Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Bombshell, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bellatrix Invicta ganked Wayndre Anzari, who claimed to be a new player. A quick check of Wayndre's employment history revealed that he had over six years in the game. When challenged on this, Wayndre declared that the Code was invalid because the Saviour of Highsec was permabanned from EVE.

Our Agents typically shrug off claims that I'm banned from the game; carebears have been proclaiming my ban since the earliest days of the New Order. But this time was different: Wayndre had 14 different sources all reporting that I was banned. CCP developers themselves had also gone on the record confirming the ban.

Clearly, if 14 different sources all agree on something, there must be some truth to it. Bellatrix remained skeptical, however. After all, there's rarely any truth to what highsec miners say.

Wayndre produced his first source, an article from The Eve Onion--a satirical fake news site authored by Agent Tubrug1. Wayndre was off to a rocky start.

The miner's next source was from a Reddit post, which linked to an article I wrote for At the beginning of the article, I mentioned that I'd been wrongfully permabanned back in 2006, that I'd petitioned it, and that CCP lifted the ban after a week. The EVE subreddit inadvertently trolled itself by linking the article with an announcement that I'd been permabanned.

By now, Wayndre was getting desperate. His next "article" came from the EVE forums:

The EVE-O post was actually just a miner's rant that made no mention of any bans.

Upon inspection, Wayndre's fourteen sources turned out to be just three, none of which survived any scrutiny. Wayndre made a strategic withdrawal.

Earlier, Wayndre said that CCP made a public declaration of my ban and the reasons for it. That post never materialized. The miner wasn't interested in talking about the ban rumors anymore.

Faced with a non-banned organization led by a non-banned leader, Wayndre had no choice but to plead for mercy.

Bellatrix tried to reason with the miner and give him a way out. Unfortunately, the carebear only incriminated himself further.

Enough with the resistance nonsense. It was time for Wayndre to get right with the Code.

Bellatrix was baffled. Hadn't this miner just been talking about my alleged ban? In fact, Wayndre was being honest for the first time: He didn't know me at all. If he did, he would obey my Code.

Wayndre felt helpless. Agents of the New Order are too good at elite PvP. They're unbeatable.

Bellatrix offered Wayndre one final olive branch, but the miner turned up his nose and terminated the convo. In his last words, Wayndre threatened to report Bellatrix to CCP. Will she be banned? I guess we'l find out.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

The Bombshell, Part 1

Carebears believe battles are won with isk, skillpoints, and bling. Agents of the New Order know better. Bellatrix Invicta was deleted, but it didn't matter that her in-game character was gone. Her strength of character remained.

Bellatrix still had the Code, so she was able to pick up right where she left off. It was time for more elite PvP.

As Wayndre Anzari soon learned, Bellatrix was still a powerhouse on the field of battle. Wayndre's Venture--which was hanging out in Uedama of all places--went pop.

Several minutes later, Wayndre woke up and invited our Agent to a private conversation. He immediately began spouting the "new player" talking points that CCP apparently put in the tutorial.

Bellatrix was a newly rolled character, but she still remembered her training. As soon as Wayndre claimed to be a new player, she looked up his employment history. Wayndre joined EVE in January 2011. And even if he'd taken a break during that time, he most recently joined a corp in 2015. This wasn't some trial account left idle for six and a half years.

Our Agent called the miner out on his lies. Time for the carebear to come clean.

Wayndre barely noticed. He was still in the middle of a rant about his Venture.

Minutes had passed and Bellatrix still hadn't gotten her 10 million isk from Wayndre. The miner dug in and threatened to produce logs. Was he a space lawyer?

In theory, our Agents could send a termination notice before performing a gank, but AFK players rarely check their EVEmail anyway.

The "new player" finally starting coming up with excuses for his long employment history. He claimed he'd just come back from a 3-year break. Even if that were true, he still had three and a half more years unaccounted for.

Wayndre's last corp change was in 2015. Do miners not know that anyone can look up their employment history? It would explain a lot.

The miner went quiet for several minutes. When he returned, he dropped a heck of a bombshell on our Agent.

To be continued...

Monday, July 24, 2017

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned single-handedly shut down Mission Ready Mining's mining operations in the Gelhan system. Though MRM had over 2,400 members, they lacked discipline and the Code. Fortunately, however, they appeared to have a number of friends in various PvP alliances. One of these allies, Isabella Finn, coached the miners in MRM's private intel channel.

