Thursday, April 17, 2014

Cheerful Compliance

Everyone loves a happy miner. And as every highsec miner learns sooner or later, you can't be a happy miner for very long without a permit. Agent Kalorned sent Agent Ophidia Black a follow-up report after she visited Kalorned in the Gamis system. He gave us a behind-the-scenes look at how the SevenDragons corporation became Code-compliant.


As usual, Kalorned outmaneuvered his opponent, who had no choice but to admit defeat.


SevenDragons corp is very professional, as seen in this image from the SevenDragons website. It almost makes you think highsec miners do something. The CEO of SevenDragons, Joshen Legate'Amarr, was also very professional. Having realized that there was no sense in fighting the New Order, he was thrilled to speak with Kalorned about buying a permit:


When a carebear sighs like that, it means their happiness is about to increase.


Joshen was an odd duck. He knew he needed to follow the Code, but he wasn't cheerful about it. He sounded like a rebel. Would he really pay?


The only reason Joshen wanted to get his corp Code-compliant was for the sake of his "investors". As someone who tends to the needs of more than 700 shareholders, I can relate. My investors never suffer, though.


Joshen had "very powerful" friends who did PvP. Naturally, they wouldn't protect him from the New Order. He said "very powerful", not "omnipotent".


Kalorned and Joshen negotiated an arrangement for the whole corp to buy permits. Does this compromise the Code, which demands 10 million per miner? Not at all. In time, everything works out. SevenDragons is now down to 8 members, and Joshen paid 110 million. So he actually spent more than 10 million per miner.


Old habits die hard. Joshen still didn't like the New Order for some reason. At any moment, Kalorned might revoke his permits for Code violations.


Like everyone else in highsec, Joshen had already read the Code. He didn't fully absorb it, but at least he didn't pretend not to be familiar with its terms.


For some reason, Joshen wanted to transfer the isk through a station trade window, rather than just sending the money. Kalorned graciously agreed to visit him at a nearby station.


Carebears lie to everyone, even themselves. Joshen thought he could hold onto his dignity by sending the money from his personal wallet, rather than the corp wallet.


The deal was done. You don't have to like the New Order, but you do have to obey it. On the other hand, disliking the New Order is usually a Code violation, if it manifests itself in a tangible way. Thoughts are considered tangible.


I'm convinced that if Joshen had joined the New Order family in spirit, rather than simply by the letter of the law, he would have enjoyed greater success. His under-the-table purchase of mining permits for his corp, along with his disrespectful attitude, doomed him. Rather than growing, his corp lost half its membership. With ThreeAndAHalfDragons only running at half-strength, I wonder how many "very powerful PvP corporations" ran out of ore? After all, without miners, we wouldn't have any ships! ...Right?

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Highsec for One


Just another day in highsec. Agent handypantz discovered a miner taking the gamble of a lifetime, mining without a permit in highsec--in an untanked Hulk.


Then, an hour later, another miner down. There was no connection between the two miners. Or was there?


handypantz heard nothing from the dead miners. Suddenly, more than half a day later, one of them reacted. I've heard of people going AFK and returning to a dead mining barge, but this is ridiculous. AFK for at least fifteen hours? How can a carebear expect to grind isk while being AFK for fifteen hours? Ah, that's right--they make bot macros for that.


Then, a few minutes later, the other miner also chimed in, using similar insults. Either those two miners were sharing a lot of quality time together IRL, or they were alts of the same botter.


Agent handypantz followed-up with the angry miner(s). Instead of trading insults, he gave them an incredible opportunity for mutually beneficial commerce. What a guy.


Carebears are not like normal people. They don't think like us. In fact, they sometimes think in reverse. Frost Zero conceded that he and his alts lost 350 million isk. The permit was only 10 million. Normal people would say, "I should spend the 10 million." The carebear reached the opposite conclusion, apparently finding it to be a hilariously bad deal.

As for the Russian remark, Google says:

"I will say in Russian - Fuck pidaras!"

This is unsatisfying. What's a pidara? When Google fails, UrbanDictionary.com comes to the rescue:


Now we know. You learn something new in highsec every day. Nevertheless, I won't be buying any "pidaras" mugs or shirts any time soon.


handypantz is an Agent of the New Order. He is a representative of the government of highsec, as well as a representative of normal people. He explained the economically rational conclusion that Frost Zero would've reached, if not for his bot-aspirancy.


With the basic math having been done for him, Frost Zero needed to come up with some alternative reason not to do the right thing. The answer: "Principle". For a botter, Frost Zero had high moral standards for the people he was willing to pay isk.


"HiSek for all" indeed. If everyone goes AFK for fifteen-hour stretches, and nobody's actually playing the game, wouldn't that be "HiSek for none"? Allow me to suggest an alternative: Highsec for one. One Order, one Code, one Saviour of Highsec. One people, united in their common mission.

Two days later, another miner:


Just another day in highsec. An Agent's work is never done.

Over Three Hundred Seven Billion in Shares Sold

Actions speak louder than words, they say. If so, the New Order's Agents are absolutely deafening.


Inspired by what he saw and/or heard, Mr Trust put down the cash for 3,000 shares. This sent us screaming past the 305, 306, and 307 billion marks. Mr Trust, who clearly knows in whom to put his trust, earns a Triple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Citizens of highsec, are you putting your trust in the right people? Give your money to the New Order and you'll be able to answer that question with a big "YES".

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Who You Gonna Call? Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec "mercenary" Taylor Who was mining ice in a Retriever when he was ganked by Agent Nu'adu. Taylor was too upset to listen to Nu'adu's lesson about the Code. Instead, Taylor escalated his complaint by demanding to speak to someone with the New Order's complaint department. Agent Pestario Vargas was on duty.


