Tuesday, February 3, 2015

The Most Honourable Pirate in Highsec, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec mission-runner Ellie Alvarsson saw Zosius get flagged for cleaning up her wrecks. Because Ellie was in a Dominix and Zosius was in a lowly Enyo, Ellie assumed it would be easy to kill him. But when she opened fire, she discovered, to her horror, the awesome power of the New Order. Zosius successfully collected a 150 million isk ransom from Ellie and promised to let her go.

Before releasing the warp disruptor, Zosius called in Agent Andouille Sausage to help him explain why it would be a good idea for Ellie to voluntarily buy a mining permit.

However, the carebear propagandists had gotten to her first. Ellie was convinced the New Order was, in fact, an elaborate griefing operation--and not the legitimate government of highsec.

Though Ellie was among friends, her own dishonest nature inspired paranoia. She didn't trust Zosius when he said he would honour the ransom and let her go.
Ellie Alvarsson > and you haven't let me go
Zosius > I am giving you an opportunity
Ellie Alvarsson > I specifically said to let me go
Ellie Alvarsson > you're not giving me a choice
Zosius > you defied James 315 and New Order by declaring you do not care about greatest thing in EvE
Once again, a carebear tried to engage what I call the "verbal warp core stabilizer": She thought that by repeatedly telling someone to let her go, she was entitled to escape. Never mind the fact that she'd attacked Zosius with her battleship and deliberately provoked the Agent by showing disrespect to the Code.
Andouille Sausage > Think of it like insurance.
Ellie Alvarsson > I'm thinking of it as ridiculous role playing in a game
Ellie Alvarsson > a game that I'm now very seriously considering quitting because of griefers like you
Ellie Alvarsson > stealing salvage and setting bait for players like me who want to protect their salvage
Incredibly, Ellie played the victim. She blamed Zosius for "baiting" her into a fight. A fight, incidentally, which Ellie had assumed would be unfairly in her favor, since she had a battleship and Zosius only had an assault frigate.
Andouille Sausage > And it's good for a full year!
Andouille Sausage > It's a bargain at twice the price.
Ellie Alvarsson > and what's to say you won't start more ridiculous demands once I pay that, hm?
Zosius > Ellie Alvarsson all I want you is to buy permit for 10mil isk which is good for 1 year
Ellie Alvarsson > how about I give you 10 mil isk and no permit, and we just both leave
Andouille Sausage > If you want to donate 10M ISK to the cause that's certainly appreciated.
Despite Ellie's misgivings, she slowly warmed up to the idea of handing over 10 million isk. It was cheap, after all.
Andouille Sausage > I'm sorry you have found the player-generated elite pvp content unpleasant, but it is what we do and it is completely within the game's EULA and ToS.
Ellie Alvarsson > it IS within the tos, but that doesn't make it anything but exactly what a sociopath would do
Andouille Sausage > I think you're wrong.
Andouille Sausage > A sociopath wouldn't enjoy it.
One thing the New Order is really good at: Building bridges. The carebear and the Agents were so different. The Agents thought fighting a Dominix with an Enyo in a spaceship combat game qualified as PvP content. The carebear thought it was sociopathic. Presumably the exact same battle would have been non-sociopathic had it taken place in lowsec. On the other hand, a lowsec version of the battle would probably involve the Dominix being killed by a dozen gate-campers instead of a solo Enyo. But still less sociopathic, because it took place in a 0.4 system.
Ellie Alvarsson > I will ask again, if I give zosius 10 million isk you will both stop scramming me and allow me to dock at the nearest station
Andouille Sausage > I'm fine with that.
Ellie Alvarsson > that didn't answer my question
Ellie Alvarsson > do you agree to that arrangement
Andouille Sausage > I can't force Zosius to do anything but I do agree to that.
Zosius > you have my word on that
Once again, Ellie wanted confirmation that Zosius would release her ship from warp disruption. Andouille urged the carebear to have more faith in Zosius.
Andouille Sausage > I will send you your permit.
Zosius > Ellie Alvarsson on top of that. I will donate 150mil in your name to buy some shares of New Order. You will be immortalized in a list of shareholders. That is a great honor.
Ellie Alvarsson > I'm sure you will
Andouille Sausage > Oh, he will.
Andouille Sausage > You'll be able to see it on the website.
Andouille Sausage > That'll be a very special donation this month.
Showing his generosity once more, Zosius agreed that if Ellie bought a mining permit, he would return the 150 million isk ransom to her by buying 150 New Order shares in her name!
Ellie Alvarsson > now I've humiliated myself for you and given you a shitload of money
Ellie Alvarsson > now let me go
Ellie Alvarsson > although I assume you won't
Andouille Sausage > Please do read the Code and follow its precepts.
Zosius > I will let you go
Zosius > The minute I see 10mil and your bio
Unfortunately, Ellie was too prejudiced against the New Order to even say "thank you" for the shares she was about to receive. She was only interested in owning a mining permit on the most superficial, selfish level.

