Monday, February 25, 2019

EVE Online New Player Guide, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... EVE Online got its first really good, comprehensive New Player Guide.

If you've been following the guide, so far you've spent time familiarizing yourself with MinerBumping and reading the Code. Once you've done that, you're ready to take things to the next level. Let's dive right in!

Lesson #4. Unlock your second achievement by reading the Code again.

This is a big one. People often say that the second time they read the Code was the most important. Their reasoning is simple: When they discovered how much more they got from the Code on a second reading, they started to realize the true depth of the Code. The Code is not a one-and-done affair; it's the gift that keeps on giving. And giving, and giving, and giving...

You could read the Code a hundred times and still collect new treasures. But for now, let's set the Code aside and focus on EVE the game.

Lesson #5. There's much to be gained from reading old MinerBumping posts, even if you choose one at random.

There are nearly 3,000 MinerBumping posts. It's an impressive statistic, but it doesn't even begin to tell you the sheer value that MB puts at your fingertips. Allow me to provide you with a couple of illustrations. Suppose you ganked a highsec miner and collected some of his tears, and then you posted the tears on the EVE subreddit. There's a good chance that your post would be upvoted to the top, especially if the miner's tears were especially entertaining. Yet that highly-rated post would represent the tiniest fraction of what is daily available on MinerBumping.

It's difficult to describe how unique MinerBumping is, and how lucky you are to have found it. Try to find its counterpart for any other video game in existence, and you are sure to be disappointed. There's nothing like it anywhere else. It is a special gift to the human race.

One more illustration. Imagine a planet like our Earth, one with small amounts of precious metals such as gold hidden across its surface. Now imagine a second planet. This planet is comprised almost entirely of gold. A gold planet! But it, too, has very small quantities of precious metals: Super-gold, as valuable compared to gold as gold is to dirt. Now imagine a third planet--a whole planet of super-gold. The super-gold planet has, for those lucky enough to find it, trace amounts of super-super-gold.

Basically, reading MinerBumping is like finding yourself in a super-super-goldmine.

Lesson #6. Put in the time, even if it means putting other projects aside.

There's a saying often attributed to Abraham Lincoln: "If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening my axe." Now, it's probable that ol' Abe never actually said this. That doesn't matter, though, because Lincoln never played EVE. (If he did, you can be darned sure that he would've been a strong supporter of the Code. Tellingly, we know that John Wilkes Booth would've sympathized with the Anti-Gankers.)

Let's go back to that quote about the axe. The point, of course, is that sometimes it's better to put more time into preparing for a task--and less in taking the actions to perform it. This wisdom applies to EVE. You could waste away many an hour by floundering around in the game, trying to figure out what to do. Or you could prepare yourself by reading the Code and reading MinerBumping. Then, when you do finally do fire up the EVE client, you can hit the ground running. That's how the best EVE players do it.

"But James 315," you say. "I only have a limited amount of time to play computer games. Where am I supposed to find the time to do all of this reading before I even get to play the game?"

Do you have access to a computer at work?

"But James 315," you say. "I need to keep my job to pay the bills. I can't afford to get fired for reading your blog at work."

Here's another statistic: The number of confirmed cases of people being fired for reading MinerBumping? Zero. By contrast, countless millions of people have lost their jobs for all sorts of other reasons. Even people who spend their time focused on "work" lose their jobs. Think of all the CCP employees who poured their hearts and their time into Dust 514, World of Darkness, "Walking in Stations", EVE: Valkyrie, Project Nova, etc., etc. So it's not like doing your job means you can't be fired.

Then consider all of the people who have been fired for misconduct at work. Think of all the cases of abuse, the #MeToo movement, and all the rest of it. What if all those people had been spending their time reading old MinerBumping posts instead of mistreating their co-workers? No wonder no one's ever been fired for reading MinerBumping; companies could save millions of dollars on lawsuits. To say nothing of the human cost.

