Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Time the Mercenaries Were Real, Part 1

The New Order truly lives up to its name. It creates order, and it's completely new. Nothing like the New Order has ever been attempted in EVE. Skeptics say, "Nonsense. People have been ganking miners and charging them money for years." But the New Order isn't just about explosions and isk; it's about the Code. For this reason, EVE players have difficulty understanding us. They've never seen anything like it.

Agent Thirtyone Organism was on a routine patrol, flying a tech II fitted Catalyst. He came across a Capsule idling on a stargate in the Ichoriya system. Normally an Agent would only use the minimum equipment required to gank a pod. And certainly, all pre-Order gankers would only use a tech II fitted destroyer to gank a target capable of dropping loot. Thirtyone wasn't motivated by isk, but by the Code. He felt strongly that he should kill the pod right then and there.

The pod was empty. Again, however, Thirtyone wasn't out looking for bragging rights and a juicy killmail. He knew that he had done what was right in highsec. After podding the bot-aspirant named SOIH-257, he sent her an EVEmail explaining the Code and offering her a chance to recover her corpse.
From: SOIH-257
Sent: 2014.05.18 20:48
To: Thirtyone Organism,

Come outside and die faggot.
When SOIH-257 finally returned to her keyboard, she gathered a small group of friends and camped the undock of Agent Thirtyone's station. She demanded Thirtyone face her improvised execution squad. Thirtyone demurred.
From: SOIH-257
Sent: 2014.05.18 20:54
To: Thirtyone Organism,

You're gonna sit in there and hide from a merlin? come on bitch baby let me put it in you
When Thirtyone pointed out that his scout, Agent Thirtytwo Organism, was monitoring the camped undock, SOIH-257 became a bit frustrated. The level of discourse only sank deeper into the abyss.
From: SOIH-257
Sent: 2014.05.18 20:57
To: Thirtyone Organism,

I demand a blowjob bitch

From: SOIH-257
Sent: 2014.05.18 20:58
To: Thirtyone Organism,

Come outside and face me.

From: SOIH-257
Sent: 2014.05.18 21:02
To: Thirtyone Organism,

Come outside
A new Agent might have been surprised to see someone get so angry about losing an empty Capsule. Agent Thirtyone Organism was a veteran. He'd seen the way carebears reacted to even the slightest loss in highsec. Still, SOIH-257 was suffering from an unusually severe case of the condition colloquially known as "butthurt". Thirtyone decided to spend some time educating new players in local.
Dikar Levantin > what does it mean "alt"?
Thirtytwo Organism > alt is an alternate character
Thirtytwo Organism > your "main" is the main character you play, while you play your alts also, but they're more supporting characters for your main.
SOIH-257 > Stop talking whore
Thirtytwo Organism > wipe your foul mouth out. i expect an apology.
Dikar Levantin > I see, I thought that's what the keyboard ))
SOIH-257 > im gonna shit down your neck
The New Order loves to help new players, but the rebels have no regard for them at all. SOIH-257 demanded that our hero stop speaking in local.
Thirtytwo Organism > you're full of dried up cliches
SOIH-257 > if i wanted dried up cliches i'd grop eyour nuts
SOIH-257 > im white
SOIH-257 > i have a job
SOIH-257 > im going into the station now so i can get back to work
Without warning, SOIH-257 announced that as a Caucasian, she had important real-world responsibilities that required her to go AFK. She returned to the station. This was progress: Thirtyone had taught her the importance of docking up while AFK!
SOIH-257 > I'm watching you're bitch ass Organism
Thirtytwo Organism > oh no
SOIH-257 > Can't hide from the SWAH
Thirtytwo Organism > you're probably the least threatening person in this game. you talk big but you lack the capacity to back it up.
SOIH-257 > I don't lack capacity
SOIH-257 > I have endless funds and endless spacebros
SOIH-257 > I can do anything
SOIH-257 > I'll just buy 30 plexes sell them and pay the galaxy to fuck you for years
SOIH-257 > Think I give a shit?
SOIH-257 > I'l waste mad ISK just to ruin your experience
SOIH-257 > hows 1 plex per kill
SOIH-257 > just for you brah
The situation escalated. SOIH-257 was not content to camp a station undock. To avenge the loss of her empty Capsule, she would buy hundreds of dollars worth of PLEX and use them to hire an army of mercenaries!
SOIH-257 > 1 plex per kill
SOIH-257 > for 10 days
Thirtytwo Organism > you wouldnt do that
Thirtytwo Organism > you dont have that kind of money
SOIH-257 > i wouldnt?
Of course, veteran Agents like Thirtyone Organism have heard this kind of rant countless times before. He disregarded the threat. But just in case, Thirtyone sent her an EVEmail cautioning her against spending too much money on hired guns. You just can't trust mercs these days. Also, Thirtyone Organism was a ganker alt and was freely attackable anyway.
From: SOIH-257
Sent: 2014.05.18 22:01
To: Thirtyone Organism,

