Monday, September 30, 2019

The Point

When a miner loses a mining ship, sometimes he'll rage. On other occasions, a miner may be more philosophical about the loss.

Sadly, one of the more common philosophies among miners is nihilism.

Despite being a newcomer, Kunari Yeva somehow knew to respond to the gank by voicing concerns about EVE's player retention rates. But Agent Aiko Danuja was prepared. She anticipated Kunari's reaction--and set a trap for him.

Less than 60 seconds after the miner invoked EVE's subscription numbers, Agent Aiko had him in checkmate. Kunari was stunned.

All of you new Agents out there, I hope you're taking notes.

After Kunari collected himself, he spoke up--only to be outmaneuvered once again. Things were not going well for Kunari.

For the first time, the miner considered the consequences of the Code's permit requirement. Was it feasible for him to collect 10 million isk?

The miner had been podded back to where he came from. His prospects looked bleak. Yet Aiko was hopeful.

Without realizing it, Kunari laid out a case in favor of ganking miners in rookie systems.

CCP claims that they plan to overhaul the new player experience again. I can only hope that the next version of the tutorial is better tailored to life in modern highsec.

It seemed as though every time Kunari opened his mouth, he stepped on another landmine.

As it is written, "Although profit is a primary motive of my new business, I strongly believe that corporations should also seek to make a positive contribution to the community. I would like to think that I 'do well by doing good.'"

Kunari struggled to absorb the lessons that our Agent taught him that day. Two things he learned, though:

1. You can't beat an Agent in spaceship combat.
2. You can't beat an Agent in debate.

Better get a permit.

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Kills of the Week

EVE is constructed around the idea of risk versus reward. EVE is also a PvP game at its core. We know this because it is the players who provide the risk--that necessary, necessary risk. Without it, there is no risk and no EVE. So it is absolutely true when we say that the Code, which is essential to the risk of the most populous part of EVE, keeps the game alive. Here's some people who got themselves risked, from the week of September 22nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through September 28th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Nicksum managed to lose a 2.3 billion isk Navy Raven in highsec. That's bad enough, but what's worse is the "how" of the loss. Or, I should say, the who:

Ah, Agents Krig Povelli and Vishnu Calm. Just when you thought it was safe to not understand the aggression rules in EVE.

The anti-tanking of hauling ships has long been a serious problem in highsec. Mei Impetus had absolutely no qualms about reducing her ship's EHP and going AFK. She thought she'd benefit from it somehow, but all she managed to do was allow Agents Votre Dieu, Astrid Tyrfing, and Narl' Amhar to use fewer Tornadoes to blap her.

As last week came to a close, Xenrath Rova embraced the anti-tanking epidemic and took it to the extreme. He had no patience and fewer hitpoints. Agent Ariku Orenuk knocked him out and managed to score a 6.3 billion isk killmail on a tech I hauling ship.

Ladies and gentlemen, the definition of bot-aspirancy in one screenshot.

There's more to Xenrath's tale, but we must leave that for another time.

Few miners have the gall to use a Prospect to mine in highsec. Apparently Jenny Trafalgar thought she could ward off potential gankers by blinging up her frigate until it was worth over 600 million isk.

Jenny, that's not how ganking works.

Agent Aaaarrgg was happy to bring this criminal to justice and scoop up nearly half a billion isk in loot.

The next day, in the same system (what is going on in historic Kamio these days?), HANNIBLE83 went mining in a billion isk Mackinaw. The miner's strange and unnatural bling fit was bound to attract attention. It did. Agents Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Aaaarrgg, and Pod-Goo Repoman quietly removed the miner from the system.

Choppa Fusion got caught in Agent Cautiously Optimistic's now-frequent smartbombing experiments in lowsec. Hopefully this will send a message that reaches the ears of highsec, as well.

Carebears put their faith in expensive toys; our Agents need carry only the Code (and maybe a ship or whatever, if they feel like it). So far it looks like our approach is the more successful one.

Saturday, September 28, 2019

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #193

What a happy, tear-free miner. It must mean we're due for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Unlicensed miner Debbie Mclachlan claims gankers have sent EVE into a death spiral. I thought everyone was blaming WoW Classic?

Anti-Code resistance movements are like soap bubbles. They tend to disappear after a few seconds.

Miyamoto SanKawa made an especially poor case for reimbursement of his lost ship...

...But at least it was a memorable one.

More evidence of the criminality of the bot-aspirants: Our Agents shouldn't have to ask for permit money.

