Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Doctor's Check-Up, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Doctor Schutz spoke up in local after one of his alts got taken down by Agent Kalorned and his merry band. The doc had already been ganked earlier this year. Back then, his bot-aspirancy went through a period of remission, but later resurfaced in an even more malignant form. When Kalorned eliminated Schutz's alt, Schutz raged in local. Determining that another dose was needed, Kalorned's ganker alts ganked Schutz again, cutting him off in the middle of his anti-Code tirade.


"Take two ganks and convo me in the morning." That's the way it used to be done. These days, the New Order has the resources to monitor carebears immediately following a gank. Doctor Schutz was put under observation. Would he behave himself, or would he act like a Goofus in local for all to see?


Doctor Schutz underwent a self-examination and reported himself in good health. Kalorned wasn't so sure. Doctors often make bad patients, and Kalorned saw in Schutz all the symptoms of an acutely bumphurt miner.


Like so many other miners we've encountered, the miner took offense at being called a miner. Doctor Schutz's lack of objectivity threw all of his previous conclusions into doubt.


But the megalomaniac doctor only expanded the scope of his study. Now he was ready to diagnose problems afflicting EVE as a whole. Coincidentally, he concluded that EVE's biggest problem was the same group of people who had been ganking him.


Without warning, the highsec miner dropped a bombshell: CCP reversed its own position on how ganking affects player retention, and was now planning to change CONCORD.


Schutz was unable to locate the forum post that supported his shocking claim. No matter--he was already busy working on a new study. CODE., GoonSwarm Federation, and Pandemic Legion were subjected to Schutz's critical eye.


From the perspective of a random asteroid belt in highsec, Schutz could see everything.


Other highsec dwellers passing through the normally quiet system stopped to gawk at the conversation unfolding in local.


Schutz disclosed new details about CCP's plans to buff CONCORD. Once again, producing the source of his information proved impossible.


Imagine if Doctor Schutz's ships hadn't been ganked. We never would have learned his secret information about CCP!


Kalorned quietly continued his observation of the miner. Nevertheless, he fielded some questions from the local populace. (No matter where they go, Agents of the New Order are seen as authority figures in highsec, and as a trusted source of information.)


The mad doctor's symptoms worsened with each new conspiracy theory he embraced.


What have we learned today? Proper care must be tailored to each individual bot-aspirant. Some need to be ganked only once before they accept the Code. Some must be ganked several times. Others must be ganked almost endlessly. As a cost-saving measure, some would suggest that we simply abandon the miners who suffer from the most severe cases of bot-aspirancy. But that's not how we do it in the New Order. Our philosophy: No miner left behind.

22 comments:

  1. This guy is a very sorry subject, and I for one am glad the Savior puts him to the microscope. From "Concord about to be changed" to "mining is good for isk". From "you're actually killing people on your side" to "handing the ore to Goons and PL", Schutz shows long term mining without a permit gives rise to the most acute mental health problems.

    Follow the Code, for your ship's sake and your own!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As a licensed Space Psychiatrist, I would prescribe a strict regimen of suicide ganking and miner bumping.

      Delete
  2. You know, I'm loathe to suggest new bingo squares, but seriously, the "Ganking takes no skill" meme is thrown around as much as "CODE. is financially bad for CCP."

    They're both proven to be false, but the bot-aspirancy seems driven to force home that point, despite the fact that the peg refuses to fit the hole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure that New Veers, in the priestly vestments of the Black Abbot, will soon arrive to explain the fallacies of Miner Bingo and, perhaps, toot his own horn.

      Delete
    2. It seems I have been keeping this Anonymous poster waiting, here I am.
      I'm not tooting my horn, just pointing out the folly of CODE tooting theirs.

      Ming, while ganking takes some skill, it doesn't require much. More then skill, it requires patience. Waiting for a target that's rich enough to cover your ship loss, even if half the cargo gets destroyed. Waiting for that rich ship to appear in a system with low enough security that you can kill it. And waiting for that rich ship, to appear in that system, with a tank so thin you can take it out.

      I'd say that's a rather boring way to play, but there are legions of stupid, greedy, foolish, idiots that provide sport and targets all over-high sec. So if you scan a target and it doesn't fit the profile, just wait a few minutes, another will be available. That's not really skill.

      Delete
    3. Well...

      I have ways to make a square peg fit a round hole....

      It's called a sledgehammer.

      So Ming, when are you going to undock and contribute to code? I guess you are still a coward. Loyalanon/Wolf Soprano isn't a coward. He got nailed for 5 billion ISK and he still undocks.

      BM.

      Delete
  3. Oh wow. I just got to the part where the miner is like "CODE. is bitching that they don't have enough donors anymore."