Oh its too late. I already mailed the job out to all of my mailing lists. You can apologize to me now, if you want. I'll accept your surrender for 150mil. Luckily I didn't get the plexes yet, but I'll definitely go through with my threat. I know a lot of HUNGRY bandit corps out there that will do ANYTHING for just ONE plex. You have six hours.

Below is a copy of my opportunity to the others.

"How many plexes would it take to get you mothatriggas to make one pilot's life a living hell? I need people to track this scoundral across the galaxy and just ERASE him every chance you get. I want him to sit in his station for a MONTH. I wanna be like Jabba the Hutt of eve and just have a bunch of bad ass hunters do all of my bidding. Send me a personal message if you're down to work for me, I'll put together the lot of you and cast you out to be my loyal murderers."
Things had gotten completely out of hand. Thirtyone cringed with embarrassment for SOIH-257 as he considered the possibility that she'd really sent people the "Jabba the Hutt" EVEmail.
Thirtyone Organism > You have no power. There is no PLEX behind your promises. By tomorrow your desire to do anything towards me will have fizzled out.
SOIH-257 > Im white
SOIH-257 > I work
SOIH-257 > I'll buy as much as I need
F This > what's this about plex?
Thirtyone Organism > Nothing. There is no PLEX. He's just all talk.
SOIH-257 > You got a couple more hours
Still, more likely than not, it was all just a huge bluff. SOIH-257 had to go to work, so she set a countdown timer for Thirtyone to apologize for the righteous gank of her empty pod. No deal. Thirtyone knew he'd done right by the Code, and besides, Agents of the New Order put little stock in countdown timers. Carebears never actually try to hire mercenaries.

...Or do they?

Next time: The most shocking MinerBumping episode yet!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Every Last System in Highsec

Every system in highsec belongs to the New Order. Not some, not most, not nearly all, but every last one of them. All highsec systems are subject to the Code.

Now, it's obvious to even the most bot-aspirant carebear that a 0.5 security system is a dangerous place to be if you're a Code-violator. (The trillions of isk worth of damage inflicted there simply proves the bot-aspirants don't care that they're in danger.) But even some fairly well-educated carebears believe that the Code won't be enforced in 1.0 security systems.

Enter Agent Rick Therapist. (Therapist. Therapist. Some people get confused by his name.) And his faithful companion, Agent Brutal Anna. They're not afraid of a challenge. They reported directly to the nearest 1.0 system to ensure that everyone was Code-compliant.

Skeptics and rebels will cry foul, of course. They believe 1.0 systems belong only to newbies. Not true! Perimeter, for example, is a major trade route system. Its 1.0 status simply allows CONCORD to behave more aggressively.

...Luckily, our Agents are even more aggressive.

Experienced Agents like Rick Therapist and Brutal Anna can still be surprised by the recklessness and fecklessness of the unreformed carebear. The violators put their expensive implants at risk with minimal regard for the Code. Even in a 1.0 system, however, a simple Thrasher is enough to deal with them. Cukor Repa had a Leopard shuttle and an implant for extra warp drive speed. How did she get caught? Auto-piloting, of course!

