Sunday, December 21, 2014

Kills of the Week

The MinerBumping comments section was won by a fellow named The Colonel this week, who posted the following quote in response to a whiny carebear:
"If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid."
Taken from an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, the line is spoken by a member of the Q Continuum (basically the Trek equivalent of the New Order). Though the line was directed at Captain Picard, it certainly fits EVE well, doesn't it?

Let's look at some reasons why highsec isn't safe or fit for the timid, from the week of December 14th @ 00:00 EVEtime through December 20th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

Dale Thellere just finished building a new type of freighter, the "Bowhead", which was added to the game in Rhea. He was in a hurry to go AFK with it--and he became the very first pilot in EVE ever to lose a Bowhead. Agents John E Normus, Capt Starfox, Doomchinchilla, loyalanon, Gunther Cucs, Kahvegi, AoshiKeshin, babocheets, Sasha Cohenberg, iZaEaRl, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Krominal, Misty Stenier-Tian, Michele Bachmann, and Lisa Tears got in on the kill.

As you might imagine, the EVE community was appalled to see CODEdot responsible for the first ever Bowhead kill. They were busy trying to pretend we don't exist. It's a strategy that never works. Just ask Dale Thellere.

BONUS! You can watch the destruction of this historic kill yourself, in this YouTube video of the gank!

...And because the New Order always goes one step beyond, we went ahead and ganked the second Bowhead ever killed, too. Unlike the first, it was tanked. It still lacked a permit.

There was fierce competition for the most expensive miner kills this week. Weighing in at 2.4 billion isk, Symbia's bafflingly blingy Hulk won the title. Agents Plasma Death and Liek DarZ executed this rebellious miner.

Meanwhile, Metuo Dred lost a 16 billion isk freighter to the combined forces of the New Order and the CFC's Ministry of Love. Agents BeBopAReBop RhubarbPie, Sabriz Adoudel, Braegnok, Sasha Cohenberg, Ehud Gera, Benchab Mas, Warr Akini, Turkey Baster, Globby, Austrene Jakuard, Silin Vespula, Janica Erris, Alexander Mittani Gianturco, Rehtom Lamina, Alex Gianturco, Emotion Sasen, Sertan Chakaid, Dungar's Sister, Mittani Alexander Gianturco, Ayatola Whoami, Ledalin, Kappa Shikome, Teke Teke Shikome, Kubikajiri Shikome, Mu-onna Shikome, CoMplexity Antollare, and Mellanee sentenced the freighter pilot to death...

...He was, after all, carrying unlicensed mining equipment. Eight billion isk of loot was recovered from this gank. However, Metuo Dred himself was unaware of this.
Drednoreth > hey man , sorry logged off
Drednoreth > don't feel like getting ganked today
Drednoreth > pilots , is new order doing ganks in high sec ect?
Siegfried Cohenberg > are you
Siegfried Cohenberg > metsuo
Drednoreth > yeah
Siegfried Cohenberg > how much isk do you have
Drednoreth > right now just over 2 billion
Siegfried Cohenberg > pay it
Drednoreth > what for?
Drednoreth > the freighter isn't on the gate which means i'm safe and sound for the moment, and all you can do is hope i log back on , which i won't
Drednoreth > laters have a good night
Metuo Dred assumed he'd saved himself by logging off during the gank. Ctrl+Q can't save a carebear though; only the Code can.

Gavin Tao'in was autopiloting in a Shuttle. That's not uncommon, but carrying a bunch of rare BPOs in the cargo? That's peculiar. Agents Kittycat Meow and PV Rock made the BPOs even more rare. You've probably heard of Agent PV Rock, but Kittycat Meow is a new addition to our ranks:

Kittycat Meow listened to the call of the Code and went from miner to hero overnight. Miners rarely make history, but Agents of the New Order always do. Just ask PV Rock, whose killboard could fill a Kills of the Week post all on its own.
Mandor M Sawall > hello, you bitch
PV Rock > Well that's not a very pleasant way to start a conversation
Mandor M Sawall > pleasant like you are? go fuck yourself
PV Rock > You were afk for the better part of an hour in a shuttle, of course you died
Mandor M Sawall > well i fell asleep
Mandor M Sawall > fuck off
Take, for instance, PV Rock's destruction of an unlicensed Venture:

