Wednesday, January 22, 2020

The Genesis of Compliance, Part 1

A lot of people look down their noses at highsec. The highsec miners, especially, are despised as a lazy, rude, bot-aspirant bunch. They are, admittedly, difficult to love. But surely someone cares for them?


The Agents of the New Order are the miners' only true friends. Alt 00 is one of those Agents--and a true friend to the miners.


Alt 00 packed up her things and went on a trip to visit the wretched miners of the Genesis region. 'Twas sure to be a memorable occasion.


Our heroine's trek across highsec was made in secret. She wanted to surprise the Genesis miners so that she could see whether they were obeying the Code--without having to be reminded.


...As it happened, some miners were in desperate need of reminding.


Alt 00 and her friends from Honeybright swooped down upon the non-compliant miners with destroyers. The miners were taken completely by surprise.


With speed and grace, the Agents ganked one carebear after another. Sometimes they ganked multiple non-compliants simultaneously, like this Porpoise...


...And this Retriever. But as glorious as these ganks were, something was missing.


Our Agents brought out their Taloses. That could mean only one thing...


You know, EVE can be a beautiful game. Especially when miners die.


Agent Alt 00 is known for loving the Code and for loving Orca ganks. The two loves go well together. But the thing about ganking Orcas...


...Once you start, it's difficult to stop. Upon the destruction of a second Orca in the area, miners began to scatter.


The pilot of the second Orca attempted to escape in a Harbinger Navy Issue. He sought revenge against the attackers, only to die under Talos fire in less than a minute. Alt 00's power was great. And her crusade to improve the Genesis region was only getting started.

To be continued...

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

The Best Revenge, Part 33

Previously, on MinerBumping... aiva naali poured his heart and soul into the Imperium's new battle flag. But wars are not won by flags alone. aiva recharged his batteries with a good night's sleep, refilled the coffers of his titan fund, and readied himself for the next phase of his legendary journey.


Conquering nullsec isn't easy. The Imperium was constantly at war--which meant that its leaders were always making important decisions.


aiva wasn't on the front lines, but he was able to evaluate the war situation by carefully reading the chatter in his Discord channel.


In his spare moments, aiva practiced making speeches and war cries to go along with his battle flag. aiva sent some sample video clips to his most trusted colleagues, who were always ready with useful feedback.


Though an experienced tactician and fleet comp theorycrafter, aiva was new to motivational speaking. To be frank, he wasn't yet ready for prime time. Once he'd mastered the art, he would be able to share his videos with the Imperium--and the world.


Unfortunately, aiva's contacts in the New Order weren't experts in the field, either. aiva wasn't sure how much he could learn from them. But he was confident that he would grow into the role.


As time went on, aiva busied himself with his usual work: Developing secret weapons and directing Imperium fleets via Discord.


In the midst of his theorycrafting, aiva made an offhand remark that drew the notice of his colleagues.


aiva had suddenly remembered that he wanted to be invited to join Goonswarm Federation. The last time this happened, aiva had been sidetracked by an angry Russian from his former corp. Would his ambitions be realized this time?


Luckily for aiva, Goonswarm Federation had hundreds of corporations to choose from. He selected one that caught his eye and began to prepare his application.


It always helps to have connections. And aiva had plenty.


Considering that aiva was already basically in charge of the Imperium's military, he figured he ought to be a shoe-in for membership in one of Goonswarm's random corps. There was a catch, though.


How exactly does one get credit for being a secret mastermind?

To be continued...

Monday, January 20, 2020

The Best Revenge, Part 32

Previously, on MinerBumping... Blood. Sweat. Tears. Dolphins.


EVE Online is a game known for its symbols. The most famous of its symbols are those created by the players.


For example: Who could ever forget the immortal "Fatbee", which eventually became the in-game logo for Goonswarm Federation?


Although coalitions are not technically in-game entities (there is no coalition game mechanic), some have their own logos, such as the one pictured above. aiva naali's loyalty was with the Imperium. Now he was called upon to create a battle flag capable of inspiring its fleets. Good art requires sacrifice. And aiva's dolphin flag nearly cost him everything he had.

Let's see what he came up with.


Okay.


With the aid of a "flag waver" website, Agent Aiko Danuja took aiva's dolphin flag and hoisted it to the heavens.


His creative energies entirely spent, aiva crumpled to the floor.


While aiva enjoyed a well-deserved rest, his colleagues considered how best to use the new dolphin flag. They agreed it would be most effective if accompanied by a stirring battle cry. Everyone hoped that the long-awaited battle flag would be a game changer. But what came next?


Ah, yes. Money.


Before long, aiva began contracting assets in bulk over to Agent Aiko.


