Thursday, June 20, 2013

The Rumble in Vattuolen, Part 1

Though I am in an exalted position in the EVE community, I stay in touch with the common man by touring my great empire. I often do this alone, without a bodyguard. That's how much confidence I have in my approval rating.


Hulks are nearing extinction. I came across one mining an ore belt in Vattuolen, and I was intrigued. Then I discovered that the miner in question didn't have a New Order mining license. Truly a dinosaur!


While engaging in a pleasant conversation with some curious miners, I was interrupted by the Hulk pilot, caveywavey. My bumping had disturbed his slumber, it seemed.


Actually, caveywavey had been following the local chatter, at least to some degree. He wasn't willing to budge from his prehistoric attitude about the Code.


"Father of the New Order" is one of my official titles. But it's more than that. It's a way of illustrating my attitude toward the teeming masses of highsec miners. Parenting isn't always a pleasant experience, but the alternative--neglect--is unthinkable.


Though MinerBumping posts are edited to suggest linearity, there are usually multiple threads running parallel to each other. While I was busy dealing with caveywavey, Rihanna Ashlie seized the moment to question the Code.


I've lost count of the number of times people have cited their parental responsibilities as an excuse to break the rules. Perhaps they forget that I have parental responsibilities of my own--to them. In any case, I think the miners underestimate the ability of their children to learn the importance of the Code. I suspect many of the little ones are more reasonable, in this regard, than their parents are.


Once caveywavey had been bounced into deep space, he made his confession: He "kind of" AFK mines.


Emboldened by his fellow skeptics, caveywavey challenged my authority and that of the Code. It was preposterous. He wanted to know why someone playing a video game should need to look at the screen!


caveywavey made another damning admission: He felt that AFK mining in highsec was "the way that game is meant to be played". In his own words, he was guilty as sin.


If everyone was judged according to his own standards, everyone would be considered "good". The word would lose all meaning. That's why we need an objective, universal standard by which to measure everyone.


Despite the fact that I had bumped caveywavey and linked him to the Code several times, I wasn't making any progress. The danger of stalemate loomed.



...Or worse. Whenever a miner's greed for asteroids tempts him toward dark thoughts of murder, I always make an effort to steer him back on course:


But it was too late. caveywavey was consumed by rage and avarice. The situation was spiraling out of control. Was it possible to bring caveywavey to his senses, or would he be lost to the New Order community forever?

To be continued...

40 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Stone Cold plays EVE? Awesome!

      Delete
    2. If it's so boring why do you keep coming here to read?

      Pro tip: if you don't care about something or find it boring, ignore it and do something else. Your quality of life will improve.

      Delete
    3. @ Anon 1:44 am

      The fact that he comments betrays the fact that he does care.

      Delete
  2. While I largely view the New Order as a bunch of amusing trolls, I wonder how cavey can claim a moral high ground at the same time as wishing death upon someone for actions in a video game.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just get it I wish death on ppl in real life all the time. I really don't see whats wrong with wanting someone to die.

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    2. Anon 7:49:

      This one before me is a troll.

      New Order is doing a totally different thing.

      Delete
    3. anon 11:35 is so edgy. i bet he laughs in horror movies when someone dies just to get looks from the other movie goers

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    4. You are quite right I do

      Delete
  3. I like the emergent game-play, but how about some emergent stories? They are getting to be as repetitive as excuses from AFK miners.

    They are all the same...

    James jumps in.
    Makes bot challenges in local.
    People complain about the NO and James.
    They go back and forth.
    No real information is provided.
    Wait till the next part.

    :eyeroll:

    ~TEC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What exactly is an 'emergent story'?

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    2. I view it as unexpected developments.

      The actual description is "Emergent gameplay refers to complex situations in video games, board games, or table top role-playing games that emerge from the interaction of relatively simple game mechanics. Emergent narrative - a story may emerge from the actions of the player. But the player is given so much control that they are more creating a story than interacting with a story."

      Delete
    3. The problem with what you want is that the miners never change their tactics. Its always "rail in local" "unenforceable demands" "calls for someone (but not me) to do something". Then occasionally come the wishing of death on a real human being for their actions in a a video game. James is too good for hisec. I'm adding caveywavey to the frequent ganking plan.

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    4. Agreed. The so called code is getting a trifle old and the enforcers somewhat predictable in their sayings and doings. Just as bad as AFK miners. :P

      Delete
    5. James is igniting reactions, but the miners always react the same. They rarely try to do something, they almast always insult in local and that's it. They almost never fight back. Until the counterpart do something it will always be a monologue.

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    6. Interesting, looks like Bobbins got so upset with people interfering with his gameplay that, as well as posting here multiple times as 'anonymous' and repeating the 'boring' post, he's now resorted to impersonation.

      Never mind, after all, I believe it was Martin Niemöller who said, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

      Delete
    7. It's sad when you resort to impersonating others because of videogame rage... as Martin Niemöller once said, "when you resort to multiple hate-posting and impersonation, you hit rock bottom"

      Delete
    8. Or irony over the fact that you are predictable.

      Delete
  4. Has anyone noticed that it seems like British or Australian people are the ones who defy the Code often?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe they just have more brains than the rest of the idiots who follow someones 5 seconds of fame in a fake universe.

      Delete
    2. Really? I thought it was lack of sense of humor and creativity.

      Delete
    3. Oh gosh...the miners who rage, complaint, file petitions, fail to understand the game or the EULA and never fight back or even change system to mine are the ones with more brains? Now I think I've heard everything...

      Delete
  5. James 315 > Rihanna Ashlie I'm sure if you explained to your daughter that the Code requires you to avoid AFK mining, she'd be totally cool with it

    LOL

    As Father of the New Order, I am certain that James has more parenting experience than any highsec miner.

    ReplyDelete
  6. James your parenting skills are woefully lacking if you believe that a video game is more important than attending to your child's needs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thats why you should dock up or log off if you have something to care about in RL. otherwise you put the game over anything in your RL at any given time as it is always running in the background without you beeing there.

      so the code is actually pro RL but also pro at keyboard players.

      and that are two wonderfull things. dont you agree?

      Delete
  7. this was funny a year ago....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well fuck you James I'm mining in null now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If true, you should be saying, "thank you James, I'm mining in NULL!!!!"

      Delete
    2. fuck you is more polite I had that dude and wish that he get dick cancer, and it is true come get me mother fucker

      Delete
  9. This is getting very old.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What's so terrible about docking before leaving the computer? It's just two clicks of the mouse, you don't have to wait till the ship is actually docked.

    By the way, lol at the cool kids that feel the need to comment that this is old/boring... In the last months I've read the greatest Miner Bumping stories ever. This one was a bit less engaging, but I think we're just spoiled by the very high bar set by James' works.

    The guy is giving us stories every day...and for free! Don't be pretentious, miners are always terribly boring and he's doing the best he can to turn their rants in entertainment.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I love the delicious tears. They never get old. Especially with death threats just for getting bumped..... I am fueled by them. James 315 is truely doing God's work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree...you never hear your car saying "stop giving me gasoline, It's getting old". Tears are that good.

      Delete
  12. I was about to say "hey, where's Bobbins?"...but then I realized he was already here, multiple times!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh look a frog time to masturbate! That's right bitches just got out of the mental hospital did ya miss me?

      Delete
    2. Hey you forgot to log with the Bobbins name again!

      Delete
    3. God mother fucking dammit! I am not Bobbins, I'm Bobbins trouser snake and I am going to spit soon.

      John E Normus Cock

      Delete

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