Sunday, March 29, 2020

Kills of the Week

The bot-aspirants of highsec are desperate these days. Increasingly, unlicensed carebears have been under pressure from our valiant Agents--they're on the run. And what do non-compliant Gobloks do when they get desperate? Well, take a look at some examples from the week of March 22nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 28th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

We don't often see Covert Ops frigates featured on Kills of the Week, but Crusher McCabe was deeply afraid of being intercepted by gankers; he couldn't risk going around in some obvious hauling ship. But Agent Lovin Jr managed to find and destroy him all the same.

Try reading the Code to get a healthier, more natural boost.

Although we've been seeing haulers experiment with different kinds of ships lately, soraikaros angle3 went with the classic "highsec super", an 18.6 billion isk Ark. She made her way to Jita, but there her AFK journey ended in a fireball. Agents Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Richard, Taxman Daniel, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Shardani, Mining Lord 1999, and Dr Hattrick brought out the big guns and made Jita surrender another jump freighter.

Yeah, I'd say this qualifies as desperation. Yikes! Dantalian Lemegeton's 21 billion isk cargo-expanded Rattlesnake was a disgrace--an absolute disgrace. News of Dantalian's ship spread as it autopiloted through highsec, oblivious. 'Twas enough to rouse the Rackner family, and they took up arms. Agents eviserater Adoudel, Georgia Rackner, Rebecca Rackner, Ashlee Rackner, Jani Rackner, Yan Rackner, Emily Rackner, Jemma Rackner, Kirra Rackner, Olivia Rackner, Zoe Rackner, Celestia Rackner, Ivy Rackner, Charlotte Rackner, Kimberly Rackner, Globby Rackner, Benji Rackner, hegils, Phoenix Rackner, Adara Gaea, and Vladimir Puotin rode into battle in their Catalysts and taught Dantalian why highsec is not filled with hauling Rattlesnakes.

"Go to nullsec if you want to PvP," the anti-Code carebears sneer. Perhaps Jayne GX has said something like that before. If so, it's ironic that she provided our Agents with some practice killing her supercarrier. Our Agents, of course, are just as comfortable killing nullsec supers as highsec supers. Agents TigR Kashada, GROUND XERO, Tamoria, Peoplehater82, Kruge Ellecon, Helena Wild, Hakuli, Adrian Ostus, Martin otsito, Lucy Callagan, Jeronyx, l0rd carlos, Methea Selenis, Amelia Duskspace, atrophocy, Casper24, Kadesh Priestess, CHlCHl, Noc Ormand, Lucas Quaan, Oberhaader, NiXoR x, dexter xio, Goron McFraud, Scott Smartypants, xNiXoRx, and Charlotte Otsita enjoyed some elite PvP with Jayne. She probably wishes they had stayed in highsec!

It doesn't look like it, but Tovar's blingy Bhaalgorn was sort of a hauling battleship, too. Despite being equipped for combat, the ship's cargo bay was (for whatever reason) filled with clothing items. Agents Votre Dieu, Narl' Amhar, Astrid Tyrfing, Rungerd, and Ingrid Scylding didn't bother asking questions before killing Tovar. All they needed to know was that Tovar was violating the Code. Case closed.

A quick question for you, dear reader: What's worse than a mining battleship?

Answer: Two mining battleships, lost by the same guy an hour apart, in the same system. Inside Centre didn't take the hint when Agents Pod-Goo Repoman, Aaaarrgg, and Aaaarrggs Scout Alt ganked his mining Apocalypse, so our heroes returned to the system an hour later and ganked his mining Armageddon. Can you believe this guy? He's living proof that paying CCP a subscription fee doesn't mean you're worthy of EVE Online.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #206

You know the drill, dear reader: It's time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

When you encounter someone like capt JohnJ, you have to wonder just how long it took him to become such a Goofus...

...In this case, it took about two-thirds of a century. When capt JohnJ's ship exploded, he gave a new meaning to the term "boomer"!

Nihass Ironbound received multiple opportunities to purchase a mining permit within his first month of playing EVE. Hopefully he'll get straightened out long before he has enough isk to buy a freighter.

The Code
The Code

In lieu of reimbursement isk, I'll give you some free advice: If you don't follow the Code, your marriage is probably not going to last.

Confiscating blingy drones and winning arguments. All in a day's work for our Agents.

After Patricia Lex lost her Mackinaw, she invoked my name. But you can tell if a miner actually knows me by observing whether or not they obey the Code.