For whatever reason, aiva had, at some point, acquired a pair of FAXes and various fittings. He couldn't think of any use for the ships, so he decided to liquidate them to help fund the construction of his titan.


Once Aiko took possession of the materials, she gave them an honest appraisal and made preparations to credit aiva's titan fund.


It didn't take long for aiva to regain full strength. It was a good thing, too: There was still a war to be won.

To be continued...

Sunday, January 19, 2020

Kills of the Week

A lot of "stuff" has been added to EVE over the years. Call it bloat, call it whatever. We all know that EVE cannot be fixed with "stuff". That's why the year 2020 needs to be a back-to-basics kind of year; we need a focus on the core fundamentals of the game. Chief among them: the Code. Everyone needs to focus more on the Code. Those who forsake the Code won't last long. Here's some proof from the week of January 12th @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 18th @ 23:59 EVEtime...



Blingy drones? No. That is not the Code.


Chicago Boo and other blingy Hulk owners got a reality check from Agents Hold On Tight, Eduard Limonov, Illegal Facilitator, Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, Maximus Gooseman, and Belle de Jour, who simultaneously ganked another 748 million isk Hulk. Moreover, our heroes popped both of their pods, worth 2.3 billion isk each. During the ensuing panic, roughly 2.5 billion isk worth of blingy drones were confiscated--a most expensive mining op!



An unusually large number of blingy mining ships--including Skiffs--were mucking about in highsec this week. Kb SideKick's 783 million isk Skiff was only one of them. Agents Max August Zorn, Felix Hausdorff, Niels Henrik Abel, Augustus De Morgan, Ernst Steinitz, Jorgen Pedersen Gram, and Erhard Schmidt managed to track down the ORE-lover without issue. Miners, if you buy bling, you are marked.



What could be more in keeping with the back-to-basics spirit than the destruction of an outrageously expensive freighter in Uedama? Jane Padishah had her 30.8 billion isk Providence carved up during a Kusion family outing: Agents Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Jack Kusion, Josh Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Darth VaIdemar, Nick Moiseenko, and Caution AsianDriver Ahead all enjoyed feasting on this ship, which dropped over 22 billion in loot.



Jasim Saleh thought himself a big man when he purchased a Leshak battleship. He thought the Leshak hull would guarantee him victories. Alas, he didn't know how to fly or fit one.


Then Jasim met Agent Krig Povelli, who actually knows how to use a Triglavian ship. They engaged in honourable 1v1 combat. The man with more honour won.



oralis sailed into nullsec with a 6.7 billion isk Rorqual. This caused a bit of a stir, because he was carrying some mining equipment sourced illegally from highsec. The New Order Outreach Division was on the case! Agents Soldier Forrester, TigR Kashada, WaTeR Ubersnol, Faith Evingod, atrophocy, Miyamoto Uroki, Adrian Ostus, Casper24, LuckIsNoExcuse, WickedGames, Eld K'Fixit, WaTeR DeskselseVlerk, bella lugosi, and Sandro MacLaine put their elite PvP skills to use and slew the beast.



Blingy mining modules aren't the only contraband that decadent miners indulge in. Vosveldon assumed that no one would ever find out about his blingy mining implants. But Agent Guybertini discovered them when he cracked open the miner's pod.


A Michi's Excavation Augmentor and an ORE Mining Director Mindlink? Your secret is out, Goofus.

Saturday, January 18, 2020

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #201

It's a new year--will this one be better than the last? Is your life on an upward trajectory?


Those who refuse to learn from the Code will be ganked over and over again, no matter how many new ships they buy. But those who embrace the Code will reap the rewards. Welcome to the latest edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!


Nuclear missiles mean little in highsec. The Code is the superweapon of EVE--and it works.


No, miners, you can't just go to the bathroom in a 0.9 system. Highsec is not your toilet. Not since the Code.


Now I see why all of the anti-Code resistance movements have failed after all these years: They haven't had enough yet.


When drafting a reimbursement request, keep in mind that you're not going to have much luck if you include details that establish your own guilt.


Then again, it's possible to go too far in the other direction.


I, too, would like an answer to Agent Sievert Solutions' question. Tazer face?


Agent Dishrag translated the miner's message as follows: "What a fool you are! I have been in the game for four days! Drawn to the weak? You moron!"

The miner admits that he is weak. More PvP will do him good, I think.


If you're going to mine in a Venture, it is better to do it in low/null/wormholes. However, if you intend to mine in highsec, don't lie about it.


Reports of my being banned are, as ever, fake news. Don't trust everything in your Facebook feed.


When miners need to be interrogated post-gank, it can sometimes get heated. Don't worry, though--our Agents always err on the right side of torture.


That's more like it. I often say that miners need to thank their gankers more.


For the New Order, progress isn't just an idea; it's our way of life.