One believer in 100% safe highsec had a full set of slave implants. That might've added a few points of armor to his Capsule, but not enough. It's no use min-maxing if you forget to buy a permit. They really should add that to the next version of EFT.

Rick and Anna didn't stop. Despite the expensive killmails popping up in Perimeter, the carebears kept on auto-piloting through.

Though Rick and Anna were both at perfect -10 standings and freely attackable by all, the endless stream of travelers didn't bother fighting back. They saw the blinky reds and shrugged their shoulders with indifference. In a rare exception, a member of the Organization Against Order alliance (no relation?) came after them. He was killed.

The limited-issue Leopard becomes rarer by the day. I wonder what percentage of the Leopards killed so far in EVE were slain by the New Order.

Why do people use shuttles as hauling ships? Because they assume there's no change of being shot in highsec. How many more trillions of isk must we destroy before the carebears get the message? Don't worry--whatever the amount, we'll do it.

Our heroes brought highsec 20 billion isk closer to final victory that day.

We're willing to educate the carebears one at a time, if that's what it takes. No miner--or AFK auto-piloter--left behind.

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Code IV

Over the past few weeks, Agent Sasha Nyemtsov has become a highsec rock star. This comes as no surprise to those who have listened to Sasha's audio commentaries on the Code. Sasha's expositional readings delight the ears and enlighten the mind. This week, Sasha speaks on the following lines from the Code:
"Without rules, there is no such thing as freedom. By enforcing a system of just laws, I give the miners liberation from their own worst instincts. And through this process, the miners can be molded into better people, the kind worthy of joining the new community of EVE."
A timely subject indeed.

A good working knowledge of the Code is the foundation of life in modern highsec. If you travel through 0.5+ security space, these recordings are a must-listen.

For earlier recordings, please enjoy the following links:
The Code II
The Code III

Over Three Hundred Eighty-Five Billion in Shares Sold

Ready for more good news from highsec?

ThrustControl Oriki struck while the iron was at its hottest. He purchased only 50 shares, but it was enough to push us over the 382 billion isk mark and earn him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Meanwhile...

Agent Slave A00073078 is the New Order's second-largest shareholder; only the celebrated/permabanned isk-doubler, Erotica 1, owns more shares.

In a whimsical moment, Slave suicided an unconventional ship. But in doing so, she struck a mighty blow for the Code.

A permit was not sold. Not this time, anyway. But a dead carebear is a good start.

Oh yes, and Slave A00073078 purchased another 3,000 shares of New Order stock. This put us over the 383, 384, and 385 billion isk marks. Slave earns a Triple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™! More burning carebears are in the offing.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Kills of the Week

At this point, I'm not sure what to say to the carebears who still insist on violating the Code. Perhaps the simplest message is best: "Pay attention." Here are some carebears whose attention wandered while they were supposed to be focused on EVE and the Code, during the week of July 13th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 19th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

bob263 got zapped by Agent Brutal Anna. He might've assumed he was completely safe in a 1.0 security system. "1.0" doesn't stand for "100% safe", though. Over two and a half billion isk worth of implants were lost in the confusion.

Ouch! Dufnut found himself becoming the latest entry to the New Order's list of dead jump freighters when he took his anti-tanked Ark and AFK'ed his way through the Uedama system. Or, I guess I should say, halfway through the Uedama system.

Among the cargo were blueprints for various items. If only Dufnut were more Catalyst and less Ark. They don't make Arks as sturdy as they did in the old days, it seems. Another Ark was killed this week.

Our Knights made themselves at home in Uedama this week. If there was any anti-Order resistance, it collapsed entirely. At least 41 freighters and 2 jump freighters were incinerated by the New Order. I considered tallying up the isk damage from all those kills, but you MinerBumping readers are smart people. You know how much that is: A lot. Gripptastic tried tanking up, but he lost 9.4 billion isk anyway. No permit.

How do we manage to kill so many freighters in such a short time? As illustrated by the involved parties on this freighter kill, the New Order has widespread appeal. From the poorest gank alt who relies entirely on reimbursements to the richest scions of nullsec, everyone does their part to enforce the Code.

