Sunday, December 11, 2016

Kills of the Week

It's been a rough four years for the Anti-Gankers. Having utterly failed in their mission to stop the New Order from ganking Code violators, the few remaining AG'ers have changed tactics: Instead of trying to stop ganks, they're attempting to imagine victories into existence via the practice of spamming fake news on Reddit. Just one example: "The High-Sec Militia wins a major victory in Uedama against CODE!"


Remember when anonymous commenters used to brag about how they were never been ganked by CODE.? Now the anonymous commenters claim to be "newbros" and complain about being ganked by CODE. too often. I have a solution: The anonymous commenters who never get ganked should send some of their vast wealth to the anonymous newbros. Problem solved!


The Anti-Gankers soon wore out their welcome, even on Reddit. You see, all the fake news in the world can't save a single carebear. Only the Code can do that. Now let's find out what really went on in Uedama and elsewhere during the week of December 4th @ 00:00 EVEtime through December 10th @ 23:59 EVEtime.



DiaRoss was a notorious carebear even before he lost a 4.3 billion isk Mastadon to Agents Justin Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joel Kusion, and Jake Kusion. But what the Kusions discovered inside the Mastadon still shocked them:


Is this actual cargo--or some kind of elaborate distress call? Either way, the Kusions responded.



Why do those bullies in the New Order pick on defenseless newbros in Ventures who don't have any isk--whoops! Incoldar was brought to justice by Agent Lawrence Lawton. Shame on Incoldar for attempting to use newbros as human shields.



Sigh. Just when you think you've seen the worst that a Retriever pilot has to offer, someone like Gre Ker comes along and raises the stakes. His monstrous fail-fit was worth 440 million isk. Agents Never Gonna SeeGrandKids and Fate and Destiny did their duty by eliminating another pair of ORE Strip Miners from highsec.



Despite countless nerfs to the ganking of jump freighters, Minmeres' Nomad was ambushed and annihilated by Agents Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Winnie Po0h, Jake Kusion, Joel Kusion, Justin Kusion, KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, and Joshua Kusion. The death of any illegal jump freighter is a good enough reason to celebrate, but even more impressive is that the gank was done with only 13 gankers. The Nomad, of course, had plenty of jump drive fuel, but you know how that goes.



Eickhoff Marc was using a newly buffed Orca to haul a newly introduced "Azbel" worth ten billion isk. Unlike carebears, the New Order doesn't rely on CCP to do its work. Nor do we depend on CCP to create content. We have the Code. Agents Skiff Poddington, Hayley, Darnoth, Mack Poddington, Bob Painter, Ido Adudu, Nin Rin, Hulk Poddington, Yvain Bluewater, James Poddington, Logical Fatality, Soylent Jade, big brutor one, Prixm Wind, Miner Compliance Officer, Unwarranted Assumption, Inspector Implant, Archibald Fizzleblade, Lawrence Lawton, Hermann Fizzleblade, Jack Fizzleblade, big brutor two, Franz Fizzleblade, big brutor three, Hagen Fizzleblade, and Gottfried Fizzleblade put all their trust in the Code and won yet again.



I guess the Anti-Gankers must've missed this one. Axarta Bissental was podded by Agent KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb after losing her 2.3 billion isk Vindicator. As a result, Axarta's 4.6 billion isk implants were destroyed.


For those of you who don't know Agent KoHfeTHbIu, I can tell you he loves to drink the blood of decadent carebear pods. As delicious as this kill was, KoHfeTHbIu's thirst was not satisfied this week. He craved more.

Next week: The return of X-FEANOR!

30 comments:

  1. I hope nevergonnaseethegrandkids does make it but it's doubtful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really hope he makes it.

      For the children and grandchildren. \o/

      He looks really frail and sick.

      Delete
    2. That reddit thread is pure nectar! So many impotent tears!

      -Oink

      Delete
  2. Wow. AG and HSM mention 6 times this week! Ha! We're kicking yall's collective asses and you know it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. 5 times in this one story, there is a lot more if you include this week. And we aren't kicking their butts quite yet, but we are doing a lot better! Saving ships daily, making gankers cry in local, It's pretty nice but it took a while to get here. All thanks goes to Thomas and the High Sec Militia. We could not do it without him and his team.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is all fake news. And NOTHING is more fake than X-FEANOR!

    The truth behind the pinata next week!

    ReplyDelete
  5. that reddit thread made me cringe. antigankers trying to feel special for getting some concord killmails LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeremy stop cringing already and go back to playing scrabble with the kids
      So they can tell their kids about the time they played scrabble with their dad
      Do it for the family fam
      Do it so you are remembered and relevant fam

      XD

      Delete
    2. Just got back to eve myself after a few months off. My only question is what happened? They say you where harassing players in broadcast-4-reps! Is that true? Normally CCP will turn a blind eye the second time. What did you do Wolfie that got you banned from the game twice?

      Delete
  6. Jeremy go and play scrabble with the kids so you can stop cringing already
    Do it for the family fam
    Scrabble fam, it's easier than shitposting and getting banned over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

    And over.

    XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very upset that he isn't playing scrabble with Jeremy too!
      He forgot his Ritalin. Remember Ritalin is easy!

      Delete
    2. I've missed you Ritalin guy, where have you been?

      Delete
    3. His mom took away his computer.

      Delete
    4. Snigie I've missed you! I took my own advice and started double dosing on Ritalin! Its so god damn easy!

      Delete
    5. Wow, how can someone be so upset about a game?

      Delete
  7. But where oh where is Ming?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gahd, who cares! His lengthy and circular logic and Jimmy-butt-kissing was nauseating. Goodbye Ming. Don't get banned next time.

      Delete
    2. Jimmy's butt don't shine like it used to..

      Delete
  8. Looks like Kusion is doing all the pushin. lolol!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Can't wait to hear about FAKE-NEWS-FEANOR!

    Spoiler: The X stands for FAKE NEWS.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What's the hardest metal known to man?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. trustworthy sources have confirmed it's Diamond.

      Delete
  11. CODE are just sociopathic griefing fuckweasels who aren't happy unless someone else's EVE experience is ruined (however temporarily).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CODE is actually the only entity in EVE that makes highsec interesting and fun to play in.
      Without them, highsec would be equally boring as watching paint dry on a newly painted wall.

      Delete
  12. Wah wah wah wah somebody pixelated your digital spaceship in a video game about blowing up spaceships. Get the sand out of your vagina and harden the fuck up.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Problem is that you guys don't respect the effort and time he gave buying his assets by the victim when you blow up his valueable ship. You would be upset too if you lost that much. And making you satisfied by it makes you all a sick person (in the head)!

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.