Monday, October 20, 2014

The Martyrs of Highsec #4

If you have been paying close attention to highsec over the last several weeks, you've probably picked up on two important things. First, the New Order, CODEdot, and the Code are still here. Second, a lot of bot-aspirant carebears are dying--more than ever before, in fact. This flies in the face of all the propaganda that was being spouted by our enemies. They insisted the end of the New Order was right around the corner. How could they have gotten it so wrong? They're anti-Order rebels; they're always wrong. And the CODE always wins. Also, this:

The victims of September 10th may be gone in one sense, but they remain with us in another, more important, sense. They are the fire in our hearts.

People from all walks of life were banned during the 9/10 attacks. No class or profession was spared. Some, like Agent Sophaya Fortelleren, were writers and philosophers. You might recall Sophaya was the author of such fine New Order literature as "The First Apology: Kindness" (featuring a torture-free SoundCloud audio recording performed by Sasha Nyemtsov!) and "The Book of 315".

Some of the fallen were doughty gankers from hardscrabble backgrounds like Agent Luck Of-The-Irish. Like so many others, he came to the New Order looking for a better life. He found it. Luck Of-The-Irish didn't wait around for a handout in Jita. He knew that things of value only come from hard work. He put in the time and the effort, and the violence. People like Luck Of-The-Irish built modern highsec.

Not everyone who was banned on 9/10 made waves. Bob Starseeker was a silent supporter of the New Order. He preferred to idle silently in the in-game channels. Some might say he was only exercising his freedom of speech, or lack of speech. Yet he, too, somehow ended up on a watchlist of some kind. That was all it took. No accusation, no evidence, no trial, no explanation. Somebody pressed a button on a computer thousands of miles away, and Bob vanished, never to be seen again.

We don't see them; they still see us. They watch EVE from afar. They still care deeply about highsec and the legacy of emergent gameplay that they left behind. Today, we create content not only for ourselves, but also on behalf of those who were taken away before the job of saving highsec was finished.

If the permabanned were still playing EVE, they would tell the carebears not to be afraid. They would tell them to buy a mining permit and embrace the Code. Who knows how many lives they would have touched, if given extra time to live in highsec? It doesn't matter. They have already touched our lives, and it's enough. We who remain are sufficient to transform highsec into what it is meant to be.

The truth is, we don't know the identities of all the permabanned. Some we never knew, and others lack the ability to contact us. Regardless, we can never know all the permabanned, because there is always the possibility that others will be banned in the future--for any reason, or for no reason. Therefore, any celebration of the lives of banned players must also include a commemoration of the Unknown Permabanned. They cannot be named. Their contributions to our story remain anonymous. That doesn't make their heroic deeds count for less, but for more.

Brothers and sisters of the Code, we salute you.


Sunday, October 19, 2014

Kills of the Week

There's no such thing as a random act of violence. Not when the New Order is responsible for the violence, anyway. Each gank is meant to impart a lesson--upon the gank recipient and highsec as a whole. Let's see what we can learn from some lessons that took place during the week of October 12th @ 00:00 EVEtime through October 18th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Pay attention to details, my friends. Didli Kugisa lost a fail-fit Retriever. So far, nothing out of the ordinary. Then we look at its value: the Retriever was worth 650 million isk! Another significant note: the gank was performed by Agent Ilithyia Borgia in a 0.9 security system. Imagine being so bot-aspirant as to spend 650 million isk on a mining barge, and to choose to spend one's days mining in a 0.9 system.

Rebel Kalynn Shardani, a self-described "highsec mining consultant", was alarmed when she saw the killmail. New Order Intelligence intercepted Kalynn's frantic mass EVEmail:
Subject: Illithyia Borgia ganking miners in Maurasi 0.9
From: Kalynn Shardani
To: [omitted]

I noticed Ilithyia Borgia is ganking miners at Maurasi (0.9) / The Forge - this is a change from usual ganker tactics. I am not an expert but I suspect she is using higher grade implants than normal or some other tactic. Maybe someone can shed some light on this.
Maybe someone can shed light on this. Agent Ilithyia explained: "What the outlaws don't realize is I don't need 'higher grade implants' or 'other tactics'. I have The Code implanted in every fiber of my being and my only tactic is to enforce enforce enforce."