One final point on this. Some places of business have an IT person who monitors how the company internet is used. I spoke to someone who does this as part of his job. I asked what he would do if the logs showed that one of the employees was reading MinerBumping. He said he'd probably buy the guy a beer. How do you like that?

To be continued...


  1. Another brilliant nugget in our super-super-gold mine.

    Praise James! \o/

  2. OMG!

    Where was this guide when I started playing EVE?

    If anyone wants to hold anything against James and The New Order... then it is that it has taken so long for them to produce such a guide. Years of suffering could have been avoided.

  3. wow just wow. antigankers failing so hard.

    Antigankers new player guide would go something like this -

    1. Shardani

    Self Explanatory

    2. Whine and petition CCP about everything

    Lodge petitions non-stop daily because you fail to stop ganks non-stop daily continuously all the time.

    1. Hahahaha hey that walking in stations thing was included so that ag had something to do while we were in system.

      Kalynn shardani i heard liked the couch.

  4. Just think of what Knowledgeminer could do if he found himself in our super-super-goldmine. He'd probably start winning. XD

    1. Talking about "very special boys" … Gevlon announced that he is quitting blogging.

  5. This entire article is a diamond mine of quotes. I will extract and use them to educate the degenerate carebears in Hek!

    And if a miner were to lose their job, livelihood and home for reading The Code at work - they are welcome to talk it through with me over TeamSpeak.

    1. You mean a super-super-goldmine?

  6. Wow, I can keep mining and no one is looking for me.

    Happy hunting

  7. CHODEanon hasn't posted in a while, I hope he is ok?

  8. This is Mrs. Pirtle, ChodeAnon's ex-wife. I'm also really worried about him. He's been a regular reader of your blog for two years, and always comes away laughing, but he hasn't posted since the evening of February 23! He's just gotten really sad and quiet and spends hours in his room, crying and praying and drinking himself into a sullen stupor. I asked him if he wanted to read the new Minerbumping post and he just started punching the wall and kicked our poor little dog, Miffie. My new boyfriend James (same name, different guy) was staying with us, because he is the traveling overseer for our local Kingdom Hall, and they actually got into a fight! Sometimes I feel like this game has really taken control of John's soul, it's like he's becoming a bot-aspirant (as you say) in his own life. I just hope he's finally hit rock bottom and can finally find the strength to repent for his evil and sinful ways.

    1. Ohh no, not another kalynn shardani.

      Did you have minors with this bot aspirant?

    2. I believe we found CHODEanon in the game
      going by the name of Vazqez McLoud

    3. You guys seriously cannot separate game from rl anymore. Seek help

    4. Some anonymous miner just got mad it seems.

      I guess that character will be for sale on the bazzar as of today.

      Moral of the story: anonamice never prosper.

  9. Hey alex newman, why you not answer the skype calls bro?

    What time is it when i ring you to ask you 3 challenge questions?

    The sooner you talk to me and arrange a mining permit the better.

  10. Jamey's chode. propaganda website is banned at my workplace, and has been for several years. I should know, I put in on the blacklist myself.

    1. Otherwise all your co-workers would join us.

    2. Oh thank heavens, this blog wouldn't be the same without our most loyal readers!!!

    3. I find it fun that the miner waited several years to tell us this.

      Just imagine him, suppressing a manic cackle, knowing that his deed will finally bring down The Code. He'd love to brag, but he knows he has to stay silent. His master plan shound't be revealed too soon. He has to live with a great joy he can never share anyone.

      But a few years later, the time arrives! On a gloomy Tuesday, he reveals his stroke of genius. No doubt he'll be remembered by generations of carebears. An IT guy blocks a gaming-related website at the company computers! Marvelous! Fantastic!

      Such a bold move would earn the respect of anyone who never heard of reality, or EvE.

    4. If it is webblocked liked my workplace is, it was a leftwing failure.

      I just use the workplace forums to post my weekly/ daily adventures in EVE.

      I suspect we work at the same place miner.

      But as always, CODE wins again. Thanks for the added playerbase of new order agents bro.

      27 and counting.


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