Friday, February 20, 2015

The Trial of Krimletch, Part 1

EVE is a wonderful sandbox game. It's full of possibilities. The limits are only that of your imagination (and the Code). After two years of playing EVE, Krimletch's imagination brought him here:


...Mining highsec ore in a Covetor. Needless to say, he hadn't gotten very far. Perhaps the miner was simply lacking in creativity. Fortunately for Krimletch, help was on the way--in the form of Agent Lord Mandelor, who killed him.


Unlike the primitive gankers of the pre-Order era, New Order Agents educate the miners they kill. Mandelor made sure Krimletch understood that he was not the victim of random violence. Krimletch had sealed his own fate by refusing to obey the Code. In spite of his rebellion, the miner was invited to put his crimes in the past and join the New Order family. Folks, it doesn't get any more civilized or sophisticated than this.


But the miner was not yet ready to join the future. Like the Veldspar he mined so greedily, Krimletch belonged to the Stone Age.


Then came the threats. Krimletch called his rescuer a "peasant" and warned he would be "tormented for the rest of his days". Never expect gratitude from a Goofus. It was time for a convo.


The Code tells us that the highsec miners are at the bottom of EVE's hierarchy. Krimletch didn't see it that way. If gankers are peasants, what do you call people who spend their time mining Veldspar in highsec with a Covetor? The aristocrats?


Krimletch was greeted by another Agent, GrifterEx. The miner claimed to be unaware of the New Order. Never heard of us. Then again, he doesn't appear to have discovered Kernite yet, either.


The former pilot of the mostly tech I fitted Covetor had all the money in the world. He had no problem paying, but wouldn't pay. He'd destroy the gankers with bounties! It was the ideal revenge plan for Krimletch, since it didn't require him to own a ship.


Years after I told the miners that the bounty system was useless, they still don't get it. If miners won't educate themselves, that leaves our Agents to do the job.


For someone who'd never heard of the New Order, Krimletch was quick to judge. He leveled the exact same accusations that other rebel miners have since the beginning. But if the New Order is like the mafia, why do the miners insult us and show such disrespect? Aren't defenseless civilians usually polite when they encounter the mafia?


For a brief moment, Krimletch had a glimmer in his eye: The idea of a vast anti-ganking movement to defeat the New Order.


However, Krimletch quickly dropped the idea in favor of calling our Agents "peasants" again. It's just as well. Defeating the New Order by organizing a successful anti-ganking movement is impossible. Repeatedly saying the word "peasant" is a much more realistic goal.


Nevertheless, Krimletch vowed revenge. At the very moment our Agents forgot about him, he would strike--or maybe put a bounty on them. This was standard rebel talk. Our Agents weren't satisfied. They didn't want another crazy rebel wandering around the asteroid belts; they wanted a voluntary payment of 10 million isk. And they were willing to go to great lengths to get it.

To be continued...

30 comments:

  1. The new order looses! Always!

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    Replies
    1. yes they loosen the purse strings of those stubborn carebears! always!

      Delete
    2. The new order (which is old news) always looses, always!

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    3. Loosening the grip of carebears on HiSec a little more, every day.

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    4. They're losing grip alright, but it's not High Sec.

      The rational approach would be

      Wow someone I've never met before is talking to me.

      Oh no I just lost my mining ship - I didn't think that was possible? How did it happen? How can I avoid it from happening again? May be I should ask the person who has just voluntarily opened a conversation with me.

      And then a conversation would occur about Eve Online, how terrible the game mechanics are and how the game is exponentially improved by flying with people who can teach you different play styles.

      OR

      Maybe there's some where safer I could mine for Isk while doing my home work? I'll ask the person who just voluntarily opened a conversation with me?

      OR

      This will teach me from trying to do two things at once; perhaps I shouldn't try playing a multiplayer game all by my self.

      Poor high sec people who just don't get it.

      Delete
  2. Vague threats, Vague threats everywhere

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  3. "I will wait, lingering in the back of your minds, making you ever unsure of what I will do.. and then, when I am certain you are unprepared and cannot fight back, I will strike, and strike again, and strike again a third time and I shall not let up even as you scream for mercy I shall just keep hitting you and hitting you until you are dead. And then, Only then, shall you know the depths of my fury for what you have done to me, and my Covetor."

    ~Miner "Krimletch," a dramatic reading

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  4. Krimletch has all the attributes to be a Veers alt; lack self respect, thinks of himself as a lawyer, makes outrageous threats againt code agents in RL... I give it about a 78% chance he's a Veers miner alt. I'll add in another 12% if one of the Veers replies to this comment.

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    1. Give it a rest. Veers barely even plays the game anymore, he got all butthurt and left when nobody was impressed by his lies about being a rich powerful lawyer. Nobody is a Veers alt, even Veers barely qualifies as a Veers alt these days.

