Friday, May 31, 2019

The Elonaya Conspiracy, Part 7

Previously, on MinerBumping... The Trade Syndecate faced a mounting crisis when its miners were repeatedly bump-tackled by Agent Kalorned and ganked by his colleagues from the New Order. The corp's leadership proved incapable of handling the situation.

From the shadows, a mysterious individual named "Bgmc" encouraged miners in the Elonaya neighborhood to send CCP false petitions about our Agents.

While bumping some miners, Agent Kalorned received an invitation to a private convo. It was none other than bgmc himself. Oddly, the stranger encouraged Kalorned. Who was this guy?

bgmc was not a member of The Trade Syndecate. In fact, he was a 2008 character who belonged to the Brothers of Tangra alliance.

Brothers of Tangra is a reasonably large sov-holding alliance in nullsec. For some reason, they have a reputation for botting and RMT.

For some reason.

Kalorned chatted politely with the enigmatic fellow from nullsec. For now, he did not question bgmc about why he was so interested in highsec mining operations.

The flattery continued. bgmc complimented Kalorned on his sweet ride.

Even as they spoke, Kalorned's Orthrus bumped the miners in Elonaya. He waited for the other shoe to drop.

...And then it dropped. bgmc, who supposedly enjoyed what Kalorned was doing, suddenly expressed an interest in having him stop it.

bgmc revealed an ulterior motive for the chat: He wanted to negotiate a diplomatic solution to the conflict between the New Order and The Trade Syndecate. Kalorned was skeptical.

Yet another peculiar development: The diplomat from Brothers of Tangra referenced his sister "riley".

The behind-the-scenes message from "Bgmc" encouraging miners to put in false petitions about our Agents had apparently been signed by the diplomat's sister. Was this a case of account sharing?

Something sinister was at work here. It's amazing what a little miner bumping can bring to the surface.

To be continued...

Thursday, May 30, 2019

The Elonaya Conspiracy, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Kalorned joined the fight against The Trade Syndecate and its dastardly, bot-aspirant culture. The miners had no idea how to stop him.

If The Trade Syndecate had any hope that Kalorned's appearance was a fluke, that hope was dispelled within a few days. Kalorned and his bumping Orthrus came back again and again.

Grey Winter had already suffered from the New Order's previous visits. Now he had to endure being bump-tackled by Kalorned before getting ganked.

As before, Agent AGBee 001's gank squad coordinated with the bumper.

Earlier, titaniumbeast had lost his Orca when he foolishly gave Kalorned a kill right. The miner was no longer willing or able to field an Orca. So he lost a Porpoise and a 112 million isk pod instead.

An hour later, another miner from The Trade Syndecate dared to undock. Our Agents considered the possibility that the miner was acting as bait. No such luck. The miner had simply made a mistake. He paid for it with the loss of his Mackinaw and a 229 million isk pod.

The effectiveness of the blockade caused the miners' frustration to escalate exponentially. Now the CEO of the corp, Bladez Runner, was called upon to address the matter personally. He had to prove to his corpmates that he could still lead.

Alas, lacking the tools to do anything about Kalorned, Bladez simply made a failed gank attempt against Kalorned's Orthrus and CONCORDed himself. You might ask yourself, "What kind of gank ship was Bladez Runner willing to sacrifice? We know that he needed to do something to inspire his demoralized corporation. What sort of ship did he bring into battle, as a demonstration of his power and authority?"

Womp womp.

Not long after Bladez Runner's failed gank attempt, Kalorned found himself surrounded by a serious of brilliant explosions. Did The Trade Syndecate finally unlock its potential and bring in some real firepower?

Actually, the corporation organized a fireworks display. It was likely intended as a kind of protest against Kalorned's bumping activities. But our Agent was delighted. He considered it a victory parade--held in honour of his Orthrus and the Code that empowered it.

However, behind the scenes, the carebears who had made their home in Elonaya had sinister machinations in the works. A coalition of The Trade Syndecate's miners and other anti-Code rebels in the area was secretly coordinating a new campaign against our heroes.

To be continued...

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Slow to Learn, Quick to Anger

Gobloks, gobloks, whatcha gonna do?

...Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

KaiserWillhelm was caught in the act of illegal mining. Now, I know what all you rebels out there are thinking: "Incomplete fit, tech I strip miners... The New Order is bullying another new player. That's a newbro whose subscription CCP is trying to retain."

Yeah, a typical newbie from 2005. In 14 years, he hasn't learned how to fit a ship. (Of course, the best Hulk fit is not to pilot a Hulk in the first place.)

Two weeks later, the Highway Police returned and caught KaiserWillhelm committing another crime. After the gank, his pod wasn't in a hurry to get away, so our Agents deleted his 670 million isk worth of implants, too.

When the miner returned to his keyboard, he was invited to purchase a mining permit. Just our Agents' luck--the guy was in a bad mood.

Most miners are eager to discuss their losses in a private convo. Oddly, this particular miner preferred an approach that required a bit more paperwork. However, miners' preferences are not relevant. Agents of the New Order have the authority to determine the manner in which Code enforcement is to be conducted.

Who would've guessed that a guy named KaiserWillhelm would be so bellicose?

Agent Shadow Cyrilus passed things up the chain. Perhaps KaiserWillhelm would be pleased by the opportunity to speak to the Agent's supervisor.

The miner took an aggressive posture. I'm not sure where he got the 2 billion isk figure, but he seemed to enjoy throwing numbers around.

Agent Viirilithizu Ward had a number of her own: 10 million. Until it was paid, it was the only number that mattered.

The miner sent a reply. He was perplexed--but still unlicensed.

KaiserWillhelm's losses continued to mount--in his mind, anyway. He couldn't imagine himself spending 10 million isk, so he decided to block our Agents instead. A protip to the rebellious miners: Our Agents don't send reimbursement isk to people who block them. Also, if you're going to claim that you never committed a crime, you probably shouldn't be wandering around highsec without a permit.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

A Fruitful Friendship

CODE Permit Enforcer > Hey
Perpetual Void > yo ?
CODE Permit Enforcer > You're being bumped for CODE agents. You must pay the ransom fee or be destroyed.
Perpetual Void > for some hurricanes that wont drop lol?
And so began the dance.

Agent CODE Permit Enforcer's Machariel bump-tackled an unlicensed freighter that dared to show its face in Uedama. Its pilot, Perpetual Void, was given the chance to pay a ransom. But could Perpetual trust this bumper?

CODE Permit Enforcer belonged to Cohenberg's Ethical Hauling, a member of Freighter Friends alliance. In other words, her credentials checked out. Still, in EVE, one must be very careful about ransoms.
Perpetual Void > how much
CODE Permit Enforcer > Considering you're carrying 8-10 billion, the fee is at 2 billion.
CODE Permit Enforcer > Gotta make your choice soon.
Perpetual Void > i dont think you will let me go either way
Perpetual Void > so mide as well
Perpetual Void > finish
Perpetual Void > what you started
The freighter pilot played hardball. First he claimed he was only carrying loot that couldn't drop. Then he pretended he didn't care whether he was ganked or not.
CODE Permit Enforcer > Well, we honor our ransoms as it's much more cost effective
Perpetual Void > i dont beileve that and dont think you will change my mind on that if i new you would let me go
CODE Permit Enforcer > I can vouch in our alliance discord
CODE Permit Enforcer > over 500 people
CODE Permit Enforcer > know our legitimacy
Every ransom negotiation is a dance. But the thing about our Agents is, they're elite dancers. They win every dance--always!
Perpetual Void > then let me dock in jita and ill send the 2 b honor that
Perpetual Void > and you get your money
CODE Permit Enforcer > Nah, you'd just not pay.
CODE Permit Enforcer > You have to pay to be let go
Perpetual Void > see
Perpetual Void > we both doubt each other
It soon became clear that Perpetual had no faith in our Agent, much less the "full faith" that is customarily expected of a carebear.
CODE Permit Enforcer > But you're a nobody
CODE Permit Enforcer > I'm a leader of a 500 man organization
Perpetual Void > lol that you know of
Perpetual Void > also have people to vouch for me but you dont see me telling you that cause that dont matter
Neither side was willing to give an inch. Yet it was not a true stalemate. After all, the Agent had Perpetual tackled, with a gank fleet aimed at his head.
CODE Permit Enforcer > well, you can die knowing you denied the legitimacy of a group with over 5 years of honoring contracts
CODE Permit Enforcer > i'm 100% okay with that
CODE Permit Enforcer > hop onto voice
Perpetual Void > on there
Faced with imminent destruction, the freighter pilot agreed to discuss the matter in voice chat on a Discord server. Only a very limited recording of that conversation exists, and only Perpetual's voice:

