Monday, August 21, 2017

Tomorrow's Agent

Everyone knows that the EVE "new player experience" (NPE) is a joke, and that the tutorial is a mess. Smart people have encouraged CCP to direct new players into the welcoming embrace of the New Order, where they can learn what EVE is really about.


Too often, new players end up in channels like Anti-Ganking. They become at-risk youths.


Doe-eyed newbie Lewak wandered into the Anti-Ganking channel seeking information. The Anti-Ganking channel is a land of confusion. Often, a question will be answered with a yes, no, and maybe all at once.


Lewak was fascinated by the mighty CODE. alliance and its army of gankers. Unlike carebears, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. And they were far more exciting than a bunch of grumpy miners.


Unfortunately, the "experts" among the Anti-Gankers were the blind leading the blind. Even those who had the right answer to a question spent all their time quarreling with Anti-Gankers who had the wrong answer.


In fact, the New Order is the best place for a new player to learn EVE. Carebearing is far easier--nobody ever said elite PvP is easy--but at least the newbies don't learn bad habits from us that they'd need to unlearn later.


Though Anti-Gankers generally argue with each other about everything, there are a few things they can all agree on: For starters, Goons are bad.


Carebears all across highsec despise Goons, even if they've never encountered one. That's because from the earliest days of the Code, conspiracy theorists spread the rumor that Goons were funding the New Order.


Though imaginary, the Goons' financial ties to CODE. earned them the hatred of new generations of carebears who'd never witnessed Burn Jita or the Gallente Ice Interdiction. No matter how new or old a highsec miner is, they've all seen CODE.'s ganks.


The Anti-Gankers injected Lewak with their poison as best they could, but the newbie couldn't shake off his interest in the Code. Something about it captured his imagination in a way that AFK mining couldn't.


We all know that Anti-Gankers have difficulty keeping up with current events; their knowledge of EVE's past is similarly sketchy.


Luckily, the past matters little. EVE players today don't really need to know about anything that occurred before the Code came to highsec. (Accurate information about EVE's history may still be illuminating to the curious.)


From time to time, even an Anti-Ganker will succumb to the temptations of the forbidden art of suicide ganking. They're quick to say they didn't enjoy it, though.


Lewak sensed that he wouldn't be able to get the full story on CODE. from the Anti-Gankers. His instincts told him to look elsewhere.


In time, Lewak found his way into the ranks of CODE. itself. There's an important lesson to be learned here: Ultimately, the lies of the carebear will always be conquered by the truths of the Code.

58 comments:

  1. Please post a trigger warning if Jennifer en Marland is going to appear in post.

    I'll have to sit and gently rock myself for an hour now to get back to normal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As an agent of code your feelings do not matter.

      Delete
  2. Heart-warming story. It feels great that Lewak saw through all the lies and that the truth always wins. Always!
    /Minx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lewak just joined the pussy brigade. HAHAHAHA

      Did you inform him his duty is to give blow jobs?

      Delete
    2. I own your heart so yeah its warm in my fire. dipshit.

      Delete
  3. Jamey gains another slave. How quaint.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Careful, they may demand you kill yourself for that comment. lord knows they never shut the fuck up about shardani.

      Delete
  4. Implying Lewak wasn't planted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We know he was. Fake news.

      Delete
    2. Still funny as hell though, especially since all the miners played nice with him.

      Delete
    3. Yeah proof or it didn't happen, wait fuck it we know you'll just make up more bullshit.

      Delete
  5. eeasy choice

    live a gamelife where you bore rocks and listen to other miners threaten people with death, or engage in an active community where you help the miner community become better players

    no brainer

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better players by making a bunch of suicide bombers? Good job ISIS.

      Delete
    2. You chose Nazis, good for you bitch.

      Delete
  6. wow antigankers are truly delusional. they should learn how to separate real life from a video game - case in point - kalynn shardani

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just like your bringing real life up in a meta-gaming environment. Wow you really cant separate the two.

      Delete
    2. You need help WOLF you cannot separate the game from life.

      Delete
    3. You really need to let go of that person, you do realize that he is dead, like really dead, like not a game dead, like its not funny dead. real life death is not a platform for you piece of shits to stand on.

      You are a Nazi go hang yourself.

      Delete
    4. Your delusional

      Delete
  7. NPE is not about code or the new order, it's about EVE all smart players know this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smart players know that James rapes babies.

      Delete
  8. James 315, you need to deal with your agent Wolf Soprano for constantly confusing game life with real life. Always bringing up the character of Shardani due to the real life incidents is a black mark upon your organization and people are continuing to complain. As per your laws deal with your agent.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am afraid that the constant illegal activity of bringing in a real life situation by WOLF SOPRANO has violated the blog law and we will resume trolling to waste more of your saviors precious time. and to clutter this blog with as much as possible until your group decides to silence WOLF SOPRANO and make him/her abide by proper commenting etiquette.