Slutch lost a freighter with some questionable fittings. Did she learn her lesson?

...She did not. We've seen some stubborn carebears, but Slutch takes the cake. Less than an hour later, she was back in Uedama with another freighter. She said she wasn't autopiloting, which is great. However, she wouldn't even spare 10 million isk for a permit.

Slutch sealed her own fate. She didn't even bother to fit some tank modules. Bot-aspirants get so stuck in their routines--or subroutines, as we like to say. If you lose two freighters in one hour, might I suggest updating your program with a few extra lines of... Code?

Special thanks to the Agents on this week's featured kills: Aaaarrgg, Angel Pirate, Angry Garsk, ATM Pro Asanari, BabaHabas, Benedict Ackerman, Big G Chelien, Bishop Hudson, Bjorn Hinkel, Bone Dome, Brutal Anna, Capt Starfox, Captain McSadMeal, Che Jorandis, D400, ELicken, For Sciience, Gino Rinehard, Hiashi Taketatsu, Ima Wreckyou, James Haythem, James Msyu, Jericho47, Jerry Rin, John E Normus, Jolly Rancer, Jon 1, karma balancer, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Krominal, Lincoln Eff Sternn, Lonely Spirit, loyalanon, Luck Of-The-Irish, Mad Fatchick Killer, Maddie Mcbumplug, Nicholas Deathmaul, Nitetime Video, Olivia Hardrocks, Phoebe Halliwel, Pod Killer Yvormes, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Princess Suicide, Radric Davids, Rakeris, Rick Therapist, RonPaul Rox, Saburo Ogami, Schlampa, The 'TheLassen' Lassen, unknown boat, V-ktor Dolus, Verneusses, Yucan Blome, Zane Arnolles, and Zombiepilot.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

EVE's Last, Best Hope

Who's looking out for the EVE community these days? In theory, CCP polices the game. In reality, CCP and its small army of GMs can only scratch the surface. The New Order believes, strongly, that highsec can and must experience an alternative to the carnage and chaos of the "everyone does whatever they want" philosophy. Our Agents boldly go where CCP dares not tread.

Case in point: The war on bots. Every man, woman, and child in highsec knows that CCP has only banned a fraction of the bots who daily mine our ice and ore. Players report bots all the time, only to find the machines continuing to feed upon highsec's wealth, hour after hour after hour. CCP considers these reports irrelevant. We don't.

Agent Black Pedro is one of the growing number of anti-bot and anti-bot-aspirant gankers who have rallied to the banner of the Code.

Observers have called it the "Highsec Awakening". Before, empire space was home to a divided, fractured assortment of content creators. Now we are unified. And in that unity we have achieved more power than anyone in the pre-Code era could have dreamed.

Earlier this month, Black Pedro ganked a Retriever pilot named GVN in the Hahda system and found a billion isk Michi implant in his pod. A nice pod, but nothing more significant than that, right? Not until you start reviewing Pedro's past kills. Lillian Marcadie, also ganked in Hahda, was a Michi-user.

The more he dug, the more Michis Pedro found in the system.

It was no coincidence. It was evidence of a massive botting operation.

Pedro and his corp didn't give up. It was time to fight.

...and it goes on like this.

Bot-actuals are different from bot-aspirants. The carebears--those who have not yet activated the illegal macros they covet--are known for being cowardly and whiny. The bots don't normally cry, or say anything for that matter. They are known for their persistence. However, the New Order doesn't give up, either.

CCP can't save us from the bots. Only the New Order can. We have destroyed countless macro miners. As great an accomplishment as this is, we know that the ganking of bots only treats the symptom of a greater problem. We're determined to eliminate the causes: The risk/reward imbalance of highsec, the idea that EVE is a game about accumulating isk, the elimination of emergent gameplay. In short, bot-aspirancy.

Every carebear carries within him the potential for future macro usage. Once they have experienced what EVE is really about, they will see that EVE is not meant to be automated or "played" AFK. Then, at last, they will stop begging CCP to make highsec a botter's paradise.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Which Corps Should You Wardec?

