Monday, February 23, 2015

The Trial of Krimletch, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Krimletch was given the punishment he deserved for illegal mining in highsec. He dismissed his obligations under the Code, preferring to repeatedly call our Agents "peasants" instead. His informal chat with two Agents expanded into a full-blown trial.


Eventually, Krimletch realized he was on trial. It was probably all the intense questioning by the Agents in the convo that clued him in.


The miner tied himself in knots. First he claimed to be a new player, despite having an EVE account for two years. Then he said he was kicked out of his corp for not playing, but denied having AFK tendencies. Now he had to explain his possession of implants.


Krimletch said that he used PLEX to buy whatever items he thought were "interesting"--even if he didn't understand the nature of said items. Classic RMT behavior. Krimletch looked incredibly guilty.


Krimletch railed against in the injustice of it all. He was a misunderstood miner, mistreated by the system.


In his passion, Krimletch refused a fair plea bargain. He demanded an apology from the gankers. Since the panel of judges consisted entirely of suicide gankers, this didn't go over very well. Nor did the "I would have paid" line.


Still intent on putting the system on trial, Krimletch cast aspersions on the noble Knight who had ganked him so righteously. Not that there's anything wrong with being a pirate. This is EVE, after all.


The Agents who presided over the trial looked upon the unruly miner and shook their heads. His conduct in the courtroom was enough to condemn him.


At last, Krimletch finished his soliloquy about the New Order's cruelty and injustice. No one applauded, though. The speech probably would've gotten a warmer reception in the Anti-Ganking channel; this just wasn't the appropriate venue for it.


Despite the insults, our Agents maintained their objectivity. They considered the case carefully and weighed the evidence. Krimletch was clearly a bot-aspirant, a miner whose sole objective was to mindlessly grind isk in 100% safety. Our Agents determined that the Code had made such a playstyle obsolete in modern highsec. Obsolete!


Krimletch's energy was spent. His oration against the Code had exhausted him, physically and emotionally. He admitted that he had been rude.


Now the miner, like so many others before him, went back on his promise never to pay for a mining permit. He meekly requested instructions for making his payment.


Unfortunately, his bad behavior during the course of the trial had gotten him into more serious trouble. Now he owed 30 million isk.


Parsimonious to the very last, Krimletch chose to pay 10 million isk and await the outcome of an appeal--rather than paying the full 30 million so he could go back to mining immediately.


And so it was that Krimletch wrote his request to be excused from the Red Pen fee. The EVEmail turned out to be the longest such mail ever written to highsec's ruler. Yes, even longer than toad trotter's epic masterpiece. But would it be persuasive? Or would it be a bunch of self-pitying, unrepentant nonsense?

To be continued...

20 comments:

  1. My brain says the miner's appeal was nothing but self-pitying, unrepentant nonsense . . . but my heart says he learned his lesson and is now a beacon of Code-Compliant light in Highsec and an example to every other miner he meets.

    I really want to go with my heart here. Don't let me down Krimletch!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Krimledge needs to tell these guys to BUGGER OFF and go do his own thing. That, or go join a rebel group like those heros of hisec fellows and DESTROY the NEWORDER!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There was a channel called "anti-ganking" once... these so-called "heroes" gathered there... where they all died of paranoia... or worse.

      Rumor has it that some of them are still living in that channel, like undead zombies, putrefying it with their hate and greed and paranoia.

      Those that possessed fighting capabilities left to join the New Order soon after finding out their actions were futile; that the carebears they were defending were AFK, or would refuse to help or take any action to defend themselves, including thanking or rewarding the so-called "anti-pirates."

      So, if your path leads you to "destroy the New Order," remember, you'll be one of us long before you destroy us. And you have the Carebears to thank for it.

      Delete
  3. This behaviour should be outlawed. Any gamer worth his/her salt would not entertain the diatribe that spews from the players in these erroneous corporations. Makes me ashamed to say I am an Eve player.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know man but what can I say he's got a bad case of miner mouth. Can't help but spew obscenities.

      Delete
  4. The longest EVEMail to James 315 in history... I wonder if part 4 will be the entirety of that EVEMail?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Isk-grubbing miners
    Speak only to avoid fees
    No money? No speech!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Avoid what fees? The Empires don't have any additional fees in Highsec...you lot are criminals, as evidenced by Concord trashing your ships that you gank with...you have no right to charge a fee...

      Delete
    2. No right? That's like saying someone doesn't have the right to lock an asteroid and turn on mining lasers or someone doesn't have the right to make a market order. Just insane.

      Delete
    3. Actually it is not like any of those things, you clowns need to learn some real logic, you are too used to your spin logic you can't see straight...

      Delete
  6. James 315 "Or would it be a bunch of self-pitying, unrepentant nonsense?"
    Yes, yes the new order is exacaly that james.
    First thing james says that is right.

    -=M=-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I know you are but what am I?"

      The height of carebear wit.

      Delete
    2. The jury is still out trying to figure out just what you are maria.

      Delete
  7. "Thou shalt not roleplay as a retard" should be the first rule. Some people don't want to be immersed in your bullshit. Keep it the fuck to yourselves. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pay your 10 million isk fee, pledge your loyalty to James 315, follow the Code, and New Order Agents will keep to ourselves, with the exception of routine permit inspections. Otherwise you can go find another, maybe "softer," game to play, or you can try playing outside of James 315 Space.

      If you choose to play in Highsec, you follow our rules, or you suffer the consequences. End of debate.

      Delete
    2. You can make us try and follow James 315, after 2 1/2 years I have to say you have not been that successful. Never been popped by an agent of the so called new order, i live, eat, and breath from the high sec isk fountain. Keep failing guys its what your good at. Keep on posting up the bloggs though. Chronic bouts of laughter ensues after each and every post.

      Delete
    3. anon at 10:14, If "Thou shal not roleplay as a retard", would become a rule, then the new order would have no more reason to exist.
      Indeed, they are on thin ice already as their goals are ones they fail at enforcing time and time again.

      -=M=-

      Delete
  8. I play in Highsec, but paying you clowns or following you rules is not in the EULA, so you can forget about it....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Krimletch acts so smug, edgy, and condescending, but ends up writing the longest tearmail ever to try and make an appeal to James because Lord Mandelor scared the pants off of him with a Red Pen violation.
    He looks a lot more like the peasant now lol

    ReplyDelete
  10. ...were you drinking from a large cup... Epic! I like it!

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.