Friday, December 19, 2014

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #69

Carebears don't always say what they mean.

What Gascogne Reingau really means is that it's time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

IRL deadman, track on IP, cut throat all family..., I'm sure. Never get between a Russian miner and his ore.

Even a child in McDonald's, if he has a real gun, poses a serious threat. Unless you pay for a mining permit, that is.

We're still waiting on the extermination. I have a feeling we'll get the 10 million isk sooner.

Relaxing? Hardly. Miners don't enjoy mining; they mine in quiet desperation. Look at the evidence they leave behind.

"I wasn't AFK, I was just [AFK]." This miner said he would buy a permit, but only if it were an item he could purchase "from the office of a station." Bot-aspirants don't get the metagame.

If the New Order were to get its comeuppance when we least expected it, we'd be getting it all day, every day. Then again, maybe we are: Constant victories and success throughout highsec are exactly what we deserve.

The carebear is wrong, our Agents are as human as it gets. I only wish the carebears embraced humanity instead of machinery.

The MinerBumping channel is periodically screened for spies and other security threats. I don't know how someone like Ledrian Saisima gets caught up in such things, but occasionally he does.

For people who sit around doing nothing for hours at a time, miners can be surprisingly impatient. AleXandre Risalo had a question for Agent Reginald Poppycock and had such a desperate need for the answer that he repeated himself endlessly. On the other hand, maybe AleXandre's career as a miner conditioned him to do everything in a repetitive loop. People don't understand the toll that highsec mining takes.

On the other hand, even when a miner does get a prompt answer to his question, it doesn't mean he'll be satisfied.

Ever come across a carebear who's upset about the Code and you don't know why? Sometimes MinerBumping will provide a thorough explanation. Agent Quaker Oatmeal had a baffling encounter with Katsu Hinken. Thanks to The Legend of Katsu Hinken series, it all makes sense--to the extent a carebear can.

Now that Mezerak Erquilenne mentions it, I do feel education reform is important. And it begins in the asteroid belts and ice anomalies and trade routes of highsec.

Agent Rick Therapist put a stop to Ding Woot's bad behavior. As it happens, the miner has the GankingIsBullying blog linked in his bio. Would Ding really pay 10 million isk and follow the Code? It seems unlikely, but...

...the CODE always wins. Ding Woot gave Rick the entire contents of his wallet, just over 360 million isk. EVE isn't for everyone. If you must quit, do it the right way: Give all of your stuff to the person who ganked you.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Salah's Listening Tour, Part 1

There's nothing new about an organization seizing control of territory in EVE. In fact, it's the whole point of the game. What makes the New Order's conquest of highsec so unusual, is the motive. The New Order doesn't seek treasure. It doesn't covet power or glory, though it has those things in abudance. Nor does the New Order aim to impose its will on others (though our subjects' absolute obedience is required for practical reasons). Rather, the New Order is motivated by the desire to improve the lives and gameplay of everyone in highsec. The New Order is fueled by altruism.

Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri has a restless soul. He doesn't sit on the sidelines and watch carebears wallow in misery; he takes an active role. But Salah knows that even a skilled Agent such as himself has room for improvement. He can rule the carebears better. How? Salah embarked on a listening tour throughout New Order territory to get ideas and input directly from the carebears.

Again, pragmatism requires that the New Order kill miners. Salah knew his listening tour wouldn't be a success unless the carebears were willing to return to their keyboards and speak with him. So he enforced the Code, slaughtered their barges and exhumers, and sought feedback.

Even today, highsec mining permits remain a subject of some controversy. The truth is, there are always going to be those who complain about taxes, even when the tax rate is astonishingly low. Some people just don't want to pay their fair share.

A few carebears consider themselves to be in the mold of an American revolutionary: "Give me liberty or give me death," they say, dying. What the carebears forget is that the revolution already took place. We won. There's no tyranny to rebel against, now that the New Order is in power. Time to stop complaining about taxes. Time to start paying them.

