Monday, October 15, 2018

Guess the Pod, Round 1

Agent ST0NER SMURF and his colleagues in Vrix Nation corp (a proud member of the mighty CODE. alliance) perform an important job. They're Code enforcers, of course, and they specialize in ganking autopiloting pods. Many of those who get ganked are furious, despite the fact that anyone who slowboats a pod 15km to a stargate should expect to be shot. If you're a MinerBumping reader, you've doubtless read many tearmails from such unreasonable carebears.

Today, we're going to do something a little different. Would you like to play a game, dear reader?

Each of the tearmails you see below was written by someone who lost a worthless pod, one that contained no implants. These are called "bully pods" in the common parlance. (And no, Anti-Gankers, they're not called that because the gank recipient was being bullied.)

Every pod was empty--every pod except one. One of these tearmails was written by someone who lost a blingy pod. So that's the game. It's your job, dear reader, to guess whose pod was the expensive one.

Shall we begin?

andre marshalll feigns ignorance of the Code. He even apologizes, which is rare. Perhaps he's hoping to get some expensive implants reimbursed. Or maybe his good manners suggest he's not bot-aspirant enough to autopilot in an expensive pod. Then again, he's a mission runner, so maybe he has some money.

Shadea Kavees is an odd duck. He claims to know the Saviour of Highsec. Clearly, he's trying to intimidate our Agent. But if he only lost a bully pod, what's the point?

Sara Sharvas is a list maker. She also wants payback. Who would need to get revenge for an empty pod?

Short and simple, Atrasadinho's tearmail didn't take much time. He may have found the gank to be a sign of insanity because his pod was empty. Surely his was one of the bully pods.

Ashura Rogue is dismissive--maybe a little too dismissive. She works hard to make sure our Agent knows just how little she cares about the loss of her pod. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Alubias Con Chorizo knows that he is one of many who has been caught in a wide net. He reasons that our Agent's action must be part of a scam. If his pod were expensive, maybe the act wouldn't need justification?

Celestial Trifecta shows genuine interest in purchasing a permit. This is someone who doesn't want to lose another pod. The loss of some pricey implants would certainly explain why.

Zokin wants our Agent to know that he only goes AFK for big, important reasons. Could he have lost a big, important pod?

benjamin fury didn't do a good job of reading the Code the last time he checked--no surprise there. He, too, has an excuse for his appearing AFK, but a more believable one. Regardless, why the need to justify himself to our Agent, unless he was angling for reimbursement?

Archirix Tawate, on the other hand, doesn't look like someone interested in reimbursement. A quick message and he's off. Another bully pod to go in the pile, it would seem.

There you have it, dear reader. Nine empty pods and one with treasure. Who lost their implants? Ponder the mystery and, when you have arrived at a conclusion, scroll down for the answer.

My face shall serve as your spoiler warning.

Here it is, a loss of 1.97 billion isk, including a Mining Foreman Mindlink. The pod belonged to Zokin, who claimed that he was AFK to deal with an emergency in real life.

Our Agent, too, was responding to an emergency: He saw a carebear violating the Code.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Kills of the Week

No permit, no ship. Comply or die.

These are words of wisdom--words to live by. Those who reject wisdom in favor of bot-aspirancy get wrecked, like these Goofuses from the week of October 7th @ 00:00 EVEtime through October 13th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

I think we can all agree that this is not the best way to use a frigate. Yet Zenic Pyro voluntarily equipped a frigate with precisely three cargo expanders, undocked, and went on autopilot with 2.6 billion isk worth of cargo. Agents Lisa Tancos and Theodor Tancos gave Zenic some constructive criticism in their usual manner.

Don't do drugs, kids. And bot-aspirancy is a helluva drug.

What happens when you undock a 20 billion isk Bowhead and send it into Uedama? xNicux must've known the answer, but he didn't care. He didn't care about permits or the Code or anything else. Luckily, xNicux's fate wasn't up to xNicux. Instead, the will of the people spoke powerfully against him, from a gank armada with 60 members!

Agents Jason Kusion, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Aruka, Justin Kusion, Tax Collector Kittens, Jayson Kusion, Tax Collector Max, Joseph Kusion, Jake Kusion, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Pod Destroyer Molly, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Tax Collector BokChoy, Joel Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Tax Collector Yuna, Jacob Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Johanthan Kusion, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Kimi, Josh Kusion, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Shardani, Jeremy Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Tax Collector Hill, Benji Rackner, Jack Kusion, Tax Collector Stroheim, Jeffery Kusion, Georgia Rackner, Jimmy Kusion, Jani Rackner, Jessie Kusion, Ashlee Rackner, Josiah Kusion, Rebecca Rackner, Shadow01 OMEGA, Jemma Rackner, Emily Rackner, Kirra Rackner, Yan Rackner, eviserater Adoudel, Olivia Rackner, Zoe Rackner, Celestia Rackner, Australian Excellence, Charlotte Rackner, Ivy Rackner, Kimberly Rackner, Globby Rackner, holdmybeer, Ding Dong MingMong, and HSM Vice Admiral reflected the popular opinion of highsec when they killed that Bowhead.

Fortis spiritus chose to pilot a Skiff instead of a Hulk. That was where the good news ended for Fortis, however. The miner failed to purchase a mining permit, and he showed extreme recklessness by indulging in bling. Agents Max August Zorn, Ernst Steinitz, Augustus De Morgan, and Niels Henrik Abel took him down. The Umokka system responded thusly:

Highsec shows little sympathy for Code violators these days.