I'm pretty sure this miner put more thought into writing this EVEmail than anything else he did while playing the game.

A carebear's outrage upon being accused of AFK mining is a red flag. Bot-aspirants always get angry when they get caught.

...See what I mean? This guy doesn't sound like an innocent miner.

All bat to you, too, pal.

Miners would be surprised how often their corpmates are happy to see them get ganked. It makes sense, though. Just imagine being stuck in a corp with one of these Gobloks.

Friday, March 27, 2020

Post-Postal Post POSTAL

The anti-Code carebears claim that our Agents are griefers, bullies, and torturers. "Of course they're bullies," say the carebears, "How else could they coerce someone into buying one of their fraudulent 'permits'?"

But the truth is, many unlicensed highsec miners are fully aware that they must buy a permit. They're simply waiting their turn to be ganked.

Andy Post POSTAL lost a Mackinaw and a 792 million isk pod. Unusually, his Mackinaw had been equipped with an Abyssal Damage Control.

One might expect a miner such as Andy, upon being ganked, to go postal. But he couldn't be mad; he was beyond all of that now. Andy had known all along what his fate would be. 'Twas only a matter of time.

Eventually, justice caught up with Andy, as it does with all who violate the Code. There was no sense in trying to run from destiny any longer.

Agent Aiko Danuja was pleased to hear Andy make a full confession of his crimes. A lot of miners confess, but mostly they incriminate themselves by accident.

Failing to obey the Code is a foolish mistake; punishment is inevitable. Our Agents have eyes and ears everywhere in highsec.

Once they put aside their self-serving biases, all miners recognize that the Code is just.

Andy knew, intellectually, the truth of highsec. Now it was time to translate his knowledge into action.

...And that meant buying a mining permit. A few permits, actually.

As always, the sale of a mining permit (or three) is cause for celebration. Only a grouchy anti-Code carebear would think otherwise.

Andy opened his arms to the Agents of the New Order. For they were the ones who fight to save highsec.

Next, Andy composed an EVEmail explaining himself and sent it directly to the Saviour of Highsec.

Unlicensed carebears could learn a lot from a guy like Andy. When you lose your Mackinaw, there's no point in spewing a bunch of real-life death threats and racial slurs in local chat. No, the better option is to admit you're totally guilty and to toss some isk to your ganker.

Even so, the wiser course is to obey the Code from the beginning--and avoid being ganked at all.

Thursday, March 26, 2020

The Quest for Freedom

People say that EVE is a sandbox. We've all heard it before. But if you've been playing EVE for six years and all you know how to do is AFK mine in highsec, then you're in the wrong sandbox.

Vidra Norsholk was passing some time in the Aydoteaux system, mining while AFK. Or, as she might put it, "questing for freedom and battling for the rights of miners everywhere".

Suddenly, Vidra's quest hit a snag. She lost a fail-fit Mackinaw and a 70 million isk pod.

Vidra was invited to the "Why Was I Ganked?" channel, where her battle for miner rights truly began. You know a miner is angry when she sputters even in writing.

Despite Vidra's rage, she was already thinking about how to make more money. Laying the groundwork for her future reimbursement claim, the miner inflated the value of her loss to 500 million.

How does someone play EVE for six years and not hear about the Code? Regardless, our Agents put an end to that unlucky streak.

News of Vidra's defiance spread. Additional Agents were called in to help put out the inferno. Things could get bad in highsec if other carebears started thinking about "miner rights".

Vidra's philosophy was poorly thought out, just like those of the rebel leaders who came before her.

Once she realized that she wasn't likely to get reimbursed, Vidra began to downplay her loss. She cut her estimate of the isk value in half.

Our Agents confirmed that Vidra was a Goofus. Like all Goofuses, she had an instinctive dislike for me; even hearing the J-word was enough to set her off.

Strangely, Vidra seemed to think that she was standing up and defending herself.

At the same time, our Agents were hard at work elsewhere in highsec. caprices was caught AFK in a Hulk and lost his 460 million isk pod. He had been playing EVE for eight years, so he had even more experience than Vidra.

As Vidra vowed her revenge, caprices was invited to join the channel. Maybe he would be Vidra's first recruit into her anti-Code movement.

For whatever reason, the two miners didn't connect. Sometimes being in the presence of a fellow gank victim can make a miner shy. The two parted ways, still in search of "freedom". But as the Code tells us, there is no freedom without rules--and the Code rules all. Always!