Enraged Frank managed to lose a Venture worth a billion isk. It was carrying--you guessed it--a bunch of blueprints! If we keep getting kills like this, highsec will be covered in blueprint confetti.
Adrian Ormande > you worthless fucking faggot
PV Rock > Well that's a bad way to start a civil conversation
PV Rock > How about "good fight"?
Adrian Ormande > really, high sec gank... that was my months play time ass hole, guess im not playing eve this fucking month
Adrian Ormande > good fight, i was on auto piolt ass wipe i didnt fight back at all
PV Rock > It's not my fault that you chose to take a PLEX to the fight and go afk rather than fight back
Adrian Ormande > a fucking T1 frigate, i didnt bring it to any fight, you attacked me in high sec
PV Rock > Would you have done this in lowsec?
Adrian Ormande > nope thats why i hang out in high sec
PV Rock > So why did you think it was okay to do this in highsec if you wouldn't do it in lowsec?
Adrian Ormande > Lol man im not here to debate you about the moralities of what you yourself did if this isnt going to end up lesson learned with my plex coming back to me because your a good samaritan than this convo is over
PV Rock also managed to snag the podkill of the week:

Daolin's implants shattered like crystals in the face of Agent PV Rock's courageous attack. 4.3 billion isk was lost in an instant.

Carebears, you slave all year 'round, gathering your isk like so many strawberries. If you don't buy a mining permit and obey the Code, that could all be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. I urge you to send in your 10 million isk and pledge of loyalty today.


  1. The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!!! ALWAYS!!!!!

    1. Wish you could just go and die.

    2. Every Agent Dies
      When ganking your Mackinaw
      Then we just respawn

    3. But I wish you all die a horrible death in real life ;)
      Try to respawn from that you little agent ;)

    4. How much would it piss you off if I told you James 315 was immortal, and could not be killed, even in real life?

    5. What a pathetic little creature someone must be to wish the death of a person because his ass was handed to him in a game?
      And yes, every agent dies in the game in an attempt to deliver salvation for you little creatures of high sec. They give their blood and their sweat for you to be free.
      Unfortunately, most of their sacrifices are in vain because you wish them death in real life too and continue to chain yourselves in those malefic tools they just pulled you out of.
      But, you know what they say: if you save just one soul out of 100, that makes all the sacrifices worthwhile.

  2. Lame. Just another example of why the bowhead needs more tank to be a viable ship for incursion runners.

    1. More calls for "isk tank"
      from the lazy and inept
      miners of high-sec

    2. LOL - Mr Veldspar parrots the typical care bear response to player added game content.... "CCP we need more buff because I'm special !!!! "

      Learn to adapt my friend. If I were you I would not consider joining the marines....

  3. Some of these bears... the decisions they make and they wonder "why" their ship was blown up. Absolute fucktards.

    Here's an idea... learn the game.

  4. Was Captain Picard a carebear? I surely hope he didn't choose to hide under his bed. That wouldn't make for a very good story.

    I bet that Captain Picard would've purchased a permit and tanked the Enterprise. Just a hunch, though.

    1. Captain Picard would not have bought a permit or hide under his bed. He doesn't give in to threats and would have found a way to ensure that code paid so they could not do it to other ships either.
      So you would have lost your bet.

    2. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Captain Picard was a man of principles--a man of humanity. He did not shy against making the tough decisions. These qualities very much lend themselves to being a Knight of the New Order. I believe that Captain Picard would not only purchase a permit, he would sell them!

    3. It's simple, anon@1:25. Picard was a good guy. In New Eden, the New Order are the good guys. So, Picard would have supported the New Order, and would most likely have been an Agent of the New Order.

      If Picard was good, he'd support the New Order
      Picard was good
      Therefore, he'd support the New Order

      If A, then B
      Therefore, B

      Don't know how you can fail to understand such simple logic.

    4. He had to tank. The miners, the Romulan ones at least, tanked, ganked, and had a complete lack of regard for personal comfort, safety, and guardrails.

    5. Based on his feelings toward the Borg, I am confident Picard would be opposed to all forms of bot-aspirancy.

    6. the federation = new order, both are organizations for good.

    7. Looking for a space guild/group/movement that doesn't identify so closely with the Star Trek franchise.

      Mail me asap, will mine the veld if necessary!

    8. Confirming Picard would have been a Knight of the New Order.

  5. 90% of these 'kills' are setups. Pitiful way for James 315 to spend his slaves hard earned isk.

    1. Come with me into the belts, anon, and I will show you that we have no need to stage kills. Bot-aspirant miners really are this oblivious.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. "These miners are so inept. It nearly takes the honor out of victory. Nearly."

    Sounds about right.

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