Monday, March 2, 2015

The Strange Case of Dr. Compliant and Mr. Bot-Aspirant, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Mildron Klinker easily sold a mining permit to Doctor Schutz. The experience of being ganked by Mildron had won Doctor Schutz over to our side. The gallant miner even voluntarily revealed the name of his alt and purchased a permit for him, too. Everything was going great until Mildron paid a surprise visit to Doctor Schutz, who refused to respond in local for several minutes. Mildron had no choice but to gank him once more, after which Doctor Schutz's personality unwent a most disturbing transformation.

Could this docile, permit-carrying miner really be the same guy who told Agent Mildron to "go choke on a cock"? It was hard to believe. Mildron had to see it with his own eyes, so he convo'ed the miner.
Mildron Klinker > o/
Doctor Schutz > Go fuck yourself
Doctor Schutz > 30 fucking second response time
Doctor Schutz > fuck yourself backwards troll
Seeing it for himself, our hero couldn't deny the terrible truth. He could only ask why.
Mildron Klinker > what went wrong here? you didn't follow the CODE.
Doctor Schutz > I was chatting with my cousin you prick
Doctor Schutz > you could have easily messaged me
Doctor Schutz > fuck you
It was as if some malevolent force had taken hold of Doctor Schutz and moved him about the asteroid belts like a puppet. (Until Mildron podded him, that is. Afterward Schutz could only move about the insides of a station.)
Mildron Klinker > sure, dock up when you do that, did you read
Doctor Schutz > go fuck yourself dishonorable fuck
Doctor Schutz > fuck offf
Doctor Schutz > with your worthless corp and your worthless life
Every Gallant knows that while mining, you're supposed to pay attention to local. Corp chat is a privilege reserved for those who are not actively engaged in PvE. Or, at a minimum, one should keep the local window visible while using other chat channels. Doctor Schutz didn't care. Maybe he wasn't a Gallant? He sure didn't sound like one.
Mildron Klinker > i can't help you don't follow the CODE as you stated you would!
Doctor Schutz > no, you are not a civilized humn=an being. You are worthless. Worthless. I will speak to you as I speak to an anal wart.
Doctor Schutz > Now, go gank others with your worthless code of conduct
Doctor Schutz > and your worthless life
Only a few days before, the good Doctor was happily buying permits and pledging loyalty to the Code in his bio. Today, he was a monster.
Mildron Klinker > eahm, if you say you would do something, would you do that something?
Doctor Schutz > i paid you for the fucking license - i deserved to be messaged
Doctor Schutz > not to be scammed into a 30 sec window of respinse time
Doctor Schutz > go fuck yourself
Doctor Schutz > you took everything i had a second time
The miner fumed and raged. He'd lost everything he owned. Without the mining barge, he had no more EVE assets whatsoever. Perhaps this is what happens to any miner who tastes poverty? Mildron refused to accept it.
Mildron Klinker > i was messaging you in local! i didn't give you 30 seconds, even more than a minute, no response!
Doctor Schutz > I WAS IN CORP CHANNEL!
Doctor Schutz > Now, once again, i have to scrape everything i have to get a mining ship again
Doctor Schutz > ill just quit, and suggest to all my friends never to try he game
Doctor Schutz > thats more damaging to you than anything
Doctor Schutz > because pricks like you make this game worthless
It was official: Doctor Schutz was a Goofus. He threatened to quit the game and reduce CCP's subscription revenues. Which apparently everyone cares about now.
Mildron Klinker > i can't help that, if you have read the CODE you would have known that you should respond to an Agent if he demands it!
Mildron Klinker > i can't help that you need more guidance to this game, i would suggest WOW for you.....
Doctor Schutz > there we go
Doctor Schutz > that should help you along
Doctor Schutz > enjoy the bounty
It was bizarre. The miner truly had taken leave of his senses. But there was another mystery...

The miner claimed to have absolutely no EVE assets. He said there was no more point in playing the game; he would have to start over. Yet he was able to put a 100 million isk bounty on Agent Mildron.
Doctor Schutz > hhahahaha the truth is - i have tons of money - because i have a life , and ISK is worthless, and unlimited for me
Mildron Klinker > did you check my current bounty ?
Doctor Schutz > i did, 100mil more added to it
Doctor Schutz > =)
Mildron Klinker > thanks, i will enjoy the ISK, but the 10 million was good enough... you should just follow the CODE, that's all and it wouldn't cost you any ISK more
Doctor Schutz, who had been ganked while mining in a Retriever and even a Venture, had plenty of money to throw around on bounties. The miner cackled with glee and fully gave himself to the madness within.
Doctor Schutz > sub-humans, like yourself Mildron, deserve to have sub-par lives. which is why you live by a game, a game clan, a game clans Code...ROFL.....
Doctor Schutz > now, Mildron, go away, and continue to contribute nothing to the planet
Mildron Klinker > we live by the CODE. You should have done that too
Mildron Klinker > such a shame, i was hoping you where on the right path...
Doctor Schutz > Of psychopathy? No thx
Doctor Schutz > Scuddle of now Mildron
Mildron Klinker > this is James 315 territory, if you want to move, you are free to go to lowsec or nullsec
Witnessing such a spectacle, Mildron could only hope that there was a cure to be found.