...But buy a mining permit she did. Let this be yet another lesson to our permit-sellers: Our wallets are filled with the isk of carebears who initially showed reluctance to read the Code, much less follow it.
Ellie Alvarsson > there's another 10 million
Ellie Alvarsson > now let me go
Zosius > 10mil confirmed
The business was done. Now all that remained was for Zosius to click a single button to un-toggle his warp disruptor. In doing so, he would honour his ransom and prove that in EVE, sometimes a ransom-payer doesn't get immediately killed after transferring their isk. However, Ellie had absolutely no faith in the intrepid Enyo pilot. She believed it was all but certain that the Agent would find some excuse to blow up her Dominix.

To be continued...


  1. Ellie's going to live! Ellie's going to live for being Code-Compliant! GO ELLIE!!!!!!

    The Code ALWAYS wins!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

  2. Antigankers cry while carebears die and the code just keeps on winning!!!!! ALWAYS!!!!!

    1. "Wolf SopranoFebruary 3, 2015 at 8:16 PM"
      Don't forget your free anal plug before you explode with all the shit runing thruogh your head ;)

  3. Grudging compliance
    Is still growth for a carebear
    Start with baby steps!

  4. ellie's going to die ! ellie's going to die because the code are pirates and don't honor anything
    never have never will bunch of lying douchebags !! (i hear a "miner calm down" bingo approaching ! ) blah blah blah

    1. You missed a pretty obvious opportunity to rhyme here, Anon@8:57. Your lack of artistic sensibility makes me sad.

      Like: "Ellie's going to die! Ellie's going to die because the Code is a lie!"

      Something like that. Put a bit off effort into your anonymous whining. Also, note the correct capitalization and punctuation. The details matter!

    2. not when i'm talking to code only the good guys get attention to detail and that ain't you lot !!

    3. The details matter
      This carebear can't understand
      We ARE the good guys

    4. if only that were true .....sadly it's just not .

  5. Now that would be childish, maria...

  6. I'm with 8:57. They will find some chickenshit excuse to not let the Domi go and destroy it. I've read the code and it is very vauge in some areas allowing agents to come up with an excuse to destroy your ship.

    I will say Elle was at fault for attacking the suspect though. You don't mess with mission griefers unless you know what you're doing and are fit for PvP.

  7. That is because the code is all about picking on someone who has a disadvantage to themselves, as examples be a pvp fit ship taking on a bigger pve fit ship, and he probably had backup in the wings...

    1. Being a brave Eve pilot, I'm pretty sure you only pick a target that has clear and obvious advantage over your ship. I'm also convinced you never attack a target unless you're pretty sure it will kill your ship using variety of measures: EWAR, ECM, logistic support, off-grid links, high-grade implant sets etc.

      Why won't you write a book on how to pick fights you're most certainly going to lose? Antigankers will pay lots of money for your professional advice.

    2. hohoho, hear hear. It's so funny how all the gankers hate anti-gankers, because they can't deal with the fact that people actually want to be "good". I guess it's because gankers are such sick personalities, they can't be anything but dicks, and seeing people playing a game without the need to grief just drives them crazy. Just watch local how all the gankers rage while most AGs remain civilized, although due to game mechanics most ganks of code still succeed, they are still not happy, lol. So one might think that the anti-gankers were the ones who have reason to rage, but no, it's the gankers that just can't deal with moral superiority.