We don't yet have a Japanese translation of the Code, but it looks like Japanese miners are still able to find the Phantom Provision somewhere.

Sometimes anti-Code carebears, when protected by anonymity on Reddit or in the comments, claim that they've been mining for years without ever seeing a member of the mighty CODE. alliance...

...The truth is that anyone without a permit is likely to be ganked early and often.

If you don't feel like using Google Translate, a friendly nudge is usually enough to help a miner speak your language. After all, an Agent of the New Order always holds all the cards.

...But that's only the first step.

Agent Aiko Danuja's remark: "I am a princess, you must obey me, my word is law." Such a proclamation is enough to hold the attention of even the most disengaged miners.

Miners pretend to care about CCP's subscription revenues, but the truth is that carebears are a vindictive breed. They have no concern for CCP's financial state at all. Why, they'd rather watch Iceland sink into the ocean than pay a ganker 10 million isk! Heartless creatures.

Friday, September 27, 2019

Parental Advisory, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agents of the New Order are accustomed to parrying rebellious carebears' excuses for not obeying the Code. But highsec miner and self-proclaimed lawyer Richard The-Crusader raised the stakes when he accused our heroes of violating the EULA by ganking his alleged son.

Though Richard claimed to have a long history in EVE and powerful friends in nullsec, he also wanted to benefit from protections normally afforded only to newbies. Why? Because his son, a supposed newbie, was at the controls when his mining ship was ganked.

But there were complications. Richard accidentally admitted that his son created the character, which was registered a year and a half before the gank.

Faced with a mountain of evidence against him, Richard would need to use every legal trick he could think of to salvage his "newbie" defense.

In a dramatic moment, Richard left the channel. Miners have surrendered in situations less dire than Richard's. But this carebear wasn't ready to give up.

Richard decided that if he was going down, he was going down swinging.

The miner created a new legal theory: It doesn't matter how long a character has existed. It doesn't even matter how many years the player has spent in EVE. A character is still a "newbie" if someone else is sitting at the keyboard.

Richard's theory was expansive. If adopted by CCP's GM team, it would grant newbie protection to virtually every character in highsec--a dangerous precedent indeed.

Setting aside any biases they may have had, our Agents weighed Richard's legal arguments and determined that they didn't hold water. The gank had been legal. Their judgment was a stunning blow to Richard's case.

Richard had two options now: Buy a permit or raise the stakes even further.

Richard went all-in.

The miner unleashed a dazzling and unexpected multipronged assault. He blamed the gank on his alleged son's alleged cancer all while throwing his son's shrew of a mother under the bus. His ex-wife(?) and her poor parenting skills were the reason why his son was so inexperienced at EVE.

Only now did our Agents truly understand what they were up against. It was a fight to the finish.

To be continued...

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Parental Advisory, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec miner Richard The-Crusader came under heavy scrutiny when he lost a mining ship and blamed it on his son, who was allegedly at the controls when it was ganked. Our Agents urged Richard to man up and buy a permit, but he was determined to resist the Code.

Richard claimed to be a lawyer IRL. Now he would bring all of his legal training to bear against the New Order.

Interestingly, Richard's first instinct was to look up "extortion" in the dictionary, which is something we've seen miners do hundreds of times over the years. Highsec asteroid belts are basically law school, I guess.

The self-proclaimed terrestrial lawyer attempted to prove that highsec's law was itself illegal. He failed.

Seeking a decisive battle, our Agents focused on the heart of the matter: Was Richard's son really to blame? Did the miner even have a son? Richard knew that this was an important moment in the debate. He needed to speak about his son's existence in a convincing manner.

...Naturally, he took the opportunity to throw his son under the bus.

Richard's story got a mixed reception from our Agents. At best, the miner had confessed that the gank was necessary to teach the miner's son to listen to his parents.

Once again, Richard became sensitive at the suggestion that he wasn't father of the year. However, our Agents were under no obligation to pussyfoot around the miner's particular sensitivities. So they called it like they saw it, as Agents of the New Order do.

Incredibly, Richard declared that buying a permit didn't merely fund future ganks; it was the same as selling his son into slavery. This is what's known as digging in one's heels.

Under these conditions, selling a permit wouldn't be easy. Our Agents would need to radically transform Richard's worldview.

For starters, our heroes needed to convince Richard that they were only acting in his son's best interests.

Then the miner fell silent. This often happens in a conversation when one of our Agents makes an especially powerful argument. Then the miner will either do something really smart, like buy a permit...

...Or he'll do the other thing.

To be continued...