Saturday, February 23, 2019

EVE Online New Player Guide, Part 1

For the past several years, the EVE community has been abuzz with a lot of interest and concern regarding new players. Interestingly, the number of new EVE players has steadily declined during that time. (The decline has occasionally been interrupted by exceptional events such as major nullsec wars or the introduction of free-to-play accounts.) Though the amount of new blood has waned over the years, there has been an opposite trend when it comes to people claiming "new player" status and special privileges. You can hardly throw a round of Antimatter Charge S into an asteroid belt without hitting someone who whines about being a "new returning player" or some other such nonsense.

In short, newbies have become more trendy even as they've become less common. On multiple occasions, I have written on the hypocrisy of crusty old carebears who wrap their bot-aspirancy in the flag of newbroism. Nevertheless, there is one legitimate point to be made about how to improve the lot of the newbies--that is, the "new player experience" (NPE). EVE lacks a suitable tutorial. This, too, is something I've often remarked upon--especially the need for Code-related content in the tutorial.

For reasons known only to the remaining CCP employees who work on EVE, the company has consistently failed to heed my recommendations on this matter. Apparently they don't care as much as I do about helping newbies and boosting CCP's revenues. However, the Code has never been about sitting around and waiting for CCP to do stuff. That's the carebear way. The Agents of the New Order are known for being proactive, innovative, and revolutionary. Unlike the carebears, we do not view ourselves as the victims of our circumstances. We seize the initiative and shape our own destinies--and everyone else's. Good for us!

With that in mind, I have taken the first step in improving the NPE by creating the definitive EVE Online New Player Guide. If you know someone who's considering joining EVE, send them here. If you're one of the countless MinerBumping readers who has never actually played EVE yet, this post is for you. And if you are a potential EVE player who went online to search for a new player guide, hopefully Google sent you here. We've promoted their translation service enough; they owe us.

EVE Online New Player Guide

Let's be honest: Starting EVE can be a daunting experience for a truly new player. I've told CCP to do something about the game's 1970s UI with its indistinct, monochrome icons. New player, none of your struggles can be blamed on me or my Agents. We're the people who want to help you. Trust us and no one else.


Lesson #1. Trust James 315 and the Agents of the New Order. You must assume everyone else you meet is lying to you. They don't want you to succeed, but we do.

How do you cut through the clutter and get to the heart of the game? Don't go alone. If you're trying to follow the tutorial and claw your way up the EVE "learning cliff", you'll get discouraged. You'll probably quit and find something else to do with your free time, just like the vast, vast majority of other people who tried EVE.

The only way you're likely to succeed is if you're invested in EVE before you even start trying to play. And even then, you'll need to listen to some good advice before you begin your journey. You don't learn to swim by being parachuted alone into the middle of the Pacific Ocean in the dead of night--a horrifying prospect. The good news is that there's a better option: Learn about EVE from MinerBumping.

Lesson #2. Don't learn how to play EVE by signing up to play EVE, or by playing EVE. First, spend time reading my website.

There is literally no reason why anyone should create an EVE account without first reading the Code. Of course, plenty of people are unaware of the Code before they start EVE. (And then our Agents introduce them to it--violently if necessary.) If you're reading this guide--if you're reading the Code--take comfort and satisfaction in knowing that you're already light years ahead of the other newbies, who, statistically, are almost certainly drowning in despair at this very moment.

You know how a lot of games have "achievements" that you unlock by performing some task? EVE has something like that, but naturally CCP botched its implementation. Never mind. The best content in EVE is the content that the players make for themselves.

Lesson #3. Unlock your first achievement by reading the Code!

You're well on your way.

To be continued...

24 comments:

  1. New players who don't read and follow the Code are 80% more likely to succumb to frustration and despair, possibly suicide ganking their own kid.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "For reasons known only to the remaining CCP employees who work on EVE"

    True.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm mining now come and find me.

    I have left my last spot and am heading towards the forge.

    Happy hunting

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've change directions, I like the idea of the city.

      Happy hunting

      Delete
    2. I am gay and am now heading to the gay place in Eve.

      Happy hunting

      Delete
    3. I'm sorry you feel such a way to a challenge.
      If you're not elite you can just give up.

      P.s. I am mining in metropolis.

      Happy hunting

      Delete
    4. Knew it, code is a bunch of homophobe nazis.

      Delete
    5. Well seems as if I could not be killed today. Tomorrow perhaps. Maybe I should just stay in one place and see how long that lasts.

      Till next time

      Happy hunting

      Delete
    6. Pretending not to be butthurt about being ganked and deflecting with reverse psychology by coming here daily to anonymously lay down a futile challenge is really sad and just goes to show how much you are bothered.

      i like it when you miners mine crap in highsec for 6-10 hours a day and before the end of the month fly it to jita only to be poleaxed in 20 secs and forfeiting your loot to us.


      Hahahahaha thanks for the free isk.

      Delete
    7. I understand karma, you're not up to the challalenge.

      Happy hunting

      Delete
    8. I understand why you are anonymous.

      Stay mad.

      Delete
  4. I'm too scared to reveal my character name, but I'll dress it up as a challenge even though I am most likely lying about my location as all highsec miners tend to do.

    Happy hunting

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a real goblok.

      Delete
    2. Well then looks like you're not elite either

      Happy hunting

      Delete
  5. If James 315 was in charge of development we'd have far fewer Gobloks and a healthier game.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Looks like we found happy hunting anon

      Delete
    2. Did anyone see what this Goblok said before he was filled with shame and removed it?

      Delete
    3. Sorry that wasn't me. It's ok if you think I would make it that easy, I know you all are used to some very absent minded miners.

      Happy hunting

      Delete
    4. He's definitely a handsome devil.

      Delete
    5. Just another anonymous hero miner.

      Kalynn shardani at least used his character name when raging in the comments section of minerbumping.

      But we don't accept child ganking as a baptism.

      Delete
    6. Butthurt Miner?

      Delete
  7. If you are a new player DON'T READ THIS this is a guide to not many people liking you very much in the game and a lot less freedom then the game offers.
    CODE. is a alliance dedicated to causing others misery. So unless you want to be like them don't read this. Look to YouTube like Eve Business Insider. That will teach you more advanced mechanics while giving you the freedom this game has. There is also a corp called Eve University that can teach you the game ground up and can hold your hand until you know the game well.
    Fly Safe and Free Newbros. Vindica Irvam -2019

    ReplyDelete
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