Meanwhile, Doctor Schutz's alt complained in local.

Highsec is full of wonders. Our Agents don't claim to know or understand everything, just most things. We're working on the rest. Until the day of final victory arrives, the New Order's spirit of adventure will see it through. There's no problem in highsec we can't solve.

Top Supporters for February 2015

Each month, MinerBumping immortalizes its top isk contributors in a hall of fame post. The "Month's Top Supporters" sidebar will begin showing the current month's supporters in a few days. You can view the August 2012, September, October, November, December, January 2013, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January 2014, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, and January 2015 top 10 lists at the appropriate links.

Here are our top isk contributors for February 2015:

February 2015

#1. karma balancer
1,000,000,000 isk

#2. Women of the New Order Calendar
500,000,000 isk

#3. Scharf Uisen
200,000,000 isk

#4. Hrothgar Nilsson
101,000,000 isk

#5. Bomba YaKunta
100,000,000 isk

#5. Damian Baelish
100,000,000 isk

#5. Frank Zweistein
100,000,000 isk

#5. Ned Thomas
100,000,000 isk

#5. Sasha Nyemtsov
100,000,000 isk

#5. Sir Gill Bates
100,000,000 isk

This month was a wild one. So many bot-aspirants lost their stuff. That's good news for everyone who cares about highsec. Despite tens of billions of isk being spent on gank ships, everyone got reimbursed. To those who contributed to the Treasury, I speak for all EVE players when I say "thanks".

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Kills of the Week

EVE Online is a sandbox game. Specifically, it's a competitive PvP sandbox game. Like all sandboxes, there are boundaries: The game mechanics, the EULA, the Code, etc. But the game is largely defined by the people who choose to play it. In other words, we make the rules. As such, the way to "learn" the rules of EVE is by engaging with other players. Consider these kills from the week of February 22nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through February 28th @ 23:59 EVEtime. Each kill is the manifestation of one player teaching a lesson to another player about how EVE is meant to be played.

X-FEANOR is one of highsec's most troubled pupils. Check his record; he's really struggling. X-FEANOR lost a 10 billion isk pod to our Agents not once but twice, along with several freighters. And he still yearns to be taught. Here, Agents Globby, deathtron, Sasha Cohenberg, Sipphakta en Gravonere, Lisa Tears, Matou83, dude there's my-pod, PuffPuff Passitleft, Sinigr Shadowsong, Kachiko Sama, Mildron Klinker, Weynard, GALLENTE CITIZEN 17090130, BAE B BLUE, Denavit, Eure Dincigkeit, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, rob Kavees, Ghuleh Idolatrine, and Hek Arbosa destroyed another of his expensive freighters.

And ol' X-FEANOR is still up to his old tricks--or maybe even worse tricks. One never knows how long it will take a carebear to learn his lesson, but one thing is certain: X-FEANOR is always good for a nice, expensive killmail. If you're looking for someone to put on your watchlist, this carebear comes highly recommended.

According to Angus200's bio, he is a "pedofile in a playground". Maybe that's just a joke, and I have no problem with people putting a joke or two in their bio. But what's interesting about Angus200's bio is that he gives all this space to jokes, but won't spare a line or two to praise me, link the Code, or something else that's positive. You really have to wonder about the motivations of a player like that. Is he in it for the community, or only for himself?

Based on the carebear's bio, Agents Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, Chocolate Mooses, Mildron Klinker, Jason Kusion, Braegnok, Aaaarrgg, Dirk Magnum, The Occidental, deathtron, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Lament von Gankenheim, PI Slave 004, BAE B BLUE, Samsa, Ghuleh Idolatrine, and Hek Arbosa assembled to destroy his Orca. It contained a Hulk, but no longer.

What do you know--another pilot in highsec was sporting an offensive bio this week! Nyar DarkFire's bio contained statements at least as provocative as calling one's self a pedophile. He was doomed before he left the station.

Nyar's Orthrus was worth 430 million isk, a tidy sum for a self-described new player. Agent Piz Caldera kept a close eye on this individual. When the time was right, he struck. Remember, miners: You can mine wherever you want in lowsec, but if you choose to mine in highsec, it's on my terms.

Now let's have a look at some pods. Jaffar Aqueen had a billion isk of implants hidden in his pod, which was spat out by his dead freighter. Agent Aaaarrgg snapped up the pod. There were many more expensive pods killed this week. Why was this one special?

Because it was Aaaarrgg's 5,000th podkill. No typo; he's killed five thousand of them. Consider how easy it is to escape with a pod in highsec (spam "warp"). That should tell you how much bot-aspirancy is out there.

