Monday, December 15, 2014

The Legend of Katsu Hinken, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Tisiphone Dira was minding her own business, telling the highsec dwellers in Hek to buy permits. This infuriated Katsu Hinken, who was using Hek local to ask for ship-building advice. He convo'ed Tisiphone, threatening her, and warned of a Goon/PL anti-CODE alliance.


Katsu hinted at a conspiracy behind Burn Jita, but was not willing to give Tisiphone any details. Bot-aspirants are always looking for hidden motives behind Burn Jita, because they can't imagine an EVE player being motivated by anything other than money.


Tisiphone had doubts about Katsu's power and influence. His killboard was unimpressive. But that was exactly what Katsu wanted her to think. His killboard stats were intentionally skewed!


The two tried to find common ground. Katsu was willing to respect the Code, but not if it prevented him from asking questions in Hek local.


After a lengthy discussion about their respective values and beliefs, Tisiphone proposed that she teach Katsu how to enforce the Code.


But it was clear that there was a cultural divide. Happily, our Agents are excellent bridge-builders.


To the Knights of the Order, a ship is something to be used and, having fulfilled its unique purpose, sacrificed to CONCORD. To a carebear like Katsu, fitting an expensive ship is "a lifestyle".


Nevertheless, Katsu was willing to explore New Order culture. Rather than traveling all the way to Halaima, which would tempt Katsu to go AFK and autopilot, Tisiphone proposed the destruction of a miner--right there in Hek!


Was Katsu up to the task? It appeared so. He estimated his ship could do about 10,000 DPS.


Running the numbers, Katsu calculated a maximum DPS for his Maller of about 14,900. More than enough to kill an anti-tanked Retriever.


Tisiphone urged Katsu to hurry up and finish fitting his Maller before the Retriever pilot warped away. However, Katsu needed to make his gank ship cap-stable. With a minute and a half of capacitor, his 14.9K DPS Maller could inflict well over a million damage.


The Maller finally landed in the asteroid belt next to the Retriever and Tisiphone's scout alt. After a minor hiccup, Katsu was ready to unleash his firepower...


...But in a shocking twist, Katsu aimed his lasers at Tisiphone's scout instead of the miner! How would Agent Tisiphone Dira get out of this one? Was this the end of the New Order?

To be continued...

20 comments:

  1. Ten bucks says he doesn't have the stones to fire because he'd lose money to CONCORD and the New Order. Typical of carebear scum.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brought my entire seat to this one. Turns out I only needed the edge!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh no! I hope Tisiphone's brave alt survives the onslaught! 14,900 DPS is a lot even for a Code Tanked ship!

    I hope Katsu is willing to share his Maller fit. That kind of firepower could usher in a whole new era of Code Compliance!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Faith in our Lord and Saviour James 315 will withstand any amount of DPS.

      Delete
  4. Oh! A double-cross from a carebear. This would be unexpected, except it's a carebear. I'd offer to take bets on the outcome of this battle, but I can't imagine anyone stupid enough to bet on anything other than Tisiphone Dira winning her battle.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is the dreaded "Carebear Stare" too much for Tisiphone? Will Katsu Hinken ever learn the error of his ways? Is that miner going to purchase a permit?? Tune in next time. Same bump time, same bump channel.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Of course the Code always wins, but these cliffhangers leave one wondering how, in exciting suspense!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I wonder what happened between that conversation and https://zkillboard.com/kill/42838514/

    Where's the rest damnit?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Gank Maller lol. At least he tried. Maybe he even ended up getting a thirst for blowing up something besides asteroids

    ReplyDelete
  9. minding your own business = instructing others. like?! amazing!! Mind Blown.

    learn something otherwise daily here. odd that a show that "always wins" needs an arc to complete the story. its about an formulaic as a episode of Bewitched.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The code is not a television show for your amusement. The goal is nothing less than salvation of New Eden. Also, if it were a TV show, it would be one that was written in this millennium. You have to be quite out of touch with the modern world to have to reach back over 5 decades to think of an example of formulaic television writing. Let's try going back only about 2 decades and pick Full House.

      Delete
    2. Bewitched was the best show on TV at the time.. they even had clones which is how Darren 2 came about. So shut your filthy mouth Anon 12:26 before Esmeralda turns you into something, a piggy probably. I'll be busy googling Elizabeth Montgomery pictures now.

      Delete
    3. anon 04:51, never take yourself too seriously - then no one else has to. Let's see; episodic content, same cast, similar plot lines and cue-cards. Oh, even has word from the sponsors running down the left!

      Malcolm gets it. Except it was Endora.

      This place needs theme tune. Something with trombones.

      Delete
  10. Ill tell you the ending -

    The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!!! ALWAYS!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As any good story should end. I love it when the good guys win.

      Delete
  11. Oh bitter betrayal! Goofus will rue the day!

    ReplyDelete
  12. me thinks veers has given up forum trolling

    ReplyDelete
  13. Shocking plot twist! Will the brave agent Tisi win the day, or will the bitter betrayal by a care bear mark the end of the story?

    My money is on Tisi, as always!

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.