We can say a few things about what happened next. First, Perpetual paid CODE Permit Enforcer a ransom of 2 billion isk. Second, at some point after making the payment, Perpetual panicked. Instead of waiting to be released, he attempted to escape by logging off.

Assuming that his freighter was now safe, Perpetual's alt, Bobby Haklar, began to boast.
Bobby Haklar > did you only get 2 bill you expected to get?
Bobby Haklar > damn
Bobby Haklar > sucks
CODE Permit Enforcer > just log back in
CODE Permit Enforcer > i promise ill let you go
Bobby Haklar > hehe fool me once but wont happen again brotha
Perpetual crowed about saving his own freighter. Our Agent instructed the carebear to follow protocol, but he refused.
Bobby Haklar > i have to ask were they close
CODE Permit Enforcer > yeah
Bobby Haklar > at least you paid for the talos's
Bobby Haklar > lol not a bad shindig
CODE Permit Enforcer > not at all
CODE Permit Enforcer > it's amazing
CODE Permit Enforcer > especially when 100% of the loot drops
CODE Permit Enforcer > that makes it super profitable
Perpetual had lost 2 billion isk, but he still felt he'd won. He forgot one thing, though. One very important thing.

The CODE always wins. Always! Even as our Agent was speaking to Perpetual's alt, members of CODE Administration corp responded to the carebear's treachery by ganking the logged-off freighter.
CODE Permit Enforcer > nothing is more satisfying
CODE Permit Enforcer > than ransoming 2 bil
CODE Permit Enforcer > and having them drop all 10
CODE Permit Enforcer > all while eating fried pork sausages
Bobby Haklar > wierd how did you get it was off grid
The carebear was astonished. Obviously he didn't read MinerBumping enough. If he had, he would've known that all good things come to those who obey the Code. Those who disobey only have misery and bitterness to look forward to.
Bobby Haklar > ?
CODE Permit Enforcer > hm?
Bobby Haklar > no worries m8 ill petiion to ccp
Bobby Haklar > enjoy your day
CODE Permit Enforcer > lol
For some reason, Perpetual Void thought that logging off would save his ship, no matter the circumstances. (He's a newbie who only started playing in 2008, after all.)
Bobby Haklar > mechanic abuse
Bobby Haklar > for sure
CODE Permit Enforcer > which mechanic
CODE Permit Enforcer > the one where you closed your client
CODE Permit Enforcer > and tried to exit the game mid fight?
Perpetual's treachery and bot-aspirancy had cost him everything. Now his assets would be used to help spread the Code.
CODE Permit Enforcer > that'd be an interesting thing to bring up to GMs :)
Bobby Haklar > its none of your concern inless the gms make it yours i guess
CODE Permit Enforcer > remember when you said "hehe fool me once but wont happen again brotha"
CODE Permit Enforcer > Apparently i did fool you twice, to stay offline long enough for me to get your freighter
The carebear's act of cowardice only ensured the destruction of his ship. Some might call that irony, while others would say it's karma. Either way, it was justice.
Bobby Haklar > joke i thought was on you cause i thought and was sure i got off grid but thats ok its no worries
Bobby Haklar > that 10 bill is nothing
Bobby Haklar > its pixels my friends
CODE Permit Enforcer > they're my pixels now :)
The lesson here is simple: Have faith in the Agents of the New Order. Trust them. And if you truly trust them, you'll obey the Code and buy a permit before they tackle your freighter in Uedama.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Over One Trillion Eight Hundred Nine Billion in Shares Sold

A lot of people made the smart decision to buy New Order shares this month. Dragoncrusher Kei was one of them, but he did something even smarter--he bought New Order shares a second time this month.

With an additional purchase of 1,000 shares, Dragoncrusher got us past the 1,807 billion isk mark and earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Hey, if something works, why not do it again and again and again and again?

