Monday, May 20, 2019

Over One Trillion Eight Hundred Six Billion in Shares Sold

Let's talk about goodness and growth today, dear reader.

Brewlar Kuvakei is, believe it or not, one of our earliest shareholders. Since 2012, he has owned precisely 10 shares in the New Order. Now, seemingly out of nowhere, he decided to step things up. He purchased 1,000 additional shares, which brought us to the 1,777 billion isk mark. And it's a beautiful thing. Brewlar earns a better-late-than-never Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Now let's take a look at what happened in Uedama this week.

A mysterious individual named Mycella Huren reported to the system and quickly found one of our Agents, PI Tool1.

Mycella's motives were unclear, but it soon became apparent that she was in a generous mood.

PI Tool1 checked her wallet and was stunned: Mycella had "tipped" her a billion isk, simply for responding when she'd asked for an Agent!

For good measure, Mycella also purchased a mining permit.

Shortly afterward, this Gallant stranger biomassed herself. She claimed to have sent everything else she owned to the Saviour of Highsec. Was it true? PI Tool1 had to wonder.

Yes, I can tell you that the wonderful tale of Mycella Huren is indeed true.

Mycella Huren spent her remaining 28 billion isk by purchasing 28,000 shares in the New Order. This took us past the 1,778, 1,779, 1,780, 1,781, 1,782, 1,783, 1,784, 1,785, 1,786, 1,787, 1,788, 1,789, 1,790, 1,791, 1,792, 1,793, 1,794, 1,795, 1,796, 1,797, 1,798, 1,799, 1,800, 1,801, 1,802, 1,803, 1,804, and 1,805 billion isk marks. Mycella, wherever she is, is the proud owner of an Octovigintuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

The story's not yet finished, though.

PI Tool1 took Mycella's billion isk tip and purchased 1,000 shares of her own. This brought us to the 1,806 billion isk mark and earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

I think that's what Mycella would've wanted.

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Kills of the Week

I have a question for all the highsec carebears out there: Does highsec have laws, or doesn't it? If you say "yes", then you cannot complain when you get ganked for violating those laws. If you say "no", then you cannot complain, for you have been ganked in a lawless space.

While you're chewing on that, take a good look at these kills from the week of May 12th @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 18th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

WWL wx YXR was AFK autopiloting and lost his 3.46 billion isk Golem. The eagle-eyed readers might notice that the picture above shows a Golem worth 3.64 billion isk, though. How can this be?

Yes, the next day he lost a second blingy Golem--also while AFK autopiloting. Some carebears are slow to learn. Special thanks to Agents Eva Mavas, Lucia, Viirilithizu Ward, Lewak, Eva Solberg, and Araena Calorne for killing that first Golem and setting a good precedent.

Alant Chelien lost a billion isk Mackinaw to Agents Maximus Gooseman, Misha Mawashi, Flagellant Messiah, Elena Sabezan, Edmund Sublett, Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, Eduard Limonov, and Illegal Facilitator. Not only do billion isk mining ships still exist, they come in all different types. Many use ORE modules...

This one used Harvester drones. Either way, all of that isk goes to the New Order or the Loot Fairy.

...And here we see an example of the ORE variety. Gregor Eisenhor isk-tanked his Skiff. He probably thought our Agents would rather gank an untanked Retriever than a Skiff. When the Skiff is worth 2 billion isk, though, you can pay for a lot of Catalysts. Agents Edmund Sublett, Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, Maximus Gooseman, Eduard Limonov, Misha Mawashi, Elena Sabezan, and Flagellant Messiah only needed to use 7 Catalysts to get a billion isk worth of loot. People who are good at math only go into the asteroid belts to gank.

FYI, miners, our Agents are extremely efficient: Gregor only got to "enjoy" his blingy mining upgrades for a matter of hours before he was terminated.

To be sure, Lersei Cannister's Occator had a questionable fit. But her most egregious mistake came not in her choice of highs, mids, lows, or rigs. No, Lersei's true failure was in her choice of cargo. Namely, there was too much of it. Agents Ella Skorn, Fiona Salacore, Katie Ka-Booom, and Tenton Jackhammer got some Tornadoes together and blapped the 4.7 billion isk hauler.

