Previously, on MinerBumping... Doctor Schutz spoke up in local after one of his alts got taken down by Agent Kalorned and his merry band. The doc had already been ganked earlier this year. Back then, his bot-aspirancy went through a period of remission, but later resurfaced in an even more malignant form. When Kalorned eliminated Schutz's alt, Schutz raged in local. Determining that another dose was needed, Kalorned's ganker alts ganked Schutz again, cutting him off in the middle of his anti-Code tirade.
"Take two ganks and convo me in the morning." That's the way it used to be done. These days, the New Order has the resources to monitor carebears immediately following a gank. Doctor Schutz was put under observation. Would he behave himself, or would he act like a Goofus in local for all to see?
Doctor Schutz underwent a self-examination and reported himself in good health. Kalorned wasn't so sure. Doctors often make bad patients, and Kalorned saw in Schutz all the symptoms of an acutely bumphurt miner.
Like so many other miners we've encountered, the miner took offense at being called a miner. Doctor Schutz's lack of objectivity threw all of his previous conclusions into doubt.
But the megalomaniac doctor only expanded the scope of his study. Now he was ready to diagnose problems afflicting EVE as a whole. Coincidentally, he concluded that EVE's biggest problem was the same group of people who had been ganking him.
Without warning, the highsec miner dropped a bombshell: CCP reversed its own position on how ganking affects player retention, and was now planning to change CONCORD.
Schutz was unable to locate the forum post that supported his shocking claim. No matter--he was already busy working on a new study. CODE., GoonSwarm Federation, and Pandemic Legion were subjected to Schutz's critical eye.
From the perspective of a random asteroid belt in highsec, Schutz could see everything.
Other highsec dwellers passing through the normally quiet system stopped to gawk at the conversation unfolding in local.
Schutz disclosed new details about CCP's plans to buff CONCORD. Once again, producing the source of his information proved impossible.
Imagine if Doctor Schutz's ships hadn't been ganked. We never would have learned his secret information about CCP!
Kalorned quietly continued his observation of the miner. Nevertheless, he fielded some questions from the local populace. (No matter where they go, Agents of the New Order are seen as authority figures in highsec, and as a trusted source of information.)
The mad doctor's symptoms worsened with each new conspiracy theory he embraced.
What have we learned today? Proper care must be tailored to each individual bot-aspirant. Some need to be ganked only once before they accept the Code. Some must be ganked several times. Others must be ganked almost endlessly. As a cost-saving measure, some would suggest that we simply abandon the miners who suffer from the most severe cases of bot-aspirancy. But that's not how we do it in the New Order. Our philosophy: No miner left behind.