Salah patiently listened as the carebears repeatedly suggested that the mining permit be abolished. A pipe dream. Mining permits will be abolished the day after mining itself is abolished.

Not every miner was willing to participate in a productive manner. This didn't discourage Salah, however. Response rates are an issue in every kind of study.

One of the more common complaints: The New Order's treatment of "new players". The idea that we target newbies has been debunked time and time again. Even with the most liberal definition of "new player", the charge simply doesn't hold water.

In reality, our Agents disproportionately come from the ranks of new players. Partly that's because we provide a welcoming environment. Another reason is because many players come to EVE specifically because they heard about the New Order and wanted to join us. As for the "new players" we gank, they tend to be several years old.

Wherever Salah went, crowds followed. People like paul22223 were so excited, they could barely contain themselves. It's a perk of being one of our Agents: Instant celebrity.

It's a testament to the character and integrity of our Agents that they don't let all the fame and power go to their heads. They're remarkably humble and restrained. No one mistakes this for weakness, however. Our Agents have gravitas.

Former barge owner Falcore62 took issue with Salah's treatment of him. Falcore62 claimed to be AFK only because he needed to answer his door. Salah gently called him out for being a liar. Yes, it's true: Carebears are accustomed to telling lies. Only with our help can they be made to tell the truth.

Falcore62 has spent "almost a decade" mining in highsec--though he'd probably call himself a new player if he saw an advantage in it. He considered himself Salah's new nemesis. Would Falcore62 put a stop to Agent Salah's listening tour, just when he was beginning to make real progress? Was this the beginning of the end of the New Order?

To be continued...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Legend of Katsu Hinken, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Tisiphone Dira offered mining permits for sale in Hek local, interrupting Katsu Hinken's questions about how to build ships. This sparked a feud between the two. Katsu was very upset, but eventually Tisiphone persuaded him to help gank a miner in a Hek asteroid belt. Then, at the critical moment, Katsu betrayed his gracious host.

Katsu's gank Maller opened fire on Tisiphone's scout alt, rather than the miner. Tisiphone couldn't believe the treachery. Katsu relished the prospect of getting revenge on the person who'd interrupted him in local.

Tisiphone's alt's shields melted in the face of the onslaught. Remember, Katsu's Maller dealt 14,900 damage per second. Tisiphone knew the math was against her. Only by absolute faith in the Code was she able to keep her resolve.

Incredibly, Katsu only got her down to half shields before CONCORD stepped in. Tisiphone's faith in the Code was rewarded with yet another victory.

Our Agent scolded the rebellious carebear for his lies and deception. Katsu had been given the perfect opportunity to gank a miner, but he'd thrown it all away in favor of a senseless defeat. What a pity.

There was no more point in keeping up the fa├žade. Katsu removed his mask and delivered a tirade against the Code. He was so caught up in the moment that he temporarily forgot that he'd just been defeated.

The logical thing would've been for Katsu to say "gf, I'll obey the Code now." Instead, Katsu made excuse after excuse.

Katsu sputtered nonsense about the tables being turned, or playing the hand you're dealt, or something like that.

Out of steam and out of Mallers, Katsu saw no more point in the convo. Tisiphone extended the hand of friendship again and instructed Katsu in the ways of the Code.

Katsu turned out to be a sore loser. Who would have guessed? There's so little sportsmanship among the carebears of highsec.

Tisiphone's victory in Hek was a decisive one. Our Agents' right to use local as a place to sell mining permits was upheld. Katsu's own ideology, fueled by conspiracy theories, rage, and poorly calculated DPS, was tested and proven bankrupt. Should CCP commemorate this battle by placing a monument to Tisiphone Dira in Hek? Yeah, they probably should.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Over Five Hundred Eleven Billion in Shares Sold

The New Order continues to experience a surge of popularity. The people of highsec are really beginning to perceive the benefits of our rule. The rebels and skeptics would be surprised, I think, by how many miners have gone over to our side lately.

