Sunday, October 4, 2015

Kills of the Week

For a carebear, being ganked should be an "Aha!" moment, one that spurs them to bigger and better things. Sadly, too many carebears fail to respond correctly to what could otherwise be an important turning point in their lives. When Newton observed the falling apple, he didn't file a petition with the government to nerf apple trees. Nor did he pen a letter to the apple tree threatening to rape the tree's family members. It's no wonder that in EVE history, advancement has always come at the hands of content creators, not carebears. Ponder that lesson while we review some ganks from the week of September 27th @ 00:00 EVEtime through October 3rd @ 23:59 EVEtime.

UberChick had some funny ideas about the risk/reward ratio of highsec. A lot of carebears share her affliction. But in UberChick's case, her hauler also had an extremely low hitpoint/isk ratio. Agent HotShotX Warcastle gave her anti-tanked Iteron V a stern look, resulting in a 2.4 billion isk killmail.

I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, Darth Tufty insulted the honour of highsec by tooling around in a shuttle worth 10 billion isk. The good news is, the blingy shuttle wasn't filled with PLEX this time. Instead, Darth was hauling 25 carrier skillbooks. Agent Eva Mavas casually popped the shuttle. The next time Darth wants to catch up on his reading, he should start with the Code.

Usull Mua'Dib lost a Bowhead valued at 12 billion isk on zKillboard. Among other things, the Bowhead contained 6 PLEX. Maybe Usull planned to rendezvous with Darth's shuttle? In any event, Usull packed everything except a New Order mining permit. If you're traveling through Uedama, a permit is a must!

Agents Nicolas Dupre, Sasha Cohenberg, Keraina Talie-Kuo, loyalanon, PV Rock, Krominal, Oryae Veris, Globby, Sterling Cohenberg, Amanda Rekenwhith, Silvester Cohenberg, Norrec Lafisques, Ricki Lake Show, rackarns, holdmybeer, Bratok Srayona, shootyou longtyme, Lisa Tears, 412nv Yaken, Sherman Cohenberg, Randy Chad, Stein Cohenberg, Sophia Soprano, Nitetime Video, BoneyTooth Thompkins ISK-Chip, Stanley Cohenberg, Chocolate Mooses, Ben Li, InferiDiii, Fjorn Stoneboar, Lillie Naari, Cpt Enzo, Karmafleet Is Recruiting, Conrad Raze, and Knackered Old Goat offered the carebear a friendly reminder about the permit requirement. Hopefully it was an indelible one.

DRERZEWERZISH of the Gankers Are Wankers corp obviously knew about the existence of gankers, even if he doesn't really understand them. He loaded up a nice, expensive, fail-fit Orca, and then he stumbled into Uedama. He was greeted by Agents Zula Terra, Zopiclone, ThatOleSerpent, holdmybeer, PV Rock, Amanda Rekenwhith, Lillie Naari, and Little Mittens, who showed DRERZEWERZISH that gankers are actually fine folks. Additional proof of the gankers' goodwill was provided when they popped his 2 billion isk pod.

Rusell is an odd duck. He has spent months trying to become a rebel leader, but even most Anti-Gankers don't like him. Nevertheless, he follows gank fleets around and tries to interfere with them. Rusell chooses strange ships to perform his Anti-Ganking task. Last month, he lost a 481 million isk destroyer, followed by another 500 million isk destroyer and a 2.3 billion isk pod. Finally, Rusell realized that blingy Coercers probably weren't the way to go...

...And so Rusell lost a 1.9 billion isk Nestor. Rusell's presence on the battlefield is a morale booster for any group of gankers; they surprised him with a special Thrasher fleet. Agents Aaaarrgg, PV Rock, holdmybeer, Sasha Cohenberg, loyalanon, Cpt Enzo, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Yabba Dabba Do, rackarns, Krominal, Julia Rage, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Sophia Soprano, Radric Davids, Lillie Naari, PuffPuff Passitleft, Nitetime Video, Zula Terra, Gunther Cucs, GrifterEx, Qri, and Kyalla Ahashion proved once again that the CODE always wins (ALWAYS), and that the Anti-Gankers are nonstop failing daily. I wonder what it says when an Anti-Ganker suffers worse losses than some of the freighters he tries to save?

