Tuesday, October 27, 2015

James 315 Tactics, Part 1

EVE's learning cliff is famous throughout the video game world. EVE is so complex that even the most experienced players can learn something new about the game.


Take Soleexpo, for example. He has been playing EVE for more than 8 years. He has spent that entire time mining in highsec. Judging by his Mackinaw fit, Soleexpo is still learning the craft.


Now it was time for him to learn even more about highsec mining. If he wanted to take his mining up a notch, he would need to learn the Code. Luckily, Agents Mal Warre and Ilithyia Borgia were generous enough to tutor him. And by "tutor", I mean kill.
Soleexpo > Why?
Mal Warre > You do not have a mining permit
Soleexpo > WTF, I pay one guy and then another guy comes and kills me?
Soleexpo > Extortion much?
Mal Warre > I saw no mining permit posted in your bio
Soleexpo > What? Where am I supposed to get one of those?
Although Soleexpo had been ganked several times by our Agents over the last few months, he struggled to understand his situation. He couldn't get his story straight. On the one hand, he claimed to have already paid; on the other hand, he had no idea what a mining permit was.
Mal Warre > You can send 10 mil isk to myself
Mal Warre > please review
Mal Warre > http://www.minerbumping.com/p/the-code.html
Mal Warre > this link will explain your responsibilities as a permit holder
Soleexpo > I'm aware of the asshole James 315 tactics, now give me my fucking permit and leave me the fuck alone.
Mal Warre saw right through Soleexpo's lies. Now the miner could only admit defeat at the hands of our Agent's masterful "James 315 tactics" and do his best to acquire a permit.
Mal Warre > Well - such rude manners
Mal Warre > Now you will need to send James an apology
Soleexpo > like the asshole who just destroyed my ship with no warning and for no reason?
Mal Warre > and the price of your permit just went up to 30 mil
Soleexpo > James can suck my nuts if he wants a goddamn apology!
Mal Warre > miner calm down
The permit-purchasing process is supposed to be joyful. Soleexpo's sour attitude threatened to ruin it for everyone.
Soleexpo > wait, wait... just a second
Mal Warre > Yes?
Soleexpo > So you destroy a 200mil ship to get a 10 mil pay day?
Mal Warre > a sense of satisfaction knowing you are reading about The Code
Mal Warre > It is not about money
Mal Warre > it is about sending a message
Soleexpo > What is the message? That you can practice gorilla warfar?
After being told to calm down, the miner actually did manage to calm down a bit. That's enough evidence to prove that it works, in case anyone accuses us of trolling.
Mal Warre > let's not go backward
Mal Warre > you were speaking of repentance
Mal Warre > are we still there?\
Mal Warre > I'd hate for us to lose the ground we gained
Soleexpo > yeah
Soleexpo > just finding your dickhole friends in the contacts
It is an Agent's responsibility to keep a miner on track. Detached from their bot-aspirant routines, a miner easily becomes lost. Mal Warre gently nudged the conversation back toward permit acquisition.
Mal Warre > now see that sort of regression will not be helpful
Mal Warre > so calm down miner
Mal Warre > and let's move forward with your apology
Soleexpo > Now, what was my mistake again?
Mal Warre > 1. mining without a permit
Mal Warre > 2. not giving a "gf" in local after pvp
Mal Warre > 3, Using profanity
Mal Warre > 4. Insulting the high protector
Mal Warre > 5. Insulting various New Order agents
Carebear apologists say suicide ganking is too easy. But consider how easy it is to be a Code violator. In a short period of time, Soleexpo had earned quite a rap sheet--and this was a guy who could barely fly a Mackinaw!
Mal Warre > Is there anything I missed?
Soleexpo > How would I know which of your arbitrary rules I might have transgressed?
Mal Warre > You should also eliminate the snark from our discourse
Mal Warre > Well seeing as you are an 8 yo character
Mal Warre > you should be well aware of the law of highsec
Soleexpo > I am... that's why I'm pissed that your rep didn't get me my permit...
Soleexpo > and it just cost me another 200mil... plus the 10mil i wasted in the first place
Faced with the prospect of spending 10 million isk, the miner moaned that he'd already paid someone before. Yet his bio was devoid of any evidence of the payment. Nor was the miner able to come up with the name of the Agent he'd purchased a permit from, or anything else to support his story. What a mystery.
Mal Warre > you answer to us, not the other way around
Soleexpo > I answer to no one...
Mal Warre > as for not answering to anyone... Kill: Soleexpo (Mackinaw) this says otherwise
Soleexpo > How so?
Soleexpo > That just says you can drop in and gank an exhumer? Not that hard...
Having spent 8 years doing nothing but shooting asteroids that can't shoot back, Soleexpo still found it within himself to look down upon the gankers. It's kind of like a gazelle saying he's unimpressed by lions, because all lions can do is kill gazelles.
Mal Warre > as for dropping your barge - the ease of the task is not relevant
Mal Warre > you equipment is wrecked
Soleexpo > So I pay you some 30mil, minus the 10mil I already sent, and I put the 'permit' in my bio and you leave me alone for a year?
Soleexpo > So, if I decide to do some mining while studying for an upcoming exam you won't come kill me?
The miner peppered our Agent with practical questions about the Code. It's a good thing, too, because it was obvious he needed more help.
Soleexpo > Okay, so how to I know you're an agent? does everyone have it posted in their bio?
Mal Warre > I would set CODE. and Goonswarm Federation to blue
Mal Warre > that will help
Slowly but surely, Soleexpo was getting the information he needed to survive in highsec. Maybe there was hope for him yet.
Soleexpo > What assurances do I have that you lot will behave as you say? I seem to be getting double crossed by your organization... or people claiming to be a part of it.
Mal Warre > I have no idea who you dealt with before.
Mal Warre > But The New Order is the epitome of integrity.
Mal Warre > If you have a permit displayed and are following The Code
Mal Warre > then you are citizen of highsec
Mal Warre > and not a criminal
Mal Warre > therefore you have nothing to fear
Soleexpo > OH MY GAWD! So infuriating...
But the miner could barely keep his temper in check. If he failed, the whole process could be derailed in an instant.

