Tuesday, August 8, 2017

The Solitude Investigation, Part 1


Meet Bob the Fourth--one of countless Agents a carebear can't detect simply by setting the mighty CODE. alliance to negative standings.


Bob recently received an invitation to patrol the Solitude region. Immediately upon entering the region, Bob spotted a miner using Harvester Mining Drones. Seized by a righteous fury for the Code, Bob smartbombed the decadent drones, inflicting a loss of 2 billion isk.


Later, Bob decided to investigate Solitude to see if there was as much criminal activity as he'd been led to believe. Most systems were quiet, but whenever the miners chattered in local, Bob stuck around to log the chat.


In nearly every situation, the conversations in local turned to a discussion of the New Order. We supply EVE with its content, after all.


Satisfied that the situation was in hand, Bob moved on to the next system on his checklist.


Rebels and skeptics claim that the New Order exists simply to provoke nice, mild-mannered folk into acting like raging lunatics. "You're here to grief and bully and harvest tears," they say. This myth has been debunked on many levels. One reason it's false: Miners don't need anyone else to make them behave badly.


Italian miner Liborio Putin asked for an Orca boost from some random miners in the system. When he received a decidedly hostile reaction, he began using Google translate to try to find out what he'd done wrong.


In fact, highsec miners tend to be incredibly rude to one another--much more discourteous than any Agent of the New Order. If the Code never came to highsec, they'd still be shedding tears. (Amusing sidelight: Liborio's translator spitting out its own version of the "mining is relaxing" Miner Bingo square.)


Observing the spectacle from a distance, Agent Bob carefully noted the miners' misbehavior in his log. Solitude was indeed filled with troublemakers.


Bob had gathered quite a bit of intel. There was one more system to visit, though.


Our hero found another pair of talking miners. Even before checking for permits, he strongly suspected these miners of violating the Code. He was curious to see if he could get them to implicate themselves.


Guilty, guilty, guilty. Just as he thought. Now it was time to act.

To be continued...

19 comments:

  1. There is no savior of any kind. God is dead.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another agent enforcing the code outside of the code. sounds like some other people we know XD

    Good Article! solitude is definitely a good place to harvest carebears.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The child beater returns, spewing the same programed words.

      Delete
    2. *programmed. calm down and try to spell properly XD

      Delete
    3. Try to capitalize properly Wolf.

      Delete
    4. Try to stop beating your kids Wolf.

      Delete
  3. Yes, harvested by Concord

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  4. The less than 1% still acting as though they make the game.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you measuring our success by what percentage of new players quit due to ganking?

      -Oink

      Delete
    2. Nope the devs have said that ganking is 1% of gameplay, seeing as how code does not control all ganking that makes you less than 1% of gameplay. It is also stated that ganking actually keeps miners in the game, while those never ganked quit on their own.

      Looks like your code is keeping miners mining.

      Delete
  5. Don't kid yourselves. Even the dirtiest pirates from the birth of EVE have been carebears. They use alts to bring them goods at cheap prices and safely, rather than live with consequences of their in game actions on their main, from concord to prices

    ReplyDelete
  6. Most suicide gankers are just chestbeating carebears hiding inside the station
    until they undock in a group, strike and vanish again.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Those are some pretty sad chat logs. The life of a miner is pathetic.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah and those that hunt them must really be sad if that's what they call elite PvP.

      Delete
    2. I look at is as putting them out of their misery. A thankless job indeed.

      Delete
    3. So you prefer to kill wounded animals, that's not hunting, nor is it elite.

      Delete

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