The truth of today's highsec was revealed, to Ziboren's great shame: Unlicensed jump freighters burn, even in 1.0 security systems. Ziboren's Ark was put to the torch by a tremendously powerful gank armada consisting of Agents Louis de Broglie, Edwin Powell Hubble, Tim Berners Lee, Wolfgang Ernest Pauli, Erwin Schreodinger, James Prescott Joule, Amandus Olson, Linus Pauling, DaergaarTWO, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Werner Karl Heisenberg, Jayden Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joseph John Thomsom, Justin Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jason Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Succulent Spodumain, FidgetSpinning MyApendages, and Homoerotic Finger Painting.

Harry Rotineque brought a naked 3 billion isk pod to a stargate in the heart of highsec. He sat next to the stargate and went AFK. No one knows why he did this. I have my suspicions: I think he was a bot-aspirant who considered himself completely safe in highsec. But Agent Pod-Goo A-GoGo proved him wrong.

Basically, Harry was using a 3 billion isk ship with fewer than 500 hitpoints. It was destroyed by a simple Thrasher. Did Harry deserve to lose his implants? The question answers itself.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

GF GF, Part 1

The New Order kills a lot of highsec miners. Some of them respond by purchasing a mining permit, as the Code requires. Others become notorious.

For example.

But what about the miner's point of view? On occasion, a miner will hint at his or her origin story. In the case of Lilypetals Makanen, she was driven to rebel against the Code because she wanted to avenge her girlfriend.

Today we'll learn about Lilypetals' girlfriend, a Venture pilot who was ganked while mining in highsec despite being a member of Pandemic Horde.

Agent Aiko Danuja expected more from drgneyes Rin. Members of Pandemic Horde ought to be found mining in nullsec (or lowsec, as the case may be).

Our Agent soon learned that communicating with drgneyes would require a bit of effort. drgneyes was primitive. "send week playing need veldspar"? She sounded like some sort of carebear caveman.

If you've ever wondered if anyone has ever actually failed one of those Level 1 mining missions, the answer is apparently yes.

Corporations like Pandemic Horde Inc. and Karmafleet claim to be "new player friendly". But let's be real: The system fails a lot of newbies, and it's up to the New Order to help those who fall between the cracks.

Here we see an intriguing hint about the history of drgneyes and Lilypetals. It turns out that Lilypetals, too, was once a member of Pandemic Horde. She was kicked out after having a meltdown in one of their channels. Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

(Pandemic Horde, if you're listening, I hope you can find the logs of that conversation.)

Though Lilypetals was expelled from Pandemic Horde, drgneyes was unwilling to quit and join her girlfriend in exile--for now. But she couldn't count on Pandemic Horde to assist her with the Level 1 mining mission. She'd need Aiko's help.

At first, drgneyes was interested in learning how to buy a permit. But when she found out that it involved spending money, well, that was a deal-breaker.

Agent Aiko interpreted what drgneyes was telling her. This required patience. At least with Russians you can use Google Translate.

As far as our Agent could tell, drgneyes was reluctant to embrace the Code. The miner wanted a free lunch.

Finally, the miner spelled out her demands: She wouldn't buy a permit unless her Venture loss was triple-reimbursed. Could our heroes save drgneyes and persuade her to obey the Code?

...Well, no. Obviously not. This is a prequel to the post about Lilypetals.

But still, could they?

To be continued...

Friday, May 17, 2019

The Elonaya Conspiracy, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet's bumping activities were met by a token resistance from members of The Trade Syndecate corporation. This was enough to get the attention of Agent AGBee 001, who hoped to convince the corporation's CEO to buy mining permits for everyone in the corp.
AGBee 001 > I can't say I've met many CEOs of mining corps who haven't heard of the Code.
Bladez Runner > I am well aware of code, so well those bitches wont come to Null Sec
Bladez Runner > I think I know where you are going with this. Sorry to take up your most valuable time.
Bladez Runner > HAve a nice day...
AGBee 001 > Well, 1. we do have a nullsec division, check the killboard. And 2., your attitude is not helpful to your linemembers. I'd suggest you check that right quick.
The Trade Syndecate's CEO showed terrible judgment. AGBee knew that such mistakes can be deadly.

