believe that it says anywhere in EVE that highsec is safe
PV Rock > In fact in CCP's own guides for new players it is made explicitly clear that no space is safe
shawn feranizo > so what is the point of the concord
shawn feranizo > to just sit around stations and gates with their dicks in their hands
PV Rock > CONCORD are there to punish, not the protect
shawn feranizo > and people are suppose to show compassion
PV Rock > I am, I'm explaining what you did wrong
Despite the wicked influences of highsec carebears who beg for One More Nerf™, highsec is not yet 100% safe. Not while the New Order still stands. Not while the Saviour of Highsec still speaks.
PV Rock > You were hauling very dangerously and... oh right, how did I forget to mention this!
PV Rock > You weren't following the New Halaima Code of Conduct
PV Rock >
PV Rock > By far the most helpful document, don't mind that new player FAQ
shawn feranizo > i wasn't a miner
PV Rock > The Code is not just for miners, it for all highsec residents
shawn feranizo > so you prey on the weak this is harassment
The heroic Agent tried to open shawn's eyes to the truth. shawn glanced at the Code, but wasn't yet persuaded. He was still thinking about his lost isk, instead of focusing on the treasure of wisdom he had right in front of him.
PV Rock > The strong preying on the weak is core EVE gameplay, and it takes place in all systems in New Eden
shawn feranizo > the weak allow you to prey because they build everything you use
shawn feranizo > and they don't get any gratitude for doing so
shawn feranizo > but just having a small portion of space where they are safe
shawn feranizo > can you at least find some kindness in your heart and at least give me back 500million or 250million
PV Rock > No, it is a greater kindness to let the lesson sting and teach you important facts about EVE
shawn feranizo > wow
shawn feranizo > just wow
shawn shrugged off the wisdom and asked for more money. It was the only thing in EVE he cared about.
PV Rock > All you had to do to live was take that lowsec gate once I opened fire
PV Rock > Yet you tried to warp instead, why was that?
shawn feranizo > i know but i also know because i live in the area that there is often a gate camp the reason I stopped at the gate
shawn feranizo > to ask my alliance members if it was safe
PV Rock > You had the choice of certain death or possible death and you chose certain death
shawn feranizo > i wasn't even paying attention until it was far to late
PV Rock > Really? I was quite sure you were well aware you were being followed. I suppoes I overestimated you
shawn feranizo > no most of the way i wasnt there just clicked warp and went and did something
With little prompting, the carebear made a full confession of guilt. Every single thing he owned in EVE had been packed into his tissue-tanked Bestower... And he didn't even bother to stay at his keyboard to watch it!
PV Rock > Look on the bright side, you have a clean slate now
shawn feranizo > well Fuck you and your stupid mustache i am out
Agent PV Rock

Poetically, the carebear corp that taught shawn all the wrong lessons is called Shifting Sands Trader Cartel. The Agent who taught him the right way to play the game is named PV Rock. Everyone who lives in highsec is forced to make the same decision: Will you build your future in EVE upon a foundation of Shifting Sands, or will you build it upon a Rock?

Friday, December 12, 2014

The Legend of Katsu Hinken, Part 1

In the dark ages, before the New Order, highsec was boring, predictable, and unchanging. Today, highsec is alive. One of the most important characteristics of living things is that they continually change. You might say that to be alive, is to change. A single event can result in a remarkable departure from one's previous course. So it is with highsec today.

Agent Tisiphone Dira was wandering through Hek and advertising mining permits in local. An industrialist named Katsu Hinken just happened to be in local at the same time, asking for advice on how to build ships. Theirs was a chance encounter. Yet it would change both their lives forever.

When Katsu's questions about ship building were interrupted by Tisiphone's advertisement, Katsu became extremely defensive. He attempted to erect a wall between himself and the Code.

Others in Hek local weren't impressed. It's hard out there for anti-Order rebels these days. Annoyed by the ridicule he received in local, Katsu invited Tisiphone to a private convo. He wanted to be absolutely certain she got the message about not interfering with his business.

Katsu meant business--and not the permit-purchasing kind, either. He reminded Agent Tisiphone of the New Order's recent defeat at the hands of the Goons. Wait, that's a thing that happened? I was just getting used to the idea that CODE. lost its nullsec territory in a war with TEST.

Tisiphone was surprised by Katsu's vindictiveness. All this because she interrupted his silly questions in Hek local? Though the situation with Katsu was serious, he gave her mixed signals. First he told her to worry about the possibility that she was messing with a powerful nullsec coalition leader. Then he told her not to worry about who he was and what he did.

Katsu dropped another bombshell: GoonSwarm and Pandemic Legion created a new coalition for the purpose of defeating CODE. Interesting. I really need to read EveNews24 more often; I hadn't heard about any of this stuff.

As an Agent of highsec's most powerful fighting force, Tisiphone had good reason to express her confidence. But Katsu had some inside information about an imminent awox attack against the New Order. Or at least there was probably a spy or two. Or not, who knows.

Tisiphone became increasingly confused. Katsu issued another dire warning: Stay away from my entity! But he refused to name the entity. Without more information, Tisiphone would need to stay out of everyone's way to avoid disturbing the secret entity. The New Order would be paralyzed.

To avoid drifting into a stalemate, or getting surrounded on all sides by entities, Tisiphone invited the carebear to embrace his individuality. Katsu didn't need to be another Miner Bingo stereotype. Tisiphone urged him to make an original threat.

Our heroine didn't know what she was in for. Katsu, the intrepid reporter who broke the news about the Goon/PL anti-CODE coalition, had some theories about Burn Jita. All Tisiphone wanted was to sell Katsu a mining permit. Instead, she found herself in the middle of a conspiracy--and targeted by a mysterious entity, one whose power brokers operated at a higher level than she could ever have imagined.

To be continued...