    Obviously this guy has a Loyal-level spy in CODE. and can see that the New Order Treasury obviously doesn't have the close to 100 billion isk in reserve that we say it does.

    lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fuk the abbot. He dont know shit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I may not know everything, but I do know how to spell and form a grammatically correct sentence.

      Delete
    2. Well, at least you got something going for ya :)

      Delete
    3. "More then skill, it requires patience. " -The Black Abbot

      Delete
    4. I do believe you have been 0wned, Abbot

      Delete
  5. "(No matter where they go, Agents of the New Order are seen as authority figures in highsec, and as a trusted source of information.)"

    Haha, what a fucking hitlerious comment. Whenever I see ChODE, I just think "there goes another no-skill moron that can only shoot something that can't shoot back".
    Oh, and inb4 "butthurt miner" etc, etc....I've never lost a single ship in hs and I don't mine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you've never lost a ship in highsec, and you don't mine, then why exactly IS your butt so hurt?

      -Galaxy Pig

      Delete
    2. CODE is successful, but lets at least agree to a few simple facts.


      1. Members of CODE are NOT authority figures, they are pirates.

      The gentleman that lives down the street from me, with his personal outdoor shooting range, large quantities of rifles, pistols, and ammunition, and can be seen walking his dog while armed with no less then 3 handguns isn't an authority figure. He's a heavily armed nutcase.

      2. Members of CODE are NOT trusted sources of information. They are pirates.

      By CODE's own admission they are scammers out to deceive and destroy pilots, corporations, and alliances by any means necessary. Scams are regularly celebrated here. On at least one occasion a corporation has been taken over by CODE pilots or their accomplices. That's not trustworthy.

      Delete
    3. Haha you'd think someone who goes by "The Black Abbot" should know 1. Role and 2. Play when they see it :)

      Delete
    4. Okay, Abbot, let's take this into another realm.

      In the Forgotten Realms, in the City of Baldur's Gate, the Flaming Fist Mercenary Company is the de facto police force. Where do they get that authority? By right of force, guided by a set of principles- in this case, the people who pay them. This makes them authority figures. Because they can and will punish people who break their laws.

      Similarly, The New Order has claimed sovereignty over all of Highsec, by right of force, guided by The Code. We are absolutely clear about what you have to do to not be ganked by us. We have "set the bar low" enough for all to attain Code-Compliance if they want to. And, to this day, we have never ganked a compliant miner.

      This makes us authority figures, not pirates.

      Our Code is true, our ethics are just, and non-compliant carebears and those who defend them are destroyed. This hasn't always been the case, but it has been the case for the last three years and will be the case going forward. We only infiltrate and attack non-Code-compliant corporations, and we specialize in destroying those who are out to enslave new players, teaching them to mine, stealing their money with ore buyback programs, to satisfy their greed. These Highsec mining corp CEOs, in particular, forbid them to PvP, for "fear that they will become pirates." They prevent the natural order of pilots to kill other players from happening. This is wrong, this is despicable, and it is the primary purpose of why every single person in Highsec voted for James 315 to be Saviour of Highsec three years ago. To stop people like this.

      These vile individuals are the primary targets of the New Order. And we will not rest until we see them all burn.

      Delete
  6. meh seems made up

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ah. Another day, another care bear claiming they are important to Eve. Another lie told to...themselves maybe(?), that CCP cares a whit about terrible players that don't actually contribute anything to the game. People come and go from Eve, but people that interact and actually do something stay. CODE members stay. Null Sec bloc players stay. RP'ers in FW stay. Care bears, sitting alone in mom's basement, avoiding the MM in MMO don't stay- and Eve is better for it.
    For all the interaction they have with Eve, care bears could all go. Ore could be seeded to the market the same way skillbooks are, and it would have no effect on the game. There is a reason that mining has not received an ounce of updating beyond yield balances....in years. It is the lowest rung of content in Eve, so unimportant that it is safely ignored while every other mechanic is updated and iterated upon.
    Just as care bears are safely ignored by CCP. Oh they cry enough to get the occasional bone thrown to them- AWOX changes, etc. But CCP themselves support what CODE does- because CODE are role players in a Role Playing game. They are active, they add content.
    Having played long enough to remember the last round of care bear butt hurt, it's always funny to see care bears think they matter. It used to be anti-piracy. Low sec pirates were the CODE of their day, and people would rail against them and start anti-pirate groups that always failed just as badly as anti-CODE groups do.
    It's not the content- it's the players. And care bears never change. They are simply the sheep, the fodder, for the predators in Eve that actually matter. No one made a movie about the fish the shark in Jaws ate. No one makes heart pumping videos about mining in Eve. CCP knows what matters, and it sure isn't worthless care bears.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol, tell 'em Solly!

      -Oink

      Delete
    2. I'm actually a scammer. I just role play a role player.

      Delete

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