solomon6 lost an unusually fail-fit Venture, which was ganked by Agent master42 of The Order of Saint James the Divine corporation. I know what you're thinking: "It's just a Venture, you're killing new players, this is going to bankrupt CCP, etc., etc." But the story doesn't end there. solomon6's Venture fit was a direct result of bot-aspirancy. And bot-aspirancy corrupts a miner to the core, the very core. So it should come as no surprise that Agent master42 found this inside the Venture:

Our man solomon6, the "new player" who was innocently puttering around in a Venture, just trying to learn the game? He concealed a pod worth 3.5 billion isk. He would've gotten away with it, too, if not for The Order of Saint James the Divine. No more excuses. Venture pilots must obey the Code, no matter how innocent they try to appear on the surface.

The next lesson is about cutting the head off the snake. Speregrine was caught illegally transporting 30 unlicensed Skiffs through Jita. The freighter was the head of the snake, and the permit-less Skiffs were the body. They withered away. Agents Silin Vespula, Molasse, Gad'ui, Alexander Mittani Gianturco, Benchab Mas, Alex Gianturco, Emotion Sasen, Mittani Alexander Gianturco, Turkey Baster, Ikolo, ParticleKnight, Twizzlespark Celes, Amyclas Lacedaemon, and Alexander Sanen were responsible for this kill.

You might assume the 4.3 billion isk pod of an autopiloting freighter would make the Pod of the Week. You'd be wrong, because sadly there was an even worse offender this week:

Conchita Martinez never gave a second thought to the Code. She thought EVE was about AFK mining in a fail-fit Mackinaw and stuffing one's pod with as many implants as possible. The aptly-named Agent Carebears' Nightmare taught her otherwise; EVE is about the Code and showing respect for my vision for highsec. 4.8 billion isk worth of implants were destroyed. A teachable moment, indeed!

Now for the grand finale. Memory-46 Borg was obviously a bot-aspirant. His name attested to that, even if he was mining in a tanked Procurer. What makes this kill so special? Remember what I said about paying attention to details. Look at the weapon that Agent iZaEaRl was using. It's the icon for a smartbomb. Think about it. Savor it. Oh yes.

Oh yesssssssssssssssssss.

There's nothing quite like smartbomb Megathrons. The endless nerfs to suicide ganking have made the smartbomb ganker virtually extinct. It takes a truly bot-aspirant mining operation to bring the smartbombers out. The Memory-## Borg gang was brought to our attention when concerned locals notified our Agents. I'm sure the Borg have been petitioned many times, but no action was taken against them. In short, the locals reported the Borg to CCP, and then to the New Order. If bot macros aren't detected, CCP considers these reports irrelevant. We don't.

According to the BATTLE SUMMARY, 44 Procurers and 43 pods, totaling more than 4 billion isk, were destroyed. The enforcement was carried out by Agents John E Normus, Mildron Klinker, iZaEaRl, and loyalanon.

You can watch the spectacular attack on the YouTube video. If you watch the video, you'll notice another very important detail about this operation...

Smartbombing as a gank technique has been nerfed so much over the years that even four battleships with a full rack of named smartbombs, in a 0.5 security system, couldn't bring down all the Procurers, or most of their pods. Not in one attack, that is. So our heroes came back. Forty minutes later.

The remaining Procurers--and all the pods--were still sitting there, waiting. Our heroes smartbombed them all again. This time, the rest of the Procurer fleet was wiped out, along with each pod.

My friends, there are only two sides in this fight. You can side with the bot-aspirants who make massive fleets of miners and sit in their pods for 40 minutes after they've been attacked. Or you can side with the heroes who bring smartbomb battleships to kill them all. Which side do you think represents the true spirit of EVE? Choose wisely.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #65

A Saviour's work is never done. As the Father of the New Order, I need to keep a close eye on the Agents who act in my name. For instance:

Agent Beetlesquawk Darkscream is one of New Order Logistics' most promising new members. He has already popped 180+ pods this month. Thanks to TiLearea Somachee's EVEmail, I also know Beetlesquawk is an excellent ambassador for the New Order. Well done!