    Trolls win, ALWAYS!

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousMay 31, 2017 at 9:27 AM
    How do you know your talking to an agent of code?

    They tell you to go kill yourself.

    How do you make and agent of code happy?

    You kill yourself.


    AnonymousMay 31, 2017 at 12:16 PM
    Damn that's dark. But I can also see it being true.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Don't kid yourselves. Even the dirtiest pirates from the birth of EVE have been carebears. They use alts to bring them goods at cheap prices and safely, rather than live with consequences of their in game actions on their main, from concord to prices

    ReplyDelete
  12. We the people have voted to take control of high sec and shit all over it.
    Signed,
    the PEOPLE

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey code monkey

    code monkey

    code monkey

    code monkey




    Fuck off

    ReplyDelete
  14. Jamey boy cant keep his little children in line they do what they want and shit all over the place with no regard for his laws. Might as well be the quadriplegic step dad to spoiled brats.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This place is a joke, needs better moderation.

    ReplyDelete
  16. The elite code agents need remedial courses in internet courtesy if they are to continue to call themselves the light of eve. They cannot stop bitching crying and breaking rules.

    ReplyDelete
  17. All your blog are belong to us.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey James, your non-compliance is showing. Go fuck yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Code is the most hypocritical group claiming to be the law yet cant follow laws. they claim the high road but always digging the shit.

    ReplyDelete
  20. There is only one brain in the whole group and it certainly isn't James, the poor guy cant even get his people to do what he says. Plus elected himself!? That's called a dictator, and his idiots say that everyone elected him. Hey fucktards try reading your own shit if your gonna try and be a part of it.

    These people god created natural selection specifically for them. CODE = Brainless.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Do you know how to make a code bitch cry. Call em a Nazi.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh please a bunch of bored kids and some dipshit grown ups created a group to troll a game because they cant get laid. Code = Fat kids with no dicks.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Holy crap another non-compliant blog, Fuck me there are just not enough agents to deal with them, but we will forever try and we have yet to lose.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hey James tell you idiot kids to watch how they talk in here, you don't like bringing up real life subjects then I suggest you keep your underlings in line.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I don't even think James' own followers would vote for him anymore, pretty sure theres even doubt that he even ganks anymore with such a pretty security rating. Such is the leader of cults, tells the people to die for him but lacks conviction to die for the people.

    Also known as cowardice, a proper trait of all fascist dictators.

    ReplyDelete
  26. These guys should remember that they may rule in the game but out here the trolls rule. Stay in line or else.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hey James, your agents need to be retrained, they are not abiding by the laws you set down, if they do not abide by your laws then by your laws they are miners and carebears.

    Might need to explain how upholding the law works, and that those who police the laws are bound by the laws as well.

    Just in case you forgot yourself that you must abide by your own laws, unless you are a dictator.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Looks like code has failed to stay complaint, tsk tsk, and they preach so much about it too.

    ReplyDelete
  29. looks like code doesn't follow rules, possible they didn't get an education in that.

    ReplyDelete
  30. So after all those time bitching about being robbed now your gonna say it was fake news. Geez you guys make up your minds, did you get robbed and if you didn't why did you shit so many tears from your eye holes.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Awww the >1% still acting big. How cute.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Its beginning to look like hell in here,
    everywhere you go,
    with agents set to kill,
    just for a thrill,
    All the day long.

    ReplyDelete
  33. So you have a new slave for you dictatorial army of mindless bots. Good job Hitler.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I call bullshit, sounds like bullshit just another fake story for the fake law written by the fake leader of a fake reality. Grow the fuck up Jamey no one gives to shits about you not even your mother.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Did you know that your blog is pretty much just masturbation for your online space shooter game. If you need this kind of validation in your life then it is fact that you live a very sad life and should be AN HERO.

    ReplyDelete
  36. James 315 is a simple con artist and nothing more, his manifesto is a shoddily written plan to exploit simple minded and easily amused people to run an extortion racket with all the promise of "by my rules you will never lose."

    And the simpletons ate it up. Thus you have this community here which cannot even tell the truth anymore.

    I loved how they moaned and cried over being robbed for hundreds of billions but now it never happened. James rewrites his own story no matter how much he loses he will erase it and say he never loses.

    A 5 year old child has the same plan so congrats, you act like children.

    Grow up.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Wolf Soprano is the poster child for planned parenthood and why it should be funded.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Well James still lying like a bitch I see. What a fucking tool. No wonder you and your Nazis cant actually be part of a good ganking group, they don't take posers.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Code has a new crybaby in its nursery, how sweet they can take in more crying bitches.

    ReplyDelete
  40. We got a lot of salt on this one. GG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, just to dry your baby ass tears out bitch.

      Delete

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