The concept of speaking to someone from the "complaint desk" had a calming effect on Taylor. He stowed away his profanity for the time being. However, Taylor's version of events was "Ripardized": He left out the part where he was mining without a permit and being disrespectful to an Agent. This is why, when we want the whole truth, we listen to MinerBumping and not carebears or their enablers.


Uh oh... I feel a flashback coming on...


MINERBUMPING FLAAAAAAAAASHBAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK...


Pestario politely listened to Taylor's story. Then he gently pointed out that Nu'adu has a sterling reputation. Taylor immediately feared the outcome of his petition. What if the logs didn't show anything?


In search of evidence, Pestario requested the killmail. Nu'adu didn't hesitate to produce it--yet another sign of his innocence.


This is why I love having Agents. They're so good at what they do. Pestario put on his deerstalker and carefully examined the killmail.


Check the timestamps. Pestario instantly spotted something wrong. Caught by surprise, Taylor incriminated himself. He didn't have time to make up a story.


The noose was tightening. Not in a suicidal, EULA-violating kind of way, but in a clue-hunting way. The investigation shifted away from the ganker. Nu'adu was just a red herring in this mystery. Now Pestario focused his attention on Taylor Who. Could the petitioner--the very person who brought the case to light--be the one who was guilty?


Taylor began grasping at straws and returned to his "real man" defense. It's interesting to note that even though Taylor was genuinely a new player, he still felt the need to exaggerate how new he was. He'd been playing for a bit less than a month, not a week and a half. Is this a thing now, where carebears all lie about their age to seem younger than they are? Such vanity.


It doesn't take a new carebear long to be indoctrinated with the great myths of EVE. Taylor had never graced a nullsec stargate with his presence, yet he already bought into the myth that territorial control is all about in-game sovereignty.


Taylor was satisfied when Pestario told him he would forward the matter to his captain. But when Pestario gave a 48 hour timetable, Taylor immediately changed his outlook. In less than a minute, he lost his faith in Pestario.


Like the loser of a Bonus Round, the ice-mining mercenary became a defeatist in his own cause.


With no more faith left in the complaint department, Taylor uncorked the bottle on his profane vocabulary. A carebear's mask, no matter how carefully crafted, will always fall away, eventually, from his bot-aspirant face. His guard down, Taylor dropped the other shoe:


There it was. Taylor Who--the new player who had never heard about the New Order or the Code or Agents or James 315 or tank modules or any of it--showed his true colors. He admitted he'd heard about the New Order. What he heard wasn't flattering or true, but he had heard of us. Even the new miners know about the Code. The New Order's presence is too big to ignore, even for a bot-aspirant. They don't need a "warning" before they get ganked. They've already been warned. Carebears of highsec, the time for warnings is over. The time for payment has come.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Who You Gonna Call? Part 1

Highsec can be a chaotic place. No matter how much someone may wish to be a "solo" player, EVE is an MMO. Players interact with each other. Sometimes, unfortunate things happen, somebody's gotta deal with it, and you who gonna call?


Emergent gameplay happened to Taylor Who, a Retriever pilot who was mining ice without a permit in New Order territory. When his barge exploded, he convo'ed the ganker, Agent Nu'adu.


Taylor wanted answers. He came to the right person. Nu'adu is one of our most experienced Agents. He knows the ins and outs of highsec, and was intimately familiar with the reasons why Taylor's ship exploded.


...that would be the sound of a carebear losing an argument. If you claim there's no law in highsec, and someone links you a website with a bunch of highsec laws--what other comeback can you have besides "wtf man"?


Taylor Who claimed to be new. That's great. The New Order loves new players. We even have the word "new" in our name. But Taylor wasn't exactly making a great first impression with his illegal mining and "choke on a dick and die" comments. Still, you know me--whenever someone says they're a new player, I always have to look them up.


Taylor's story checked out. He'd only been playing the game a bit less than a month before he lost his first barge. Granted, I lost my first ratting ship in lowsec within my first week of playing. Still, at least Taylor wasn't a 2009 character or something claiming to be brand-new. While perusing Taylor's profile, I noticed something odd. He was in a mercenary corporation. His title was "Merc". What kind of mercenary spends his time mining ice in highsec?


The corp in question was the Grey Wolves Mercenary Corporation. The description said precious little about the mercenary services they provide, but it went into great detail about what a "wolve" is. A "true Wolve is imbued with Strength, Honor, Wisdom, Loyalty, and Courage." Sounds like the description of a New Order Agent. However, the corp description claimed that they were combat medics, support fleets, and supply chains. So... They're carebears who call themselves mercenaries?


The founder of Grey Wolves Mercenary Corporation is Niles Grey, whose bio helpfully includes the number for an American suicide prevention hotline. Is that because his mercenaries drive their enemies to suicide, or because his corp members get so upset when they lose a mining barge?


Taylor is one of those highsec miners who claims to be something other than a miner. The manner in which he speaks gives him away.


Taylor hadn't made use of his corp founder's preferred suicide prevention hotline. He had convo'ed the Agent who killed him. Now Agent Nu'adu presented him with another option: To contact the New Order Complaints Department.


The foul-mouthed carebear jumped at the chance to file a complaint about abusive activity. Was he going to report himself?


Taylor was in luck. Agent Pestario Vargas was manning the complaint desk that evening. If anyone was going to give Taylor a fair shake, it was Pestario, a man who loves the New Order and guards its reputation jealously. When it comes to Code enforcement, he makes sure every "t" is crossed and every "i" dotted. One way or another, justice would be done this day.

To be continued...