One of Kalorned's gank alts still had access to the MRM channel, despite having been outed as a spy the day before. Kalorned watched more news reports about himself.

The many watchful eyes of MRM and the experienced counsel of Isabella were no match for Kalorned, who continued to have free rein in Gelhan. His gank alts terminated one of MRM's more disgraceful Mackinaws.

Isabella was disgusted by the poor quality of the miners under her command. Maybe there was no helping these MRM carebears.

The death of the unfit Mackinaw sparked a lively debate in the MRM channel. Maybe empty mids and lows was the right strategy?

Isabella urged the miners to, in effect, obey the Code. Her advice was laughed off by the "no modules" advocate.

Defeatism set in. If an organization with more than two thousand members--plus allies--couldn't stop a single New Order Agent, perhaps the Code was indeed invincible after all.

Kalorned's gank alt with the intel channel invite, Keraina Talie-Kuo, chimed in with some friendly advice.
Van Fanalis > so many ships.....
Relna Vargach > not the best time to be hanging in space Van
Van Fanalis > lol. I came to watch
Archia Delante > best to do so at a distance
Relna Vargach > yeah..... not the best time for that. Gankers in system and all that
Most of the MRM members were in a state of extreme frustration. Others showed curiosity: Kalorned was the first interesting thing they'd seen in EVE.

After cautioning other MRM members to stay away, Relna Vargach decided to try a little PvP. He attacked Kalorned's suspect Orthrus and was killed instantly. Seeing the death of their champion, Mission Ready Mining had all but given up. Then another contender stepped into the ring:
Pheonix Jr > Kalorned do you do any actual pvp
Kalorned > Never
Pheonix Jr > with your kb i'm inclined to believe you're probably not talking shit when you say never
Pheonix Jr was not a member of MRM. He belonged to Vendetta Mercenary Group. This confirmed Kalorned's earlier suspicions that MRM was affiliated with a bunch of highsec mercenary outfits.
Pheonix Jr > you wont' even fight my sluggish brawling loki, In a kite boat
Pheonix Jr > what a fuckin vagina
Kalorned > Once you have proven your honor I will be happy to duel you anytime, anywhere, in any ship of your choosing
Pheonix Jr > That seems like a convenient excuse to always say no
Unable to defend themselves, MRM had called in the big guns. Pheonix urged Kalorned to engage in an honourable duel.
Kalorned > I must follow The Code friend
Kalorned > And The Code is very firm on the matter
Pheonix Jr > "when you join code and your ass starts to hurt from all the gay sex" - Kalorned 2017
Pheonix Jr > sound about right?
Like most highsec mercenaries, Pheonix felt that camping Jita entitled him to a certain level respect and admiration from other players. For some reason, Kalorned didn't seem very intimidated by him. Our Agent's commitment to the Code conflicted with Pheonix's own brand of e-bushido. Pheonix grew irritated.
Pheonix Jr > You want to be the cliche code RP tool
Pheonix Jr > like there isn't 5 dozen of you already, You're a dozen a penny
Kalorned > and here I thought I was special
Pheonix Jr > you're a prime example of why parent's shouldn't tell children they're special
Pheonix Jr > so kalorned, whats the largest dildo you can stick in your anus to date?
MRM's powerful friends had finally shown up. But would the Vendetta Mercenary Group warrior manage to defeat Kalorned, or would he simply cry about our Agent in local?

To be continued...

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Kills of the Week

Two questions came to my mind this weekend. The first: Is it possible to reconcile ruthlessly efficient, elite PvP with good, fair sportsmanship? In the New Order it is. The second question: Is it possible for a silly spaceship MMO to have justice of a more excellent quality than that found in real-life legal systems? With the Code, the answer to the second question is also yes. Everyone who got ganked in today's post got exactly what they deserved. From the week of July 16th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 22nd @ 23:59 EVEtime:

Krot Pioner was flying a special, limited-issue ship distributed by CCP to those who purchased tickets to Fanfest. Only a few dozen of them have ever been destroyed anywhere in EVE. This one went AFK and autopiloted through Uedama, where he was smashed by Agent Semtex Attor. I guess from now on Krot's lossmail will have to serve as his Fanfest souvenir.