(Side note: When carebears whine about the mighty CODE. alliance not going to nullsec, would they respond favorably if they were given a link to one of CODE.'s many supercarrier kills in nullsec? Or would they only become even more upset? One wonders.)
AGBee 001 > You have 20 members. Each member requires a mining permit as part of the action plan.
AGBee 001 > I'm not finished with you yet.
AGBee 001 > Bladez Runner fine, have it your way.
AGBee 001 > I'll make sure to let your linemembers know that you are responsible for what happens to them next.
The CEO abruptly left the private convo. Agent AGBee realized that more force would need to be applied to The Trade Syndecate. For its own good--and for the good of highsec.

Our Agent and his friends began targeting members of The Trade Syndecate. Before long, the corp would be forced to respond.

When a highsec mining corp suffers ganks, it can inhibit recruitment efforts. So far, The Trade Syndecate was doing okay on that front.

Shortly after CEO Bladez Runner's heated conversation with AGBee, The Trade Syndecate received a new application. It was immediately accepted.

The new recruit, Wear ista Beefman, struck up a conversation with the corp's CEO. As any highsec carebear will tell you, there's no better time to learn about a corp than after you join it.

Just minutes after joining, Wear ista Beefman vouched for another potential recruit.

Wear's friend, Greypses Foryuu, was also accepted. The Trade Syndecate was growing quickly for a relatively small corp. Luckily, both recruits had relevant experience in highsec industry.

Wear and Greypses were veterans of Mission Ready Mining. Though it still had over two thousand members, it was classified by as "Possibly Inactive". Judging by its present condition, MRM must have suffered a terrible trauma in the past. Wear and Greypses would take what they learned from their time in MRM and use it for the benefit of The Trade Syndecate.

Bladez knew that Agents of the New Order like AGBee 001 and TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet could give his young corporation trouble. To defeat them, Bladez would need to rely on help from experts.

The Trade Syndecate needed to be capable of defending itself against gankers. That was the new priority.

Though there were clouds on the horizon, Bladez was confident in his corp's future. If everyone in The Trade Syndecate worked together, they could overcome any obstacle.

To be continued...

Thursday, May 16, 2019

The Elonaya Conspiracy, Part 1

Rebels and skeptics claim that ganking miners in highsec serves no purpose. "That's just griefing, bullying, and harassment," they say. In fact, killing miners serves many useful functions. Among them: Smoking out conspiracies against the Code.

A Hulk pilot who belonged to The Trade Syndecate was ganked by a squad from Mischief Managed. corp while he was mining in the Litiura system. The miner also lost his 443 million isk pod.

The very next day, titaniumbeast lost another Hulk, this time in the Elonaya system. His Hulk fit wasn't any better, but on the inside, the miner had been changed.

Losing two Hulks in two days caused titaniumbeast to become radicalized against the Code. He despised all gankers, whether they were from Mischief Managed., Vigilance Training Bureau, or any other group in the New Order. titaniumbeast vowed to take action against them at the next available opportunity.

Within a few hours, titaniumbeast got his chance when he witnessed a Machariel bumping miners out of the Elonaya ice anomaly. Even worse, the bumper was targeting other members of titaniumbeast's corp, The Trade Syndecate. titaniumbeast chose to do something about it.