One of the many reactions to the Order/CFC freighter ganking fleet. AFK bot-aspirants may be "nobodies", but everybody who enforces the Code is somebody.

Lord dauntus excuses his illegal mining, explaining he was AFK to "get up for a shit or to throw something away". Well, which was it? I think he was throwing something away--his mining ship and pod.

Seen here, the difference between the compliant and the non-compliant. A compliant miner engages with others and instantly grasps the wisdom of buying a permit. The non-compliant wants to be as much like a bot as possible.

Giovanni Freezer is a glass half-empty kinda guy. Upon returning to EVE, he learned about the New Order after only an hour of playing. I'd call that a prompt warning--and efficient work!

A mix of carebears' reactions to getting ganked: Threats, denial, and curiosity.

Holdat Janau recommended our gankers move to nullsec. When he realized that was unlikely to succeed, he filed a petition. I've noticed a lot of the "go back to nullsec" business lately. Highsec carebears are almost disdainful of nullsec now, as though they think they're above it.

Our gankers come from all over. Marcel Devereux is the CEO of Aideron Robotics. He's concerned about our influence. I wonder why?

Deyne Well cried. He cried, but Well's well wasn't dry. Not yet.

Much better. If you must cry about getting ganked, let it all out.

Instinctively, the miners recognize that our gankers are the reincarnation of Alexander the Great. They're so good at what they do. Oh, and miner pods aren't collateral damage--they're the primary target.

Sigh. It's as I said: A Saviour's work is never done.

Friday, October 17, 2014

The Voice of Gamis

Tweets, broken English, angry carebears, and victory. What do these things have in common?

It can only be @NewOrderGamis!

Agent Kalorned is a man on a mission. He's done such a good job supervising the miners of the Gamis system that a promotion was inevitable.

With the latest additions to the New Order diplomatic corps, it won't be long until everyone in the EVE community loves us.

Kalorned has made a name for himself, especially in Gamis. Does a particular highsec system hold a special place in your heart? Join the New Order and begin enforcing the Code there. You'll become breathtakingly powerful, and an instant celebrity.

Like all celebrities, Agents of the New Order get trash-talked by the occasional critic. And yet heroes like Kalorned keep calm and carry on with the Code. Amazing fortitude.

When your enemy tells you to commit suicide, it means he knows he can't kill you himself. Agents of the New Order are known for their invincibility, so remarks like Mazakjr's are commonplace.

We talk about gankers a lot on MinerBumping, but this blog was founded on the truths revealed through the bumping of miners. Kalorned carries a torch for the traditional art of miner bumping.

When you bump a miner, you impart an extraordinary gift upon him or her: You're providing the miner with emergent content. They usually don't realize you're doing them a favor until after the bumping stops, though.

Techlon has been mining in highsec for more than five years. He's developed a lot of bad habits in that time, and he's collected a lot of misinformation.

You'd be surprised how often miners assume I've been permabanned. In fact, it came up in one of the very first MinerBumping posts ever, back in August 2012. When a miner had trouble linking my name in local, he started telling everyone I must have been banned. The rebels haven't gotten any smarter since then.

Among the rebel miners, conspiracy theories are more widely consumed than actual news is. The more baffling and nonsensical the theory, the better. These days many rebels honestly believe MinerBumping is secretly written by someone else. Why wouldn't I write my own blog? Who does write it? Is The Mittani somehow to blame? Or the NSA? One can only guess.

Kalorned and his ganker alts, listed by penelope pissy-pants, have improved Gamis a great deal. The bots and bot-aspirants don't like this. Maybe he's my alt, maybe we're all banned, or maybe--just maybe--Kalorned is an informant for CCP. Confusion is a carebear's default state. The only cure is a steady diet of truth. Every carebear in highsec needs to read MinerBumping each day. For best results, they should read the Code a few times a day, too.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Over Four Hundred Fifty-Two Billion in Shares Sold

You all know me. I'm not a big "money" guy. I've always been more interested in building people than building businesses. I'd rather spread the wealth around than hoard a bunch of isk for myself. That having been said, even I can catch on when an obvious market trend presents itself. For example:

Is it just me, or have a lot of people been buying shares lately? The market is very bullish on the New Order. It seems a lot of people think we're winning the war for highsec.