To be continued...

21 comments:

  1. Mal Warre.
    A consummate agent in the art of tact and diplomacy. A fine example of a CODE agent.
    Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  2. but why did antiganking fail to stop the gank!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. because nobody cares. miner ganking is like the race in a primary school for the "special kid". yeah, you won - again. feel free at time to point out the competition in ganking. oh wait, you're running this race solo - I am sure many of you enjoy playing with yourselves. that must be what is meant around here by always wins.

      in before the usual trolling memes. attempt originality. no, you don't need the others to hold your hand. you can use a dictionary. (you can?!)

      Delete
    2. *opens umbrella*

      It's raining tears!

      Delete
    3. meme spotted. GONG disqualified. try opening a sentence?

      "this one was tired and they sent in the reserves"

      hand holding prediction confirmed.

      Delete
    4. *opens umbrella*

      It's raining tears!

      Delete
    5. No one cares? Has anon 9:44 not seen the code threads on the Eve-O forums?

      Delete
    6. because it's not required. code is so trivial that 99.9% find antigank completely unnecessary

      Delete
    7. 6 out of every 13 statistics are made up.

      Delete
  3. I feel like another miner is being thrust into CODE compliance. Like a momma bird pushing her chick out of the nest. Sure he's scared, but it'll be for the best.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "It's kind of like a gazelle saying he's unimpressed by lions, because all lions can do is kill gazelles."

    That's the part where I loled and got funny looks from my coworkers...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. oke ill bite,

      Who's there?

      Delete
    2. C'mon, give us the rest of the joke you tease!

      Delete
  6. meh, seems made up

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nice dark knight reference there

    ReplyDelete
  8. So your post is about how a pair of pirates teamed up to gank a shit-fit miner?

    Wow. Congrats.

    Mal is an ass, but that's basically a requirement to be a pilot in the Eve Cluster.

    1. Mining without a permit

    - A permit wouldn't have saved this ship, the tank was pathetic. I can't see time codes in the convos, but even assuming the pilot was at the controls this was a dead ship the moment it undocked. It's just a matter of time.

    2. Not giving a "gf" in local after PvP

    - Ganking an unarmed, untanked, mining ship isn't PvP, it's basically shooting at NPC. Should you be cheering on miners and mission runners for clearing out rats? Cause you aren't doing anything significantly more difficult or different.

    3. Using profanity

    - If I dropped a duce on your head, I'm pretty sure swearing is warranted.

    4. Insulting the High Protector

    - First, I fixed your grammar. "High Protector" is a title and should be capitalized. Second, where is he? I don't see James on the kill-mail. So what's James protecting besides his Delusion of Grandeur?

    5. Insulting various New Order agents

    - Really? I thought the insult was from the New Order agents. They are insulting my intelligence by trying to convince me that they are some how dangerous and capable when I've repeatedly shown how they are nothing of the sort.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Should you be cheering on miners and mission runners for clearing out rats? Cause you aren't doing anything significantly more difficult or different." -Black Abbot

      "First, I fixed your grammar." -Black Abbot from the same post.


      #carebeargrammar.

      Delete
  9. Black Abbot, you just made my day.
    You're totally right. and i'm not being sarcastic.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Gorilla warfar"
    Yep, this one will be great :)

    ReplyDelete

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