Monday, February 11, 2019

Order in the Court, Part 1

Say, dear reader, does this Covetor look familiar?

In the Sulking in Kino series, we saw what happened when btujustin btujustin was ganked--but we didn't see btujustin himself. Instead, we saw things from the perspective of Agent Minx Mattel, who dealt with other carebears in the system:

As you'll recall, Minx had her hands full dealing with space lawyers and mouthy miners in Kino. Meanwhile, her fellow Agents were occupied elsewhere. The truth is, dear reader, our Agents are constantly active everywhere in highsec. MinerBumping can only hope to report a tiny fraction of what goes on in New Order territory each day.

While the events of "Sulking in Kino" were unfolding, Agent Aiko Danuja and other members of the gank fleet summoned btujustin into a private convo.

In fact, it was a courtroom--and the miner was in the dock. He didn't know it yet, but btujustin was in for the fight of his life. Did he have the charisma, sophistication, and diplomatic skill needed to talk his way into the Agents' good graces?

...Early signs were not promising for this miner. Protip for the carebears: Don't forget that our Agents are also judges. They will judge you.

Though powerful almost beyond belief, our Agents are also filled with a surprisingly decent amount of compassion.

btujustin was defiant. In reality, our Agents are quite capable of patrolling the entirety of highsec. By contrast, btujustin could only be in one place at any given time.

The miner attempted to outwit our Agents with a few lies. Like countless other miners before him, he was cut down to size by our Agents' wit and wisdom.

Although btujustin accidentally torpedoed his own reimbursement claim, there was still some unsettled business. He was missing something.

The court rendered a fair verdict: btujustin needed a mining permit.

The miner could've purchased a permit right then and there. Instead, he indulged in some idle bluster--while failing to stop our Agents from making money off of him. He indirectly gave our Agents isk, but in a way that wouldn't earn him any credit. From btujustin's perspective, this was the worst of both worlds. Why do so many miners do this?

...Perhaps because they are Goofuses.

To be continued...


  1. I like the way you write it.
    Very interesting is what you write.
    It is very important that what you write.

  2. ... for certain interpretations of 'better'. Better at failing. Better at making poor decisions. Better at wasting time and money. Better at missing the entire point of EVE.

  3. Praise James! Miners think they can distract Agents when in fact they become double as effective!

  4. Btujustin's courtroom strategy has all the hallmarks of a certain long-lost and much lamented Nigerian lawyer. Next time I'm charged with serious offences, I need to remember that telling the judge and jury to "go fuck yourself" wins every time.

    1. You know i have a longing for a good teamspeak CODE court.

      I miss that really.

      Thanks retard tegg.

  5. Space lawyers crack me up.

    Don't waste CCPs time with support tickets and digital queens council.

    1: you are highsec miners
    2: you are nothing but target practice
    3: you are breaking the law

    Plead guilty, know your place and get a permit.

  6. James,
    While I know you were being your normal clever self, the use of the term "dock" to describe the condition of the miner undergoing trial is incorrect. The term should have been either "docket" or "trial docket" and refers to either the cases in court or the parties themselves who have cases in court. While I'll leave judging the severity of your error to either you or the good professor, I thought I should bring it to your attention as a form of aiding your quest for perfection.

    Congratulations to you and your wonderful February contest.
    The increased activity is evident everywhere in New Eden.

    1. Agent, "the dock" is indeed a legal term. It's traditionally the small wooden pulpit, near the judge, where the accused sits in English legal courts, the accused is not necessarily sat near their advocates. Hence "In the Dock" can also mean to be "in some trouble", for example, "The New Order put me in the dock again!!!" "Oh, you were AFK again?"

  7. You should probably consult a dictionary before you try to correct a writer

  8. Space lawyering, grammer nazis and bot aspirancy.

    They reveal those who engage in them are just failures.

    If shardani did not self destruct he would have needed a good " real lawyer ".

  9. Princess Aiko is a miner's greatest advocate! They would do well to heed her counsel.

    Praise James!

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