PV Rock bought 1,000 additional shares, sending us over the 441 billion isk mark and earning PV a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Super Perforator joins the ranks of the shareholders with a strong purchase of 3,315 shares. This moved us over the 442, 443, 444, and 445 billion lines. Super earns a Quadruple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™!

The Conference Elite gained 2,000 additional shares by way of loyalanon, who added to the corp's total. This sent us over the 446 and 447 billion marks and earned TCF a Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ by proxy.

Permabanned Heroes of the Code received an extra 1,000 shares from Misty Stenier-Tian. Check off the 448 billion mark! The Permabanned earn another Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ by proxy.

Just Got OutOfJail joined the elite shareholder ranks, too: With a purchase of 1,000 shares, he sent us past the 449 billion mark and earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Rouge Drex was one of many to add to his share total today. Rouge bought an additional 1,500 shares and put us over the 450 billion mark. One Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, coming right up!

Brain Less is anything but! He purchased another 250 shares, send us over the 451 billion mark. Enjoy your Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, Brain Less.

And finally, Mari Hata bought 1,000 additional shares. This put us over the 452 billion mark and earned Mari a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

WHEW! That was all from the last four days. If this keeps up, we're gonna need a bigger hat. And what does all of this money go toward?

That's what it's all about. The isk sent to the New Order enables us to keep people like Agent iZaEaRl in Catalysts. Shareholders send money, gankers gank, carebears get killed, the Code gets enforced, and the New Order reigns supreme. All benefit.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Martyrs of Highsec #3

"We didn't want that ship/fleet anyway. Our losses have already been replaced." These are the words of the defeated in nullsec. There's only a kernel of truth buried in there: In-game assets can be replaced. They're interchangeable. Not so for the content creators of EVE. Each player who facilitates emergent gameplay is unique. When they are removed from the game, something of value is lost forever. Rather than dismissing such a loss in the nullsec fashion, we acknowledge and treasure the contributions of the permabanned.


If you were a carebear in need of a sympathetic audience, chances are your first stop was the office of DJentropy Ovaert.

DJentropy loved to help people, even if they were bot-aspirants. In fact, the more bot-aspirant, the better. DJentropy wasn't like all those diplomats who cozy up to their host country's enemies and tell them whatever they want to hear. When carebears came to him, DJentropy told them to obey the Code.

Enemies of the New Order couldn't help but appreciate his honesty. He told the carebears that they were sick. With a gentle bedside manner, he encouraged his patients to buy a mining permit.

But DJentropy was much more than that. As an Agent of the New Order, he knew well that most of the time, the only effective diplomacy is gunboat diplomacy. The bot-aspirants needed to be ganked, wardecced, or even scammed out of their isk before they could be fixed.

An Agent and a gentleman, DJentropy handled himself with dignity. He expected nothing less from the carebears of highsec under his authority. One can only hope they took his lessons to heart.


Zazz Razzamatazz may have been last in alphabetical order, but he was always first in line to sacrifice a gank ship for the Code.

Like many Agents, Zazz had a main who lived in nullsec. The New Order's supporters come from all over. Yet Zazz never thought himself "above" highsec. He knew it was important to give something back to the homeland of EVE players. He gave generously.

Zazz's optimism was boundless. He always approached Code enforcement and the transformations it causes with a sense of wonder and enthusiasm.

Intellectually curious, Zazz studied the carebear mind--such as it is--and collected data on the bot-aspirant condition. After exhaustive research, Zazz was delighted (but not surprised) to see confirmation that the Code is the answer to highsec's problems.

When the sand ran out in his hourglass, Zazz offered us these final words:
"I was told I am not allowed to make a new account. So I guess this is the end of my EVE experience. After all CCP's talk about the sandbox and all that, I'm perma-banned without any explanation or warning.

I know it's the cool thing among EVE players to refer to the game as terrible, but I always loved it.

It was an honor flying with you guys."
No. It was ours to fly with you.