Chuffy Bigbad identifies himself as a "rather new citizen", having only played a month. By embracing the Code, he's advanced light years beyond the typical carebear who mines for years and complains about losing a ship.

Chuffy's off to a great start: 1,500 shares purchased in highsec's best investment fund. We passed the 508 billion isk mark, and Chuffy earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

The mining permit business is booming. With the extra funds Agent Liek DarZ got from selling 100 permits, this generosity was bestowed: Selina Stormcrow received 1,315 shares and sent us over the the 509 and 510 billion isk marks. Selina's Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ will be a welcome gift, no doubt.

Highsec poet laureate Maria Malukker is taking a break from EVE. Nearly every EVE player does this. But the wonderful thing about New Order shares is that they allow a player's assets to be put to good use--even if a player quits forever or gets permabanned! Maria's 1,000 additional shares sent us over the 511 billion isk mark and earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.


Agent Arden Elenduil sent an unnamed alt to join a highsec PvE corp and found them buzzing with complaints about the New Order. Hint to carebears: Don't do this! Like the NSA, the New Order's Agents like to keep a finger on the pulse of the society they govern. Anti-Order speech is a violation of the Code, and it leaves your corp's assets at risk of confiscation.

The corporation's trust in Arden's alt was well placed. He took all their stuff, but he gave them a taste of the Code.

Roughly 14-15 billion isk worth of assets were confiscated during this audit. Between this and yesterday's Kills of the Week, it seems a lot of carebears are losing everything. What more can we do to make these people understand that, yes, the Code is a real thing and they need to follow it?

These carebears are such slaves of routine that they don't even notice when they're defeated. Bot-aspirancy--it's a killer.

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Legend of Katsu Hinken, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Tisiphone Dira was minding her own business, telling the highsec dwellers in Hek to buy permits. This infuriated Katsu Hinken, who was using Hek local to ask for ship-building advice. He convo'ed Tisiphone, threatening her, and warned of a Goon/PL anti-CODE alliance.

Katsu hinted at a conspiracy behind Burn Jita, but was not willing to give Tisiphone any details. Bot-aspirants are always looking for hidden motives behind Burn Jita, because they can't imagine an EVE player being motivated by anything other than money.

Tisiphone had doubts about Katsu's power and influence. His killboard was unimpressive. But that was exactly what Katsu wanted her to think. His killboard stats were intentionally skewed!

The two tried to find common ground. Katsu was willing to respect the Code, but not if it prevented him from asking questions in Hek local.

After a lengthy discussion about their respective values and beliefs, Tisiphone proposed that she teach Katsu how to enforce the Code.

But it was clear that there was a cultural divide. Happily, our Agents are excellent bridge-builders.

To the Knights of the Order, a ship is something to be used and, having fulfilled its unique purpose, sacrificed to CONCORD. To a carebear like Katsu, fitting an expensive ship is "a lifestyle".

Nevertheless, Katsu was willing to explore New Order culture. Rather than traveling all the way to Halaima, which would tempt Katsu to go AFK and autopilot, Tisiphone proposed the destruction of a miner--right there in Hek!

Was Katsu up to the task? It appeared so. He estimated his ship could do about 10,000 DPS.

Running the numbers, Katsu calculated a maximum DPS for his Maller of about 14,900. More than enough to kill an anti-tanked Retriever.

Tisiphone urged Katsu to hurry up and finish fitting his Maller before the Retriever pilot warped away. However, Katsu needed to make his gank ship cap-stable. With a minute and a half of capacitor, his 14.9K DPS Maller could inflict well over a million damage.

The Maller finally landed in the asteroid belt next to the Retriever and Tisiphone's scout alt. After a minor hiccup, Katsu was ready to unleash his firepower...

...But in a shocking twist, Katsu aimed his lasers at Tisiphone's scout instead of the miner! How would Agent Tisiphone Dira get out of this one? Was this the end of the New Order?

To be continued...