Ixidor Zorander lost 4.1 billion isk worth of implants when Agent Haleuth caught him on a stargate. It's an impressive killmail. Still, it's the most common way an expensive pod is located and destroyed. Which brings us to this...

Malikai Hephote lost a staggering 5.5 billion isk pod to Agent Reginald Poppycock. Malikai was AFK at the time. But to understand the depths of Malikai's bot-aspirancy, we must look at the ship he was holding the pod within. Was it a shuttle? An orca? An anti-tanked freighter?

No. It was this. He needed 5.5 billion isk in implants to pilot this Retriever. There are no words.

The next time some libertine carebear goes on a rant about the "sandbox", point him to kills like these. There is a right way and a wrong way to play EVE. Would you like to know more? Download your own copy of the Code for free today.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #73

A tip for all you carebears out there who dream of one day sending an EVEmail directly to the Saviour of Highsec...

...Never ask a question that you don't want to hear the answer to.

Day by day, the New Order is radically transforming the landscape of highsec. Skeptics scoff when I say this, but consider the above chat, taken from the Anti-Ganking channel. The advice they give almost sounds like--dare I say it?--they're teaching their fellow carebears to obey the Code.

The New Order only ganks newbies, some say. Nope. The risk/reward imbalance has led to highsec mining by people who have played EVE since the beta!

Caution! If you're an EVE rock star and someone flatters you, they probably want something...

No matter. I always give the people what they want. I'm very accessible, like a real person.

Or if they don't want something, they're probably being sarcastic.

Rebel leader Held der Finsternis contacted the recipient of a recent gank. Yet more evidence that suicide ganking helps get people involved with the social aspects of EVE, thereby improving player retention.

On the other hand, a quitter is a quitter. If someone quits the game after being ganked, they were going to quit anyway. The New Order simply ganks so many people that we're bound to hit a few who were on their way out.

Sarah Sallienmall was very upset about being ganked, but only because she felt her ganker should "have a better reason" for it. Seriously? The Code opens with the line, "There's no denying it, mankind can only reach its full potential through the creation of a civilization." You want a better reason for suicide ganking than that? Sarah may be expecting too much from this game mechanic.

The advice I gave earlier about not asking questions if you don't want the answer--that applies to Agents, too.

Luckily, Agent Reginald Poppycock had things well in hand. Another potentially volatile situation defused by New Order class and sophistication.

One day, the local chat in every highsec system will look like this. What a brilliant future we all have to look forward to!

Friday, February 27, 2015

The Strange Case of Dr. Compliant and Mr. Bot-Aspirant, Part 1

Mining permits are a hot-ticket item these days. Highsec is swarming with New Order Agents on the constant lookout for Code violations. Who wouldn't want to buy safety for their mining equipment--especially at such low, low prices?

A fellow named Doctor Schutz was mining away in the Leremblompes system with a fail-fit Venture. Agent Mildron Klinker is a pillar of the Leremblompes community, so he took it upon himself to put a stop the dastardly deed.

Our Agents see everything. In fact, Mildron had already been keeping a close watch on Doctor Schutz. Two days earlier, the good Doctor purchased a Covetor--from none other than Mildron Klinker. So after the Venture was destroyed, Mildron knew there was still an unlicensed Covetor unaccounted for. He swore he'd find it.

Several days later, he did. Doctor Schutz's fail-fit Covetor was brought to justice.

The Code is an acquired taste. Some miners become interested in the Code after they lose one mining ship. Other miners need multiple lessons. Having lost two mining vessels to the same Agent, Doctor Schutz was ready to talk.

It's like I always say: If you want to strike up a conversation with a silent carebear, suicide ganks are a great ice-breaker.

Unable to deny the importance of a mining permit, Doctor Schutz sent in the 10 million isk he owed.

At last, the miner was on the winning team. Mildron couldn't have been happier for him.

In no time at all, the newly compliant miner was reaping the benefits of New Order citizenship.

The Doctor's alt repaid Mildron's kindness by purchasing a mining permit. Excellent! Nevertheless, the Code isn't some scam that extorts 10 million isk from the miners; it demands so much more. To ensure that Doctor Schutz was fully committed to his new path, Mildron decided to make a surprise visit to Leremblompes.

The visit was supposed to be a fun little reunion, but it turned into a nightmare. Everything was as Mildron feared: Doctor Schutz and his alt were both mining AFK. As the minutes ticked by, Mildron hoped against hope that Doctor Schutz would respond in local. But he didn't.

Nearly 10 minutes after he was greeted in local, the silent pilot of a fail-fit Retriever was ganked.

Doctor Schutz finally returned to his keyboard, explaining away his absence by saying he'd been in corp chat. Then he sent Mildron a dreadful EVEmail. Was this an aberration, or a sign of things to come?

It was like Doctor Schutz was a completely different person. All traces of the permit owner Mildron once knew were gone. The spirit of compliance no longer flickered in the Doctor's eyes. In its place: Bot-aspirancy.

To be continued...