And so it was that titaniumbeast encountered Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet. They didn't know it yet, but their chance meeting would have profound consequences for both individuals--and for The Trade Syndecate.
titaniumbeast > i got 2 webs and a scram on orca now
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > titaniumbeast but you don't have what it takes to use them, do you?
The miner armed his Orca and watched TheInternet's Machariel continue bumping miners. TheInternet refused to stop bumping; he doubted that titaniumbeast had the courage to CONCORD his Orca by attacking the Machariel. However, other members of The Trade Syndecate were inspired by titaniumbeast's example. They, too, brought ships into the ice anomaly.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Useless Vexor
titaniumbeast > so ur buds can come in to kill me ya right pussy
titaniumbeast > tough guy fifhtin a mining ship.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Oh we're not fighting yet
TheInternet watched as various combat ships locked him--but didn't open fire. 'Twas the classic Carebear Stare.
Captain Duke Ghost > you are just a bitch, who parents treated badly.
Captain Duke Ghost > picking on miners with a battleship
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Would you rather I pick on miners with a cruiser?
The miners proved to be incapable of preventing TheInternet from carrying out his work. The ice anomaly was cleansed--for now.

One good citizen of highsec watched these events unfold with growing concern. She suspected The Trade Syndecate of harboring bot-aspirants.

Agent AGBee 001 hated to see unnecessary violence and conflict take place when a diplomatic solution was possible. She went straight to The Trade Syndecate's CEO.
Bladez Runner > i here you wanted to talk to me
AGBee 001 > Hello. Yes indeed. How are you?
Bladez Runner > I am doing fine
AGBee 001 > That's good to hear.
Bladez Runner > And yourself
AGBee 001 > I'm doing well thank you.
Bladez Runner > good, so what can I do for you?
So far, so good. AGBee and the CEO exchanged pleasantries in a cordial manner.
AGBee 001 > The reason I thought we should chat is that you are the CEO of a corporation that has been found to be in systematic violation of the New Halaima Code of Conduct.
AGBee 001 > I'm hoping that we can work out an action plan to get your corporation compliant.
Bladez Runner > Compliant with what/who?
Bladez Runner > Now I have been playing for 5 years
Bladez Runner > And this is new for me
The CEO pleaded total ignorance. Was it true or a lie? AGBee didn't which was more disturbing.
AGBee 001 > I can't say I've met many CEOs of mining corps who haven't heard of the Code.
Bladez Runner > I am well aware of code, so well those bitches wont come to Null Sec
Bladez Runner > I think I know where you are going with this. Sorry to take up your most valuable time.
Bladez Runner > HAve a nice day...
In an instant--and seemingly out of nowhere--the conversation turned sour. Would more violence and conflict be necessary after all?

To be continued...

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Two Roads in the Darkness, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... During his travels, Agent Hero Of HiSec met two miners, PIKKKKA ZHAO and Lamprey. On the surface, they couldn't have been more different: PIKKKKA was unruly and mined AFK; Lamprey was polite and owned a permit.

Agent Hero was shocked as he found himself ganking Lamprey, whose Retriever was untanked.

Hero couldn't believe that Lamprey, who had so pleasantly greeted him when he entered the system, would violate the Code in this way. Our Agent was filled with righteous indignation.

Agent Hero now had the unpleasant task of deciding whether or not to revoke Lamprey's mining permit. At this moment, he was inclined to do so.

When permit-holders get ganked, they typically have a meltdown--proving that they were never truly Code-compliant to begin with. But Lamprey's reaction was more reasonable.

Based on Lamprey's expression of sincere regret, Hero relented. Miners, take note.

Meanwhile, in local chat, the other miner was growing restless.

Hero's first priority was to attend to Lamprey's rehabilitation in their private convo. PIKKKKA would have to wait.

Lamprey was invited into the MinerBumping channel, where he was expected to seek out an Agent to help him transition from miner to ganker.

...But Lamprey went AFK again.

The miner used his child as an alibi--never a good sign. His future was uncertain.

All this time, PIKKKKA had patiently waited his turn. He still wanted revenge for the loss of his own Retriever an hour earlier.

Agent Hero was eager to have a fair, honourable 1v1 with PIKKKKA. Provided that the combat was conducted according to his chivalric Code, of course.

Our Agent won the battle when PIKKKKA forfeited. With the thrilling taste of victory in his mouth, Hero reflected upon the two miners, PIKKKKA and Lamprey. Both had lost Retrievers to him on the same day and in the same system. Yet the miners were so different in other ways. He could only hope that they would both find their way to a state of glorious compliance with the Code!