Though Agents of the New Order are notoriously effective suicide gankers, and though the New Order invented the modern practice of miner bumping, Agents have other means of enforcing the Code. The New Order counts among its supporters some of the finest wardeccers and awoxers in all EVE. But I am often asked the question, "Whom should I wardec? What alliances should I try to awox?"

I like to think of the battle for highsec's heart and soul as a kind of relay race. It's not always possible to save a rebel corp or an alliance of bot-aspirants all on your own. Agents pass the baton to each other, knowing that eventually the carebears will see the light (or leave highsec or quit EVE).

If you're looking for a corp/alliance to wardec or awox, there's no better place than MinerBumping to conduct your research. You can find countless stories about Code violators who need your help. If the criminal is a member of an alliance, or if his corp is too large to conveniently dissolve and reform, you've got yourself a good target. Sometimes the entire corp/alliance is defiant. In other cases, they simply harbor one bad apple. In those instances, I recommend contacting the corp/alliance diplomat or CEO and letting them know that the wardec/awox was a result of that member. Carebear corps and alliances are often willing to expel a troublemaker.

For the remainder of this post, I'll give you some examples of suitable targets that I found simply by browsing the pages of MinerBumping.

Corp: The Flying Warducks
Size: 27 members
Post: Highsec Toad Trotter, Part 1
Criminal History: This corp is currently harboring toad trotter, author of the longest tearmail in New Order history. They have not contacted the New Order to explain why they failed to expel her for her Code violations. Apparently the corp is primarily French-speaking, so it's possible they are not regular readers of MinerBumping. If so, that would be another red flag.

Corp: Arcane New Order
Size: 12 members
Post: Attack of the Clone
Criminal History: JTClone Ares founded this corp with the express purpose of destroying the New Order. Recently he has taken to releasing SoundCloud recordings about his desire to restore highsec to its pre-Order madness.

Corp: the undead miners
Size: Alliance: Cybran Nation Alliance
Post: All Strussed Out
Criminal History: The corp's CEO is Lisanna struss. She tried to stop a gank, failed, vowed to take down the New Order, and ranted on TeamSpeak. So far, she has refused to purchase a mining permit.

Corp: Industrial Organization Corporation
Size: Alliance: Syzygy Crux.
Post: Learning and Not Learning
Criminal History: The corp's CEO is Ms Launa, who famously spent at least 45 billion isk putting bounties on New Order corps and the CODE. alliance. This worked to the New Order's advantage, since we can collect some of the bounties during ganks and recover part of the ships' cost. Further interactions with Ms Launa may result in additional bounties.

Corp: Strategically Integrated Coalition Of Nations
Size: 6 members
Post: No Easy Awox, Part 7
Criminal History: The corp is home to this guy:

Yes, TDD Dominaters is at it again. Intel reports suggest that he is the alt and/or account sharing with the corp's CEO, Sean Hamann Hamann. Given TDD's history of exploiting new players with excessive tax rates and commanding them to do mining ops during wardecs, we can say with confidence that his corp is up to no good.

Corp: The Prodigy Generation
Size: Alliance: Galactic Skyfleet Empire
Post: A Little Bit of Everything
Criminal History: The corp's CEO is Psychoinmate Assylum, who claims to be in the business of training new players--even those with trial accounts. In reality, his only intention is to poison our fair highsec. Psychoinmate believes the Code's very existence is against the EULA, and he produced a screenshot of himself filing a frivolous petition to that effect. He's also known for this remark:

Clearly, Psychoinmate has insufficient respect for the New Order.

Corp: Earth Breaker Mining Collective
Size: 25 members
Post: Accountability Begins with a Permit
Criminal History: Members of the corp were instructed by its leaders to buy mining permits and then violate the Code. This shocking revelation came to light when the corp was infiltrated by a New Order Agent--who then executed a devastating awox attack. Although its former CEO (and "co-founder") quit, the corp is suspected of continuing to break the Code at every opportunity.

The frightening truth is, there are many such corps operating right under our noses in highsec. Do you have what it takes to bring these criminals to justice? Look up some random MinerBumping posts and find your next target today!