Those who "win" EVE by leaving the game sometimes get asked the question, "Can I have your stuff?" I never ask; I know the answer. Of course I can have their stuff. The New Order will make good use of it, too.

Alexander Kirenski's liquidated assets went toward the purchase of 2,051 shares. This ensured his legacy and also got us to the 1,808 and 1,809 billion isk marks. Alexander earned a Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ and the appreciation of highsec.


We all know that MinerBumping features field reports from our brave and noble Agents. Every so often, we'll get a report from an anti-Code type. Though such reports are invariably dishonest, they offer us a different perspective.

Zein Adoudel was ganked by Agent Lewak and friends. He tried to help her see reason. Zein asked me a bunch of uninteresting questions, so we'll skip those and get right to what she sent Lewak a month after she was ganked.

Zein claims to have made a good-faith effort to become an Agent. Did she? Considering she cited the Phantom Provision at the first available opportunity, I'd say her heart wasn't in it.

According to this carebear, the mighty CODE. alliance doesn't gank miners or autopiloters.

(Dead miners? What dead miners?)

Zein's conclusions are disturbing. I mean, she more than anyone else is a Code purist, right? Who better to judge our Code enforcers?

Does she still count as a Former Fan if she never approved of the Code in the first place?

Sunday, May 26, 2019

Kills of the Week

A new player comes to EVE and wants to know how to become "successful" in the game. Is it by grinding a lot of isk? PLEXing a lot of accounts? Cultivating a green killboard? Friend, the only path to success in EVE is the Code. Obey the Code, and everything will take care of itself. The alternative is total ruin, like that experienced by these Code-violating bot-aspirants from the week of May 19th @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 25th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Nila Sotken was led astray by the siren song of the Tech III ship. She spent billions on it, but it's clear she didn't know what she was doing. In EVE, knowledge is far more valuable than bling. Agents Ukira Kunero, Rante Charante, and Ariku Orenuk blapped the Tengu with no difficulty.

Bling wouldn't have saved you, Nila, but your ship would've been better tanked if you had equipped these instead of putting them in your cargo.

The Bagodan system claimed another one: Mu4enik lost his 4.4 billion isk Nightmare when he, too, was blapped by a Tornado squad. Agents Ariku Orenuk, Rante Charante, Vlada Inkunen, and Ukira Kunero helped themselves to 2 billion in loot. Carebears, a "travel fit" is incomplete without a pilot--and a permit.

Judging by his Mackinaw fit, Franco DeZario was a deeply troubled, deeply confused miner. If only he spent less time mining in 0.9 security systems and more time reading the Code. How long do you have to spend mining 0.9 asteroids to earn a billion isk, anyway? Agents Lewak, Shadow Cyrilus, and Viirilithizu Ward successfully eliminated another pair of ORE Strip Miners.

ThE BrotherGrIM went into Uedama with an ORE-fit jump freighter. His fate was sealed. The carebear was bound to attract the attention of the Kusion family--which was eager to defend Uedama's honour. Agents Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jack Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jason Kusion, and Caution AsianDrivers Ahead organized a gank fleet and served justice.

RInSan Oriki was too smart to fit her freighter with cargo expanders, and she was too smart to travel to Uedama. So she went to Niarja in a blank-fit freighter. This aroused the ire of the Rackner family, which was equally enthusiastic about defending Niarja's honour. Agents Kirra Rackner, Jemma Rackner, Emily Rackner, Georgia Rackner, Yan Rackner, Rebecca Rackner, Jani Rackner, Kimberly Rackner, Celestia Rackner, Charlotte Rackner, Olivia Rackner, Zoe Rackner, eviserater Adoudel, Ch3st3r CopperPOT, Nemo Hose, Ivy Rackner, Adara Gaea, Phoenix Rackner, hegils, Globby Rackner, and Ashlee Rackner organized a mob--the good kind--and made sure that RInSan's crimes did not go unpunished.

ABDIMA assembled a cyno-fit rookie ship. No one knows whom ABDIMA was hoping to summon. He was ganked by Agent Pod-Goo RepoWoman, who enjoyed ABDIMA's pod for dessert.

No permit, no ship. No implants or cynos, either.