One day, Brothuhbob decided to quit EVE. But who would destroy his 10 billion isk pod? When people think gank, they think of the New Order. Specifically, Brothuhbob thought of Agent Kalorned, who initially assumed he was joking when he requested the gank. But sure enough, Brothuhbob turned up in Uedama with a pod and invited Kalorned to a duel. An elite PvP'er on his worst day, Kalorned handily won the duel.

That's what 10 billion isk worth of implants looks like, in case you were curious. To reward our Agent for his service, the former EVE player then transferred his remaining 8 billion isk worth of ships to Kalorned. Our Agents are always ready to assist anyone who wants to quit EVE. It's just one of the many services provided by the New Order of Highsec.


  1. You're nothing but a bunch of no-good, low-life griefers...

    Keep up the great work!!!

  2. Yay! Two mentions on KOTW. I'm space famous.

  3. DRERZEWERZISH was one of our loudest complainers over two years ago. In fact, my FORUM thread "Grand Theft Mackinaw", now buried deep several pages down related the time he jumped out of his Mackinaw into his fearsome PvP ship just before I bumped his, now non-piloted, Mack several hundred km away with him chasing us in his pod.

    His catch phrase was "LIKE A BITCH!" which he repeatedly broadcast in local as he complained about me, the New Order and as you can guess from his corp name, gankers in general. Its been well over two years that he's been steamed by us. Two years of multiple refusals to buy a mining permit.

    So, as James tells us, we enforce the Code when and where WE choose.

    His number finally came up.

  4. Another week of failure from Antiganking!!!!!

  5. I feel all warm and fuzzy now :)

  6. Rules to live by in EvE Online:

    1. Do not buy a new order mining permit.
    2. Do not fly blingy ships.
    3. Be armed.
    4. Don't autopilot.
    5. Don't be afk while in space, unless you are cloaked.

    And probably the most important of them all:

    Don't fly what you can't afford to lose.

    Following these simple rules (especially #1) will not only piss off the NO, it will also make them fining gank targets much harder. But as we have seen, there are no shortage of idiots in the game, as well as idiot griefers such as code.


    1. I really don't know a single New Order Agent who gets p'd off by the non-compliant citizens of Highsec.

      Since we occupy the emotional (as well as the moral and physical) high ground, such a response is impossible.

      I'm well-placed to tell you that, in all his writings, James 315 never displays anger, nor anything more than mild irritation (and that, rarely).

      He can be stern and firm, but never p'd off.

      I think your view may be skewed by your want of the ability to perceive emotional nuances; you confuse resolution with anger.

      The useful Urban Dictionary describes 'butthurt' as:

      "An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult. Characterized by strong feelings of shame."

      O dear.

  7. Russell obvious Loyal alt, otherwise he'd know that AG has leadership. It's in the channels MOTD!

    The High Sec Militia is organized and stopping ganks daily 24-7.

    3 freighters saved while I was logged in and I'm just a private. We have more boots on the ground than ever before.

    If you are interested in fighting back, and making a difference, contact: Thomas en Chasteaux.

    1. "Golf clap"

      Good for you! That's the spirit! Keep bringing that content... sort of. It's weak ass content, but your trying... sort of.

      At the end of the day, more pew pew is always better than tears... but we'll be happy to take your tears if you can't provide pew pew. But I would suggest always going for pew pew... better for your peace of mind and bringing you closer to CODE compliance.

      So I hereby endorse HSM's message! Get out there and fight! Oorah!

    2. the only thing Thomas saves is screenshots of us blowing up freighters on his fave

    3. meh seems made up...

  8. meh seems made up

  9. Nice!! A bit more than a week in New Order Logistics and I made it onto a KOTW!! Praise James, Saviour of High Sec! Increasing Eve player retention one player at a time!

  10. Kills of the week should be named Idiots of the Weak.


  11. If the miners do not want to loose ships all they have to do is copy ming and not undock.
    Its so simple even an idiot can do it, and ming does do it all the time.

    1. @Anon12:28
      Thank you for your small personal donation of salt. You know, The New Order recieves donations of pretty much 1 billion times the magnitude of your offering, but James 315 is a watchful and merciful Saviour. He appreciates the small donations, like yours, which come from the heart, the most sacred of all.

      So in the Name of James 315,
      I thank you. You personally sustain me.

      Sincerely yours,


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