  8. +1 War Target, and contact added. From now on anyone that bears the "I follow THE HALAIMA CODE OF CONDUCT" anywhere in their bio in High Sec will be scheduled to be terminated.

    1. Speaking of schedules, do you have any relation to a certain solar spymaster?

    2. Yes, I am a remnant of a corporation known as USATO, and we have returned. Better watch your backs, corp killer.

    3. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JQodBP_QBYA

    4. Going to wardec a NPC corp eh?

    5. "Yes, I am a remnant of a corporation known as USATO, and we have returned. Better watch your backs, corp killer."

      Oh that is precious

    6. WOAH... USATO? You mean Anon@11:51 is actually... liberty?
      As covered in these minerbumping.com articles from almost a year ago?


      For all Agents who have yet to know who liberty is, I strongly encourage you to read up on these fantastic stories! As they say, "This gonna be gud!"

      And this delectible forum post from Bing Bangboom?

    7. Anon@11:51 is definitely NOT liberty as any English speaking person can tell by careful analysis of the writing style... and the fact that you can understand the post.

      And there are no remnants of U.S.A.T.O or U-S-A-T-O left anywhere in Eve except for one three person corp consisting of two of liberty's alts and the ever patient Padruek 73. Even liberty isn't in a U-S-A-T-O corp anymore having exited stage right. The curtain has fallen, the lights have dimmed and the marquee displays the upcoming spectacle "The Alana Charen-Teng Story (It came from Inside)".

    8. LOL

      Bing Bangboom is the singular authority when it comes to things concerning USATO and liberty. With his assurances, I now rest easy knowing liberty no longer threatens the peace of our highsec.


    oh wait there's going to be another part!

    1. Two parts, two CODE victories already: 150mil in shares + new permit holder.

  10. So in other words ellie paid 160m for some shares, a permit and to let her 180m domi go, which would be covered by 80m insurance i guess? And some time spent on talking?

    1. It seems that way. This is right up there with the old carebear logic of, "I mined this ore, so it's free."

  11. Glorious. Even when attempting what amounts to a gank on a smaller ship- carebears prove utterly, totally, and completely impotent. The same group that cries about being 'helpless' has no hesitation trying to attack the smallest class of sub caps with the biggest. And even then...fails as badly at it as they do at playing Eve in general.
    I like the bloviating from the wannabe USATO guy. I remember them hiding in stations the moment a WT entered local and spamming local with puffery. I'd love to see them come back and pad more killboards with the comedy that is their notion of PvP.

    1. what a bunch of bullshit. I'd say you are a newbie, if i didnt know that you're just an asshole. "no hesitation trying to attack the smallest class of sub caps with the biggest" because only newbies would think that way.

  12. Sounds kinda like what code was doing the other night. I logged in and watched them cower in the uedama station while a few dozzen knights patroled the system. At least code gave them plenty of kills each time they poked their noses out of the hangor and got shot up. If im not mistaken loyal lost the most ships over the half hour or so, before code simply stayed locked up tight in station.

    1. [citation needed]

    2. funny considering they have killed 160 bil in 3 days.

    3. did you wake up 'the other night' with wet undies?

    4. Anyone who bothers to look at zkillboard can see ahead of time how this story ends: agreements honored, lives saved, and a carebear educated. https://zkillboard.com/character/94157412/

      I note that the one instance on that board resembling so-called bullying is by the carebears' favorite false savior, Marmite.

    5. Aww, that's precious. If you're gonna write fanfiction, Anon@3:17, why not do it in the forums? Link to them is at the top-right of the screen. That way it's easier for everyone to keep track of your story and read it through until the end.

    6. What is the matter, maria? Does the truth hurt?

    7. Like I said, Anon. Share your fanfic in the forums, it'll be easier to see that way. Don't know what that has to do with it hurting; I mean it's no "my immortal", so it's not going to be causing me physical pain. I don't know if it's part of your fanfic to pretend it's all trufax, but if that's the case, you should probably specify at the start of it that you would prefer commenters to be roleplaying throughout. It'll help avoid any confusion.

    8. The only fanficion here is the code....


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