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    2. What if veers and james is the same person? o.0
      They do both cry the same all the time.

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    3. confirming that working long hours for high pay is a sign of being butthurt and a liar. Oh, and bro, I don't mine.

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    4. Getting real tired of your shit, fake Veers.

      Veers @10:06 isn't me. You can tell he's not me because I'm very public, and very vocally proud, of paying for my account through PLEX gained from grinding incursions. In my Teamspeak interview with Agents of the New Order (you know, the one where I developed my lifelong crush on DJEntropy), I even admitted to grinding incursions for up to 10 hours at a time. Think about that for a second, bro. Ten hours....TEN FREAKING HOURS of mining red crosses, doing the same thing over and over like a bot, to avoid shelling out $10-$15 for subscription fees that month. It'd just be silly to expect people to believe me when I claim to make lots of money after admitting to that little gem, and I am Veers Belvar, never silly, always deadly serious.

      Some carebears, less honest than myself, might claim that running incursions is interesting and challenging, and that I could be doing it for fun instead of to avoid spending real-life money. But they're not believed by anyone; I mean mining is obviously mining, whether it be white squares or red crosses. Orbit at a certain distance, move your lasers (mining or otherwise) to the next target when your current target pops, and actively do nothing while other people (either antiganking logi or incursion mining logi) make sure you catch reps on time. So since it'd just be stupid to pretend that incursion running is anything but a new version of mining in highsec, and that anyone could spend 10 hours at a stretch mining for fun (while also bragging that they're doing it to fund their PLEX for that month), I, the awesome Veers Belvar, won't waste anybody's time with such obvious lies.

      PS: I'm the real Veers Belvar. Accept no substitutes.

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    5. I'm glad the real Veers could @ 12:45 could straighten everything out for us.

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    6. Oh alana....i see you caught the ming bug.
      "could @ 12:45 could"?

      -=M=-

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    7. Guess alana is a carebear, cause we all know what james says about those that have spelling errors.

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    8. I'm pretty smug about the fact that "doubling your words" is the only thing you can come back at me with.

      Love,
      Ming

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    9. I'm going to up my percent to 90% just like i promised. Now if i could have a Veers (or Veers alt) proclaim victory over CODE. for getting rid of E1 and the others i'll go up to 97%. I'll add in another 2-3% for anymore to can quote mine Veers making the suggestion that Concord should blap out bumpers after the first bump or anyone who can dig up the thread where Veers proclaims the Tea Party "the only real political party in the USA" and "America is founded on guns and the right to protect yourself from niggers and towelheads."

      Delete
    10. "Guess alana is a carebear, cause we all know what james says about those that have spelling errors."

      It was an error, but not a spelling error.

      Delete
  5. Take down goons and you take down the new order. Never deal with the monkey's always deal with the organ grinder.

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    Replies
    1. oh sounds simple enough. So when can we expect you to take down the goons?

      Delete
  6. Hang on now... let me grab some popcorn first.

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  7. This krimletch guy talks like a vague bond villain. Too bad the threats are all empty.

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  8. I agree Anon @ 1:42 am, krimletch does sound like a villain, guess he should join the ranks of new order to fit right in ehh?

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    Replies
    1. Though the New Order is based out of a Secret Volcano Base hidden within The Citadel, I can assure you that this is the only similarity between the New Order and a bond villain.

      The New Order is the democratically elected group tasked with improving hisec. No bond villain can claim to be elected by 100% popular vote.

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    2. democratically elected by himself. into a position of no power, no influence, and no point.....you guys do nothing except piss people off.
      and the bears are almost as bad playing into your hands with afk pilots untanked barges and freighters and the dumbass bots.
      code blows someone up.(usually an unarmed someone )
      bears cry about it .
      code posts it here. rinse and repeat.
      and it will go on forever until the bears figure it out (honestly it's not hard )

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    3. @Anon 4:12

      You understand our point. That "Code-enforcement untill all of Highsec is code-compliant," thing? We're not joking about that.

      But I guess it could also be called "bears figuring it out."

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    4. i understand 1 thing...... i live where you don't and it's awesome!!! this game is epic!!! if the bears only knew .

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    5. "Ming TsoFebruary 22, 2015 at 5:15 PM"
      Probably a lie as everything else you type on this forum...

      Delete
  9. oke this gave me a good laugh:

    "But if the New Order is like the mafia, why do the miners insult us and show such disrespect? Aren't defenseless civilians usually polite when they encounter the mafia?"

    You are nothing like a maffia, you claim to enforce when you want to. a maffia will enforce at all times.

    the only similarity between code numbnuts and a maffia operation is " Protection money"

    Thanks for todays laugh, and Greetings for Null sec :)

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  10. LOL THIS IS SO HILARIOUS. On the side note, you guys didn't put in your fuck ups and mistakes in the convo because...well I'm sure all you cultist peasants don't want to be embarrassed.

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