In the mood for a good fish fry? XenoGod Xxhin was in Jita with an Orca packed with everything he owned in the game. The swollen 19 billion isk ship was captured by gankers boasting an incredible array of firepower--more than enough DPS to kill the Orca in a 0.9 security system. Agents James Poddington, Capt Starfox, Skiff Poddington, Mack Poddington, Trump The King, Lawrence Lawton, Australian Excellence, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Aruka, Hulk Poddington, Tax Collector Max, Alt Proxy, Sherri Rozei, Subotai Hyrkanian, Alt 00, Tawny Rozei, Ruby Rozei, Crom Cimmeria, Christine Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Lysergic Jackals, and Bob Pointer's accomplishment was memorialized in this photo taken by Alt 00:

Click here for the full-size version. It's true what they say: Gankers are artists; carebears are the canvas.

MinerBumping posts inspire EVE players to find emergent content that might otherwise go unnoticed. The ongoing "Code Ready Gelhan" series gave Agent Lawrence Lawton the idea to wardec Mission Ready Mining. The result was the execution of viduus Eto's capacitor-tanked Rattlesnake by Agents Skiff Poddington, Hulk Poddington, Mack Poddington, and Lawrence Lawton.

Gobowa made the mistake of bringing a 5 billion isk freighter into Uedama without so much as a mining permit or an explanation. That's a common mistake. What's unusual about this killmail is that the freighter was killed by a gank fleet consisting entirely of members of one corporation, the Gate Tax Collection Agency. Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Hill, Australian Excellence, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Richard, and Tax Collector HongMei did their corp proud with Taloses and stealth bombers--stunning!

Spacetruck doesn't read MinerBumping, so she didn't know an important truth about highsec life: If you equip ORE bling, you're gonna die. She went AFK in a 23 billion isk jump freighter anti-tanked with ORE cargo expanders. Her journey ended in Niarja, the graveyard of foolish carebears. Agents Lovchi, AndroGon Navy, Alarik Maleus, Votre Dieu, Nebo Blizko, Bastian Mart, Skyforus, Nam Plau, Rachel O'Conor, Narl' Amhar, KaMiKaDzExD, and Baboon Copper fired up a bunch of Taloses and won an extraordinary victory.

Over the past few years, our Agents have hunted expensive highsec pods almost to extinction. Krot Pioner managed to lose 1.5 billion isk in implants. If his name sounds familiar, it should: Krot's our buddy with the Fanfest ship. After losing his Pacifier, Krot floated in space for an additional 5 minutes of AFK bliss. Eventually, Agent Lagatha Rozei came along to remove him.

Krot had an ORE Mining Director Mindlink implant. His fate was sealed from the moment he plugged it in.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #136

We're saving highsec, and the signs of progress are everywhere:

You see that? They used to tell us to commit suicide or die of cancer. Looking at the sun is mild by comparison.

Welcome to the one hundred thirty-sixth edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag! I wasn't going to make an official welcome, but the world could use a little more ceremony, I think.

Yeah, I'm sure Mulder 666 only had pure thoughts before our Agent put that into his head by ganking his shuttle.

Our Agents give miners the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes there's no doubt.

Typically, an Agent gives a miner multiple occasions to redeem himself. The problem is that miners can also use those opportunities to dig an even deeper hole.

I guess you could say giving someone a second chance (or a third or fourth or fifth) is a high-risk, high-reward proposition.

The carebears insist that we're scum with no PvP ability, but they keep losing tens of trillions of isk to us. They must be exceptionally bad at PvP--or elite PvP, at least.

If Hunter Acosta spent more time reading "all the CODE stuff" and less time writing up elaborate reimbursement requests, maybe he wouldn't lose so much stuff.

Miners love to complain about me and my organization. But the real source of their problems is the disorganization and bot-aspirancy in highsec. Why don't the miners ever protest that?

This is a question we get all the time from greedy miners who lack faith in the Code. The answer is very simple, though...

Please don't interrupt me.

If being the single most relevant player in EVE Online counts as "active", then sure.

John Amachase complains that he gets "only" two hours to play EVE every day. That's so typical of the carebear mindset. Give an Agent of the New Order two hours and he'll change the world.