Hearts and minds.

Consider the tale of 237 Mining and Production corp. They were wardecced and had their 5.6 billion isk engineering complex blown up by Agents Hulk Poddington, Skiff Poddington, and JF Poddington. Just prior to the destruction of this structure, the offending corp sent our heroes the following:

Judging by the destruction of the Raitaru, this offer was rejected. Agent Lawrence Lawton explains:

CCP may have allowed these botters to escape punishment, but our Agent did not. Once again, the wardec mechanic proved its value.

Para Moufas disgraced herself and her ship. Incredibly, she did this in Uedama. Justice is especially swift in that system. This time, it was delivered by Agents Aiko Danuja, Jake Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Joel Kusion, Josh Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jack Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, and Jason Kusion.

Now let's talk about pods. This was a big week for 5 billion isk pods. The most expensive was a 5.7 billion isk pod that belonged to xNicux, the guy with the 20 billion isk Bowhead. We've said enough about him, though, so his pod won't be featured as the Podkill of the Week. Our Agents also ganked a 5.6 billion isk pod and a 5.3 billion isk pod this week. And now for one more:

GemBi was mining away in Kamio--historic Kamio!--when his Hulk was obliterated by Agent Ernst Steinitz.

Implants worth 5.69 billion isk were destroyed. A bit less than an hour later, the AFK miner finally awoke from his slumber and sent our Agent a message.

GemBi wasn't happy. He wasn't particularly coherent, either.

When reminded of his obligation to obey the Code, GemBi cursed our Agent. (Don't worry about carebear curses; they're as harmless as the miners who cast them.)

GemBi falsely claimed that it was "difficult" for him to acquire his 5.69 billion isk implants. Time-consuming, maybe, but grinding isk isn't difficult. Difficulty is better measured by how many people are capable of doing it. Creating a civilization--now that's a challenge. Few have the strength or the skill. Worry not, though: Our Agents can teach you!

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #168

Looks like not much has changed since CCP updated their policy on real-life death threats. Genuine, lasting change comes only through the Code. Welcome to another exciting edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

"They've never ganked me, but I hate them so much that they make me violate the EULA."

I believe this technically falls under the New Order Bathroom Protocol.

Kimberly Mcoy claims she went AFK "to check something out". At least the other guy was honest.

"Studying"? I'll just leave this here:
New Order Bathroom Protocol

More solid advice from Anti-Ganking. No wonder petitions take so long to get answered.

You need a "guarantee" to protect your 10 million isk investment in a permit? I suppose you could ask one of our Agents to sell you permit insurance. Only 10 million isk per permit covered.

The anti-Code rebels get more pessimistic by the day. Maybe they should tell carebears to obey the Code so they don't provide us with easy kills and loot drops.

Salarion managed to get his permit revoked. Should've bought permit insurance.

If you enter a system and wonder who the Agents are, look for the people who demonstrate good sportsmanship.

Code violators don't have as much fun playing EVE as those who enforce the Code do. There's a lesson to be learned there.

"I'm a defenseless newbie. Also, live in fear of my terrible revenge." Miner logic.

People sometimes ask how someone should respond to being ganked, if not with tears and anger. Thanking the ganker is always a good start.

Friday, October 12, 2018


Have you ever read one of those negative reviews about EVE on Steam?

A lot of them are probably written by Venture pilots.

Agent Minx Mattel introduced Commander Hodenkobold to the concept of elite PvP. The miner immediately played the newbie card and threatened to quit the game.

Back when I was a new player, people didn't act like this when they lost a ship. But it seems to be very, very common now. What could account for this cultural shift?

And yes, it's a safe bet that CCP knows about our mining permits.

Though he'd only been playing for three days, Commander Hodenkobold was fully versed in all the carebear arguments about player retention, subscriber numbers, and the rest of it. We're seeing this sort of thing a lot these days. Something strange is afoot in highsec.

With one final passive-aggressive whine about new players, Commander Hodenkobold terminated the convo. But he wasn't finished yet.

Still angry about the loss of his Venture, the miner began posting bulletins about Agent Minx in local chat.

Instead of sending a negative review to Steam, Commander Hodenkobold was writing negative reviews in local about the Agent who ganked him.

It was the only form of revenge the miner would consider. Engaging in spaceship combat--in a spaceship combat game--was out of the question. He wouldn't stoop to that level.

Previously, the miner had expressed much concern about CCP's subscription revenues. But if he couldn't enjoy his Venture in total safety, then he'd rather see every new player quit the game. This greedy little miner threw CCP under the bus!

There was no reasoning with Commander Hodenkobold. Anyone who dared shoot a miner in highsec was deemed less than human.

At this point, the pro-theme park carebears and their apologists would say that this encounter justifies eliminating all risk in highsec. "CCP has been deprived of another new player's money!" they would cry. However, there's more to the story. The miner didn't actually quit the game. In fact...

In a few weeks, the former highsec miner was engaging in PvP with Pandemic Legion in nullsec. If it hadn't been for Agent Minx and the Code, Commander Hodenkobold would still be AFK mining highsec ore in a Venture--if he didn't quit the game out of boredom.

Sounds like the Code was the best thing that ever happened to him, no?